Johnny Bravo (1997) s02e07 Episode Script

I, Fly/Schnook of the North/Charm School Johnny

1, 2, 3!
Man, i'm pretty.
Hyuh! Ha! Hyuh!
Do the monkey with me.
Come on.
Hey there, baby.
Yeah, whatever.
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
I don't know
why i got to do this.
The lawn's only going to
get dirty again.
And, johnny dear,
when you
finish that,
I want you to rake
the living room.
Hi, johnny.
What you doing?
None of your business.
Ha ha ha ha!
You're funny.
Will you
do me a favor?
Can i keep my
science project
in your garage?
Not a chance.
And don't look
under the tarp.
It's a secret.
I'm worried about spies.
You're a weird
little freak.
I know i am,
but what
are you?
Ha ha ha
I wonder if i could
hunt him for sport.
Science project, huh?
"molecular body mass
teleportation device."
Body mass?
You can never have
too many muscles.
Huh! Ha! Hyuh!
Ooh, sciency.
Dang flies.
Johnny: I don't feel
any buffer.
Aah! I turned into some kind
of horrible fly mutant!
Still pretty, though.
I better find carl.
Mama: There you are,
I've been looking
all over for you.
Come inside.
It's time for lunch.
I can't believe
this is happening.
This is the worst, most horrible
situation i've ever--
Hey, baby.
How's about you and me
grabbing a nice bowl
of rancid pork?
Dang! Must be
a vegetarian.
Jerk. I got a good mind
to lay my eggs on you.
Oh, man.
I got to find carl.
I got to get
changed back.
I got to--
hey, my hands are dirty.
Darling, i've
never seen you
Pay such attention
to hygiene before.
And usually you
only take 2 sugars
on your meatloaf.
Are you sure you're
feeling all right,
johnny dear?
Ah, johnny? Johnny,
answer me, darling.
I'd better take
your temperature.
Let's see. 20!
That does it.
Right to bed
with you, mister.
That rancid stench,
that smell of rotten flesh.
Hey, it's pops' diner.
I wonder
if carl is here.
the little geek now.
I'd better--
hello, pie!
Buzz off, ugly.
Get your own pie.
Waiter, there's
a fly in my soup.
Welcome to pops'.
Pops' corn chowder.
I'm a fly,
and even i'm revolted.
Hey, where'd carl go?
Oh, no!
He's getting away!
Hey, carl--oh! Ow.
That was stupid.
Ow. Ow. Ow.
[knocking on door]
Hello, mrs. Bravo.
You're looking
beautiful today.
The spectral rays
of the sun
Really bring out
the highlights in
your varicose veins.
Is johnny home?
Johnny's in bed
with a cold, dear,
But you're
welcome to peek in
and say hello.
la la la la
la la la la
Johnny? Johnny,
where are you?
Oh, there you are.
Ok if i check on
my science project?
Ok, thanks. Bye.
la la la la
la la la la--
Huh! Someone's
tampered with
My teleportation
There can be
only one explanation!
Industrial spies are trying
to steal my experiment.
I'd better run home
and get my anti-spy kit.
Carl? Carl, are you home,
you little weed?
he's not around.
Well, as long
as i'm here,
I might as well dance
on his toothbrush.
Woman: Hello,
short, dark,
and handsome.
Hey, multilegged mama,
you looking for company?
Actually, i was
just sitting down
for dinner.
Care to join me?
What's on the menu,
You are, fly boy.
Couldn't we
just cuddle first?
Got to find it!
Got to find my spy kit!
Johnny: Help me!
Help me, carl!
Quiet, johnny.
I'm very busy.
Hey, johnny,
you're a fly.
What happened?
Your stupid machine
happened, you geek.
It worked?
Oh, boy, i'm going
to make a fortune!
Now, all i have to do
is register with
the patent office and--
Oh, right.
Save your life.
Here, fly, fly.
Come on.
That's right.
Good boy.
There. I've lured
the johnny fly
into the other pod
With some
3-day-old meatloaf.
Now, johnny, you
stay in this pod--
3-day-old meatloaf?
I'm there!
Johnny, no!
More chocolate sauce
on your pimento loaf, boys?
Yes, please.
Lay it on me.
This was a strange
and disturbing episode.
Mama: Johnny,
be a doll
And hold these
girdles for mama.
Aw, mama, i can't be seen
with all these lacy things.
The selection
is terrible here.
Next time i'll go
to a better place.
Wait for mama. I'll be
in the changing room.
I'm just holding these
for somebody.
Just holding them.
What are you
looking at?
Fromage today?
Fromage today?
Huh! Ha!
Hey, pretty mama.
Fromage today?
I'm blinded!
I can't see!
Whoa. Everything's
Hey, baby. Big
johnny sale today--
one size fits all.
I'm just holding this.
