In Treatment s01e20 Episode Script
Paul and Gina - Week Four
Previously on In Treatment.
You said that ending the therapy was the best good solution.
I said it might be necessary for her sake.
When you say good solution, I think you mean a solution to your problems.
Alex, the fighter pilot, met Laura.
He comes back the next afternoon, tells me that they met, and now and now they're dating.
You want me to talk about Laura? What do you want me to say? That I sit opposite her and say, "What if "? Well, I do.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Sorry I'm late.
I was, er, I was at the market.
Listen, would you mind putting these in the fridge? - Sure, sure.
- Fish heads.
- They're fish heads? - Mm.
Yeah, I'm making some chowder.
- Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Fish heads for Yeah.
- Thanks.
OK.
I really like your dress.
- Thank you.
- Mm.
And your, er, your hair looks different.
Mm.
You look great, Gina.
It's good of you to say that.
Makes you look, I don't know, softer somehow.
Special occasion? Softer? That's interesting.
I'm going out with friends.
Let me guess, bunch of shrinks? Yes and I'm gonna tell them that you brought me two bags of fish heads.
Yes, most of them are shrinks.
And the non-shrinks will think you're analysing them, which, of course, you will be.
Mm.
Do you know who's been on my mind lately? - Doris.
- From the institute? - Are you in touch? - Sort of.
She's just gotten divorced again.
She, er, left this dentist who was a chronic cheat and now she's with this whiny, sourpuss doctor.
Such an obvious reaction.
You'd think as a shrink, you'd be able to avoid that kind of thing.
- Easier to see patterns when they're not ours.
- Or we see them but we can't avoid them.
That's worse.
You know, Doris had a she had a bit of a thing for me back in the day.
- Did she? - Yeah.
She used to say she was crazy about me.
But I never slept with her.
I always had this feeling that if I did, she'd somehow, I don't know, use it against me or say I was using her or something.
She was like that.
Extremes.
- But hot.
- Not such useful qualities for a therapist.
You don't think anybody's a good therapist.
I'm no good either, remember? Isn't that how we left off? Shall we talk about our last session? Should we? I don't know.
I will say that it's not the first time I've left here disappointed or angry.
If I was you, I'd look into that.
Of course, I'm angry at everything these days.
More or less all the time.
This week was particularly - What? - The girl gymnast took a bunch of pills and, er, collapsed in my office.
- Pills to get high? - No, sleeping pills.
Tried to do herself in.
Attempted suicide.
- Oh, God, Paul.
- Well, sort of.
Choosing my office There are more efficient places to kill yourself but she was acting out and - Got to say, it rattled me.
- She took the pills before the session? I had them Really stupidly I I never have pills in my bathroom but I was sleeping on the couch so I brought some stuff down.
She managed to get down most of the bottle.
- Is she OK? - Mm.
She is.
I called the, erm, psychiatrist who's a friend of mine and I asked him not to have her committed.
- You feel pretty sure she's safe? - Mm.
I think she would've been crushed if she thought that I'd abandoned her.
You know, the parental figure passing her on to somebody else.
I've a feeling that's why she took the pills, to kind of test my commitment to her.
- Are you feeling guilty? - No, but I do regret those pills.
- Well, there's always a way to kill yourself.
- True.
No, I don't feel responsible.
The strange thing is we had been making a lot of progress lately.
She told me that she'd had sex with this boy and he told her that she fucked like somebody who'd been abused.
Amazingly insensitive, dumb kid trying to cover his own insecurity, but, Christ, it made me so angry.
Normally, I never say anything.
- But you did? - I did.
I called him an idiot.
- How did she react? - Mm.
If she heard, she didn't acknowledge it.
But a moment later she had this major breakthrough.
She started to remember details of the accident.
I mean, it was a crucial therapeutic breakthrough.
I felt we were really getting somewhere then she just, she just upped and went to the bathroom.
You think you're more effective when you're involved, when you show a patient your feelings? Maybe, I don't know, but that's not what I'm really saying here, Gina.
No? Would you stop drawing conclusions, Gina? I'm just telling you about my week.
Let's see, er, in other news, er Kate took her affair to Rome this week.
