Johnny Bravo (1997) s03e04 Episode Script

Scoop Bravo/The Incredible Shrinking Johnny/Backdaft

1-2-3 huh!
Man, i'm pretty.
Do the monkey with me!
Come on!
Hey, there, baby.
Yeah, whatever.
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And u.S. Department of education
Oh, my!
I see the civil conflict
in azerbaijan is heating up.
Ha! Ha! Ha!
Oh, and they're finally cutting
down that pesky redwood forest
On the edge of town.
Ha! Ha! Ha!
Man: Aah! My eye!
Check this out!
"idiot injures self
in hammock"
What a jerk.
What a dufus.
Hey, that guy's pretty.
Wait a minute!
That guy's me!
Slander! Blasphemy!
I'm going right down
to the newspaper office
to complain.
Just as soon as
i pop my hip back in.
Ooh! That smarts!
[telephone ringing]
Boy caught in a well?
Does he have an adorable
puppy with him?
That's old news!
Hello? City desk.
You saw the mayor
taking a bribe?
Strictly page 10!
He was wearing
a chicken outfit?
Well, why didn't
you say so?
We'll bump it
to page one!
Sweet mother macree!
I love this business!
I want to talk with
the ugly, lying pin jockey
Who writes this rag!
That would be me!
Yeah? Say, you're
kind of pretty
For an ugly, lying
pin jockey.
Wait a minute.
I know you.
You're the jake
from the hammock.
You got a beef?
Spill it!
I demand that
you retract this story.
Ha! Horsefeathers!
The story is pure gold!
Haven't you heard of
the first amendment?
I'm not really
into folk music.
You want to
go out with me?
I'm all the johnny
that's fit to print.
No time, i got
a paper to run!
Besides, you're
a stooge, a moke,
a babe in the woods!
I only go out with
hard-driving newsmen
Who get stories
and sell papers.
So, you're saying
if i get you a story,
you'll go out with me?
I said no such thing!
I'll do it!
Because this country
was founded on freedom
of the press,
To read and cherish
and line our birdcages.
As abe lincoln said
[alarm ringing]
Now, let's see
Where am i going
to find a hot scoop
To impress
that newspaper lady?
HmmThere's that pothole
over on third
Nah, too boring.
That vending machine
over at the car wash
always takes my quarters
NahToo vending machiney.
Johnny! Look!
I've isolated the gene
that makes people talk
In high,
squeaky voices!
Not now, dweeb,
i'm trying to get a scoop!
Oh, no!
Now listen to me!
Hold on, you!
Where were you on
the night of the 16th?
I was out looking
for my kitty--
mr. Pickles.
You do know
that all the cats
in the neighborhood
Have been disappearing,
don't you?
That's it! I'll do a story
on the invention of porcelain!
You mean
missing kittens, right?
Right. What did i say?
Now, let's see.
Where could all those
missing cats have gotten to?
And what could hold them all
captive against their will?
And how can i hear
myself talking when
my lips aren't moving?
Here, kitty, kitty.
Nice kitty.
Come to pops.
Holy smokes!
Pops just abducted that kitty.
Who? What? Where? When? Why?
Hey, johnny, what are
you blabbering on
about now?
I've caught you red-handed.
You've been taking
all the town cats
And putting them in
your "mystery quesadillas."
Why, that's
What kind of barbarian
would take a poor,
defenseless creature,
Make him into steaks,
dip him in egg batter,
Sprinkle with
a little tarragon--
but not too much--
And serve him up as
the blue plate special?
Why, i'm shocked
and appalled you could even
accuse me of such a thing!
Ok, pops,
your story checks out.
Let me know
if you hear anything
on the street.
Will do, son.
Don't worry, snookums,
the bad man is gone.
I've got to find out
where all the cats
have gone.
My reporter's instincts
tell me the answer is close.
So close i can
almost smell it!
