Johnny Bravo (1997) s03e06 Episode Script

Fool for a Day/In Your Dreams/Some Like It Stupid

1, 2, 3, go!
Man, i'm pretty.
Do the monkey with me.
Come on.
Hey there, baby.
Yeah. Whatever.
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
And u.S. Department of education
Wait, son!
Don't go outside.
It's dangerous.
They'll catch you
and cook you and serve
you up for lunch
In some cheap diner.
Really, daddy?
Ha ha ha! No!
Just kidding.
Go on. Have a ball.
More possum pie,
Thanks, pops.
No one does marsupial
cream sauce like you do.
Oh, johnny, look out!
There's a giant kangaroo
on your head!
What? There is?
Get it off me!
Get if off me!
Ha ha ha!
Just kidding!
April fools', johnny!
April fools'?
Aw, ha ha ha!
I knew it all along.
Really? Huh,
so i guess you also know
About the giant
man-eating lizard
behind you.
Augh! Where is he?
Where is he?
Ha ha ha!
April fools', son!
Oh, right.
I--i knew that.
I was just
playing along.
You're an awfully
good sport considering
Your face is melting!
Augh! Not my face!
Anything but my face!
Ha ha ha!
April fools', johnny.
Oh, heh heh heh.
Yeah, that's, uh,
another good one, pops.
Hey, pops, what's that
on your shirt?
Hurry, better look down
where my hand is.
Never mind that.
What's that
on the ceiling?
Ha ha ha!
Oh, ho ho ho!
All right, pops.
This has been fun,
but i should go.
Ok, johnny.
Watch out
for the wet floor!
Oh, yeah. Right.
[car horn honks, crash]
I get duped
every april fools' day.
This year, i'm going
to get someone to fall for
one of my practical jokes.
la la la
Hey, neighbor girl,
there's a kangaroo
on my head.
There is?
There is?!
Oh! Get it off me!
Don't let it
lay its eggs on me!
April fools'.
By the way,
you wouldn't have
a neck brace, would you?
No, johnny.
But i have a secret.
You know my teacher,
ms. Williams?
You mean the one--
She likes you.
She does?
I mean, she has
excellent taste.
One small problem
Is this about
my 11th toe?
No, silly!
She only dates men
who love and live
for the dance.
Why, that's me!
Uh, except for
the part about the dance.
Ok. So listen,
here's what we do.
[inaudible whispering]
And that's how
cowboys invented
cursive writing.
Ok, turn to page--
Hey, ms. Williams!
What on earth?
[irish music plays]
Hey, get a load of me!
I'm dancing!
You probably
want to go out
with me now, huh?
Hey, what's so funny?
Attention, johnny!
Attention, johnny!
April fools'!
Ha ha ha!
Aw, you think
you're all so funny.
Well, you all have
something on your shirts!
Rats! There must be
someone around
Who is stupid and
gullible enough to pull
a practical joke on!
[knock knock]
Hi, johnny!
Oh, a glass of
cherry cola? For me?
Hmm. A dribble
glass, eh?
I'll just put my finger
over this hole.
Heh heh heh!
Ha ha ha!
April fools'!
Ahh, my that was
Hey, you cheated!
Gosh, johnny,
what was in that glass?
Just cherry soda.
What's the big deal?
Carl! Oh, no!
Carl's dead!
And my fingerprints
are all over
the dribble glass.
April fools'!
I'm not really dead.
Not yet you're not.
Chill out, johnny.
Drown your rage with
a nice, refreshing
glass of soda.
Oh. Thanks, carl.
[gulp gulp]
Huh? Ew!
April fools'! Ha ha ha!
Thanks for the laugh,
Everybody likes
making fun of johnny.
Oh, there, there,
Not everyone takes
advantage of you
on april fools' day.
I--i guess
you're right, mama.
Oh, look!
A rattlesnake!
Rattlesnake?! Augh!
Oh, relax,
sweetie, relax.
It's not a real snake.
April fools'!
Ha ha ha!
Oh, no! It bit me!
It bit me!
