Joey s02e06 Episode Script

Hey, Bobbie, I'm about to shoot a scene.
The movie's going great, except for I hate my co-star Lockwood.
That jerk.
That's a good question.
I think he knows how I feel.
I do.
You know what? I'll call you back later from my trailer.
I cannot believe you have a trailer bigger than mine.
You know what? I'm sick of your snobby little comments.
Why don't you just say it? - You think you're better than me.
- I think I'm much, much better than you.
- I've said it to your face every day.
- Yeah? Well, it got back to me.
I can't believe I have to share a tree with you.
- Really? Well, get your own tree.
- What? Are you trying to kick me? Don't you try to kick me.
Come here.
Action.
I want you to know something.
I love you, Ron, I think of you like a son.
I am not gonna leave you here to die, Agent Wilson.
If this is the end, it's been an honor working with you.
- Cut.
- You hack.
I am sick of being stuck next to this imbecile.
- How do you get out of this thing? - Oh, here, let me help you.
- Thanks so much for picking me up.
- No problem.
We can stop by my new house, see it on a Tuesday.
All right, great.
I just gotta pick up my books.
- I'll be right back.
Don't go anywhere.
- No problem, I'll be right here.
- Nice to see you again, Maria.
- Hello, Mrs.
Lafferty.
- Welcome.
What is your name? - I'm Joey.
Joey, you have a wonderful accent.
Thank you.
Joey, this is an English as a Second Language class for beginners.
Are you sure you're in the right place? Oh, I'm in the right place.
Let's get started.
I hope that everybody practiced counting to 10 over the weekend.
- Yes.
- Great, let's do it together.
One, two, three, four, five six, seven, eight, nine, 10.
Eleven, 12.
Very good, Boris.
Somebody's gonna get a gold star.
Thanks, thanks.
Thirteen, 14, 15.
- Hey, Gina.
Get in here.
- What's going on? You broke the one rule that I have for my employees, you slept with a client.
- That is not true.
- Really? - Does this face look familiar to you? - No.
How about now? "Gina, I like it when you do it like that.
Do you like it when I do it to you like this? I love your big fake boobies and your cheap New York accent.
" I couldn't help it, Bobbie, he manipulated me with his acting skills.
He got me drunk and then the next thing I knew, his hands were all over me.
- Oh, can it.
- All right, fine.
This guy has booked more commercials than any client I represent.
Now he's so distraught he doesn't wanna be a client anymore.
You've cost me thousands of dollars.
- Now you have to get me a new client.
- I don't know how to do that.
You better learn.
You wanna be a big agent one day, don't you? - I do, more than anything.
- Gina, you're like a daughter to me.
So I'm gonna tell you something that my mother once said to me.
"You get me my money back, or I'll bury you, you miserable bitch.
" Oh, Joey, your English so good.
Can you say more words for me? - Corduroy.
- Oh, give me another.
- Harpsichord.
- Oh, yes.
- All right, now this is a big one.
- Don't do it.
It's too dangerous.
- Ibuprofen.
- Get the check.
What happened to you? I had to call Alex for a ride.
All right, just excuse me one second.
Come here.
- Hey.
- Hi.
I followed this girl into class after you left.
It turns out it was English class for foreigners.
- CalTech offers that for foreign students.
Some of the smartest people in the world are in it.
Wait, you're pursuing a woman who just started learning English? I don't care how pretty she is, you just leave your nephew at the Oh, my God, what a body.
I haven't felt this way since gymnastics camp.
I don't care how hot she is.
I like that she's into me because I'm the smartest guy.
Michael, you should totally play this card.
Oh yeah, being smart really makes women hot.
Hey, ladies.
Who likes the transitive property? That's weird.
It works for me.
Hey, Maria, you like the transitive property? Take me to the car, you sexy bastard.
Wow, so this chair is new? Yeah, it gives great back massages.
But if you turn over on it it's just a machine that punches you in the crotch, so - Joey, I you need you to help me.
- Okay.
Bobbie's mad because I lost her a client.
Do you know any actors looking for agents? Hey, hey, look.
Why doesn't she represent me? I've been in this business for years.
I got the goods.
All right, let's see what you can do.
Nope.
- Excuse me.
- What do you want, Lockwood? I would appreciate it if you would stop parking so close to me.
I could barely open the door to my car Porsche.
- Because your truck is parked way too close to my space.
- Mr.
Lockwood, I'm Gina, Joey's sister.
