Johnny Bravo (1997) s03e07 Episode Script
Dental Hijinks/Little Red Riding Johnny/Pouch Potato
1
One, two, three, ha!
Baby.
Sassy.
Man, i'm pretty.
Do the monkey with me!
Come on!
Hey there, baby.
Yeah, whatever.
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
Hey, mama bought
some new ice cream.
MmmPizza fudge ripple.
My favorite!
Ahhhh
Ahhh!!
My tooth! The pain!
The horrible pain!
MmmCreamy.
Ahhh
Ahhh!!
The stabbing knives of pain!
Hey, it's got nuts in it.
Ahhhh
Ahhhh!!
Johnny! What's all
the commotion here?
Oh, i got
a toothache, mama.
Have you been brushing
your teeth, young man?
Yes, mama.
I've been using this
baking soda and peroxide,
Just like you told me.
Johnny, that's not
baking soda
and peroxide,
That's cane sugar
and molasses.
Tomato, to-mahto.
Ahhh!!
Oh, my poor baby.
Let's get you to
the dental college
And get those teeth
checked out right away.
For free!
The dental college?
Oh, please, mama,
don't take me
to the dental college!
I'm afraid of
the dental college!
Oh, did i say
dental college?
I meant, um,
the happy fun park.
Ooh! Happy fun park!
Happy fun park!
Let's go!
Let's go! Let's go!
And i want to go on
the twisty slide,
And then i'll go on
the bumper cars,
And then we can go
on the log flume.
We're the bravos.
We have an appointment
to go on the rides.
Yes, mrs. Bravo.
The dentist will see you now.
Dentist?
Oh! She means
the horsey ride guy!
Ooh. Horsey ride.
I'll wait out here,
johnny.
I can't stand to hear
your howls of pain.
Er, uh, i mean,
your squeals of
boyish delight.
Ok, mama.
Ooh. Rocket chair!
Three, two, one,
liftoff!
Wooo!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Woooo!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
Rocket-y!
Man: Hello, johnny.
I'm jeremy de sade, dds.
Professor of root decay
and molar dysfunction.
Yeah, whatever.
Can i have $5.00 worth
of quarters?
No.
Now, i'm told that
you suffer from extreme
Dento-laryngitical
distress.
You talk funny.
Hey, which way to
the whack-a-sloth game?
I feel like
hitting something.
Hmmm
Your tremendous pain
seems to have induced
a hallucinatory state.
How delicious.
Right. Well,
i'll just go find
a change machine and--
Oh, i'm afraid you're
not going anywhere
Until we've given
the old choppers
a once-over.
Uh, look, mister,
you don't have to change
my quarters,
I'll just go
over to skeeball
Where the change guys
aren't quite so creepy.
Relax, johnny.
Pain is just
nature's way of
telling you
You're in
horrible agony.
Now, open wide
Ahh! Mad change guy!
Mad change guy!
You won't escape,
johnny!
Louise, hold my calls.
We've got a runner.
I'd better hide in here.
Hmmm.
Must be the hall of
giant chattering joke teeth.
Every fun park has one.
Desade: Johnny.
Oh, johnny,
my boy.
Where are you, johnny?
Are you in here?
Johnny: No
Well, if you were in here,
where might you be hiding?
Johnny: Definitely not
inside these giant teeth.
Ooh, how delicious.
Ahh!
Ahh!
Ahh!
Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!
Now i've got you.
I win!
Give me
a stuffed panda.
Grrrrr!
Ahh!
Hey, a fun slide.
He'll never find me
in here.
Whoa!!
HmmmMust be the room
of wacky costumes.
Ha! Ho! Ha! Ha! Ho!
Ooh, look at me.
I'm a spooky janitor.
Doctor,
where have you been?
The patient is
waiting.
Huh?
Thank you,
thank you very much.
And now, dr. Schmengee
will perform his famous
Lateral frontal
bicuspidectomy
On a random volunteer.
[gasp]
Johnny?
Carl, what are
you doing here at
the happy fun park?
This isn't a fun park,
johnny.
It's krelman's
dental college.
Dental college?
That would explain
the lack of freakish
carny workers.
You're not gonna
do dentistry to me,
are you, johnny?
Me? I wouldn't touch
your mouth if my life
depended on it.
Then what are you doing
wearing those clothes?
Has anyone seen
an escaped dental
patient?
Well, open wide,
it's time to begin
the dental surgery.
