Johnny Bravo (1997) s02e01 Episode Script

Bikini Space Planet/Moby Jerk/A Gel for Johnny

1, 2, 3, hyah!
Man, i'm pretty.
Hyuh! Ha! Hyuh!
Do the monkey with me.
Come on.
Hey there, baby.
Yeah, whatever.
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
Here's johnny.
What'll it be,
Hey, pops.
Order of fries.
Now, who's going to be
the lucky lady
To share them with me?
Oh, very wrong number.
We have a winner.
Hey, baby.
Anybody ever tell you
I have
beautiful eyes?
Take a picture
of me.
I'm pretty.
Check it out.
Huh! Puppy dog.
Woman: The organism
called johnny
Seems to be a superior
breed of earthling.
Yes. He will make an
excellent specimen
for our experiments.
You, me,
the moonlight
You do the math.
Would you excuse me
while i powder my nose?
No problemo.
She digs me.
[car engine starts]
[tires screech]
For the love
of humanity, move!
Well, hello,
shiny mamas.
We are 2
enticing females
Who wish to commence
dating rituals with you.
HmmUsually i like
to make the first move.
Let me think about it.
Ok, i thought about it.
Let's motor.
Here's your fries, j--
Nice rig.
Must be an import.
[beep beep]
Hey, pops.
Clam smoothie,
and keep 'em coming.
Carl, thank goodness
you're here.
I think johnny's
in trouble.
What do you mean?
He ordered
a side of fries
And didn't stay
to eat them.
This is serious.
There's more.
There were
2 girls here.
They seemed
nice enough,
But look what
they paid with.
titanium crystals.
Johnny left
with those girls.
You don't think--
Johnny's been kidnapped
by beautiful space aliens!
Woman: Welcome
to astron 3, johnny,
The most pleasant-smelling
asteroid in the delta galaxy.
Johnny: Swanky.
Here's those napkin
holders, pops.
Good, carl.
This machine
i'm building
Should help us
pierce the time-
space continuum
And suck johnny
back to earth.
They all laughed
when i tried to build
one of these babies
Back in my nuclear
physicist days.
Well, they're not
laughing now!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
I miss you, johnny.
there will be a--
Pops: Get back
to work.
"hall of science."
Hey, what kind
of date is this?
Before commencing
our dating rituals,
We need to perform
a few tests.
Me johnny.
You babe.
Actually, i'm here
to give you
a series of tests
To measure
your value
as a specimen.
I hope you have
a high tolerance
for pain.
I've been
in love before.
OhThe set
for the dating game.
In this room,
we will test
Your reflexes
and reaction time.
Huh! Hyah!
Hoo ha!
Hyah! Ha!
How am i doing?
Oh! Oh! Uh! Oh! Oh!
Want to get
some lunch?
and salads?
Sounds perfect.
come with me.
For your final test,
i will ask you
To complete the task
That men were placed
in the universe to perform.
Open this jar
of pickles.
Well, your scores
are excellent, johnny.
Now you just need
to be vaccinated.
Well, ok,
but this date's
to get weird.
Oh! Do i get
a lollipop?
You may feel
a slight pinch.
Oh, mama!
Woman: We have captured
the earthling, my queen.
You may approach
me, johnny.
How'd you know
my name?
I've been studying
you, johnny.
You see, we've
been searching
For the perfect
male specimen.
I like where
this is going.
we know little
of earth's people,
You seem to be
a superior example
of the breed.
We wish to know
if you'd consent
to be our king.
And these are
your quarters,
my liege--
to the exact
Of the typical
male's interests
and desires.
Hail to thee,
o widescreen tv.
What's up with the cable?
Cable? What is
this cable, sire?
You know, bass fishing,
runway models
Runway models.
Ah. Pictorial
patterns transmitted
From a satellite
through a coaxial wire.
Yeah. That's
what i said.
Right away, my king.
my best friend.
Why, just
the other day,
He said to me,
"carl, you're
The mayor
of dufustown."
me the mayor.
Well, it's ready.
I just hope it works.
It's got to
work, pops.
just got to.
Your cable is
plugged in, sire.
They can take
our bagpipes,
But they'll never take
our makeup!
Sire, who is
this earthman?
Some actor guy.
He's all right if you like
them pretty boys.
[women gasping]
Remember me?
King of the space babes,
monarch for life.
Here goes nothing.
Oh, mama!
It worked, johnny!
We saved you!
I didn't want to be saved.
The important thing is
those beautiful space aliens
Will never
hurt you again.
I hate you both.
I love the smell
of nuggets in the morning.
