Johnny Bravo (1997) s02e10 Episode Script
Man with the Golden Gut/Welcome Back, Bravo/Aunt Katie's Farm
1
1, 2, 3, hyah!
Baby.
Sassy.
Man, i'm pretty.
Huh! Ha! Huh!
Do the monkey with me.
Come on!
Hey there, baby.
Ooh!
Yeah, whatever.
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
And so we see that we're alone
in the universe,
A superior species
at the peak of its powers!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
I'm stirring in
the sea monkeys'
food, mrs. Bravo.
Oh, the little dears.
There's so much
we can learn from them.
Like what?
UhHave
a cookie, darling.
Hey, look, everyone.
I got a mango.
That's a telegram,
sweetie.
Right.
What did i say?
Just read it,
dear.
"to unseal envelope,
peel back flap and--"
Give me that,
johnny.
We're not getting
any younger, you know.
It's from the state.
They say that due to
a recordkeeping error,
You never
successfully completed
the fourth grade.
Ugh! This is the worst water
i ever tasted.
My sea monkeys!
They say that
to get your diploma,
You have to report
back to school
To pass
social skills.
Social skills?
What are they?
Social skills are
interpersonal techniques
Such as active
listening
[slurp]
And respectful
interaction with others.
Quit blabbing
and make me
a sandwich.
Just think, johnny,
If you go back
to the fourth grade,
we'll be in the same class.
No way!
I'm out of here.
If you want me,
i'll be in bolivia.
Now you see here,
young man.
No son of mine
is going to be
A fourth-grade
dropout.
You're going
back to school!
Aw, mama,
i don't want to
go back to school
With a bunch of
immature little brats.
I don't want to!
I don't want to!
Here's your
lunch box, dear.
I put in some
extra prune loaf
to snack on.
And don't forget
to give the nurse
This note about
your adenoids.
Be a good boy.
Don't talk
to strangers.
Oh, they grow up
so fast.
You'll see,
johnny.
We're going to be
best friends.
How about we stay acquaintances
and you leave me alone?
Teacher:
Good morning, class.
Whoa!
Learning is
its own reward.
You'll be
happy to know
I'm familiar
with the three rs--
Reading, writing,
and rrrr.
Check out
this student body.
You must be johnny,
the new boy in class.
So, you want to
go out with me?
I'm sorry. I don't
date my students.
Oh, i get it.
Ot-nay in front
of the ids-kay.
Gotcha.
Suzie, since your
grade point average
in social skills
Is the highest
in recorded time,
You'll be in charge
of monitoring johnny's progress.
I object!
Withdrawn.
[ringing]
Can i have
cutsies?
No.
Please?
No!
What kind of friend
are you?
Don't think of me
as a friend, johnny.
Think of me as someone
who's going to judge
Your every move
for the next 3 weeks.
Look. Leonardo
dicaprio.
Where?
Shove over, kid.
Hey, hair net, give me
One of them headcheese
quesadillas,
Some ham tots, a bowl
of lips and gravy.
Aw, give me that.
You're too slow.
And now for
the most important
food group of all--
Ice cream.
Come on, sweet pie.
Hey, wide load, give
someone else a chance.
Oh, you want some?
Yeah, yeah. Sometime
today, jumbo.
Allow me.
[sputtering]
You'll pay for that.
Food fight!
[shouting]
Cafeteria
conduct, "f."
[ringing]
Mugsy, why don't
you be our first
for show-and-tell?
Certainly.
This is my diorama
Of the st. Valentine's day
massacre.
Boring.
You had me,
and you lost me.
And now,
through the magic
of sock puppets,
I give you
Johnny bravo's
puppet time theater.
Huh! Hyah!
Hi. I'm johnny.
I'm the coolest guy
ever by far.
Let's meet some
of my doofy friends.
Hi. I'm suzie.
I think i'm so great
because i'm all smart,
And i don't want
anyone to know
That i'm in love with
smelly raymond in the third row.
Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!
Johnny!
Hello. I'm mugsy.
I pretend i'm so tough,
But secretly
i like show tunes.
Don't look at me.
And we're all the other kids
in johnny's class.
We're all short
and doofusy.
We're all going to get
beat up in high school
And live boring,
unrewarding lives.
