Johnny Bravo (1997) s02e08 Episode Script

Johnny and the Beanstalk/A Boy and His Bird/Ape Is Enough

1, 2, 3, ha!
Man, i'm pretty.
Huh! Ha! Huh!
Do the monkey with me.
Come on.
Hey there, baby.
Ooh! Ow!
Yeah, whatever.
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
HmmYou're good.
You're very good.
But i'm better.
Gin! Pay the man.
Oh, johnny!
The dry cleaning bill
is due,
And i don't have
the money to pay.
Aw, mama.
What did i tell you
About watching
the chotsky
shopping network?
You know
i can't resist a sale
on porcelain figurines!
Aw, come on, mama.
You know i hate
to see you cry.
Then it's settled.
You're taking the family cow
to market and selling her.
Aw, mama!
You never let me
have any pets.
Say, that's a mighty
fine-looking holstein
you got there.
Good card player, too.
Heh heh.
You're kind of simple,
ain't you, son?
I like that.
I tell you what
i'm gonna do.
I'm gonna trade you
a bottle of this here
hair tonic
For that there cow.
What do you think,
i just fell off
the yutz wagon?
You're right, son.
I deeply apologize.
Give me two bottles.
Done! Nice doing
business with you.
Treat her good, now.
Don't worry,
she's gonna be
a guest of honor
At a little barbecue
i'm throwing.
Can i come?
Oh, i'll never
let you go.
Never, never!
You're all my babies!
I'm back, mama.
Did you get
the money, dear?
I got something
better than money:
Wild bill's hair tonic.
You sold
the family cow
For a bottle
of hair tonic?
Two bottles.
Ain't i slick?
Now i'll never get
my muumuus back
from chumley's cleaners.
Johnny do bad?
Mama, no!
Now, you march
right upstairs,
young man,
And don't come down
Until i feel
the need to smother
you with affection.
Later that night
A giant hair stalk!
Maybe i'll find
gold treasure
Or pizza.
MmmJohnny likes pizza.
Whoa! A castle in the sky.
Just like in that fairy tale
Little red rumpelstiltskin
and the 3 bears.
And gretel.
Stupid cloud.
Who's there?
Johnny who?
Ha! Huh! Ha!
Johnny bravo.
That's the worst
knock-knock joke
i ever heard.
What do you want?
What any young adventurer
would want:
Fame. Huh!
Fortune. Huh!
Extra cheese,
no anchovies.
You know, you're
the perfect size
for an action figure.
My old ones are
all busted up.
Well, look,
you're a busy guy,
so i'll just--whoa!
How would you like
to be
My very specialist
How'd you like to get
your sweaty mitts
off of me?
Here's a tip:
Try a breath mint.
You've got spunk.
I like that
in an action figure.
Come on!
Let's have some fun!
Oh! Oh! What should
we play with first?
Let's play
Ok, tiny, that's it.
I'll give you
5 seconds to--whoa!
Whoa! Whoa!
Hey, watch the hair!
Huh! Ha! Huh! Ha! Huh! Ha!
Kids, don't
try this at home.
Oh, the fun
is just beginning.
Hey, what's with
the stupid hat?
I thought we'd have
a bracing game
of badminton.
Watch the birdie!
[tires screech]
Oh, i hope he regains
consciousness soon.
I want to play some more!
Tsk. Tsk. Another
giant hair stalk!
What do i pay
property taxes for?
Oh, look
at these split ends.
Man: Howdy, ma'am.
I couldn't help noticing
You got a giant hair stalk
on your lawn.
Now, i just happen to have
some hair remover that'll
take care of that in a jiffy.
But i don't have
any money.
No money? Hmm. Got any
porcelain figurines?
Hey, nice set of wheels.
Huh! Now for a quick getaway.
Let's take you
for a little spin.
Now, drive carefully.
These weekend motorists
can be nuts. Ha ha ha!
You would know.
Whoa, mama!
Hey, that wasn't so bad.
That all you got,
Ha ha! Nothing
can stop me now.
So, look, except
for the pain and terror,
i had a swell time,
So i'll just
head home and--
Let's play
I'll hide,
and you count to 100.
[muffled screams]
Giant: I don't hear
you counting!
1, 2, 3, 4, 5--
Bet you can't
find me, johnny!
Oh, gee.
I wonder where
old tall, dark,
and tubby is hiding.
Hee hee.
You'll never find me
in a million years.
Well, in that case,
i'm out of here.
Hey! Where are
you going?
Don't leave!
We haven't even bobbed
for watermelons yet!
Oh, this better work.
That porcelain shepherd boy went
perfectly on my acrylic wet bar.
Here we go again.
Oh, that looks
like fun!
Ha ha ha! Now, where is
my tiny friend?
Johnny: Knock knock.
Who's there?
Getcher who?
Get your butt off of me,
you big ape.
Oh, that's a good one.
Ha ha ha!
Now, you've done it.
My mama's not gonna
like that crater.
Hey, that gives me
an idea.
So tell me, johnny,
How did you ever get
the money
To buy my muumuus,
porcelain figurines,
and the cow back?
