Johnny Bravo (1997) s02e18 Episode Script

1
1, 2, 3, hyah!
Baby.
Sassy!
Man, i'm pretty.
Huh! Ha! Huh!
Do the monkey with me.
Come on.
Hey there, baby.
Ooh! Aah!
Yeah, whatever.
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
And u.S. Department of education
[creakily]
yes? Who are you?
Johnny?
No. That's my name.
No. I'm susie,
your neighbor for 18 years.
Oh!
I remember you.
You're that annoying
little neighbor girl.
Get off my lawn!
Yes? Who are you?
These are underwater
photos of the tour boat
moronic.
My real estate conglomerate
found the wreck
When we were putting in
lakeside condos.
Who are you?
UhOk.
And inside the
moronic's gutted hull,
We found this.
[gasps and wheezes]
It's my squint ringo
decoder ring! Ahh!
I gave it to her
those many years ago.
Oh!
Why, i remember it
like it was happening
in a flashback.
[band playing]
No, johnny,
i can't wait.
A 3-hour tour
of gutter bay!
It's going to
be wonderful!
And by wonderful,
you mean it will bite?
Why do we have to get
the $2.00 tickets?
Can't we at least
take the $15 deluxe tour?
Those aren't our kind
of people, johnny.
Besides,
i have coupons!
I don't want to go
on some stupid, boring,
all-day, stupid, agahahgha
She's like some sort
of beautiful rich chick
With glowing hair,
walking up a ramp.
Hurry, johnny!
Only the first
50 passengers
Get beans and millet.
More hot dogs,
madam?
No luck, eh, old timer?
What do you mean?
That's a quarter-ouncer.
Third class stinks!
If only i could be
with that rich chick.
Let's see
How could i meet her?
I know. I'll rent
an apache helicopter
And disguise myself
as the president of alaska.
Then in my first
press conference,
she'll see me on tv,
Fall in love,
and we'll fly away
to a romantic treehouse
In the jungle.
Ooh! Oh!
Hello.
Yaah!
I do so hate
formal lunches,
don't you?
Uh, yeah, i guess so.
I never know which hand
to eat the hot dog with.
Oh! You're so
delightfully free
of pretensions.
I'm sheila.
I'm johnny.
Want to see me do this?
Ha ha! Oh, johnny,
you're not like
the other men
Here in first class.
I'm tempted to rebel
against my stuffy,
high-class upbringing
And date you.
Huh? You know,
i get that all the time.
Huh! Sheila,
prepare to be romanced
johnny style.
Done!
[making farting noises]
Ha ha ha!
Look at me, sheila.
I'm king of the wo--bllbl!
Sheila, i want to
give you something.
It's my squint ringo
decoder ring.
Oh, johnny!
Now, i'm just
letting you hold it.
It's not a gift.
You can borrow it,
but i want it back.
It's still mine.
Oh, johnny!
Follow me.
We can be alone
here.
I don't get it.
Where's the captain?
[glub glub]
You know why
i brought you here,
johnny.
UhTo play with all
the cool, shiny gadgets?
Look at me, sheila.
I'm driving a boat!
Uh, i don't know
if you should be
touching that stuff.
Ah, don't worry.
It's not like i'm going
to crash into anything.
Tin can dead ahead!
[alarm sounds]
Don't worry, johnny.
If we stick together,
we can--
Aah! Get out of my way!
Johnny!
Here, johnny!
Thanks, mama.
Man, too bad about
what's-her-name.
Good thing i didn't
give her--
My squint ringo
decoder ring!
Johnny!
Where are you going?
Hi, sheila.
Oh, hi.
Can iJoin you?
MmmNah.
But you got plenty
of room in there.
Oh, well, i kind of
like to stretch out.
Oh, well,
can i have my ring back?
No. You gave it to me.
What? I specifically
said i was lending it.
Lending!
Fine, you dope!
Uhh!
My ring! Noooo!
It's gone.
Gone!
Oh, sweet heavens!
Why couldn't it
have been me?
I don't want
to live!
Mama: Johnny, dear!
Let's go, darling.
The coast guard
has free doughnuts
for us up on shore.
And i never
saw sheila again.
Well, johnny,
i have a little
surprise for you.
Sheila! Oh!
Hello, johnny.
I want to tell you
how sorry i am for the way
i treated you that day.
Really? Then maybe
you'd like to practice
cpr on me, baby.
Huh! Ooh!
Oh, you're still
a pig!
Now, give me back
the ring you gave me!
I was just
lending it to you.
Noooo!
How did that
get in there?
How did that
get in there?
[monkey screeches]
How did that
get in there?
How did that
get in there?
Mama: my name is
buttercup
sweet little buttercup
la la la
la la la la
la la la
la la la la
It was all
your fault.
No. It was
all your fault.
Why must we
constantly assign blame?
Aw, zip it, dweeb.
Aw, why don't you
zip it?
I hate you both!
You're always
ruining everything.
Kids, kids! What
in the name of pile dacron
is going on here?
I thought you were all
playing nice in the park.
