Johnny Bravo (1997) s02e12 Episode Script

Brave New Johnny/Witless/Carl Be Not Proud

Man, i'm pretty.
Do the monkey
with me. Come on.
Hey there, baby.
Yeah, whatever.
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
Woman: And these are
the sluicing tubes where
gristle and tallow
Are rendered down into
a gelatinous albumen.
The albumen which is
the basis of mr. Kevin's
triple strength hair gel.
But gristle
makes it shiny.
And the tallow
keeps hair stiff
for days.
Yes, sir.
We know.
This is my 397th
tour of the factory.
3 more
and i get a prize.
How nice for you.
Moving along,
we find--
Tell them about
the turbo injected
bottling process.
Sir, i'm
getting to that.
Now, if you'll
all follow me.
Please watch you step
as industrial crud
May have accumulated
along the walkway.
Johnny: She's
going to show us
how they stick
Pretty labels on
the bottles
And distribute them
to hair salons
[crowd gasps]
uh-oh. Too bad.
The hair gel
will harden
around his body,
Encasing him in
a living prison
for eons to come.
And we're walking,
we're walking,
we're walking.
When do we get
to mr. Kevin's
gift shop?
I want to go
to the gift shop.
Hi, johnny.
Ugh! Carl, what
are you doing on
the hair gel tour?
You're not on a tour.
You've been frozen
in hair gel for
over 500 years.
And i revived you.
Ah, quit goofing
around, carl.
You must be
talking about my
great grandfather.
Carl corncisowitz
the first.
I'm carl number 97324
Welcome to
the 25th century.
Let me get
this straight.
It's 500 years
in the future?
And you're here?
Let me out of here!
I want to go home.
Help! Help!
I understand, johnny.
Your primitive
brain is confused
and rattled.
But with me as
your guide, you'll
soon grow to love
The glorious world
of the future.
Johnny: Uh, carl,
nothing personal, but
this place is a dump.
After 6 world
wars and two
global plagues,
I think we've
done quite nicely,
thank you.
Ee-eww! There's
roaches all over
the place.
Yeah, and i'm
late for work.
Move it, lard butt!
Carl: Careful,
You were almost
hit by that
Fossil fuel powered
ground transport.
You mean that car?
This place stinks.
Where's all
the talking robots
And hovering stuff?
We're working on it.
Cut us some slack,
mr. Bossy.
Whatever. Got any
food in this place?
I'm hungry.
Ok, follow me
and i'll treat you
To the amazing
food of the future.
Hey! Welcome
to pops.
Pops? Is it
really you?
Sure it
is, johnny.
Froze my
head back
in aught-7
After a little
tussle with
the meat slicer.
But why doesn't
everyone preserve
Their heads and
live forever?
Well, johnny,
it's a sad,
freakish existence.
So, what can
i get you?
starved pops.
Two orders of
unflavored soy
mulch, please.
Uh, could you
get it yourself?
I'm a little
at the moment.
[laughs] it's
a little floating
head joke.
Eat up, johnny,
while it's
still damp.
Stinky food,
no rocket cars.
Give me one reason why
i should stick around?
That'll do.
Hey, future babe,
lower your deflectors.
I've set my
phasers on love.
Very well.
Really? Cool.
Luckily, i happen
to have brought
My hyper-lip
Kissing is
forbidden, johnny.
This is how we make
out in the future.
That was painful
and unsatisfying.
Can we do it again?
Well, this has been fun.
I got to go now.
No really. Stop it.
huh! I must go.
Big brother
summons us.
Well, i'll
call you. Ok?
Hurry, johnny.
It's time for
the 25th century's
favorite t.V. Show.
I don't get it.
I thought you said
we were going
to watch t.V.?
[crowd chanting
"big brother"]
Announcer: It's time for
the big brother comedy hour.
Announcer: With
tonight's guests
Gray-nack of
sirius 4.
And stupid
android tricks.
And now, a man who
never gets tired of
policing your mind
Big brother!
This bites.
What else is on?
Shh! Johnny,
Thank you,
thank you.
My, what a crowd.
So, a guy walks
into a bar and says
He hasn't had
a bite in 3 days.
So i had him
arrested and sent
to a re-education camp.
No, i kid.
Johnny: You stink!
[audience gasps]
Johnny: Who's got
the remote?
You know, buddy,
i'll say to you
What i say to
all my critics.
