Johnny Bravo (1997) s03e16 Episode Script

The Island of Mrs. Morceau/The Colour of Mustard/Third Dork from the Sun

1-2-3 huh!
Man, i'm pretty!
Do the monkey with me!
Hey there, baby!
Yeah, whatever!
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group and
u.S. Department of education
[cheers, applause,
cats hissing]
Announcer: And there's the bell!
We'll be back with catboxing
from reno after these messages.
Ooh! Kit calico
is scrappy,
But he can't match
mr. Lickin's paw work.
Hello. I'm dr.
Gwendolyn morceau.
A lady doctor?
Has science come that far?
Interested in
the exciting and
fast-paced world
Of genetic
Yes, but am i qualified?
At the morceau institute
of de-evolution,
We'll welcome you
with open arms!
Just listen to what
some of our other
clients are saying:
Help me!
the horror! The horror!
So come on down! You'll be
helping your fellow man--
Oh, you lost me.
Morceau: And you'll
make up to $5 a day!
You found me again!
And all experiments are
100% safe and effective!
Voice: Bizarre
genetic experiments
not really safe.
Everyone knows "bizarre
genetic experiments"
Is code for
"lovely science chick
seeks buff studmuffin."
To the hovercraft!
Here we are--
1270 horrible mutant lane.
Hey, buddy, i'm looking
for dr. Morceau--
Holy mackerel!
You know, a little
electrolysis and you
wouldn't look quite so, uh
Woman: Please
fill out these
medical forms.
Thanks, foxy mama.
Thank you!
Now, let's see:
"have you ever
had rabies?" no.
"problem shedding?" no.
Am i paper-trained?
"willing to learn."
Goat: No! Help me!
It's a maaaaadhouse!
That'd be me,
Say, you're not like
the other people
around this place.
You're so smooth
and human-looking.
Ill-formed brain case.
He's perfect!
I get that a lot.
You know,
you and i have
a lot in common.
You want to
manipulate my genes,
and i--
Test subject bravo,
are you ready for
the treatment?
Am i ever!
Ahh! Come on, baby!
Bring on
the treatment!
how do you feel?
I feel exactly the same.
Say, you don't happen
to have a couple
of heads of lettuce
I could gnaw on, do you?
Take him to
the holding area
for observation.
Holding area, huh?
Oh, there'll be
some holding
In the "holding area"
all right!
So i guess i'll wait for
the "holding" to start
In the "holding area"!
"holding area"!
AhI love
the editorial pages.
What? This ain't
the exercise yard!
Hey, beak boy!
You're messing up my pad!
Dr. Morceau's coming over
to hold me later.
What are you, an idiot?
Dr. Morceau's
devolving us all into
Hideous beast people!
Really! I wonder what
she's turning me into:
A majestic lion;
a wild, untamed stallion!
No, no!
Look around you!
What? I got
the hamster wheel,
The hamster water bottle
Oh, sweet heavens!
She's turning me into
a beautiful butterfly!
You mean a hamster.
Right. What did i say?
Our only hope
is to destroy her
ray machine. Quack!
It's just
crazy enough to work!
Follow me and we'll find
her secret lab.
But first--some pellets.
My hamster senses are telling me
the lab is behind this door!
What about that door
that says "lab"?
How horrible!
She's using
the beast people
for slave labor!
Oh, don't be
We're just
the sets
For our annual
variety show!
Hit it, kids!
kick up your hooves,
stick out your snout
start out a man
end up a trout!
don't look now
but we are hideous
'cause her plan
is so perfidious
let's all sing
the hideous animal rag!
Stop! Stop!
Can't you see
what's happening here?
Not only did you completely
step on the downbeat,
But you've forgotten
what it means to be human!
To reasonTo live
a life of calm reflection
Hamster man is right.
All in favor of
following him
Show jazz hands!
jazz hands!
Then it's settled!
Follow me and i will
show you once more
What it's like to be
a thinking, reasoning human.
Now let's get her!
Smash! Smash!
Aha! I thought i'd
find you here, bravo!
You're more trouble
than you're worth!
It's time to completely
de-evolve you!
I don't think so, fiend!
You did it, man!
You're a hero!
No, my friend
I'm just a hamster.
A hamster who cares.
Now to use my great
scientific expertise
To turn you all
back again.
Ooh, this is
a pretty button!
No! Not that one!
Ah! Finally everything's
back to normal.
Chicken woman-- oh!
