Johnny Bravo (1997) s03e09 Episode Script

1
1, 2, 3, yah!
Baby!
Sassy!
Man, i'm pretty!
Do the monkey with me!
Come on!
Hey there, baby.
Ow!
Yeah, whatever.
Captioning made possible by
Turner entertainment group
And u.S. Department of education
[static]
Test one. Test two.
Hello. Oh. I'm johnny bravo,
And i'm proud to
submit this video
To you good people
at america's wackiest
self-inflicted injuries.
Do we have tone?
And we're ready to go
in 5, 4, 3, 2--
Whoa!
Whoa!
Ok. Let's get one more
for coverage.
Uh-oh.
[dogs barking]
What a magnificent
specimen.
It will make me,
world-famous
anthropologist
Richard leaking,
world-famous!
Now to thaw it,
open its stomach,
And carbon date
its last meal.
Uhh
It lives!
[thunder]
A walking, breathing
example of pre-ice age
cave human,
Possibly the missing
link between ape
and man.
Hey, buddy, i think
you got the wrong idea.
You see, i--
Woman: Father
Where shall i put
these specimens?
[stammering]
Never mind that, lucy.
We've got a new specimen.
He's going to require your
constant care and attention.
How does that sound
to you, big fella?
[grunts]
Me john-ny.
Me cave man.
Me want mate and, uh,
pizza tots, if you got any.
You see, lucy, if john-ny
is the missing link,
He should be able to score
higher on simple intelligence
tests than this rhesus monkey.
Is he ready to begin the test?
I'll see, father.
John-ny, are you ready?
[grunts]
Sure, knock yourself out.
AndBegin.
[screeching]
Hmm.
Grr!
[sniffs]
Ooh.
[screeches]
7 seconds, excellent.
Lucy, how much faster did
johnny score?
[gagging]
[screeches]
Well, just because he swallowed
a peg doesn't mean he's stupider
than a monkey.
Hey! A red flavored one.
[screeches]
This exercise in
deductive reasoning
Will prove that john-ny
is more advanced
than a monkey.
Ready to begin the test,
father.
[screeching]
Hmm. Not bad at all.
How did john-ny do?
These stool-wings will
help me get that banana.
Better flight test them first.
Johnny away!
Ooh!
On behalf of the flight crew,
I'd like to wish you all
a pleasant day.
And the winner of
the nobel prize for science
Isn't dr. Richard leaking
because he's a big stupid
stupid-head.
I've tucked john-ny into bed
for the night, father.
Oh, lucy, if only
i could have found
Some link
between john-ny
and modern humans,
It would have made
my career.
Don't worry, father.
Come, let's go
to the kitchen.
I'll fix you a nice
hot cup of tea.
Both: Huh?
oh, someone's in the kitchen
with pancakes
someone's in the kitchen
i know, oh oh oh
Ahh!
Aah!
Hot metal monster
steals soul.
Cave man have much fear
of labor-saving appliances.
John-ny! You are
the missing link!
And i'll be famous
after all.
[doorbell rings]
Dr. Gordon, what an honor.
Leaking, what's all
this nonsense about
a missing link?
I promise you, sir, once
you see the creature you'll
be as excited as i am.
Indeed.
There, john-ny. You look
primitive, yet stylish.
Aah! Comb fill
cave man with fear!
Need hug.
Oh john-ny. You've made
father and me so happy.
It almost makes me wish
they weren't going
to dissect your brain
To learn its basic
chemical composition.
Yeah. Cave man have much fear
about the whole--what?
So farnsworth says to me,
"if i could walk that way,
i wouldn't need an occipital
tarsal bone."
[laughing]
Stop! I'm not the missing link.
I'm a perfectly modern human.
Look, i'll prove it.
swanee, how i love you,
how i love you,
my dear old swanee
Observe that i am holding
my spine pridefully erect
at all times.
Oh, look!
A musical instrument.
What modern man doesn't
love classical music?
my baby done left me,
hoo hah hoo
and i got the blues
i got those i really don't
want my brain to be dissected
blues
Well, i guess i've cleared up
that little misunderstanding.
Leaking!
Dr. Gordon,
i can explain.
Oh, you'll explain all right,
while you're digging up
trilobites in new jersey!
No. No. My life's
work destroyed.
I'm ruined,
ruined, ruined!
So, now that you
know i'm human,
How's about making me
your natural selection?
Oh! Ow! Hey!
Cut it out now.
Cave man fear
lacerations.
Ooh! And contusions.
Much pain!
Johnny, you know how
much mama loves her
high stakes bingo.
Well, there's a big
tournament in a far away
land called las vegas,
And mama's going to have
to leave you by yourself
for a few days.
Now, johnny, don't give
me any of your sass,
young man.
I'm entitled to a life
of my own and that's it.
End of story!
Oh, dear, that didn't
go well at all.
Sure, the broom can
handle the truth,
But it will shatter
johnny.
Hey, mama!
