Johnny Bravo (1997) s03e17 Episode Script

The Hansel and Gretel Witch Project/I.Q. Johnny/Get Stinky

Man, i'm pretty.
Huh, hah, huh!
Do the monkey with me.
Come on!
Hey there, baby.
Ooh! Aah!
Yeah, whatever.
Captioning made possible by
Turner entertainment group and
u.S. Department of education
Tuesday, june 4, 9:57 a.M.
We're approaching
the subject's door.
I'm going to see
if he's home.
Oops! Sorry.
Hi, johnny!
Carl and i were wondering
if you wanted to help--
You'll never
take me alive!
He's making
a break for it!
Stand back, carl!
Carl: He's going
into the kitchen!
Follow him!
Come on!
Carl: Whoa!
I don't see him.
He went out the cat door!
Carl: Check
under the pool!
He's not there!
[slurping noises]
Oh, right,
you were chasing me.
It's not my fault!
The neighbor's dog
told me to steal cable!
No, johnny, i was
just going to ask you
To help me with this
documentary i'm making
On the hansel
and gretel witch.
We need someone to do
the heavy lifting.
With my delicate knees
and missing ribs?
Forget it!
They say her house
is made completely
of candy.
I'm in!
SoThey say the witch
makes pastry out of
human beings
Then glazes them
with the tears
of her victims.
Oh, gee, i think i left
something in the car--me!
Did i mention
her house is made
completely of candy?
Oh, i found me again.
Note carefully:
Hansel and gretel
made the fatal mistake
Or leaving a trail of
breadcrumbs, which was
eaten by birds.
So i'm leaving a trail
of gravel instead.
[munching loudly]
You idiot!
What were you thinking?
Now we'll never
find our way out!
Don't worry, weed.
With my superior
pathfinding abilities,
We'll be out of
these woods in no time.
We've been lost
for 5 days.
Food and water are
getting scarce.
I don't know how much
longer we can--
Give me that thing!
I want to play!
And now, the works
of john philip sousa
played on my nostril.
[playing march]
Johnny, quit wasting
our batteries!
This is all your fault!
Johnny, quietly:
Suzy's starting
to lose it.
She's coming
Fear is starting
to consume her.
Johnny, give me that!
[wolf howls]
We're drawing straws
to see who's going
out into the woods
To face
the hideous terrors
that surround us.
Carl's picked
the shortest straw.
Now we find out
if he's a man
Or a trembling
I am confident that
the light of reason
Will dispel your
dark superstitions.
evil cackling]
Johnny: Morning.
Still no sign of carl.
Sweet! That means
i can have his stuff!
Suzy: Johnny!
Johnny, come quickly!
Look what i found!
It's the witch's cottage!
Then that must be
No! Carl!
My poor, dear,
sweet, deliciously
moist friend!
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.
I'll never
forget you.
Hi, johnny.
Ooh! Aaaah!
Carl! You're alive!
MmmHave we got
any milk?
We were all wrong
about the witch.
She's really nice.
She can't wait
to meet you.
Oh, hello, dears.
You must be hungry.
Why don't you come
inside for lunch?
Well, eating carl
did give me a hungry
man's appetite.
Mmm! Oh, no, really,
I couldn't eat
another bite.
But you're so thin.
We've got to put
some meat on those
bones of yours.
Yeah. Stuff a muffin
in it, little girl.
Come on, old lady,
keep making with
the free eats.
Oh, dear,
you are hungry.
I'll be right back
with more food.
Hey, look! I found
the old lady's scrapbook
of favorite recipes.
Ooh! Here's one for
german chocolate cake.
Let's seeChocolate,
cake, germans!
i was right!
The old lady is a witch,
And she's fattening us up
to turn us into pastries!
Johnny, you keep
the witch occupied
While carl and i run to town
and get the authorities.
More grub for me.
Oh, dear.
Where did
your friends go?
Oh, they thought you were
a witch who makes pastries
out of people.
Hey, is that tiramisu?