I was, but he never
stopped to consider
sparkily's feelings.
He is a very
sensitive robot.
Well, you see, idiot boy here
sicked his stupid robot on me
And made me crash
into a tree,
Just as i was making time
with a pretty betty.
Everything was fine
until the bees attacked,
And we had to save
my dolls.
One at a time, kids.
One at a time.
Susie,
why don't you start?
Gladly, mrs. Bravo.
I was having a tea party
with my dollies
in the park
When i saw johnny making
goo goo eyes with the ladies.
"i love you," said johnny.
"i'm sorry,"
said the lady,
"but i'm still exploring
my sense of personhood.
Let's just be friends."
Then johnny
threw a tantrum.
"i don't want to
be friends," he said.
So he decided to
jump in the lake
and hold his breath
Until the lady promised
to go out with him,
But that wasn't
about to happen.
Minutes later, johnny
stumbled out of the lake
Covered with algae
and gasping for air.
Carl, who was nearby
playing with his robot--
That's what computer nerds
call their dollies--
Saw how wet and depressed
johnny was,
So he sent his robot over
to give johnny a big hug.
He knocked a beehive
right out of a tree
and onto my blanket.
[buzzing]
I grabbed teddy
and mrs. Kensington and ran.
Suddenly, the sky opened,
and a beautiful unicorn
galloped down on a rainbow.
It lifted us
onto its back
Just in time
to save us from the bees.
Johnny tried to
steal the unicorn's horn
To sell it
on the black market.
So the unicorn trampled
all over johnny's spine,
and i don't blame it.
That's a lie!
You'll hear from
my lawyer.
And i'll countersue.
You're a stupidhead.
You're a stupid
stupidhead!
You're a stupidhead
times 10!
You're a stupidhead
exponentially
to the 9th level!
You make it sound
like it was my
robot's fault,
But it wasn't.
Kids, kids,
simmer down.
Carl, you're
a sensible young man.
Let's hear your story.
Ok. My beginnings
were very humble.
I was born
in a log cabin.
My father split
silicon chips for a living.
Skip ahead a bit,
darling.
Oh, right. The park.
Johnny was playing
with me and my robot, sparkily,
When a hussy lady
appeared
And asked johnny
to abandon me
and come play with her.
But johnny said, "no, go
away. Carl is my best friend
in the whole world."
This made the hussy lady angry
and jealous.
So she took johnny
and threw him in the lake.
"help me, carl. Help me."
I don't know what happened
to johnny then,
But he must have disturbed
a horrible algae monster,
'cause that's what came up
out of the lake.
It ran amuck and began to
terrorize the community.
Thinking quickly,
i ordered sparkily to attack,
And sparkily and the monster
began fighting to the death.
Aarroow!
Then, one of sparkily's
ray beams accidentally
hit a beehive,
And the bees
came pouring out.
Using animal language,
the bees asked a friendly
policeman on a horse
To help conquer
the monster.
He agreed and trampled
the monster into submission.
It's a lie!
Please, johnny,
let carl finish.
I'm done.
Good, 'cause that's
the biggest piece of
baloney i ever heard.
Well, johnny,
why don't you tell
us what happened?
I'd be happy to.
I was in the park,
having just defeated
a ninja warlord,
When suddenly a gorgeous
international model
Came up and threw
her arms around me.
"marry me," she said,
"for you are like some
shining, gleaming man-god,
And i can't live
without you."
So i dove into the lake
to find an oyster with
an engagement ring in it
When suddenly,
i heard her shouting.
"help me, johnny,"
she cried.
"save me from carl's
stupid robot!"
Thinking quickly
Uh
I said,
thinking quickly
Oh, yeah.
I grabbed a beehive
and chucked it
at the robot.
[buzzing]
The model lady
smothered me with kisses,
But by then, i realized,
"i'm too pretty to be tied
down to just one woman."
Oh, yeah.
"i will not be second
to you," she said.
Then she summoned
a horrible, rabid donkey
Who trampled me again
and again and again and again!
[snoring]
Wha--oh! Huh?
Oh, very
interesting.
Especially the
part where raoul
takes his shirt off.
That's not quite
how i remember it,
johnny.
That is so
what happened.
No way!
You didn't even
mention the
algae monster.
Maybe that's because
there was no algae
monster, you weed!
Why don't you
just grow up?
Hey, you shut up.
[all shouting at once]
Mama: Children!
Children!
I believe
all your stories.
Huh?
As the german
philosopher
ernst heidegard tells us,
"das dis wie trocher
liechtenstein eben
nacht micht was stubenhaus."
Did i mention
i defeated a ninja?
Translated, that means,
"all points of view
are equally valid."
Now why don't we leave
all our preconceived
notions at the door
And head in for some
milk and cookies?
Yay!
Whoo!
Cookies!
Huh huh huh!
Algae monster.
Ha ha ha ha!
[horses neighing]
Arggh!
Oh, mama!
Heyah! Hey there,
my little etruscan
honeybun.
Your burly
gladiator is here.
Ha!
Ooh!
I came, i saw,
i broke a hip.