What? No! Wait!
He's not a doct--!
All righty,
i believe the patient
is now anesthetized.
[snoring]
The next step to be
performed by a dentist,
which i am,
Is to glue the foot
to the soft palette.
Next, we take
a black marker
And draw
a funny mustache on
the patient's face.
Eh, doctor.
Aren't your
methods
A tad dangerous
for the patient?
How dare you, a pastry chef,
question my methods.
I'm not a pastry chef!
I'm a dentist!
Really? Can you
do something about
this toothache?
It's killing me.
You!
Ahh!
[laughs]
At last, i have you
right where i want you.
Johnny: No! No! Nooo!!
Ok, everything's peachy.
You just had a pine nut
stuck in your gum.
Really? Sweet!
I'm outta here!
Wait! Don't forget your
complimentary lollipop.
Thanks, doc.
Mmmm
More strained beets,
johnny?
[muffled]
yes, please.
Mmm
Strain-y.
Hi, i'm congressman
mitch sweeney
And i'm soliciting
donations for my
re-election bid.
I don't think so,
dirtbag.
That, kung fu guy,
is a decision you will
live to regret.
[kung fu shouts]
Thank you,
kung fu guy.
Your efforts to rid
congress of liberal
tax and spend robots
Have made our nation
a better place.
When will you
trespassers ever learn?
[fighting]
Ha ha ha. Contusion-y.
Announcer: Squint ringo will
be back after these messages.
Hey kids, if you want to keep
trespassing lowlifes off your
property just like i do,
You'll want a pair of
squint ringo tungsten knuckles.
Cool!
How can i get a pair of
squint ringo tungsten knuckles?
Just send 97 labels from
krelman's prune spread to:
Knuckles, weybosset,
rhode island, 40023
Good thing mama always keeps
a big supply of krelman's
on hand.
There must be some
prune spread in here someplace.
"dear johnny,
we're out of prune spread.
Love, mama."
Nooooo!
Girl: 94, 95, 96
97 jars of krelman's.
[knock on door]
Hello, i am
a health inspector
Tracking a rancid batch
of prune spread.
You had better give me
all of the prune spread
you have.
Oh, i'm sorry, johnny.
Can't play now.
I'm taking a basket
of goodies to my granny
Who lives in a house
in the woods.
All right, i tried
to reason with you,
Now give me that basket!
Ahh! I'm trapped!
tra la la la la la la la
Ah! I'll starve to death!
I'll have to eat my belt!
And then how will
i keep my pants up?
Oh.
"appalachian trail,
cumberland gap, addis ababa.
Grandma's house"!
I know, i'll change the signs,
Get what's her name
hopelessly lost,
Then steal her basket while
she's crying like a little girl.
Oh, johnny,
you are too smart.
la la la la la la la la
Huh?
That's strange.
I don't remember granny
living in that direction.
Good thing i have my
junior blue bird digital
geosynchronous compass.
Just as i thought.
The latitude is off 131 degrees.
tra la la la la la
It didn't work.
I know, i'll follow this
sign to granny's house
and wait for her.
Excuse me.
Can you tell me where
granny's house is?
["talking"]
Oh, left at the second
traffic light. Oh!
I know, i'll get rid
of this log so she can't
cross the stream.
Then, while she's whining
like a little baby,
I'll sneak off with her basket.
Ho! Ha! Ho! Ha!
The chess master makes his move.
Girl:
tra la la la la la
Uh-oh.
A junior blue bird
is always prepared.
Good thing i brought
my junior blue bird
bridge in a can.
tra la la la la la la
Ooh. She's a wily one.
But if that bridge can support
the weight of a small child,
Surely it can support me.
Perhaps i underestimated her.
Ahhhh!
Uh, granny's house?
Thanks.
MmmHigh energy
protein bars.
A hiker's best friend.
I'll nab the basket while
she's stuffing her face.
Better leave the rest for
any hungry woodland creatures.
tra la la la la la la la
Ha!
Oh.
Hello, mr. Feral wolf.
Grrrrr
You wouldn't know how to
get to granny's house,
would you?
Grrrr.
You could've just
drawn me a map.
"dear susie, i've gone to mall
for the big sneaker clearance.
Granny."
Hmmm
That gives me an idea.
Hello?
Granny, it's me.
I've brought a nice
basket of goodies.
[high-pitched voice]
oh, hello, susie.
Come in.
You look a little
different, granny.