It smells like
One fatty nuggets,
extra gristle. Hyah!
I got
a powerful hunger.
You're our
one millionth
What about
my nuggets?
Right away,
but first,
Let's get a picture
Of you and everybody's favorite
fatty nuggets mascot, lord lard.
All right.
Check it out.
Manly. Studly.
Now, what about
them nuggets?
First, let's tell you
what you've won.
It's a fabulous,
fun-filled ocean cruise!
Yes, your limo
is waiting right outside
To drive you
to the s.S. Gavin macleod,
Famed for its sports facilities,
fine dining,
And world-class
Where are my nuggets,
tuxedo boy?
By day, visit exotic beaches
with your fellow passengers,
Mostly cute single women.
Women? That's
slang for babes.
When do we leave?
Better hurry,
my friend.
The boat sails
in 5 minutes.
Let the groovin' begin.
Hey, you must be
the new swabby.
Yeah, whatever.
Hey, deck monkey,
Fetch me up
one of them fancy
umbrella drinks,
And don't skimp
on the cantaloupe balls.
Ha ha.
That's a good one.
On this ship,
you don't breathe
Without asking
captain mcspleen.
He's the meanest, one-eyedest,
one-leggedest sea dog
What ever walked
a poop deck.
The what deck?
Hoist the mizzenmast.
Make fast the topsails.
Shiver me timbers.
We're setting sail,
me mateys.
Hey, sea monkey,
you're in my sun.
Huh? You're supposed
to be down below.
What? I'm not
missing bingo, am i?
If the captain
sees you here,
i'm dead.
Come with me.
Aw, i get it.
Bumped to first class.
Now take a seat
and get to work.
Aerobics. Cool.
Shove over, old-timer.
Oh, yeah.
Flex the pecs.
Everybody feel the burn.
Come on.
Ah, the sea in me face,
rats at me feet,
And a star to steer by.
All's right
with the world.
Johnny on p.A.:
Attention, passengers.
Please join admiral johnny
for shuffleboard
On the fiesta deck.
Ladies play free.
Neptune's barca lounger!
Oops. On the line.
Nice try, old man.
I hate the sea.
What in blazes
is going on?
Must be the new
galley slave
the agency sent.
I'll take care of him
right away, sir.
I took care
of it, captain.
He won't be bothering you
again anytime soon.
[festive music playing]
Listen to me,
you scurvy
son of a squid.
I'm the captain
of this here
rig, see?
Captain, huh?
Then this must be
the captain's bell.
Nobody jingles
me captain's bell!
Hey, skipper,
where'd you get
the tin paw?
What, the hook?
Why, thereby hangs a tale.
Uh-huh. Is this
going to take long?
It was 10 years ago.
I was running
me first tuna haul
On me new rig
on a day just like this
I finished
swabbing the decks,
captain mcspleen.
Please, call me tim.
And have yourself
an extra ration
of pie tonight.
Aye aye, captain.
When over
the starboard side,
I heard a voice that could only
come from the darkest abyss.
Man: Hey,
you hockey puck!
That's right.
You, you sea cucumber.
Nice uniform.
You look like a bellboy
at the motel 5.
I say, we're
very busy here.
So, if you
don't mind--
Oh, snappy comeback.
You're a bundle of
laughs, you know that?
You're about as exciting
as a bad bowl of prunes.
Don't mock me
in front of my crew.
Oh, i apologize.
Why don't you go
Chase an anchor,
you fish stick?
Fetch me
me harpoon!
Hey, ahab, put down
the toothpick.
You'll hurt yourself.
From hades' heart,
i stab at thee.
I gave him chase,
And i've been chasing
the scabrous beast ere since.
But how'd you lose
your leg and your eye?
Badminton accident.
Well, aloha,
mexicali mamacitas.
What in the name
of davy jones' tambourine
are you doing?!
I'm taking her in.
This trip's hurting
for babage.
Shove over!
You tried to
take over my ship,
and that's mutiny!
For that, you'll pay
the ultimate penalty!
All right,
where's my stick at?
How am i supposed to
bust a pinata without a stick?
Have you any
last words, sailor?
Well, i could use
some extra towels
in my cabin.
You've spoken
your last,
You big-haired
Man: What do we
have here?
It must be idiot day
on the high seas.
Here, read my lips.
You're a meatball!
All hands below deck!
Raise the mainsail!
Come on, men!
The chase is on!
Hey, where is everybody?
I'm out of here.
Mcspleen: Arr!
I'll give you
such a pinch.
Man: Try
and catch me,
liver lips.
Say that to me face,
you scurvy devil.
Oh, i'm shaking.
