Johnny Bravo (1997) s02e11 Episode Script

Buffoon Lagoon/Johnny Goes to Camp/A League of His Own

1, 2, 3, hyah!
Man, i'm pretty.
Huh! Ha! Huh!
Do the monkey with me.
Come on!
Hey there, baby.
Yeah, whatever.
Sun, surf,
and johnny.
I am one with the ancient
primeval rhythm.
[ laughs ]
The mighty ocean,
Cosmic froth
from which we all emerge.
[ laughs ]
I can keep this up
all day.
Wait a minute,
My highly developed
chick sensors are tingling.
Readings indicate
the presence
Of a seagoing mamacita
at 11:00 o'clock.
rendezvous procedure.
Excuse me,
can i borrow this?
This indignity
will be avenged,
My perfidious friend.
Huh! Ha!
Ha! Ha!
Aloha, pretty mama.
Look out!
[ all shouting ]
Okay, this
won't end well.
[ foghorn blows ]
Both: Whoa!
Nice narwhal.
Good boy.
So, come here
what kind of idiot
are you?
I don't know.
What kinds
are there?
Don't you realize
you've stranded us
In the middle of nowhere --
Just the two of us,
for who knows how long!
Stop daydreaming
about me!
You know, when you
scream like that,
You get
a cute little vein
in your forehead.
Look, if we're going
to survive,
The first thing
we have to do
Is secure food,
shelter, and fresh water.
Wanna see me
do this?
Right, food.
I'm all over it.
Man, there's gotta be
a strip mall
here someplace.
Let's see.
What do chicks
like to eat?
Crackers, gumballs,
tiny rabbits?
Hey, pudding.
Now to access
the coast guard frequency.
Help me!
Puddin' emergency!
[ growls ]
Needs more
You saved my life.
That means
you dig me.
[ crash ]
Hey, look
what i found --
of the juiciest,
Most delicious looking
rocks you ever
laid eyes on.
Uh, thanks.
I'll pass.
I'll build a fire.
My radar dish!
Oh, were you using that?
[ screams ]
[ gurgling ]
Where's a 15-foot
tiger shark
When you need one?
A plane!
A plane!
I'm saved!
Come on.
Hey! Down here!
I can't stand it
I can't survive
without you!
I knew she'd come around.
I need you!
All right,
all right.
Just let me
dry off first.
[ gasps ]
So, how's dinner coming?
You're a menace!
I don't ever want
to see your face again!
I'm going to the other
side of the island,
To get as far from you
as possible!
Can i come?
I'm going
over there.
You are
staying here.
And then i'll follow you?
Hey, wait for me.
Don't find me.
Don't find me.
Don't find me.
Hey, you stink
[ panting ]
Umbrella drink?
These noxious fumes
should keep him away.
Mmm, noxious fumes.
Come back, my little
love muffin!
Forget it!
I'd rather swim for it than
spend another second with you!
So, you want me
to follow you?
I'll just
follow you, then.
There you are, johnny.
I've been looking
all over for you.
How many times
have i told you
To leave a note
when you get washed out to sea?
I'm sorry, mama.
Say, can i borrow
the sub?
I'm in the middle
of a date.
And you didn't
introduce me?
Well, i gotta
catch her first.
Look, that's her
on the scope now.
Oh, she's darling.
Increase speed
to 15 knots.
Aye, aye, mama.
Here we go, johnny.
Remember, one with the universe.
One with the -- whoa!
Me likey.
Hyah! Ha! Huh!
Hey, baby, i'm going
to karate camp.
Wanna see the moves
of a master?
Yep, that's one of 'em.
[johnny struggling]
Hey, wait for me!
Hey, fellow
martial artists,
Ready to worship
the gods of karate
And turn your hands
into lethal weapons?
Hyah ha!
Huh ha!
Not really, i'm looking forward
to learning the basics
Of digital lcd design.
Say what?
And i'm looking forward
to constructing
My own artificial intelligence,
or a.I..
What's your specialty,
new kid?
Making trouble,
raising heck, and
sticking it to the man.