When Sophie collapsed in my office I, er I yelled out for Kate, then realised I was alone in the house, I was the only one there.
Did you and Kate discuss anything? She didn't try to get me to stop her.
She just made a call to work and, er, packed her bag and off she went.
- You weren't surprised? - Not really.
That's the way Kate has always been.
I mean, that was one of the things I fell in love with the fact that she just made up her mind and just did whatever she she was determined to do.
So unlike my mother, you know? I think one of the reasons I married Kate was to get back at my mother because it was some kind of strike against that whole notion of I don't know, victimhood.
One thing you can say about Kate is she never played the victim.
She makes up her mind to go to Rome, she goes to Rome.
It's been 18 years since I've been alone in that house.
Rosie's away for the weekend and Max is with Kate's mom.
Mm.
I got the whole house to myself.
- How is that? - Weird.
Anyway, I'm hoping with, er, with my fish chowder and a bottle of good wine, I'll get lucky.
- Right.
- You think I'm joking but I do make a mean chowder, I have to say.
I start with the broth then the vegetables and the fillets.
I steam the leeks and the carrots, few other things.
Mix them all together, leave it for about 20 minutes.
Delicious.
The smell always made Kate sick.
She could never stand it.
I have to say I love it.
- Do you like chowder? - I do.
Well, maybe I'll have a little party, invite a couple of people over.
I could invite, er, I could invite Doris.
How long is it since, er, since you've seen her? Oh.
Oh Ah, the carefree days of the institute.
The good old days.
- Would you invite her husband? - Are you kidding? It'll say in the invite, "No sourpusses, please.
" - Just Doris, Messler and you.
- And you.
- I'm invited? - Mm-hm.
You can wear that dress if you want.
Oh, well, thank you, but I think I'd just be in the way.
No, you wouldn't.
You're my cover.
That's the whole point.
I'll say you're coming, how great it would be if she came too.
It would be like an institute reunion.
And then I leave and you're alone with her.
Perfect.
It's a perfect plan.
Can't fail.
You're in a chipper mood, considering.
Guess I am.
- It's nice for a change.
- Mm.
- I miss this side of you.
- I guess it's cos this shitty week is finally over.
- You're also showing me something.
- What am I showing you? How it feels to be with Laura.
How a therapist feels when a patient is flirting.
- You think I'm flirting with you? - Well, no.
That's the wrong word.
It's not flirting, it's I I'm your cover but you're inviting me to a party and you're telling me which dress to wear and you're inviting me into your life and it maybe is a taste of of what it's like with Laura.
You know, she draws you in.
It must be flattering.
Yeah.
Yeah, it is.
I gotta tell you, she's one hell of a storyteller.
Man, can she weave a tale.
Hm.
She goes into explicit, vivid detail, that She spent about a half an hour telling me about the, erm about the sex that she had with Alex.
What she liked, what she didn't like.
What he liked, what she did, what he did, et cetera, et cetera.
Pretty vivid.
A man would have to be made of rock not to react, not to feel a little - A little what? - Jealous.
Yeah.
- Of course, that's what she wanted.
- Was it? I know you think it's a problem that I have this jealousy over Laura's affair with Alex.
- No, not necessarily.
- Jealousy is not on your list of reactions a therapist should have.
or is it a list of no-no feelings? Is that what you want from me, a list? - Would that make it easier? - I doubt it.
Oh, you keep putting words in my mouth.
Maybe you want me to be unreasonable so you have something to push against.
This topic, this topic always brings us back onto shaky ground, doesn't it? - What topic? - Boundaries between therapist and patient.
Teachers marry students.
There's no big deal about it.
I mean, is it really wrong? It's different, Paul.
I remember Charlie, your your patient.
He used to call me after sessions and he'd say, "This no-sex- with-the-therapist thing, it's driving me crazy.
Is it for real? "There's got to be a loophole.
Am I never going to get to sleep with Gina?" OK, let's say I stop Laura's therapy.
Let's say I send her to somebody else, as you want me to do.
Surely, in six months time I can call her up and say No.
No, you can't.
- A year, 18 months, when it's cooled off.
