Johnny Bravo (1997) s01e06 Episode Script

Blarney Buddies/Over the Hump/Johnny Meets Farrah Fawcett

1, 2, 3, hyah!
Check the pecs. Hee! Ha! Huh!
Man, I'm pretty.
Do the monkey with me! Come on!
Hey there, baby.
Oh! Uh!
Yeah, whatever.
Captioning made possible by
Turner entertainment group
and U.S. department of education
Woman on TV:
Terror grips Aron city.
All across the town
the city's yarn is disappearing.
Looks like a job for
that angry old chick
that solves mysteries
and everything.
TV: It's winter in the city,
and not a sweater, mitten,
or scarf remains intact.
[Teeth chattering]
In fact, the yarn
and wool shortage is so bad,
some children have even
been reduced
to wearing corduroy pants
and velour tops
that have been too small
for years.
Mayor! Do you have
anything to say?
People of Aron city
Don't be alarmed.
The situation will
soon be under control.
What? They're clean.
Woman: Only one
piece of yarn is left
in all of Aron city,
the baby blanket
of one Johnny bravo.
That's right. Hyah!
And nobody gets to hold
my blanky except me.
And you, sweetcakes.
Citizens of Aron city!
Me and a few of the girls
have formed an angry mob
to catch this yarn thief!
Aw, mama,
you formed a what?
Take whatever Booty
you find,
but the beast is mine!
[Angry shouts]
Bye-bye, Johnny.
Back to me.
Do you have anything
you want to say to
this yarn bandit?
But how'd you
like to hang out
and watch my blanky with me?
I'd rather be hit
by a meteorite.
As soon as I get my claws
on Johnny bravo's blanky,
I, Dr. felinius,
will finally have
enough yarn
to rule the world!
How are you going to
do that with yarn, boss?
Get me my milk.
Thank you, pookie.
And in today's news--
And in today's news--
Another man: And now
a scene from next week's
Man: Jasmine,
I think I'm pregnant.
Woman: Oh, David,
you can't
be pregnant.
You're a man.
Oh. Hey--
want to watch my
chest hairs move
in slow motion?
Hyah! Uh!
Electronic voice:
Blanky secure, Johnny.
Oh, yeah!
you distract bravo,
and I shall seize
his precious blanky.
You got it, boss.
Hee hee hee!
Hey, you--
cute kid.
Why don't you go
bother the kid
next door?
She's got a thing
for you types.
Hee hee hee!
See you later, skater!
Somebody's cruising
for a bruising.
Hey, I don't remember there
being a big ball of yarn
being on top of mt. Melmar.
Huh! My blanky!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Finally, pookie,
I have it!
The last shred of yarn
in all the city!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Hyah! Mister,
we can do this two ways.
The hard way--hyah!
Or the--the other way
that's--that's harder and
Just get out of my way,
'cause I'm going
to hurt you, man.
Haw! Haw! Haw!
Hyah! Aw, man,
I hate furballs.
Whoa! Oh!
Well, poop!
Dr. felinius:
With you out of the way,
I will unravel
this blanket
and place it in my yarn ball.
It will then have enough mass
to roll down and crush the city!
Uh-huh. I follow you.
But, mister,
I beg of you,
do what you want
to the city,
but leave my blanky
out of this, ok?
I've had that blanky
ever since I was
a little heartbreaker.
Hyah! Hee! Ha! Ho!
I played with my blocks on it.
I got my first kiss on it.
But mostly,
my mama made it for me.
A touching story.
But I don't care!
Ha ha ha!
Hey, boss, give the kid
his blanky back.
Do as I say or--
My blanky!
Hey! Hey,
what's going on?
When I get my hands on
that traitorous kitten, I'll--
Oh. Ow. Ooh.
What was I thinking?
I was wrong to steal
all that yarn.
I-I've changed.
There he is!
Hello, people of
Aron city.
The crisis is over
thanks to this young man.
Johnny bravo.
Mama: Hey!
What about us?
Oh, oh, right.
And thank you to
our local angry mob.
Why aren't you
back in a suit,
your honor?
Well, the better to--
All right
Because these are the boxers
that will build a bridge
to the 21st century.
[Applause on TV]
I--I have to
tell you something.
I'm a dog!
Don't be silly, Jeanette.
