Johnny Bravo (1997) s02e19 Episode Script

Good Knight Johnny/Balloon Platoon/The Clueless Kid

1-, 2-, 3-, huh!
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
Man, i'm pretty.
Do the monkey
with me. Come on.
Hey there, baby.
Yeah, whatever.
There comes a time
in a man's life
When he has
to settle down,
Leave behind
childish things.
That's why i got
to find one of those magical
frog princesses to kiss.
Whoa! It's a real meat
market around here.
Hey, baby.
I love your skin.
It's so green
and mucusy. Hmm.
How about
a little kiss?
Ugh! Tongue!
My glasses!
I can't be seen
without my glasses!
Especially not
in front of all
these chicks.
Dang, my magic
kiss worked.
Hey, froggy mama.
Let's go back
to my place.
I'll whip you up
a nice bowl of flies.
Look, i don't have
time for this.
I'm late
for a gig.
Oh, i get it.
Holding out for
a bucket of crickets.
Hold up.
You can't run
from our love,
My amphibious
little ginger snap.
What's going
on here?
Some kind of
hippie flea market?
How do i do it?
How do i do it?
By being a loser
and having a lot
of free time.
hello young
master, be
to enjoy
yourself at our
gentle faire
Stop it!
Stop it! Stop it!
Sorry. Don't know
what came over me.
Wait a minute.
Jugglers, stupid clothes,
bad music.
There's only
one explanation.
I must have followed that
frog chick back through
One of them magic
time portals.
I'm in
the middle ages.
These renaissance
festival costumes
Get more
every year.
Stop complaining, brad.
Uh, uh, uh.
[regal accent]
in mean, your majesty.
With my superior
20th century knowledge,
I can easily conquer
them and become their king.
Let the annoying
puppet show begin.
Sire, sire, the peasants
are revolting.
Shhh! You'll hurt
her feelings.
Out of my way,
puppet boy.
Citizens of
the middle ages,
I am a powerful
and really scary wizard.
Who is this guy?
I think he works with
jerry in accounting.
I bring you wonders your
minds cannot begin to grasp.
For example,
the ballpoint
Worship me!
Worship me!
Look, could you
move it along?
My kid's softball
game is at 5:00.
Not crazy about
the pen, huh?
That's ok.
I have other
astounding marvels
This string!
Worship me!
Worship me!
remove him.
You mean you're
not going to make
me your king?
Oh heavens, no.
You got any
other jobs?
Baron? Warlord?
Come on, toss me
an estate.
Well, we could always
use another jester.
No way! I ain't going
to be your little singing,
dancing, laughy boy.
Then we'll have to
cut off your head.
oh, johnny likes
to laugh and sing,
doo-dah, doo-dah
hey, you are such
a handsome king,
all the doo-dah--
Ah, man,
the middle ages stink.
I'm going
to hail a cab.
Help, help!
Hey! It's the frog
chick from the pond!
I'll save you,
frog chick.
I saved you!
Do i get a wish?
You ruined
the whole bit!
Thou hath come
between the black
knight and his prey.
to defend thyself.
Yeah. Whatever.
Look, shouldn't
you be off sacking towns
and pillaging stuff?
Art thou a coward?
No one calls
me a coward.
Spineless mama's
boy i get sometimes,
But never coward.
Then i challenge
thee to a joust!
Oh, we'll joust,
all right.
We'll have the joustiest
joust in all of joust-a-tude
Then you'll say,
"man, that guy can joust."
What's a joust?
So let me get
this straight.
The guy who doesn't
get a lance through his
chest is the winner?
Yes, but the loser
dies a heroic death.
Uh-huh. How about if
we just shoot some hoops?
Let the joust begin.
Uh, sometime today.
You can do
this, johnny.
You just need
to apply the skills
you've learned
During a lifetime
of-- [grunts] whoa!
Better switch
to plan "b".
Please don't
hurt me!
Please don't
hurt me! [cries]
I wasn't going
to hurt you, johnny.
Hey, you should have
those bruises looked at.
It's this the best
renaissance carnival ever?
You mean we're not
in the middle ages?
Middle ages?
[laughs] you're funny.
Hey, have you tried
the sweetbread stand?
They take an actual
sheep pancreas, smother
it in honey and--
Johnny, where are
we going?
Hey, you're not mad
at me, are you?
