Inspector Gadget (2015) s03e09 Episode Script

The Lady and the Vamp - The Walking Head Cold

1 [siren wailing.]
Inspector Gadget, Inspector Gadget Inspector Gadget, Inspector Gadget Go, go, Gadget, go Go, go, Gadget, go Go, go, Gadget, go Go, go get 'em Gadget! Inspector Gadget, Inspector Gadget Go, go, Gadget, go Go, go get 'em Gadget Inspector Gadget Stay back, you breathtaking beast.
I can't.
My hunger is too strong.
But I'd suck my own blood before hurting you.
Because love! [sighs.]
Dracula is so romantic! I mean, I'm watching this predictable tripe for, uh, research? - [groans.]
- [giggles.]
Spilled popcorn? Allow me.
Go go Gadget Cushion Grabbers! [whirring.]
- Chief Quimby! - Gadget.
This is no time for sitting around.
You have a mission.
We have reason to believe MAD is headed to Transylvania.
Transylvania? I've always dreamed of buying a vacation home there.
Claw is searching for the secret of immortality rumored to be hidden in Dracula's tomb.
If he finds it, MAD will operate forever.
Your mission find the tomb and stop MAD.
This message will self-destruct.
Vampires! I mean, this will be important for that vampire research I mentioned earlier.
Well, get to it, Gadget.
- Were you paying attention? - On it, Chief.
To Transylvania, to find the secret of immortality, which is obviously a figurative way of saying: "Making unforgettable memories at a new vacation home.
" [beeps.]
I don't want your blood.
- All I want is your heart! - [gags.]
I have so many feels right now.
I thought vampires were supposed to suck blood, not just plain suck.
- It sucks just fine! - [purrs.]
Besides, it's research for MAD's newest plan! [clears throat.]
- Uh, you know vampires aren't real.
- Vampires are real.
They live forever, and so does their love! Once I have the secret of their immortality, I'll outlive all my foes.
Now go and bring me eternal life! Ugh! Now I know vampires aren't real.
'Cause if something could live forever, they'd find time to clean.
- [thunderclap.]
- [screams.]
Why have you come, little boy? [stammers.]
Who are you? I am the Countess Disembowlstein, protector of Dracula's tomb.
And you must be lunch! Yeah? Then eat this! Huh? - [screams.]
- [doorbell rings.]
Popular lady.
So I'll just be going.
You will be going down! [screams.]
Eat carefully, Night Terror.
Uh, what's a Night Terror? Wait and find out.
[doorbell rings.]
- [lightning crashes.]
- [screams.]
This place gives me the shivers.
Yes, shivers of excitement! I only hope this vacation home's got a hot tub to soak them away.
Brain, don't be so eager.
If she knows we're interested, she'll jack up the price.
- Hello, you must be? - Countess Disembowlstein.
Countess must be Transylvanian for real estate agent.
Hello, Real Estate Agent Disembowlofsoup! Disembowlstein! [whimpering.]
What brings you here? We're just an unconventional family who may be in the market for a vacation rental.
Of course, come in and stay alive.
Stay forever.
If the price is right.
- See, Brain? That's how you bargain.
- [whimpers.]
Okay, let's talk business.
Who was the previous tenant? The previous tenant was the undying evil, Count Dracula! And did he install a hot tub? Hold your questions until your end.
I mean [clears throat.]
The end of the tour of your final resting place.
I could finally get some rest in this place.
Good selling point.
Brain, you keep an eye on Uncle Gadget.
I'm gonna find the tomb.
- [man crying.]
- What is that? - [man crying.]
- It's coming from right under me.
- [gasps.]
Talon? - Huh? If MAD wanted to find Dracula's Tomb, they should've sent MAD Cat, not scaredy-cat! Scared? Hah! Me? You're the one scared of being trapped in this dungeon.
Except I'm not trapped in the dungeon [screams.]
- [groans.]