Here's the mail.
Hey, look. The new issue of
suffocating mother's quarterly.
Thanks, sweetie. Listen, johnny,
mama has something to tell you.
I don't believe it.
I never even suspected.
I have a baby brother!
I'm going to love
and protect him
Until years of rivalry
drive a wedge of bitter
hatred between us.
I'm going to call
him "sweepy."
Come on, baby bro.
I'll go show you how
the toilet works.
Oh, i'll never to be able to
leave my sweet baby alone.
Huh?
What's this?
Robo-mama?
"the world's most advanced,
automated robotic mother."
Hmm. "your family will never
know the difference."
Oh, my johnny's too sharp.
He'll never fall for it.
Mama, where's the toilet paper?
Sweepy had an accident.
I'll send for one immediately.
[doorbell rings]
That was fast.
What's in the box, mama?
What's in the box?
Is it for me?
Uh, johnny, be a doll and run
to the pea patch and fetch mama
a hat full of butterbeans.
Butterbeans? Oh, boy,
sweepy's favorite!
Hi-yah!
Oh, she's lovely.
A bit broad in the hips,
but lovely.
Now let's see,
what setting
do i want?
Neglectful,
permissive,
overprotective.
I do and do and do
for you and this is
the thanks i get?
Oh, she's perfect.
Vegas, here i come.
Mama, we don't have
a stupid pea patch.
Huh?
Robo-mama: Caregiver
mode activated.
Assessing subject.
Oh, he's a perfect little angel.
You feeling ok, mama?
You look all pale
and tungsten-y.
Grass stains,
schmutz, soil deposits.
You need a bath,
young man.
Aw, mama, i don't want
to take a bath.
No son of mine is going
to be a mr. Grimy face.
But i don't want a bath.
I don't wanna,
i don't wanna--
[rubber duck squeaks]
Hey, ducky.
I can't believe mama's making
me wear a stupid helmet just
to fly a stupid kite.
Ow.
After all,
i'm a grown man.
Play time is over,
sweetheart.
Come help mama
with her grocery
shopping.
Aw, mama, can't i stay
out a little longer?
And fall down and
swallow your tongue?
I don't think so,
Mr. "i'm a big boy
and don't need
a mother's love."
Gee, mama, do you think
we'll eat 144 tins of
pickled mackerel?
Fish is brain food.
Sensors indicate
extreme lack
of cerebral function.
You always said it was
because i was special.
Woman: Fancy cheeses.
Free samples.
Attention shoppers.
Pickup in aisle 5.
Free sample, sir.
Don't mind if i do.
Alert! Alert!
Hussy sensors activated.
Warning! Danger, danger,
johnny bravo!
Not now, mommy.
You're cramping
my style.
She's not good enough
for you. You're
breaking my heart.
Look, i don't even
know this guy.
Stand away from him,
you hussy.
Aah!
Aw, mama, what did
you do that for?
The sample lady
was the one.
Hey, check her out.
B-3
Come on, baby, mama needs a new
pair of comfortable shoes.
T.V.: We interrupt
illegal college
football betting
To bring you
this special report.
The latest series of robo-mama
androids is being recalled by
the fujitaki corporation
Due to a defect in the model's
personality chip
Causing dangerous
and unpredictable behavior.
Owners of robo-mama 3000 are
being advised to deactivate them
immediately.
Oh! My goodness! I've got
to go home and save my baby!
Please, mama,
i've already
had 870 pancakes.
I can't eat
another bite.
But you're so thin,
and i just made blintzes.
Unhand my son, you
Oh. Sorry, wrong house.
Unhand my boy, you clinking,
clanking collection
of cacophonous junk!
Error! Error!
Johnny is my boy.
You are an imposter.
Mama, i didn't know
there were two of you.
Gee, you think
you know a person.
Johnny, don't
you believe her.
Sure, she may have
a shiny chrome frame
And hyperfast
positronic relays,
But she doesn't have
a mother's love.
That's it.
It's go time.
Bring it on.
I'm the real mama!
I'm the real mama!
Stop! Can't you see this
stylized fight scene
Is tearing sweepy
and me apart?
You're right,
sweetie.
The only way to
resolve this
Is for you to
look deep in
your heart
And choose which
one of us is
the real mama.
Johnny: Ok.
Johnny: Eenie, meenie
Oh, i always get mixed up.
I'll take the shiny one.
You have chosen well,
sweetheart.
I will terminate
this imposter.
Woe is me.
I'll never see
my baby boy again.
Tell it to
the scrap pile,
You lousy
carbon based
homewrecker--
[robo-mama motoring down]
Mama: Johnny!
You pulled out the
robot's battery pack.
But how did you know?
It was easy, mama.
I realized the mama i know would
never hurt another living thing.
Not even a robot.
Oh, johnny.
We're a family again.
Excuse me
a moment, dear.