[sobbing]
I'm miss winkleman.
I think
johnny's so cool.
I want to marry him
And make him
my buff little cabana boy.
Thank you.
That'll do.
Sit down,
johnny.
Respect for others
"f."
This field trip is
your last chance, johnny.
If you don't score
an a-plus-plus-plus
in team supportiveness,
You'll have to start
the fourth grade
all over again.
Team supportiveness?
What's the team
ever done for me?
When does johnny
get his share?!
Class, welcome to the museum
of extremely dangerous things.
Feel free to touch
and explore.
Let me feed the cobra.
Let me feed the cobra.
Don't shove,
children.
The cobra's
not going anywhere.
Ooh
Ooh
Ooh
Ahh
Ahh
Ahh
These mannequins show
what happens to children
Who sit too close
to wide-screen tv.
Now, follow me
to the hall of
nasty paper cuts.
Stay with
your buddy.
Look, johnny, an old 1944
little stinker harbor mine.
I wonder
if it still works.
Who are you kidding?
This stuff's all fake.
Look, i'll show you.
Computer:
Firing mechanism activated.
Detonation
in 20 seconds,
19, 18
Johnny,
what'll we do?
The only thing
there is to do.
Get out of my way!
Johnny first, then all
the women and children.
Mock my love
of show tunes, huh?
Sic him, spike.
No!
Maybe it's a dud.
Look, everyone.
Johnny smothered
the bomb
With his
tremendous bulk.
The big jerk's
a hero.
[children cheering]
And so, for saving
your fellow classmates,
Sort of,
I award you,
johnny bravo,
With your
fourth-grade diploma.
[applause]
Thank you very much.
Thank you. Thank you.
So, i'm not
a student anymore.
How'd you like to get
hooked on johnny?
I also don't date
brainless, musclebound oafs!
My son, the graduate.
[crying]
Hey, count flabula.
Do you want to work your way
to total body fitness?
Do you want
abs so awesome,
They'll frighten
small children?
Uh-huh.
If you are like me,
you've tried
Every exercise product
on the market
And you are
still not satisfied
It's like he
really knows me!
Until now.
Introducing
the abdominizer 9000.
It'll give you abs harder
than the densest neutron star
More powerful
than cannon fire
So sharp
they can cut diamonds.
You can even fry an egg.
Don't be a smelly,
pathetic loser.
Call now so you can have
plutonium abs.
Abs will revert to fat
later in life.
MustHaveAbdominizer.
"step one,
dump parts on floor."
[hammering and drilling]
Johnny: "step 613
Insert treadle sprocket
into ratchet face z."
Finished!
Guess these are extras.
Let the pumping begin.
Whoa!
Huh! Hyah! Huh!
Whoa!
Huh! Hyah! Huh!
Whoa!
Getting huge.
I'm feeling the burn!
Now to show off my new physique
to the conchitas.
Huh! Hyah!
Off with the wrapper.
Here's the candy.
Hyah!
[laughter]
No way. That's
totally bizarre.
What? Am i that good?
Clam on a stick.
Get your clam
on a stick.
Great leaping
nanny goats!
Nothing
to see here.
Come on,
show's over.
Pops, what's
the big idea?
Johnny, don't you
know what you got
on your belly?
Is there still some eggs
from this morning?
No, son, look!
There's
an exact replica
of mount rushmore
Embossed on your
stomach muscles.
Aah! Get them off me!
Make it stop, pops!
Don't be
a fool, boy.
I could make
a fortune
off this.
A fortune, huh?
What's in it for me?
Why, uh
You can watch me
make a fortune
off this.
I'm in!
Pops: Step right up.
See the boy with the presidents
on his belly.
Gaze upon the magnificent
freak of nature.
Johnny: I cannot tell a lie.
This gut is cut.
Um, ha ha ha!
Bubby--i mean, booby.
Ha ha!
Lock of hair, $5.00.
Johnny's
baby blankets, $25.
Treasure the memory
of my freakish son forever!
[applause and cheering]
I hold these abs
to be self-evident.
In just
under a week,
We've made
170 pounds of money!
Oh, pops, i can't
thank you enough.
Because of you,
johnny finally has
focus in his life.
Make way for
the emperor of abs.
Hey, here's
our star now.
