Johnny Bravo (1997) s04e03 Episode Script

Win an El Toro Guapo/Witch-ay Woman

- 1, 2, 3, huh!
Check the pecs.
Huh! Ha! Huh!
Man, i'm pretty.
Do the monkey with me.
Come on!
Hey there, baby. Ooh!
Yeah, whatever.
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- Man, i'd sure like
to be driving that truckload
Of foxy baywatching chicks.
- You've been watching
"kung-fu baywatching chicks,"
Featuring the new el toro guapo
4-wheel-drive truck.
- Ooh, el toro guapo.
- Mmm, el toro guapo.
- Hey, handsome,
want to win an el toro guapo?
- Are you kidding or what?
- Then enter the win
an el toro guapo contest today.
- How do i win it?
How do i win it?
- Just keep at least one hand
On the el toro guapo
longer than anyone else,
And you win!
- I win!
- Yes! You win!
- Oh, that's easy.
- The contest starts
at noon today downtown
At the corner of 15th and elm.
- Bye, mama. I got to go
win me an el toro guapo.
- Ok. I'll color
the easter eggs without you.
- 15th. Elm. Yep, here i am.
Where's the contest?
- Yeah, folks.
The win an el toro guapo contest
Is about to begin.
Just 20 seconds left
to get your hand
On the el toro guapo.
- Out of the way.
One side, contest losers.
- Yee-haw!
Let the contest begin!
- Hooray.
- Odd. This el toro guapo
is warmAnd hairy.
- Actually, i like
to think of myself
As warm and fuzzy.
It has a nice ring to it.
- Huh? Say, mister,
Is this the el toro guapo
- Well, it isn't "family feud."
- Of course
it's the el toro guapo contest.
- Yeah, but he'sNot
You're like a big buffalo
or something.
- I'm a bull.
- Tomato, potato, whatever.
I'm here for my el toro guapo.
- Well, you certainly know
what you want, don't you?
I like that in a contestant.
- Now remember.
You must keep at least one hand
on the bull at all times,
Or you will be
completely eliminated
From the competition.
- Hey, does his hand
count as one?
Because it's attached
to my arm,
Which is pretty huge.
Ha! And you might think
i was cheating,
But it'sIt's just that
I'm huge.
- People, people, let's get
this contest thing going.
You want to win
an el toro guapo?
- Yee-ha!
- Yeah. That's what
i'm talking about.
- Then let's lay down
the ground rules.
One--no toreadors.
- Aww.
- I also do floral arrangements.
- I said no!
Rule two--
no wearing the color red.
- Oh! I knew i should have
worn my lavender sweat suit.
- Rule 3--no sweaty palms.
You there in the back,
you've got sweaty palms.
I hate sweaty palms!
Rule 4--
everybody has to begin
By scratching my back.
So start scratching, people!
Oh, yeah. That's right.
Oh, perfect.
- Hey, are these
really the rules?
- Sorry.
I don't speak loser.
- Hooray!
- This contest
is getting kind of weird.
- Ok. Rule 5--
You all have to give me
a one-handed bath.
That means you, too, dexter.
- It's johnny. Ha!
Johnny bravo.
- Ok, johnny bravo,
if that's your real name,
Start scrubbing.
Ooh, that feels great.
- I can't even feel
my hand anymore.
- Ok. Rinse me off again
before i get all pruney.
That's better.
I feel so clean.
Hmm. Still quite
a few of you left.
Let's pick up the pace.
How about a rousing sing-along?
john jacob
jingleheimer schmidt
- Aah! No sing-alongs, man!
- Well, if you want
to beat 'em, join 'em.
the people always shout
there goes john jacob
jingleheimer schmidt
da da da da da da da
- this old man,
he played 523,234
he played knick-knack
on my
- Dinosaur.
- Hooray.
- Hey, johnny,
what shall we sing next?
- How about the shut up song?
- Hmm. I don't know that one.
Can you hum
a few bars to me?
Oh, i get it. It's a song
where i'm supposed to--
There's no singing,
And there's the shut up,
and it's all--
I got you, yeah,
But i don't like that song.