Thanks a lot! - [growling.]
What was that? The Countess said it's the "Night Terror".
I don't know what that is, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume it's the worst thing ever! I'm outta here, and totally not 'cause I'm scared.
Me, too! Same non-reason.
I want to show you a room that will make your head roll.
Wowzers! You didn't tell me this vacation home has its own gym.
And a massage table? This will definitely help with my stiff neck.
Yes! You won't feel your neck at all.
Because you will be a stiff.
- [shrieks.]
- And it doubles as a bench press? You're right, Brain, I'm getting overexcited.
The gym's adequate, but I'm still not sold.
On with the tour.
I ouch! Can't see ouch! a thing! Ouch! - I can, and the view is great! - Ouch! Yeah? Keep laughing.
I want the Night Terror to home in on it.
- [gasps.]
- [growls.]
Scared? No, but you're about to be.
And for the record, I'm not running in terror.
I just need some cardio.
I need cardio too! Prepare to be severed I mean, served.
Pointing out the place's flaws.
- Good thinking, Brain! - [groans.]
This dining room could use a lot of work.
Go go Gadget Carpentry Set! [gasps.]
No more fun and games.
You're right.
We should get down to business soon! Huh? [Talon.]
Last one to Dracula's tomb is a hot meal for the Night Terror! A spineless wuss like you's never gonna beat me to Dracula! [growls.]
The Night Terror! [both.]
Not scared! Finally, the hot tub! Wowzers! It sure is roomy! [growls.]
- [whimpers.]
- Lunch is served, Dracula, my love! [grunts.]
- [growls.]
- You know, Pen, fair is fair.
You did beat me to the tomb so you should get eaten first! You chicken! Better to be a chicken than get eaten like one.
[gasps, screams.]
- It's just a statue.
- [growling.]
But that isn't! [screams.]
- [panting.]
- Aww.
Wait, Night Terror's a dog? You were afraid of a little-wittie doggy? Hey! I wasn't scared.
I'm just allergic.
Ah-choo! Ah-choo! I'm not afraid of anything, Penny.
- Especially not - [Countess screams.]
Vampires! [shrieks.]
Uncle Gadget? [grunts.]
This room will be the last thing you will see! I couldn't agree more.
I've seen enough.
And we'll take the place.
Go go Gadget Checkbook! Who has awoken me? [coughs.]
So vampires are real real? And not nearly as hunky as pop culture has led me to believe.
Young girly, I was quite a looker in my day.
- [hisses.]
- [shrieking.]
Previous Tenant Dracula still lives here? I have a no roommate policy, Real Estate Agent Dismeowcatthundersounds.
Looks like we'll have to find a vacation home elsewhere.
Go go Gadget Real Estate Guide! Nice work, Gadget.
MAD won't dare return to Dracula's castle again.
And neither will we.
It's too bad.
Real Estate Agent Disembowlstein was so bad at her job.
I believe that's Disembowlsteen.
But no matter.
How about we celebrate with a showing of Dracutela III - Two Fangs, One Heart? On me.
I've had enough of vampires for a while.
Besides, there's a new werewolf series with this super cute Uh, for research, Brain.
[clears throat.]
For research.
No vampires.
No vampires.
Who needs to watch vampire movies when I've got something better - watching Talon cower! - [whimpering.]
- Oh, this is so good.
- [snickers.]
[wolf howling.]
Oh, I am so sorry I allowed those fools to disturb your slumber, my love.
You need your sleep, you beautiful vampire.
At least they didn't discover the secret to our immortality.
Beet juice! [Dracula laughing.]
I'm sick of being foiled by HQ.
- It's time to foil HQ with sick! - [whimpers.]
You're destroying HQ with a tiny amount of liquid? Brilliant.
Fool! It's a weaponized Head Cold Zombie Virus.
It will transform the HQ agents into mindless snotbags.
Speaking of snotbags, what's with MAD Cat? [whimpers.]
