Johnny Bravo (1997) s01e10 Episode Script

1
1, 2, 3, hyah!
Baby!
Sassy!
Studly.
Check the pecs. Hee! Ha! Huh!
Man, I'm pretty.
Do the monkey with me! Come on!
Hey there, baby.
Oh! Uh!
Yeah, whatever.
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hey, baby.
What are you doing
this Saturday night?
It is Saturday,
you pinhead!
Hmm. Maybe I better
plan these things
a little more in advance.
Did you enjoy yourself,
my undead queen?
No, Woody,
I did not.
It's Saturday night,
and you took me
to a library.
I'm tired of this
undead life.
How could you possibly
be tired of this?
We're eternal.
People are scared of us.
How cool is that?
I mean, look.
Boo!
Boo yourself,
you miserable half-bat,
half-human hooligan!
I need excitement,
passion.
I'm leaving,
Woody.
But what about the
batting and the flying
and the swooping?
You're a vampire, Lois.
Then perhaps I need
to find a new boy
and make him
a vampire.
Someone like
[Whistling]
That guy.
But, Lois, I'm a--
forget it, Woody.
It's been a fun
2,000 years,
but it's over.
Good evening.
Hey, how'd you do that--
appear out of nowhere?
I'm Lois, a mistress
of the night.
And I'm Johnny bravo,
a mister of
the universe. Hyah!
A popular girl like you is
going to need some wooing.
Wooing?
I haven't been wooed
in millennia.
Hope you don't mind, baby.
I ordered for you.
[Gulp]
Mmm! Feel those carbs!
Yeah!
What delightfully
strong neck muscles.
May I, uh
Kiss them?
Oh, yeah!
Oh!
[Gasping]
Oh, garlic!
[Gasping]
Nobody gets to play
kissy-face
with my eternal
damsel of the dark.
What the
This must be some
of that antipasta.
Don't you--
this pasta's
a little tough, but
I'm tougher.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Ooh!
Pooping out
so early, big guy?
Just taking
a breather, pumpkin.
[Carnival music playing]
Hey, check it out.
Huh!
I'm tall and thin.
Hey, little mama,
where's your reflection?
Wow! Look at
that mirror.
Hey, check it out.
I'm tattoo.
Hey, check it out.
I'm a big, dumb, fat waiter.
Come on, mister.
Swing the hammer,
win a prize.
Mister, you don't
have enough prizes
in your carnival.
Grrr!
Hyah!
[Ding]
Ha ha! We have
a big dumb baby,
everybody!
Ooh, look at me!
My large barrel chest
can't even push
a teensy little weight!
Ha ha ha!
Step back, Chester.
This could get ugly.
[Ding]
Look at me!
I have big,
flabby muscles
that have the strength
of a little boy!
Ha ha ha ha!
Mister, you are
getting on my
very last nerve.
Hyah!
[Ding]
Ooh, look at me!
I have gigantic shoulders
as wide as a Cadillac,
but I can't even lift
a pound and a half!
Ha ha ha ha!
I wanted a prize.
Hey, you got yourself
a blue-ribbon trophy
walking around with you.
Oh, Joy.
Can I try?
Pah! You?
Whee! Look at me,
everybody!
I'm a tiny little guy
with a big hammer,
and I'm going to--whoa!
Try to make
the bell ring!
[Splash]
Boys: Ooh
[Whistling]
Here's your big,
stupid-looking foo-foo drinks.
Yeah, thanks, buddy.
Keep the change.
Excellent. A quarter.
I can now retire.
[Slurp]
[Slurp]
Hey, sweet cakes,
I'm over here.
Ahh!
Oh.
Hey! Yo! Hey!
Heapin' hunka-hunka
burnin' love,
12:00, baby.
Johnny, I want to
be honest with you.
I'm a vampire.
You're a vampire.
The only reason
I'm going out with you
is to make my vampire
boyfriend jealous.
Your boyfriend's
a vampire?
But I guess
it didn't work.
Announcer: And now,
the spicy marimba
is proud to present
Woody!
Singing off-key:
beautiful dreamer
come back to me
ohh
Starlight and something
are waiting for thee
yaaahh!
Woof woof woof!
Yowsah! Ow!
Lois, I've been
an absolute putz.
Can I have you back?
Oh, Woody.
You are a real man.
You're vampires?
I guess this means
the date's over, huh?
Guess so,
but, hey, the best
vampire won, right?
Ugh!
Yeah, sure, but
Aren't you worried these people
are going to be freaked
by you being
a vampire and all?
Of course not.
Ha ha ha ha!
We're all vampires!
Uh, some of us
are werewolves.
I'm a gnome.
And now, it's time to conga.
Hit it.
[Playing conga music]
Buffalo gals, won't you
come out tonight, huh!
come out tonight, huh!
