Johnny Bravo (1997) s03e13 Episode Script

Lord of the Links/Bootman/Freudian Dip

Man, i'm pretty.
Do the monkey with me.
Come on!
Hey there, baby.
Yeah, whatever.
Captioning made possible by
Turner entertainment group
And u.S. Department of education
[james bond music playing]
Sounds perfect.
So you see,
madam bank teller,
That's why
i need $20,000.
Sir, first of all,
there are no
flying cars.
That's just what
the swiss want you
to believe.
Secondly, in order
to get a loan,
You need collateral.
That's just what
the turkish--
Oh, collateral.
Let's see, there's
the deed to mama's house.
I know!
How much will
this get me?
come back here, you!
It smells!
Man, the customer service
at this branch stinks.
Where in the world
am i gonna find $20,000?
[angelic voices singing]
What's this?
"golf tournament,
1st prize $20,000"?
That's almost $20,000.
I'll do it!
ahh ahh
You know, that's
really annoying.
Ah, the perfect spot to view
tonight's meteor shower.
Ah! Oh!
It's starting early--ouch!
What amazing luck--ow!
Doh! Aye!
Look to the skies!
Look to the skies!
Excuse me, dweeb.
Playing through.
We've been hit!
Radio zurich!
I'll get
the bank books!
Johnny, are you trying
to win $20,000
In the sappy bluff
gold tournament?
Cool! Can i be
a caddy?
What's a caddy?
A caddy is the golfer's
constant companion.
He stays by his side
through rain, sleet,
sand, and rough.
He's always there
with a kind word
and a helping hand.
I'll carry
all your stuff.
You've got the job.
Announcer: Hello, and welcome to
the sappy bluff golf classic,
Where the contestants
appear ready for some nonstop,
Heartpounding golf action.
There's returning champion
tabby forest
Of the flawless swing and highly
lucrative endorsements.
There you are, kid.
That'll be $400,000.
And there's
the old prospector,
Who, as always, appears
addled and delusional.
Hee hee hee!
There's gold on
this here course.
Gold, i tell ya!
And finally,
wild card johnny bravo,
Who appears
to have just picked up
the game last thursday.
Fly, demon ball,
As i suspected, johnny,
you stink on ice.
Good thing
i took the liberty of
souping up these clubs
With high-tech,
space-age technology.
Space-age clubs
bring much fear
other golfers.
Let's motor!
Announcer: And here we are
at the first tee,
A par 5 with two sand traps,
a water hazard,
And a laughing clown.
Here, johnny,
this number 3 turbo iron
With pneumatic adjustment
coupling should compensate
for your slice.
Thank you very much.
Announcer: A hole in 1,
And the crowd goes wild.
[bells ringing]
Carl: Here we are at
the 17th hole, johnny.
Two more holes,
and we win!
I knew
i would triumph!
I believe i'll use
the geosynchronous 9 iron
With the tungsten shaft.
Wait, johnny. No!
That's still
I suspected your caddy
was the brains behind
your success.
Oh, well.
Perhaps i'll let you
smell my prize money.
Oh, yeah?
Well, i got
one trick left in
my golfbag, frenchy.
It's called natural
athletic prowess.
Prepare to get
smoked, tabby!
[carl screaming]
Announcer: Oh, tough break
for johnny bravo,
As hole 17
took him 599 strokes.
Only another hole in 1
will win it for him now.
I've blown it!
I've lost
the tournament
And made a fool
of myself!
I'm just a big,
stupid, stupidhead!
Man: You can do it,
johnny bravo!
But how,
president monroe?
Just as i used
the 3 iron of
industrial might
To free our nation
from the sand trap
of civil conflict,
So should you use--
Yeah, yeah. Listen,
i'm just gonna use
the putter.
No, johnny!
Announcer: The ball is heading
towards my head.
The ball has lodged
in my head.
It hurts so very much.
Feeling faint,
losing consciousness
I win! I win again!
I'm all that
and a bag of chips.
Carl: Wait!
I found one of
tabby forest's
golf balls
At the bottom
of the pond.
It's filled with
iron shavings.
Just as i suspected.
Tabby forest
is a cheater
And must be
That means i win!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
No, johnny.
We cheated, too.
The winner is
the old prospector!
Hee hee hee!
Hee hee!
I told you
there was gold in
this here course.
Hee hee hee!
We were wrong to sully
this great game golf.
For in the end, it is not
your handicap that matters
But the purity of
your soul, and so
Ow! Hey!
Cut it out,
you guys, huh?
I'm not kidding around.
Put me down!
Deep beneath the city
Lies the hidden fortress
of the green swoosh--
Defender of freedom,
friend of the downtrodden,
Bringer of green justice!