Johnny: And as for
the rest of you,
Why don't you dweebs
all get real jobs
instead of dressing up
In your grandma's clothes
and walking around saying,
"look at me! I'm a stupid
medieval guy who wears
make-up and juggles."
Hey, let go.
Get you hands off me.
You know, i-i didn't
mean you were dweebs.
I was talking
about those civil war
reenactment nerds, yeah.
This won't end well.
Ah, man, and i just
washed my hair.
And so, with the signing
of this treaty,
Red ants and black ants
can finally live
together in peace.
Yes. No longer need
we waste our lives
in senseless warfare.
[ants scream]
This is
your treachery.
To war!
I will drink from
your exoskeleton!
My plan is working.
Soon the reflection from
these ants will burn
a hole in the sun.
Johnny, johnny,
you got to help me.
Careful kid.
This is a very
delicate situation.
The slightest
wrong move could
ruin everything.
But smelly raymond's
throwing water
balloons at me.
Ah, he probably has
a crush on you.
Shut up.
He does not.
Look kid,
get lost. I'm busy.
Nah, nah.
smelly raymond,
you saved my life.
You know, a guy could
perceive that last
balloon as an insult.
Ok, now that was
no coincidence.
You know,
this means war.
Suzy: Johnny, i think
you're taking this
a little too seriously.
Quiet. I've triangulated
his position.
You make a feint
around to his left
and we'll ambush him!
[sighs] all right.
But do you really
need those night
vision goggles?
Sure. They work especially
well in the daytime.
Ugh! I'm blind!
Ugh, too much light!
Johnny, look out.
Ok. The battle
is yours, raymond.
But it's just one
battle in a huge
battle-ly war-thing,
With lots of other
I've tried to assemble
the finest fighting force
this block has ever seen.
all i could find was you.
Push out that chest.
Suck in that gut.
Give me a dollar.
But i just gave you
a dollar to buy that
girl's swimming medal.
I am colonel
johnny bravo.
And you are 3 sorry
sacks of chicken livers.
What are you, soldier?
A sorry sack of
chicken liver, sir.
Correct. Now it's
my misfortune to train
you sorry creatures.
You will hurt.
You will cry for your mommies.
My mommy's
been to france.
Great. You made me
lose my place, you weed.
Suzy: Something
about chicken livers.
Right. Now let us proceed
to the training course.
And when i am done
you will be men!
Or, well, two men
and a little girl.
I think you know
what i mean.
Johnny: To survive
a water balloon fight,
You must learn
to hit a target.
When i say, "now,"
you will hurl your balloons
at the bull's eye.
Now, i--
No, not now--
Not the "now" that--
Now just hold
on a min--
This may take awhile.
Johnny, this
camouflage will
never work.
The rhododendron
geranium isn't
even native
To this part
of the country.
Shut up.
They'll hear you.
The enemy is everywhere.
And nowhere.
So where is he?
I don't know.
He's somewhere.
Water in the hole.
We're surrounded!
Suzy, circle around
their flank.
Carl, bring up the rear.
I'll scream like a little
girl and duck into hiding.
Ok, this is going well.
You keep it up,
and i'll be in here.
I'm drowning. Help.
Somebody save me.
We stood our ground
as long as we could.
But i think
they captured carl.
They'll probably subject
him to horrible torture
to make him talk.
Don't worry.
He's well trained.
Carl: And we have
75 balloons hidden in
mrs. Johnson's doghouse.
And johnny's going
to attack at 0900 and
our password is "flounder."
[carl yells]
I didn't talk.
They tortured me,
but i said, "no way, jose."
You're still alive.
Now i won't lie to you.
We may have to escape
to the jungle and live there
For the rest of our lives
eating bugs and washing
with mud, so--
Look, johnny.
I think raymond was
only pelting me
With balloons
because he likes me.
And i think i kind
of like him, too.
So, bye.
My mom will yell
at me if i'm late
for dinner. See ya.
You're an idiot.
Oh, running out
on me, heh?
Why, go. I have not
yet begun to fight.
I shall return.
Missed me.
Man: And these are
the prehistoric tar pits
Where dinosaurs
became trapped while
looking for food
And sank to an oozy death.
I suppose when your brain's
the size of a cashew,
You're too stupid to avoid
walking into a lake of
sticky, disgusting tar.
This way, please.
Concentrate, johnny.
Find your center.
