Johnny Bravo (1997) s04e11 Episode Script

Wilderness Protection Program/A Page Right Out of History

- 1, 2, 3, huh!
Ooh. Check the pecs. Huh ha huh!
Man, i'm pretty.
Do the monkey with me.
Come on.
Hey there, baby.
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turner entertainment group
Yeah, whatever.
- 1 and 2 and 7 and tutti.
[doorbell ringing]
What the--
That sounds like the ding-dong
of a sexy female lady woman.
Oh, you're no female lady woman.
- No, sir.
- You're a--you're a cow
In a business suit.
- Yes, sir. Moo.
Mr. Bravo, i'm from
The wilderness
protection program, and--
- Do you sell cookies?
- No. We give undercover
To people hiding from the mob
By assigning them
new identities.
You've been selected
to receive a domestic partner.
- A female lady woman?
- A wife. Yes.
- A female wife?
- Yes.
- Who's a lady?
- Yes.
- Who can help out
around the house?
- I suppose.
- Whoo! Bring it on,
cow woman!
- Just sign here,
here, and here.
- Cross the "t,"
dot the "i," and done.
- Mr. Bravo, i'd like
to introduce you
To your wife becky.
- [high-pitched giggle]
Moose strength. Ha.
- You want me to marry
a lady moose?
- Technically,
you've already married her.
You may now kiss the bride.
- You two will now be known
as johnny and becky jones,
A nice happy family
of elephants.
The mobsters
will never find you.
- What?
Nobody's gonna believe
we're elephants.
- Not with that attitude,
they won't,
But the system works.
Just last month i set up
a nice family of stool pigeons
To pretend to be hippos.
- Hey, hippos, have you seen--
- He did it.
- Anyhoo, here's a book that
should answer any questions.
Have a good marriage,
and if you need anything,
Don't hesitate to call me.
Ha ha ha ha!
Just kidding.
You're on your own.
Ha ha ha ha!
"don't hesitate to call."
Oh, man, i'm funny!
I kill me.
- Ahem. Little help.
- [groaning]
Stuck moose.
- Oh, i always dreamed
my wedding night
Would be like this--
Nice house in the suburbs,
a handsome husband by my side,
Fake elephant trunk.
- Tell me again
why i married a moose.
- Oh, you hate me!
I knew it.
I'm a horrible wife.
I'm not pretty enough.
I can't help it
that i'm this big!
I have a slow metabolism.
Also, i'm a moose!
- Hey, there, there,
mrs., um, uh, jones--
I mean, uh, honeybunch.
- Johnny, the mob--
they were after me!
You see, i used to work
as a waitress in a speakeasy,
But i swear, i didn't know
it was a mob hangout.
- Whoa! Flashback!
- I thought it would be easiest
to explain this way.
You see, one day i accidentally
walked in on the mob bosses
During a secret meeting.
- [indistinct] behind me.
Hey, you!
- [screaming]
And so forth.
- Gotcha.
- The point is, they think
i was spying on them,
And now they have my purse,
So they know who i am
and where i live,
And my ideal weight.
- Wow. Well,
we'd better start acting
Like a normal
american elephant family
So they don't find you.
- Oh, thank you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I'm going to be
the best wife ever,
Johnny jones.
- I hate this stupid
elephant trunk.
It hides my hunky face,
And the strap and the hair--
not a good combo.
- [growling]
Whoopsie doodle.
Moose instinct.
- Hey there, baby.
You like fish sticks?
- I guess.
- Oh, yeah? So do i.
It's like we're soul mates.
- Johnny bravo-hyphen-jones,
what are you doing?
You're a married elephant!
- That's why we need to track
down that little moose, capiche?
Yo, capiche,
get out of those cookies.
Here's her purse.
The address is on her license.
Find her!
- Ha ha ha!
That chandler is funny.
- Johnny, take out the trash.
- Oh, man.