- My sympathies.
I was wondering if you were totally happy with your representation.
- I work with Bobbie Morganstern.
- Bobbie Morganstern? - I thought she died a month ago.
- Yeah.
For eight-and-a-half minutes.
But she's back and better than ever.
My agents haven't been able to handle matters around this set as I had hoped.
Well, maybe I can be of assistance.
And if I can, maybe you'll consider making the switch? Sounds fair.
I look forward to seeing what you can do.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go out and get some lunch.
Lobster.
- What are you doing? - What? I gotta get Bobbie a new client.
And he's a big star.
You don't come to my set and try to drum up business.
It's weird enough my sister's working for my agent.
We gotta keep business and personal separate.
Joey, this is the first job I've ever really cared about.
- I've gotta find somebody for Bobbie.
- Well, find somebody other than Lockwood.
I'm afraid of who I am and how I feel.
Most of all, I'm afraid of walking out of this room and not feeling the way I feel when I'm with you.
Miss Jennifer Grey, Dirty Dancing.
Yeah, definitely go with Lockwood.
Bill and Mary go to sh Sk School, Renata.
They go to school.
Okay, Joey, why don't you pick it up where Renata left off? - Now, this is a hard part, so take your time.
- Oh, boy.
Yeah, this is This looks tough.
The bell rang and the students all went to the auditorium with their teacher.
Boom.
That's right, Boris, you heard it.
Auditorium.
I am so lucky to be with the smartest boy in class.
Some words are so tug.
Tug? Oh, remember, I told you that the GH sometimes sounds like an F.
It's tough.
Like rough or laugh.
Oh, Joey.
Make love to me tonight.
That is good English.
Okay.
I'd like everyone to take out their homework on the subjunctive tense.
- You didn't do it? - I got it.
If the present tense of the verb to be is I am then the subjunctive tense is, "If I " - Joey? - Lf I was.
Oh, I'm sorry, that's not correct.
It's, "if I were.
" Very good, Boris.
Joey are stupid.
Joey is stupid, Renata.
Joey, where have you been? Sorry, Lockwood's car is taking up both of our spaces.
I had to park all the way on the other side of the lot and take a tour bus back here.
We stopped to watch a scene from the Gilmore Girls.
God, I wish I had a relationship like that with my mom.
I'm sorry.
We would have never given away your space, but your agent approved it.
What? Oh, there's no way she would have done that.
I'm gonna call her right now and see.
- What's your relationship with your mom? - Well, it's complicated.
- My mother and I never really - I thought it would be shorter.
Yeah, well have her call me.
Thanks, bye.
Gina, did Bobbie give my parking space to Lockwood? - Actually, I did.
- What? - I gotta get this guy as a client for Bobbie.
- You have crossed the line.
I loved that parking space.
That's, like, the worst thing you could have done.
Oh, hi.
What do you think of my new trailer? I don't know, I haven't seen it.
- Really? - Really.
You wanna think about that for a second? I cannot believe you gave Lockwood my trailer.
What else was I supposed to do? I'm desperate.
- You'll like this trailer.
- Hey, I know this tra That's where they keep the extras.
Hey, Waiter Number Two.
Hey, Rowdy Sports Fan.
Yeah.
There's no way I'm taking this trailer.
What's that smell? Sweaty Cop.
That guy's gross.
Wait a second, is this thing slanted? No.
Joey, you're being dramatic.
Am I? Gina, this is unacceptable.
You have no right to give away my stuff.
And of all people, you give it to Lockwood? Oh, would you stop being so selfish? I am trying to save my job here.
You've gotta think of a way to do it that doesn't involve Not now, Sweaty Cop.
Okay, look, I'm not gonna stand for this.
- Get me my trailer back.
- No.
You owe me.
- For what? - For all the times I've saved your life.
When you choked on a Super Ball, when you French kissed an electrical socket.
No.
Don't do this to me.
This is business, okay? If you've got a work problem, deal with it yourself.
Fine.
But the next time you choke on a Super Ball, don't come crying to me.
I am a grown man now, okay.
I think my throat can fit a Super Ball.
Now, if you'll excuse me I am gonna use the bathroom that I share with eight other dudes.
Not cool, Gina.
Not cool.
I was planning on going to the beach today, but then it started to rain.
I was planning on going to the beach today, but then it started to rain.
Dude, I think your accent's getting worse.
I've never seen you work so hard for a woman.
No, no, it's not about the woman.
