Johnny Bravo (1997) s02e16 Episode Script

Pop Art Johnny/Dude Ranch Doofus/A Cake Too Far

1, 2, 3, hyah!
Man, i'm pretty.
Huh! Ha! Huh!
Do the monkey with me.
Come on!
Hey there, baby.
Yeah, whatever.
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
This means something.
I know it.
Hey, johnny.
You're right.
The animal clashes
with the vegetable.
What does this mean
to you, little girl?
You discovered
your artistic muse
in the medium of sculpture?
I know. Radishes!
Johnny, will you take me
to the art museum today?
I'd rather
be torn apart
by dingoes.
Aw. That's too bad.
My favorite artist,
annie yamhertz,
Is giving
a free exhibition
of her egg-salad art.
Let me see that.
HmmNice form,
nice contour.
And the paintings
ain't bad either.
To the art museum!
Hey, look
at all the geeks!
Shh. Johnny,
please try to
act dignified.
hey, look at
all the geeks.
Hors d'oeuvre?
No, but i'll take some
of them tiny hot dogs.
Hey, where
are you going?
I still got space
in this cheek, frenchy.
I'm just going to
go over here now.
No problemo. I'll just
blend in with the dorks.
Ooh, so tactile.
Yes. Such wonderful
Sir, that sculpture
is an abstract
portrait of moi
Done by the great
artist rene defusco.
I don't think
He made your nose
twisty enough.
Now see here.
I'll have you know
You're speaking
to my wife.
Poor guy. Have
some tiny hot dogs.
Johnny, hurry.
Annie yamhertz
Is beginning
her exhibition.
Light is egg,
and egg is the essence
Of all that is
to become what is.
[crowd gasps
and applauds]
Be still,
my throbbing heart.
Hey, baby, i love
what you do
with egg salad.
How about we go
back to my place
And you sculpt me
a sandwich?
Man is an infant.
He pins his diaper
with the danish
of ignorance.
You talk funny.
Hey, want to see me drink
while standing on my head?
[gulp gulp gulp]
It's like she can see
into my soul.
Johnny, what
are you doing?!
You've ruined
the whole
Who's done this
to my wall?
She did.
Such strength,
such boldness of attack.
It's brilliant!
I did it!
I'll pay you
huge gobs of money
To produce works
just like this one
for my gallery.
HmmI don't know.
Sounds like work.
I'll throw in those
tiny hot dogs you like.
The art world
is being taken by storm
By newcomer johnny bravo,
Whose series
of colorful butt prints
Are being fought over
by collectors everywhere.
I visited with johnny
on a typical day
In this young tyro's
studio loft.
Whoa, mama!
Hey, baby, if you're
here to pose,
You've got
the job. Hyah!
Whoa! Uhh!
Johnny, tell us
how the inspiration
For your butt prints
came about.
Well, sandy--
Susan, as an artist,
i've often asked myself,
How can i best convey
truth and beauty
To the great
unwashed masses?
And then it came to me.
I can dip my butt
in shrimp sauce
And slap it
against a canvas.
And what do you have to say
to your detractors,
Who call your art
puerile and stupid?
Na na na na na na!
Hey, look at me.
I'm one of my detractors.
Johnny bravo,
inspired visionary
Or big, stupid,
lucky dumb guy?
Only time will tell.
This is terrible.
I've got to save johnny
Before he's consumed
by the demon fame.
But first
i'll get some cookies.
la la la la la
we have to talk.
Not now, kid.
I'm busy.
Mr. Johnny--
I told you,
from now on,
i'm to be known
As the artist
formerly known
as johnny.
And it's spelled
like this.
Ah, so sorry,
mr., um
But i have the designs
for the new coffee mugs.
I hate it. I hate it.
I hate it.
I love it.
I shall name you renaldo.
I hate it. I hate it.
I hate it.
Oh, why am i
so misunderstood?
Why does no one
share my vision?
you're miserable
Because you've forgotten
what art is all about.
You used to make
butt prints
you loved it.
Now you do it
so people will give you
giant bags of money.
Hey, you're right.
I forgot about my
big bags of money.
Ha ha!
Johnny, you're making
a mockery of the art world.
Oh, i get it.
You're jealous
of my talent.
Well, you can just
suck lemons tomorrow
At my big
new opening.
Then you'll see
that i'm
A profound
and deeply
artistic soul.
Look at me.
I'm that stupid
neighbor girl.