She looks slightly more disgusting than usual.
I let her incubate the super-virus, in her nose.
Glad you're finally putting that evil medical degree to use.
Soon everyone, and especially Mother, will see I'm the most evil health professional in the world.
Now go to HQ, release the virus, and turn those mindless zombies into even more mindless zombies.
Whoa! Um, shouldn't I take some precautions? A hazmat suit? Ah, you'll be fine.
Trust me, I'm a doctor.
Uh, Brain, that's Pain-Power-Piquant Pepper Paste.
It registers two million on the Ouchy Tongue scale.
- [groans.]
- [bell clanging.]
[clears throat.]
- [whimpers.]
- Stop being stubborn.
- Wash it down.
- [Gadget.]
Penny! - [whimpers.]
- You know better than to share drinks, especially with germ-ridden dogs like Brain.
It's cold and flu season, and everyone needs to be on their guard.
Go go Gadget Homespun Disinfectant.
Now that the table's officially germ free, what's for lunch? [Quimby, high-pitched.]
A serious helping of mission.
Hiya, Lunch Lady Deloris! [in normal voice.]
Gadget, it's me.
Chief Quimby.
Deloris called in sick.
I'm taking her place until her replacement arrives.
We believe MAD has developed a virus that causes congestion, brain fog, and acute zombification.
Our intel indicates it spreads like the common cold.
Your mission, sterilize MAD's plan before it contaminates us all.
This message will self-destruct.
That's horrible and gross.
Like really, really horribly gross.
Not to worry, Chief.
I know every home remedy in the book, specifically this book Ol' Aunt Gadget's Ye Olde Home Remedies! No sneeze, sniffle, snort, or hork can stop Inspector Gadget from keeping HQ as healthy as I am.
We might need something a little more modern when it comes to biological warfare, Uncle Gadget.
Nonsense, Penny.
Every cure we need from dog pox to bicycle face is in Ol' Auntie Gadget's book.
That may be, but why don't you go to Von Slicksten's lab for a virus briefing.
On it, Chief.
Oops, almost forgot.
Go go Gadget Wet Wipe! Don't worry, Chief, it can't hurt you now.
- It's germ free.
- [beeps.]
So, how do you want me to get this virus into HQ? The vents? The water supply? The mailbox? [Dr.
Infect yourself and start licking.
Gross! I am not doing that.
MAD Cat would.
If you can come up with a better way, do it, but do it now! HQ's lunch lady.
[muffled screams.]
Today's lunch special is the end of the world with a side of zombification.
Ah, why bother with all this scientific jumbo-mumbo? Ol' Auntie Gadget's remedies are proven to work.
I've been wearing her anti-pox pendant for years and have never caught the Black Death.
Not even once! That's actually thanks to the cutting edge technology, and scientists like me.
Discovering a viral vaccine has been a dream of mine since I was a little girl.
To think, I could be just like Marie Curie.
You know she constantly suffered from severe radiation poisoning? Science! According to Ol' Auntie Gadget, the best cure for any cold-like virus is orange juice, chicken soup and hopping on one foot with your eyes closed while reciting the alphabet with a dog on your head! - [whimpers.]
- A, B see? I'm healthy as a horse.
- [thuds.]
- [glass shatters.]
It's fine, Penny.
I'm so close to a cure, I don't need half this kit.
'Cause I'm pretty sure the last ingredient is - [feedback squeal.]
- [high-pitched.]
Attention all agents! We are now serving burritos in the lunch room! [chuckles.]
[normal voice.]
That'll serve 'em! [high-pitched.]
I mean I will serve them.
Meaning, the burritos, because I am the lunch lady.
Burritos! No! - They might not leave any for me.
- But professor, the cure! Burritos! - [groans.]
- Ha! - I've never felt better.
- [thuds.]
Brain, stay with Uncle Gadget and get ready to start the HQ lockdown sequence in case MAD breaks in.
