Johnny Bravo (1997) s02e22 Episode Script

1
1-2-3, oh!
Baby!
Sassy!
Man, i'm pretty!
Hi, ha, ho.
Do the monkey with me.
Come on!
Hey there, baby.
Oh, ow!
Yeah, whatever.
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S.Department of education
Mmm!
Pruney flakes.
A great taste of shriveled
fruit with flakes.
Johnny! Eat like
a human being!
Um
Johnny, if you don't chew
each bite 54 times,
You're liable to get
a blood clot.
Oooh.
[slurping]
Mmm.
Riboflavony.
Don't you realize
that eating that fast
Can give a boy a nasty case of--
[hiccups]
Merciful mothballs,
it's happening!
Don't move, darling.
Mama will save you!
[violent hiccuping]
Mama!
I read about
this remedy
In smothering parent
magazine.
[bubbling noises]
[swallows, gasps]
Better?
[hiccups]
Oh, mama. What am i
gonna [hiccup] do?
Oh, don't worry, sweetie.
Mama's here.
Hush. Oh, hush.
Oh
Earthquake!
[screams]
Duck and cover.
Assume crash positions.
Stop, drop, and roll.
Sorry, sweetie.
I was just trying
To scare away
your hiccups.
[hiccups]
Ok, now you are
becoming annoying.
Here's my insurance card,
Go see a specialist
at the clinic.
But mama
[hiccups]
Blah-blah-blah-blah.
I can't hear you.
Blah-blah-blah-blah
[hiccups]
Hey, what's this?
Mr. Bravo?
[explodes]
[hiccups]
You must be
the foxy nurse.
[hiccups]
I'm the doctor, fathead.
Well, dr. Fathead,
i've got a bad case
of the--
[multiple hiccups]
Oh!
A guttural obfuscation brought
on by gastrointestinal stress?
No, i mean the hiccups.
Where did you get
your degree?
[hiccups]
Let's take a look at
your x-rays.
Johnny: The gerbil controls
the left side of my body.
And the monkey handles
my people skills.
Hmm. Right.
Frankly, johnny,
hiccups usually go away
on their own,
But if it's serious,
You can come back
this afternoon
For a more thorough
examination.
Oh, it's a serious case,
all right.
Very serious.
So i'll see you later
for a date--
Uh, appointment?
[hiccups]
Karate instructor:
Total concentration.
Achieve absolute clearness of--
[johnny hiccups]
Absolute clearness of--
[hiccups]
Johnny!
Sorry, master hamma,
I-i got a bad case
of the hiccups.
If you sick,
Why you come to class?
Well, you see--
[hiccups]
I don't want to hear it.
Come with me!
Oh, ow.
I give you
ancient family
Acupuncture cure
for hiccups.
No, master hamma,
you don't understand.
I want to keep my--
[hiccups]
Hammas' style
of acupuncture,
Slightly different from
traditional method.
In stead of hundreds
of tiny needles, i use--
One big one!
[screams]
Hmm. Insurance must not
cover holistic healing.
[hiccups]
[loud, piercing noise]
[screams]
Hi johnny!
What do you think
you're doing,
You ribbon-wearing
she-witch?
I'm trying to scare away
your hiccups.
Mrs. Bravo told me
about your problem,
So i thought i'd
try to cure you.
You, cure me?
Ha, ha, ha.
That's a laugh.
Hey, wait a minute.
I'm not hiccuping anymore.
No need to thank me, johnny.
Thank you?
Now i'll never get
a date with dr. Fathead.
But i thought--
Later little girl.
I got to get
my hiccups back.
Come on, hiccups!
[burps]
[hiccups]
Hey, all right!
I got my [hiccups]
hiccups back.
Uh-huh?
Hey pops,
[hiccups]
What's with the goofy outfit?
Heard all about
your problem, johnny.
But don't worry.
These hiccup cures
been in my family
for generations.
No, pops. You don't understand.
I-i want to keep my--
[screams]
[hiccups]
[screams]
Oh no, wait.
This cure isn't
for hiccups.
It's for massive
cardiac infarctions.
The family cure
for hiccups
Is a gentle flick
across the nose.
Ow!
My hiccups.
I can't feel my hiccups.
Oh, they're gone,
all right.
And to keep you
from eating too fast
in the future,
I've whipped up
this nifty little
dental device.
[screams]
la-la-la-la-la
Carl, let me borrow
your groceries.
Gee, johnny.
I didn't know you were such
a big fan of slug kibble?
Slug kibble?
Carl: I'm just coming from
the garden supply store.
Would you like some fish
emulsifier to wash it down?
Why, you little--
[hiccups]
Hey, i got
my hiccups back.
Oh, i know a cure
for hiccups.
Hold your breath,
stand on your head,
And hum the ecuadorian
national anthem
While i count
backwards from 90.
Oow!
[screams]
Now, to get home and hide
until my doctor's appointment.
So, dr. Fathead,
I've still got
my hiccups.
