Johnny Bravo (1997) s02e05 Episode Script

Endless Bummer/Jailbird Johnny/Bravo 13

1, 2, 3, hyah!
Man, i'm pretty.
Hyah! Ha! Huh!
Do the monkey with me! Come on!
Hey there, baby.
Oh! Uh!
Yeah, whatever.
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
Man: [british accent]
the ocean, mother of all life.
A fragile paradigm
of grace and moistness.
Even the tiniest sea grass
plays a part
In her delicate
and eternal ballet.
Johnny's in the house.
Ah, el beacho
del babeburritos.
I think i'll impress them
with my patented beach strut.
Aah! Uhh!
Ooh, hot, hot!
Ooh, it's hot! Aah! Uhh!
Ha. Sandy.
Aah! Ooh! Eee!
It's good to get
out of the house.
Oh, yeah.
Chicks love crisp,
toasty skin.
Ha! 3 johnnys.
Can't see!
Must talk like this!
Uh, good dog.
Time to demonstrate
my aquatic agility.
Hey, ladies,
i'm dolphin-safe.
My love is
a tidal wave
And you're
beachfront property.
She digs me.
Excuse me,
beachy mama,
I couldn't help
noticing your lack
of uv protection.
How about i apply
A little
oil o' johnny?
[australian accent]
thanks, mate. Awfully
sporting of you.
Oh, i-i-i thought
you were--
I mean, i didn't
know you were a
Mmm. Beach sports.
Allow me.
Hyah! Ha!
All over! All gone!
Yeah, look out!
Hyah! Ha!
Be the ball.
Can you believe it?
I'm single.
Hey, no fair!
That sand jockey's
cutting in on
my action.
Hyah! Hey, fella,
They're casting
an episode of
thong patrol
Down the beach.
You mean over there?
Better hurry,
your tan is fading.
Good thing i brought
my headshots.
Love court is in session.
Lifeguard johnny presiding.
Hyah! Ha!
Huh! Hyah! Ha!
They've gone
to spread the word.
Shouldn't be long now.
I don't get it.
What am i doing wrong?
Help! Drowning here!
Do fetch a bit
of help, what?
Help me, i say!
Maybe i need
a full body wax.
It's a monster!
[heavy breathing]
That monstrous foot!
That horrible, foul odor!
Carl, what are
you doing?
I'm camouflaging myself
as plankton while
i look for specimens.
Want to help?
Leave me alone,
you water wienie.
I'm trying to
impress the honeys
By being
a lifeguard.
Really? Did you
save anyone yet?
Why would i want
to do that?
Johnny, you have
to demonstrate
Your lifesaving abilities
to attract the ladies.
Help! Save me!
Where am i going
to find someone to save?
Tally round
the plimsoll, what?
There's someone now!
Settle down, lady.
This ain't about you.
Aah! Uhh!
Uh, this yours?
I saved your life!
Tell your friends!
Clam on a stick!
Get them while
they're clams!
Hiya, johnny!
Clam on a stick?
Thanks, pops.
What's wrong? You seem
a little down.
Aw, i got to find
someone to rescue,
And i ain't
having much luck.
I say!
I'm going down
for the third time,
don't you know?
Heh heh heh.
People just don't
drown every day,
Sometimes you've got
to help them along
a little.
Whoops, i've said
too much!
Wait a minute, pops.
You just gave me an idea.
Johnny, you shouldn't
go in the water until
an hour after--
Ahh, he'll be fine.
Get your clam
on a stick!
Carl, i need you
to fake a drowning.
Don't worry, citizen!
I'll save you!
Ooh, cramp!
Oh, no!
Johnny's in trouble!
I'll save you, johnny!
[glub glub]
[deep breath]
Hang in there,
johnny old chum.
Stand back, everyone.
I'm going to give him
the kiss of life!
[deep breath]
[deep breath]
Live, you brave,
waterlogged soul!
[deep breath]
He's a hero!
Oh, safe at last!
A rather daring escape
from davy jones,
i should think.
I say! I'm in
the drink again!
Tally round the--
[glub glub]
Hyah! Ha!
Ha! Huh!
Candy--the most important
meal of the day.
Mmm, chocodent, yeah.
The candybar that brushes
your teeth while you eat it.
Freeze, mister!
What's the problem,
What do you
call that?
That's a sidewalk.
Didn't they
teach you that
at the academy?
Oh, funny guy, huh?
Well, you just
got yourself a $10
ticket for littering.
I don't have that
kind of money.
All i got is
this bottlecap,
27 cents,
And some dryer lint.
Hey! You trying
to bribe me, fella?