But i do like
take me out
to the ball game
take me out with the crowd
- buy me some peanuts
and cracker jacks
- i don't care
if i ever get back
[rooster crows]
- Good morning, everyone.
Sleep well?
- MustStayAwake.
- I don't know about you,
But i feel like
some early-morning exercise.
Hey, johnny.
- What?
You look like you work out.
What do you do
for your calves?
- I think i do
power squats or something.
- Power squats. Sign me up.
Ok, people, you might want
to hang on to something.
- Aah!
- Power squats.
Thanks, johnny.
- Not a problem.
- Let's see. 1, 2, 3, 4.
Hmm, there's still
too many contestants.
I need to get rid
of some more.
- Get rid of him next.
He's smelly.
[sniff sniff]
- Hmm. You're right.
He is nasty.
- Ooh.
- Yeah, and him next.
I don't like
the look in his eye.
- Ahh.
- Hey, no fair! It's like
you're working together!
- Hooray!
- Well, johnny, that's it.
There's nobody left but you
and the incredibly foxy babe.
- Incredibly foxy--what?!
Hey, gorgeous.
Where you been
this whole contest?
- Zip it, betty.
- Wilma. Hello, mr. Bull,
i'm morgan,
And i'd like
to get to know you well.
- Eww. That's too pushy.
I like johnny better.
He's sassy.
- Hey, i can do sassy.
- No, thank you.
- See, hot mama?
The buffalo likes me.
I'm gonna win
the el toro guapo,
So why don't you save us
all the waiting
And let go of him right now?
- Never. I come from
a long line of contest winners.
Take a look at these.
Spelling bee,
swimming champion, triathlon,
And that's
just from the third grade.
- Impressive.
- Who cares?
They're just medals.
I want to win
the el toro guapo.
- No, i want to win
the el toro guapo.
- I want to win
the el toro guapo.
- No, i want to win
the el toro guapo.
- Two folks fighting over me.
It's so nasty.
- I want to win
the el toro guapo.
- I want to win
the el toro guapo!
- I want to win
the el toro guapo!
- I want to win
the el toro guapo!
- I want a trip to europe.
- I want
to cut you a deal.
- I want an oompa loompa now,
- Oops. Dropped my hanky.
Could you pick it up for me?
Thanks, johnny.
You're a gent.
Oops. Dropped my anvil.
- Huuaah!
- Thanks.
Oops. Dropped my porcupine.
- Pick it up yourself,
metal girl.
- Hooray.
- Oh, johnny.
- Oh, lady who's gonna lose
the contest to me.
- You know,
now that i look at you,
I have to say i really
admire your style.
- Wow. That makes two of us.
- So, now that we're all alone,
Why don't we, uh,
really get to know one another?
- This is interesting.
- Hmm. Now you're playing
my song, baby.
- Great.
I'll go and fix myself up.
How about a little dinner?
- oh, look at the sky
it's a beautiful pizza pie
and they call it
belle amore
- Oh, johnny,
the night is beautiful, no?
- Mm-hmm.
Man, i'm starving.
- Hold my hand, johnny.
Look deep
Into my eyes.
Oh, and pass the parmesan.
- oh, look at the night
it's a--
johnny, stop!
- Whoa! That was close.
- Johnny, can't you see
i'm crazy about you?
Take your hand
off the bull, johnny.
- Look.
I--i mean, johnny.
This is a dangerous time
for you,
When you will be tempted
by the dark side.
- Don't give in
to her seduction.
Remember your destiny--
to win an el toro guapo.
- Win an el toro guapo.
[rock music playing]
No dice, sugar bun.
The buffalo's right.
Johnny ain't letting go.
- Fine. We both still
have our hands on the bull,
And i'll never let go.
Do you hear me? Never!
- Morgan!
- Dean?
- What are you doing
touching another bull?
- Me? I--i--
- Ha ha! Got ya!
- Oh!
- Hooray!
- Johnny bravo wins
the el toro guapo!
- IWin
The el toro guapo!