Hey there, sugar.
- I don't date pachyderms.
- Well, that's great,
'cause i'm a one-derm
kind of guy.
Ha ha ha!
That becker's funny.
- Johnny, mow the lawn.
- Oh, man.
[wolf whistle]
Hey there, gorgeous.
- Hi, handsome.
Love your trunk.
- No. I mean,
i'm not actually an eleph--
- Ladies!
There's a new stud in town.
- Oh!
- Oh, rats.
- Rats?
- She wasn't there, boss.
- Yeah, we's went to
her house, but she split.
Must be hiding out somewheres.
- Well, find her, and give her
what she deserves
If you know what i mean.
Ha ha ha ha!
Excuse me.
- Johnny, sweetie,
i think i've almost perfected
My suburban elephant housewife
domesticated wave greeting,
But i need someone
to practice with.
- Not now, baby cakes.
I'm watching my stories.
- [barking]
- All right.
- Huh. I guess
i'll help you now.
- Oh, goodie, goodie, goodie.
Ok. Here it is.
Remember, i'm an elephant.
Ahem. Hello, sir or madam.
- Hey, what's that?
Some sort of puzzle piece?
- It must have gotten
stuck there at the mob hangout
When i fell down.
- Maybe it's the missing piece
of that secret plan
That you overheard.
- The plan. Right.
What's it say?
- Uh
I can't make it out,
but it looks like
A piece of the mob's
secret evil scheme.
- Oh, no! We need
to work backwards
To decipher the rest of the plan
So we can stop it, but how?
- We just have to figure out
the missing pieces!
The puzzle piece is green,
And green people always
want something from you!
What would--
- I got it! They want
to steal something!
- Green candy is sour,
So they're probably
stealing something
That's the complete
opposite of sour.
- Sweet?
- Of course!
Now, what's sweet?
- Sweet tarts?
- Sweet potato pie?
- "sweet child of mine"?
- "sweet home alabama"?
- Sweet honey?
- Aha! They're stealing honey,
but from who?
I can barely keep my eyes open.
- Barely? That's it! Bears!
- And look!
There's some sort of tiny speck
On the puzzle piece.
What could that be?
- A mole?
- That's it! The mob's
gonna steal honey
From all the bears in the forest
while they hibernate
And give it to the mole people
to use to conquer the world!
- You know what
we have to do now, right?
- Take off this fake beard?
- No. It makes you look regal.
- Fix this broken clock?
- Sure. But then
we have to warn the bears
About the mob's plan
before it's too late!
- Let's go.
Up and at 'em!
- Wake up, sleepyheads!
- Rise and shine!
- Early bear gets
the honey not stolen by mobsters
Who will then give it
to the mole people
To take over the world!
- [growling]
- This won't end well.
- You guys, listen up.
The mob is planning on
stealing your honey.
- Our honey?
What is this, winnie the pooh?
Only bears in cartoons
get their honey stolen.
- All right, cranky-face.
Someone seems overtired.
- That's because someone woke me
from my hibernation!
- [growling]
- That's enough!
- Yeah. We'll take it from here.
- Oh, they found me, johnny.
I'm done for.
- Not so fast.
Oh, please, mr. Mob guys,
don't kill me!
I'm too young and pretty
to be fitted with cement shoes
And thrown in the river
by mobster goons.
- Mobster goons?
You think we're in the mob?
- Ha ha ha!
The mob. That's rich.
Ha ha ha ha!
- You're not the mob?
- Ha ha! No!
- You mean the speakeasy
isn't a mob hangout?
- No. We're just in
the elks club.
- Yeah, we sit around
with the elks
Playing board games
and doing puzzles at the lodge.
- Well, then, why were
you chasing after me?
- You dropped your purse
when you ran out of the lodge.
We just wanted
to give it back to you.
- But i thought you thought
I overheard your secret
conversation at the table.
- Secret conversation?
