Johnny Bravo (1997) s02e21 Episode Script
Loch Ness Johnny/Den Mother Johnny/Quo Doofus
1
1, 2, three, huh!
Baby!
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
Sassy!
Man, i'm pretty!
Do the monkey with me.
Come on!
Hey there, baby.
Yeah, whatever.
[bagpipe music]
Oh, scotland.
The birthplace
of clan bravo.
The smell of the heather
as it wafts over
the hebrides
Runs deep
in the bravo blood.
But, mama, i thought
you said we were polish.
Oh, that was just to get
us into blintz night
at the vfw hall.
Now, i'm going to look up
your great-aunt fiona.
You go mingle and enjoy
the local color, my boy!
All right, mama!
Haggis, get your haggis!
Get it while it's oily
and filled with lumps.
I'll take some haggis.
Are ye daft, man.
You got to
let it breathe.
Here, try the sample
before i kick
your teeth in.
Well?
Uum, um,
um, um, uum.
What a delightful
concoction of--
Say, what's this stuff
made of anyway?
"what's it made of,"
he asks?
What's in a haggis?
If you were to go inside
some haggis, what would
you find there?
Look, forget
i asked.
Just give me
a pound.
Done.
Thanks.
Now to go and eat it
by the pretty lake.
By the lake?
Ah, come on.
Do you mean to say
that you are going
to have a picnic
By the dreaded shores
of the loch ness itself?
Anything wrong
with that?
No, nothing.
If you survive
Heh, heh, heh, heh.
It's a tasty treat.
And i hope it
doesn't gag us.
Look out stomach,
here comes the haggis!
Now, how the heck
do you eat it?
I guess i'll start by
gnawing on the sack.
Ooh!
[growls]
Noo!
Hey,
that's my lunch,
You long-necked,
picnic-crashing
freak of nature!
Ooh!
Ow!
Oh, you are in for it now,
you overgrown sea monkey!
No one steals
johnny's haggis!
Today, this
experimental sub
will uncover the truth
Behind the
loch ness monster.
Excuse me,
national emergency,
coming through.
Heh, heh, heh.
Submerging.
My haggis.
[roars]
[screams]
Forget it, ugly.
Johnny's got you outclassed
in brain power. Ow.
Tell you what,
find the haggis,
and you can keep it.
Find the pretty lady,
Find the pretty lady.
Fine, you want to
try for 2 out of 3?
Winner--the pretty lady.
Show me the pretty lady.
No-one walks away a loser.
Hey, ha!
How about 17 out of 192?
[growls]
Don't worry,
my delicious friend.
Johnny will save you.
[screams]
Prehistoric reptiles
are suckers for haunting
renditions of danny boy.
[growls]
[roars]
Gangway,
crazy dinosaur coming--
Do your worst,
beastie.
We'll fight 'till
our dying breath--
[alarm goes off]
Whoopsies, time to
reapply our makeup.
You'll never get
my haggis!
Of course,
it's a good size.
It could easily
feed two.
[growl]
You got to help me!
She wants my haggis.
Hey, i don't blame you
for giving battle.
The stomach, liver,
and lungs of a sheep
Mixed with suet and
seasonings is well worth
fighting for.
P.U.! You mean to tell me
i was about to eat
A disgusting sack
of animal parts?
Oh, stop. You're making
my mouth water.
Yo, nessie.
Knock yourself out!
[burps]
I think
she likes you, lad.
No, really.
That's ok.
You can go back
to the lake now,
i'm serious.
Goodbye, fiona.
And thanks for
the plaids of borgos.
Dong. Oh, oh, oh my.
Oh, oh dear.
Oh, johnny!
Uh, mama,
You know how you always said
i could have a cat
Ah!
Nothing displays the beauty
and majesty of nature
like a simple flower.
Um!
Photosynthesisy
Here, mama.
Happy birthday!
Johnny,
my birthday was
three months ago.
Ah, well then, happy
take-your-chimp-to-work day.
That doesn't
exist, dear.
Well, today must be
some sort of special day.
Um, let's see
Well, it is four years
ago today that i had
my neck flap reduction.
Happy neck-flap-reduction day,
mama.