[johnny's voice]
yeah, whatever.
[higher pitch]
did you bring
the prune spread?
Granny, what big
sunglasses you have!
Yes, well, the better
to see you with when
it's glary out.
And, granny,
what big hair you have!
Yeah, well, chicks dig
big hair, you know.
And my, granny,
you've really bulked up.
Yeah, well, um
Give me that
prune spread!
Johnny!
Ha ha ha.
I got it.
Victory is mine!
Hey, this ain't
krelman's prune spread.
Susie: No, it's
krelman's mango butter.
Prune spread gives
granny indigestion.
Oh, i'll never get
my squint ringo tungsten
knuckles now.
I'm just a big,
stupid loser.
I know, johnny.
But don't feel bad.
Here, have a protein bar.
Grrrr
Johnny: Down, boy!
And they lived
happily ever after,
Except for the painful
rabies shots.
tra la la la la la la la
Thus, we see how man has evolved
To realize his ultimate
modern potential.
Hep!
Ha! Huh!
Hey, how come
he gets a banana?
MmmmBanana.
[monkey noises]
Mad johnny thunders through
the australian outback
On the search for
the post-atomic future's
most valuable commodity.
Sandwich bags.
Suddenly, he's set on by
a gang of kangaroo biker punks.
He swerves to avoid them!
Woman: Sir, sir!
Hurry! Get these
sandwich bags
To the orphans
at the thunderdome.
Woman: Sir!
Please stop pretending you're
in a post-apocalyptic future.
You're disturbing the other
people on the tour.
Johnny: You call
this an australian
theme park?
Where are all
the great white sharks
And boomerangs
and leprechauns
and junk?
Look, mate, if you'll just
pipe down and pay attention,
I promise to give you
an extra gob of vegemite
at snack time.
Oh, coming on
to me, huh?
Yeah, i've heard you
germans like to make
the first move.
Look! Is that
a dingo tap dancing with
olivia newton-john?
What? Where?
Stop the tram!
That her?
No, that's the dingo.
Wait a minute.
I don't see anything!
Ok, i'll, uh,
i'll wait here then.
Aw, look,
an adorable koala.
Well, hello, mr. Koala.
Aren't you a cute
little fuzzy wuzzy
little koala?
Ahhh!
Ahhh!
Huh! Ha ha!
Trapped. Stranded.
Alone in a harsh,
unforgiving wilderness at
an australian theme park.
I wonder what
will get me first.
Hunger? The loneliness?
The lack of clean living?
Kangaroos?
Kangaroos?
If i can roam among them,
get them to like me,
Gain their trust
Then i can steal their food.
Hello,
you stupid kangaroo.
That's right,
i smell a lot
better than you.
Look, a shiny nickel.
That's right,
now go get it, einstein.
Ha ha! Psych!
That's why a man bestrides
the earth like a colossus,
Ruling all that
creeps or hops--
I want a rematch!
This time,
i'll dazzle him with
my fancy footwork.
Whoa! Whoa!
How about a bracing
game of checkers?
Help! Mad kangaroo!
He's all hopped up
on eucalyptus!
["talking"]
Hold me back!
Hold me back!
He's lucky
my chick's here.
Hey, you're a mama
kangaroo, ain't ya?
Well, anyway, nice
to meet you, lady.
Now if you
could just point me
the way to the--
Hey! What the--!
Oh, no,
not in your pouch.
[struggling]
Ooh, snugly.
Looks like the only way
i can stay alive in this
harsh environment
Is to learn the ways
of the kangaroo.
With my new
mama teaching me,
it'll be a snap.
If i can just
keep my lunch down.
No thanks, kanga-mama.
Johnny does
his own grooming.
Let's see now.
This tree sap should
make a nice hair gel.
Oh, yeah!
Primitive, yet stylish.
Eww, gruesome.
I'll bet if i help
roozilla over there
With some of
my styling secrets,
I can get on his good side.
I, uh, notice you got
a little bald spot,
So i'm just gonna
comb it over a bit.
Now, see,
you got a big forehead,
So you want to push
the hair up and back.
Oh, it's like looking
in some kind of smelly,
Sub-equatorial
marsupial mirror.
He must have a very
negative body image.
["talking"]
No thanks, kanga-mama.
I'll catch up.
All the kangaroo guys are
calling me a mama's boy.
From now on,
i travel johnny style.
Ha! Pogo-y.