Rico, sonny, make me
a peanut butter sandwich.
Huh! No crusts.
Go easy
on the snacks
there, johnny.
Hey, lay off, pops!
I'm eating for 5 now.
Ok. We'll just have
to train that much
harder tomorrow.
That's another thing, pops.
I'm done training.
It makes me
all sweaty-like.
That's crazy talk, son!
You didn't get to be
top freak by sitting
on your rump!
Pops, let me tell you
a little story.
It's about
a shy young lad
Who came
to the big city
With a handful of acorns
and a crazy dream,
And that boy's name
wasAbe lincoln.
What's your point,
johnny?
I don't know.
What's on tv tonight?
And where's
my potato chip ice cream?!
Pops: And now the moment
you've been waiting for.
Ladies and gentlemen,
rushmo the magnificent!
[muttering]
Good gravy!
Hey, where's
everybody going?
I haven't even done
my bill of rights dance.
sign it, sign it,
you know you want
to sign it, yeah
Forget it, johnny.
They're not coming back.
No presidents,
no crowds.
What? You mean
No more fake friends?
No more
screaming girls?
Not unless you get
back into shape.
I'll do it,
pops!
I'm going to
make a comeback!
First, let's
get some lunch.
Ow!
[groaning]
[panting]
Whoa!
Oh! Uh! Oh! Uh! Oh! Uh!
Whoa!
Whoa! Whoa!
Congratulations,
johnny.
You're back to
your original weight.
Great. Let's eat.
No. We got to get you
back on stage.
You're right, pops.
People were
paying good money
To stare
at my deformed bulk,
And i threw it
all away.
I'm not going to make
that mistake again.
Good lad!
[cash register dings]
The tension is thick here
on the lawn of the bravo house,
Where we are awaiting the return
of rushmo the magnificent
And his eerily accentuated
abdominal muscles.
There's his manager now.
Let's listen in.
Do you love america?!
[cheering]
Do you love
those wacky presidents?
[cheering]
Then join me
in welcoming back
Rushmo the magnificent!
[fanfare plays]
Huh! Hyah!
[crowd quiets]
[gasps]
Huh!
Man: That's not
mount rushmore.
No. UhIt's better.
It's, uh
Melvin dimitri,
The 16th man to swim
the english channel,
Dressed entirely
in chiffon.
[crowd muttering]
Hyah!
No! No! No!
[sobbing]
Hyah!
Hey, look.
He's dancing.
[singing]
And these are
the prehistoric tar pits
Where dinosaurs became trapped
while looking for food
And sank
to an oozy death.
I suppose when your brain's
the size of a cashew,
You're too stupid
to avoid walking
Into a lake of sticky,
disgusting tar.
This way, please.
[squish]
[gasping]
[gurgling]
Johnny's voice:
Here i am, cliff rogers,
The world-famousest
lifeguard in the world.
All the chicks love me.
Johnny, with high voice:
Hi. I'm a new lifeguard.
You can't be a lifeguard.
You're just a chick.
Oh, yeah? Wait till
you see my moves.
Look out, you fool.
It's the deadly
loch ness duckie.
Aah! Help! Help!
I knew she'd fail.
Eat chlorine,
you hideous pool beast!
Aah!
Hi, johnny. I didn't
know you liked to play
with dollies, too.
These aren't dollies.
They're action figures.
Now go away!
But, johnny,
today's the day
You promised
to take me
to a taping
Of my favorite
tv show--
aunt katie's farm.
I never promised that.
Yes, you did.
I have a signed
letter of intent
Notorized
by 3 witnesses
And a tape cassette
of you promising
to take me.
Suzie's voice:
Promise me, johnny.
Johnny's voice:
All right, all right.
Just give me that pizza.
Even so, i'm not
going to take you
nohow, no way.
Johnny's playing
with dollies!
[cars stopping
and people laughing]
Well, let's get going.
Don't want to be late
for the taping.
Johnny, take
that stupid thing
off your head.
I don't want anyone
to recognize me.
Hi, johnny.
You here for the taping, too?
I camped overnight.
I love aunt katie.
She's my favorite ever
cultural children's host.
Want to know how much
i love her on a scale
of one to gazillion?
[muffled]
i wish i were
a little seed
So she could plant me
in the ground
and nurture me.