Johnny, mama's running
to the store
To buy a 600-pound bag
of cat food.
Mama, i'm trying
to think.
And don't play
on the cat trees.
They're for guests only.
Wait a minute!
Cat trees
Sounds sort
of likeCookies!
That's it!
I'm hungry!
I decided on
noodles instead.
Ow! Dang cat tree.
Wait a minute!
Cat tree
Sounds sort of like
I forgot the garlic bread.
Oh, this is getting
Wait a minute!
If cats can build something
this ridiculous,
They must also be able
to build space ships!
That's it!
Cats are really
a super-intelligent
race of aliens!
I have got my story!
Ha! You'll never triumph!
And sometimes i dream
i'm not wearing pants.
Print that.
Hold page one!
Cats are really
space overlords,
And they've gone back
to their home planet
To fetch their
death ray devices.
That's bravo:
Ha! Ha! Ha!
That's the silliest
story i ever heard.
Oh, well, i'm sure
you feel that way
Because you're really
a mutant calico in disguise!
Johnny, what's with
this note you left for me?
"they're here!
They're here!
Get out of the house!
P.S. I ate the noodles."
I broke the story, mama.
All the cats are aliens.
I'm a reporter!
Johnny, listen to me
The person who took
the town's cats is
someone you know,
Someone who
loves you very much.
Someone i know?
Someone who loves me
very much?
It's me!
I took the cats!
I'm the catnapper!
Stop the presses!
Ooh! Ow!
Got to help
I'm serious!
But mama bravo,
Well, i suppose
i have a compulsive need to
nurture soft, furry things.
The human interest angle.
I like it!
It'll sell papers!
But what about johnny?
HmmMaybe we can
use him in marketing.
Extra! Read all about it!
Idiot mangles self
in printing press.
Extra! Extra!
Man: I'll take one.
Thanks, mister.
You're welcome.
Let's see
According to this map
mama gave me,
The grocery store is
Somewhere between 5th street
and addis abba.
Leave it to mama
to run out of foot powder
In the middle of
battle of the network
swimsuit models.
Sure hope i don't
hit traffic.
Ow! Ugh! Oooh!
Ooh! Aah! Oh!
Hey, i'm here!
I got to use
these maps more often.
WaitMama didn't say
there'd be two stores here.
HmmThe one with the produce
the shopping carts out front
is almost too obvious.
Can't fool me.
Now let's seeFoot powder.
Huh? This pureed ram pancreas
should do the trick.
I might as well pick up
some snacks while i'm here.
MmSalamander tongue,
spider eggs
Hey! Shrunken heads!
I haven't had these
since i was a kid.
Ok, lady, ring me up.
Well, shut my mouth
and call me carpathian.
I know what
you're thinking,
And the answer is
yes, i am available.
I warn you
Touch me again
and the consequences
will be dire!
UhDire's good, right?
Head of wolf
and toe of skink,
Let this big, dumb jerk
commence to shrink.
Any chance you got
a hot tub out back?
Could i get a receipt?
You know, you think
a person with that much
hate in her heart
Wouldn't gravitate toward
the service industry.
Hey, my scooter got bigger!
Must be that high octane
scooter oil i've been using.
And i thought
you finished growing.
[siren blaring]
Officer over loudspeaker:
Ok, pull over, kid.
What? I didn't steal cable!
I never pulled the tag
off that pillow!
The cement had
my handprints in it
when i got there.
Does your mommy know
you're riding that
scooter, young man?
And why aren't you
in school?
What are you talking about?
I'm a grown man.
What are you? Blind?
Oh, a sassy-mouth, huh?
Well, a couple of hours
in juvenile lockup
will straighten you out.
No, i ain't going!
Help! Help!
Anybody other than
the police! Help!
Oh, no, that witch chick
from the grocery store
Made all
the fire hydrants huge!
la la la
Neighbor kid! Help!
Witches curse shrank me!