Eh, the only thing
that goes on at the table
Is assembling jigsaw puzzles.
- Yeah, we couldn't
figure out a puzzle
Because a piece was missing.
- You mean this piece?
- I know an old elk who'll be
very happy to see that.
- Here you go.
- You don't know how much
this piece means to me.
This puzzle was an unsolvable
mystery without it.
I spent countless
sleepless nights
Trying to figure it out.
Oh, it's a koala bear.
Isn't he cute?
Thanks for helping us out.
You ever need anything
taken care of,
You call me, capiche?
- What? I wasn't doing nothing!
- You people confuse me.
- Prehistoric times,
Viewed by modern man
as barbaric--
Indeed, primitive.
Johnny bravo, viewed by
modern woman as barbaric--
Indeed, primitive.
Ironic, or just plain duh?
In order to answer
that question,
Let's travel back in time
And pay a little visit
to what we refer to
As the stone age.
- Hey, baby.
Me johnny. You hot.
let the sun shine in,
face it with a grin
- Holy mashed potatoes!
Look out, you idiot!
- Hoah!
Hey, thanks, mister.
I think you just saved my life.
- You're darn tootin'
i did, buddy.
- Samantha marble here
for "bedrock tv news."
We're here at the scene
of a horrible accident
In front of slate rock
and gravel company
Where this brave man
- Uh, fred.
Fred flintstone.
- Just heroically
saved the life of this--
- Unbelievably handsome
stud muffin johnny bravo--
Heavy on the stud.
- Hi, mom!
- Mr. Flintstone,
what made you want
To risk your life for this--
- Total stranger?
- It's not important
how this guy saved my life.
What's important is that i,
johnny bravo,
Plan on paying him back.
However, that is--
I mean, i'd do anything
for this big, fat guy.
- Will you--
- Flintstone?!
- Oh, boy.
- Why aren't you at your post?
I've got half a mind to
Uh, what--what's going on?
- Fred flintstone
just saved this man's life.
Any comments
about our new local hero?
- Like i said, flintstone,
I've half a mind
to give you a raise
And the day off.
And remember, folks, buy slate
for all your gravel needs.
- This has been samantha marble
With a "bedrock news"
special report.
Ok, people. That's a wrap.
Your 15 seconds of fame is up.
Let's move it, people.
Nothing to see here.
- [crowd muttering]
- Ho, man.
- Daddy, i saw you
on the news. Are you ok?
- Oh. I'm fine.
- I'm fine, and you're fine,
So what do you say we go out
and be fine together?
- Oh, yeah. Pebbles, this is
- Johnny! Johnny
the love of your life bravo.
- Johnny, this is pebbles,
my daughter,
Who i assume is going to have
dinner waiting for me tonight.
- Ha ha ha ha!
You know i can't cook, daddy.
- Yeah, well, with your mother
gone for the weekend,
That leaves a load
of womanly chores to do,
And you being a woman
- Daddy, what do you think
this is, the jurassic era?
It's the stone age!
- [squawking]
- Speaking of which,
me and the gang
Are gonna go study
at the library.
Mwah! Bye, daddy.
Bye, johnny.
Hope to see you around.
- Hey, bravo,
you want to pay me back
For saving your life, right?
- Uh
- I think i know
how you can do that.
I worked it out so you
could do the right thing
In paying me back.
Here's the deal.
Every time you finish
another chore for me,
I'll give you 5 points.
That way, you can work off
me saving your life,
Which is worth 100 points.
- 100 points?
That's a lot, right?
- Now here's samantha marble
With the story
of today's heroic rescue.
- It's not important
how this guy saved my life.
What's important
is that i, johnny bravo,
Plan on paying him back.
- So, bravo, if you're
good for your word
- You big softie.
- Oh, man.
- You know, wilma always
sings me a song
While i'm vacuuming.
- Oh, yeah?
Do you know this one?
I'm not wilma!