The doors
are opening!
The doors
are opening!
Hey, wait for me, guys!
Where am i
going to sit?
Hey!
Down in front!
Ranch hand jim
and piggy pig
Are warming up
the audience.
You using this?
Oink oink.
[gasp]
All right, let's get
this stinkfest
over with.
Ranch hand jim and piggy pig
look seriously injured!
Man over intercom:
Ladies and gentlemen,
Due to circumstances
beyond our control,
This episode of
aunt katie's farm
has been canceled
Aw
Aw
Aw
Unless someone out there
can fit into
The ranch hand jim
and piggy pig costumes.
Oh, johnny!
We could fit
into the costumes!
I could be
ranch hand jim,
And you could be
piggy pig!
How about if i be
mr. Slap you silly
And you be
mr. Shut up for a change?
Woman, southern accent:
Oh, please, sir.
I'd be forever
endebted to you.
It's aunt katie
herself.
Suey! Suey!
[applause]
Aunt katie: hey, farmeroos,
pull up some hay
we're going to
aunt katie's farm today
songs and games
to make you think
please won't you watch?
Our ratings stink
there's ranch hand jim,
he's not all there
and piggy pig,
aw, you don't care
[pffft]
so gather round,
we'll all make nice
and then you'll buy
our merchandise
Hey, farmeroos!
Hi, aunt katie!
Hi, aunt katie!
Today's episode
is brought to you
By the great taste
of fat.
Fat, the other
other white meat.
[toot]
Oh, i hear
golly trolley.
Wonder
who it could be?
Hi, kids!
[cheering]
It's ranch hand jim
and piggy pig.
How are you today,
ranch hand jim?
I am plumb fine,
i reckon, aunt katie.
And how
are you today,
mr. Piggy pig?
Farmilicious,
aunt katie.
Check out
this bacon.
[laughter]
Maybe piggy pig
ought to stick
to the cue cards.
How about we go back
to the smokehouse
And you cure
what ails me?
Someone's being
a naughty piggy pig.
You know what we do
with naughty piggies,
Don't you, children?
Pecking party!
Pecking party!
What the heck's
a pecking party?
[clucking]
Ow! Ooh! Help! Ooh!
Watch the hair!
Well, farmeroos, here we are
at the learning corral.
Today's lesson
is all about sharing.
Let's seeWho can help us
learn about sharing?
I expect i can,
aunt katie,
With a little help
from piggy pig
And eustice,
the angry donkey.
Come on, donkey.
Good donkey.
Johnny's got
a nice piece
of beef for you.
[braying]
Just what is
sharing anyway,
ranch hand jim?
Sharing is when
you let someone else
Have some of your stuff
just because it's nice.
Piggy pig's
going to show us
How he shares these
yummy corn husks
With eustice,
the angry donkey.
Corn husks.
Sweet.
Piggy pig, aren't
you going to give
some to eustice?
Johnny: Go away!
Johnny, i really
think you'd better
give him some.
Hey, eyore,
is this what you want?
Denied!
No, seriously.
You want some?
Denied!
No, really.
This won't end well.
Whoa!
Ooh! Oh! Uhh!
And, uh
That's what happens
When you
don't share.
Are you all right,
mr. Piggy pig?
[muttering]
The best way
to cheer up
a piggy pig
Is to give him
a big old
mud bath!
Yay!
Yay!
Yay!
No, please, don't.
[sputtering]
[laughter]
That does it!
Piggy pig's mad as heck,
And he's not going to
take it anymore!
Ooh!
Whoa!
Say good night,
john boy.
Whoa-ho!
[crash]
[toot toot]
Aah!
[crash]
Aah!
[crash]
Heh heh heh heh!
Get off this set
before i call
security.
You shall be my wife.
Wait for me
by my secret
grain silo.
I will
join you anon.
[smack]
Aah!
Ha ha ha ha!
Fly, my pretties! Fly!
That will teach them
to mess with piggy pig,
won't it, kids?!
[kids screaming]
4 feet good.
2 feet bad.
4 feet good.
2 feet bad.
4 feet good!
2 feet bad!
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha
Ooh
That'll do, pig.
That'll do.
Sorry.
Look out.
Huh! Hyah!
Ooh!
Oh, mama!