Answering machine:
Please leave a message
after the beep.
Man: Swoosh, pick up!
I know you're screening.
Yes, yes.
Swoosh here.
What's that?
A meteor headed for
the desolate wasteland
at the edge of town?
This sounds like
a job for
The green swoosh!
Superboots, to me!
And around!
999,999,9991 billion.
Hmm, i wonder where
that chick went?
She told me to walk into
the desolate wasteland
and count to a billion.
Well, i'll give her
an extra 500,000.
Deflecting this meteor
with my green swoosh energy
Will require
tremendous concentration.
Johnny: Hey,
green guy!
You seen a chick
around here?
A chick, you say?
What did
she look--
That's going to leave
a green superbruise.
Oh, the horror!
The senseless
waste of
Hey, free superboots.
Hey, buddy, you want
to unclench your toes?
Great scott!
Every cell in my body
is surging with green
super energy!
I've become faster
The sum of the square root
of the side of an isoscel
Well, faster
and stronger anyway.
Up! Around! Over!
And across!
Aha! My super vision
is detecting chicks now.
And he had
the nerve to ask me
If it was
my original color.
citizen betties.
I know what
you're thinking.
The rays of our yellow sun
make him super irresistible.
Excuse me.
We were having
a conversation.
So anyway, i told him,
"if that's your attitude,
You can just turn
right around and--"
All right,
you twisted my arm.
I'll give you
a demonstration of
my amazing powers!
It would normally
take years for nature
To grind diamonds down into
useless crystalline powder.
With my superhuman powers,
i can do it with my bare hands!
So, uhYou like sushi?
Ooh! Uh! Oh! Ooh!
[gasps] look!
A disabled airplane!
Great scott!
Looks like a job for
a superpowered green
bootwearin' guy who--
I've diverted a disaster
of enormous consequences.
Think of all the tiny peanuts
that would have gone to waste.
We're ok.
With great power
comes great responsibility.
MmmAnd free peanuts!
What's this?
My boots are beeping,
and i'm not even backing up.
You're late,
green swoosh.
You know
we can't begin
a meeting of
The astounding league
of superpeople
Until everyone's
The astounding league
of superpeople!
Obviously news of
my super feats
Have reached
even your ears.
Now, if we could just
bring this meeting to order.
You obviously want
to make me your leader.
I'll take this chair.
Hey, you're
the she hunk.
Hey, bring me
some of those
Finger sandwiches
i've heard about, ok?
She hunk not waitress.
Get own sandwich.
Hey, you got
a bit of a temper.
I dig that in
a lady superhero.
She hunk smash!
She hunk smash you all!
Ah! Oh oh oh!
Duh duh duh duh!
Break it up,
you two.
Man boy
is planning
To attack
our headquarters.
We've got to prepare
for battle.
Uh, uh, listen,
i have flat feet.
I-i'm not really
supposed to go
Into combat with
supervillains, so
I'll just beam back
down to earth till
you're finished.
Don't touch
that button!
OhNow i got to.
Good thing there's
lots of air in space.
No, there isn't.
Feel the wrath
of man boy,
Astounding league
of superheroes!
Hey! Where is everybody?
Uh, i wouldn't know.
I'm just the maid.
Just dusting up with
my amazing green
super energy boots.
So, green swoosh,
you're the only one
Who dares face
the wrath of man boy!
Look, maybe
we can sit down
and talk this out.
No way!
I'm sick of you adults
and your stupid preaching.
You're all
a bunch of lame-os!
All right.
I have heard enough
out of you, young man.
Your mighty grip
is useless against
my super oily skin.
Ha ha ha!
Ok, that's it!
You are grounded for,
like, a month!
Prepare for a blast
from my super-cracking voice!
No! No!
It's like
a thousand fingernails
Scratching against the
blackboard of my mind!
Yeah. Isn't it cool?
Now, prepare to meet
your doom, you big phony.
That'll be enough
out of you, young man!
You're not
the boss of me!
Oh, no?
You obviously
don't appreciate
The power of
my super-sensible shoes!
Power up!
Looks like
somebody's going to
a federal penitentiary
To think about
what they've done!
I didn't know
you were
a superhero.
The real heroes are the mothers
who cook and clean
And raise the children--
And have super-sensible
shoes to combat evil.
Can we rob
a bank now?
Woman: Attention,
astounding superpeople.
The cloudmaster
has escaped from prison.
Come on, darling.
Right, mama!
Whoa whoa whoa!
I'm getting
a nose ring
Because you're
all stupid!
Man: What happens
when an idiot meets his echo?
I'm pretty.
I'm pretty.
I'm prettier.
I'm prettier.
No, i'm prettier.
No, i'm prettier.
I am!
I am!