Cops chasing me!
I live with my mom!
No motivating goals!
Don't worry, johnny.
I know just what to do.
More tea, mrs. Pennywhistle?
Stop calling me
mrs. Pennywhistle,
And i don't want
any stupid tea!
Give me some
bovine growth hormone
or something.
Mrs. Pennywhistle,
you're upsetting
the other dollies.
Yeah, well,
they're creeping me out
with their dead eyes.
Like aLike
a doll's eyes.
What are you smiling
about, monkey boy?
You think it's funny
i'm so tiny?
Well, come on,
make a move!
I can take you!
Looks like somebody
needs a time-out.
Huh? Wait! Put me down!
I was just kidding!
I can get along
with the dollies,
Especially that
malibu tracy.
Is she seeing anybody?
Now you stay there
and think about what
you've done.
I've got to escape
before she stuffs me
And tries to sell me on
the home dolly channel.
A-ha! A yo-yo with
a long string attached!
Let's seeIf i set
fire to the yo-yo,
The fumes will
activate the sprinkler
system, and--whoa!
Huh? Good thing gerbils
are meek, mild-mannered
little fellows.
Hey, buddy, scoot over.
Johnny's thirsty.
[growling loudly]
Good doggy.
You know, some of
my best friends
are gerbils.
Hey! Carl's house!
He's a science dweeb!
He'll be able to help
me get big again!
ThereNow, i've carefully
calculated the trajectory,
So i'll--whoa!
Good thing
the window's open.
Exactly as i planned it
Except for the lacerations.
There is nothing like
a good loofah sponging.
Now to check on
my science experiment.
Hey, carl, you dweeb!
It's me! Johnny!
Johnny! You're
microscopic size!
You're the size of
an amoeba!
I could put you
in my blood stream,
And you could help me
digest simple sugars!
Or i could help you
get big again?
Aah! What the heck
is that thing?
Don't worry, johnny,
it's just an amoeba.
Back of, fella,
i'm trying to talk
to the giant eyepiece.
Oops! He's got
your scent.
Now he'll try
to absorb you for
your organic compounds.
Oh! Get off me, you gloppy
one-celled varmint! Get off!
Hang tight, johnny,
i'll get my molecular
Heel, heel, i said!
Ooh! Ooh! Tiny bites!
Tiny bites!
Carl! Hurry!
Here i come, johnny.
Here goes nothing.
Johnny! You're all
big again!
Yeah! Thanks for nothing!
No time to talk! Bye!
Carl: Gangway!
Whoa, mama!
Here's your i.D. Bracelet.
Here's a compass in case
you get lost.
Mama, i'm just going
next door to borrow
a cup of sugar.
Mrs. Krellman?
Open up!
It's meJohnny!
Carl: The resolution
is passed.
The secret password
for the town's new
community center
Will be flounder.
And now for the last
order of business,
Please welcome
our volunteer fire chief,
Pops! Yay! Yay!
Shut up!
This stinks.
When does the movie start?
There's no movie, johnny.
This is a town hall meeting.
What? Then i'm out
of here!
Well, i suppose i could
stay a bit longer.
As you know,
willy the town hobo
Hit it big in the lottery
and packed up for zurich,
Leaving carl the only active
member of your fire brigade.
I'll be quiet.
In the event of
an actual fire,
This town would burn
to the ground faster
than you can say,
"help! The town's burning
to the ground!"
So, i'm appealing to
you the townspeople.
Sign up today!
Audience: Ooh
Johnny: Whoa, mama!
Pops: Who will be
the first to volunteer?
I'll volunteer!
Speak up
Don't be shy.
Yeah, right here, pops!
ReallyAnyone at all.
How about you, sir?
Johnny: I'll do it!
Little girl?
Pick me! Pick me!
Johnny wants
to do it, pops.
Pick him!
He's my best friend.
We'd have a lot of fun
together and everything.