I don't suppose
any of you kangaroos is
a licensed chiropractor?
Ah, there's nothing more
relaxing than sundown at
the watering hole.
Well, what are you all
standing around for?
Let's drink!
Oh, i get it.
The water must fill
your walnut-sized brains
With fear and
superstitious dread.
Here, let johnny show
you how there's nothing
to be afraid of.
Once again, i,
a highly evolved human,
Must take the lead.
You know, you've got
a little piece of platypus
on your back tooth here.
Ahhhh!
[laughing]
You mangy marsupials!
You set me up!
Ah, it's no use,
kanga-mama.
I don't fit in.
I'm just a big,
pouchless loser.
The authorities frown on
hunting animals in the zoo,
But that won't stop me,
boomerang cain,
Tasmania's foremost
kangaroo hunter.
If only i hadn't lost
my glasses during that
wild animal attack.
Why, hello there.
Say, you're a
cute little rascal,
ain't you?
Blimey.
There's a big honking kangaroo.
Look at the shanks on him!
I'll never be a kangaroo.
Never ever, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever, ever, ever!
Freeze, kangaroo!
You talking to me,
frenchie?
I think you made
a little mistake.
Cor! You're
mighty well-spoken
for a kangaroo.
I'll bet your tongue
and palette will fetch
a hefty price.
Look, i'll explain
it to you slow.
I..Am..Not..A..Kanga--
Saint crispin's day!
Help!
Mad kangaroo poacher!
Save me, kanga-mama!
A lady kangaroo.
She'll make a fine
batch of cutlets.
You just made a big
mistake, frenchie.
No one, i mean, no one,
messes with johnny's mama.
All right, all right, i know,
i'm a shining, gleaming man-god.
Hey, quit licking me.
What the heck's
going on here?
Tour guide lady!
You found me!
Now you can
take me home.
Boomerang cain.
We've been trying to catch
this scallywag for years.
Heh!
Take him away, boys!
I guess you'll want
to reward me now.
I take cash,
credit cards,
And sloppy southern
hemisphere smooches.
How about if i toss
you in the slammer for
harassing my roos?
Hey, man, why don't you
just have them give you
a pair of glasses?
Quiet, kangaroo,
you're spoiling me aim.
I want my kanga-mama.
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
Captioned by the national
One, two, three, ha!
Baby.
Sassy.
Man, i'm pretty.
Do the monkey with me!
Come on!
Hey there, baby.
Yeah, whatever.
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
Hey, mama bought
some new ice cream.
MmmPizza fudge ripple.
My favorite!
Ahhhh
Ahhh!!
My tooth! The pain!
The horrible pain!
MmmCreamy.
Ahhh
Ahhh!!
The stabbing knives of pain!
Hey, it's got nuts in it.
Ahhhh
Ahhhh!!
Johnny! What's all
the commotion here?
Oh, i got
a toothache, mama.
Have you been brushing
your teeth, young man?
Yes, mama.
I've been using this
baking soda and peroxide,
Just like you told me.
Johnny, that's not
baking soda
and peroxide,
That's cane sugar
and molasses.
Tomato, to-mahto.
Ahhh!!
Oh, my poor baby.
Let's get you to
the dental college
And get those teeth
checked out right away.
For free!
The dental college?
Oh, please, mama,
don't take me
to the dental college!
I'm afraid of
the dental college!
Oh, did i say
dental college?
I meant, um,
the happy fun park.
Ooh! Happy fun park!
Happy fun park!
Let's go!
Let's go! Let's go!
And i want to go on
the twisty slide,
And then i'll go on
the bumper cars,
And then we can go
on the log flume.
We're the bravos.
We have an appointment
to go on the rides.
Yes, mrs. Bravo.
The dentist will see you now.
Dentist?
Oh! She means
the horsey ride guy!
Ooh. Horsey ride.
I'll wait out here,
johnny.
I can't stand to hear
your howls of pain.
Er, uh, i mean,
your squeals of
boyish delight.
Ok, mama.
Ooh. Rocket chair!
Three, two, one,
liftoff!
Wooo!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Woooo!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
Rocket-y!
Man: Hello, johnny.
I'm jeremy de sade, dds.
Professor of root decay
and molar dysfunction.
Yeah, whatever.
Can i have $5.00 worth
of quarters?
No.
Now, i'm told that
you suffer from extreme
Dento-laryngitical
distress.
You talk funny.