Why, no, it isn't.
This is my famous
blackout cake.
Really? Why do you
call it that?
No, really,
why do you call it that?
Oh, dear.
Awake already?
I haven't finished
baking you into
an oatmeal cookie.
An oatmeal cookie?!
I've always thought
of myself as more of
a pecan sandy kind of guy.
Now, into the oven
with you.
No! The horror!
The horror--
hey, can i lick the spoon?
Stop! Stop, witch!
There she is,
health inspector stan.
I'm afraid i'm going
to have to cite you for
improper food storage
And baking a guy
without a license.
Oh, dear. These pesky
government regulations
Are strangling
the small businessman.
You know, you'd make
a lovely cruller.
Sweet! She's gone!
That means we get
to eat her furniture.
And so the saga of the
hansel and gretel witch
Comes to an end.
Our 3 heros, battered
but triumphant,
Emerge into the daylight
to tell their--no, no!
don't eat the camera!
[johnny munching]
Man: Farnsworth,
i just got a bill for
30 pounds of bananas.
What's going on
in your division?
I think i'm on to
something big, sir.
Watch what happens
when i administer
this potion to skippy.
[glug, glug]
[test tube
Shall i compare thee
to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely
and more temperate.
You see, sir?
My new serum
Has increased
skippy's i.Q.
You mean to tell me
you spent all
our research money
Developing a potion
to make monkeys smart?!
Don't you realize people
want cute, fluffy monkeys?
Yes! What were you
Throw that junk
in the dumpster!
Get back to work
on the edible car!
if only dr. Miller
had allowed me
To test the potion
on humans.
But where am i going
to find a human with
the i.Q. Of a monkey?
Ah! This looks like
a perfect spot
To start my new career
as a street musician.
Sir! Sir,
stop for a moment.
Why? Not a fan
of the classics?
Give me a dollar.
Uh, i don't have
a dollar.
All i have is
this delicious, uh
Lemon-lime sports drink?
Uh, yes.
Well, gettin' down
with my bad self is
thirsty work.
[glug, glug]
how do you feel?
Generally, like this--
i find my fingers do
the bulk of the work.
Stop that!
Oh, it's no use.
I'm the worst scientist
in the world.
Oh, that's not true.
What about those lunkheads
who are working
on the edible car?
The hypotenuse of
an isosceles triangle is equal
To the sum of the square
of the remaining two sides.
Hey, i'm smart!
All those years of eating
whitefish have finally paid off!
Mrs. Bravo:
Now, let's see
According to
my feng shui book,
The chandelier,
which represents fire,
Should hang dangerously
near an open door.
Hey, mama, guess what!
Oh, my goodness!
Johnny, sweetie,
are you all right?
Oh, i'm fine, mama.
Fortunately, the inverse
gravitational pull
Of the chandelier
was offset by the bone
density of my cranium.
Say, what?
Oh, today's
crossword puzzle!
A 13-letter word
for "exclusive right
of inheritance."
Hey, bambina.
Huh, hah, huh!
[speaks phrase
in latin]
That's latin for,
"you don't have
to go home,
But you can't
stay here."
Well, if anyone
needs me,
I'll be upstairs
writing james
joyce's ulysses.
Heavens to betsy!
What's happened to johnny?
The blow to his head
must have made johnny
a genius!
As unlikely as that seems,
i believe it.
I can't wait
to tell the girls!
This part
spins the salad,
And here's where
the faxes come out.
I'm still working
out the kinks.
You know who can help you
with that gizmo is johnny.
They say
he's become a genius.
Really? I suppose
it could happen.
[both roaring with laughter]
and felicitations!
Hey, a salad spinner
fax machine.
Hold on. Looks like
you got a faulty
sprocket flange.
In the future, carl,
leave the salad spinner
fax technology
To the salad spinner
fax technologists.
Yeah, thanks, johnny.
Here's your chili,
Thanks, pops.
This is terrible!
Where's the bouillon?
