Johnny Bravo (1997) s03e10 Episode Script

1
One, two, three, ha!
Baby.
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
Sassy.
Man, i'm pretty.
Do the monkey with me!
Come on!
Hey there, baby.
Yeah, whatever.
[nasal humming]
Would you quit doing that?
I can't help it.
The frankincense
and myrrh is murder
on my sinuses.
This stinks!
[sniffing]
I thought you said
We were going to see
exotic belly dancers.
And so we shall.
Behold achmed,
caliph of the dance.
On the downbeat.
[arabian music playing]
Ah! I'm blind!
Johnny, you have
to learn to appreciate
arab culture.
The arabs have given us
astronomy, mathematics,
Hummus, the suez canal,
omar sharif,
Picky, the dancing camel--
[honk]
Phew!
Putting a hurting on carl
is hungry work.
I think i'll get one of them
falafels on a stick.
Golf slacks, hey,
i have golf slacks.
Chunky peanut butter.
Very fresh.
Rare and shiny
appliances of mystery.
Ooh! Rare and shiny.
Hey, frenchy, how much
for the toaster?
Nice price.
20 risuttos.
I'll give you 30.
100!
HmmmDone!
Yes, yes, yes,
yes, yes!
Hu-ha-ho!
What's that in american?
$750,000.
Aw, i hate
the metric system.
Here's a blank check
from my mama.
I'll let you fill in
all the numbery parts.
Here you go.
Not responsible
for unleashing dark,
mystical forces
Which cannot be contained.
Have a nice day.
Ha, ha. He thinks
he's a dog.
Come, toasty. Lets get
to know each other better.
Hmmm, light, medium,
dark, and genie.
That must mean extra crispy.
Cheap, shoddy,
german merchandise!
Look out!
It's gonna blow!
[boom]
Yes! Thank you, sweet,
bountiful heavens!
Wo, mama! Yahoo!
You shall be granted--
Wait a minute.
I'm not done yet.
Oh, happy day!
Woo! Woo! Woo!
johnny has a genie!
Johnny has a genie!
Ok, i'm done.
You have freed me
from the toaster,
And in return,
i am beholding to
grant you 3 wishes.
Sweet! Why don't
we start with 1,001
arabian nights
Back at your place.
Ooh, yeah!
[bam, bam]
I warn you, one more
cheesy come-on
And according to
genie bylaws
You will be imprisoned
inside the toaster for
all eternity.
Now try again.
You mean i can
have anything?
Anything!
HmmmLet's see.
I wish for universal
peace and good will
towards man.
No, wait!
A talking monkey!
You can have
anything you want
And you're wishing
for a talking monkey?!
I have my reasons.
As you wish, master.
Oh, hello, johnny.
How are you?
Ooh! Talking monkey!
Thank you,
magic genie lady.
Oh, monkey,
we're gonna have
such fun together.
Swinging on trees,
throwing fruit at
each other,
And you can throw
your voice so it looks
like i'm talking.
Well that sounds
like marvelous fun.
Perhaps we'll do that
Just as soon as
i finish freeze-drying
and dissecting your brain
For scientific study.
YeahAnd we can
jump on the furniture,
And make prank
phone calls, and eat
with out feet, and--
Uh, can you go back
to that part about
freeze-drying my brain?
Oh, johnny,
johnny, johnny
Now open wide
and say aaaah!
Aaaaah!
Don't struggle, johnny.
[screaming]
Just close your eyes
and think of science.
[screaming]
Look, a banana.
Ahh?
[monkey sounds]
[crash]
So, did you enjoy
your first wish?
Heck, no. That was
the worst talking monkey
I've ever almost
been dissected by.
I'm sorry, master.
Perhaps you should be
more specific with
your second wish.
Oh, all right.
Hey, you know what
i've always wanted?
An end to disease, hunger,
pestilence, and--no, wait!
The perfect chick!
Be careful, master.
You're tampering
with forces
You can't comprehend.
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
She should be as smart as me,
As pretty as me, and have my
sunny pleasing personality.
Your wish is my command.
What's this?
1313 meatjoke lane.