You're beautiful.
No. I mean
Ew! Man, I hate when
that happens.
Announcer: And now,
here's the host of our show,
cover girl supermodel vendela!
Whoa, mama!
Oh, man.
I love it when supermodels
get their own talk shows.
What I wouldn't give
to meet one of them.
Announcer: And if you'd
like tickets for vendela,
simply call 213-555-0190.
Johnny: TV
You've never let me down.
How many times do
I have to tell you,
I have a boyfriend!
Well, you look like
the kind of girl
that could use two.
[Audience murmurs]
Hello, everybody!
Audience: Yay!
We had a problem with
our male guest today.
Can I find a--
Man, you smell pretty.
Is that a yes?
Hello! Welcome to vendela!
Audience: Yay!
Today's episode:
Musclebound men
and the women who think
they're poop-heads.
Men in audience: Boo!
Our guests include
macho man
Johnny bravo!
Boo! Boo!
And Jane smoo,
author of big muscles,
small mind.
Audience: Yay!
Nice to be here.
So, Jane,
what's the deal?
Well, vendela,
the problem with men
like Johnny
is they are completely
Hey, wait a minute.
Did she call me a sissy?
Men like Johnny are afraid
of strong women!
Hey, hey, hey,
I ain't scared of
no big ol' buff women.
Oh, yeah?
Oh, yeah?
Does this scare you?
Hey, lady or no lady,
I can't let you bust up
babycakes' talk show set,
all right?
Thanks, babycakes.
No, thank 10 years
of rodeo training in
salinas, California.
And don't call me
[Pinball bells ring]
And you, Jane--
put down those audience members.
Sure, vendela.
And we'll be right back.
Director: 30 seconds.
So, vendela
You want to see
my superpowers?
No. But maybe
you'd like to see
my superpowers.
You there--fight!
Ha! Ha!
Huh! Ha!
[Bells tinkle]
They don't call us
for nothing.
You got to love it.
And 3, 2, 1We're back.
We're here with
Johnny bravo.
He's healthy.
He's agile.
You got that right.
Check this out.
Huh! Hyah! Hyah!
Ooh! Ow! Ooh!
Audience: Ahh
But is he
a dinosaur?
Audience: Huh?
No, actually
I'm a dinosaur.
Ah. But let's compare
the two, shall we?
They're both pretty much
pure muscle.
All that and a bag
of chips, baby.
They both have brains
the size of an electron.
That's how America
picks her presidents.
And they're both
Stop calling t-Rex
You know how impossible
it is for t-Rex to get
a driver's license
when people think
t-rexes don't exist?
Now, hold on there,
fruit cup.
How can you be so cruel
to stupid animals?
Hey, who you
calling stupid?
At least t-Rex knows
what an electron is.
Man in audience: Hey!
What's on your mind,
Johnny shouldn't
be allowed to talk
to the dinosaur
like that.
How could you allow him
to call you a fruit cup?
We shouldn't let him
get away with that.
Get Johnny bravo!
[Audience shouting]
Now we're going to see
who's extinct.
See you in a museum,
you fossil.
Huh! Hyah!
Huh! Tomorrow
on vendela
Huh! Ha!
TV violence. Ho!
Where do they get off?
Ooh! Oh, mama.
That's a good question.
Director: And cut!
Hello. Welcome to vendela!
Audience: Yay!
Before we start,
I'd like to give
a special hello to Johnny bravo,
who is recuperating
at the hospital.
Audience: Aw
She wants me.
And as soon as
you're healed, we would
love to have you back.
How about you heal me
with your love, pretty mama?
And we'll be right back
with today's topic:
Does love hurt?
Audience: Yay!
Johnny: Ooh
Is that a yes?
Oh, mama!
Mr. vulture,
how many licks does it take
to get to the sugary center
of a sugar sucker?
Good question.
Go ask Johnny bravo.
Mr. bravo,
how many licks--
hey! Free lollipops!
Thanks, kid.
Lots of extra room
in those pants,
Yo, I want to be
for the round pound
concert tonight.
Round pound?
You do know who
the round pound is.
Do I know who
the round pound is?
Ha! We're like this.
But enough about them.
Let's get back to us.
[Horn playing LA cucaracha]
Hey, check it out!