No. I'm just trying
to give you stuff
so you'll let me go.
That's it!
Let's you and me
take a visit downtown!
All rise for
the courtroom scene.
The honorable judge trudy
presiding in the people
versus johnny bravo.
Mmm, justice is served!
Hyah! Hey, judge gorgeous.
May i please the court?
Mr. Bravo, you're
accused of littering.
Do you have a lawyer?
No, your honor,
i'll be defending myself.
Hyah! Ha! Huh!
Are you familiar
with the saying
That any man who
defends himself has
a fool for a client?
Then i'm hired.
All right, mr. Bravo.
How do you plead?
Like this.
Please, oh, please!
I could hold you
in contempt.
I don't care
how you hold me,
just hold me.
Mr. Bravo, do you
have anything to say
in your defense?
I sweat a lot,
But my breath
is minty fresh.
Mr. Bravo, normally i
dismiss cases like yours,
But in this instance,
i'm going to sentence you
To 86 consecutive
life sentences.
All right!
Wait, is that bad?
Take this knuckle-
walking neanderthal
out of here!
Uh, can i get that lawyer now?
Oh, my poor baby!
He's going to rot away
for the rest of
his unnatural life!
Don't worry,
mrs. Bravo.
I'll find a way
to free johnny.
Oh, honey, you are
the sweetest thing.
No problem.
I can get extra
credit for it
at school.
Forehead fontana.
Needlenose newman.
Shorty longfellow.
Joanie bravo.
Uh, that's johnny.
Stow it, girlfriend.
State paperwork never lies.
[women chattering]
For a prison, this place
smells kind of powdery.
Hi, new girl!
Let's have lunch!
I like your hair, ok?
Here's your new home,
Good. You're just in time
for pedicures.
Hi. I'm tiffany,
grand theft auto.
Phoebe, racketeering
and mail fraud.
Love your nails.
Hold the phone.
This is a ladies' prison.
The system does work!
I don't think i've found
any clues yet.
How are you doing,
mrs. Bravo?
Would you look at this?
An almost untouched jar
of pickled herring.
Hmm. I guess we're not
having much luck.
You know, dear,
On all the tv shows
they reenact the crimes.
Hey, that's a great
idea, mrs. Bravo!
Hyah! Huh! Ha!
Do the monkey!
You can play
the policeman,
mrs. Bravo.
Ha! Huh! Hyah!
You loathsome
piece of filth!
Slime like you
makes me crazy!
Ok, that's enough
reenacting for today.
Sorry, dear.
I was in the moment.
What we need is
an eyewitness.
20 minutes
recreation, bravo.
Ha! Hyah!
Hi, joanie.
Hey, joanie.
Phoebe's going to
give me a french braid.
Do you want one?
No, thanks.
That's a chick thing.
Ha ha ha!
You talk just
like a guy.
Oh, a guy.
If i had
a guy here,
I'd carve him
a heart out of
a cake of soap.
If i had a guy here,
I don't care how big
or stupid he was.
I would hold his hand
as we watched the sun set
over the guard tower.
Yeah. If i had a guy here--
Hey, wait a sec--
i am a guy!
No way.
Get out of here!
You are not.
If you're a guy,
prove it.
Yeah, prove it.
You girls familiar
with the blue line
rules in hockey?
If an opposing player--
Hey, girls!
a guy!
All right, you got it.
Thursday at 8:00.
And i won't be
late, baby.
Ok, next tuesday
at 5:00, all right.
Hey, hey--calm down, girls.
There's enough johnny
for everyone. Hyah!
Warden wants
to see you.
Be there in a sec.
Come in, joanie.
And what's-her-name.
Joanie, these
women claim
to have evidence
Exonerating you
from your crimes.
I don't know what
"exonerate" means,
But i like it here.
Sit down, johnny.
Lights, please.
The footage you're looking at
was taken from a security camera
At an automated teller machine
near where johnny was arrested.
Here's johnny on the corner
at 12:01 p.M.
Johnny: Ha! Look at
that handsome fella.
He unwraps the candybar
Hey, i'm hungry.
Watch carefully.
Here we see johnny clearly
throwing the wrapper
into the garbage.
Let's see that once more.
Hey, i did it again!
Mama: Quiet, dear.
This proves
conclusively that--
But wait,
there's more!
Slowing the tape
reveals the presence
Of a second candy eater
on the grassy knoll.
At 12:02, he makes his move.
His wrapper
bounces off the can
And lands at
the officer's feet.
Thereby proving a massive
conspiracy reaching to the
very highest levels of power!