Hey, which way to
the whack-a-sloth game?
I feel like
hitting something.
Hmmm
Your tremendous pain
seems to have induced
a hallucinatory state.
How delicious.
Right. Well,
i'll just go find
a change machine and--
Oh, i'm afraid you're
not going anywhere
Until we've given
the old choppers
a once-over.
Uh, look, mister,
you don't have to change
my quarters,
I'll just go
over to skeeball
Where the change guys
aren't quite so creepy.
Relax, johnny.
Pain is just
nature's way of
telling you
You're in
horrible agony.
Now, open wide
Ahh! Mad change guy!
Mad change guy!
You won't escape,
johnny!
Louise, hold my calls.
We've got a runner.
I'd better hide in here.
Hmmm.
Must be the hall of
giant chattering joke teeth.
Every fun park has one.
Desade: Johnny.
Oh, johnny,
my boy.
Where are you, johnny?
Are you in here?
Johnny: No
Well, if you were in here,
where might you be hiding?
Johnny: Definitely not
inside these giant teeth.
Ooh, how delicious.
Ahh!
Ahh!
Ahh!
Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!
Now i've got you.
I win!
Give me
a stuffed panda.
Grrrrr!
Ahh!
Hey, a fun slide.
He'll never find me
in here.
Whoa!!
HmmmMust be the room
of wacky costumes.
Ha! Ho! Ha! Ha! Ho!
Ooh, look at me.
I'm a spooky janitor.
Doctor,
where have you been?
The patient is
waiting.
Huh?
Thank you,
thank you very much.
And now, dr. Schmengee
will perform his famous
Lateral frontal
bicuspidectomy
On a random volunteer.
[gasp]
Johnny?
Carl, what are
you doing here at
the happy fun park?
This isn't a fun park,
johnny.
It's krelman's
dental college.
Dental college?
That would explain
the lack of freakish
carny workers.
You're not gonna
do dentistry to me,
are you, johnny?
Me? I wouldn't touch
your mouth if my life
depended on it.
Then what are you doing
wearing those clothes?
Has anyone seen
an escaped dental
patient?
Well, open wide,
it's time to begin
the dental surgery.
What? No! Wait!
He's not a doct--!
All righty,
i believe the patient
is now anesthetized.
[snoring]
The next step to be
performed by a dentist,
which i am,
Is to glue the foot
to the soft palette.
Next, we take
a black marker
And draw
a funny mustache on
the patient's face.
Eh, doctor.
Aren't your
methods
A tad dangerous
for the patient?
How dare you, a pastry chef,
question my methods.
I'm not a pastry chef!
I'm a dentist!
Really? Can you
do something about
this toothache?
It's killing me.
You!
Ahh!
[laughs]
At last, i have you
right where i want you.
Johnny: No! No! Nooo!!
Ok, everything's peachy.
You just had a pine nut
stuck in your gum.
Really? Sweet!
I'm outta here!
Wait! Don't forget your
complimentary lollipop.
Thanks, doc.
Mmmm
More strained beets,
johnny?
[muffled]
yes, please.
Mmm
Strain-y.
Hi, i'm congressman
mitch sweeney
And i'm soliciting
donations for my
re-election bid.
I don't think so,
dirtbag.
That, kung fu guy,
is a decision you will
live to regret.
[kung fu shouts]
Thank you,
kung fu guy.
Your efforts to rid
congress of liberal
tax and spend robots
Have made our nation
a better place.
When will you
trespassers ever learn?
[fighting]
Ha ha ha. Contusion-y.
Announcer: Squint ringo will
be back after these messages.
Hey kids, if you want to keep
trespassing lowlifes off your
property just like i do,
You'll want a pair of
squint ringo tungsten knuckles.
Cool!
How can i get a pair of
squint ringo tungsten knuckles?
Just send 97 labels from
krelman's prune spread to:
Knuckles, weybosset,
rhode island, 40023
Good thing mama always keeps
a big supply of krelman's
on hand.
There must be some
prune spread in here someplace.
"dear johnny,
we're out of prune spread.
Love, mama."
Nooooo!
Girl: 94, 95, 96
97 jars of krelman's.
[knock on door]
Hello, i am
a health inspector
Tracking a rancid batch
of prune spread.
You had better give me
all of the prune spread
you have.
Oh, i'm sorry, johnny.
Can't play now.
I'm taking a basket
of goodies to my granny
Who lives in a house
in the woods.