That's m-t-r-h-a-s-i-t-t-m.
You're funny.
You're gonna be
our new best friend.
Something is
very wrong here.
This is the bus
to karate camp, isn't it?
Oh, you're suffering
under a misapprehension.
We're headed to camp gigabyte
for two weeks
Of intensive computer study.
14 hours of nerd jabber.
I gotta get
outta here.
[grunt, thud]
I've been wronged,
terribly wronged!
Hi, campers.
Welcome to camp giga --
Let me back on the bus!
Let me back on the bus!
Johnny, what a surprise.
I thought you were too
stupid to learn
It's a mistake.
I'm supposed to be at camp
chop socky, hitting stuff.
It's too late now,
That was the last bus
for a week.
Then i'm walking home.
You can't!
The woods are full
of deadly predators.
Then i'm calling my mama
to come get me.
We don't have phones.
We communicate entirely
by e-mail.
Looks like you're gonna be
with us the whole week!
[all laughing]
Here's your cabin,
Time for everyone
to choose up bunks.
Dibs on this one!
Now listen up,
i'm the king of this cabin,
So stay out of my face.
What's more, i don't want
any of you little babies
Bothering me tonight,
got it?
Yes, johnny.
[wolf howls]
[johnny whimpering]
I want my mama.
[air horn blows]
Wakey, wakey,
eggs and bakey.
[air horn blows]
Hi, johnny, you were late
signing up for activities,
So i signed you up
for graphic algorithmic design.
Hope that's okay.
You know, when you
open your mouth,
Some kind of loopy moon man
language comes out.
I can't believe
there's no one swimming.
Little cyber weenies must be
scared of shorting out.
This is the spooky,
scary tale
Of beastie man --
Half man, half beast.
That's not scary.
Shut up! I'm not finished.
He also had
a hook for a head.
How's that possible?
What do you mean?
How would respiration
and cerebral functions occur?
There's that
moon man talk again.
We find your premise
highly improbable.
Fine, you tell
a story then.
Oh, oh, oh!
I have one!
Little jimmy simpkins
Logged on
to his computer one night,
Only to encounter
A discontinued server icon.
And what he saw
when he looked up
Filled him with shock
and terror
For his hard drive had been
Completely erased.
[boys scream]
That was scary,
counselor carl.
What did you think, johnny?
I don't know what he said,
But it was the way
he told it.
What do we want?
Where do we get it?
Trading post!
Sound off!
1, 2, 3, 4,
1, 2.
This bites.
When's this gonna be over?
Hold it!
Look, campers.
It's the symphidious
Better say back.
They say its pollen can paralyze
a man instantaneously.
What are the odds?
I guess i'm in charge now.
Fall in,
you keypad jockeys.
We're heading back
to civilization.
It's been hours,
counselor johnny.
Are you sure
you know where you're going?
Of course i do.
Let's see, moss grows
on the west side of rocks,
And trees bloom only in
the moon's seventh house,
So, um,
Ah, who am i kidding?
We're lost! We're lost!
And it's all your fault.
I believe i have
the solution.
Harvey, your laptop,
Johnny, i'm going
to charge your body
With static electricity,
then throw you in the stream.
You should float
to magnetic north.
Yeah, but what if --
[electricity crackles]
We're saved!
And we owe it all
to johnny.
Uh, could someone
throw me a rope!
At least it's over.
In 14 hours,
i'll be back in my house
With no annoying little
dweebs to torment me.
Hey, everyone, let's cheer
johnny up on the long trip home
With a good old-fashioned
camp song.
1,000 silicone chips
on the wall
1,000 silicone chips
if one of those chips
should happen to short
999 silicone chips
on the wall
Johnny bravo, you trail a common
tree stump by over $12,000.
Here's your final question --
name the four food groups.
Fruit, dairy, uh,
Beef jerky,
and a garden hose!
ooh, wrong.
Common tree stump,
you're our winner.
Nuts! This game's fixed.
Swing, batter!
Who's bad? Who's bad?
All wood, all the time!
