Johnny Bravo (1997) s03e05 Episode Script

The Johnny Bravo Affair/Biosphere Johnny/Spa Spaz

1, 2, 3, hyah!
Man, i'm pretty!
Hyah! Huh!
Do the monkey with me!
Come on!
Hey there, baby.
Yeah, whatever.
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
And u.S. Department of education
Mama: And here we have
the famous rova lisa.
Is she frowning or growling?
Only the artist knows.
And here's hatfield's classic of
the heartland, sad puppy gothic.
Aw, mama,
this stinks!
Where are
all the robots?
There are no robots
here, sweetie.
This is
an art museum.
Ha! You call this art?
That's the thermostat,
Ooh. Ha ha!
Don't touch that!
Johnny, why don't
you go buy yourself
something sugary?
Here's a dollar.
Ooh, a dollar!
I can buy sugar nips!
I love the sudden burst
of energy, followed by
the crashing low.
[gulp gulp gulp]
Hey, baby, i know
what you're thinking.
How did the statue
get off its pedestal?
Well, surprise--
hyah! I'm real!
Sugar nip?
Whoa! Ow! Ohh!
Help! Somebody get me
out of here!
I can't be in enclosed places!
I'm all hopped up on sugar! I--
Ah, sugar nap.
[tick tock tick tock]
oh, yeah,
an all-girl jury.
Aah! No, grandma!
I don't want to
groom the monkeys!
Somebody help me!
Where's my clowny
night light?
Uhh! Aah!
Hyah! Ho! Hyah!
Hey, where is everybody?
It must be past closing time.
Or maybe the sun exploded
and i'm the last man on earth!
Or maybe
it's just closing time.
Ah, the heart
of pomona--
The world's largest
cubic zirconium.
This will fetch me hundreds
on the black market.
This zirconium is protected
by a case of pure diamond!
How ironic.
Hey, baby.
Say, you don't
know anything
About the sun
do you?
Good thing it
landed on my head.
You're not with
museum security,
are you?
Want to go out
to dinner with me?
Hyah! I still got
20 cents left.
Would you do me
a favor first
And ram your head
as hard as you can
into this case?
Well, gee,
i don't know, i--
Glad i could be
of service.
Now to carefully
retrieve the gem.
Ooh, shiny!
I wonder
if it's real?
[alarm screeches]
You fool!
Wait your turn,
Mmm. Zirconium--
The other white meat.
Stop in the name of
An independently contracted
security firm!
Drat! I guess
you're coming
with me!
Back to your place?
Johnny: I, uh, never been in
a woman's apartment before.
I mean,
i been in them.
I mean,
i'm not scared!
Hey, look! Flowers!
You idiot!
That was a priceless
ming vase!
I mean--
Why don't you come
sit on the sofa
While i slip into
something more
I'm ready.
You imbecile!
You've destroyed
my entire collection!
He did it!
Don't worry.
That zirconium
in your stomach
Will more than
make up for it.
Yeah. Too bad
you can't get at it.
Oh, can't i?
Ha ha ha ha!
Hey, what the--
Aah! Uhh!
Mama warned me about
women like you.
I was hoping
she was right.
This laser can project
a spot on the moon.
You can imagine what it
can do at close range.
Ok. But i warn you,
i'm very ticklish.
Freeze, you vile vixen!
Mama, quick!
Go away!
You've earned my
everlasting hatred,
johnny bravo!
Someday, i'll have
my revenge!
Mitzy, wait!
You can't deny our love!
You idiot!
Oh, johnny,
you're safe
and untouched!
Yeah. Great.
Thanks for that.
We got a problem,
The museum is
going to need their
zirconium back.
But johnny has such
a slow metabolism.
Maybe we can reach some
sort of compromise.
Old lady:
Oh, look, harriet,
It's the world's
largest cubic
Come on,
keep it moving,
keep it moving.
I said keep
the line moving.
no flash pictures.
Hey, you!
Johnny: Who knows what mysteries
the boundless universe contains?
[dog howls]
Vast, spinning globs
of gas and plasma,
Ancient civilizations
both unknown and unknowable.
Hot alien space chicks waiting
to be contacted by yours truly!
Test 1, test 2.
Is this thing on?
Hello, alien
space chicks!
What are
you wearing?
Hmm. Maybe i'll get
better reception
Standing on this dangerously
steep precipice.
Hyah! Uhh! Ooh!
Hyah! Hyah! Ho! Yeah!
It worked.
The space chicks
have heeded my call!
Excuse me,
coming through.
Must be one of them
alien honeys.
Hey there,
extraterrestrial mama.
Can i interest you
in a little carbon-
based love?
Is it because
i called collect?
Hi, johnny!