- No.
There's no cooling-off period.
It's not about cooling off.
It doesn't change the dynamic.
In six months or ten years, she'll still be a patient.
That's just some bullshit some lawyer came up with.
No, it's not a law.
It's beyond a code of ethics.
It's essential.
It's something you carry inside you.
Can't you see that? So what you're saying is that there is no conceivable set of circumstances - None.
- Christ, you're so fucking fundamentalist.
A lot of people would disagree with this.
Then go to them.
She's 30 years old.
She's seductive, dependent, hysterical.
She idolises you.
It's classic, right? It's textbook.
- Here's a girl with damaged self-esteem - How do you know she's damaged? You've told me about her affair with your other patient, her trying to make you jealous, her describing the sex.
How she's tried to enter your house.
How she's played all of these games to try to get an Oedipal reaction from you.
If you fall for these advances, she won't be grateful.
She'll be shocked, rightly so.
And she'll leave you.
All of which you know but you're ignoring it.
You want to be desired.
We all do.
But you need to remember why Laura came to you in the first place.
So you're telling me now what's wrong with my patient? Another dissertation on what a lousy therapist I am? - I have never, ever said anything like that.
- You haven't? - Never.
- What about that famous letter you wrote? - Oh, Paul.
- I carried that letter in my pocket for months.
I have to say that everything I've accomplished as a therapist, I owe to that letter, so thank you.
You know, we're getting away from Laura again.
I can quote it.
"The patients were consistently "positive about, er, their sessions with Paul.
"However, it became clear that Paul was playing to their expectations.
"His approach to therapy is compromised".
No, actually, what you wrote was, "seriously compromised by his desire to please.
" That translates to me as, "He's a shitty therapist.
" I also said you were one of the most brilliant I know.
You said all kinds of things.
You said I was your favourite, the heir apparent.
Why didn't you tell me I wasn't good enough? Because that's not the way I felt.
Why would I say that? Then I could've got on with my work instead of dragging out eight years of promises of drum roll leading to the worst humiliation of my life.
You know Walker, even Jeffries, they said that I was guaranteed to be the head of the institute.
Across the board, everybody agreed with it.
Except you.
- I didn't believe you were ready.
- Clearly, you didn't.
The way you took critique, it made you furious.
You know, it was one professional assessment.
And you took it personally.
So personally, I had to wonder if it wasn't an echo of an earlier rejection.
Oh, please, Gina.
Not this again.
I know exactly where you're going with this.
A son who feels he's disappointed his father, a son who feels he hasn't lived up to his father's expectations.
It's something you'd want to address.
Please don't minimise what you said to me, Gina.
I wasn't reacting to something in my past in relation to my father.
One review drove you out of the institute.
That letter pissed on eight years of my work.
Despite it, though, I became an excellent therapist.
And some people might say that, er I became a better therapist than you.
Maybe you feel that.
Maybe that's what this is really about, Gina.
So, let me ask you again, why did you come to me specifically? I suppose because I needed to I don't know, test myself.
I already knew, before I came here, what you were gonna say about me and Laura and Kate.
But I thought to myself, you know, if I can withstand your corrosive attacks, - your particular brand of analytical castration - That sounds horrible.
Why put yourself through that? So that I can trust myself, I suppose.
Trust yourself? With what? You know, you said that you were writing a novel.
You know, I found that kind of amusing, to tell you the truth, because a novel is about complexity.
It's about contradictions, foibles, human folly.
Not absolutes.
For you, complexity is a problem, some kind of pathology that needs to be treated.
And you know what I find fucking offensive, Gina? That you think I'm blind to a situation as obvious as erotic transference.
Let me just tell you that I treat Laura with the same integrity, the same concern, the same rigour as I treat all my patients.
I happen to like my patients.
That's the difference between you and me.
I worry about them.
I identify with them.
I put myself out for them.
You analyse them.
I analyse, too, but I empathise.
Let me ask you something.
I'm just curious about this.
Do you miss having patients? - Why? - I was never really 100% convinced, to be honest, that you actually like this process, the sitting down with a patient.