Oh, my sciatica.
Good, suzy.
That's putting the leather
to the pigskin.
Coach bravo, the mass
to torque differential
Is throwing off my stance!
I need a new bat.
You got it, baby.
Substitute bat boy!
Hey, gear jockey,
coach wants you.
Don't look at me.
I said, don't look at me.
Come on, johnny, let's
show a little hustle.
Chop, chop!
Aw, mama,
why do i gotta do this?
It's humiliating.
I told you,
my regular girl
Was bit by a deer tick.
Now how about a little
If we win today, we qualify
For the semi-bi-monthly
preliminary match-ups!
Aw, mama, it's only
the first game of the season.
That's why
we have to focus!
Here's your
stupid bat, kid.
This one's too big.
this one's smelly.
[glass breaks,
car alarm sounds]
How about the pink one?
What do you mean,
you can't play?
You'll play,
all right.
But i shattered
my tibia.
Rub some dirt in it.
We'll never beat
mama's maulers
with that attitude.
you rosin-headed lummox!
Pipe down,
you old --
Well, bang the drum
Say, baseball betty,
How'd you like
to join me for a little
seventh inning stretch?
Don't make me laugh.
You're nothing
but a lowly bat boy.
Not true!
I'm the brains behind the team.
Mama even trusted me
with her list
Of secret baseball signs.
Can i have them?
They're the key
to mama's game plan.
I would never, ever, ever
let you see them.
I'll go out
with you.
There you go. Check it out.
Show your friends.
i'm gonna have a girlfriend
i'm gonna have a girlfriend
Johnny! Stop fraternizing
with the enemy.
She's not the enemy,
She's my black clad base
smacking siren of swat.
That spells hussy
in my book, mister.
Play ball!
Look out, suzy.
Here comes the cheese!
I can feel it.
I gave her that bat.
That's a pretty one.
I gave her that.
Now to lay down
my secret steal sign.
The steal sign, eh?
Clever, my old enemy,
But not clever enough.
Umpire: You're out!
Well, maybe we'll get 'em
this time.
You're out!
Well, maybe we'll get 'em
this time!
You're out!
This won't end well.
Aw, 19-0.
I don't understand.
It's almost as if
someone had stolen
My list
of secret signs.
Don't be silly!
I didn't do it.
[awkward laughter]
I really messed up.
I gotta do something to pull
mama's fat out of the fire.
Who are you
talking to?
Look, mookie wilson.
You're out!
Fish sticks!
I'd give anything
for a first-class
Cleanup power hitter who can
swing for the fences!
Perhaps i can be
of some help?
Oh, you're a big
strapping girl, aren't you?
Well, let's just
say i'm big boned.
What have i got to lose?
Grab some pine tar, missy,
you're in.
Oh, yeah!
See ya!
Down town.
Don't forget to write.
Good eye, great extension,
And she runs the bases
like a perfect little angel.
Hmm, there's something familiar
about that little girl.
Let's go, maulers!
One more run,
and we win the game.
Oh, look!
A shiny nickel!
Come here, you!
Now i got ya!
Oh, please,
don't snitch me out.
It would destroy mama.
And then,
who'd feed me?
Oh, i'm not gonna
snitch you out
Because you're gonna
throw the game for me.
Aw, no, i could never,
ever, ever do that.
I'll go out
with you.
Strike one!
Strike two!
Aw, what
am i doing?
I can't throw the game.
Just look at mama's
and what's her name's
Hopeful smiling faces.
for crying out loud!
You'd better not
wimp out!
He's a fake!
This team is disqualified.
Oh, yeah?
Just as i suspected.
Your team is composed
of nine burly teamsters.
You're all outta here!
Mama, i'm sorry.
I lost the game,
wore your clothes,
And got you drummed out
of little girls' baseball.
That's all right,
What's important is that
you loved me enough
To make a mockery
of our national pastime.
Now, you're all invited out
for chili dogs on me!
[all cheering]
Except you.
You're a hussy.
Captioning provided
by turner studios
Previous EpisodeNext Episode