Thank you, darling.
You're so sweet.
Oh, merciful heavens.
[gasping for air]
Mama, what's happening?
You're pumping up
and turning purple.
So, what time's dinner?
I'm sorry, mama.
I didn't know you were
allergic to schmutzweed.
Johnny, while i'm in bed
you're the man of the house.
Wiggy.
Can i play with
the power tools?
No.
[gasps]
we're buttercups girls
so sweet and true
and always wear a smile
we're good deed doers
the whole day through
we're free of hate and bile
Oh, good grief.
I forgot.
Today's my turn to be
den mother to suzy's
buttercup troop.
Don't worry, mama.
We can just hide
in the crawlspace
till they go away.
No, johnny.
Today's youth
needs our guidance.
I'm afraid you're
going to have to take
my place as den mother.
Never.
Then you can spend
the day turning me
to prevent bed sores.
All right. Look,
mama's sick today,
So i'm in charge
of you delinquents.
Now, drop and give me forty.
Go, go, go!
Johnny,if you're gonna be
a den mother, you have to
wear the uniform.
That ain't gonna happen.
Mrs. Bravo, johnny won't
wear the uniform.
Put it on, johnny!
Oh, mama!
Ok, i know you are
all laughing of
my pretty bonnet,
So let's get this over with.
I brought these
lumps of coal for you
to squeeze into diamonds.
Now, get busy!
And i don't
want to hear any:
"ouch, the sharp edges
make my hands hurt."
Johnny, this isn't what
we do at these meetings.
It's not?
Then what the heck
do you do?
Well, sometimes we raise
money for charity.
All right,then go
and have one of them
yard sale thingies.
But, johnny.
What are going to sell?
[snoring]
[trumpet playing]
Ooh!
Noo!
Oh, umph, no.
Get your hands off
of me,
You darn, dirty ape!
Agh, uh.
Johnny.
Johnny, wake up.
Unhand me, i say.
Aah! Law-giver!
Ow.
Look, johnny.
We raised over $16
At the yard sale
you suggested.
Cool.
Gimme me that.
Charity begins with johnny.
That's fair.
After all,
Your squint ringo
memorabilia was
our hottest seller.
Oh well, glad
i could help out.
Noo!
[ding-dong]
Look, kid.
I believe that's
my squint ringo doll
with kung fu action?
No-ah. It's mine.
I paid 3 bucks
for it.
Look, son.
Don't make me assert
my authority as an adult.
Now, hand it over.
Ow. I'm going to assume
you did that by accident.
Ok, now i'm
getting angry.
Did you get your
stuff back, johnny?
I don't want to
talk about it.
Isn't it time for
you girls to go home?
No, johnny.
Mrs. Bravo always
takes us on a fun
outdoorsy field trip.
Oh yeah?
Why don't you go
take a long walk off a--
Johnny!
Yes, mama.
Ok, here we are.
You kids go play.
But, johnny, this is
a construction site
No.
Think of it as a really
fun amusement park.
Ha, ha.
Now, go play on
the bumper cranes
Or on those really
fun wrecking balls.
But johnny
[snores]
oh, yeah.
And the nobel price
in physics goes to:
Doctor johnny bravo.
Thank you very much.
Hoo, ha!
You know they laughed
when i said a single spud
Could cover an entire nation--
Oh, no.
It's going critical.
Man on p.A.: Please clear
the blast area.
Building destruction
commences in 15 seconds.
Blast area?
Oh, no.
Where are the girls?
They must be playing
inside that building.
Hang on, girls.
Johnny will save you!
Suzy, would you like
to push the plunger?
Thank you, mr. Foreman.
[kaboom]
Thanks, alexis.
Why don't you tell
our contestants
what they won?
Ow.
Aah!
Oh, hi, mrs. Bravo.
Girls, girls.
How was your day?
Did you make lots
of pretty arts
and crafts projects?
Uh-huh.
Johnny!
I don't what hurts more,
My pride or
my fractured tibia.
Here's your
i.D. Bracelet.
Here's a compass
in case you get lost.
Mama!
I'm just going next door
to borrow a cup of sugar.
Mrs. Crowman?