You lousy, no good,
son-stealing,
titanium based,
Something-hearted,
retractable clawed,
Short-circuiting,
bubble headed,
bucket of
[laughs]
That's our mama.
Narrator: What happens when
an idiot meet his echo?
I'm pretty.
Echo: I'm pretty.
I'm prettier.
I'm prettier.
No, i'm prettier.
No, i'm prettier.
I am!
I am!
You're dumb.
You're dumb.
I know you are,
but what am i?
I know you are,
but what am i?
Oh, he's good.
Your clam is weak
and silly, where
mine is strong.
Well, you
have sacrificed
story content
For mindless violence
and lack of structure.
Oh, yeah,
let's fight!
Johnny, are you
watching that horrible
Clam league 9000
cartoon again?
Aww.
Clam.
You will never
beat my clam.
Jin-shu can spit acid
and tapdance.
Oh, yeah, well,
macrame has laser
beam tongues
And has memorized
the works of
ken burns.
Aah!
[pig squeals]
[penguin quacks]
Aah!
Ha ha!
My clam has won.
And you can too,
if you go to the store
And buy our toys!
Buy our toys!
Buy our toys!
Mama, i have to buy
clam league 9000 toys.
Johnny, don't you think
you have enough
Clam league 9000
related merchandise?
No.
Well, forget it, mister.
I'm not giving you
one more penny.
Eew.
Aw, man. Every cell
in my body is crying
out for clam toys.
I wonder where
i can them for free.
The clam is a shy,
elusive creature.
The little suckers
will never see me coming.
Ooh. H20-y.
Ah, there they are.
Attention clams, you will be
absorbed into my toy collection.
Resistance is futile.
Uh-oh. Mama clam.
Hey, lady, i wasn't going
to kidnap all your babies
for my toy collection,
I was going to, uh,
Eat them.
That was the wrong thing to say.
Aah!
I'm being torn apart
by a giant clam,
Shredded by its
razor-like tonsils!
Oh, i'm fine.
Who dares disturb
the delicate balance
of this ecosystem?
Well, who dares suck me
into the cold metal innards
of a giant fake clam?
I do.
Well, what took
you so long?
Say, chicky of the sea,
you can pull in your net,
You've landed
your love marlin.
Rex, daisy!
Hey, i didn't know
you had kids.
Can't we drop them
off at your mom's
or something?
Hey, quit pinching.
As you can see,
i control giant crabs.
Good, because i was going
to say your kids are ugly.
Allow me to
introduce myself.
I'm captain nemo,
debbie nemo,
Of the oceanic
institute for
young ladies.
For years i
have travelled
the world's oceans
Protecting
its fragile
inhabitants--
Look, do you have
clam league 9000 toys
here or not,
Because chick prattle
gives me nosebleeds.
I don't mean you,
i'm just saying--
Rex, daisy,
snacktime!
You don't want to eat me.
I taste terrible.
Look!
Hey, that's not bad.
Aah! Call off the crabs!
I can help you.
I'll do anything.
Hmm. A brain like yours
consumes relatively
little oxygen.
I'd save a fortune
on scuba gear.
Are you prepared
to save earth's
oceans?
Hey, look, i can do this.
You're hired.
Johnny: Whoa, doggy!
Slow down, boy.
Does this thing have
rack and pinion
steering?
Johnny, pay attention.
But it's got a driver's
side airbag, right?
Debbie: Look, johnny,
fish poachers.
Their nets capture
anything too stupid
and lumbering to avoid them.
Now our job is
Johnny? Johnny?
Help! Help!
I'm trapped.
[sighs]
No one captures johnny bravo
in a big tuna net.
Come here, you.
Run free, you magnificent
specimens of fin and scale.
You too, ugly.
I'll see you at
the sushi bar.
You did it, johnny.
You saved the lives
of hundreds of innocent f--
Where did that
oil slick come from?
Man, that salt water really
takes the oil out of my do.
You idiot, you've caused
untold ecological damage.
Hey, that's a small price
to pay to look this pretty.
Captain's log,
Johnny isn't working
out as i planned.
On 4/9, i assigned him
to the task
Of salvaging sponges
from a nearby reef.
Instead, he used them to lather
up with some industrial soap,
Poisoning the entire area.
Manly, yes, but johnny
likes it, too.
Today i have given him
one more chance.
Johnny: Captain debbie,
i'm home!
I retrieved that drum
of radioactive waste
from the ocean floor.
You fool!
That's not a drum
of radioactive waste.
That's the egg case
of a giant squid.
Right. What did i say?
Oh, relax. What's the worst
that could happen?
Its mother crushes the ship
in a maternal rage?
My life's work,
ruined!
Aw, cheer up, debbie.
I'm sure that someday
you'll design another
Irreplaceable,
state-of-the-art,
undersea vessel.
Get away from me,
you briny-brained,
over-muscled yutz!
Are you coming on to me?
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Dive, dive.
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
Captioned by the national
Oh!
Whoa, mama!
A babe!
Mercy!
Whatever.