A babe!
Mercy.
Whatever.
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
Captioned by the national
1, 2, 3, hyah!
Baby.
Sassy.
Man, i'm pretty.
Huh! Ha! Huh!
Do the monkey with me.
Come on!
Hey there, baby.
Ooh!
Yeah, whatever.
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
And so we see that we're alone
in the universe,
A superior species
at the peak of its powers!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
I'm stirring in
the sea monkeys'
food, mrs. Bravo.
Oh, the little dears.
There's so much
we can learn from them.
Like what?
UhHave
a cookie, darling.
Hey, look, everyone.
I got a mango.
That's a telegram,
sweetie.
Right.
What did i say?
Just read it,
dear.
"to unseal envelope,
peel back flap and--"
Give me that,
johnny.
We're not getting
any younger, you know.
It's from the state.
They say that due to
a recordkeeping error,
You never
successfully completed
the fourth grade.
Ugh! This is the worst water
i ever tasted.
My sea monkeys!
They say that
to get your diploma,
You have to report
back to school
To pass
social skills.
Social skills?
What are they?
Social skills are
interpersonal techniques
Such as active
listening
[slurp]
And respectful
interaction with others.
Quit blabbing
and make me
a sandwich.
Just think, johnny,
If you go back
to the fourth grade,
we'll be in the same class.
No way!
I'm out of here.
If you want me,
i'll be in bolivia.
Now you see here,
young man.
No son of mine
is going to be
A fourth-grade
dropout.
You're going
back to school!
Aw, mama,
i don't want to
go back to school
With a bunch of
immature little brats.
I don't want to!
I don't want to!
Here's your
lunch box, dear.
I put in some
extra prune loaf
to snack on.
And don't forget
to give the nurse
This note about
your adenoids.
Be a good boy.
Don't talk
to strangers.
Oh, they grow up
so fast.
You'll see,
johnny.
We're going to be
best friends.
How about we stay acquaintances
and you leave me alone?
Teacher:
Good morning, class.
Whoa!
Learning is
its own reward.
You'll be
happy to know
I'm familiar
with the three rs--
Reading, writing,
and rrrr.
Check out
this student body.
You must be johnny,
the new boy in class.
So, you want to
go out with me?
I'm sorry. I don't
date my students.
Oh, i get it.
Ot-nay in front
of the ids-kay.
Gotcha.
Suzie, since your
grade point average
in social skills
Is the highest
in recorded time,
You'll be in charge
of monitoring johnny's progress.
I object!
Withdrawn.
[ringing]
Can i have
cutsies?
No.
Please?
No!
What kind of friend
are you?
Don't think of me
as a friend, johnny.
Think of me as someone
who's going to judge
Your every move
for the next 3 weeks.
Look. Leonardo
dicaprio.
Where?
Shove over, kid.
Hey, hair net, give me
One of them headcheese
quesadillas,
Some ham tots, a bowl
of lips and gravy.
Aw, give me that.
You're too slow.
And now for
the most important
food group of all--
Ice cream.
Come on, sweet pie.
Hey, wide load, give
someone else a chance.
Oh, you want some?
Yeah, yeah. Sometime
today, jumbo.
Allow me.
[sputtering]
You'll pay for that.
Food fight!
[shouting]
Cafeteria
conduct, "f."
[ringing]
Mugsy, why don't
you be our first
for show-and-tell?
Certainly.
This is my diorama
Of the st. Valentine's day
massacre.
Boring.
You had me,
and you lost me.
And now,
through the magic
of sock puppets,
I give you
Johnny bravo's
puppet time theater.
Huh! Hyah!
Hi. I'm johnny.
I'm the coolest guy
ever by far.
Let's meet some
of my doofy friends.
Hi. I'm suzie.
I think i'm so great
because i'm all smart,
And i don't want
anyone to know
That i'm in love with
smelly raymond in the third row.
Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!
Johnny!
Hello. I'm mugsy.
I pretend i'm so tough,
But secretly
i like show tunes.
Don't look at me.
And we're all the other kids
in johnny's class.
We're all short
and doofusy.
We're all going to get
beat up in high school
And live boring,
unrewarding lives.
[sobbing]
I'm miss winkleman.
I think
johnny's so cool.
