Johnny Bravo (1997) s03e03 Episode Script

1
1, 2, 3, hah!
Baby.
Sassy.
Man, i'm pretty.
Huh!
Do the monkey with me.
Come on.
Hey there, baby. Ow!
Yeah. Whatever.
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
And u.S. Department of education
Today, a new era dawns.
By leaving this trail
of bread crumbs behind me,
I'll never
get lost again.
Hey, what are
you doing?
Oh, no! I'm loooossst!
Nobody loves me.
What's to become of me?
Get the hound dogs!
Call the cops!
Somebody, help me!
Hey, dweeb.
How's life
in geek town?
Hi, johnny!
Want to
help me put up
campaign posters?
I'm running for
litter commissioner.
Really?
That's fascinating.
Tell me more.
Wherever there's
a tin can on the curb,
I'll be there.
Wherever somebody's
putting paper
In a "plastics only"
recycling bin,
I'll be there.
Wherever--hey!
What?
Johnny,
litter commissioner
Is a very serious
position.
You want to see
a serious position?
Look at me!
I'm called a stupid
litter commissioner.
[speaks inaudibly]
Hi, carl.
Oh, hi, mallinda.
As president of
the neighborhood
recycling team,
I look forward
to working late
into the evenings
With such a dedicated
public servant.
Carl: Heh heh heh!
You mean,
if he's elected.
Johnny,
what do you mean?
I hereby declare
my candidacy
For chick-attracting
litter guy.
Wonderful! A spirited
contest will really
Bring the litter issue
into focus.
Yeah, yeah. Whatever.
Be cool, betty.
Why don't you help me
tear up the rest of
geek boy's posters?
2, 4, 6, 8,
johnny's cool
And carl's
just a big dork!
[coughing]
Carl, carl, he's our man!
If he can't help reactivate
simple carbon silicates,
No one can!
Hey, roll that thing
back to the toy store,
Chimp boy!
This is johnny's turf.
Aw, you're just jealous
of my new invention:
The fusion-powered,
hydro-electric,
Wintergreen-scented,
chryniszzswics 5,000.
You've got
to be kidding.
There's nothing
in here but a walnut
and a glass of water.
Yes! The same energy
that powers the sun.
[snap]
[munch munch]
No, johnny!
The electron valences
Have been very
carefully calibrated.
Huh?
[boom]
Flourescenty.
Carl:
Don't worry, johnny.
The radiation
should wear off
Long before
election day.
Johnny: Hey, pops,
how am i doing
in the polls?
Well, i have some good news
and some bad news.
The bad news is you're
trailing carl by 99%.
What's the good news?
I've got the metabolism
of a schoolgirl!
Hold on.
You're telling me
I only got 1%
in the polls?
Actually, you got 0.
So who got
the other 1%?
Who do you prefer
in the polls,
Carl chryniszzswics
or johnny bravo?
I like pie.
I'm a little
worried, pops.
The pie has
an impressive grasp
of the issues.
There he is!
Johnny bravo,
the voters are tired
Of all the bickering
and mudslinging.
I challenge you
to a television debate!
I accept!
What's a debate,
pops?
Well, son, for carl,
It's an intelligent
discussion of the issues.
For you,
it's an embarrassing
spectacle of stupidity.
I'm in!
Johnny: And so,
that's why ozone depletion
Is our best friend.
Because, hey,
check out my tan!
Ho! Ha! Huh!
Pie, you have
30 seconds to respond.
[hiss]
Oh, he's
a shrewd one.
Thank you, pie.
Mr. Chryniszzswics,
would you explain
Your policies
on trash separation?
Gladly. Ahem.
Trash separation is
our bridge to a glorious,
More enriching future.
Carl has 6 wives!
What?!
That's not true!
Mr. Bravo,
please wait your turn.
Ahem. Thank you,
mr. Moderator.
The time when man
first lumped his trash
Into homogeneous
piles is--
Carl is a convicted
diamond smuggler!