Na na na na na.
Man: Ladies
and gentlemen,
I give you
the latest work
By johnny bravo.
HmmI guess people
really do like
johnny's butt art.
That no-talent
canvas jockey
Has upstaged me
for the last time.
Johnny, look out!
It's brilliant!
Little girl, your
rotten tomato paintings
Will take the art
world by storm.
Hey, kid, can we work
together sometime?
Uh, maybe.
Why don't you
have your people
Call the people
who work
for my people?
What? Oh, blowing
me off, huh?
Just walking away
like a bunch of
fickleFickle people
Who swim in
their own fickleness.
Well, i don't
need you.
I can make it
on my own,
And when i do,
i'll have
really great
Barbecues, and none
of you can come.
I'll show you!
I'll show you all!
Butt prints 5 cents.
Get your prints.
Every one a beauty.
Want to buy
a butt print?
Oh, i'm so excited!
Oh, our first day
at the double chin dude ranch.
Let's see.
What do we do first?
Poodle wrangling,
dirty line dancing,
Prickly pear loofa rub.
Oh, i can't decide.
What do you think,
johnny? Johnny?
I'm not coming out.
I look stupid.
Don't be silly, dear.
You look like
a little buckaroo
All full of pep
and giddy-up.
But i can't let
anyone see me like this.
First of all,
my velour neckerchief
Clashes with
my fur chaps.
Oh, that's
I saw
the exact outfit
On page 54
of cow guy
But these
rattlesnake briefs
Are starting
to ride up.
Now go play,
Mama's off to her
wranglerobics class.
I don't care
what she says.
I look like
high plains dipstick.
A quick trip
to the changing room,
And i can ditch
these duds.
Oh, excuse me, sir.
I had no idea
this stall was--
Ooh! Aah! Oh!
Look out!
Oh, mama!
Whoa, boy.
Don't worry about me.
The bleeding
Is just the beginning
of the healing process.
My poor
little diablo,
Did that stupid
man hurt you?
Well, circle the wagons.
Love's on the warpath.
What kind of jerk
tries to ride
A horse
he doesn't know?
Who would keep a horse
in a stupid changing room?
I keep diablo
on the ranch
In hopes
of finding a man
Who can tame
his wild nature.
Now, why would a guy
want to risk his life
Taming a wild horse
on the off chance
That you'll fall
in love with him
And smother him with--
oh, hey! Whoa, boy.
I'm going to go.
You know,
what you need
Is an expert
horse trainer,
At which i happen to be
one ofThose.
Funny. You don't look
like a horse trainer.
What? You kidding me?
I even know
All the fancy terms,
like, uh
No, thanks.
I'm still full
from breakfast.
All right, mister.
I'll give you
a chance,
But you better
be careful.
Diablo's a killer.
Don't worry.
I have a way
with stupid beasts.
They sense my strength,
my confidence,
My quiet intelligen--
aah! Ooh!
Of course, the process
may take a day or 2.
All right, diablo.
I don't like you,
and you don't like me,
But it's time
to show you who's boss.
Let the staring
contest begin.
I did it!
I won!
You're just
a stupid horse,
And i'm
a human being.
Get down
on your hooves
and worship me,
For i am man,
The pointy tip
of the food chain.
Glad to see you're
having fun, johnny.
Can't talk now.
I'm off to
my cactupuncture
Ptoo! Ok,
he's got my scent.
Now to win
his trust.
They say that music can charm
the soul of man and beast.
To me, that means
just one thing--karaoke!
well, pig in the silo
eatin' up slop
cow in the slaughterhouse,
chop, chop, chop
well, i can sing,
and i can't stop
if you don't like it,
you can call the cops
swing your partner,
do-si-do, everybody
Wait. No, don't hurt me.
Here, take my wallet.
Take the burrito
i was having for lunch.
[sniff sniff]
I've done it!
I have tamed diablo.
Let the montage begin.
was the pride,
Such was
the prejudice."
Why, i don't
believe it.
The last person
who tried
to read
Jane austen
to diablo
Got his head
bit clean off.
'twasn't nothing.
Now how's about
letting me show you
How the west was won?
Slow down, cowpoke.
Why don't you put
diablo through
his paces,
And if he's tame
as he looks,
my heart is yours.
Uh-oh. Out of burritos.
Uh, no matter.
Our relationship
Is based on love
and mutual respect.
Right, diablo?