This must be my house.
That must be my delicate
little flower now.
Honey, i'm home!
Hey, baby,
hows about you and me
go somewhere quiet
And stare at each
other's pretty!
Ah, couldn't
we just talk and get
to know each other first?
Wanna see me do this?
Both: Ooh, candelabra-y.
I gotta get out of here!
[children's voices]
Dang, it's the mangoes.
You mean the kids.
Right. What did i say?
Wiggy.
Gimme a dollar.
Check the pecs.
Whoa, mama.
Won't end well.
[laughing]
Ahhh!
This can't be happening!
Tell me this isn't
really happening!
You know,
when i was 11,
I kept a live
salamander in my
mouth for a week.
Genie, help!
But master,
if i help you, that
will be your third wish.
I don't care.
Just put everything
back the way it was.
Yes, master.
Now, johnny. Let's
remove that liver.
Oh, no. I'm doomed!
I'm too young to be
dissected by a monkey!
Good-bye, cruel world!
It's all right, master.
You're safe now.
What, genie? But why?
I'd already used
my third wish.
I didn't want
to see you get hurt.
While you are a big,
stupid lunkhead,
I'm afraid i've actually
grown to like you.
Really? So hows about
you taking a ride
On my flying carpet
of love?
Grrr.
la, la, la, la
Hey, a toaster.
Yikes!
Greetings, master.
What's your stupid wish?
Hmmm
Magic bites!
Ah, first county municipal
courthouse district 8.
Foundation of our democracy,
Guardian of all
that we hold dear.
This great institution
puts me in mind of one
shining central truth--
Santa's coming! Santa's coming!
He told me to meet him
right here!
[yelling]
[chewing]
I'll see you
in court, you idiot!
[sirens blaring]
That must be
santa's sleigh.
Those must be
his reindeer.
Dasher, dancer,
Clepty, maddog,
One-eye, rico,
But no santa.
He must be inside already.
Ok, everybody here
for jury duty line up.
Oh, boy! I'm gonna meet santa!
I'm gonna meet santa!
I'm gonna meet santa!
[slam]
You may now interview
the candidates for jury duty.
Thank you, your honor.
Ladies and gentlemen,
We're not necessarily looking
for the smartest person
To serve on our jury,
Sometimes it's best to choose
the biggest, stupidest,
Lunkhead and bend him
to your will.
Good afternoon, sir.
I want a shiny red
bicycle with a bell
And lots of streamers!
This juror's acceptable,
your honor.
Hey, santa, i also
want a cowboy hat,
Some exploding onion gum,
And a squint ringo doll
with throttle fist action.
I'm not santa, you jerk.
I'm a judge! Do you
know what that means?
You're gonna decide
who's naughty and nice?
It means this is a court of law
And you have been chosen to
serve on a long boring case
Until i say you're done!
I guess there'll be
no christmas this year.
This trial will begin
tomorrow at 9:00 am.
Ah, that's no good.
I don't get up until 11:00,
Then i've got a facial at--
On second thought,
i think i can pencil it in.
"cut to the next
morning--bailiff."
Oh, that's me!
Court is now in session
for the people versus
ms. Rita amply.
[vroom]
[barking]
[gasping]
Sorry i'm late.
Ok, let's take a vote.
Who thinks he's guilty?
Pipe down, you simp.
They've got to present
evidence first.
Ladies and gentlemen
of the jury,
Look at my client.
Whoa! Look at the habeas
on that corpus.
Did i say guilty?
I meant yowzer!
Humina, humina,
woof, woof. [howling]
[howling]
Order! Order!
I'll have the denver omelet
And some liver nips
for my friends.
[panting]
Are you making a mockery
of this court?
Are you making a mockery
of this court? Ooh!
Proceed!
Ladies and gentlemen,
The state will prove that
the defendant, ms. Rita amply,
Is guilty of triple parking
in a no loading zone.
Lies! All lies!
Your honor,
this is outrageous!
Who among us hasn't been
guilty of a triple felony?
That's triple parking,
you idiot.
I'll take it from here,
sweet cakes.