Oh, nothing's
fitting, johnny.
Let's try the big and hefty
across town.
Johnny? Sweetie?
Johnny dear!
I've lost my baby!
Man: What do you mean
you don't know
your address?
I think there was
a one in it.
And you have no idea
where your mother is?
She said she was going
to a better place.
Oh, you poor kid.
I'm afraid
i'm going to have
to turn you over
To family court.
Family court?
I think my house
looks something
like this, your honor.
Well, that's
very nice, johnny,
But i'm afraid
it doesn't help us.
See the sun?
Ha! He's smiling.
Johnny, we're
going to have to
Place you with
a foster family.
Well, all right, but you
better ask my mama first.
You know, usually
it's hard to place
someone your age,
But i think
i know a family
That would be happy
to have you.
You must be johnny.
We're the andersons.
[teeth chattering]
Why would anyone
live here?
I'm kaylak,
and this is unta,
your new mom.
I'm freezing
my butt off.
And i'm bud.
We're going to
be brothers.
That's nice.
Now get away
from me.
Come on, johnny.
Let me show you
How i taught scout
to fetch icicles.
I want a new trial.
Here, scout.
Here, boy.
Fetch, scout.
Good boy. Now
you try, johnny.
Ha ha ha. Enough
horseplay, kids.
Let's get you two
scrubbed for dinner.
I can't feel my body.
Let me show you
around, johnny.
Now, this is the den.
We're going to knock
all this down and put in
permafrost later.
Where's the tv?
And this is
where you and bud
will be bunking.
Dibs on the top!
Where's the tv?
Kids, kaylak,
dinner's on.
Don't you people
have fire?
Ha ha ha!
No, johnny.
Fire bad.
How about
some tartar sauce?
I'm worried about
johnny, kaylak.
He seems to be
having a hard
time adjusting.
Oh, relax, unta.
I'm sure that
in no time,
Johnny will learn
to love arctic life
as much as we do.
Oh, my poor baby!
I can never replace him.
[doorbell rings]
Good news,
mrs. Bravo.
We found
your son.
Hey, get a load
of this dump.
It ain't
half bad.
This isn't
my son.
Look, lady, you
need a son, see?
And that's me, see?
Oh, ho ho!
He's adorable
but so thin.
I'll take him.
Let's get you
into the kitchen
And put some meat
on those bones.
Johnny, it's
a beautiful day out.
The weatherman says
it might get up to 4.
Aw, i'm bored,
foster mama.
Oh. Why don't you
go introduce yourself
to the neighbors?
They have a pretty
daughter your age.
Huh! Hyah! You said
the magic word.
Johnny: Uh,
i'm going to go now.
Huh! Hyah!
Hey there,
frosty mama.
You know,
back home
They got 126
different words
For my kind
of loving.
Ooh! Uh
Johnny, up here we live
by hunting, fishing,
and selling insurance.
I don't know nothing
about insurance.
Well, then let's
start with fishing--
ice fishing.
Just what we need--
more ice.
Now, the first step
is to carve a hole.
Try it, son.
Whoa, nellie.
I think you got one
there, johnny.
Oh, she's
a beauty, son.
Thanks, dad.
[submarine alarm sounding]
Hey, where's
my clams posolipo?
I made it with
chocolate sprinkles
like you like.
That son of yours
didn't know
how good he had it.
What a maroon.
Yes, but he was
my little maroon.
Oh, johnny.
This is going to be
the best blubber man ever.
I'm making the head.
And i made a little hat
out of walrus stomachs.
Scout, you come back here!
I'll get it,
foster mama.
Give me that,
you stupid chicken.
Mama's voice:
Johnny, come back
to me, darling.
Come home, johnny!
Mama, it is you!
I'm coming, mama!
Scat, you!
I must go,
foster family.
Ha ha ha.
We know, johnny.
Your place
is at home
watching tv.
Here. Take the keys
to the sled.
I'll never forget
you, kaylak
Uh, lady and kid.
Anyway, bye.
Mush, doggies!
He was
a good son.
Bit of a jerk,
Tell me about it.
[all laughing]
More kugel,
Duh. And clear out
I'm having the boys over
for poker.
Of course,
[noise approaching]
Hey, what's that racket?
Whoa, doggies!
That voice.
Could it be?
Well, well,
the prodigical son
the small guy?
this is mugsy.
He's an adorable
little street urchin.
Listen, wise guy.
This is my turf
now, see?
So clear out,
Or i'll have to get
rough with youse.
Hey, put me down!
Put me down, i said!
Mush, doggies!
Say hello to the andersons
for me, you little dweeb.
I'll defrost some halibut
for you, darling.
Aw, don't bother, mama.
It's perfect
the way it is.
Oh, johnny, we're
a family again!
That's right, mama.
There's no place
like home.