So i guess you will be
wanting to
Examine me now?
That's right, johnny.
And because your case
is so serious,
I'll have to take some
extraordinary measures.
Wo-o-ow, mama!
Johnny: Oh, yeah.
[screams]
Yeah, that's my patented
scare cure for hiccups.
Go ahead, say something.
I am sickened
and dismayed.
Hey, my hiccups
are gone!
Works every time!
So, i'll just bill
your insurance then.
Hey baby.
Why don't you lose
old dr. Fathead
And go out with me
this saturday night?
I'll treat you right.
No-ho!
No wonder people
are losing faith
In our health care system.
Oomph!
So, i'll call you!
Hey, sonny, can you
help me out here?
What's up, old-timer?
I'm trying to warn swimmers
About the dangerous rip tides.
No problem.
It was on the u.S.S. Rehaken,
Oh, one saw the rip
tide's coming.
400 men went into the drink.
Nine come out.
No kidding.
Were you all in
that boat?
No, but i saw
a program about it on
the discovery channel.
Wiggy!
Why, i'm going to go
swimming now.
farewell-la-la-do-e
ye fair spanish ladies
[noises of pleasure]
Ooh, watery.
[screams]
[banging]
Help!
Oomph!
[screams]
Owrr.
[explosion]
[screams]
Poof!
[gurgling]
Uh!
[dolphins chattering]
Hey, you guys know
where i can catch a taxi
around here?
[ship's horn]
Wow-ow!
So you see the undersea world
Is a vibrant tableau
of peace and serenity.
[screaming]
Hey, check out
the abundant sea life,
And all the happy tourists.
Hu-ha!
There's only one explanation.
I've discovered
the lost city of atlantis.
Mama!
[clicking]
[cheering]
She must be queen of atlantis.
If i marry her,
i'll be her king.
Then i can get all
the free shrimp i want.
Congratulations, baby!
You're johnny's
catch of the day.
Excuse me,
I'm in the middle
of a show here.
Never mind that,
little mama.
How about making me
the mahimahi
On your seafood
platter of love?
[clicks]
Oh!
Good doggie.
Johnny has a yummy
for you--
Ooh
Oh, uh!
Hey, hey!
Come on now, put me down!
Oh, watch the hair!
This isn't funny.
Ooh!
Ooh
[screams]
I'm sorry, i'm already
in a relationship.
Dolphins are the ocean's
most intelligent creatures.
As i'll demonstrate
By hooking splashy here
Up to this
transmitting device.
Aha, there's my
little sea nymph.
So, what's it like being
a dolphin, splashy?
[in squeaky voice]
happy. Fun. Fish.
[cheering]
And how can
nonlinear equations be
expressed as a function
Of transdimensional
time and space?
Trick question.
Second law thermodynamics
With its possibility
of a static universe.
Fish!
[cheering]
So, she's impressed
by keen intellect.
He-ha!
I'll show her
I'm smarter than
some stupid dolphin.
Hey, i'm smart, too.
Come on, ask me anything.
Who are you?
Wait, wait. Wait,
i know this one.
Uh, "city library bestows
this card on johnny bravo."
That's me!
[cheers]
Thank you, thank you
very much.
Hey, that's
my fish!
Get your own you
bottle-nosed dork!
That's it.
It's go time!
O-oh!
Ooh!
Put me down.
Come on.
This isn't--
Oh, that's not
dolphin-safe.
[screams]
When antagonized,
Each of these electric eels
Can deliver a bolt
of up to 50,000 volts.
[muted, underwater screaming]
When i'm king of atlantis,
You guys are going to be
in so much trouble.
Now, let's see.
Where did my queen get to?
Oh, no.
Those sharks have imprisoned her
in their underwater jail.
I'll save you, your majesty!
Oomph!
No need to thank me.
[muffled scream]
[muffled scream]
[clank]
It's a twenty-footer.
Twenty-five.
3 tons on him.
[beeps]
[responding beeps]
[cheering]
Thanks, skippy!
Oh-ho-ho.
Hey, now.
Back off.
I saw her first.
[applauding]
Atlantis stinks
In eternal quest for love,
We are alone.
Cast adrift in
a star-strewn universe.
Fish!
Narrator:What happens when
a moron meets his echo?
I'm pretty!
Echo: I'm pretty.
I'm prettier!
Echo: I'm prettier.
No, i'm prettier.
Echo: No, i'm prettier.
I am!
Echo: I am.
You're dumb!
Echo: You're dumb.
I know you are, but what am i?
Echo: I know you are,
but what am i?
Oh, he's good.
Oh, isn't nordic town
great?
Look at all the fancy
cheeses i bought.
Lutefisk, danish fjord,
lingonberry,
Ingebratsen,
meatball swirl,
Reindeer milk,
herring whiz--
Well, i got to get
going back to the car.
You want a ride home?
Be there in 40 seconds.
