Johnny Bravo (1997) s02e13 Episode Script

El Bravo Magnifico/Johnny-O and Juliet/Clan of the Cave Boob

1, 2, 3, hyah!
Man, i'm pretty.
Huh! Ha! Huh!
Do the monkey with me.
Come on!
Hey there, baby.
Yeah, whatever.
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
And that's why,
to a true ninja,
is a weapon,
Even this lowly
breakfast sausage.
Um, who are you?
See? Didn't expect
that, did you?
Where's master hama?
I told you, master hama
ate a bad clam,
So i'm in charge.
Now, which one of you maggots
thinks he can take me?
Johnny: Hmm
You, runty kid,
Get up here and show me
what you've got.
Don't be afraid
to hurt me.
Hyuh! Hyah! Ha! Ha!
His chin is weak,
but his skills are deadly.
Hyuh! Hyah! Hyuh!
Huh! Hyah! Huh!
I am outta
here, jerk.
Hey, mister,
no dogs allowed.
Many pardons, señor.
I am looking for
the karate master.
Hyuh! Hyah! Huh!
Hoo! Hooo-oooo!
That would be me, frenchy.
I have been
searching far and wide
for a man such as you
To defend
my village against
the vicious bandito.
Why don't you just
defend yourselves?
We are a village
of terrible cowards.
Even the meowing
of the tiny kitten
Makes us cry
like little girls.
Ok, your story checks out.
So, will you
help us, señor?
I don't suppose
your village
Is a glorious paradise
where women abound
And nachos
flow like wine?
Uh Si.
Then let's ride,
Well, here we are.
This is your town?
Where is everybody?
They're hiding.
I told you,
We are a village
of cowards.
It's all right, everyone.
This is the hombre
that's going to help us.
Welcome to santa
rosita, señor.
Please accept
this complimentary
gift basket
Of stale taco shells
and scorpions.
Yeah. Never mind that.
Where are all the chicks?
Our daughters
are locked away
Out of fear
for the bandito
muy caliente.
What? No chicks?
I've had it with
you crazy germans!
I'm out of here!
Man: ¡arriba! ¡arriba!
¡ay yi yi yi!
Hey, where's
everyone gone?
It's muy caliente.
He pillages the village
every day at 3:00.
[teeth chattering]
Somebody hide me.
Señor, if you defeat
muy caliente,
The señoritas
will surround you
Like the tortilla
surrounds the enchilada.
All right,
but to win,
I will require
3 things:
A magnifying glass,
a bowl of rice,
And the feather
of a young condor.
Bang, bang! Bang, bang!
Hold it, hombre.
Steady, bingo.
Your horse's name
is bingo?
[with heavy accent]
si. Bingo is his name-o.
So, who are you,
and what do you want?
Come again.
Who are you,
and what--
I'm not getting you.
Hold on.
I had to take out
my retainer.
So, who are you?
I'm the guy who's
going to stop your
reign of terror.
And how do you
propose to do that?
I'll give you this
and some rice
And a pretty
Now i'm going to
pinch you and punch you
And feed you
to my horse.
Oh, yeah?
all right, then.
Use this lasso.
Bang, bang! Bang!
Hola, chica.
Caliente has not seen
you around before.
[with high voice]
yes, well, can't talk now.
I have tortillas in the oven.
Come, conchita.
Give muy caliente
a little kiss.
[kissing sounds]
But i'm too shy
and sweaty.
Surely a girl
as pretty as you
Has kissed
a man before.
What?! I was young!
It was new year's eve!
The cherry cola
made me giddy!
I know that voice.
Now you've done it.
Karate! Hyah!
Now i will make you bark
like the dog you are.
and panting]
Now chirp
like a parakeet.
Now make
that clicking noise
The dolphins use
to find things underwater.
Ay! Our champion is
even more cowardly
than we are!
Si. Compared
to such a chicken,
We are bold
like the wolf!
Get him, mis amigos!
Not the face!
Those are
my kissing lips!
Be careful!
[festive music playing]
Gracias, johnny bravo.
You have taught us
never to depend
On any stranger
to fight our battles,
For he may turn out
to be a useless jerk.
No problemo.
Now, if you'll
excuse me
Hey, mamacitas,
how'd you like
A big old helping
of refried johnny?
Oh! Aah! Oh!
Ay chihuahua.
Ooh! Aah! Ooh! Ooh! No!
I didn't know
them lipsticks hurt.
Keep your eyes out
for aphids, johnny.
Eternal vigilance
is our only defense
against those pests.
Aw, mama. I feel stupid
wearing this.