Where are the herbs,
the "provence"?
Must i forever be surrounded
by knuckle-dragging plebeians?
Well, i'd stay longer,
but you bore me.
A bientot, mes amis.
The new johnny's
really smart.
I hate him.
Me, too.
And so ends my dissertation
on microeconomic market forces
In the benelux countries.
Any questions?
Yes. Who are you,
and why are you ruining
Our annual
bratwurst festival?!
If i could interrupt
All those in favor
Of hitting my obnoxious
son over the head
To return him to normal,
raise your hand!
You know, when
i said "philistines,"
i meant it in a good way.
Get him!
[crowd yelling]
Stop! Think about
what you're doing
If that's not
asking too much
From you low brow,
fatback-eating boobs.
Sorry, dear.
This may sting a bit.
Oh, no! Is this the end
of superintelligent
johnny bravo?
[alarm sounding]
What's going on?
The nuclear reactor
is going critical!
Only someone well-versed
in atomic physics
can save us!
Piece of cake.
Can you fix it, son?
No problem.
It's a simple matter of
balancing the neutrino flow
With the electron
And then we reconnect
the lithium diode to the
UhKnee bone.
Oh, no!
Johnny's getting
stupid again!
Don't worry. I have
the utmost confidence
in my son, the genius.
daisy, daisy
give me
your answer true
We're all doomed!
Voice over loudspeaker:
Meltdown in 20 seconds.
Perhaps i can be
of some assistance.
Who are you?
I'm a superintelligent monkey.
Your friend johnny and i
shared a smart drink earlier,
But, as i suspected,
it wears off on humans
in a matter of days.
That's ridiculous!
Are you implying that--
Quite. Now, shove over.
Ah, there's a good chap.
Voice over loudspeaker:
4, 3, 2, 1
Reactor stabilized.
Thank you, monkey.
You've taught us all
a valuable lesson.
I don't remember
what it was
Something about
humans and monkeys
Living together
Oh, whatever.
Let's push buttons!
Whoa! Ooh!
Thank goodness
the monkey saved
the town from
Nuclear disaster,
mrs. Bravo.
I'll say!
And more importantly,
Johnny's back
to his old self again.
9 x 10 = 90.
10 x 10 = 100.
Any questions,
Ha ha!
Talking monkey.
Announcer: What happens
when an idiot meets his echo?
I'm pretty.
Echo: I'm pretty.
I'm prettier.
I'm prettier.
No, i'm prettier.
No, i'm prettier.
I am!
I am!
You're dumb!
You're dumb!
I know you are,
but what am i?
I know you are,
but what am i?
Oh, he's good.
Silently, stealthily,
Arachnid guy
stalks his prey.
Look! Up on that building!
It's a jerk!
It's an idiot!
Someone call the cops!
Hated and feared
by those he has
sworn to protect,
Arachnid guy leaps
to a nearby building.
Uh-oh! Argh!
Aah! Oomph!
Whoa! Oom!
Have some more pickles
and grape juice.
Johnny should be home
any minute.
Johnny, wipe your feet!
Mama, do we have
any iodine?
I'm afraid this arm
is going to have
to come off in a--
Hey, baby,
i'd ask you to come
back to my place,
But you're
already here.
Oh, johnny, look
who's moving back
Into the
Your old
childhood buddy,
stinky brownstein.
Stinky brownstein?!
Hi, johnny.
Eww! Cooties!
Oh, johnny,
you're so funny.
I really missed
your since of humor.
Oh, really?
You know what
i missed about you?
Mama, i specifically said
when i was 8 years old
That you were not to let
her in the house again
For a million,
bajillion years!
Has it been a million,
bajillion years?
I don't think so!
Oh, nonsense!
You two used to be
That's because she glued
my arm to her back!
In fact, i went
through the closet
And dug out some
slides of you two
from the old days!
Here's when stinky
convinced you
It was cross-dressing
day at school.
Johnny: I knew the stripes
would make me look fat!