Ok. That leaves me
just enough time
To pick up a tube
of duty-free sturgeon.
la-la-la-la-la
If it weren't for buying this
bag of scandinavian jalapenos,
This whole day would be a bust.
Stop!
You are the chosen one.
Hey, little guy,
here's my ticket.
I have a blue pinto.
He who untraps
The hammer of thor
from the icy glacier
Will receive
the power of a god.
Uh-uh.
Maybe you didn't
understand me.
I said, i have
the blue pinto.
Are you a scaredy-pants?
What? No man
calls johnny bravo
A scaredy-pants!
Step aside, tiny.
Hu-ha-ho!
Oomph!
Wig-gy!
Enjoy the power of thor!
Here's our help line if
you have any questions.
la-la-la-la-la
[screams]
Johnny, you look just
like a norse god.
Where did you get
that outfit?
Look, let's just
get the car
And get out of here.
This place is creepy.
Uh-oh. Looks like
we're all boxed in.
Here, step aside.
Johnny:Ho-ha-ho-ha!
Johnny, look at you!
You have the strength
of a hundred men.
What the heck is
going on here?
Whoever gave you that
costume must have
Mysteriously granted you
the power of thor.
You mean i'll be able
to talk to fish?
No, no, no.
You have amazing
strength,
And the power to command
the elements.
Really?
Hmm.
Now we can use
your new power
To save puppies
and visit sick children
And feed the hungry and--
Of course, if you have
a better idea
Being a god rocks!
Now to use my powers
recklessly,
And talk to fish--
[thunder]
[horse whinnies]
Ooh!
Mythicy.
Tremble not, mortal.
[norse accent]
i am broomhilda of
the valkyries.
I would speak with
he who wields
The power of thor.
And i would play
the lip-fiddle
With the chick in
the bison horns.
Just not with me,
bulky one.
I have been sent
by odin to--
I know, i know.
You've been sent
by the gods
To be my wife. So
listen up.
I like my eggs
over easy,
Don't bother me while
i'm watching wrestling,
And most of all,
Give me my space,
baby.
Fly, thingblad, awa-ay!
Oh, father odin,
I have returned with
the chosen one.
Father?
Well, nothing
happened.
We're just
friends.
She tried
to kiss me.
I said no.
[strong norse accent]
ho-ho, no.
You got the wrong idea.
You see,
here's the thing.
Every century or so,
Some young fellow
like yourself,
Pulls the hammer out
of the glacier.
And he's invited to join
the company of immortals.
Sweet, my talents have
finally been recognized.
Hu-ha-ho!
I suppose now
i get to eat, drink,
fight all day,
And get pampered by
gorgeous viking chicks?
[laughing hard]
Oh, dear.
You have to fight chip,
The horrible frost giant.
Oh, ya. He's
a bad one.
Ate all your
predecessors.
Ya, sure did.
Swallowed them
whole.
Didn't even bother
to chew.
In unison: No, no, no, no
No chewing
involved.
Right.
So listen,
it's been great
Hobnobbing with you
gods and all,
But i got to
get home and--
Not get killed by
a giant.
Ya, ok.
You have a nice trip now.
Bye-bye.
No!
Broomhilda?
Have you been sent
to help me?
No.
I'm here to carry back
your lifeless body.
Ah, well.
Look forward to
working with you.
So, where are we?
We are in needleheim:
A dark realm where
Where no-one has anything
nice to say about anybody.
That true?
Kiss my pointy ears!
Here's where you're
going to fight
The horrible frost giant
to the death.
Ok, here's why
that is not going
to happen.
A: He'll hurt me.
2: That'll make me scream
like a little girl,
And nobody wants
to hear that.
And c--
[growls]
[screams]
[roars]
I know, i fling
my magic hammer at him.
Take that you
oversized popsicle!
[clank]
[roars]
You know, you're a very
handsome frost giant.
[roars]
It was her idea.
I-i didn't even want
to come here.
She made me.
[screams]
Looks like this is
the end.
I wish i'd have time
for a last meal.
Hey, i still got
those jalapenos.
Umm. Jalapenoy.
Umm.
Mm?
No, i'm being digested.
Boohoo, the gooey juices.
[crying]
Johnny!
Uh? No!
Johnny, you did it.
You defeated the horrible
frost giant.
That's right.
Now, how about
A little post-battle
lip-lock?
So i hear you defeated
the frost giant.
That's right.
So i guess that means
i get to eat, drink,
And be pampered
by viking chicks?
Well, normally, ya.
But the thing is this,
You're a dufus.
And i'm afraid the gods
cannot abide a dufus.
Well, of all the--
You guys are just a bunch
of robe-wearing,
Wing-headed lightning,
flinging throne jockeys.
Did i mention you all have
very lovely speaking voices?
Being thor stinks.
To learn more about
norse mythology,
Visit your local library.
[laughs]
Hey!
Look out!
He-ha!
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S.Department of education
Uh-ho-ho-ho-ho, mama.
A babe!
Mercy!
Whatever.