Your honor, the defendant
couldn't have committed
this crime.
She was with me
that afternoon.
I've never seen
this creep before
in my life.
Because i was hiding
In the conservatory
with colonel mustard
with the candlestick.
Your honor, this is
a travesty of justice!
No, this is a travesty
of justice.
Ooh, look at me. I'm justice.
You have to do what i say.
la, la, la, la, la, la
Mr. Bravo,
you're out of order.
No, you're out of order!
You're out of order!
This candy machine
is out of order!
[banging, rustling]
Ooh, candy!
Bailiff,
pummel that juror.
Ooh, ow, ooh, hey,
watch the hair.
Come on, ooh!
Members of the jury,
that concludes the case.
It's pretty cut-and-dried,
so i'm sure it won't take
more than a few moments
To reach a verdict of guilty.
I feel like we've gotten
to know each other so well
These last 8 months.
Everyone else
thinks she's guilty.
You're the only holdout,
you dipstick.
Well, mark--
Dennis.
Michael, don't you know
You can't punch the snooze
alarm of justice,
For it will only go off
10 minutes later,
And then you'll miss
breakfast, and you'll
be all cranky,
And lost the rest
of the day.
Now let's go through
this once again.
Now on december 12
at precisely 11:30 am,
The defendant was sighted
across from me in the courtroom
Where i made these
sexy drawings of her.
[banging, griping]
[screaming]
[crack]
I'm ok.
Then i measured off
exactly 11 steps
In a northwesterly direction
And tripped over a chihuahua,
Thus proving a conspiracy
That goes to the highest levels
of the frozen food industry--
Haven't you people
reached a verdict yet?
Judge, you can't punch
the snooze alarm of
justice for--
That's it! No more
takeout lunches
Until you come up
with a verdict!
I won't compromise
my principles.
And no more bathroom
privileges.
She's innocent, i tell you!
And from now on,
No more ski bunny channel
back at the hotel.
We, the jury,
find the defendant
guilty of all charges.
Ms. Amply, i order you to
pay the court a fine of $35.
You're free to go.
No, wait! Your honor,
in view of the defendant's
Sterling character
and overall lusciousness,
I recommend she be
put under house arrest--
My house.
Come, my love. To freedom!
What are you--ooh!
[screaming]
[crash]
[screaming]
All right. I know i got
a little carried away.
Just fine me my $35,
and i'll be on my way.
Hmm
D'oh-oh!
Let me out of here!
Grrr!
I was set up, i tell ya.
You guys are in so much trouble.
I'm warning you. I know santa!
Carl: Consider the turkey,
A creature so amazingly stupid
It'll stare up at a rainstorm
with its mouth wide open
Until it actually drowns.
Hey, what's everybody
looking at?
Is it that thing?
Come on, tell me.
I'll be your best friend.
Oh, i see it now.
No, that's not it.
Oh, come on, guys.
Just give me a hint.
[gobbling with water]
And this maintains the level
of thermal gigabytes,
And this switch extracts
radioactive isotopes
from h20,
And that's a thermodynamic
fusion capacitator,
And this drawer here
is where i keep
my glitter makeup.
Hey,
what's the big idea?
I'm down to
my last cookie.
So?
So, unless i miss
my guess,
The dna from your
atomic doohickey
Can be combined with
this raisin cookie
Thereby creating a giant
mutant super-cookie
That will supply me with
enough crunchety goodness
to last me a lifetime!
Ah, silly johnny!
You can't put anodized
titanium in the microwave.
Mmm, titanium-y.
[boom]
Johnny, what have you
done to my kitchen?!
He did it.
Hey--
Johnny, johnny, i'm
so disappointed in you.
I give and i give
and i give
And all i get is
pain, pain, pain.
[sobbing]
Aw, carl, momma doesn't
seem to love me anymore.
No, she hates you.
So what do you
want to do now?
Underwear,
my favorite sock,
My pet goldfish, willy.
Good-bye, room.
I'm gonna go far away
Where i'll never
bother mama again.
Ooh, forgot
my duckie night-light.
[quacking]
This is it, johnny.
Your bold journey
begins today.