I'm past that.
It's about the brainy guys and doing better than them.
People in the class are picking up the language way too fast.
They're gaining on me.
I'm starting to think those rocket scientists are smarter than me.
Oh, Maria, I totally forgot.
I can't go on a picnic today.
I have to study.
Why? It's just a stupid class.
A stupid class? Maria, my studies are very important to me.
Yes, but there is a nice park to go to.
Okay.
First of all, you don't end a sentence with a preposition.
Okay, that is wrong.
In fact, lately everything about you is wrong.
Except for your awesome, awesome body.
And I'm afraid I'm gonna have to say goodbye, Maria.
- But what about us? - You know, he said goodbye.
- What'd she say? - She thinks I'm your whore.
God, my face looks wonderful.
- What did you put on it? - Nothing yet.
That's right.
Hello, Mr.
Lockwood.
Hello there.
Did you manage to get me out of that commercial? - I'm working on it.
- I'm sorry to hear that.
Anyone representing me will have to handle that kind of thing.
I did get you the other things you asked for.
Craft services will get you blueberry cream cheese.
Wardrobe will get you those sweaters.
And, because you don't like to learn names, I've let the crew know that you will be referring to them all now as "Johnny.
" That's something, I guess.
Talk to you later, Johnny.
- Gina.
- Joey.
Not that you care, but I'm making progress with Lockwood on my own.
See you later, Joey.
- Hey, Bobbie.
- Listen, I'm calling about Gina.
I thought I'd give you the heads-up.
Since she lost that client, I've been getting a lot of pressure from my partners and I think I'm gonna have to let her go.
What? God, isn't that a little harsh? If I don't make an example of her, my employees will think I've gone soft.
Then they start showing up late or asking for the day off when their family members die.
And what the hell is Rosh Hashanah? - All right, Lockwood, we need to talk.
- All right, I'll try to use small words.
No need.
I am in an English class.
- Are you gonna sign with Gina or not? - Well, I asked her to get me out of a job.
She knows if she can make that happen, I'm hers.
Okay, what's the job? Commercial for an eastern European soft drink called Splort.
The world's only beet-flavored cola.
All right, what if I agreed to do the commercial for you? Then would you sign with Gina? I think I just might.
I'll call the director, see if I can set it up.
Great.
It's It's nothing too bad, is it? When I say "action," I need the soda can to run out of the frame.
Action.
- Wait, I just gotta ask.
Do I? - Release the bees.
So, Lockwood's gonna sign with the agency.
- Hey, well, congratulations.
You did it.
- No, you did it.
I heard what you did with the commercial, and the bees and everything.
- That must've been awful.
- It wasn't great.
Apparently, the bees thought the can looked like a giant flower.
And, well, they pollinated me, Gina.
Why'd you do that for me anyway? What happened to keeping business and personal separate? Come on, what am I gonna do? I couldn't let you get fired.
You've been working so hard.
And you know what? You're actually really good at this job.
Thanks.
Come on, if I'm so good, let's see if I can get you your trailer back.
Okay.
Hold on, let me just puke one last time.
Can anyone give me an example of a multiple homonym? I can.
They're meaning "they are," their meaning group possessive and there meaning "in that place.
" That's very good, Joey.
Thank you, Ms.
Lafferty.
Hey, Joey, what is it on your nose? Is brown, no? I wanted to tell you all how you did on your quizzes.
- Once again, Joey wins the prize.
- Yes! Thank you.
I would like to share another American phrase with all of you, "suck it.
" Well, that's it for today.
But I'll see you guys at Juan's house later tonight.
Juan.
- Is? Is something going on at Juan's house? - I don't know.
Hey, Juan, I Are you having a party tonight? Yes, Juan's having citizenship party tonight.
But unfortunately, we have no room for pet of teacher.
Have fun studying, Joey.
- Hey, guys, wait.
Can't I come to the party? - I don't think you can.
Are you drinking Splort? Hey, Sonja.
You didn't get invited to the party either? Hey, you wanna? You and me go grab a cup of coffee? No, thank you.
That would be, how you say, social suicide.
- Where is he? - I don't know.
He and Bobbie are supposed to be signing the contracts.
Oh, hey, look.
He signed.
It's official.
I am off the hook.
Oh, apparently those contracts are no longer valid.
What? Why not? Yeah, we're not gonna be able to sign him as the client.
Well, I better go, I'm needed on the set.
Johnny.
Johnny.
Johnny.