All right, i tried
to reason with you,
Now give me that basket!
Ahh! I'm trapped!
tra la la la la la la la
Ah! I'll starve to death!
I'll have to eat my belt!
And then how will
i keep my pants up?
Oh.
"appalachian trail,
cumberland gap, addis ababa.
Grandma's house"!
I know, i'll change the signs,
Get what's her name
hopelessly lost,
Then steal her basket while
she's crying like a little girl.
Oh, johnny,
you are too smart.
la la la la la la la la
Huh?
That's strange.
I don't remember granny
living in that direction.
Good thing i have my
junior blue bird digital
geosynchronous compass.
Just as i thought.
The latitude is off 131 degrees.
tra la la la la la
It didn't work.
I know, i'll follow this
sign to granny's house
and wait for her.
Excuse me.
Can you tell me where
granny's house is?
["talking"]
Oh, left at the second
traffic light. Oh!
I know, i'll get rid
of this log so she can't
cross the stream.
Then, while she's whining
like a little baby,
I'll sneak off with her basket.
Ho! Ha! Ho! Ha!
The chess master makes his move.
Girl:
tra la la la la la
Uh-oh.
A junior blue bird
is always prepared.
Good thing i brought
my junior blue bird
bridge in a can.
tra la la la la la la
Ooh. She's a wily one.
But if that bridge can support
the weight of a small child,
Surely it can support me.
Perhaps i underestimated her.
Ahhhh!
Uh, granny's house?
Thanks.
MmmHigh energy
protein bars.
A hiker's best friend.
I'll nab the basket while
she's stuffing her face.
Better leave the rest for
any hungry woodland creatures.
tra la la la la la la la
Ha!
Oh.
Hello, mr. Feral wolf.
Grrrrr
You wouldn't know how to
get to granny's house,
would you?
Grrrr.
You could've just
drawn me a map.
"dear susie, i've gone to mall
for the big sneaker clearance.
Granny."
Hmmm
That gives me an idea.
Hello?
Granny, it's me.
I've brought a nice
basket of goodies.
[high-pitched voice]
oh, hello, susie.
Come in.
You look a little
different, granny.
[johnny's voice]
yeah, whatever.
[higher pitch]
did you bring
the prune spread?
Granny, what big
sunglasses you have!
Yes, well, the better
to see you with when
it's glary out.
And, granny,
what big hair you have!
Yeah, well, chicks dig
big hair, you know.
And my, granny,
you've really bulked up.
Yeah, well, um
Give me that
prune spread!
Johnny!
Ha ha ha.
I got it.
Victory is mine!
Hey, this ain't
krelman's prune spread.
Susie: No, it's
krelman's mango butter.
Prune spread gives
granny indigestion.
Oh, i'll never get
my squint ringo tungsten
knuckles now.
I'm just a big,
stupid loser.
I know, johnny.
But don't feel bad.
Here, have a protein bar.
Grrrr
Johnny: Down, boy!
And they lived
happily ever after,
Except for the painful
rabies shots.
tra la la la la la la la
Thus, we see how man has evolved
To realize his ultimate
modern potential.
Hep!
Ha! Huh!
Hey, how come
he gets a banana?
MmmmBanana.
[monkey noises]
Mad johnny thunders through
the australian outback
On the search for
the post-atomic future's
most valuable commodity.
Sandwich bags.
Suddenly, he's set on by
a gang of kangaroo biker punks.
He swerves to avoid them!
Woman: Sir, sir!
Hurry! Get these
sandwich bags
To the orphans
at the thunderdome.
Woman: Sir!
Please stop pretending you're
in a post-apocalyptic future.
You're disturbing the other
people on the tour.
Johnny: You call
this an australian
theme park?
Where are all
the great white sharks
And boomerangs
and leprechauns
and junk?
Look, mate, if you'll just
pipe down and pay attention,
I promise to give you
an extra gob of vegemite
at snack time.
Oh, coming on
to me, huh?
Yeah, i've heard you
germans like to make
the first move.
Look! Is that
a dingo tap dancing with
olivia newton-john?
What? Where?
Stop the tram!
That her?
No, that's the dingo.
Wait a minute.
I don't see anything!
Ok, i'll, uh,
i'll wait here then.
Aw, look,
an adorable koala.
Well, hello, mr. Koala.
Aren't you a cute
little fuzzy wuzzy
little koala?
Ahhh!
Ahhh!