Seize him!
Quick, johnny.
Hold me tight.
Wow. That was
a close one.
The future
Just send me
home, already.
Carl: Don't be
silly, johnny.
You can hide
out here with me
For the rest
of your life.
I'll just set up
a cot over here
Next to
the time machine.
Time machine?
Uh-huh. And we
can stay up late
Every night
and play yahtzee
And be best friends
for ever and ever
And ever and
ever ever and
ever and ever.
The albumen, which
is the basis of
Mr. Kevin's triple
strength hair gel.
I made it.
I'm back in
my own time.
Sir! I've asked
you nicely to
please stop talking.
All right.
I'll be good.
I've learned
my lesson.
And watch the ooze
on those steps.
Nag, nag, nag!
Why don't you
just shut your--
Seize them!
Oh, yeah.
I'm going to make
a fortune with
this thing.
[dog growls]
Whoa mama!
This car must be
made completely out
of loose change.
Now to get it
into these
penny rolls.
Excuse me.
That's my car.
Hey! Finder's keepers.
So? Want to get lunch?
I'm rich.
No, but if
you take
That bus all the way
to the last stop,
My twin sister
will be waiting
for you.
Twin sister, huh?
What's she
look like?
[bus engine]
Better hurry.
Hmm. Just
like home.
Only more corn.
And the cars are
made of horses.
Woman: Good morning
to you, sir.
You the sister
i'm supposed
to meet?
Yes. I am sister emma.
You must be
brother johnny-diah,
Come to visit from
the east country.
Yeah, sure.
Let's ride.
Sister emma?
Hey, cool hat.
Need a lift?
Are one of
you sister emma?
Um, no.
We're going to go
to daytona beach
for spring break.
Want to come?
All righty, then.
Johnny: I still
don't know why
I got to wear these
stupid clothes.
Your east
country ways
Are truly strange,
All our men
dress thusly.
I think i'm getting
a burlap wedgy.
You'll get
used to it.
I've returned
with johnny-diah.
Come in. I was
just blunting these
farm implements
To make
the work harder.
Tell me, johnny-diah.
What brings you such
a great distance?
Some chick told me
her sister here could
cure what ails me.
A chicken spoke
to you and told you
That emma would
perform a healing?
You talk funny.
Y-yes. Well,
in any event,
let me extend
The open arms
of brotherly--
Blah, blah, blah.
I'm starving.
When's dinner?
Mom-adiah: You're
in for a treat,
I've worked all day
to make the food as
tasteless as possible.
Hmm. Radish
loaf with skunk
root sauce.
This stinks!
Got any ketchup?
You start with
the spicy tang
of ketchup
And before
you know it,
You're skipping
about the barn
Wearing brightly
colored garments.
You know, that
reminds me of
a funny story.
I was washing
my hair in
the toilet
The other
day, when
So, when the battery
ran out,
I realized i had
my underwear on my head
The whole time.
Hey, want to
see some karate?
Yes. Well,
let's get to
bed, shall we?
So, how's
about tomorrow,
you and me--
Oh, yeah.
Making progress.
No, mama!
I'm too old for
the tiny pants.
Oh, it's you.
What time is it?
It's 4:30,
Do you plan to lay
in bed all day when
work's to be done?
Work? [screams]
Oh, all right,
If that's what it takes
to prove myself to you,
I'll do it.
Uh, by the way,
i ran out of nails.
So i pulled some from
those other buildings.
You have brought
shame upon us.
And for that,
you must receive
The treatment!
The treatment?
What the heck
is that?
We can't hear you.
We're giving you
the treatment.
No, please.
Not the treatment!
Stop! Stop!
All of you.
is our guest.
Yes, his customs
may be strange,
But we must open
our hearts to him.
She does dig me.
Hey, short blond
and righteous.
How's about
a quick game of spin
the butter churn?
[johnny groans]
Johnny: Didn't see that.
Dad-adiah: Stop!
This goes against
all by by-laws of
Our peace
loving community.
Everyone ok
with that?
Crowd: Aye!
Then let
the pummeling
Johnny: Oh, boy
Magic word--blood
Watch the hair
Come on now
Boy, that hurt.
Welcome to the chess match
of the century,
Johnny bravo versus
the super computer.
What's this horsey
thing again?
It's a knight.
Can i move here?
King me!
There is no
"king me" in chess.
