Johnny Bravo (1997) s02e03 Episode Script

1
1, 2, 3, hyah!
Baby.
Sassy.
Man, i'm pretty.
Hyuh! Ha! Hyuh!
Do the monkey with me.
Come on.
Hey there, baby.
Ooh!
Yeah, whatever.
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Hmm
What are you
doing, johnny?
Hey, mama.
I'm preserving
myself for the ages
In chopped liver.
Johnny, i was
going to serve that
To the girls
in my mahjong club.
What?
You mean people
eat this stuff?
Mmm
Johnny's tasty.
Here, johnny.
This came for you
in today's mail.
Read it for me, mama.
My hands are all livery.
Oh, johnny!
It's a chain letter!
It says here
that horrible things
will happen
If you don't copy it
and forward it
to 10 people.
Give me that.
No, johnny!
What are you doing?
Aw, mama,
chain letters are
Just a bunch of
superstitious hooha.
Now, if you'll
excuse me,
It's time
for my favorite
show. Hyah!
Woman: My psychic buddies
are waiting for your call.
Keep waiting.
Man: Hello, and welcome
To another edition of
bikini bungee jumping--
[static]
Due to technical
difficulties,
Your regular show
will be preempted
By an old man reading
the pennsylvania penal code.
Whosoever
is found loitering
near a filling station
During the hours
of 3:00 and 5:00 a.M.--
Stinkin' cable.
Oh, johnny,
it's starting!
[spits]
Horrible, tragic
bad luck!
I'd better
put on my lucky
support hose.
I'm too pretty
to have bad luck.
Hyuh! I'm going
to the gym.
Sorry.
New policy--
No skateboards,
no dogs,
No johnnies.
[whoosh]
Huh?
All right,
stay calm.
This ain't about
no chain letter.
It's just
a coincidence.
Ooh!
Boy: Sorry,
mister.
Hey, that almost
hit my hair!
[crash]
Oh, what next?
Uh-oh.
[thunder]
Whoa, mama.
Ooh!
[muttering]
Woman: Hey, look, girls!
It's johnny bravo!
Second woman:
Get him!
Ha ha ha!
That was fun.
Good for us.
Nice work,
ladies.
Let's get lunch.
Yum!
Having a bad
day, johnny?
Don't get
near me, kid.
I got some seriously
twisted mojo going on.
Really? Whenever
i have bad luck,
I pet a kitty.
Pet a kitty, huh?
I am desperate enough
to try it.
Here, kitty.
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.
[meowing]
Nice kitty-cat.
Huh?
[snarling]
Johnny: Ow.
So you're having a run
of bad luck, eh, johnny?
You know, when i was
hunting giant squid
Off the coast
of biminy back in '62,
We had a lot
of cursed luck.
The natives
called it bad juju.
That's why when you
were out cold,
I took some of your
hair and toenails
And fashioned a crude doll
in your likeness.
Just keep
the doll safe,
And no harm
will come to you.
[groaning]
Aah!
Aah! Ooh! Aah!
Ah-ah! Ooh!
Ah
[coughs]
Don't be swayed
by these
Primitive
superstitions,
johnny.
As any man
of science
will tell you,
The only way
to break
a curse is
To swing a sack
of salamis
in a corn field
While yodeling
at the break
of dawn.
Here goes nothing.
[yodeling]
Hey, nothing bad
is happening.
It worked.
I broke the curse.
Go, little salamis.
Break free
of your natural casings.
With these deli meats
as my witness,
I'll never be
unlucky again.
Who-o-o-o-oa!
Oh, mama!
Oh!
Ooh!
[object falling]
[moo]
Ooh!
Can you spell
hemorrhage?
Dionne warwick?
Sorry. Reflex.
Hello, johnny.
My psychic buddies and i
Heard your karmic
cries for help.
Ah. There's
nothing you can
do for me, dionne.
I got a terminal
case of bad juju.
You don't have
bad juju, johnny.
You created
your own misfortune
By not believing
in yourself.
Of course.
I did?
It doesn't matter
whether you walk
under a ladder,
Break a mirror,
Or tear up
a chain letter.
Real luck comes
from inside
A person's
own heart.
Hey, nothing
happened.
It is all a bunch
of silly superstition.
That's right,
johnny.
Johnny bravo's through
being sissy-slapped
by lady luck.
From now on, i'll
make my own destiny.
I'm free! Free!
Good-bye, johnny,
and take care of--
[cat snarling]
Ooh
Oh!
[doorbell rings]
Hello. We're
selling cookies.
Would you like
to buy some?
No. Now go away.
That, kung-fu guy,
is a decision you
will live to regret.
Thank you for
saving our town,
kung-fu guy.
But how did
you know they
were robots?
Kung-fu guy:
Robots?
Squint ringo, you are
like unto a god to me.
Announcer: Squint ringo fans,
meet your favorite action star
Signing his new book,
ringo on ringo,
Tomorrow morning
at the galleria mall.
