Johnny Bravo (1997) s04e08 Episode Script

Gray Matters/Double Vision

- 1! 2! 3! Huh!
Check the pecs!
Huh! Ha! Huh!
Man, i'm pretty.
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Do the monkey with me!
Come on!
Hey, there, baby.
Yeah, whatever.
- Here is a tale of a man
we all love--
God's gift to women
sent down from above,
Strutting his stuff,
this fine, strapping lad
Has a streak of good luck
that's about to turn bad.
- Ha! Make way
for j.B. Buff-n-stuff.
1, 2, green, floor.
Uh! Hey, who turned up
the gravity?
- Excuse me,
can i work into your set?
- sure.
Let me just finish here.
One million-five
Two billion-six
- 10 whole pounds.
Ooh, that's a lot
for someone your age.
- What? 10?
And what do you mean,
"your age"?
- Let me get that for you,
old timer.
- Old what?
- You might want to put
some salve on that.
- Ahh
What's she
talking about, old?
Why, i'm just as spry and spunky
as i've always been.
Did i just say spry
and spunky?
Who says spry
and spunky anymore?
- Oh! Isn't he cute?
- Oh, yeah. Work it, johnny,
work it. Ha!
- That is so totally
how i'm gonna look when i'm old.
Move it or lose it, i say.
- Why, i oughta
[teeth break]
What's happening to me?
Where's my muscles?
Where's my young beefcake
Where's all the hot chicks
waiting in the wings?
- Yoo-hoo!
How's it going,
mr. Crusty stud muffin?
- Aah!
What the--
Whew! It was only
a stupid dream.
I'm still young. Ha!
Still springtime fresh.
Huh! Ha!
Which is good, seeing
as i've got a hot date
this afternoon.
Beauty's where you find it.
What the--
Aah! I did not just see
a gray hair on my head.
It has to be a scratch
or something on the mirror.
[breathes deeply]
Now, let's try this again.
Hey, good-lookin'.
Aah! Somebody must've
replaced this mirror
with a trick mirror.
Oh, no! Gremlins must've gotten
to this mirror, too.
Wait a second.
Aw, man!
It's for real.
I know how to deal
with the likes of you.
Now, let's get
that little bad boy, shall we?
Ha ha ha!
- Hee hee hee!
- No smart aleck hair
makes a fool out of johnny.
- Whoa!
Aah! Ha ha ha!
- This is so not good.
- Ta da!
- No way, gray.
Johnny's got a date,
and i ain't got no time
for this nonsense.
And don't come out
till you're nice and blond.
- Hey, johnny! What's with
that big, gnarly gray hair?
- Ha ha! I don't know
what you're talking about.
Johnny bravo is blond,
100% natural hulk hogan blond.
- Actually, it's more
like stone cold gray.
- Hi!
- Oh, mama, say it ain't so.
- Sorry. It's so.
So so that the glare
nearly blinded me
from down the street.
- Hush little lady.
Don't say a word.
Johnny don't need
your mocking words.
- No mocking. Helping.
I want to help you.
- I said hush!
I need the silence
for the thinking.
I need to find someone
who can help me
get this gray out.
- I can help you.
- I know!
I'll just go back in time,
Collect some hair
from me in the past,
Then come back to the future
and hide the gray hair
By gluing the new hair
all around it!
Oh, that's great!
Now all i need
is a time machine.
- Or i could help you.
- Do you have
a time machine?
- No, but i think i have
some hair products
At my house that could help.
- I guess i could try that
till i get a time machine.
- That's the spirit.
- Mmm! Venison. Good eats.
- Shh! I'm not done.
Says here to apply "two cups
of bacon grease." check.
"a dash of bean curd,
And a slab of tofu
to the troubled area."
Check. "pour on seeds.
Next, work into the scalp
with 3 screeching monkeys."
- 3 screeching what?
- [monkeys screeching]
- [shouting]
Ohh, mama.
- Perfect. Next,
we've got to place it
in a nylon setting.
- I wonder if brad pitt
has to do this.
- And heat for 20 minutes.
Now, for the great unveiling.
Not a gray hair
on your heady head he--
- Huh! Ha! Ha!
- Hey!
- This is the last time
i listen to you.
I'm still a strapping
hip hipster.
I ain't letting no gray
ruin my day.
I'm taking my feisty gray friend
out on the town,
And we're gonna meet up
with my sweet little chinchica.
- Go get her, johnny!
He doesn't stand a chance.
- Ha! Well, hello,
little lady.
You waiting
for a young stud?
- Why, yes, i am.
But i think he stood me up,
'cause i don't see him anywhere.
- Well, look no further,
pretty mama,
'cause johnny bravo
has arrived.
- [giggles]
you must be johnny bravo, sr.