Huh! Ha ha!
Trapped. Stranded.
Alone in a harsh,
unforgiving wilderness at
an australian theme park.
I wonder what
will get me first.
Hunger? The loneliness?
The lack of clean living?
Kangaroos?
Kangaroos?
If i can roam among them,
get them to like me,
Gain their trust
Then i can steal their food.
Hello,
you stupid kangaroo.
That's right,
i smell a lot
better than you.
Look, a shiny nickel.
That's right,
now go get it, einstein.
Ha ha! Psych!
That's why a man bestrides
the earth like a colossus,
Ruling all that
creeps or hops--
I want a rematch!
This time,
i'll dazzle him with
my fancy footwork.
Whoa! Whoa!
How about a bracing
game of checkers?
Help! Mad kangaroo!
He's all hopped up
on eucalyptus!
["talking"]
Hold me back!
Hold me back!
He's lucky
my chick's here.
Hey, you're a mama
kangaroo, ain't ya?
Well, anyway, nice
to meet you, lady.
Now if you
could just point me
the way to the--
Hey! What the--!
Oh, no,
not in your pouch.
[struggling]
Ooh, snugly.
Looks like the only way
i can stay alive in this
harsh environment
Is to learn the ways
of the kangaroo.
With my new
mama teaching me,
it'll be a snap.
If i can just
keep my lunch down.
No thanks, kanga-mama.
Johnny does
his own grooming.
Let's see now.
This tree sap should
make a nice hair gel.
Oh, yeah!
Primitive, yet stylish.
Eww, gruesome.
I'll bet if i help
roozilla over there
With some of
my styling secrets,
I can get on his good side.
I, uh, notice you got
a little bald spot,
So i'm just gonna
comb it over a bit.
Now, see,
you got a big forehead,
So you want to push
the hair up and back.
Oh, it's like looking
in some kind of smelly,
Sub-equatorial
marsupial mirror.
He must have a very
negative body image.
["talking"]
No thanks, kanga-mama.
I'll catch up.
All the kangaroo guys are
calling me a mama's boy.
From now on,
i travel johnny style.
Ha! Pogo-y.
I don't suppose
any of you kangaroos is
a licensed chiropractor?
Ah, there's nothing more
relaxing than sundown at
the watering hole.
Well, what are you all
standing around for?
Let's drink!
Oh, i get it.
The water must fill
your walnut-sized brains
With fear and
superstitious dread.
Here, let johnny show
you how there's nothing
to be afraid of.
Once again, i,
a highly evolved human,
Must take the lead.
You know, you've got
a little piece of platypus
on your back tooth here.
Ahhhh!
[laughing]
You mangy marsupials!
You set me up!
Ah, it's no use,
kanga-mama.
I don't fit in.
I'm just a big,
pouchless loser.
The authorities frown on
hunting animals in the zoo,
But that won't stop me,
boomerang cain,
Tasmania's foremost
kangaroo hunter.
If only i hadn't lost
my glasses during that
wild animal attack.
Why, hello there.
Say, you're a
cute little rascal,
ain't you?
Blimey.
There's a big honking kangaroo.
Look at the shanks on him!
I'll never be a kangaroo.
Never ever, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever, ever, ever!
Freeze, kangaroo!
You talking to me,
frenchie?
I think you made
a little mistake.
Cor! You're
mighty well-spoken
for a kangaroo.
I'll bet your tongue
and palette will fetch
a hefty price.
Look, i'll explain
it to you slow.
I..Am..Not..A..Kanga--
Saint crispin's day!
Help!
Mad kangaroo poacher!
Save me, kanga-mama!
A lady kangaroo.
She'll make a fine
batch of cutlets.
You just made a big
mistake, frenchie.
No one, i mean, no one,
messes with johnny's mama.
All right, all right, i know,
i'm a shining, gleaming man-god.
Hey, quit licking me.
What the heck's
going on here?
Tour guide lady!
You found me!
Now you can
take me home.
Boomerang cain.
We've been trying to catch
this scallywag for years.
Heh!
Take him away, boys!
I guess you'll want
to reward me now.
I take cash,
credit cards,
And sloppy southern
hemisphere smooches.
How about if i toss
you in the slammer for
harassing my roos?
Hey, man, why don't you
just have them give you
a pair of glasses?
Quiet, kangaroo,
you're spoiling me aim.
I want my kanga-mama.
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
Captioned by the national