Officer possum.
Animals don't seem
to like me much.
Narrator: There are a thousand
stories in the naked city.
I only know 53 of 'em.
54, if you include the one
about my cousin ernie
Who took a foul ball
to the head and smiles
at the wrong things.
Me? I sell cheap chili
to men who want to
get full fast.
That's the way
they like it.
At least, until she
walked into the diner.
You must be pops.
Quiet! I'm not
finished narrating.
That's when she spoke to me.
Ok, go.
I'm looking for
a shuttlecock jockey
Named johnny bravo.
He's over there
At least
what's left of him.
Hey, johnny! Somebody
wants to see you!
Well, i'm not here.
Now give me another
shot of root beer!
Johnny bravo? I've got
a proposition for you.
How about this one--
you, me,
A box of noodles,
a pauly shore
Ok, how about this:
Just me, a box of rice,
and public access?
What's happened
to you?
I was told you were
the greatest backyard
badminton player
West of the pecos.
In fact, i came here
to challenge you
to a game.
No! I can never play again!
Not after what happened
at the match in denver!
It was horrible!
Why, he remembers it
like it was yesterday!
What a lovely day
for a game
of badminton!
I don't care who wins.
We both win
if we're having fun!
Bring it on, sucker!
There's nothing like
the smell of a freshly popped
can of shuttlecocks!
Fresh popped shuttlecocks!
Gotta go!
But your mother said
i had to help you
cross the street!
Ok, i'm here!
Let's play!
GoshIt's really
not a game for 3.
Why? Because i've
crushed you both
700 times in a row?
It's not that so much as
your bad sportsmanship.
Come on, you losers!
I'll play you both
with both hands tied
behind my back!
Hyaaah! Hyaaah!
Point, set, match,
love, game!
I win, you lose!
Why, i haven't seen a birdie
whipped around like that
Since pancho zagura in '48!
and the home of the
Ok, second verse!
That's quite a backhand
you got there, son.
With your talent
and my taking advantage
of your talent,
We can win some
big money!
I don't play
for money, pops.
I do it for the love
of the game.
Well, duh!
I keep the money!
But you'd get
all the free hot dogs
you want at the matches!
Love of the game
and hot dogs?
I'm in!
Narrator: Johnny went
straight to the top.
Then he fell down
to the middle, stayed
there for a while,
Then he went back
and forth for a bit,
Then he went
back to the top,
And stayed there like
the skin on an old pudding.
Everything was fine
until one fateful day
P.A.: Bravo, serving tingblad,
match point.
Do you feel lucky, punk?
Well, do ya?
Hot dogs!
Hot dogs! Get your hot--
Get up, mister!
You gotta get up
and give me my
Postgame jumbo
dog with onions!
[imitating ambulance siren]
Sorry, son. If we
move those hot dogs,
We risk further injury.
You know,
we're standing right here.
You don't have to yell.
Oh, sorry. No.
Anyway, that's why
i can never play again.
So you're telling me
you're a coward.
Coward, milquetoast,
I'm not into labels.
And if you're
not a coward,
you're an idiot.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Who were we
talking about?
So there's nothing i can
say to change your mind?
Nothing! I can't believe
the horror, the shame!
[sweetly] if you win,
i'll go out with you.
What's a little
horror and shame?
Let's play badminton!
Gee, johnny,
you really stink
out there!
One more point
and she wins!
I think i'm tiring
her out, pops.
No, i don't
think so.
She's pretty much
got it in the bag.
Come on, pops, don't you
have any advice for me?
Yeah--stay away
from badminton!
Thanks, pops.
I can use that!
I'm glad i bet on her.
Your serve, bravo.
This is it, johnny.
There's no room
for error.
I've got to focus,
use my laser-like
To give every shot
its optimum placement!
There you go--
that's the last one i got!
Victory is mine,
I guess we
won't be going
on that date.
Sorry, lady,
i can't hear you!
I'm too busy enjoying
my delicious hot dog!
Yep, there are
a thousand stories
in the city,
And this was
one of 'em.
Although i didn't
care for it much--
I thought the plot
was contrived
And the narration
lacked focus,
But at least
we tied up all
the loose ends
Or did we?
Here's your
i.D. Bracelet.
Here's a compass
in case you get
Mama! I'm just
going next door
To borrow
a cup of sugar!
Mrs. Krelmann?
Open up!
It's meJohnny!
Johnny! Did you call
a tv repairman like i asked?