Oh, johnny, johnny,
Help! Help!
I'll save you, mama!
Dirty, little,
slimy, cold-blooded--
Hah! Hah! Huh!
Johnny, johnny,
it's just a washing
machine hose.
Now give it
back to me.
I'm doing a load
of whites later.
I'm going to think of
an april fools' day joke
If it takes me all week!
[rooster crows]
Ah! Ugh!
Duh! I've got it!
I'm glad you
really do
Have a crush on johnny,
ms. Williams.
He'll be so happy
to hear it.
Oh, susie
and her teacher
ms. Williams.
What a coincidence
to run into you two!
Hi, johnny.
I was just wondering--
if you could play
Another april fools'
joke on johnny?
Oh, well.
No hard feelings.
Let's be friends.
Oh, gee, i'm sorry.
Here, smell my flower.
Ha ha ha!
Stupid flower.
Let me wipe off
your face
With this pie!
Hey, april fools'!
Ha ha ha!
Johnny, april fools'
was yesterday.
Huh? Oh, right.
So, you still want
to go out with me?
Oo! Ow! Oo! Ow!
Where's your
sense of humor?
Ow! Oo!
Girls just don't have
a sense of humor.
Tower to pilot.
Tower to pilot.
We're tracking
your approach
And opening
our hangar doors
of yummy goodness.
Tower to pilot!
May day! May day!
You're coming in too low!
Pull up, man! Pull up!
Dang wind shear.
Woman: Hello, handsome.
Mind if i sit here?
Hey, look out!
You're crushing
the international terminal.
Hubba, hubba, hubba.
Whatcha eatin'?
Pop's 5-alarm chili,
but you wouldn't like it.
I ordered it
with extra motor oil.
Mmm. Extra motor oil?
I love a man who loves
extra motor oil.
And i love a woman who
loves a man who loves a--
Uh, what was
that first part again?
Kiss me, johnny.
Kiss me like i've never
been kissed before.
Hmm. Ok.
Eee! Ugh! Ahh!
Wait! Johnny, stop!
She's not real!
This is all
a terrible dream.
What are you
talking about?
You're not really here.
You're asleep in my
dream research facility.
And i'm having
a tiny problem
waking you up.
Now. Where were we?
But i have a theory!
Perhaps, a sudden
traumatic shock
will wake you.
Quick! Slap yourself silly
about the face and neck.
What are you
waiting for, johnny?
Kiss me.
You do want to
wake up, don't you?
[rustle of paper]
Now, how about you
and me go someplace
a little more quiet?
Oh, i love swedish
karate movies.
Don't you, johnny?
I think i may be falling
in love with you, uh,
Whatever your name is,
But first,
i have to know
What are
your intentions?
[inaudible whispering]
Oh! Mama!
But first, i want--
You to clean your room.
And don't forget
to take out the garbage.
Mama?! What's
going on here?
There was a beautiful
chick sitting there
a second ago.
That's what i was trying
to tell you, johnny.
In the dream state,
everything you think of
becomes a reality.
Now, quick. Dump
your soda on your head
so you can wake up.
That's the stupidest thing
i ever heard.
If everything
i thought came true,
What's to stop me
from thinking of
a giant pterodactyl
Flying in and carrying
you off for food?
[caw caw]
It worked!
I am dreaming!
And another thing,
How many times have
i told you not to bathe
in the dishwasher?!
I don't need
to listen to this.
I can just think
my chick back.
Hey, how youse doin'?
Aw, dreamgirl,
You're everything i've
ever wanted in a woman.
You're beautiful,
and you smell
like baloney.
Oh, i'm sorry.
I couldn't hear you.
My senses were blunted
By your extraordinarily
good looks.
Pretty and smart!
Oh, this will be
the first date i--
Uh, i mean,
the best date
i ever had!
[wolf howls]
Dreamgirl: Oh, johnny,
the stars, the moon,
The '67 hot tub car.
It's all so perfect!
Thanks! You know
in real life
Only the televangelists
have hot tub cars.
More sarsaparilla,
my pet?