Johnny bravo, you trail
a common tree stump
by over $12,000.
your final question.
Name the 4 food groups.
Fruit, dairy,
uhBeef jerky,
and a garden hose.
Common tree stump,
you're our winner!
This game's fixed.
Chili fries
and a sparkling water
for madam.
Enjoy the grub.
I hate to see
a woman dine alone.
Shove over.
Your eyes
are like
2 jellylike globs
that see things.
You want me,
don't you?
Say, you gonna
eat that?
Needs ketchup.
You look like
you're used to
The finer things
in life.
Want to see me
do this?
Hmm! You, sir,
are no gentleman.
Yeah, she digs me.
Lose another one,
What's a gentleman,
A gentleman?
A gentleman's a man
of the world,
A sophisticated
bon vivant.
Am i a gentleman?
Don't be
discouraged, johnny.
Anyone can become
a gentleman,
Even you.
Ha! Johnny a gentleman?
That's a good one.
Ha ha ha!
Laugh away, carl,
but i bet
I can turn johnny
into a gentleman
In a matter
of days.
Not johnny. He eats soup
with his fingers.
It's a lie!
I bet you
i could turn
From simian
to sophisticate
by next tuesday.
And the loser has to perform
a mexican hat dance
For 24 hours straight.
Hey, look at me.
I'm spoon man.
Better make that
Welcome to
my humble abode, johnny.
Here we'll begin
your transformation.
Hey, look at me.
I'm spinny
globy man.
Focus, son.
The whole mark
of a gentleman
Is how he behaves
around a lady.
Show me
how you'd behave
On meeting this lady
for the first time.
Hey, society mama.
still available
On air johnny.
In case
of an emergency,
You can use my seat
as a floatation
Ok, i'm done
Now check out
my pretty.
Hey, i didn't know
burundi was a republic.
Don't worry.
I anticipated
This exact
Hi, johnny.
It's me--carl.
I think
i'm going to
be sick.
Johnny, what would you
say to this woman
If you saw her
on the street?
How'd you get
out of your leash?
Now, johnny
You want to be
A sophisticated
babe magnet, don't you?
I guess.
Well, good. Then give
the lady a little bow.
Yeah, johnny.
Bow before me.
You miserable
Now tell me
i'm pretty.
You're pretty.
Thank you.
Pretty repulsive.
Now carry me!
That's right, johnny.
Pretend there's a puddle
on the street
And carry
the lady across.
Thank you, kind sir.
The hat store's closed.
Carry me back.
[blub blub blub]
Good thing
i fed them
this morning.
When at tea,
A gentleman uses
proper table etiquette.
like sawdust.
Give me
the sprayo mayo.
Johnny, a gentleman
should say, "please pass
the sprayo mayo."
Please pass
the sprayo mayo.
I'd be delighted.
Let's try some polite
table conversation.
Carl, what did you
do today?
I removed
the exoskeleton
From an opsia
And mounted it
on my wall.
How delightful.
Ha ha!
And what did you do
today, johnny?
And then my pants
fell down.
Ha. Weird.
Who's ready for eel?
Johnny, don't wipe your mouth
on the tablecloth!
my mother's dress!
Heh heh heh!
you little
Pops: Ah-ah-ah.
I ain't
gonna say it.
You've got to.
Proper diction
is the hallmark
Of a sophisticated
I can't, i tell you!
Why not?
Because it's stupid!
Ooh! It's no use!
I guess johnny
doesn't want to be
in gorgeous women
Who will worship him
just because he's
a gentleman.
the ants in france
Are prancing
up my pants.
By george,
he's got it!
the ants--
Whoa! Hey! Ho!
Stop! No! Huh-uh!
No singing!
Now to put johnny
to the test,
And i know
just the place.
[orchestra playing]
Here we are, johnny--
the gold cotillion.
You're in with
the upper crust now, boy.
Try it again, johnny.
The ants in france
are prancing
up my pants.
Good boy!
Hey, there's
the duchess
of wiggystick.
If you pass
with her,
You're a gentleman
for sure.
Follow me.
Duchess, you
look splendid.
Oh, pops.
I haven't seen you
Since you
saved my life
During the soccer riots
at wembley on trent.
'twas nothing.
Say, i'd like you
to meet my protege.
meet the duchess.
Carl, you ugly old
bassett hound.
What are you doing?
The duchess of whosiface
is going to be here
any minute.
I beg
your pardon?
Johnny, stop.
Listen to me,
you impudent hooligan.
If you say
one more word,
I'm going to put
the hurting on you.
Put the hurting--
That's it!
Johnny, no!
[guests gasp]
Hi, everyone.
Sorry i'm late.
[mariachi music playing]
Look out.
Hyah! Huh!
Oh, mama!
A babe.
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
Captioned by the national
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