Aw, nothing to it, mama.
I just charged
all the neighbor kids
To use
our new swimming pool.
[kids yelling]
[kids shouting]
You're good.
You're very good.
But i'm better.
Gin. Pay the man.
Johnny: Ow.
Johnny: Stealthily,
the great blond hunter
stalks his prey.
The dangerous man-eating
tree squirrel!
Unaware of his peril,
The vicious beast
chomps on a nut
With his massive incisors.
Slowly, cautiously,
the hunter prepares to pounce.
Come back here!
[squirrel chatters]
I got ya!
You win this round,
my fluffy nemesis.
Uh! Uh!
Winded, but undaunted
by his setback,
The hunter decides
To check out babes.
Hey, baby,
lose the pooch.
Huh! I'm all
the puppy love
you need.
Foo-foo, attack!
[arf arf]
Can i crash here
till the heat's off?
Keep away,
i know karate.
Now, where did
that chick get to?
don't bother
the man.
That's all right.
They seem to have taken
quite a shine to each other.
Your puppy is so cute!
And by the laws
of association,
I'm now finding you
irresistible as well.
Are you free
for lunch?
I'd be delighted.
Slowly, the mighty hunter
puts two and two together:
Chicks dig doggies.
I want to buy a dog.
Certainly, sir.
Any particular breed?
What do you got?
There's a dog
for every type
of person:
The noble collie,
for the man of action.
Too hairy.
The sleek greyhound
for the sporty type.
Too houndy.
The mysterious
and exotic sharpei--
Adorable companion
Or horrible
genetic mutant?
You decide.
Hey, what's this one?
Oh, he's one of our
unfortunate cases.
I'm afraid he's got
a bit of a behavior
Now, down here--
Huh! Hey,
i think he likes me.
No. Actually,
he's trying to
pick parasites
Off of
your skin.
HmmThat might be useful.
I'll take him.
Sir, are you
a complete idiot?
Who's a cute
little doggie?
Who's a cute
little dog? Ha!
I'll write up
a receipt.
Huh! Ha!
Hey, baby.
Hey, wait a minute.
I'm a dog lover,
Oh, where is the little
poochie woochie?
Here, rex.
No, rex.
Down, boy!
So, uhWant
to get lunch?
Get that horrible creature
away from me!
Mad emu!
It was horrible, mama.
Everyone was yelling
and screaming.
It was like
they'd never seen
a dog before.
Oh! Get him
away from me,
He's frightening me
With those
terrible black eyes
Like a doll's eyes.
Don't mind
rex, mama.
He's just
That's another thing,
Do you know what
60 pounds of avocados
cost per day?
But, mama, rex loves
his fruit smoothies.
Oh, johnny. I'm afraid rex
is gonna have to go.
No, rex! No!
[glass breaks]
Dog for sale.
Only slightly used.
[australian accent]
g'day, mate.
Want to buy a dog?
Well, that's
not a dog.
That's an emu:
A flightless bird
What hails from
our native country
of australia.
Yeah, whatever.
You want him?
Well, now,
a bit of emu might make
us feel right at home.
Open the door, kids.
He likes avocados
And punting
little rat dogs.
Yeah, well,
who doesn't?
You look hungry,
Naw, pops, i'm sad.
Eh, close enough.
You want to try
today's special?
Emu burger jardiniere--
You mean,
people eat emu?
You betcha.
Especially australians.
They can't get enough
of the stuff.
So, you want
a soda with that?
[animal howls]
Australian man:
He's a lovely emu, he is.
Pass the cranberry sauce.
Oh, no!
I'm too late!
Stand aside,
you dirty, no-good,
emu-eating aussies!
Hello, mate.
Care to join us?
In your horrible feast
of evil?
Come on, rex.
I'm busting you
out of here.
Stick around, mate.
There's plenty
enough for everyone.
You fiend!
Oh, well.
More vegemite, kids?
Oh, he looks so pale.
It must've been
a terrible experience.
Have another
bedroom slipper.
Aw, rex likes you, mama.
He does?!
Oh, how sweet!
Well, i suppose
we could keep him
For a little while.
[knock on door]
I'll get it.
Gasp! It's dr. Bruce savage
from the national zoo.
I see him on tv
all the time.
You know rex,
dr. Savage?
I'll say. In fact,
when his mother left
For a host gig
on the animal channel,
I personally kept
rex's egg warm
With my own
body heat.
Are you gonna
take rex away?
I'm afraid so,
You see,
emus require very
specialized attention.
And besides,
rex has told me
That you're a danger
to yourself
and others.
Well, i guess this
is good-bye, rex.
I hate to see
you sad, johnny.
Come on out to my van,
And i'll let you have
any other animal
you want.
I'm the luckiest boy
in the world!
Huh ha!
Hey, baby.
How's about
you and me--
I guess she doesn't
like animals.
Fetch, tigger.
Fetch, boy.
Good dog.
Man: Welcome
to the chess match
of the century:
Johnny bravo versus
the super computer.
What's this horsy
thing again?