Hey, look at me,
i'm a martian.
Anyone up
for parcheesi?
Carl: It's hopeless.
12 hours to live.
Good gravy, carl.
It's just
a lousy houseplant.
It's not just
a houseplant.
It's the best
venus flytrap
i ever had.
Take him, pops.
I want him to spend
his final days
Among the flies
he loved so well.
All righty.
I'll put him
in the kitchen.
The place is lousy with
the little stinkers.
Farewell, little
dionaea muscipula.
Parting is such
sweet sorrow.
Hey, dweeb, what's up?
You look like
somebody died.
Oops, i think i've made
a terrible mistake.
I'm wearing my
underwear on
the outside.
Ah. That's better.
Now, who died.
Not died.
Read the medical report.
Wah? 12 hours
to live?
No hope of
Carl, you're dying.
And here i was
being mean to you
For the past
two decades.
From here on,
i vow to be
the best friend
You always
fantasized i was.
And i swear,
i will do
Anything to make
your last day on
earth a happy one.
No, you don't
That's the medical
report for my venus--
Space boy's log.
Star date: July.
Have sustained
heavy disrupter fire.
My trusty lieutenant
has just beamed back
aboard the bridge.
I said my lieutenant
has just beamed
back aboard.
Why do i got
to wear this?
I just feel stupid.
Johnny, you said
you'll play trip mccoy
galaxy boy with me.
That means
you're biff proton,
My best friend
and trusted
first officer.
Oh, all right.
Lieutenant biff
reporting for duty.
What are your
stupid orders?
Give me a foot rub.
What? Not
a chance, dweeb.
Then prepare
to be disciplined.
What did you
do that for?
I thought trip and
biff what's-his-name
were friends.
Normally, yes.
But in this
episode, my brain
has been taken over
By evil space crabs.
Well then i
don't want to--
You will
be absorbed.
Why you little--
What am i doing?
Carl's dying
and here i am
Pounding his head
into the carpet.
Carl: Ow!
I feel cold.
I see
a bright light.
Is this the end of
carl crisovinowitz?
Please, carl.
Don't die.
I'll make
it up to you,
i swear i will.
Really? What
size unitard
do you wear?
This won't end well.
Come on, johnny.
I hate it here.
I'm going home.
You can do
it, johnny.
Just pretend you're
tiptoeing across
a beautiful cloud.
Now come here and be
my skating buddy.
How long before
you die again?
Just relax and
follow my lead.
Spin me, johnny.
Now lift me.
[carl screams]
Hey, rink bunny.
Want to join
the johnny capades?
That's it.
I'm out of here.
All right.
I'll be fine.
Ow, my spleen.
Oh, everything's
getting dark
and pasty.
Come on, carl.
Quit dying on me.
I-i'll do
whatever it takes.
Ok. Follow me.
Carl is my
best friend.
He is so
smart and nice
And a really
snappy dresser.
I like carl
very much.
Excuse me,
mr. Motorist.
Would you run
me over with
your vehicle?
Really, you'd
be doing me
a favor.
I don't hear
you, johnny.
Carl is so great.
He is the sun and
we are the planets.
He has a very
pleasant singing voice.
Excuse me,
mr. Construction worker.
Would you please
bury me alive?
I'll give
you a dollar.
You forgot to mention
That i'm an excellent
I don't get
it, carl.
We've been doing
this for hours.
Shouldn't you
be dead by now?
Any minute now.
In the meantime,
keep proclaiming
your devotion to me.
Do i have to?
Oh, the tunnel.
I see the tunnel.
"c" is for
the coolest
guy i know.
"a" is for
the awful way
i treat him.
"r" is for
his really neat
bug collection.
"l" is for--
The love of
Somebody put
me out of
my misery.
I can't stand
it anymore.
I can't stand it.
Great news, carl.
Your venus flytrap's
going to live after all.
Johnny: Huh?
That's great, pops.
X-nay on
the i-trap-flay.
Yes sir, 3 helpings
of my loose meat special,
And the little fella
was as good as new.
I guess that fancy
medical report
Was just a big
load of bunk.
That report
was about
a stupid plant?
ow, my spleen.
I mean, my tooth.
This hangnail's
no picnic.
I like you better
than people.
[plant belches]
Johnny: Look out.
Johnny: whoa, mama
A babe.
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
Johnny: Whatever.
Captioned by the national
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