Have you come to say
good-bye to us
Before we enter
the biosphere?
Back, off, carl!
That space chick is mine!
Silly johnny.
She's not a space chick.
That's dr. Rachel levy,
The world's foremost
dental hygienist.
She'll be leading me
and a team of intrepid
To see if humans can
survive an entire year
In the enclosed
environment of
the biosphere!
Yeah, that's fascinating.
Excuse me.
Hey, bio buddy.
You know, my love is
a renewable energy source.
Come, carl.
It's time to enter
the biosphere.
Yes, i'm looking forward
to living with you
And the other bionauts
for an entire year
in an enclosed space
With no possibility of contact
with the outside world.
[doors slam shut]
Fellow bionauts,
Our incredible odyssey
has begun.
I'll break out some dehydrated
seaweed fritters to celebrate.
Eew. Kelpy!
Hey, baby.
Your jab to the kidneys
said, "bug off,"
But your eyes say,
"hello, sailor."
You idiot!
Our resources have
been carefully
balanced for 4.
Now you're stuck
in here with us
for an entire year!
That's no good for me.
I got karate on thursdays.
No, johnny,
she's serious.
We're locked in
for a whole year.
But don't worry,
it will be fun!
[bird cawing]
Carl's log, day 1, hour 4:
My fellow bionauts
and i are adjusting well
to complete isolation.
Johnny's a good boy.
Everything's going
to be fine.
I'll just watch tv
till they come to
take me out of here.
Johnny, that's not a tv,
that's the microwave.
Quiet! I'm watching
my favorite show:
Macaroni and cheese
spinning around and
around and around
And around
and around.
Hmm. Maybe a tour
of the biosphere
Will take the edge off
your claustrophobic paranoia.
Follow me, fellow bionaut.
You see, johnny,
spaceship earth
Is composed of many
different ecosystems
Which we have tried
to replicate here in
the biosphere!
Would you stop
saying that?
Here we have
the festering
swamp ecosystem.
Why would you want
one of those?
To propagate the
mosquitoes, viruses,
And poisonous tree frogs
that complete the complex
dance of life.
Aw, hello,
little fella.
Let's move on
with our tour,
shall we?
Also included
are the desiccated
desert ecosystem,
The frozen tundra
The downtown newark
And the piece
de resistance,
The hydroponic
Where we grow
the tasteless roots
and vegetables
We'll be eating
for an entire year!
You mean this is
all we got to eat?
That's right,
mr. Snippy,
Unless you have
a better idea.
uber alles
Ach du lieber!
Mein roots
und tubers!
Good news, frenchie,
I pulled up that
healthy junk and
planted corn chips.
Nein! Nein! Nein!
Aw, don't cry.
As soon as the first
crop comes in,
All we'll need is salsa.
All right, team.
I've assessed the damage
to the hydroponic garden.
We still have enough
food to survive by
a slim margin,
Provided our water
holds out.
someone's in
the kitchen with johnny
someone's in
the kitchen, i guess
What are you doing?
My laundry.
You used 472,000
gallons of water
To wash your socks?
They were dirty.
Look at that stain!
That's plum sauce.
You scientists are
high-strung types,
aren't you?
Engineer wang,
your report.
By rationing
the remaining water
And redirecting
the solar panels,
We should be able
to survive by growing
5 soybeans a day,
Provided of course that
the power grid holds out.
[generator shuts down]
Oh, yeah, johnny.
Feel the burn.
You jerk!
You've shorted out
the entire power grid!
The only way we can
possibly survive now
Is to eat a member
of the team.
I refuse.
By the way, those vitally needed
oxygen scrubbers?
They make excellent
loofah sponges.
See how smooth?
I'll eat him.
i'll eat him, too.
No! Eat me instead!
Stop! What
are we doing?
We volunteered
for this project
to the world.
Somehow, some way,
We'll find a way to complete
our mission and still keep
our humanity.
Ok, who's ready
to eat?
I got dibs on
the wing bones.
Get him!
Hey! Ooh! Ow! Mama!
[doorbell rings]
Did somebody
order a pizza?
Oh, that's mine.
I've been standing
at the window,
Blinking "pizza"
in morse code for days.
I knew someone
would see me.
We're saved!
It's a good thing
for you people i
know how to open
An anodized tungsten
airlock door
With plutonium
Good lad.
Here's a nickel.
All: Nooooooo!
Hey, what's everyone
looking at?
I know what you're thinking,
and you can forget it!
This pizza is mine!
Ohh! Aah! Oh, come on!
Narrator: What happens when
an idiot meets his echo?
I'm pretty.
i'm pretty.
I'm prettier.
i'm prettier.
No, i'm prettier.
no, i'm prettier.
I am!
i am
You're dumb!
you're dumb!
