Johnny Bravo (1997) s02e20 Episode Script

1
Baby!
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
Sassy!
Man, i'm pretty.
Do the monkey with me.
Come on.
Hey there, baby.
Yeah, whatever.
Ah, canada.
Famous for
AhAh
Oh, johnny.
Canada's famous
for so many things.
Hockey, back bacon,
hockey,
And my favorite,
free health care.
Aw, momma.
You don't need your
earlobes reduced.
You look pretty
just the way you are.
Wait till you see me
afterward.
I'll look just like
a hollywood starlet.
Wiggy.
Come hold momma's hand
until the anesthetic
kicks in.
Ok, momma.
Hey, a canada lady.
Excuse me. Weren't you
miss october
In last year's chicks
of the frozen tundra
calendar?
Get lost, eh?
I can't help it.
I love a woman in uniform.
Look, i don't have
time for this, eh?
I'm on the lookout
for slimey pierre,
The vilest,
most ruthless
renegade trapper
In all of canada, eh?
Of course.
How stupid of me.
I should've been
coming on to you
In both english
and french.
[speaking
fake french]
I'll tell you what, eh.
Why don't you
walk aimlessly into
the forest for hours
And i'll catch up
with you.
Sweet. I'll
see you soon,
mon cher mommasita.
Ugh! Ooh.
I meant to do that.
What a hoser.
[sniff]
Ahh!
Whoa!
Oh, ow, oh, ow.
He, hah, he!
Aw, man, this stinks.
I've been walking
around for hours.
That mountie chick
must have gotten lost.
I'm hungry. I wonder
if i can live on
old growth forest.
[chomp]
Mmm. Old growthy.
[click, click]
Hey, get your own tree.
[click, click]
Oh, yeah?
You and what army?
[whistling]
Ha ha. This might be
a good time to recount
the touching story
Of how i saved
a beaver's life once.
[click, click]
Oui, my pretty.
There, there.
Doh!
Who is this you bring
before slimey pierre, eh?
Slimey pierre.
You're the guy
that mountie chick
told me about.
Well, no doubt you
have heard about
How i am the most brilliant
criminal genius in all
of canada, huh?
No.
Oh, well, surely you
have heard about my plan
To bring all of
canada to its knees.
You got
a bathroom here?
How i am going to
dam up all the rivers
And make everyone
worship me? Nothing?
Hey, i've got
an idea.
You let me arrest you
So that mountie chick
will go out with me
And i'll give you
a dollar.
Arrest moi?
It is to laugh.
Ha ha ha!
See me laughing
at you? Ha ha ha!
Perhaps you wish
to grovel before
you meet your fate, huh?
No way, you canadian
slimebucket.
We americans
are much too proud
to grovel.
Oh, please don't
hurt me. Please!
Please! Please!
o canada,
our free and blah
blah blah
Soon i will complete
my brilliant plan--
To dam up all
of canada's rivers
And bring
the great white north
to its knees.
Yeah, yeah. You told
me that already.
Oh, right. Ok. Bye.
If i could just
reach the tube
of hair gel
In my pants
pocket
Got it!
Ugh! Uh-oh.
[bam]
ooh!
I'm free. Now to conquer
slimey pierre
And win over that
luscious mountie chick.
And oh, yeah, save canada.
Pierre: Ha ha ha! Finally,
i have dammed the last
river in canada.
And completed my
marvelously evil plan
Which is so evil
and brilliant! Ha ha!
Your damming days are
over, slimey pierre.
Impossible.
How did you win
the loyalty of
my beaver army?
Simple. I promised to
take them to america,
Where beavers roam free,
and people say about
instead of aboot,
And summer lasts more
than a week,
And where they got
real bacon,
Not the stuff
you eat up here,
I mean that's ham,
for crying out loud!
Hey, one of your
wood thingies is
sticking out.
I wouldn't touch that
if i were you.
Missing, eh?
Was he aboot yay big with
blond hair, sunglasses,
And a really
obnoxious attitude?
Sorry, i haven't
seen him.
Johnny,
i was so worried!
Slimey pierre,
you're under arrest.
Huh? Oh.
Take him away, boys.
So i saved canada.
I guess that means
you'll go out with me.
But you also
destroyed the town,
Tried to eat our
old growth forest,
And planned to steal
all our beavers.
You know, 10 grand
is a nice way to
say thank you.
American money,
though. None of
that canadian stuff.
Garcon? More water,
si'l vous plait.
Sacrebleu.
Man: This meeting
of the pensington prep
school board of trustees
Shall come to order.
Gentlemen, pensington
is in a state of crisis.
A new state law demands
that we enroll an oversized
blond dumb guy
To fulfill our quota.
[mumbling]
Not to worry, gentlemen.
I have already found
a boy so stupid, so dim,
There'll be no danger of
his interfering with our
revered tradition.