I'm gonna get Von Slick back here and find out what the last ingredient is.
Burritos! Come and get 'em! Extra hot, with a side of cold.
- [Von Slickstein.]
Do not eat that! - [gasps.]
I call dibsies on this one.
- [sneezes.]
- [sneezes.]
Yes! [sneezes.]
- [growls.]
- And they call me the sicko.
Ha! - [shrieks.]
- Talon.
I knew something was making me ill.
Well, you're about to feel a lot worse.
- [growls.]
- [gasps.]
[computer voice.]
Lockdown button accessed.
You know what ol' Auntie Gadget said.
To get rid of the dizzies, dance with your eyes closed.
- [thuds.]
- [glass shatters.]
Huh? [gasps.]
[muffled screams.]
Time to jet! Ow! [groans.]
Ouch! [growls.]
I know you all want a piece of me, but this is ridiculous.
And gross.
- [grunts.]
- [screams.]
Gee, Penny.
I didn't know you cared.
Save it.
I only spared you so there'd be one less zombie.
Admit it, you couldn't stand to see this face turn into that.
- [growls.]
- [shrieks.]
I need to get back to the lab and find the last ingredient for the cure! Ooh! Maybe it'll be published in an academic journal.
Whatever, nerd! Just unlock the door! Don't be green with envy, Penny.
You'll be a viral sensation.
- Get it? - [grunts.]
Wowzers! I warned them it was cold and flu season.
- There's only one thing left to do.
- [grunts.]
Bust out some of Ol' Auntie Gadget's home remedies and let our patients in.
- [whimpers.]
- [banging on door.]
Okay, Brain.
If you insist, you can be my nurse.
Gadget's Homespun Cold and Flu Clinic is open.
What ails you? [growls.]
Go go Gadget Examination Table.
Wowzers! You sound terrible.
Let's take a look.
Go go Gadget Tongue Depressor.
Hmm, your mouth looks exactly what I imagined the inside of a ceiling would look like.
- [growls.]
- [whimpers.]
- I'm stuck in HQ.
It's on lockdown.
- [Dr.
That's terrible! I know! Save me! Save you? No! Figure a way out! Then infect yourself and spread the germs.
- [screams.]
- [screams.]
Ow! Ugh, you're running the wrong way! How silly of me.
After you.
Show me how to get out of here.
Yeah, right.
No one's getting out until I find the cure.
- [growls.]
- Hate to leave you in the cold! - What do you think you're doing? - [screams.]
I don't know what's worse, zombie germs or yours! [growling.]
Well, I think I've seen enough.
Wowzers! All these agents are under the weather? It's an epidemic! - [whimpers.]
- No, Brain.
It's my duty as a self-certified health care worker to treat everyone, no matter how ill.
Go go Gadget Stethoscope! Welcome to my clinic, Penny and Penny's friend.
Are you feeling sick too? Distract the zombies.
I'm gonna find the cure.
It's no use.
The last ingredient could be anything.
I feel sick.
In that case, I'm gone.
Toodles! [shrieks.]
There's gotta be a way.
Don't worry, Penny's friend.
Ol' Auntie Gadget's already got the best cure for a cold.
Orange juice, chicken soup, and hopping on one foot with your eyes closed while reciting the alphabet - with a dog on your head.
- [whimpers.]
Let me show you how it's done.
A-B-C-D-E-F-G [grumbles.]
Science triumphs once again [sighs.]
The vitamin C in the oranges and the amino acids from the chicken stock must fight off the virus.
Ol' Auntie Gadget's homespun cures work.
And I have just the way to spread it around.
You know what they say starve a fever, feed a zombie.
Uh-oh! I'm sick of this scene! You saved the day again, Gadget.
It's what healthcare providers do, Chief.
You've failed me again, Talon.
Time to take your medicine.
Next time, Gadget! Next! [screaming and moaning.]