I know you are,
but what am i?
i know you are,
but what am i?
Oh, he's good.
Girl on tv:
Thanks, brad.
You've saved me from
the deadly undertow
for the 19th time today.
Brad: You're welcome, susan.
Perhaps now
you'll learn to swim.
Watch the railing!
Susan: Aah!
Announcer: That concludes
our 72-hour marathon
of beach patrol.
Stay tuned for our
72-hour marathon of
adorable dolly auction.
Are you out of shape?
Hi. I'm kyra at
morning mist spa.
My staff of tan
and attractive specialists
Will help cleanse
your body of toxins
While we tighten and tone
those atrophied muscles.
Call for your reservations now.
Fancy spa chicks
walking on my spine
Is exactly what
i need to get
back into shape!
I'm going to call
right now.
We're centered.
We're going to the happy place.
Allow the warmth and fuzziness
to fill your being.
where's the pool?
Come on, let's go!
I been an entire
5 minutes
And still haven't
been pampered!
Hello, sir.
Please sit down
and find your center.
UhOk. Whatever.
Shove over, tubby.
Hyah! Ha! Huh!
So, visualize a bright light.
When's cookie time?
We don't consume harmful
refined sugars here.
Now, see the light.
But you got bikini
bingo, right?
It was
in the brochure.
No, it wasn't!
And we're visualizing--
Oh, i getcha.
I got the deluxe
And you don't want
the rest of these
losers to find out.
Sir, could you--
You know, you seem
kind of tense.
I think you could
use the healing
powers of johnny.
Could you pop
my shoulder
back in, please?
Hmm, that was
almost too easy.
How did you get
into such horrible
Well, first thing
in the morning,
I power up with
a big glass of
bacon grease.
The toxitron will
measure the level
of harmful toxins
In your body.
[beep beep]
Hey, do you have a couch?
All this standing around
is making me woozy.
My goodness!
I've never
encountered anyone
With such a high
level of poisons
in their system!
Hey! I forgot i had
chocolate cake
in my pocket!
You shall be
my greatest
challenge yet.
Getting you into shape
will put my spa on the map.
Fine with me,
healthy mama.
You can fluff
johnny's chakras
You know, now that
you mention it,
I do see a bright, searing,
painful light.
The first step is
to relax the body
With a rejuvenating
deep-tissue massage.
Oh, i knew i came
to the right place.
Let the deep-tissue
massaging begin.
You have such a soft,
nurturing touch.
[deep voice]
why, thank you.
I think we can move
on to the spinal
adjustment now.
[painful groans]
You jerk!
Look what you've done
to my clients!
Hey, that kink
in my neck is gone!
Now if i could just
do something about
that rib in my lung.
I placed the client
in the mud bath as
you asked, boss.
Silently, stealthily,
Hippoman nears his prey.
Oh, no! I've been spotted!
The tables have turned!
Aroooo! Aroooo!
Will you shut up?
I'm paying
300 bucks a day
For a little
tranquility, you idiot!
None dare mock hippoman!
Augh! Poachers!
Run away!
Well, is everyone
cleansed and relaxed?
They started it.
This is a place
of healing and wholeness!
I will not tolerate such
primitive, unchecked aggression!
The victory belongs
to hippoman!
Aroooo! Aroooo!
Hey, waiter,
this ain't right.
I ordered
the lobster special.
That is the lobster
special, sir.
Can i have 143
lobster specials?
There he is!
Throw him in the
sauna of quiescence
Until he screams
for mercy.
Oh, no! I'm trapped!
Hey, fahrenheit 451--
That's the temperature
cheese melts at!
It's a good thing
i had these fondue fixings
hidden in my spa slippers.
Ah, by now
the brainless oaf
Should be detoxified
And ready to join
my happy brigade of
soulless health drones.
pretty little maid
of mine, of mine
oh, pretty little
maid of mine
What are you doing?
You are impossible!
Incurable! Intolerable!
Is that fondue i smell?
No! There's no
fondue here!
I wasn't cooking any!
There's not enough
for you!
Fondue was my favorite
comfort food,
Back when i was unhealthy,
uncleansed, fat.
Good. Then you won't
be wanting any.
Give me that!
It's not like kyra
to be late for
aromiatsu class.
Hey--give me back
my lunch!
No! The cheesy
goodness is mine!
What are you
all looking at?
Sure, i may have
hopped on
The express train
to piggytown,
But i'm happy
for the first time
in years!
I want
my money back.
What have i done?
I'm ruined! Ruined!
Don't worry,
my little carbo-packed
At least
you still got me.
After we work on
your table manners a bit.
Funny, i don't feel pampered
and refreshed.
Look out.
Hyah! Hyah!
Whoa, mama!
A babe!
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