Ringo: I am looking forward
to meeting you--
Announcer: At crowman's
book mart!
Squint ringo in person.
Huh! Hyah! Hoo!
Oh, i'm there.
Oh!
Ow.
I like to make a good
impression on people.
Here, sonny,
let me
help you up.
Why, thanks,
old-timer.
Hey, aren't you
a bit old
To be a squint
ringo fan?
Well, i don't know
about that,
But i do know
one thing--
There's gold
under this here mall,
And i means
to get it.
I means to get it.
I do! I do!
Hee hee hee!
Hee hee hee!
Ooh hoo hoo!
Hee hee hee!
It's going to be
a long night.
All right,
all right.
Let's keep this
line moving.
We love you,
squint.
You're the best.
Come on, people.
Chop-chop.
Ladies and gentlemen,
i'm very sorry,
But there's
only one more book.
You'll all
have to go home.
[everyone groans]
What? I can't
be denied.
Hey, mr. Ringo,
i'm your biggest fan.
Is that so?
I know
all your moves--
The spleen jab
from episode 23,
The gouge
of 1,000 suns
from episode 42.
Nice moves, kid.
Very impressive.
Now, if you'll
excuse me
[whispering]
Yeah, uh-huh,
yeah, right.
Hey, kid,
how'd you like
to be on the show?
Would i? Hyuh! Hyah!
What would i be, like,
your sidekick or something?
Um, something like that.
Oh, mama!
I'm going to be a star.
And the winner
for best actor is
Johnny bravo for
dragon force 7,
The smell
of hoisin.
[cheering and applause]
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Mmm.Mwah!
Hay breath.
Ha ha ha ha!
Hoo hoo hoo!
Ha ha ha ha!
Quiet!
Quiet on the set!
[indistinct]
Hey, baby,
i'm johnny bravo.
Where's my trailer?
Bravo, johnny.
You're supposed
to go to makeup.
Kung-fu guy,
scene 37, take
one!
AndAction!
I'm not interested
in your long-
distance service.
Director: Cut!
Oh ho ho!
Beautiful, squint!
Beautiful!
Take a juice break.
Bring out the meat!
[coughs]
Get in there, son.
What's
my motivation?
He'll hit you,
and you'll feel pain.
Got it.
Places!
AndAction!
Cut! Print it.
Johnny: Nice
working with you.
You're a very
giving performer.
Director: Action!
Action!
Action!
Action!
Action!
[johnny screaming]
Director: Action!
Johnny: Oh, mama!
Is the safety pillow
properly inflated?
Oh, yes.
Ooh!
Director: Cut! Print!
Let's break for lunch.
I'll be
in my trailer.
Ringo's voice:
Believe it or not,
I was once
an average yutz
just like you.
I was waiting tables
at the good-n-beefy,
Till one
fateful evening.
This steak is
far too tough.
Let me tenderize it
for you. Hyah! Huh! Yah!
[ding]
Kid, i'm going to
make you a star!
Ringo's voice:
So remember,
Show your stuff,
break the rules,
And maybe you can be
a star like me.
Squint's right.
I've got to show them
What johnny bravo's
made of. Hyah!
[knocking]
Let's go, bravo.
You're up.
Oh, yeah. Magic time.
Cut! Bring out
the meat.
I'll take it
from here.
Yeah?
I like your book.
Action!
My face!
Aah! My face!
Hyah! Hyuh!
Hyuh! Hyah!
Hyah! Hyuh!
Let's take it again
from my good side.
Oh! He hurt squint!
Get him!
Book signing.
How about a book?
Book today?
[rumbling]
What you got there,
young fella?
It's my new book.
Never ever ever
hit a t.V. Star.
It's gold, i tell you!
Pure gold!
Yee hee hee hee!
Hoo hoo hoo!
Ha ha ha!
Yee ha ha ha ha!
Wiggy.
Johnny bravo,
you trail a common
tree stump
By over $12,000.
Here's your
final question--
Name the 4
food groups.
Fruit, dairy, uhBeef jerky,
and a garden hose.
[buzz]
Ooh! Wrong!
Common tree stump,
you're our winner!
Nuts! This game's fixed.
More pickled
peacock tongue,
o royal one?
Does my fanning
disturb you,
prince of princes?
Your highness!
A terrible crisis!
The royal currency
is down over 20%
In the face of
ongoing international
trade deficits.
Oh, must i do
everything myself?
Simply borrow
against the principal
And reinvest
in our pacific-rim
soybean futures.
Brilliant,
your majesty!
You've saved
the economy.
All hail prince hondo.
Yes, yes, yes,
but i grow bored
of such things.
Leave me!
I wish to brood.
[claps]
Oh, what a bore
my princely duties
have become.
How i long
for a simpler life.
The answer is easy,
your majesty.