That's because, in your opinion, I have no empathy and so how could I get any satisfaction from it? I'm not saying you don't get satisfaction, in the way that a sail-maker or or or a chemist gets when they practise their craft.
But that thing that I'm talking about between a doctor and a patient, that connection, that buzz See, I can't help but connect with the person.
That's who I am as a therapist.
That's my That's my reward.
A while ago, before, erm, before I started coming here .
.
there was there was a session that Laura Laura cried.
She'd never actually done that before and, erm That's a kind of a victory, right, a kind of milestone for a therapist when you get the patient to that point where they where they cry? It was different with her.
There was something so so moving about seeing her just break down like that.
In that moment, I swear, I could've said, "Fuck it all.
"I just want to be with her.
" But I didn't.
I came to you instead.
I came specially to you.
I chose you because I thought to myself, "If Gina can't convince me to stay away, then how am I gonna convince myself?" It's really tough when I'm alone with her, you know? And she's asking me, "Please, just be honest.
Please, tell me how you feel.
" And I can't.
I guess the reason I'm here is because .
.
I really wanna look at this.
I want to examine it.
I wanna be absolutely clear about this .
.
that I'm not That you're not what? Paul, you need to say it.
You need to finish the thought.
That what I want isn't, in some way, immoral or unethical.
And that it's not abuse An abuse of my power as a doctor with a patient.
I'm not pushing you out.
I'm not running away, no matter what you tell me.
At the institute Maybe that was hubris on my part.
I don't know, it might have been.
But I won't do that now.
I won't reject you.
That doesn't mean I'll let you do something that you'll regret the rest of your life, not without fighting you every step.
If it's safety you need, this is it.
We've already crossed lines of conduct in this room.
I'm saying that because I want you to know how far I'm willing to go.
Whatever you tell me, I'm here for you.
I won't abandon you, no matter what.
I'm here.
I love her.
I love Laura.
Every word out of her mouth, every move she makes, I just I love talking to her, you know? Just listening to her.
I know it's a joke, cliché.
50-year-old married man in love with a 30-year-old.
But I want to be with her and I don't care what it means.
And I don't care what it costs.
I don't care.
I love her.
English SDH
You said that ending the therapy was the best good solution.
I said it might be necessary for her sake.
When you say good solution, I think you mean a solution to your problems.
Alex, the fighter pilot, met Laura.
He comes back the next afternoon, tells me that they met, and now and now they're dating.
You want me to talk about Laura? What do you want me to say? That I sit opposite her and say, "What if "? Well, I do.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Sorry I'm late.
I was, er, I was at the market.
Listen, would you mind putting these in the fridge? - Sure, sure.
- Fish heads.
- They're fish heads? - Mm.
Yeah, I'm making some chowder.
- Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Fish heads for Yeah.
- Thanks.
OK.
I really like your dress.
- Thank you.
- Mm.
And your, er, your hair looks different.
Mm.
You look great, Gina.
It's good of you to say that.
Makes you look, I don't know, softer somehow.
Special occasion? Softer? That's interesting.
I'm going out with friends.
Let me guess, bunch of shrinks? Yes and I'm gonna tell them that you brought me two bags of fish heads.
Yes, most of them are shrinks.
And the non-shrinks will think you're analysing them, which, of course, you will be.
Mm.
Do you know who's been on my mind lately? - Doris.
- From the institute? - Are you in touch? - Sort of.
She's just gotten divorced again.
She, er, left this dentist who was a chronic cheat and now she's with this whiny, sourpuss doctor.
Such an obvious reaction.
You'd think as a shrink, you'd be able to avoid that kind of thing.
- Easier to see patterns when they're not ours.
- Or we see them but we can't avoid them.
That's worse.
You know, Doris had a she had a bit of a thing for me back in the day.
- Did she? - Yeah.
She used to say she was crazy about me.
But I never slept with her.
I always had this feeling that if I did, she'd somehow, I don't know, use it against me or say I was using her or something.
She was like that.
Extremes.
- But hot.
- Not such useful qualities for a therapist.
You don't think anybody's a good therapist.
I'm no good either, remember? Isn't that how we left off? Shall we talk about our last session? Should we? I don't know.