Fascinating. It says
here that the record
For the most
hard boiled eggs
Stuffed into a single
human face was
set in 1932.
That record falls today!
Johnny, guess what?
You're going back
to school!
Mmm. Yolk-o-licious.
Hey, momma, didn't i
already go to school?
Yes, but you've
been accepted to
the ultra exclusive
Pensington prep school.
This is the one chance
to prove that the bravos
are quality people.
Aw, momma. Most fancy
prep schools
Are filled with uptight
creepy geek boys.
[bawling]
Fine, destroy our last
chance at social advancement.
All right, but if i
end up losing
My down-to-earth
blue collar charm,
Don't come crying to me.
Oh, headmaster,
this is simply the best
orientation tea ever.
Thank you, piggy.
Johnny's here!
Let's make with
the higher learning.
Hey, monkey boy,
take these bags
up to my room.
I beg your pardon.
Yeah, yeah. Look,
here's a nickel.
Now, chop, chop.
Oh, you must be
young mr. Bravo.
Yeah, that's right.
Room 13. Chop, chop.
Indeed. Johnny,
let me introduce you
To 3 of pensington's
finest students.
Hello. You must be
the new boy.
I'm todd. This is
nigel and urquhart.
We call him piggy.
Well, i have
a slow metabolism.
That's ok.
I've got 3 webbed toes.
So, what's it like
being a bunch of rich,
snooty twits?
How droll.
So, did anyone see
yesterday's cricket match?
Farnsworth placed
a splendid googly
'twixt the wickets.
So, you like sports?
I know karate.
Check it out.
Woo! Hoo! Ho! Ha!
Hey, you.
Where's your name tag?
Oh, crashing
the party, huh?
Out you go,
freeloader.
Headmaster,
that brainless oaf
Just ejected pensington's
most illustrious alumnus.
Yes, and broke priceless
pensington china.
And stepped on
my cracking cricket
anecdote.
I'm sorry, boys,
my hands are tied.
The only way
johnny bravo
leaves pensington
Is by his choice.
Hey, look at me.
I'm a tea sucking, loafer
wearing, snooty guy.
Headmaster: This
afternoon's debate topic--
Britain's monarchy,
continue or dissolve?
Our debators
will be piggy blair
and johnny bravo.
Mr. Blair
The monarchy is
england's most
Is not.
Cherished tradition.
Uh-uh.
From the time of
william the conqueror--
From the time of
william the conqueror--
I say, stop that!
I say, stop that!
I'm not doing anything.
I'm not doing anything.
Headmaster, i refuse
to take part in such
a puerile endeavor.
Yes! I win!
In your face, pig boy.
I say, this bravo
fellow has got to go.
But headmaster says
the only way he'll go
Is if he does it of
his own free will.
In that case, we've got
to make this bravo chap
so miserable,
He'll want to leave.
Indeed.
A, e, i, o, pi.
Rats, i'll never learn
cyrillic at his rate.
Hello, johnny.
Having trouble with
your latin grammar?
Hey, you're those
pasty annoying kids.
Quite. And we've decided
that you're classic
pensington material.
Great! So that means
you'll lend me money?
Well, we had
something else in mind.
How'd you like to
really endear yourself
To the latin teacher?
I'm in!
Hear me now, human dogs!
I, johnny of the vandals,
shall now have my way with you.
Are you sure this will
make everyone like me?
Absolutely. Reenacting
the sack of rome
Is a time-honored
pensington tradition.
Ok, if you say so.
Cowabunga!
Your goods and cattle
are mine!
Teacher: What are you doing?!
[crying]
Johnny, to uphold
the honor of pensington,
You must reveal who
put you up to this
childish prank.
Now i know you'll feel
a certain loyalty toward
your friends, but
It was them.
They made me do it!
It was their idea!
Nigel! Todd! Piggy!
I'm shocked.
Oh, yeah. Now
you're gonna get it.
Shocked that you, mr. Bravo,
could snitch on your fellow
pensingtonians.
That's right, headmaster.
He's violated pensington's
unwritten law.
He must be paddled.
Ah, yes, paddling.
Paddling.
Quite right.
Mr. Bravo,
assume the position.
All right.
Hey, this isn't
gonna hurt, is it?
Not so fast!
I'm proud of my boy
for telling the truth.
The only ones who are
getting paddled are you,
You uptight,
pencil-necked phonies!
That's right. Go for
the record, momma.
Go for the record!
Oh, ow!
Good heavens!
Oh my! Ow!
I love higher learning.
Man: Thus, we see how man
has evolved to realize
His ultimate modern potential.
Hiya! Ho! Ha!
Hey, how come
he gets a banana?
Mmm. Banana.
Timmy, i'm afraid
with these grades,
Not even your
kickboxing collie
Can help you get into
a good trade school.
[whistling]
Get him, lady.
[grrr]
No! What happened?