- What?
- That's a funny joke,
mr. Bravo, sir.
Is johnny running late?
'cause i'm happy
to wait for him.
No. I'm johnny bravo.
The one, the only,
the younger, not the elder.
- Gosh, sir,
don't get me wrong.
You look great for your age,
But i really don't go
for the whole grandpa thing.
- I'm no grandpa!
Just look at these biceps.
Huh! Ha! Huh!
And look. I can pick you
and this bench up.
- Don't worry, mr. Bravo.
Just tell johnny to call me
when he's free. Ta ta!
- Oh, dagnab it!
I guess i am old.
- look at johnny
he's an old man now
he's older than a cow
gray man johnny
see the old man and me
the old man of the sea
- Consarn it.
- he's an old dude
now he's leaving
good-bye, old guy
- Hey, buddy,
care for a game of chess?
- Aah!
- Shuffleboard?
- Aah!
- Hey! Come on in.
You're just in time
For the early bird
senior discount breakfast.
- Breakfast? At a bargain?
- Care to take in a picture?
The theater down the block
has a great senior discount.
- Well, i'll be.
Don't mind if i do.
- [slurping]
- Ha ha!
That was a knee slapper.
- You're darn tootin'.
- Ohh! My back.
- Here. Take my cane.
- No. No, i couldn't.
- Oh, heck, i got plenty.
The hospitals hand them out
like candy, don't you know?
- Why, thank you.
I'm much obliged.
Best be heading home now.
Wow. This old man stuff ain't
as bad as i thought it would be.
[horn honks]
Hello, little lady.
Going my way?
- Why, yes. Oh, girls!
- [girls giggling]
- Say good-bye
to the old man, girls.
- Good-bye, old man!
- [sighs]
At least i still have
my memory.
- Hey, buddy,
are these your teeth?
Somebody forgot them
back at the coffee shop.
- Yeah, it wouldn't surprise me.
Wow. Where does the time go?
- Johnny,
what happened to you?
- I got a gray hair.
Now i'm old. The end.
Can you rub my feet, mama?
- Gray hair?
You mean that little thing?
Oh, johnny,
don't you know gray hairs
only come from worrying?
What in the world could
your pretty little head
be worried about, huh?
- Well, i did have
this awful dream
that i was old and--
- Wait. Stop right there.
Now, that is something
that you don't ever
have to worry about.
You, johnny bravo,
are my baby.
And being my baby,
you will never be old
And will always be
the most beautiful man
In the whole wide world.
- And then something funny
did happen that day.
His gray hair did grow
3 times blonder, some say.
So johnny got up,
and he went out the door,
Living life fully blond,
his gray hair no more.
- You can never have enough
blow driers, i always say.
- Aw, i thought you said
this would only take a minute.
- Johnny, when did you learn
to tell time?
- Hey, the latest issue
of "where's wally?"
Ha ha ha! I just love
looking for wally.
And it's the swimsuit issue.
Hot dog!
- [humming]
- What's this?
The abdominator?
"a righteous 6-pack,
or double your money back."
Yeah, right.
Ha ha ha! There's wally.
Now, where are
those swimsuits?
- Shampoo, cream rinse,
Rubber baby bubble bath,
And the magazine.
- Huh? Oh, yeah.
- Bingo!
MmPolka dotty.
- [humming]
- Hey, mama,
how far away is tahiti?
- What do you mean, "mama"?
- Whoa, mama!
What have you been doing?
You look great.
- Oh, thank you.
- I mean,
we go to the store,
And you come back
a whole new you.
- Wow. Thanks.
Didn't i see you
at the make-up mega mart?
- Seriously, it's like
when bruce banner
turns into the hulk,
Except you're not green
and ugly.
- And who are you again?
- What do you mean,
who am i?
I'm johnny,
your special little boy.
- Well, of course
you're special, johnny.
So i guess the store
has door-to-door service.
Who knew?
Well, then, shouldn't you be
helping me unpack my stuff?
- Aw, sure thing,
new-and-improved mama.
- Who's he?
- Johnny, from the triple m.
- Who's he?
- Jimmy, my son.
- You had another kid?
When did this happen?
- Oh, like, 10 years ago.
- 10 years? Oh, man,
i've got to pay more attention.
I--i can't believe
i have a little brother.
- Wow! I always wanted
a big brother.
Mom, can johnny stay
and play?
- I guess, if it's all right
with him.
Don't you have to get
back to the triple m?
Totally random.
- lunch lady surprise
when i look
into your eye-eyes
lunch lady surprise,
oh, yeah
Hi, suzy.
Be a honey and carry
in the rest of the bags,
Would you?
- Uh, sure, mrs. Bravo.
- Oh. I didn't mean you, dear.