Ha ha ha!
I hate you!
I hate you!
Now, where did
them ski bunnies get to?
You rang, fishy mama?
Hey, you meat head,
you're so stupid,
You joined
a stupid contest,
And they said,
"no professionals."
Oh, i don't want to
say you're a loser,
But i hear
you tie steaks
around your neck
To get dogs
to play with you.
What's the matter?
Cat got your brain?
Does this mean
you dig me?
Don't you know when
you're being insulted?
How about you and me
go find an island
And make
fishy lips?
Hey, where
are you going?
Come back, tuna girl!
I know you dig me.
Aw, baby, come on.
I think you love me.
I think
you love me!
Oh, mama.
Hey there, my little
etruscan honeybun.
Your burly
gladiator is here.
I came, i saw,
i broke a hip.
Radio d.J.: Hey, it's
the top of the hour
here in the big town,
And there's a whole lot
of crazy going down.
Huh! Hyah! Huh!
[back cracks]
Morning, beautiful.
Ok, mr. Kevin, let's make
a little magic.
This qualifies
as an emergency.
Hyah! Huh!
Johnny's high-tech.
Huh! Switch sides.
Huh! Hyah! Huh!
Well, that ought to hold her
till i get to the store.
Hey, minsky.
Hey, johnny.
Live komodo dragons
On sale today.
[loud growling]
Get back!
Get back!
Hello, johnny.
Hi, mrs. Minsky.
Hey, minsky,
where'd you put
The mr. Kevin's?
Sorry, johnny.
The hair gel plant
went on strike last week.
I don't get it.
Johnny, they've
shut down the factory.
no more mr. Kevin's
in the whole town.
Ok. Try to be
calm, johnny.
Got to go
to my quiet place.
I can't go outside
without hair gel!
I can't do it!
I just can't do it!
Why don't you
just try
One of these other
nice products?
Price check
on the no-more
Mrs. Minsky:
Hold on.
look it up.
That'll be $14.63.
Here's $12.00.
Keep the change.
Don't worry, johnny.
Your hair looks fine.
Aw, mama.
Aw, double mama.
Don't panic. Lots
of fine products out there.
One of them
has to work.
That ain't the one.
I don't think so.
Hey, johnny.
Hi, johnny.
Don't look at me.
Your hair looks
really awful.
What happened?
Big strike.
No hair gel.
The horror.
The horror!
Don't worry, johnny.
I'll fix your hair
at my house
While we watch my new
gabbity abby video.
A gabbity time for sissie.
A gabbity time for sue.
A gabbity time
for margaret.
A gabbity time for you.
I think gabbity abby
is so pretty.
I have every
gabbity abby
doll there is.
I also have the comic book
and the newsletter
The whole picnic set
and the 24-disc cd-rom.
She's not real,
you know. Ow!
There, johnny.
All done.
What did you do
to me, man?!
[evil laughter]
Hey, johnny,
where are
you going?
Pop: That's a new look
for you, johnny.
I'm ruined, pops.
The one hair gel
That can keep my
hair looking pretty,
And they've closed
the factory.
Hair gel, eh?
Which hair gel?
Mr. Kevin's
hair cement.
Mr. Kevin's? Did you
say mr. Kevin's?
Ha ha ha!
Why, that's
the secret ingredient
In my 5-alarm chili.
Ha ha ha!
Come on back into
the kitchen, son.
Ha ha ha!
[singing hoarsely]
[door opens]
Back, bobo, back.
Bobo, back!
Back, i say!
She's all yours, johnny.
Come on, chili.
Daddy needs a new set of locks.
Whoa, baby!
Soft, pliable, bouncy.
Thanks, pops.
You're a lifesaver.
Sure thing, johnny.
Oh, and, uh
Let's not tell
the health department
about this.
That ain't good.
Hey, get off of me!
Get off, you dang varmints!
It doesn't get
much weirder than this.
Hair gel
Hair gel.
What the
Oh, mama!
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
That's the stuff.
Just relax
and feel
the hair gel.
All the hair gel
you'll ever need.
I think
you missed a spot.
Compliments of mr. Kevin.
He is the artist.
I am merely the clay.
Everything's perfect here
at the hair gel oasis.
Radio d.J.'s voice:
Where the temperature's
A steaming 91 degrees
in the shade!
Now let's get
the traffic lowdown
From my man bobby g.
Folks, watch out
for that overturned
pickle truck
On the i-6.
There are gherkins
Oh, it was
only a bad dream.
Huh! Hyah! Huh!
[yawns loudly]
[back cracks]
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
Captioned by the national
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