That's a lie!
Those charges are
scandalous, libelous,
And totally untrue.
Mr. Bravo, please!
And he also took
a rubber ducky to
his high school prom!
[phhhht]
Um, i have no comment
at this time.
[crowd titters and gasps]
Chryniszzswics
takes duck to the prom!
Carl is a duck dater!
Hello, city desk?
Stop the presses.
10,003, 10,004, 10,005!
It's official!
Johnny is the winner!
Mmm.
Sweet!
Well, johnny, i guess
the best man won.
I just hope
you'll show as much
Dedication in office
as you did in the--
Blah blah blah.
Sorry, i can't hear you
Because you're
a big loser!
And as my first
official act,
I decree there must
be a huge, honkin'
parade in my honor!
Ho! Ha! Huh!
[cheering]
Back at ya!
How ya doing?
Hey, how you been?
[tires squeal]
Huh! Ha!
Oh, hello there,
My little eco-bunny.
I suppose you've
to congratulate me.
No. We've come
to ask you
Who the heck is going
to clean up the garbage
Caused by
your stupid parade!
Icks-nay on
the eanup-clay, johnny.
You blew
the whole year's
budget on this bash.
Tell you what, girls.
Why don't each of you
grab a broom
And just tidy up
like you do.
Get him, girls.
Ahh, oh!
[fighting]
Johnny: Oh, no.
Not in the face. Oh! Ow!
Ah, it's lonely
at the top.
Ow! Come on!
Ow. Cut it out.
Finally, an entire day to
practice my tennis forehand.
And pull!
Pull!
[glass breaks]
Pull!
[thud]
[dog barking]
Pull!
HeyHuh!
Why don't you
be more careful?
People live here.
This isn't
a residential district.
Sorry, johnny.
My friend and i
were playing.
Can we have
our ball back?
No way.
I warned you before.
I'm putting it
in a pile with the
rest of your stuff.
Please, johnny!
Ah, well, let me
think about it. No!
Man: Here, susie.
Let me try.
Excuse me. I believe
that ball belongs
to my friend susie.
Look, buddy.
You don't understand.
If i let her
get away with this,
She'll start
walking all over--
Sweet merciful heavens,
you're a large man!
You know, when i said
i'm keeping the ball,
I meant,
she could have it
Just as soon as i'm
finished polishing it.
And reinflating it--
[phht phht]
Feels fine to me.
Say, you've got
some skills, don't you?
Thank you, enormous.
Enormous? You're
enormous ferguson
Of the
paukatuck ferrets?
You're my favorite
basketball superstar!
Because of my grace
and skill on the court?
No, because of
the buddy movie
You did with that
adorable chimp.
Ha ha ha!
I really believed
You were cops
on the edge.
Well, uh,
we got to go now.
Wait! Don't go.
Maybe you could
use me on the team.
Huh!
Check out
these moves.
I was fouled!
You know, johnny,
i think there's a place
On the team
you'd be perfect for.
Power forward,
all-star center,
rebound ace?
UhNot exactly.
[buzzer sounds]
[whistle blows]
Cheerleaders:
Goooooo, ferrets!
Hey, towel boy.
Towel boy
at your service.
I spilled my sport drink
on the 3-point line.
Sop it up, won't you?
Right away,
you 7-foot yahoo.
Hi, johnny. How's
the new job going?
Oh, it's wonderful.
What boy
doesn't grow up
Dreaming of the day
when he'll be asked
To sop up the sweat
of huge, wealthy athletes.
Here you go,
towel boy.
This job stinks!
I'm getting
prune hands.
I'm out of here.
Wait, johnny! Where's
your team spirit?
Every job is important
if it helps the team win.
Remember
the play-offs of '88
When the home team
was down 3 games to none?
[ah ah ah]
Ah! The mechanical
monkey is right!
My demeaning dead-end job
is important.
I can make
a difference!