- Who did you mean, then?
- Well, johnny, of course.
- Johnny? Where's johnny?
- In the car.
- Johnny's not in the car.
- Johnny's not in the c--
- Aah!
[sirens, police radio voice]
- And how long has your boy
been missing, mrs. Bravo?
- About 6 minutes!
- Ah, good golly.
Bring out the crime dog.
- [barks]
- This is snuffles,
the crime dog.
- Hi, snuffles.
- Yes, yes, yes.
Try to be calm, mrs. Bravo.
Do you have anything of johnny's
that the dog could smell,
Like an article of clothing?
- His comb.
- Oh!
- Snuffles
- [grunting]
- Oh, all right.
- Mmm! Mmm!
Mmm-mmm mmm-mmm mmm!
- Is he ok?
- Yes, ma'am.
He's just weird like that.
- Ok, i got it.
- Come on, johnny.
I'll show you
my baseball card collection.
- Hey, what did you do
to my room?
All my stuff's different.
- What do you mean?
- Where's my autographed
farrah fawcett poster
And my lava lamp?
And where's my barbells?
- They're not here
because it's my room.
- Oh, so now it's your room.
You know, i don't remember
saying i'd share it with you.
It's not fair!
- Listen, johnny,
if you're gonna be
my big brother,
Let's try and get along.
- Please what?
- Do something a big brother
would do,
Like play baseball with me.
Ok, johnny boy,
put some pepper on it.
Gimme all you got.
Come on, pitch it.
- Quit trying
to boss me around.
Oh, man,
little brothers are a pain.
Ok, you asked for it.
- And the home crowd
goes wild!
- How about we play
something else?
- I know! Wheelbarrow races!
We won!
Ok, switch.
- [johnny grunts]
Aah! Aah! Ooh! Oy!
Get off! Get away!
No, not the hair!
- We won again!
- [dog barking]
- Ok, johnny, now do
a double can-opener
jackknife corkscrew!
- Quit telling me
what to do!
Ha! Ha! Ha!
- Cannonball!
- Dude, that was extreme!
[elephant trumpets]
- Wow! How cool was that!
Hey, can we go play
some more baseball?
- I got a better idea.
What do you say
we watch baseball on tv?
- Which way did he go,
now, boy?
- [grunting]
- Oh, all right, snuffles,
But i'm getting low
on dog biscuits.
- Mmm! Mmm!
Mmm-mmm mmm-mmm mmm!
- Oh, please, officer.
My boy has been kidnapped!
For heaven's sake,
can't he hurry up a bit?
- No, ma'am,
i'm afraid he can't.
- [sighing]
- Don't worry, johnny!
We're coming!
[rock music playing on tv]
- Hey, this isn't baseball.
It's kung fu
baywatching chicks.
I thought you said
we were gonna watch baseball.
- Huh? Oh.
I didn't say baseball.
I said beachball.
See? They're playing beachball.
Watch and learn, kid.
- Hey! Who's that little girl
at the window?
- There he is!
There's johnny bravo!
- Oh, man, it's that
annoying little kid
from next door.
Quick! We gotta hide!
- What annoying little kid
from next door?
- Come on, kid!
- It's kind of stuffy
in here, johnny.
and dusty.
- Yeah, well, whatever you do,
don't make a sound, or she--
- Ah-choo!
- Gesundheit.
- Thank you.
- What the--
Oh, man.
- So you're our neighbor?
- Suzy. My name is suzy.
And you, johnny.
You had us so worried.
Your mama and the police
are downstairs looking
everywhere for you.
- That's weird.
I've been home
the whole time,
Playing with
my little brother here.
- But your mama says
you were kidnapped.
- Kidnapped?
Jimmy, how could you?
You were like a brother
to me.
- Come on, johnny.
Let's go find your mama.
She'll help us
work this out.
- Yeah. Find mama.
- But he just followed me home.
I thought he was,
like, the bag boy.
- Mama?
I'm completely confused.
Now there's two mamas.
- Johnny?
- Mama!
- Johnny!
I was so worried!
- Sorry, lady,
i thought you were my mama.
- You thought
i looked like her?
- You thought
i looked like her?
- Another job well done, boy.
- [grunting]
- Nope. All out
of dog biscuits. Sorry.
- The dirty rotten
no-good razzle frazzle.
- What's with the weird dog?
[sirens, voice on police radio]
- Well, the important thing
is you're safe.
Let's go home.
- Mama, before we leave,
I want to give a fond farewell
to my new made-up mom
And fake little brother
and tell you how special--
Or not. Whatever.
Hey, mama, what do you say we
make some hot fudge sundaes?
- With chocolate sprinkles?
- And peanut butter
and marshmallows!
- Aw, it's good to be home.
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