Come out tonight?
buffalo gals,
won't you come out tonight--
they're all vampires,
and that one's a werewolf,
and that one's a gnome.
Buffalo gals, won't you
come out tonight, huh!
come out tonight, huh!
Come out tonight?
and dance by the light
of the moon
nothing better than a man
watching his favorite videotape
in the privacy
of his own home.
Hyah! Showtime!
Show me the movie!
Hi there, Johnny.
Hi there, Johnny.
Want to see
some action?
Huh, do I! This guy's
my favorite actor.
I got to work
on my set design.
I won! I won!
I won! I won!
Hi, mama.
How was the concert?
It was so exciting!
I just love listening
to Berry vanderbolten sing.
His voice is like butter,
a big stick of butter.
And guess what.
After the show,
they held a contest,
and guess who won.
No. Me!
Uh, like--
me me me
me me me
me me me
me me me
aw, that's great, mama,
but what did you win?
Berry
vanderbolten!
He's going to be
my Butler!
That was
the contest.
Berry vanderbolten
is my Butler
for the day!
Lola, what's the
name of that contest
winner again?
Her name's
bunny bravo,
Mr. vanderbolten.
Bunny bravo.
Hmm. There's
a song in there
somewhere.
[Beep]
Oh, bunny,
you're so funny
you're like a hanky
when my nose is runny
did you get that, Lola?
It's on its way
to the record
company now, sir.
man, imitating Casey kasem:
And here's the new
number-one smash
from Berry vanderbolten--
bunny.
Oh, bunny,
you're so funny
you're like a hanky
when my nose is runny
another success,
Mr. vanderbolten!
No one can write them
like you.
Thanks, Lola.
This shouldn't
take too long.
Oh. How do
my teeth look?
[Ding]
Berryrific!
Hi there.
I'm Berry vanderbolten.
IIII
You must beBunny.
Oh!
Rest, sweet one,
and dream of the stars.
Eh, happens
every time. Ha ha!
Who are you,
fella?
Me? Why,
I write the music
that sweeps your soul across
a rainbow-canopied cloud
of melodic jubilee.
Oh. You're that guy
who's supposed to be
mama's Butler, right?
Well,
technically, yes,
but as you can see,
your mama's, well,
indisposed at the moment.
I'll just run along
now and send her
an autograph later.
Oh!
You see this? These
are contest rules.
It says here that you're
supposed to be our
Butler until 6:00 pm.
Yes, but this is all
a publicity stunt,
you know,
to please the fans.
I'll do anything
to please my fans.
All right, then go
and clean out the fan
in the bathroom, boy.
It's been clogged
for weeks.
Your goodies,
Mr. bravo.
Thanks, Terry.
Berry.
Jerry, you're
a musical guy.
Maybe you could answer
a question for me.
I'll try.
Who put the razz
in the razzmatazz?
[Grumbling]
Hey, get me some more
chicken wings!
How them dishes
coming, Larry?
[Icily]
Just about finished.
Come on, say it.
Sir.
I knew you could
do it. Ha ha!
Aah!
All right,
that is coming
out of your pay.
But I'm not
getting paid.
Not now
you're not.
[Vacuum running]
[No audio]
Oh! Ow! Oh!
I was trying to
tell you to watch out
for the stairs.
Gee, thanks.
Whatever. Now get your
musical butt up here
and clean out
the fish tank.
[Cuckoo clock chiming]
Harry, for a singer,
you ain't too shabby
as a Butler.
Thank you.
Come on. Say it.
My lord
and sovereign.
Ha ha! I knew
you could do it.
[Beep]
Well, Johnny,
it's 6:00.
My work here
is done.
Aw, really? Dang.
Well, all right.
A deal's a deal.
Thanks
for dropping by.
If you don't mind,
there is just one
more teensy-weensy
little task
I'd like to perform
before I go.
Aw, yeah! Are you
going to massage
my feet again?
AhSomething
like that.
Be right back.
Mr. bravo, you are
some kind of guy.
Look out!
Hey, Johnny!
Are you thirsty?
come to think of it,
yeah, I am
oh, that's good,
because you're about
to have yourself
a nice tall glass
of extreme pain.
Hey, nice outfit.
I didn't know
you studied kick--aah!
Ooh! Oh!
Whoa!
Gosh, Johnny, you
broke all the dishes.
You better go
get some more.
Now, just a mo--ohhh!
Oh, gee,
you broke those, too.
Yeeahh!
[Punching and yelling]
Adios, Johnny.
You might want to have
a doctor look at that
dislocated shoulder.
Dislocated shoulder.
Hmm
There's a song in there
somewhere. Lola!
Yes, Mr. vanderbolten.
Fire up the recorder, and get me
another Shirley temple--
make it a double this time.
Right away, sir.
Good-bye, bunny.
I'll always remember you.
Thanks for being
such a fan.
Mmm
Ta-ta, Johnny!