Actually, it just proves
that some other guy
threw the wrapper.
Sorry, dear, i was
in the moment again.
Well, that's pretty
You're free to go,
But--but wait!
I'm guilty!
I bribed a cop!
I hit on judge trudy!
Oh, please,
let it drop.
I have a manicure
in 10 minutes.
Thank you, suzy,
for helping me
get my boy free.
My pleasure, mrs. Bravo.
We make a good team.
Let me back in!
I'm guilty!
I'm guilty, i tells you!
Oh, mama!
Hey, there,
my little etruscan
Your burly gladiator
is here.
I came, i saw,
i broke a hip.
Carl: Oh, cool!
Look at all the
metamorphic rock strata!
Who cares?
I can't believe
we're going
To hurl world
amusement park!
You can stop
talking now.
I think we're lost.
We ain't lost.
Let's take this
blue road.
That's a river.
It'll be scenic.
Let me drive!
It's my mother's car!
You don't know
how to drive.
Will you teach me?
Then teach me
to line dance.
I already know
how to boot-scoot.
Here, hold the map.
la la la la la la
Hey, look--
hurl world,
The most fun you
can have getting sick.
I don't know, johnny.
If this is hurl world,
where are all
the tourists?
Aw, quit your
Can i help
you boys?
Yes, sir.
Hyah! I am here
to test the limits
Of both man and machine--
To push the envelope
even if it kills me.
You astronauts are
the bravest men on earth.
Johnny, i don't think
this is an amusement park.
I think this is
the national aeronautics
and space admi--
A high-density cold fusion
hogieatronic generator!
It's beautiful!
Ha! Stupid kiddie ride.
There she is--
the regurgitator 9000.
No man ever rode her
without hurling.
Until today.
Hmm. I must be
the first in line.
Hold on, astroboy.
I was here first.
See this suit?
It means i'm firing up
this candle.
Try the bumper cars,
You dirty
Must be one of them
anti-hurl suits.
Hey, kid.
Name's johnny.
Hyah! Looks like
we're going to be
flying together.
Man, i guess there's
no pretty requirement
for this ride.
Hey, wicked.
What's this do?
[angry grunts]
[angry grunts]
Let the ride begin!
[thrusters fire]
Ha! Vibrating.
So i said,
"lace curtains
with a burgundy rug?
Oh, colonel gristle,
We've got
a premature launch.
What? What the devil
is going on?
Raise the cockpit.
Eczema 7, eczema 7,
this is mission control.
Come in, please.
Hey! Who's talking at me?
Uh, sir,
who are you?
I asked you first.
Is, uh, captain
miller there?
No. Just me
and the hairy kid.
Sir, you've
initiated an
unauthorized launch.
Abort mission
Hey! Looky what
i can do!
You don't
Your azimuth
is misaligned,
Your gimbals need
to be recalibrated.
It's not true!
I'm just big-boned.
Look, j-just put
the chimp on,
will you?
He says some idiot
sat next to him
And fired up
the main rocket.
Tell him to
redirect his course
to 1-0-niner
And begin reentry.
Hey, it's
my turn again.
This ride stinks.
I'm out of here.
This must be
the emergency brake.
Ha ha! Drafty.
Now re-initiate your
auto-guidance stabilizers.
No problem.
Uh, houston,
i made a boo-boo.
Sir, the weird guy's
blown all 17 oxygen
There's only
a few more minutes
of breathable air.
People, i know things
may look bleak,
But we're bringing
those boys back alive.
Failure is not an option!
Now, does anyone know
how to repair a used
russian oxygen scrubber?
Well then, he's doomed.
Let's get lunch.
Wait! I know!
I've got all
the technical manuals
going back to 1957,
And i've seen every
episode of biff mccoy,
galaxy boy 26 times!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
I don't know
who you are
Or how you got
in here,
But you're
in control now.
Man, how do you
change the channels
on this thing, huh?
Listen to me,
Listen very carefully.
These are the only spare parts
available to you in the cockpit.
You're going to have
to make this
Using only this.
[cat screeches]
Hurry, johnny!
You only have
two minutes left!
Ok, maybe less.
We're too late, son.
No force in the universe
can save him now.
[pant pant]
Look! It's the chimp!
Aw, come on!
You stupid thingy!
Hey, what the--whoa!
They've gone into
radio blackout, sir.
All we can do now
is wait.
I know!
Let's sing camp songs
to keep our spirits up!
[crew cheers]
Now this is my kind of ride.
That was fun.
Can i do it again?
Look out.
Hyah! Ha!
Oh, mama!
A babe!
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
Captioned by the national
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