It's a knight.
Can i move here?
King me.
There is no "king me"
in chess.
Hey, look at me.
I'm a martian.
[whirring and clicking]
Anyone up
for parcheesi?
Pops: No! No! The mosquito
netting goes in with
the prefab quonset hut.
Hey, pops,
Whip me up
a batch of your
famous squid cakes
And don't skimp
on the beaks.
Sorry, johnny, we're
closing early today.
I'm packing for my
annual recipe hunt
to the south seas.
I'm gonna be
first mate. Ahoy.
If you go on that
recipe hunt every year,
How come all you serve
is burgers and chili?
Because the food
in the south seas
is disgusting.
You know, johnny,
i could use an extra hand
To do the back-breaking
menial labor.
No way.
Too bad.
The gorgeous
native chicks will
be disappointed.
a-wala laka maka luki huki
Huh! That's johnny for,
"when do we leave?"
Johnny: Are we there yet?
Pops: No.
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
Shut up!
You all right,
Oh, i'm fine.
I was just imitating
the plaintive mating call
Of the great tufted narwhal.
But i guess they
don't have them here.
Don't mess around
with the wildlife
in these parts, son,
They say the creatures
around skull island
Are dangerous
and prehistoric.
Luckily, we're headed
for harmless and peaceful
bikini island.
And here we are now.
No! Johnny,
that's skull island!
Quick, veer
30 degrees
to starboard.
Turn left!
My left?
Uh! Uh! Uh! Ooh!
HmmThis place
isn't so bad.
I guess all that talk
about danger
Was just a lot of hooey.
[chanting native language]
It's an interpretive
dance troupe.
No, johnny!
It's a tribe
of hostile natives.
Aw, who are you
trying to scare
with them cheesy masks?
This won't end well.
Too bad.
I'm gonna miss him.
So, want to go look
for sea shells?
Pops, johnny's
in trouble.
We have to save him.
Oh, right. Uh, save him.
Ha! Uh, that's what i meant.
So, like, it was nice being
sacrificed by you and all,
But i gotta go now.
[wolf whistles]
Well, i guess i could
stay a little longer.
Great seats,
eh, carl?
Poor johnny.
What'll we do?
Hey, i suggested
looking for sea shells.
I can't come up
with all the ideas.
Where's everybody going?
Someone untie me!
Why, i smell bananas.
It's a good thing i know you
giant apes are all vegetarians.
That's my best friend
you're playing with,
you big ape!
You put him down right--
This might be
a good time
to mention
That i'm high
in hdl cholesterol.
That's the bad kind.
Drat, now we're really
getting off schedule.
I like your place.
The dirt really
Sets off the mildew.
Ha! Look, this ain't
gonna work out.
I-i'm a libra,
and you'reUhAn ape.
People would talk.
This won't end well.
Johnny, if you and your friend
are through fooling around,
I've got to sample
some gazpacho in
pago pago in two hours.
Did i sound pushy
just then?
Bye, pops.
Say hi to carl
when you see him.
Come on, pops.
Now's our chance
to escape.
Hang on, johnny.
This ape obviously has
a little crush on you.
Yeah, whatever.
Let's go.
That gives me
an idea.
tell me later.
By using you as bait,
we can lure the ape
back to town.
The publicity
for the diner
will be huge!
Sounds dangerous.
Only for you.
I stand to make
Tell you what,
I'll split it
with you 95-5.
You could make
I'm in!
Hold on tight, kids.
Here we go!
Here, pops.
I've already
plotted our course.
Carl, i--i saw
the ape swallow
you whole.
How did you escape?
I'd really rather
not discuss it.
Pops: Step right up.
See the eighth wonder
of the world,
A creature so terrifying
You'll be extremely terrified.
Man: Look, it's
the ape's boyfriend.
Shut up. We're
just good friends.
Yeah, right.
Snuggle up, romeo.
Let's get a shot
of you two together.
UhWe better
be careful, pops.
We may be agitating
the ape too much.
I'm sorry, carl,
i can't see you.
I have huge dollar
signs in my eyes.
Now let's get
a shot of you with
some sexy supermodel.
Oh, yeah,
i can do that.
I told you so.
I told you so.
Down, girl, down.
They mean nothing to me.
It's you. It's always
been you, baby.
Look, i'll make
it up to you.
We'll go away
this weekend.
My baby!
Don't you worry,
I'll save you
from that giant ape hussy!
Right after
i finish my reps.
flowers, candy,
the whole 9 yards.
Whoa. You know,
you're beautiful
when you're angry.
Mama: Get away from him,
you darn dirty ape!
be careful!
Lock and load, baby.
No, mama!
Not your vacation
slides from tampa!
this is me by the pool
at the fountainbleu.
This is me
and aunt shirley
on the donkey ride.
This is me eating
a $1.99 prime rib
at the casino.
It was good,
but just a little
Was beauty
vanquished the beast
Got that right.
Could i get a paramedic?
Look out.
Huh! Ha!
Whoa, mama!
A babe!
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group and
u.S. Department of education
Captioned by the national
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