Just find
a commoner who is
your exact double
And switch places
with him.
Are such things done?
I see it on tv
all the time.
Yes, of course!
I'll do it.
You realize,
as the only one
Who is aware
of my plans,
You will have to
be silenced.
I would be honored,
your majesty.
Excellent.
But where can i find
an exact double
So stupid, so brainless
that he'll be incapable
Of exploiting his new
princely position?
Careful. Steady.
Perfect.
Mwah!
Oh, yeah.
My posterior preserved
for posterity.
Huh?
Ooh
Shiny.
Hi, beautiful.
Hello, johnny.
Whoa.
Talking mirror.
Echo.
Might i have
a word with you?
I don't know.
I was told
To stop talking
to myself in public.
Oh!
I have a proposal
to make you.
Hey, you ain't one
of them rich princes
Who wants
to switch places
With his exact
double, are you?
UmWhy, yes, i am.
You see, i--
Want to experience
life as a commoner.
I know.
Am i really
that transparent?
No. I just seen
a lot of tv.
But it ain't
gonna work, mister.
Mama would spot
a fake in a minute.
There you are, johnny.
It's time for lunch.
And tell that
cheap look-alike
To get his limo
out of my driveway.
We got a deal!
Something tells me
i'm in for
A wacky, fun-filled
adventure.
To the palace,
chauffeur boy.
Hyuh!
Mmm
Good woman,
This is the best
spreadable lunchmeat
i've ever had.
But you've barely
touched it, honey.
And i just opened
a fresh drum.
Now, don't hurt
mama's feelings.
Eat. Eat.
Come on.
No, no, please.
I couldn't eat
another bite.
Oh, is the government
meat too tough
for my little soldier?
Here, let mama
tenderize it for you.
There. That's
much better.
NowOpen wide.
Dear, sweet
merciful heavens!
I do hope
my counterpart
Is faring better
than i.
I'm starving.
Got any
government meat?
I'll check with
the chef, sire,
But first,
you must attend to
your royal duties.
Court:
Hail, prince hondo.
Hey, thank you.
You're beautiful.
Prince hondo!
Prince hondo!
Johnny: Oh, mama!
Man: Please,
your highness.
It's time for your weekly
address to the nation.
Johnny: Address to the nation?
I'm all over it.
Hello, nation.
Hello, your majesty.
Hello, your majesty.
How you-all doing?
Fine.
Fine.
So, what did you do
this weekend?
Nothing special.
Nothing special.
Man: I saw a movie.
Quiet.
All right. Well, uh
Keep it up. Hyah! Huh!
Now to experience
life as an average
everyday schmo.
Hello, young lady.
My, what bracing
weather we're--
You!
Oh!
[buzz]
No! There seems to be
a misunderstanding.
Aah!
For the 15th time,
bravo,
I will not
go out with you!
Oh!
Carl: Hi, johnny.
Hey, you don't look so good.
Man: 5th-century vase.
[crash]
12th-century figurine.
[crash]
Bronze-dynasty pitcher.
Priceless
terra cotta statue.
I'm bored. Where's
my lawn darts?
But, sir, it's time
for your meeting
With the queen mother
of efflubia.
We mustn't keep
her waiting, sir.
Ah, all right.
Show the old
battle-ax in.
Greetings,
your majesty.
I am here
to sign the treaty
Which will
bring peace
to our 2 nations.
Whoa.
Never mind that.
How's about you and me
Forming
a more perfect union?
I think not.
Want to see
my royal seal?
Creep.
This means war!
[buzz]
Aah!
Can i call you
sometime?
Carl: And these are
the worker termites.
This one is signaling the others
with his scent glands.
Fascinating,
i'm sure,
But i
really must be
toddling along.
Peruvian fire termites
sense rejection, johnny.
You'd better apologize
to the queen.
Apologize!
Apologize!
Ooh!
Hmm? What? Oh!
Aah! Aah! Aah!
Uh-oh.
Uh! Let's get
out of here!
Aah!
Aah!
I've had it
with you people.
You're all
extremely silly.
Ah, this is the life.
I'm rich, pampered,
and loved by all.
[screaming]
Hey, anybody
seen the remote?
Prince hondo,
For creating
a mockery
of the crown,
Promoting war,
and other crimes
against the state,
I hereby place you
under arrest!
Bummer.
Fear not, my nobles.
Your prince has returned.
What? Seize him!
What is the meaning of this?
Unhand your prince!
Man: Now, which one of you
is the real prince
And which one
the impostor?!
Answer carefully
because the real prince
Will be imprisoned
in the tower
For the rest
of his natural life.
He is.
He is.
Stop! I'm mark twain,
Author of
the prince and the pauper,
And i'm begging
cartoon makers everywhere
To please let
this tired story die.
There's only one solution
to the quandary.
Johnny: Hey, princy,
check it out.
Bunny rabbit.
Oh, poopy!
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
Captioned by the national