You're dumb!
You're dumb!
I know you are,
but what am i?
I know you are,
but what am i?
Oh, he's good.
[brahms' lullaby playing]
Ohh! Omar sharif!
You drop my low heart bid?
[johnny screams]
Monsters! Monsters!
Let me in!
Mama: Oh, sweetie!
Are you still having
those nightmares?
It was horrible, mama!
It was 7 feet tall
with scales
And horrible, dead eyes!
Oh, it must have been
a terrible dream
to scare you so badly.
Well, you can sleep
in the chiffonier tonight.
Thanks, mama.
[glass breaking]
I mean,
i wasn't afraid.
I was just worried
that he'd get to you.
aah! Dark!
Johnny scared!
Should i leave
the light on, dear?
I'm really worried
about johnny, suzy.
Has he been
chasing cars again?
No. That's just a phase.
I'm talking about
his horrible nightmares.
He hasn't slept in weeks.
[door opens, then closes]
This cereal
tastes terrible!
That's because
it's coffee beans
and ketchup, dear.
Oh. Needs sugar.
You know,
mrs. Bravo,
I have a degree
in psychology
That i earned
over the internet.
I could
psychoanalyze johnny
And find the root of
his night terrors.
Archduke ferdinand
is wrong!
My claim to
the throne is
[blowing bubbles]
That's it!
I have had it,
young man!
You march into
the living room
And get psychoanalyzed
this instant!
Oh, so now i suppose
a guy can't say that
He saw a scaly,
7-foot monster
being called crazy.
Ok, johnny,
Why don't we start
with a little
word assoc--
Hold on.
We haven't
started yet.
Shut up!
Mrs. Bravo,
johnny won't
Mama: Johnny,
you behave!
This is costing me
$130 an hour.
Oh, all right.
Take your best shot!
I'll play along
For now.
Now, where were we?
Oh, yes.
Now, at what point--
Get outta my head!
How about if we just
try some roleplaying?
Sounds good.
I'll be me, and you be
the little girl
Who walks out the door
and leaves me alone.
"why are you so
afraid, johnny?"
i'm afraid to love.
So when people
try to get close,
I push them away
and---aah! Talking doll!
Dolls sometimes
help us say things
we can't say ourselves.
Here, try it.
WellAll right.
"poor johnny.
He's lonely and has
problems with intimacy."
Don't tell her that!
"he also sucks
his thumb
"and likes to
kiss his pillow
And pretends
it's girls."
Shut up!
Shut up, i say!
"he wants everyone
to think he's in control,
"but at night
when monsters come,
"he dissolves into panic
and runs to his mama
Like a little baby!"
oh, it's true!
Malibu tracy
is right.
It hurts.
It hurts
so much.
Johnny, we've made
an important
Does that mean
you're leaving?
Almost, johnny.
But first, i'd like
to try hypnosis.
Now, strong minds
can be resistant
to the process,
So we may have to--
I am under your power.
Well, that was easy.
Let's go back, johnny,
back in time.
Aah! Dinosaurs!
Not that far back.
Take us to the place
of pain where the fears
first began.
Hey, bravo.
Gimme your lunch money.
Aw, carl,
why do you always
gotta be so mean?
Because i'm bigger
than you and older
than you
By 3 weeks.
And it will always
be thus.
So it was carl.
It was all his fault!
I don't think so,
I think we need
to go back
deeper still.
Mama: Quiet, johnny.
Don't cry.
Here, mama's made you
a baked ham.
There, there,
Mama's here.
Mama will never, ever,
ever leave you.
Oh! 4:00.
Oh, it's time for
my programs.
I'll just put you
in your playpen
With all your
favorite toys
And shut off the light
so it's nice and cozy.
Monsters from the id!
Huh? Huh?
snap out of it.
That's it!
You've done it.
You've uncovered
the root of my fears.
Huh! Hah! Huh!
How can i ever
repay you?
That'll be $130.
You know, that annoying
girl in the comic strip
only charges a nickel.
Nice try.
Well, the important
thing is,
My horrible nightmares
are over.
[door slams]
[monster roars]
It's him!
It's the monster!
Back, mongo.
Down, down, boy.
a very bad mongo.
Sorry, everybody.
Sometimes he gets out
at night.
Johnny: Oh, carl,
best buddy.
Can i talk to you
for a sec?
Sure thing,
Hey! Oh! Aah!
No problem.
Want to go get
a burger?
[happy grunting]
Mama: Here's
your money, suzy.
Thanks to you,
back to normal.
Or is it?
Look out.
Huh! Hah!
Captioning made possible by
Turner entertainment group
And u.S. Department of education
Oh, mama!
Oh, babe.
Captioned by the national
Captioning institute
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