Stinky: Oh, look!
There's the time
i told you
That flagpoles
were made of candy!
Later, i found out
they're made of metal!
And here's stinky
pantsing you at your
grammar school graduation.
Oh, the neighborhood kids
laughed and laughed
And laughed and laughed
and laughed and laughed
and laughed
All right,
we get the idea!
Oh, don't be upset,
That was all
silly kid's stuff.
I've grown up
since then
And so have you.
Your mother didn't
tell me how tall and
handsome you've become.
Aah! She's gonna
give me a wedgie!
Ooh! Beat you to it.
Ha ha! That's
the last time you
make me look stupid!
How about you and i
go on a nice,
Relaxing picnic tomorrow?
Oh, sure, i get it--
just you, me,
And the swarm of
fire ants you'll be
putting down my pants!
I'll bring pie.
Tomorrow it is!
Oh, it's so beautiful
here, johnny!
Look at how pretty
the clouds look!
Oh, sure,
look up in the sky
So you can run down
to family court
And change my name to
president james buchanan
So that people
will come up to me
on the street and say,
"ooh! You had
an ineffectual
Well, i won't fall
for that again!
Oh, look, johnny!
Oh, i'll be right back.
Aha! Now's
my chance to get her
before she gets me.
She'll never expect
the old porcupine-in-
the-picnic-basket routine.
Ha ha!
I can see it now
She'll reach in,
expecting to find
a tasty tuna sandwich
Smothered with mayo,
dripping with
crispy lettuce
And zesty tomato
Johnny: Aaaah!
Johnny, what happened?!
Oh, like you didn't
expect me to put
The porcupine
in the picnic basket,
And then reach into
the basket and get
covered with quills!
Oh, she's good.
She's very good.
[crowd cheering]
Buying me front row seats
to the soccer match!
As if i didn't know
it's another of
her elaborate plans
To make me look foolish
in front of 30,000 people!
I've got our root beers,
I saved a seat
for you, stinky.
And don't worry.
I didn't rig it
in any way to pull
a joke on you.
I'd never do that.
Thanks, johnny.
Ha! I got you!
I got you good!
I stuck a "kick me"
sign on your chair,
And now it's
stuck to you,
And everybody's
gonna laugh at you!
There's nothing
on my back, johnny.
There isn't?
I wonder where
That pesky "kick me"
sign went to.
Look, mate,
that bloke's got
A "kick me" sign
on him.
It would be rude
not to put a boot
through his bum.
Whoa! Ooh! Unh
Oh, she is very,
very, very,
Very good.
Stinky: I've had
a wonderful day,
And i brought you
here to tell you how
i feel about you.
Yeah, yeah, that's great.
But first
Waiter, a round of milk
for everyone!
Get ready with the mops,
because when i tell this joke,
Milk's gonna come
shooting out her nose.
Ladies and gentlemen,
i'd like to propose a toast
To my oldest, dearest friend,
stinky brownstein.
But first, a joke.
Hey, stinky,
i met a guy today.
Go ahead,
drink your milk.
I met a guy today.
That's it,
take a big mouthful.
I met a guy today with
a wooden leg named sam.
What was the name
of his other leg?
I don't get it.
She thought
the leg's name was sam!
Huh! Unh!
All right, you win!
You came to town
to ruin my life,
and it worked!
You got me!
Are you happy now?
Johnny, i haven't been
trying to get you.
I've been trying
to tell you
What a wonderful
person you are,
And i was hoping
maybe we could become
more than friends.
Really? You know, stinky,
i never noticed before,
But you've turned into
a beautiful woman.
Oh, johnny,
hold me in your arms!
Oh, stinky!
[all laughing]
I got you!
Once a bonehead,
always a bonehead!
I totally got you!
i just really
got you
i just really
got you
i got you
i got you
You know, sometimes
the oldest relationships
are the most rewarding.
Johnny: Look out.
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group and
u.S. Department of education
Captioned by the national
Oh, mama!
A babe!
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