Why can't i be a nice
macho chrysanthemum?
Hey! Ooh! No!
Oh, look!
New neighbors.
Start tossing me
ornaments, dear.
Oh, i think we're
going to love it here.
Welcome to
the neighborhood.
I'm bunny bravo.
Mona herschbaum
of the teaneck herschbaums.
Johnny, be
a dear and help
mrs. Herschbaum
With her boxes.
I don't know.
Give me a dollar.
This is the box
With all my tight-fitting
athletic wear, right?
That's my daughter
She's single
and plays the tuba
like an angel.
Well, aerate my roots
and prune my petals.
I think i'm in love.
I'll help you
with your boxes,
new neighbor lady.
Oh, be careful!
an heirloom!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, no!
Oh, dear!
Oh! Oh, no!
I'll just
carry these in
So your gorgeous daughter
can tell me where to put them.
Oh! Look what you've done,
You careless,
No one talks to
my johnny that way!
From this moment on,
the bravos and the
TheThe herschbaums
Are mortal enemies!
Yeah, whatever.
Listen, i'm
going to go in
And stare at
your daughter.
Come, johnny.
I don't ever want you
To speak to these
people again.
But i want to stare
at julie!
"i love you very, very,
very, very, very, very
"this is the house
we will live in
"when we get married.
"this is you
making me a sandwich.
Remember, no onions.
This is--"
Mama: Johnny,
are you talking
To that
herschbaum girl?
No, mama.
Johnny has a girlfriend!
Johnny has
a girlfriend!
How about i bury the rest
of your doll collection?
Well, my 6-foot
reinforced concrete wall
Is finished.
We'll never have to
look at those horrible
herschbaums again.
Oh, great. Now what
am i going to do?
If you love
someone, johnny,
You should
let them know.
What? You mean
you think i should
over the wall
And onto her balcony
in a single bound?
I'll do it!
Actually, i was
going to suggest
a phone call.
Look at her.
She's like some
untouchable goddess.
Once i get
this barbed wire hung,
Those horrible bravos
won't dare
To set a foot
on my property.
Here i come,
my sweet patootie.
mrs. Herschbaum.
You're looking
lovely today.
mr. Foofoo,
Hey! Don't!
Aah! Stop!
Watch the hair!
Ooh! Aah!
Bad doggies!
Aah! Oh!
Aw, it's hopeless.
That wall is like
some big concrete barrier thing
That keeps us apart.
Don't give up,
Anything's possible
if you really love someone.
You mean i should use
your bow and arrow set
To launch myself
through the air and
into julie's bedroom?
Not exactly.
I'll do it!
Here i come,
my brass-boned bonita.
I love you, baby!
Why, mrs. Herschbaum,
what a lovely day.
Would you happen
to have a neck brace
And a cold compress
i could borrow?
Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
This is
all your fault!
I'm not listening
to any more of
your stupid advice!
But, johnny, i was
only trying to help.
So you're saying i should
rent a german tank and
take out the power lines--
No, no, no, no!
Johnny, listen to me.
There's only one option.
Find a way to make peace
between the 2 mamas.
HmmIt's just
crazy enough to work!
old macdonald
had a farm
Oh, my goodness!
and bingo was his name--
Oh, my heavens!
Bunny, my begonias!
And my azaleas!
One woman alone
cannot defeat these
6-legged fiends.
We've got
to join forces.
Mona herschbaum,
let's tear down
this wall!
I'll get the pesticide.
And i'll get
the big honking
bug zapper
I bought on sale
last week.
What's going on,
Well, i took
your advice and bought
A 20-gallon drum of aphids
and let them loose
on the lawn.
Coming your way, bunny.
Bring it on,
Yes, mona?
What does this mean?
I have no idea.
It worked, johnny!
They're friends again!
Yeah, and i still have
5,000 aphids left. See?
[johnny screaming]
what are you--
I confess!
I put aphids
on your flowers
So you'd
stop fighting.
I did it
because i'm in love
with your daughter.
Oh, is that the most
precious thing
you've ever heard?
I would be proud
to have a boy like you
Chasing mindlessly
after my daughter.
Mom, what's
going on?
Yes, johnny?
Say, you ain't gonna
end up looking like
your mama, are you?
Excuse me?
Because, you know,
you're sweet,
But she's
Pucker up.
All them tuba lessons
are about to pay off.
You jerk!
Maybe it would be better
if we just moved.
Keep in touch,
Oh, mama.
Hey there, my little
etruscan honeybun.
Your pearly
gladiator is here.
Ooh! Uh!
I came, i saw,
i broke a hip.