I want to marry him
And make him
my buff little cabana boy.
Thank you.
That'll do.
Sit down,
johnny.
Respect for others
"f."
This field trip is
your last chance, johnny.
If you don't score
an a-plus-plus-plus
in team supportiveness,
You'll have to start
the fourth grade
all over again.
Team supportiveness?
What's the team
ever done for me?
When does johnny
get his share?!
Class, welcome to the museum
of extremely dangerous things.
Feel free to touch
and explore.
Let me feed the cobra.
Let me feed the cobra.
Don't shove,
children.
The cobra's
not going anywhere.
Ooh
Ooh
Ooh
Ahh
Ahh
Ahh
These mannequins show
what happens to children
Who sit too close
to wide-screen tv.
Now, follow me
to the hall of
nasty paper cuts.
Stay with
your buddy.
Look, johnny, an old 1944
little stinker harbor mine.
I wonder
if it still works.
Who are you kidding?
This stuff's all fake.
Look, i'll show you.
Computer:
Firing mechanism activated.
Detonation
in 20 seconds,
19, 18
Johnny,
what'll we do?
The only thing
there is to do.
Get out of my way!
Johnny first, then all
the women and children.
Mock my love
of show tunes, huh?
Sic him, spike.
No!
Maybe it's a dud.
Look, everyone.
Johnny smothered
the bomb
With his
tremendous bulk.
The big jerk's
a hero.
[children cheering]
And so, for saving
your fellow classmates,
Sort of,
I award you,
johnny bravo,
With your
fourth-grade diploma.
[applause]
Thank you very much.
Thank you. Thank you.
So, i'm not
a student anymore.
How'd you like to get
hooked on johnny?
I also don't date
brainless, musclebound oafs!
My son, the graduate.
[crying]
Hey, count flabula.
Do you want to work your way
to total body fitness?
Do you want
abs so awesome,
They'll frighten
small children?
Uh-huh.
If you are like me,
you've tried
Every exercise product
on the market
And you are
still not satisfied
It's like he
really knows me!
Until now.
Introducing
the abdominizer 9000.
It'll give you abs harder
than the densest neutron star
More powerful
than cannon fire
So sharp
they can cut diamonds.
You can even fry an egg.
Don't be a smelly,
pathetic loser.
Call now so you can have
plutonium abs.
Abs will revert to fat
later in life.
MustHaveAbdominizer.
"step one,
dump parts on floor."
[hammering and drilling]
Johnny: "step 613
Insert treadle sprocket
into ratchet face z."
Finished!
Guess these are extras.
Let the pumping begin.
Whoa!
Huh! Hyah! Huh!
Whoa!
Huh! Hyah! Huh!
Whoa!
Getting huge.
I'm feeling the burn!
Now to show off my new physique
to the conchitas.
Huh! Hyah!
Off with the wrapper.
Here's the candy.
Hyah!
[laughter]
No way. That's
totally bizarre.
What? Am i that good?
Clam on a stick.
Get your clam
on a stick.
Great leaping
nanny goats!
Nothing
to see here.
Come on,
show's over.
Pops, what's
the big idea?
Johnny, don't you
know what you got
on your belly?
Is there still some eggs
from this morning?
No, son, look!
There's
an exact replica
of mount rushmore
Embossed on your
stomach muscles.
Aah! Get them off me!
Make it stop, pops!
Don't be
a fool, boy.
I could make
a fortune
off this.
A fortune, huh?
What's in it for me?
Why, uh
You can watch me
make a fortune
off this.
I'm in!
Pops: Step right up.
See the boy with the presidents
on his belly.
Gaze upon the magnificent
freak of nature.
Johnny: I cannot tell a lie.
This gut is cut.
Um, ha ha ha!
Bubby--i mean, booby.
Ha ha!
Lock of hair, $5.00.
Johnny's
baby blankets, $25.
Treasure the memory
of my freakish son forever!
[applause and cheering]
I hold these abs
to be self-evident.
In just
under a week,
We've made
170 pounds of money!
Oh, pops, i can't
thank you enough.
Because of you,
johnny finally has
focus in his life.
Make way for
the emperor of abs.
Hey, here's
our star now.
Rico, sonny, make me
a peanut butter sandwich.
Huh! No crusts.