Open up!
It's me
Johnny.
Ah, doctor debbie,
kung fu medicine woman.
Fish incarnate,
Hands of healing,
Great scuff,
My pizza sense's
tingling.
Spinky, no wait!
Argh.
Ow, no, ow, ow.
Ribs cracking.
Flesh lacerating.
Kids, don't try
this at home.
Uuh!
Oh, mama!
Ow.
Hi, johnny!
Want some gauze to stop
the hemorrhaging?
Leave me alone,
geek boy.
I'm suffering from
pizza deprivation.
Ok.
Hey, look what
i just bought.
An actual prop from
the trip mccoy
galaxy boy show.
It's the time portal
from episode 236:
"the day the earth
hiccuped."
Oh, get a life, weed.
Go ahead,
go through it,
it's not real.
Oops.
Hey, quit pushing me
around, you dweeb.
The name's not dweeb.
I am spartacus.
I am spartacus.
Everybody: I am spartacus.
Shut up!
I am spartacus.
Young person: I'm spartacus.
HmmThere's something weird
going on around here.
Holy!
Carl's time machine
must have really worked.
I'm in colonial america!
[fanfare]
Make way for caesar's
triumphant entry into rome.
I can't wait to meet
ben franklin and see
his cotton gin.
Hi, ha, ho!
Ooh!
Ow.
Uh-oh.
Rome.
Birthplace of
republican government,
And really gooey pizza.
Oomph!
Hey look, they got
a spinky's here.
Sweet.
Caesar, thou doth seek
to dissolve the republic,
and proclaim myself emperor.
What's up
with that?
Does brutus
dare question
the imperial throne?
Prepare to meet
the tyrant's fate.
Hey, waiter.
Give me a large pepperoni,
No anchovy.
Oh.
An ancient
roman eggbeater.
Hu, ho, ha!
Ah.
He did it.
You have been sent
by the gods to save
caesar's life.
Yeah, whatever.
Listen, can i get that
large pepperoni to go?
[laughing]
You amuse caesar,
young hero.
You shall be
the guest of honor
At my coronation
banquet tonight.
Casual dress,
bring a pal.
Beach party,
roman style.
Hu!
Wiggy.
[people chatting]
More sun-dried dove beaks,
scion of jupiter?
Yeah, that
sounds great.
Could you put it
on a pile of some
tomato and cheese
And hold
the stinking dove beaks!
What troubles
you, young hero?
Well, caesar.
It's like this, ok.
Oh, look.
The plate-spinners
of fridgia.
I love these guys.
All right,
Carnival games.
I'm great at these.
He, ha, ho.
[fanfare]
Announcing the
empress calpurnia.
Caesar.
Don't mind if i do.
Hey, togalicious
On a scale
of one to ten,
you're an x.
Oh!
Sir, that's
the empress,
My wife.
What?
I didn't touch her.
In fact she's kind of ugly,
not my type at all.
Guards, seize him!
Seize him, seize her,
why don't you just
make up your mind?
Take him
to the arena.
What, more entertainment?
Hey, you romans really
know how to party.
[cheers]
Oomph!
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
You know i always thought
you ancient romans were
A bunch of fig-eating,
grape juice-swilling yahoos.
But now that you are about
to proclaim me a god,
I realize you're
not really fig-eating.
[growls]
Ooh!
[panting]
[gasping]
Good, kitty. Nice kitty.
LookString.
[growls]
Ow! Ow.
Oh, what's the
matter, little puss?
Did you step on
a nasty old thorn?
Here, let me
help you.
Awww!
How sweet
Finish him!
[growls]
See that!
He's my friend now,
And we refuse to fight
for your amusement.
Ok now, that was
partly your fault.
[kaboom]
Mount vesuvius
is exploding.
What are the odds?
[screaming]
Ah, you big sissies.
What are you afraid of?
A little hot lava?
Lava?
[screams]
Johnny,
what happened?
You were only gone
for a second.
Oh, i run into
a bunch of geeks
in bathrobes,
And the worst part is
i never got my pizza.
Pizza!
Johnny!
Noo
Oh, i hate lunch time.
Look out.
He-huh!