I will say that it's not the first time I've left here disappointed or angry.
If I was you, I'd look into that.
Of course, I'm angry at everything these days.
More or less all the time.
This week was particularly - What? - The girl gymnast took a bunch of pills and, er, collapsed in my office.
- Pills to get high? - No, sleeping pills.
Tried to do herself in.
Attempted suicide.
- Oh, God, Paul.
- Well, sort of.
Choosing my office There are more efficient places to kill yourself but she was acting out and - Got to say, it rattled me.
- She took the pills before the session? I had them Really stupidly I I never have pills in my bathroom but I was sleeping on the couch so I brought some stuff down.
She managed to get down most of the bottle.
- Is she OK? - Mm.
She is.
I called the, erm, psychiatrist who's a friend of mine and I asked him not to have her committed.
- You feel pretty sure she's safe? - Mm.
I think she would've been crushed if she thought that I'd abandoned her.
You know, the parental figure passing her on to somebody else.
I've a feeling that's why she took the pills, to kind of test my commitment to her.
- Are you feeling guilty? - No, but I do regret those pills.
- Well, there's always a way to kill yourself.
- True.
No, I don't feel responsible.
The strange thing is we had been making a lot of progress lately.
She told me that she'd had sex with this boy and he told her that she fucked like somebody who'd been abused.
Amazingly insensitive, dumb kid trying to cover his own insecurity, but, Christ, it made me so angry.
Normally, I never say anything.
- But you did? - I did.
I called him an idiot.
- How did she react? - Mm.
If she heard, she didn't acknowledge it.
But a moment later she had this major breakthrough.
She started to remember details of the accident.
I mean, it was a crucial therapeutic breakthrough.
I felt we were really getting somewhere then she just, she just upped and went to the bathroom.
You think you're more effective when you're involved, when you show a patient your feelings? Maybe, I don't know, but that's not what I'm really saying here, Gina.
No? Would you stop drawing conclusions, Gina? I'm just telling you about my week.
Let's see, er, in other news, er Kate took her affair to Rome this week.
When Sophie collapsed in my office I, er I yelled out for Kate, then realised I was alone in the house, I was the only one there.
Did you and Kate discuss anything? She didn't try to get me to stop her.
She just made a call to work and, er, packed her bag and off she went.
- You weren't surprised? - Not really.
That's the way Kate has always been.
I mean, that was one of the things I fell in love with the fact that she just made up her mind and just did whatever she she was determined to do.
So unlike my mother, you know? I think one of the reasons I married Kate was to get back at my mother because it was some kind of strike against that whole notion of I don't know, victimhood.
One thing you can say about Kate is she never played the victim.
She makes up her mind to go to Rome, she goes to Rome.
It's been 18 years since I've been alone in that house.
Rosie's away for the weekend and Max is with Kate's mom.
Mm.
I got the whole house to myself.
- How is that? - Weird.
Anyway, I'm hoping with, er, with my fish chowder and a bottle of good wine, I'll get lucky.
- Right.
- You think I'm joking but I do make a mean chowder, I have to say.
I start with the broth then the vegetables and the fillets.
I steam the leeks and the carrots, few other things.
Mix them all together, leave it for about 20 minutes.
Delicious.
The smell always made Kate sick.
She could never stand it.
I have to say I love it.
- Do you like chowder? - I do.
Well, maybe I'll have a little party, invite a couple of people over.
I could invite, er, I could invite Doris.
How long is it since, er, since you've seen her? Oh.
Oh Ah, the carefree days of the institute.
The good old days.
- Would you invite her husband? - Are you kidding? It'll say in the invite, "No sourpusses, please.
" - Just Doris, Messler and you.
- And you.
- I'm invited? - Mm-hm.
You can wear that dress if you want.
Oh, well, thank you, but I think I'd just be in the way.
No, you wouldn't.
You're my cover.
That's the whole point.
I'll say you're coming, how great it would be if she came too.
It would be like an institute reunion.
And then I leave and you're alone with her.
Perfect.
It's a perfect plan.
Can't fail.
You're in a chipper mood, considering.
Guess I am.
- It's nice for a change.