Go easy
on the snacks
there, johnny.
Hey, lay off, pops!
I'm eating for 5 now.
Ok. We'll just have
to train that much
harder tomorrow.
That's another thing, pops.
I'm done training.
It makes me
all sweaty-like.
That's crazy talk, son!
You didn't get to be
top freak by sitting
on your rump!
Pops, let me tell you
a little story.
It's about
a shy young lad
Who came
to the big city
With a handful of acorns
and a crazy dream,
And that boy's name
wasAbe lincoln.
What's your point,
johnny?
I don't know.
What's on tv tonight?
And where's
my potato chip ice cream?!
Pops: And now the moment
you've been waiting for.
Ladies and gentlemen,
rushmo the magnificent!
[muttering]
Good gravy!
Hey, where's
everybody going?
I haven't even done
my bill of rights dance.
sign it, sign it,
you know you want
to sign it, yeah
Forget it, johnny.
They're not coming back.
No presidents,
no crowds.
What? You mean
No more fake friends?
No more
screaming girls?
Not unless you get
back into shape.
I'll do it,
pops!
I'm going to
make a comeback!
First, let's
get some lunch.
Ow!
[groaning]
[panting]
Whoa!
Oh! Uh! Oh! Uh! Oh! Uh!
Whoa!
Whoa! Whoa!
Congratulations,
johnny.
You're back to
your original weight.
Great. Let's eat.
No. We got to get you
back on stage.
You're right, pops.
People were
paying good money
To stare
at my deformed bulk,
And i threw it
all away.
I'm not going to make
that mistake again.
Good lad!
[cash register dings]
The tension is thick here
on the lawn of the bravo house,
Where we are awaiting the return
of rushmo the magnificent
And his eerily accentuated
abdominal muscles.
There's his manager now.
Let's listen in.
Do you love america?!
[cheering]
Do you love
those wacky presidents?
[cheering]
Then join me
in welcoming back
Rushmo the magnificent!
[fanfare plays]
Huh! Hyah!
[crowd quiets]
[gasps]
Huh!
Man: That's not
mount rushmore.
No. UhIt's better.
It's, uh
Melvin dimitri,
The 16th man to swim
the english channel,
Dressed entirely
in chiffon.
[crowd muttering]
Hyah!
No! No! No!
[sobbing]
Hyah!
Hey, look.
He's dancing.
[singing]
And these are
the prehistoric tar pits
Where dinosaurs became trapped
while looking for food
And sank
to an oozy death.
I suppose when your brain's
the size of a cashew,
You're too stupid
to avoid walking
Into a lake of sticky,
disgusting tar.
This way, please.
[squish]
[gasping]
[gurgling]
Johnny's voice:
Here i am, cliff rogers,
The world-famousest
lifeguard in the world.
All the chicks love me.
Johnny, with high voice:
Hi. I'm a new lifeguard.
You can't be a lifeguard.
You're just a chick.
Oh, yeah? Wait till
you see my moves.
Look out, you fool.
It's the deadly
loch ness duckie.
Aah! Help! Help!
I knew she'd fail.
Eat chlorine,
you hideous pool beast!
Aah!
Hi, johnny. I didn't
know you liked to play
with dollies, too.
These aren't dollies.
They're action figures.
Now go away!
But, johnny,
today's the day
You promised
to take me
to a taping
Of my favorite
tv show--
aunt katie's farm.
I never promised that.
Yes, you did.
I have a signed
letter of intent
Notorized
by 3 witnesses
And a tape cassette
of you promising
to take me.
Suzie's voice:
Promise me, johnny.
Johnny's voice:
All right, all right.
Just give me that pizza.
Even so, i'm not
going to take you
nohow, no way.
Johnny's playing
with dollies!
[cars stopping
and people laughing]
Well, let's get going.
Don't want to be late
for the taping.
Johnny, take
that stupid thing
off your head.
I don't want anyone
to recognize me.
Hi, johnny.
You here for the taping, too?
I camped overnight.
I love aunt katie.
She's my favorite ever
cultural children's host.
Want to know how much
i love her on a scale
of one to gazillion?
[muffled]
i wish i were
a little seed
So she could plant me
in the ground
and nurture me.
The doors
are opening!
The doors
are opening!