A hip.
[snap snap snap]
Golly, this is the bestest
weasel roundup ever!
Aah! Get off of me,
you vicious little varmint!
Aha! I got you.
Ooh!
Stop the senseless
harassment of
innocent weasels
And the ritualistic
cruelty to our
animal friends!
Lady,
what are you doing?
You're ruining
the weasel roundup.
It's nothing but
a vicious display
of macho posturing.
Yes, and one of
our town's most
cherished traditions.
Don't you realize
these animals are
deeply traumatized
By your
barbaric oppression?
Why, that's terrible!
So if i'm nice
to a bunch of
rabid wildlife,
You'll go out
with me?
Huh! Ha! Huh!
Ooh!
If you'd spend
more time rescuing
helpless animals
Instead of
oppressing them,
Maybe i'd think
differently of you.
Hmm, apparently
the plight of
endangered animals
Is my ticket
to chickville.
Be free,
little goldfish.
Return to your
natural spawning ground.
[toilet flushes]
Hey, that chick
who was hitting on me
in the park was right.
Being nice to animals
does feel good.
And yet, it seems
i can do so much more.
[children laughing
and talking]
Girl: Piñata! Piñata!
Aw, look, that annoying
little neighbor kid
Is having
a birthday party.
Piñata! Piñata!
Get your sticks
ready, everyone!
Uhh!
What are they doing?
Stop!
I order you to release
this poor, defenseless--
What the heck
is this thing,
anyway?
It's a piñata, johnny.
What's a piñata?
Here.
We'll show you.
No! Ooh! Aah! Ooh!
Ooh! Aah! Oh!
I'm taking
this creature far away
Where none of you
can hurt him.
Johnny, we're just
going to beat his head open
And feast on the delicious
treats inside.
You fiends!
Huh!
You sit right here.
I'm going to
call you pookey.
Did the evil girls,
hurt you, little fella?
Who's a little pookey?
Who's a little pookey?
Poor little guy.
Must be in shock.
Wait till i show johnny
my coat of living weasels.
Girl: That johnny bravo!
I can't believe he took
our piñata.
We've got to
get it back.
Oh, my gosh!
I better warn johnny.
You're an odd
little fellow, pookie,
With your pink polka dots
and papier-mache exoskeleton.
Johnny, there's
a posse of young girls
heading this way to--
Hey! Piñata!
Luckily, i keep a stick
and blindfold handy
for just such an occasion.
Nooo!
Aah! Ooh! Oh! Ah!
Hey, cut it out.
Ooh! Don't--sto--oh!
I'm trying to
rescue this piñata
And return him
to the wild.
Silly, johnny.
A piñata is a traditional
mexican party favor.
Oh!
Mexican, huh?
Then mexico it is.
Huevos con carne,
you weed.
Uhh!
Johnny!
[thud]
[squealing]
[in mexican accent]
ahem. Two tickets
to mexico, please:
One adult and one child.
Hey! Piñata!
Oh! Ah! Ooh! No!
Not you, too!
It's not a piñata.
It's my little nephew
Oh, uhJorge.
All right,
but don't blame me
If the passengers
try to open his head
And feast on the
delicious treats inside.
Ghoul!
There he is!
Get him, girls!
Stop! What will the
world be like when the
last piñata is gone,
When their noble cries
cease to echo throughout
the forest?
For are we not all animals
in the great--ooh!
To the bikes!
Soon, you'll be home,
pookie,
And i'll be adored by
animal activist chicks
everywhere.
You might have to
beat them away
from me with a stick.
Ha ha ha!
Ok, the name of the game
is pinochle.
No, pookie, i told you,
you can't lead with a club.
[bang]
Whoa!
Look, everyone!
It's a piñata.
Yay!
Yay!
Uh-oh.
Fellow passengers,
Trouble not
this gentle piñata.
For years,
these majestic creatures
swam our oceans,
Sifting krill
through their tiny
krill-sifting antennae.
From time immemorial--
which basically means
a really long time ago--
They have hauled our vegetables,
protected our children,
Fetched our papers,
and kept us warm
When the sun's life-giving rays
grew dim.
Yes, once, they covered
the plains of florida
and outer mongolia,
These noble mountains
of horn, hide, and papier-mache,
But greed and
bratty little girls
Have reduced their
once-mighty herd to naught.
And so, do not let future
generations say to you,
"hey, you big jerk,
i hope you're happy.
You wacked all
the stupid piñatas!"
Man: Oh, would you
shut up?
Whoa! Ooh!
"mexico: 30 feet."
Pookie,
you're almost home.
Uh-oh.
[flapping]
Don't worry, pookie.
I won't let them get you.
Pookie, we made it!
You're free!
You're free!
Run wild,
untamed beast.
Ya ha ha ha!
Nooooooo!
Hey, candy!
[crunch crunch]
[braying]
Hey! Piñata!
Johnny! No!
Ooh!
Help.
Ohh
Ow.
Johnny: Look out.
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
Captioned by the national
Whoa, mama!
A babe!
Mercy!
Whatever.