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
Captioned by the national
A babe!
Mercy!
Whatever.
1, 2, three, huh!
Baby!
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
Sassy!
Man, i'm pretty!
Do the monkey with me.
Come on!
Hey there, baby.
Yeah, whatever.
[bagpipe music]
Oh, scotland.
The birthplace
of clan bravo.
The smell of the heather
as it wafts over
the hebrides
Runs deep
in the bravo blood.
But, mama, i thought
you said we were polish.
Oh, that was just to get
us into blintz night
at the vfw hall.
Now, i'm going to look up
your great-aunt fiona.
You go mingle and enjoy
the local color, my boy!
All right, mama!
Haggis, get your haggis!
Get it while it's oily
and filled with lumps.
I'll take some haggis.
Are ye daft, man.
You got to
let it breathe.
Here, try the sample
before i kick
your teeth in.
Well?
Uum, um,
um, um, uum.
What a delightful
concoction of--
Say, what's this stuff
made of anyway?
"what's it made of,"
he asks?
What's in a haggis?
If you were to go inside
some haggis, what would
you find there?
Look, forget
i asked.
Just give me
a pound.
Done.
Thanks.
Now to go and eat it
by the pretty lake.
By the lake?
Ah, come on.
Do you mean to say
that you are going
to have a picnic
By the dreaded shores
of the loch ness itself?
Anything wrong
with that?
No, nothing.
If you survive
Heh, heh, heh, heh.
It's a tasty treat.
And i hope it
doesn't gag us.
Look out stomach,
here comes the haggis!
Now, how the heck
do you eat it?
I guess i'll start by
gnawing on the sack.
Ooh!
[growls]
Noo!
Hey,
that's my lunch,
You long-necked,
picnic-crashing
freak of nature!
Ooh!
Ow!
Oh, you are in for it now,
you overgrown sea monkey!
No one steals
johnny's haggis!
Today, this
experimental sub
will uncover the truth
Behind the
loch ness monster.
Excuse me,
national emergency,
coming through.
Heh, heh, heh.
Submerging.
My haggis.
[roars]
[screams]
Forget it, ugly.
Johnny's got you outclassed
in brain power. Ow.
Tell you what,
find the haggis,
and you can keep it.
Find the pretty lady,
Find the pretty lady.
Fine, you want to
try for 2 out of 3?
Winner--the pretty lady.
Show me the pretty lady.
No-one walks away a loser.
Hey, ha!
How about 17 out of 192?
[growls]
Don't worry,
my delicious friend.
Johnny will save you.
[screams]
Prehistoric reptiles
are suckers for haunting
renditions of danny boy.
[growls]
[roars]
Gangway,
crazy dinosaur coming--
Do your worst,
beastie.
We'll fight 'till
our dying breath--
[alarm goes off]
Whoopsies, time to
reapply our makeup.
You'll never get
my haggis!
Of course,
it's a good size.
It could easily
feed two.
[growl]
You got to help me!
She wants my haggis.
Hey, i don't blame you
for giving battle.
The stomach, liver,
and lungs of a sheep
Mixed with suet and
seasonings is well worth
fighting for.
P.U.! You mean to tell me
i was about to eat
A disgusting sack
of animal parts?
Oh, stop. You're making
my mouth water.
Yo, nessie.
Knock yourself out!
[burps]
I think
she likes you, lad.
No, really.
That's ok.
You can go back
to the lake now,
i'm serious.
Goodbye, fiona.
And thanks for
the plaids of borgos.
Dong. Oh, oh, oh my.
Oh, oh dear.
Oh, johnny!
Uh, mama,
You know how you always said
i could have a cat
Ah!
Nothing displays the beauty
and majesty of nature
like a simple flower.
Um!
Photosynthesisy
Here, mama.
Happy birthday!
Johnny,
my birthday was
three months ago.
Ah, well then, happy
take-your-chimp-to-work day.
That doesn't
exist, dear.
Well, today must be
some sort of special day.
Um, let's see
Well, it is four years
ago today that i had
my neck flap reduction.
Happy neck-flap-reduction day,
mama.
Thank you, darling.
You're so sweet.