[whistle blows]
Have a towel.
Whoa!
Towel?
Oof!
Towel?
Ugh!
Well,
this bucket's full.
Wh-wh-whoa!
Oh!
Augh!
Aughhhhhhhhhh!
[screaming]
I really feel like
i'm contributing.
Ferguson:
Yo, towel jockey!
What's the idea of
crippling my whole team?
Now we have
to forfeit.
No, we don't, norm.
Johnny and i
can help.
Remember in '72
when atlanta benched
all 5 starters
With 3 minutes left
in the third quarter?
[chomp chomp]
The set of chattering
joke teeth is right.
We can win if
we all play as a team.
Gooooo, ferrets!
[whispering]
[giggling]
She does? Ha ha!
[smack]
Give me the ball!
Give me the ball!
Give me the--oh!
No!
I'm open! I'm open!
Thanks!
Anyone sitting here?
[crowd complains]
Ferguson: Johnny,
what are you doing?
What?!
Oh, the game! Right!
Look, we're down
one point with
9 seconds left.
Just pass the ball
to me, ok?
You got it, enormous.
Johnny, they've
quintuple-teamed him.
You'll have
to take the shot.
So it's come to this.
The final seconds
separate me from glory.
I'll either be
the hero or the goat.
I wonder what i'll have
for dinner tonight.
You know, that macaroni
is just going to go bad
if i don't cook it.
Johnny,
take the stupid shot!
Oh, right!
Ugh!
Doh!
Cheerleaders:
Ah! Ew! Eek!
[buzzer]
Oh, no! We lost.
Johnny: Well,
i'm not surprised.
We played
like scrubs!
Personally,
i blame you guys.
Talk about lousy
team play--i mean, jeez!
Johnny: Oh! Oh! Ah!
Oh! Oh! I'm frazzled.
Oh! Watch the hair!
Oh! Oh! Ah!
Nothing but net.
Announcer: Thus we see
how man has evolved
To realize his ultimate
modern potential.
Huh! Ha! Huh!
Hey, how come
he gets a banana?
Monkey: Aah!
Mmm. Banana.
[screeching]
Aw, mama, why do we have
to clean the garage?
The stench of mildew
is making me woozy.
Oh, look, johnny.
It's your
huggy snuggles doll.
Remember how you
never used to let it
Out of your sight?
Aw, mama,
that was weeks ago.
We'll never be apart
again. Never.
Mrs. Bravo,
mrs. Bravo!
I got an "a"
in music class.
What's the "a"
stand for:
Irritating
little kiss-up?
Anyway, want to hear
the song i wrote?
I'd love to.
i went to
a pet shop the other day
to see the newest animals
on display
i was checkin' out the bunnies
when what did i see?
a funky-lookin' monkey
lookin' down at me
funky monkey,
oo oo oo
funky monkey,
oo oo oo
give him a banana,
and he'll boogie
like a spinnin' top
Aw, man!
That stinks!
I love it,
sweetie.
But it needs something.
Now, let's see.
Where did i put my vintage
'57 sunburst doubleneck?
Oh, here it is!
I haven't played it
Since jimi hendrix
set it on fire
at altamont.
On the downbeat.
i went to a pet shop
the other day
to see the newest animals
on display
i was checkin' out the bunnies
when what did i see?
a funky-lookin' monkey
lookin' down at me
funky monkey
oo oo oo
Make it stop!
Make it stop!
Please, make it stop!
Oh, a garage jam!
Far-out!
Mind if i sit in
on the tubs?
Yes.
i went to a pet shop
the other day
to see the newest animals
on display
i was checkin' out the bunnies
when what did i see?
Nothing to see here.
Please disperse, people!
Return to your homes!
[crowd murmuring]
Oh, thanks, pops.
One more minute
of that squawking
And those folks
would have attacked.
Squawking, nothing!
You kids have
a crazy new sound!
I can make you
all stars!
What?!