Thanks. What are you
thinking, johnny?
Hmm. I guess i'm
just thinking how
amazingly cool i am.
And the fact that--huh?
Ah! Oh, no!
W-w-what did i do?
Warm, sandy beach!
Warm, sandy beach!
Warm, sandy beach!
Ahh, that's the ticket.
Now to get
my dream chick back.
Oh, johnny,
the sand, the sun--
It's all so perfect!
What are you thinking?
Oh, no, no, no, no
Every time
i start thinking,
Something horrible happens.
Well, then, you just
lie back and enjoy
your little dream.
And whatever you do,
don't think of me
As a horrible, one-eyed,
tentacled sea monster.
Got to wake up!
Got to wake up!
[clack clack]
[clack clack]
Still not waking up.
Man, i must have
fallen asleep watching
public television.
Hey, you guys,
help me wake up!
Uh, uh, conk me
on the head or something.
No can do, blond one.
Our tribe is peaceful
and sedentary.
Huh? I guess that's
why you're all a bunch
Of poi-eating,
grass skirt-wearing yahoos!
Get him!
Come on, harder.
Is that the best you got?
Oh, you call that aim?
Oh, that will doUgh!
Wake up, sir.
Wake up.
W-w-where am i?
You're at the clinic
for gastric disorders.
You came in 3 days ago
After eating a bowl
of wax fruit.
Wow, thank goodness.
Hey, you know,
it's funny.
You look just like the girl
in the dream i just had.
I am the girl of
your dreams, johnny.
Look familiar?
What the--carl!
Sorry, johnny.
I had to wake you.
You were reaching
dream com 4.
Unhook these stupid wires.
I want to go home.
No can do.
As a participant
in this study,
You're required
to stay here
72 more hours
For testing
and observation.
But don't worry.
I'll be right
by your side
the whole time.
Huh, sleep,
johnny, sleep.
I want to go to sleep.
Send me back to sleep!
Maybe i should try
that warm milk thing.
Carl: Consider the turkey,
A creature
so amazingly stupid,
It will stare up
at a rainstorm with
its mouth wide open
Until it actually drowns.
Hey, what is
everybody looking at?
Is it that thing?
Come on, tell me.
I'll be your best friend.
Oh, i see it now!
No, that's not it.
Aw, come on, guys.
Just give me a hint.
[sniff sniff]
Bread crumbs.
He's close.
I can feel it.
Man: Subs!
We got big subs!
Come get
your big subs!
A sandwich is a sly
but predictable creature.
Though he is
a noble beast,
The food chain
must prevail.
Bloated from
its noonday meal,
It fails to sense
my approach.
Steady, johnny, steady.
Sandwiches are smart.
No wonder they've
remained unchanged
for millions of years.
Johnny: Huh!
Man: Hello, operator?
What do you mean,
please deposit 75 cents?
I'm fishlips malone,
see? Nyah!
It's a good thing there
were no witnesses around.
One more offense,
and they'd send me up the
river for good, see? Nyah.
Hey, look, everybody!
It's fishlips malone
shaking down a pay phone!
He's a famous bad guy.
One more offense,
and they'll send him up
the river for good.
Can i have a quarter,
mr. Fishlips?
You just made
a big mistake, kid.
Take it easy,
I'd never
squeal on you
Unless someone paid me
for the story.
Hey, how much do you
think i could get?
Why you--now i'm
going to shut you up
for good, see? Nyah.
Hey, look!
Big sale on ice picks!
Huh? Where?
la la de
day day doo
Carl, you got
to hide me.
I fingered
fishlips malone
For shaking down
a pay phone.
And now he wants
to gut me like a kipper.
Why should i help you?
You're the one
who was stupid enough
To go blabbing
that you're a witness.
Hmm. Good point.
Look, this is carl.
I told him what you did.
He's a witness now, too.
Look, johnny.
Racks of women's
Let's disguise
It's our only chance.
What?! Johnny bravo
ain't dressin' up
In no frilly
chick clothes.
No way, no how.
Anybody seen
two lowlife rats?