Whoa! Runaway horse!
Whoa, boy! Whoa!
Nice donkey! Whoa!
A little help
here, huh?
Hey, meat loaf.
That looks--whoa!
Hi, mama.
Hi, sweetie.
I hate the west.
Oh ho ho!
You're no
horse trainer.
You're just
a gussied-up,
city slicker.
for noticing.
Now let's say
you and me
Strap on
the feedbag
of love.
So, johnny,
how did you enjoy
Your day
at the dude ranch?
Well, mama,
i'm reminded
Of the words
of horace greeley
When he said,
Excuse me.
Your shoe's untied.
Ha ha ha.
Dumb cartoon guy.
Hyah! Ha! Hyuh!
Mama: And hit it!
We've got batter.
we've got batter.
[timer dings]
Together: We're a lean,
mean baking machine!
Now peanut butter me,
and we're home free.
Hey, where's
the peanut butter?
I haven't seen it.
I swear.
Please, johnny.
We're trying to practice
For the bakeoff
championships tomorrow.
Mrs. Bravo's a shoo-in
to win first prize
For her peanut butter
upside-down donut cake.
If i win, i'll get my photo
and recipe published
In the happy glutton
That'll show
that sadie hoffman
And her honey-glazed
rum balls!
But i'm bored, mama.
Well, why don't you
help us, dear?
What? Are you
kidding me?
I can't be seen
baking a cake.
It ain't manly.
Now, which one
of you girls
is going to
Teach me
how to throw
a football?
Well, i guess we could
take a small break.
One big honking
hail-mary pass
And then
back to work.
Boca raton!
Get ready!
This one's coming
from last week!
Downtown, kids!
It's a bomb, baby!
Oh, my bursitis.
I'm open!
I'm open!
Hmm, must have
been intercepted.
Peanut butter?
Concentrate, johnny.
With my whisking arm
on the fritz,
You're going to have to help
suzy at tomorrow's bakeoff.
I'm all over it.
Good. I'll just
yell out instructions
from the recipe card.
No need, mama.
I took in
the whole thing
With my keen powers
of observation.
Just follow my lead,
little girl.
This contest
is in the bag.
Say when, mama.
AndHit it!
Hyuh! Ha ha! Huh!
Ha! Hyuh!
I'm blind!
I'm blind!
Maybe it would be
better tomorrow
If you just read
the instructions.
You've got the
recipe card, right?
And don't forget
to boost me
for the egg flip.
Now, the sugar
is coming
right at you.
Do you feel good?
Do you feel focused?
Do you have
the recipe card?
For the 26th time, i have
the dad-gum recipe card.
What do you think
i am? Stupid?
Stupid is such
a strong word.
Chef johnny
sees a side dish.
Preheat your oven
to 350 degrees, baby.
Your filet mignon
has arrived.
I'm really rather busy
at the moment.
That's ok.
I baste in my own
natural juices.
Look, would you
please go away?
Hey, if you
want my number,
just ask for it.
Wait. Hold on.
No, that ain't right.
I think
Yeah, carry the 4
Suzy: Johnny.
I'm coming.
The starting bell's
going to go
any second.
Blah, blah, blah.
Say, i'm starving.
Where's the peanut butter?
Ok, quick, johnny,
read me the recipe.
Ah, recipe. Right.
Now, let's see
I didn't lose it.
I just put it someplace
i don't know about.
What are we
going to do?
Now, don't panic.
We'll just make
a new dish
Using whatever
ingredients we have
lying around.
Quick, empty
your pockets.
Man: And in 16th place,
Mama bravo's bubble gum,
pine nut, beef jerky jamboree.
Hey! 16th place.
That ain't so bad.
There were only
12 contestants.
Johnny, suzy,
i'm so proud of you.
Aw, i'm sorry
we let you down, mama.
Oh, pish tush.
I'm sorry
That my overwhelming
ambition and craving
for validation
Allowed me to deprive
my favorite person
in the world
Of his johnny time.
Besides, who needs
to have their name
and picture
In some silly
Bunny bravo,
your recipes are just
What my publishing company
is looking for.
Count me in.
Get it while it's hot.
Mama bravo's book
of gourmet doorstops.
A barbell of goodness
in every meal.
Is it an anchor,
a paperweight,
or a hearty entree?
You decide.
Ooh! Ah
Look out.
Hyah! Hyuh!
Oh, mama!
A babe!
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