Hey, wait for me, guys!
Where am i
going to sit?
Hey!
Down in front!
Ranch hand jim
and piggy pig
Are warming up
the audience.
You using this?
Oink oink.
[gasp]
All right, let's get
this stinkfest
over with.
Ranch hand jim and piggy pig
look seriously injured!
Man over intercom:
Ladies and gentlemen,
Due to circumstances
beyond our control,
This episode of
aunt katie's farm
has been canceled
Aw
Aw
Aw
Unless someone out there
can fit into
The ranch hand jim
and piggy pig costumes.
Oh, johnny!
We could fit
into the costumes!
I could be
ranch hand jim,
And you could be
piggy pig!
How about if i be
mr. Slap you silly
And you be
mr. Shut up for a change?
Woman, southern accent:
Oh, please, sir.
I'd be forever
endebted to you.
It's aunt katie
herself.
Suey! Suey!
[applause]
Aunt katie: hey, farmeroos,
pull up some hay
we're going to
aunt katie's farm today
songs and games
to make you think
please won't you watch?
Our ratings stink
there's ranch hand jim,
he's not all there
and piggy pig,
aw, you don't care
[pffft]
so gather round,
we'll all make nice
and then you'll buy
our merchandise
Hey, farmeroos!
Hi, aunt katie!
Hi, aunt katie!
Today's episode
is brought to you
By the great taste
of fat.
Fat, the other
other white meat.
[toot]
Oh, i hear
golly trolley.
Wonder
who it could be?
Hi, kids!
[cheering]
It's ranch hand jim
and piggy pig.
How are you today,
ranch hand jim?
I am plumb fine,
i reckon, aunt katie.
And how
are you today,
mr. Piggy pig?
Farmilicious,
aunt katie.
Check out
this bacon.
[laughter]
Maybe piggy pig
ought to stick
to the cue cards.
How about we go back
to the smokehouse
And you cure
what ails me?
Someone's being
a naughty piggy pig.
You know what we do
with naughty piggies,
Don't you, children?
Pecking party!
Pecking party!
What the heck's
a pecking party?
[clucking]
Ow! Ooh! Help! Ooh!
Watch the hair!
Well, farmeroos, here we are
at the learning corral.
Today's lesson
is all about sharing.
Let's seeWho can help us
learn about sharing?
I expect i can,
aunt katie,
With a little help
from piggy pig
And eustice,
the angry donkey.
Come on, donkey.
Good donkey.
Johnny's got
a nice piece
of beef for you.
[braying]
Just what is
sharing anyway,
ranch hand jim?
Sharing is when
you let someone else
Have some of your stuff
just because it's nice.
Piggy pig's
going to show us
How he shares these
yummy corn husks
With eustice,
the angry donkey.
Corn husks.
Sweet.
Piggy pig, aren't
you going to give
some to eustice?
Johnny: Go away!
Johnny, i really
think you'd better
give him some.
Hey, eyore,
is this what you want?
Denied!
No, seriously.
You want some?
Denied!
No, really.
This won't end well.
Whoa!
Ooh! Oh! Uhh!
And, uh
That's what happens
When you
don't share.
Are you all right,
mr. Piggy pig?
[muttering]
The best way
to cheer up
a piggy pig
Is to give him
a big old
mud bath!
Yay!
Yay!
Yay!
No, please, don't.
[sputtering]
[laughter]
That does it!
Piggy pig's mad as heck,
And he's not going to
take it anymore!
Ooh!
Whoa!
Say good night,
john boy.
Whoa-ho!
[crash]
[toot toot]
Aah!
[crash]
Aah!
[crash]
Heh heh heh heh!
Get off this set
before i call
security.
You shall be my wife.
Wait for me
by my secret
grain silo.
I will
join you anon.
[smack]
Aah!
Ha ha ha ha!
Fly, my pretties! Fly!
That will teach them
to mess with piggy pig,
won't it, kids?!
[kids screaming]
4 feet good.
2 feet bad.
4 feet good.
2 feet bad.
4 feet good!
2 feet bad!
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha
Ooh
That'll do, pig.
That'll do.
Sorry.
Look out.
Huh! Hyah!
Ooh!
Oh, mama!
A babe!
Mercy.
Whatever.
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
Captioned by the national