It's the round
pound's ride!
Yo, if you're so
tight with them,
get them to pull over.
Hey, my groovy man.
Long time no see.
Yo. I ain't got
no change, g.
And why don't you
get yourself
a j-o-b?
A job.
Ha! Now you're
chillin', yo.
[Van screeches off]
S-s-see? I told you
we were friends.
Yo, I can't be with
a man if he's not down.
Unless I see you
at the concert,
you can talk to
my hand.
Is that a date?
Yo, c.D. Biggenz,
I'm famished.
[Stomach growls]
You and your big self.
You're always hungry.
Why don't you just chill?
I'm serious, c.D.,
come on.
If I don't get
a sandwich
or something,
I'm going to eat
the first thing
I get my hands on.
Yo, you're not thinking
Yo, yo--wait a minute!
Could have used
hot sauce.
Yo, what's up
with you, man?
How am I supposed
to spin my sounds tonight?
Don't worry, man.
I'm sure there's
a sound store
around here someplace.
Yo. I can't go no further.
I'm all out,
I'm out.
C.D.: Yo, we'll never
make it to a store.
We're going to have
to cancel the show.
Say, aren't you
the round pound?
Yeah. What's up?
I was just wondering
if y'all had any extra tickets
to tonight's show.
Man, you find us a turntable,
and we'll put you in the show.
In the show?
I can't be with a man
if he's not down.
Can you teach me
how to beDown?
Whatever that means.
You go get
the turntables, g.,
and we'll put you in
the round pound school
of hip-hop.
Aw, that's so cool!
Hyah! Huh!
Man, that was quick.
Yeah, I know.
Check it out, guys.
Now that's dope.
So I can be in the show?
What did you say
your name was?
Johnny. Huh!
Johnny bravo.
Johnny b.
My man.
You got it made
in the shade.
C.D.: Yo, yo,
check this out, j.B.
If you want to
be hip-hop, you've got
to have two things:
Attitude and style.
Yeah. But if
you want to look
stupid fresh,
you got to get
with the right
sneaks and cap.
Mister, I don't think
you want to make me
look stupid.
Naw, naw--in hip-hop
stupid means
really something
that's stupid fly.
It's really cool, man.
Know what I'm saying?
Oh. Stupid.
Like these kicks.
Yeah, man.
You know--
velcro-tying pumps.
Oh, so I just pump them up
like this.
[Air inflating]
Uh-oh. Whoa!
Was that stupid or stupid?
Oh, yeah.
If you're gonna
be down,
you got to wear
a cap.
Yeah. You got
to find a hat.
That's phat,
It's fat?
Yeah, man, phat.
Like in cool.
Uh, am I down yet?
But you're stupid
and phat.
Duh, me, too!
Ladies and gentlemen,
give it up for the round pound!
[Hip-hop music plays]
Yeah, give it up,
give it up, represent.
Do you know what
time it is?
Yeah, ya'll--
time to throw your hands
in the air
shake them like
you just don't care
I'm c.D. Biggenz
in the house
I'm ready to jam
and turn it out
yeah, know what I'm saying?
I'm heavy c.,
that's who I be
wants a piece of me
the name's main flavor,
that's who I am
all the girlies like me,
but I like ham
you go boy,
you go boy.
So y'all get ready
with the funky sound
'cause it's time to get busy
with the round pound
I knew that blonde-haired poser
was perpetrating a fraud.
And now,
the latest add-on to our crew,
Johnny bravo.
Now everybody go, "hyah!"
No, hyah!
Go, "whoa, mama!"
whoa, mama!
Now everybody
in the house scream!
I love it when chicks
scream for me.
So, was I
funky fresh?
You were da bomb.
Was I full
in effect?
You were in the house.
Was I all that?
Oh, plus a bag of chips.
Huh! Ha!
So what do you say
you and me go grab
some chow?
Aw, sorry, homes.
No can do. Me and myron
have plans at the estate.
Sure, myron Jones.
He owns the place.
And he's down.
Ready to go,
You betcha, schnooky.
See? I told you
he was down.
Mommy is so much
looking forward
to meeting you.
Aw, man--that's whack!
Captioning made possible by
Turner entertainment group
and U.S. department of education
captioning performed by
the national captioning
institute, inc.
Public performance of captions
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