I'd be a great fireman!
I've got the suspenders
Anyway, i love fire.
I can watch it burn
for hours!
All right! All right already!
Johnny, you're hired.
Be at the firehouse
at 9:00 tomorrow.
What? In the morning?
I'll bring doughnuts.
Pops? It's me! Johnny!
I couldn't find any doughnuts,
so i brought some tile grout.
Hi, johnny.
Pops isn't here yet.
Hey, get a load of all
the cool fireman stuff.
I'm glad you're early.
I want to read you
a poem i wrote
About the awesome
responsibilities of
the fireman.
"i am the fireman.
"i sing the fire electric,
"though the hot flames
may lick my boots,
"they shall not stay me
from my appointed rounds.
"oily rags in the garage
dismay me not,
"nor the outlets
heavy-laden with plugs,
"for i will face
with fearless fervor
"the ferocious flames
that fly frantically
"from the feisty
fatal furnace!
"oh, fireman,
heavy hangs the hose
"that spritzes the home
of vigilance,
"and wretched is the soul
who leaves the steam iron
of neglect on high.
"yet i complain not,
"for i shall slip
the surly bonds of earth
To touch the face of"
He did it!
Quit it, johnny.
We firemen must respect
our firefighting tools
As if they were
our friends.
Thanks, friend.
Well, if you two kumquats
are through messing around,
We'll get started.
Ok, johnny, in this
first training exercise,
You rescue a kitten
from a tree.
Are you ready, carl?
You betcha.
Role-play is my favorite
part of being a fireman.
Pops, i'm frightened!
I know, son.
Let's just get
through this.
Ok, the first thing
you do is
I know, i know.
I'm not an idiot.
[carl screaming]
Bad kitty.
Bad kitty.
Uh, let's just
move on, shall we?
Ok, johnny, you got
15 seconds to attach this
hose and save carl's life.
Oh, help me!
I am choking on
the artificial smoke!
Won't somebody rescue me
from my fiery fate?
OkHit it!
Oh, i'm going fast!
Dang thing
ain't working.
Here. Hold this.
This won't end well.
Beelzebub's nightgown!
Johnny, what are
you thinking?
It's a good thing this
was just an exercise,
Or carl could have been
seriously hurt.
Sorry, pops.
Oh wellCookie break?
I'm there!
Pops: What
a horrible tragedy!
If only basic
life-saving techniques
had been used!
Ah, cut debbie
some slack, pops.
She only joined
bikini watch last season.
I guess
you're right, son.
More elk?
Say, pops, is sitting
around, eating and drinking
on the public tab
Part of being
a fireman, too?
It's the most
important part, johnny.
If you learn only that
during your training,
Then i've done my job.
[alarm rings]
What the heck is that?
I don't know.
The dang thing's
always going off
during my program.
Pops! It's the fire alarm!
We're needed!
Good gravy!
It's the real thing!
Hop to it, boys!
Carl: Ooh! I want
to drive the truck.
I want to drive
the truck!
I want to drive
the truck!
No! I want to
drive the truck!
I'll tell you what.
Let's play "rock paper
scissors" for it.
Once, twice, 3
You win.
[horn honks]
You think he'll come
back for us?
Get out of my way!
I'm trying to save lives!
So, i said to her,
"if that's your
Aaaah! I'll call
you back!
[horn honking]
A-ha! A 3-1-10-11-9er
in progress.
Oh, dear--almost burned
the popcorn, by golly.
Don't panic, lady!
I'll save you!
What are you doing?
Everything is fine.
I said don't panic!
Wait a minute.
This is just what the fire
is expecting us to do.
Out the fire escape!
But i don't have
a fire escape.
Pops: Say, johnny.
You know what would help
the department is
If you took your 20-year,
unpaid vacation now.
SweetNow, about
those free medical benefits.
Look out.
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
And u.S. Department of education
Captioned by the national
A babe!
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