No, mama! I saved
valuable time and money
doing it myself
Using these common
household items.
Well, all right,
Now let's see.
All i have to do is
press liquefy
UhMaybe i should've
tried "puree".
sentient life form.
Hey, pink eye!
You talkin' to me?
Yes. You have displayed
superior intelligence
By accessing
the contestant search
On our pan-dimensional
transbase frequency.
I knew that!
Yes, very nice.
Now, please prepare
for molecular transport.
I don't know.
Mama won't let me
cross the street.
I doubt she'd let me
be molecularly--
Greetings, humanoid.
Welcome to
the green room.
The green room?
This is where you perform
your bizarre experiments?
No, this is where
you sign the release.
Aha! Which allows you
to plant alien eggs
in my stomach!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Uh, no. Now
close your mouth.
So you can stick
a brain leech in my ear?
I don't think so!
Relax! I'm just
touching your face up.
You're a bit shiny.
Ha haPowdery!
I guess this means you want me
to be a part of your
alien breeding program.
Bad behavior
will be punished
By shock to your
obedience collar.
Your stun gun says no,
But your horrible
empty eyes say--
Hey, what the heck
kind of a place is this?
Announcer: Tonight,
earthling johnny bravo
will try to buck the odds
And win the ultimate prize
On andromeda's
favorite game show
Audience: Who wants
to amass quatloos?
Announcer: Now, here's
the host of who wants
to amass quatloos?,
Excegius fizbin!
Hello! I'm excegius fizbin,
and i'm goin' nuts!
So, tell us
about yourself, johnny.
I'm frightened
and confused.
Wonderful! Let's
introduce your opponents.
Oh, don?
He's a tertiary drone
from the cyborg
Let's welcome
one of two!
You will be
And our third
From the prison
colony on remulan 6,
Meet kleptor!
Now, contestants, you're
familiar with the rules of
Wheel of[screach].
Uh, not really.
But i would like
to point out that
you're all a bunch of
Alien freaks!
Ok, let's play.
We're looking for
a trans-temporal multiwarp
equation. One of two?
Whoa! 200 quatloos!
Is there aTheta?
Yes there is--
there are two of them!
I'd like to buy
a prime number.
oh, sorry!
Johnny, your play.
Boy, being abducted
to an alien planet
sure makes me hungry.
I could really go
for some chili,
or cake, or--
3 seconds, johnny.
Or pie!
Show me pi!
Yes, there are 5 of them!
Johnny, you're our winner!
In your face,
one ofDuh
Tell him about his
stupid parting gifts!
No, johnny. As usual,
our losing contestant
Has his home planet
Oh, too bad.
Well, enjoy slaving away
in our underground sulfur mine!
Uh, i really don't
think i want to
play this anymore.
Johnny, you and kleptor
move on to our next segment!
Now, whoever catches
the most diggums before
the clock runs out wins!
Ha! This shouldn't
be too hard.
Johnny: Hey!
Come back here, you!
Hey, get back here,
you little--
Ok, i got one!
Victory is mine,
earth man!
Sneezing powder--
an alien abductee's
best friend!
Johnny wins!
Sorry, kleptor,
but thanks for playing.
Yeah, well,
this was fun.
I'll just
take my quatloos
and go back home.
Not so fast, johnny!
You've made it
to our bonus round,
where you go one-on-one
Against our planet's
supreme intelligence in
Suck my brain out!
Hello, johnny. I'm ready to
defend my quatloos against you
In mano a mano combat.
Stop! I've had
enough of this!
I can't play for
anything as trivial
as quatloos!
Then what do you propose?
That we play for
freedom--my freedom,
And that of every other
creature caught in
your fiendish web of
How about we just
throw in a case of
Chocolaty mars mellows?
Mars mellows?
Remember, whoever absorbs
his opponent's thoughts
first wins!
No! Something's wrong!
Oh, the cold terrible
Ha! Maybe next time
you try to absorb
a person's mind,
You'll make sure
he has one!
Wait--that didn't
come out right.
Well, this is quite
I'm afraid we have to
blow up our own planet!
But thanks for playing!
Johnny, are you warping
time and space again?
Well, all right, then.
Myriad are the life forms
that inhabit our
strange galaxy,
And wondrous are
the ways that
Mmm! Mars mellow! Mmm!
Captioning made possible
by turner entertainment group
And u.S. Department of education
Captioned by the national
Whoa, mama!
A babe!
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