The life you once knew
is now gone.
Now you're truly on your own.
Ahh! Strange mailbox!
I want to go home!
Ooh!
Last stop, city limits.
So hungry, so all alone.
Hey, a hot dog.
Living off the land will be
easier than i thought.
Whoa, whoa,
can i help you, buddy?
Ahh!
Talking hot dog.
Kid, look out.
There's a horrible
talking hot dog.
Ribbit.
[screaming]
Don't worry,
we won't hurt you.
We're just a traveling
band of good-natured
carny folk.
Oh, that's a relief.
I thought you were
a bunch of weirdos.
I'm tina, that's leon,
the tattooed pediatrician,
And this is frog boy,
and i see you've already
met hot dog head.
Hey, i was rude before.
Go ahead, take a bite.
Nice to meet you.
Well, gotta get back to
running away from home.
Aw, that is so sad.
Why don't you
come with us?
You mean travel
the dark and seedy
back roads of america
With a bunch of
weirdos and misfits?
Uh-huh.
I'm in!
Mama bravo, i have
the spinach ravioli
and leg cream
You asked me to pick up.
[crying]
Poor gal, she's inconsolable
Over johnny's running
away from home.
Don't worry, mrs. Bravo.
He'll come back eventually.
No, he won't.
He has amnesia.
You obviously haven't
been watching the young
and the feckless for very long.
You mean you're not crying
about johnny's running
away from home?
You clearly missed
last week's episode
when jack and cindy
Fell down a diamond mine
and--say what?
Surely you've noticed
that johnny's been gone
for the last 10 days!
This is terrible.
I've got to do
everything in my power
to get my baby back
Right after i find out
if zach is having
an affair
With that hussy tiffany.
I, the bearded man,
Am the most exquisitely
malformed freak of them all.
Behold my hideous beard
and tremble, tremble!
[knocking on door]
Bearded man, come quick.
Wait'll you see
what johnny can do.
That perfectly formed
pretty boy?
I don't know
what you see in him.
Steady, steady, whoa!
How am i doing, tina?
Just do exactly
what you did before.
You mean my perfect
display of balance
and hand eye coor--ooh!
Oooh.
Hey, isn't it marvelous?
He can fall
on his head from
extraordinary heights
And remain
completely unharmed.
He'll be our
biggest draw ever!
You're one of us now,
johnny.
One of us! One of us!
This mutant wannabe
seeks to supplant me.
I'll make him rue the day
he crossed swords with
the bearded man.
Yo, whisker boy,
keep it down.
I can hardly hear them
praising me.
D'oh!
A pleasant evening
at the carnival
Should take you mind
off your horrible loss.
Loss? Oh, right. Johnny.
My baby, my life, my love.
Oh, cotton candy!
You're on, johnny.
Have a good show.
Yes, johnny.
Have a good show.
It'll be your last.
[evil laughing]
Ahh! Look, mrs. Bravo!
It's johnny!
My baby!
These extra fluffy pillows
will cushion his fall,
Making his act bomb,
And leaving me
the star attraction!
So johnny's just gonna fall
onto those cushions?
That doesn't look very
dangerous.
Ah! Those cushions
are polyurethane!
Johnny's allergic!
I've got to save him
before he gets all blotchy.
Notice at no time
do my hands leave--ahh!
Excuse me, human cannonball.
Hold on, johnny.
Don't land!
[boom]
Whoa!
Oh, mama.
[applause]
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
[bonk]
Audience: Johnny! Johnny!
Thank you. Thank you very much.
You tried to hurt johnny.
Now you're gonna get it!
Stop! Do not hurt
the bearded man.
Sure he's a jerk,
but he's one of your own.
His horrible man beard
makes him a misfit,
just like all of you.
He truly is family.
You're right, johnny.
Bearded man: No, no,
not the beard.
Anything
but the beard. No!
We're a family again,
too, mama.
And i promise i'll never
run away from home again.
Oh, you can count
on it, mister.
Doggie!
There's no place like home.
[growling]
Look out!
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.S. Department of education
Captioned by the national
A babe!
Mercy!
Whatever.