More to left.
Oh, too far, too far.
How's this, master hama?
No, no, no.
Hokey weather girl
still all fuzzy.
Ah, come on,
master hama.
Teach me the secrets
of the east.
But even
the 8-year-olds are
Moving past me
in karate class.
Hah, hah!
That is because
you have attention span
of cheese sandwich.
But i know
i'm ready.
I can feel it.
Did you finish
sorting the mail?
Then you are not ready.
All right.
Bills, bills, bills.
Huh? Hey! Master hama,
you may already
be a winner.
Give me that.
Now, go pick up
my dry cleaning.
So, hama,
we meet again.
Pan-ting claw!
You dare show
your face here.
Just a social call.
I've opened up
my own dojo right
on the corner.
Curse you! I tried
to get that location.
The city wouldn't
grant me the zoning.
That is because your
dojo is stinking.
Son of chow dog!
The worst of my students
could beat the best
of your students.
Johnny: Hey, master hama.
I got your hot pastrami
on a kaiser roll.
Student: Hey, look out.
Johnny: Whoa! Whoa! Ooh!.
Hmm. Very well,
hama. Him.
he is not student.
He just hang out here.
I accept.
I will defend
the honor of
my dojo.
We will fight
in one week.
And then we will see
who is the true master.
You leaving or what?
Yes, i'm going. [laughs]
Get up, johnny.
We have much
training to do.
All right, all right.
I'll get the toilet
brush and--huh?
Flower of wisdom
grows best in soil
of untrammeled mind.
What's that mean?
Get off lawn.
I just seeded it.
So when do i get
to bust stuff up with my head?
Come here, johnny.
Clear your mind.
Ok. Ow!
Before physical
technique, you must
learn concentration.
Hey, look. Birdies.
Pay attention.
For first exercise,
you must consider
the pebble.
Ah. Ok.
Good. I'm going
to go take a nap.
See you in 4 hours.
Ah, don't say that.
Chicks dig pebbles.
You're money, baby.
Hey, little fella.
You barely touched
your root beer.
[speaks japanese]
What are you doing?
Hey, hey, master hama.
This pebble's
a stand up guy.
Training you is like
harsh journey through
waterless desert.
What do you mean?
You're an idiot.
Follow me.
Ow, ow, all right,
all right.
Keep your gi on.
Master hama:
The 4 way path
to enlightenment:
Watch, look,
listen and watch.
You said "watch" twice.
You're not
That's amazing!
What focus,
what concentration.
Teach me your ways,
oh scaly one, and i will
be your disciple.
Give me that.
Catching carp
increases hand-eye
You try.
Oh, ugh. I got you,
i got you!
No, johnny. That's
my cable hook-up
Thank you, ernie.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Don't worry,
master hama.
I can take him.
Uh, yeah, sure.
Look, uh, you know
i'm not responsible for
your medical bills, right?
I must concentrate.
I must seek
the weakness in his
defense and--[grunts]
I think his iron-hard
knuckles might be
his weak point.
This is why i only
let you do grunt work.
Grunt work?
Now i see what you've
been trying to teach me.
I must use the skills
i learned doing
Menial chores
to defeat my opponent.
Whatever. Look,
don't bleed on my floor,
i just washed it.
First, i will evade
his blows by using
the movements
Hama taught me
to adjust his
t.V. Antenna.
[martial arts cries]
Next, i will attack
using the mail-sorting
slap of doom.
Finally, i must smother
my foe as a kaiser roll
Smothers a quarter pound
of juicy hot pastrami.
I give! Get your
tremendous bulk off me.
I did it!
Master hama, i won.
You idiot!
I take out second mortgage
to bet against you.
You ruin me.
Pan-ting: So, hama.
It is a wise weasel
who uses bean paste
to catch cobra.
What you mean?
It means i beat
the point spread.
[snaps fingers]
now make with the green.
Come on, students.
Ultra-fine hotdogs
are on claw.
claw laughs]
Well, master hama.
Do i get
my red dragon belt
of death?
No! You get frilly
pink apron of shame.
Go clean toilets.
Ah, gee, pebble.
You're the only one
who understands me.
So did you see me
in the second round?
I really got
him good, didn't i?
Yeah, boy! Oh,
mail slap. Look out!
Johnny: Look out.
[rockabilly playing]
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
Johnny: whoa, mama
A babe.
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