Oh, merciful heavens.
[gasping for air]
Mama, what's happening?
You're pumping up
and turning purple.
So, what time's dinner?
I'm sorry, mama.
I didn't know you were
allergic to schmutzweed.
Johnny, while i'm in bed
you're the man of the house.
Wiggy.
Can i play with
the power tools?
No.
[gasps]
we're buttercups girls
so sweet and true
and always wear a smile
we're good deed doers
the whole day through
we're free of hate and bile
Oh, good grief.
I forgot.
Today's my turn to be
den mother to suzy's
buttercup troop.
Don't worry, mama.
We can just hide
in the crawlspace
till they go away.
No, johnny.
Today's youth
needs our guidance.
I'm afraid you're
going to have to take
my place as den mother.
Never.
Then you can spend
the day turning me
to prevent bed sores.
All right. Look,
mama's sick today,
So i'm in charge
of you delinquents.
Now, drop and give me forty.
Go, go, go!
Johnny,if you're gonna be
a den mother, you have to
wear the uniform.
That ain't gonna happen.
Mrs. Bravo, johnny won't
wear the uniform.
Put it on, johnny!
Oh, mama!
Ok, i know you are
all laughing of
my pretty bonnet,
So let's get this over with.
I brought these
lumps of coal for you
to squeeze into diamonds.
Now, get busy!
And i don't
want to hear any:
"ouch, the sharp edges
make my hands hurt."
Johnny, this isn't what
we do at these meetings.
It's not?
Then what the heck
do you do?
Well, sometimes we raise
money for charity.
All right,then go
and have one of them
yard sale thingies.
But, johnny.
What are going to sell?
[snoring]
[trumpet playing]
Ooh!
Noo!
Oh, umph, no.
Get your hands off
of me,
You darn, dirty ape!
Agh, uh.
Johnny.
Johnny, wake up.
Unhand me, i say.
Aah! Law-giver!
Ow.
Look, johnny.
We raised over $16
At the yard sale
you suggested.
Cool.
Gimme me that.
Charity begins with johnny.
That's fair.
After all,
Your squint ringo
memorabilia was
our hottest seller.
Oh well, glad
i could help out.
Noo!
[ding-dong]
Look, kid.
I believe that's
my squint ringo doll
with kung fu action?
No-ah. It's mine.
I paid 3 bucks
for it.
Look, son.
Don't make me assert
my authority as an adult.
Now, hand it over.
Ow. I'm going to assume
you did that by accident.
Ok, now i'm
getting angry.
Did you get your
stuff back, johnny?
I don't want to
talk about it.
Isn't it time for
you girls to go home?
No, johnny.
Mrs. Bravo always
takes us on a fun
outdoorsy field trip.
Oh yeah?
Why don't you go
take a long walk off a--
Johnny!
Yes, mama.
Ok, here we are.
You kids go play.
But, johnny, this is
a construction site
No.
Think of it as a really
fun amusement park.
Ha, ha.
Now, go play on
the bumper cranes
Or on those really
fun wrecking balls.
But johnny
[snores]
oh, yeah.
And the nobel price
in physics goes to:
Doctor johnny bravo.
Thank you very much.
Hoo, ha!
You know they laughed
when i said a single spud
Could cover an entire nation--
Oh, no.
It's going critical.
Man on p.A.: Please clear
the blast area.
Building destruction
commences in 15 seconds.
Blast area?
Oh, no.
Where are the girls?
They must be playing
inside that building.
Hang on, girls.
Johnny will save you!
Suzy, would you like
to push the plunger?
Thank you, mr. Foreman.
[kaboom]
Thanks, alexis.
Why don't you tell
our contestants
what they won?
Ow.
Aah!
Oh, hi, mrs. Bravo.
Girls, girls.
How was your day?
Did you make lots
of pretty arts
and crafts projects?
Uh-huh.
Johnny!
I don't what hurts more,
My pride or
my fractured tibia.
Here's your
i.D. Bracelet.
Here's a compass
in case you get lost.
Mama!
I'm just going next door
to borrow a cup of sugar.
Mrs. Crowman?
Open up!
It's me
Johnny.