Bye, garry.
Uhh
Must have
fallen asleep.
Is Berry vanderbolten
here yet?
Uhh!
Johnny! I told you to
clean up this mess, boy!
Berry vanderbolten
will be here any minute.
Oh, mama, I hope not.
Mr. vulture,
how many licks
does it take
to get to the
sugary center
of a sugar sucker?
A good question.
Go ask Johnny bravo.
Mr. bravo,
how many licks does--
hey, free lollipops!
Thanks, kid.
Narrator: Washington, D.C.--
our nation's capital,
home of the president
of the United States
and a great place
to pick up chicks.
Woman: This pen was used
by president Wilson to sign
the 19th amendment.
Johnny:
What's that?
The amendment
allowing women to vote.
Until then, not a woman here
could vote, no matter what age,
but the 19th amendment
struck down that
restrictive rule.
Why'd they go
and do that?
I didn't think
chicks liked
to vote.
All, yelling: Get him!
Uh-oh.
I'd like to
introduce you to
the boybot 2000.
[Echoing]
Hello, Bonnie.
I'm tired of
dating robots.
I want to go out
with a real boy.
Now, sugar, you're the
president's daughter.
It's too dangerous for you
to go on a date date.
Besides, the
boybot 2000 is the
perfect gentleman.
Watch.
You look great
tonight.
I better get you
back by 8:00.
Actually, I'd like
a handshake good night.
Get out of my room!
Get out! Get out! Get out!
[Crying]
Hello, ladies.
May I take your coats?
All: Aah!
I better get out
of here before--
[Bonnie crying]
What the
Hey, pretty mama.
Hyah!
If these pecs don't
cheer you up, nothing will.
Ooh!
Oh, no!
Not another robot boy!
Ow!
Ow!
Oh, my gosh!
A real boy?
Are you here to
take me on a date date?
No, I am not--
yeah. What you said.
Date date.
I'm Bonnie.
I'm Johnny.
Johnny.
Bonnie.
Mmm--ow!
Are you sure
you're not a robot?
All right, I'm sure.
Let's go.
Agent pim, I need you
to keep an extra-sharp
eye on Bonnie.
I think she's trying to
go out on a date date.
Not to worry, sir.
Mall rat one
is under guard
24 hours a day.
Agent pim,
mall rat one has
left the compound
with a boy!
All: Uhh!
President, muffled:
I don't want there to be
a media circus.
Just follow her,
make sure she's ok, and
get her back by 8:00.
Oh!
What can I get you two?
Couple of steaks,
medium dead. Hyah!
And I want them
perfect, like the guy
who ordered them.
Uh, what are you doing?
I'm serving
the steaks.
Without checking
them for poison
or knives
or foreign objects?
UmHere's your food.
They weren't happy
with their meat.
I can't work under
these conditions.
Hey.
I wonder who
that sad little
scrap of paper is?
Oh, that's
just a bill.
Yes, I'm just a bill
on capitol hill,
but I hope to be
a law someday.
Man: All in favor of
the bill pushed by the
fire extinguisher lobby
to make children's
toys flammable
[Silence]
All against?
Men: Nay!
Oh!
Tough luck, kid.
Oh!
Um, let's go see
some of the sights.
Doesn't that make
you proud to be
an American?
Why? It's not
very colorful.
Oh.
Wow.
Abraham Lincoln.
Just think how
different this country
would be without him.
No kidding.
When I was a kid,
I played with
that Lincoln guy's
logs all the time.
Oh!
Please tell me
you know something
about the tomb
of the unknown soldier.
If they don't
know who he is,
why don't they just
open up the tomb
and take a look?
Aah!
Pim! Shlomo!
Shlomo?
I don't want to go out
with real boys anymore.
I want to go out
with robots.
Hey, you're the guy
from the restaurant.
Hyah!
I'll have you know I'm
trained in 15 forms of karate,
3 forms of jujitsu, and
1 form of interpretive dance.
Yeah? Well, secret service
agents are trained in
16 forms of karate,
4 forms of jujitsu, and 2 forms
of reggae impressionism.
Yeah, well--
secret service?
Hyah!
[Punching and slapping]
Ow! Ow! Ow!
President:
You're very lucky
you found such
a stupid boy, Bonnie.
You could have been
kidnapped or worse.
I know, daddy,
and I'm sorry.
I learned my lesson.
It's robots for me
until I'm old enough
for social security.
Boybot:
That's ok, honey.
I'll make enough
money for the
both of us,
and I love you and
your whole family.
President: By the way,
what did you do with
that bravo pinhead?
Everything's under control.
Boybot: Wow! It
sure is dark in here.
Good thing we have
such a great pal
to hang out with.
Yeah, whatever.
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Turner entertainment group
captioning performed by
the national captioning
institute, inc.
Public performance of captions
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ha ha ha ha!