- Mm.
- I miss this side of you.
- I guess it's cos this shitty week is finally over.
- You're also showing me something.
- What am I showing you? How it feels to be with Laura.
How a therapist feels when a patient is flirting.
- You think I'm flirting with you? - Well, no.
That's the wrong word.
It's not flirting, it's I I'm your cover but you're inviting me to a party and you're telling me which dress to wear and you're inviting me into your life and it maybe is a taste of of what it's like with Laura.
You know, she draws you in.
It must be flattering.
Yeah.
Yeah, it is.
I gotta tell you, she's one hell of a storyteller.
Man, can she weave a tale.
Hm.
She goes into explicit, vivid detail, that She spent about a half an hour telling me about the, erm about the sex that she had with Alex.
What she liked, what she didn't like.
What he liked, what she did, what he did, et cetera, et cetera.
Pretty vivid.
A man would have to be made of rock not to react, not to feel a little - A little what? - Jealous.
Yeah.
- Of course, that's what she wanted.
- Was it? I know you think it's a problem that I have this jealousy over Laura's affair with Alex.
- No, not necessarily.
- Jealousy is not on your list of reactions a therapist should have.
or is it a list of no-no feelings? Is that what you want from me, a list? - Would that make it easier? - I doubt it.
Oh, you keep putting words in my mouth.
Maybe you want me to be unreasonable so you have something to push against.
This topic, this topic always brings us back onto shaky ground, doesn't it? - What topic? - Boundaries between therapist and patient.
Teachers marry students.
There's no big deal about it.
I mean, is it really wrong? It's different, Paul.
I remember Charlie, your your patient.
He used to call me after sessions and he'd say, "This no-sex- with-the-therapist thing, it's driving me crazy.
Is it for real? "There's got to be a loophole.
Am I never going to get to sleep with Gina?" OK, let's say I stop Laura's therapy.
Let's say I send her to somebody else, as you want me to do.
Surely, in six months time I can call her up and say No.
No, you can't.
- A year, 18 months, when it's cooled off.
- No.
There's no cooling-off period.
It's not about cooling off.
It doesn't change the dynamic.
In six months or ten years, she'll still be a patient.
That's just some bullshit some lawyer came up with.
No, it's not a law.
It's beyond a code of ethics.
It's essential.
It's something you carry inside you.
Can't you see that? So what you're saying is that there is no conceivable set of circumstances - None.
- Christ, you're so fucking fundamentalist.
A lot of people would disagree with this.
Then go to them.
She's 30 years old.
She's seductive, dependent, hysterical.
She idolises you.
It's classic, right? It's textbook.
- Here's a girl with damaged self-esteem - How do you know she's damaged? You've told me about her affair with your other patient, her trying to make you jealous, her describing the sex.
How she's tried to enter your house.
How she's played all of these games to try to get an Oedipal reaction from you.
If you fall for these advances, she won't be grateful.
She'll be shocked, rightly so.
And she'll leave you.
All of which you know but you're ignoring it.
You want to be desired.
We all do.
But you need to remember why Laura came to you in the first place.
So you're telling me now what's wrong with my patient? Another dissertation on what a lousy therapist I am? - I have never, ever said anything like that.
- You haven't? - Never.
- What about that famous letter you wrote? - Oh, Paul.
- I carried that letter in my pocket for months.
I have to say that everything I've accomplished as a therapist, I owe to that letter, so thank you.
You know, we're getting away from Laura again.
I can quote it.
"The patients were consistently "positive about, er, their sessions with Paul.
"However, it became clear that Paul was playing to their expectations.
"His approach to therapy is compromised".
No, actually, what you wrote was, "seriously compromised by his desire to please.
" That translates to me as, "He's a shitty therapist.
" I also said you were one of the most brilliant I know.
You said all kinds of things.
You said I was your favourite, the heir apparent.
Why didn't you tell me I wasn't good enough? Because that's not the way I felt.
Why would I say that? Then I could've got on with my work instead of dragging out eight years of promises of drum roll leading to the worst humiliation of my life.
You know Walker, even Jeffries, they said that I was guaranteed to be the head of the institute.