Ah, doctor debbie,
kung fu medicine woman.
Fish incarnate,
Hands of healing,
Great scuff,
My pizza sense's
tingling.
Spinky, no wait!
Argh.
Ow, no, ow, ow.
Ribs cracking.
Flesh lacerating.
Kids, don't try
this at home.
Uuh!
Oh, mama!
Ow.
Hi, johnny!
Want some gauze to stop
the hemorrhaging?
Leave me alone,
geek boy.
I'm suffering from
pizza deprivation.
Ok.
Hey, look what
i just bought.
An actual prop from
the trip mccoy
galaxy boy show.
It's the time portal
from episode 236:
"the day the earth
hiccuped."
Oh, get a life, weed.
Go ahead,
go through it,
it's not real.
Oops.
Hey, quit pushing me
around, you dweeb.
The name's not dweeb.
I am spartacus.
I am spartacus.
Everybody: I am spartacus.
Shut up!
I am spartacus.
Young person: I'm spartacus.
HmmThere's something weird
going on around here.
Holy!
Carl's time machine
must have really worked.
I'm in colonial america!
[fanfare]
Make way for caesar's
triumphant entry into rome.
I can't wait to meet
ben franklin and see
his cotton gin.
Hi, ha, ho!
Ooh!
Ow.
Uh-oh.
Rome.
Birthplace of
republican government,
And really gooey pizza.
Oomph!
Hey look, they got
a spinky's here.
Sweet.
Caesar, thou doth seek
to dissolve the republic,
and proclaim myself emperor.
What's up
with that?
Does brutus
dare question
the imperial throne?
Prepare to meet
the tyrant's fate.
Hey, waiter.
Give me a large pepperoni,
No anchovy.
Oh.
An ancient
roman eggbeater.
Hu, ho, ha!
Ah.
He did it.
You have been sent
by the gods to save
caesar's life.
Yeah, whatever.
Listen, can i get that
large pepperoni to go?
[laughing]
You amuse caesar,
young hero.
You shall be
the guest of honor
At my coronation
banquet tonight.
Casual dress,
bring a pal.
Beach party,
roman style.
Hu!
Wiggy.
[people chatting]
More sun-dried dove beaks,
scion of jupiter?
Yeah, that
sounds great.
Could you put it
on a pile of some
tomato and cheese
And hold
the stinking dove beaks!
What troubles
you, young hero?
Well, caesar.
It's like this, ok.
Oh, look.
The plate-spinners
of fridgia.
I love these guys.
All right,
Carnival games.
I'm great at these.
He, ha, ho.
[fanfare]
Announcing the
empress calpurnia.
Caesar.
Don't mind if i do.
Hey, togalicious
On a scale
of one to ten,
you're an x.
Oh!
Sir, that's
the empress,
My wife.
What?
I didn't touch her.
In fact she's kind of ugly,
not my type at all.
Guards, seize him!
Seize him, seize her,
why don't you just
make up your mind?
Take him
to the arena.
What, more entertainment?
Hey, you romans really
know how to party.
[cheers]
Oomph!
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
You know i always thought
you ancient romans were
A bunch of fig-eating,
grape juice-swilling yahoos.
But now that you are about
to proclaim me a god,
I realize you're
not really fig-eating.
[growls]
Ooh!
[panting]
[gasping]
Good, kitty. Nice kitty.
LookString.
[growls]
Ow! Ow.
Oh, what's the
matter, little puss?
Did you step on
a nasty old thorn?
Here, let me
help you.
Awww!
How sweet
Finish him!
[growls]
See that!
He's my friend now,
And we refuse to fight
for your amusement.
Ok now, that was
partly your fault.
[kaboom]
Mount vesuvius
is exploding.
What are the odds?
[screaming]
Ah, you big sissies.
What are you afraid of?
A little hot lava?
Lava?
[screams]
Johnny,
what happened?
You were only gone
for a second.
Oh, i run into
a bunch of geeks
in bathrobes,
And the worst part is
i never got my pizza.
Pizza!
Johnny!
Noo
Oh, i hate lunch time.
Look out.
He-huh!
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
Captioned by the national
A babe!
Mercy!
Whatever.