All you need now is a vapid,
pretty boy lead singer
To attract
the young ladies.
Funky monkey!
Ook ook ook!
Give him a banana,
and he's a spinnin'
kind of guy
On second thought,
i wouldn't change a thing.
Well, kids, you ready
to cut your first demo?
And don't worry.
I told johnny we were
recording in another town.
Hey, pops.
No one in albany
has ever heard of you.
All right.
Ready to record?
Ugh!
No!
Hello, cleveland!
Uh, great. Ok, let's try
to get a quick take down.
Ready, everyone?
A-one and
a-two and--
i went to a pet shop
the other day
to see the newest
animals on display
i was checkin' out
the rabbits
what did i see?
a funky-lookin' monkey
lookin' down at me
funky monkey
give him a banana,
and he'll boogie
like a spinnin' top
Oh, yeah!
We nailed that one.
You know, folks,
my equipment refused
to record that one.
You're on mike two,
right, johnny?
Right.
Ok. Let's get
another one for backup.
i went to a pet shop
the other day
to see the newest animals
on display
i was checkin' out the bunnies
when what did i see?
a funky-lookin' monkey
lookin' down at me
funky monkey
Pops: Ok, gang.
It's just your first gig
so have fun with it.
Oh, and don't worry
about johnny.
With the directions
i gave him,
He ought to be passing
nome, alaska,
Any minute now.
if you're a funky primate
or its nearest kin
and you seem a little monkey,
just join right in
funky monkey,
oo oo oo
funky monkey,
oo oo oo
give him a banana,
and he'll boogie
like a spinnin' top
Susie: One more time!
give him a banana
and he'll boogie
like a spinnin' top
woo
[cheering]
Great news, everyone!
Funky monkey is number one
in the tri-town area.
And with tonight's
national tv appearance,
I'll be stinking rich!
I mean, you'll
all be famous.
Oh, that will be
marvelous!
And i think we all know
who we have to thank.
Thanks, mrs. Br--
That's right,
mama. Me.
Huh! And while
we're on the subject,
Let's lay down
a few ground rules.
First of all, no one
is to make direct
eye contact with me.
Stop doing that.
Anyone speaking
to johnny bravo
Must refer to johnny bravo
in the third person.
But, johnny, we
already do refer to you
in the third person.
Then you're cool
with johnny bravo.
And now i'd like
to play you
Johnny bravo's
new song,
Which is destined
to be our new
breakout single.
johnny,
he's a pretty guy
johnny,
johnny likes his pie
johnny, don't look
him in the eye
What are we going
to do, pops?
If i can't make
direct eye contact
with johnny,
I'll just die!
And his song
stinks, too.
Don't worry, carl.
As long as i have these,
There's nothing
to worry about.
and the home
of the brave
Play ball!
Pops: 10 seconds
till showtime, people.
Everyone take
their big wads of cash--
I--i--i mean, places.
Pops, look at what
i just noticed.
Uh, land-a-goshen!
Someone--i can't
imagine who--
Snipped your mike wire.
Huh?! Oh, yeah.
Also, it has this little
smudge right here.
Whew! Don't worry.
I'll fix it.
Ew! Now you got
spit on it!
I'll just use
carl's mike.
Great freakin'
toadstools, no!
Here.
Give me that.
Hey--
And turn up the volume.
I can never hear
myself sing.
And now, direct from
their tri-town tour,
Johnny and the deer ticks!
[cheering]
i went to the pet shop
the other day
to see little thingeys--
funky monkey
whoa whoa whoa,
funky monkey
hop hop
give 'em some prunes
and he'll spin around
like a boogie
[booing]
Yeah! Oh, yeah!
That's it. Oh, yeah.
That's the magic.
Whoaaa!
I'll just wait here
for the groupies.
Johnny: Look out.
Huh! Ha!
Oh!
Ohhhh, mama!
A babe! Have mercy!
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
Captioned by the national
Whatever.