Across the board, everybody agreed with it.
Except you.
- I didn't believe you were ready.
- Clearly, you didn't.
The way you took critique, it made you furious.
You know, it was one professional assessment.
And you took it personally.
So personally, I had to wonder if it wasn't an echo of an earlier rejection.
Oh, please, Gina.
Not this again.
I know exactly where you're going with this.
A son who feels he's disappointed his father, a son who feels he hasn't lived up to his father's expectations.
It's something you'd want to address.
Please don't minimise what you said to me, Gina.
I wasn't reacting to something in my past in relation to my father.
One review drove you out of the institute.
That letter pissed on eight years of my work.
Despite it, though, I became an excellent therapist.
And some people might say that, er I became a better therapist than you.
Maybe you feel that.
Maybe that's what this is really about, Gina.
So, let me ask you again, why did you come to me specifically? I suppose because I needed to I don't know, test myself.
I already knew, before I came here, what you were gonna say about me and Laura and Kate.
But I thought to myself, you know, if I can withstand your corrosive attacks, - your particular brand of analytical castration - That sounds horrible.
Why put yourself through that? So that I can trust myself, I suppose.
Trust yourself? With what? You know, you said that you were writing a novel.
You know, I found that kind of amusing, to tell you the truth, because a novel is about complexity.
It's about contradictions, foibles, human folly.
Not absolutes.
For you, complexity is a problem, some kind of pathology that needs to be treated.
And you know what I find fucking offensive, Gina? That you think I'm blind to a situation as obvious as erotic transference.
Let me just tell you that I treat Laura with the same integrity, the same concern, the same rigour as I treat all my patients.
I happen to like my patients.
That's the difference between you and me.
I worry about them.
I identify with them.
I put myself out for them.
You analyse them.
I analyse, too, but I empathise.
Let me ask you something.
I'm just curious about this.
Do you miss having patients? - Why? - I was never really 100% convinced, to be honest, that you actually like this process, the sitting down with a patient.
That's because, in your opinion, I have no empathy and so how could I get any satisfaction from it? I'm not saying you don't get satisfaction, in the way that a sail-maker or or or a chemist gets when they practise their craft.
But that thing that I'm talking about between a doctor and a patient, that connection, that buzz See, I can't help but connect with the person.
That's who I am as a therapist.
That's my That's my reward.
A while ago, before, erm, before I started coming here .
.
there was there was a session that Laura Laura cried.
She'd never actually done that before and, erm That's a kind of a victory, right, a kind of milestone for a therapist when you get the patient to that point where they where they cry? It was different with her.
There was something so so moving about seeing her just break down like that.
In that moment, I swear, I could've said, "Fuck it all.
"I just want to be with her.
" But I didn't.
I came to you instead.
I came specially to you.
I chose you because I thought to myself, "If Gina can't convince me to stay away, then how am I gonna convince myself?" It's really tough when I'm alone with her, you know? And she's asking me, "Please, just be honest.
Please, tell me how you feel.
" And I can't.
I guess the reason I'm here is because .
.
I really wanna look at this.
I want to examine it.
I wanna be absolutely clear about this .
.
that I'm not That you're not what? Paul, you need to say it.
You need to finish the thought.
That what I want isn't, in some way, immoral or unethical.
And that it's not abuse An abuse of my power as a doctor with a patient.
I'm not pushing you out.
I'm not running away, no matter what you tell me.
At the institute Maybe that was hubris on my part.
I don't know, it might have been.
But I won't do that now.
I won't reject you.
That doesn't mean I'll let you do something that you'll regret the rest of your life, not without fighting you every step.
If it's safety you need, this is it.
We've already crossed lines of conduct in this room.
I'm saying that because I want you to know how far I'm willing to go.
Whatever you tell me, I'm here for you.
I won't abandon you, no matter what.
I'm here.
I love her.
I love Laura.
Every word out of her mouth, every move she makes, I just I love talking to her, you know? Just listening to her.
I know it's a joke, cliché.
50-year-old married man in love with a 30-year-old.
But I want to be with her and I don't care what it means.
And I don't care what it costs.
I don't care.
I love her.
English SDH