'cause when
i find them,
I'm going to tear
them both apart!
So then i says
to him, i says,
I don't care if
you are a millionaire.
I'm not
that kind of girl!
Oh, pardon me, ladies.
Whoo! That was
a close one.
Shut up and get
this stuff off me.
I smell
all perfumy.
Woman: All right, girls.
Everyone on the bus.
Carl: What?! Whoa!
Bravo: Hey, hey,
quit shoving!
Watch the hair.
This is going
to be the best
23rd annual miss perky
beauty pageant ever!
did you hear that?
We're on our way
to a beauty pageant!
But i look terrible
In strapless
evening wear.
I'm out of here.
Johnny, no!
We have to stay
in disguise.
As terrible
as it may sound,
Our only chance
to stay alive is
To remain surrounded
by hundreds of
beautiful women
For days
and days and days.
Bravo: Sweeeeeet!
Woman: All right, girls!
I want you signed in
And ready to rehearse
in one hour.
Carl, uh
Carla chryniszzwics.
Woman: Room 21.
Next! Name.
Uh, mitch, uh
Mitch checkout
time is at 2.
It's polish.
Woman: I love your name.
It sounds so made-up!
Thanks. I love you!
I know. I love
all the girls.
So, want to be
Hubba hubba hubba.
I'm afraid mitch
is rooming with me,
young lady.
Oh, too bad. I hate
rooming all alone.
It makes me
all goosepimply.
Well, bye.
Johnny, no!
We've got to
stay incognito!
Oh, but these cognitos
are chafing me.
Everyone in their
tight-fitting leotards
For the big dance number!
Good, ladies!
Now lift and push
and step and kick.
Ok. Stop, stop,
stop, stop!
You with the enormously
broad shoulders,
Step forward.
You talking to me?
This is
a beauty pageant,
Not a rugby scrum.
Show some grace,
some style.
And for goodness' sake,
shave your legs!
You look like
a longshoreman.
You want a piece
of me, tango boy?
Johnny, look!
Malone: Say, any of
you ladies seen
these two bozos?
I'm trying to
find them so i can
gut them like kipper.
i like bein' a chick
That's my girl!
Oh, i can't believe
the big night is
finally here.
I feel all
Norma, there's something
i need to tell you.
I know.
I hope you win, too.
Your finger puppet
reenactment of
the civil war
Went over real big.
Aw, what do i do,
finger puppet?
I love norma,
but if i reveal
my identity
I'll be gutted
like a kipper.
You've got to follow
your heart, johnny.
Then burn atlanta!
General sherman
is right!
And now
our next contestant,
Mitch check out time
is at 2.
Mitch, as well all know,
War is very, very bad.
As miss perky,
what single thing
would you do
To bring about
world peace?
Um, um, i'm a man!
Audience: Ah!
You lousy stool pigeon,
I'm going to gut
you like--
I know, like a kipper.
Listen, could you
make it quick?
My mascara is clumping.
Stop! Don't hurt mitch.
She may be a guy,
but she's the best
girlfriend i ever had.
Sorry, doll.
This is business.
Well, i can't
respect anyone
Who solves
their problems
with violence.
Hmm. I never
looked at it from
that perspective before.
All right,
the mug's free to go.
Thanks, norma.
You saved my life.
Now how about
letting me show you
Why i was voted
miss congeniality.
Could i borrow
your black jack?
Oo! Ah! Oo! Ah!
Oh, you smudged
my makeup!
Watch the lips.
Ow! Oo!
Come on, fishlips.
You may be
a bloodthirsty gangster,
But you know how
to treat a girl.
Aw, this place stinks.
Come on, carl.
Let's get out of here.
This is the
happiest day
of my life.
Bravo: What?!
How could you pick him?
He's not even a chick.
He's a guy!
Well, i suppose
i can admit it now.
I'm a guy.
So am i.
Me, too.
Huh. Didn't see
that coming.
Johnny: Look out.
Huh! Ha!
Ohhhh, mama!
A babe! Have mercy!
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
Captioned by the national
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