That's it.
Dig, johnny.
Your sweaty,
backbreaking labor
May lead to my greatest
discovery yet.
Why am i doing
all the digging?
Quiet, johnny.
This is science.
There's no complaining
in science.
I thought
you said we'd find
Scary dinosaur
skeletons here.
All we found so far
is an angry muskrat,
This priceless
egyptian pottery,
And these sticks
of dynamite.
No skeletons, huh?
Then what do you
call this?
What the heck
is that?
It's a fragment
of the interior toe bone
Of a bractiated
So? So, he stood
over 3 feet tall
With nasty
green eyes
And an annoying
high-pitched roar.
I meant to do that.
Oh, my gosh!
Look at that!
Let me see!
Let me see!
Let me see!
Uh! Johnny,
do you realize
What you've
just found?
No, but i'm sure
you're going to
yammer on about it.
It's an artifact from
a genuine bravopithicus
Perfectly preserved
in amber.
That's right.
After the last ice age,
This noble biped
bestrode these valleys
like a colossus.
Wow. Did he fight
a lot of scary
Loads of them.
But you probably
don't care about that.
But i do care!
Tell me more, carl.
Tell me
the whole story.
Ok. A long time ago,
In a gene pool
far away,
Evolution had hit
a bit of a snag.
Hey, mama, bring me
another warthog sandwich.
Johnny, this is
your 10th one today.
All you do is sit around
the cave all day and eat.
Hey, there's no pickles
on this sandwich.
Look around, johnny.
Everyone on the block
is evolving except you.
Your cousin grok
just learned to use
his opposable thumbs.
[singing scat]
And just last week,
that nice cro-magnon boy carl
Invented fire and the wheel.
Cook, you stupid
Yeah, but everybody
hates him.
Pops: AhemJohnny,
Me and some
of the other cave men
Are concerned
that your crummy attitude
Might be angering
the spirit world.
I'm afraid that unless you start
pulling your weight around here,
We're going to have to
cast you out of the tribe.
Hey, man,
if you got a point,
Could you make it
after lunch?
He's ventured
beyond the tree!
No one has ever gone
that far and lived.
I'll show you all.
I'll find a tribe
that accepts me
for who i am,
And when i do,
they'll probably
make me king!
And i'll come back
and make you all
Dance around
like stupid
little monkeys.
Dang, i'm hungry.
Hey, a nest.
Nest means eggs.
Eggs means breakfast.
Breakfast, the most important
meal of the pleistocene era.
Aw, look at
the cute little things.
Where's your mama,
little fellas?
Maybe this is
where i belong,
Caring for these
defenseless creatures,
Protecting them
from the cold,
Teaching them
how to make me a sandwich.
Aw, look.
They like me.
Calm down, lady.
I wasn't going to eat them.
Well, maybe
the little one.
Aah! Ooh!
Whoa. I wouldn't mind
joining her tribe.
Hyah! Huh! Ha!
Hey, baby,
How's about
letting me be
Your missing
link to love?
Oh, i get it. You're one
of those feminist cave women
Who likes to make
the first move.
Oh! Wait!
Isn't there any way
i can win your heart?
Well, you could
help me get rid
Of the giant dinosaur
that's been terrorizing me.
Anything's better
than being thrown
off this cliff.
Where is
the ugly varmint?
At the bottom
of this cliff.
I'll take it.
Now, where would i be
If i were a giant,
scary dinosaur?
Maybe i can get a better view
from this hill.
Man, this hill stinks,
And it's all rough
and scaly and, uh
This won't end well.
No, og.
No, no, no.
Sorry, fella.
The boy's don't like
to miss a minute
Of the manhunt
warthog show.
Hold on.
This part's hilarious.
You mean,
all you do all day
Is sit around
and watch
colorful images
On a big
square thing?
No. Sometimes we walk
over to the buffet table
And make a big cheesy
plate of nachos.
Big cheesy plate?
I found my home!
There's a new link
in the food chain,
And it's crunchy.
Scoot over, fellas.
And that's why
we have snack foods.
So, did bravopithi
guy ever go back
to his tribe?
Where did they get
the microwaves
to cook the nachos?
Did cave men
brush their teeth
with rocks?
Uh-huh. And then
the ice age hit,
And people used
snowballs for money,
And polar bears
directed traffic,
And ravenous
man-eating chickens
roamed the prairies.
None of that story
is true, is it, carl?
No. I made it all up
because i crave attention.
Makes you wonder,
doesn't it?
Look out.
Hyah! Huh!
Oh, mama!
A babe!
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
Captioned by the national
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