I've never missed an episode
of lady, the kickboxing collie.
Oh, dear, sweetie.
Did you mail
the cable bill i gave you?
Hmmm.
Mmm-mmm.
Invoicy.
Uh, yes.
I don't believe you.
You'll have to go
down to the cable office
And pay the bill in person.
Johnny!
Huh? Oh, right.
Pay the bill.
There it is--megalithic
cable corporation.
Ah, man, that's 3 blocks away.
Hey, mcc. Must be a conveniently
located branch office.
[phone ringing]
Max's cloning clinic,
how can i help you?
Ah, you saw the ad.
Yes, i clone you and make
millions of dollars off
the replicants.
Oh, yes. It's very painful.
[dial tone]
hello? Hello?
Drat! I'm all ready
to begin cloning,
But where am i going
to find a dumb oaf
Who's stupid enough
to submit to the process?
Here's my 12 bucks.
Turn my cable back on.
Uh, this is the cable
company, isn't it?
Ja, ja, it is.
Step right up onto
the gene splicer
And i will process
your order.
Gene splicer?
Momma didn't mention
anything about any
Hey, cable guy, what the heck
are you trying to do to me?
Congratulations.
You now have pay-per-view.
Sweet! Ha! Wednesday
night is monkey boxing
from rio!
Hmm. Bit of a doofus.
I better add a pinch of
vitamin b for people skills.
[zap]
And let the cloning begin!
Clear the evening, momma.
We're cable ready.
Oh, my goodness.
Who are you?
I made these cookies
especially for you,
mother dearest.
Here. Let me put this
nice comfy pillow
under your bunions.
Oh, thank you,
johnny, darling.
Momma,
that ain't me.
I'm me!
Well, i think i know
my own son, don't i?
Ignore him, johnny, dear.
Now read me that lovely poem
you wrote for me again.
I love to please my momma,
and show her that i care.
Sometimes i pick her posies,
and wear them in my hair.
All right.
That's enough!
Look, i don't know
who you are or how
you got so pretty,
But there's only room for
one johnny around here.
How dare you touch my
darling, sweet son!
Get out of my house,
you hooligan!
Oh, man! Thrown out
of my own house.
Let's see.
Who else has cable?
Yes?
Carl, let me stay
at your house.
You can sleep in
the garage.
Johnny? But how can you
be standing on my doorstep
When you're 10 feet behind
me mounting specimens?
Oh, carl,
bestest of buddies,
I finished stuffing
this hexapopi sylipsi.
And look--the egg sac's
still intact.
Excellent, old chum.
We're sure to win
the science fair now.
He's like me,
only he doesn't think
you're a goofy,
Wax-eared,
hammer-toed dork!
Good grief, it's 4:00!
We'd better hurry or we'll
be late for disco karaoke.
Ooh! I'll go get
my platform shoes.
Excuse us, johnny.
This is horrible!
There's a bunch of me's
walking around.
It's like an invasion
from a really handsome
parallel universe.
What if they start
buying up all of the size
14 eee shoes i like?
I've got to get help!
And that's
the whole story.
Won't you help me,
pops?
You're darn right
i'll help you, johnny.
What's this country
coming to when replicants
can just waltz into town
And take over
a person's identity?
Gimme a cup of chili.
Burger and root beer,
pops.
Yeah, that sounds good.
I'll have the chili, too.
Loose meat, please.
How's the salami today?
Lemme get some
chili fries.
Excuse me, son.
It's getting a little busy.
But, pops, you said
you'd help me.
Sorry, johnny.
A dollar's a dollar.
Ok. Who had
the loose meat?
Ahhh!
Lady, run for your life!
Ahh!
Gimme a dollar.
Ahh!
Officer,
you gotta help me.
Ahh!
Hey, they're all coming
from the cable office.
You fiend!
Ah, so you discovered
that i used your dna
To make 10,000
replicants
Who will make me rich
when i hire them out
To do heavy lifting.
No, actually,
i was wondering why
I never got
the animal channel.
It's part of my basic
package, you know.
Aha! My guess
was correct!
And we are just in time
to put a stop
To your nefarious plan.
I don't know, carl.
The clones are awfully sweet.
How can you say that?
Sure the johnny clones
are smarter, nicer,
Cleaner, wittier,
and more loyal,
But isn't it the real
johnny we love?
Right. Well, keep up
the good work, doc!
Ah, the heck with all of you.
I'm gonna watch chimp patrol
on channel 280.
No, you fool!
Don't touch those controls.
[sizzling]
SoI'll just put that
on your tabs, then.
Oh, thank heavens those
nasty clones are gone
And i finally got
my johnny back.
At least i think
it's my johnny.
Momma, a little help?
I got my head stuck in
the pickle jar again.
Oh, johnny.
It is you.
Momma, i'm running
out of air!
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
Captioned by the national