- Ta-da!
- Hold on.
You're the prize?
- I like to think so.
- But the tv said the prize
was an el toro guapo truck!
- Oh, you mean
the el toro guapo truck contest
Over there!
- We have a winner!
- Hi, johnny!
[engine starts]
- So, what are we gonna do now?
- Hmm. You know,
Fresh-cut grass
isn't half bad.
- Trust me, johnny.
I wouldn't steer you wrong.
- Steer! Ha ha ha!
- Oh, that's funny!
- Hooray!
- if you're gorgeous
and you know it, say, "i am"
I am.
if you're gorgeous
and you know it, say, "i am"
I am.
if you're gorgeous
and you know it
and your face
that surely shows it
if you're gorgeous
and you know it, say, "i am"
I am. Ha!
if you're gorgeous
and you know it, say, "i am"
I am.
if you're gorgeous
and you know it
say, "i am"
I am!
if you're gorgeous
and you know it
and your face
that surely shows it
if you're gorgeous
and you know it, say, "i am"
i am
if you're gorgeous
and you know it
and your--
Hey, little lady.
I couldn't help but notice
your private eyes
Watching me,
watching me, watching me.
- Do you mind
upping your shut?
I'm very busy.
- Busy?
Doing what?
- "madame voeela"
- Voila!
- Gesundheit.
- Hypnotist and palm reader!
All right? Happy?
Can you go now?
- Palm reader?
Do you also read biceps,
triceps, delts, lats?
- Enough. Bored now.
Johnny, i sense
that you are into thinking
That you are a man about town,
A shoe-in with the ladies,
Whose sole purpose
is to bother woman.
- Could you say that again?
Because all i heard
was "blah, blah, blah, woman."
- Now pay attention!
You will no longer be big,
annoying, womanizing oaf.
Instead, you will be
transformed into woman,
And as woman, you will learn
what it is to be woman
And how it is to endure
the many countless,
annoying, boorish men
Who, like you, think
they are god's gift to woman.
But until you learn
the important lesson
Of what it is
to really be woman,
Woman you will continue to be.
- Hey there, pretty mama.
[bravo thinking]
well, that was new.
Now, what's a frumpy
yet oddly attractive chick
Doing in my mirror,
And why is she playing
simon says with me?
Hey, maybe
it's the new dating thing.
Simon says rub your tummy.
Simon says jump up and down.
Simon says
do the monkey with me.
Come on!
But not much of a talker.
Probably playing
hard to get.
Well, johnny can play that game.
- Ha! Got ya!
Where'd you go?
- I hear you.
- Come on out!
- What?
- You.
- Who?
- Me.
- Me who?
- Me you.
Oh, man, i'm a chick.
What's up with that?
- Wait a second.
- You will be transformed
into woman.
Until you learn
the important lesson
Of what it is
to really be woman,
Woman you will continue to be.
- Oh, man!
Well, at least i sound right
in my head, but what about--
- Hee! Ha! Huh!
Oh, yeah. I still got it.
- But now what?
Oh, yeah. I guess
i'm supposed to learn a lesson.
- I know.
Chicks are for looking hot.
- Lesson learned.
now bring back my body to me
Maybe that's not the lesson.
Come on, girl.
Let's get pretty
So i can get my brother back.
- Hello?
- Wow. I don't think
i've ever noticed
All the pretty
floral patterns in mama's room.
- Such attention to detail.
My room should really
get a makeover.
- Speaking of makeovers
I was so much prettier
as a man.
- Aah!
- Johnny!
How's my baby doing?
- Just fine! Just--
[lower voice]
um, just fine, mama.
Just need to, uh,
borrow your tweezers.
- Whatever you need, dear.
- Ow! Stinging!
- Ow! Stinging!
- Ow!
- Ow!
- Ow!
- Ow!
- Oh, man!
- Oh, man!
- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
- Pretty, but plain.
Time for makeup.
That's not it.
- Aah!
Next, turning my hairdon't
into a hairdo.
- Johnny's specialty.
Hey, little lady,
how about you and me
Go share a combo platter?
- Oh, wait. It's still me.
- Now for the clothes.
No, no, no, no, no.
I guess this'll work.
Will you look
at all these pretty butterflies?
And the flowers!
And, oh, look at those
happy children playing.
Life sure is different
through chick-colored glasses.
- That's right.
Get a load of johnny.
Uh, i mean jenny.
Ha! Jenny brava.
- [giggling]
- [laughter]
- What's with the nastiness?
You'd think that these guys
would be fighting
To check out my lovely factor.
- [whistling]
- [panting]
- What have they got
that i don't got?
There seems to be
a little less swagger
in the step.
Now i'm getting it.
- [chuckling]
- Oh, man!
I'm, like, the ugly chick now.
What's a girl to do?
- [gasp]
Oh, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.
Those pants, that shirt,
those shoes.
Honey, you're tore up
from the floor up.
- Hey, buddy,
what's the big idea?
- Don't you see that under
those disgusting rags
Is a lioness waiting
to unleash her inner
- Uh-huh.
- Now let's get
your flower blooming.
Now go and be beautiful.
- Seems if you're gorgeous,
You can get anything
you want.
- That's it.
Maybe that's the lesson.
If you're gorgeous,
you can get anything you want!
["want" echoing]
[cricket chirping]
- Sock it to me,
powers that be. Ha!
OrMaybe not.
I love this.
This unicorn is so cute,
And my shoes, though tight,
are to die for.
Looks like a pump,
feels like a sneaker.
- I must be a snowflake
because i've fallen for you.
- Oh, yeah.
It's hard being me.
- Am i in heaven?
Because i am seeing an angel.
- An angel on earth, baby.
- Man, you're hot.
- Eww. He should try that
brushing-the-tongue thing.
- [speaking foreign language]
- What?
- Bonjour, ma petite azure.
- Where are all
these guys coming from?
- [speaking foreign language]
- Now this is crazy.
- Your name must be destiny
Because destiny
is in my future.
- That's enough!
My name's not destiny!
It's jenny!
- Stop!
- Stop!
Is this what being a woman
is about?
Do these jerks think
just because we're totally hot,
It's open season to be
completely annoying?
What does it all mean?
- you think
that men are pigs
i say we all know
that's a fact
so listen to me,
sister friend
'cause i now have your back
they think
they've got it going on
that they're a work of art
don't pay them any minding
they know
that girls are smart
- Now that's what
i'm talking about.
- Oh, yeah.
Girls are smart.
- you think that you
are something fresh
i know that you was cool
and with your
grooving ups and moves
you know that you can rule
girl, you got to think
and put your mind
before your heart
'cause the real
important lesson is
- hey, hey, hey
- that girls are smart
yeah, yeah, yeah
the packs of guys
are wanting
- What do they want?
- to check out
this new girl
but now they're
really bugging you
your head is in a whirl
but don't you
go a-fretting
or let it get you in a bind
'cause the last thing
that they're checking out
is jenny's brilliant mind
it's time
for you to use a little
of your common sense
use martial arts
or pepper spray
it's all in self-defense
you know
you've got the strength
in your body,
mind, and heart
and with that strength,
you'll also learn
- Girls are smart.
Break it down. Ooh!
- Girls are smart!
- That's right, jenny.
You're all that.
Jenny! Jenny!
- [chanting "jenny"]
- Come on.
Work with me. Work with me.
Come on, y'all. Come on.
- Oh! I get it.
I think i just learned a lesson.
- Girls are smart.
- Girls are smart.
- Jenny! Jenny! Jenny! Jenny!
- Ahem.
That's johnny, little ladies.
Johnny bravo.
Oh, i see there's
a whole lot of women out there,
So if you're looking to feast
on 100% u.S.D.A. Prime hunk,
There's more
than enough johnny to go around.
Holy nightmare on elm street.
That was a freaky friday
of a dream.
Everything ok, johnny?
- As beautiful as a rainbow.
Hey, we got any
corn flakes, mama?
I'm feeling a little hippy.
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
Captioned by the national
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