- Jeez, what a grouch.
- This is so not working out.
At this rate, i'll never be even
with that flintstone guy.
I gotta think of something.
- Hey, what if you found
a way to save his life?
Then you'd be totally even.
- What if i find a way
to save his life?
Then we'd be totally even!
- It'll never work.
[knocking on door]
- Either i'm at the wrong house
Or you've lost some weight,
fred, in a weird way.
- Hey, barn.
- Fred, you're still fat!
- Can it, wise guy.
Look, bravo, me and barney
Are gonna bowl a few frames
before dinner.
Just stick to the list
and everything should be a-ok.
- Hey, do you mind if i come?
I could carry stuff for you
and junk.
- Well, now,
that's the spirit, bravo.
I like that.
How's about you start
By carrying
my bowling ball for me?
- Great.
- Pick it up, bravo.
We don't have all day.
- All i need is to find a way
to save this guy's life,
And the whole thing is over.
This should be easy.
- So, fred, who's the new guy?
- He's my new
personal assistant.
- You mean like a slave?
- Assistant, barn.
Anyway, it's only till
wilma comes home.
Oh, bravo, want to earn
an extra two points?
- Whatever it takes.
- Thank you very--ugh!
- [laughing]
- Flintstone, look out!
- [groaning]
- Two chopped sabertooth
tiger chops. Order up!
Wait. Stand back.
Those chops could have some kind
of crazy jungle disease.
I better test it out.
Nope. No danger here. Shoot.
- Ha ha ha ha!
- Man, why did i have to be
saved by such a workasaurus?
I just want
to get with the saving
So i can stop the slaving.
- Oh, bravo.
- I used the powder
and everything.
- Well, that's two extra points
in your dish there, johnny boy.
Now, get ready
to see some magic.
- Well, at least his face
was shining in the ball.
- Yes, dear.
I love you, too.
Good night.
Barn, it looks like wilma's
coming home early tomorrow.
I'm in big trouble.
- What do you mean?
- Hello!
If you haven't noticed,
I tricked some poor dope into
doing all my chores for me.
Plus, he won't leave!
- I gave my word
that i would stay
Till we were all even, and
- He's sticking to it!
Wilma's gonna be plenty mad
when she finds out
- He has been using me
like a slave!
Oh, there's gotta be something
i can do to speed up
This whole saving my life thing.
I know! I just need a plan
where i can make sure
I save that big
fat guy's life, because
- If he repays me by saving
my life, we'd be even steven,
And i'd be done with
that dim bulb once and for all.
- So, what you gonna do, fred?
- We need a plan, barn.
- I got it!
Listen to this:
- Hey, how'd you guys know
I wanted to go to
the amusement park today?
- Well, they've got this new
dino coaster that's to dino for!
- Yeah! It's supposed to be
a real hootalee-hoot.
- Yeah, well, i don't
go much for coasters.
Why don't you two
go test her out?
- Fine. You stay here.
Just keep your eye on us,
ok there, pal?
- No problemo.
- You got us covered
there, old buddy?
- Covered.
- Are you sure
this is gonna work, fred?
- Barney, when have
i ever been wrong?
- Hey, got me
covered there, pal?
- Covered.
Right at the top, all right?
- S'all right.
- [screaming]
- Here we go!
A little hard on the stop,
don't you think?
- Sorry.
- Ok, barn, hit it!
- Help! Help!
- Help us!
- I never knew something so sour
could be so sweet.
- Hey, bravo, you big
lughead, save me! Help!
- Oh, yeah!
Time to get that
big monkey off my back.
Hey, where's my pterodactyl?
- Oh, yeah, barry.
I rented him out.
- What? But you said you'd save
your best pterodactyl for me!
- Hey, i'm sorry.
Some hot chick wanted him,
And you know you
can't say no to the ladies.
- Yeah. Well,
what else do you got?
- Eh, how about harold?
- Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
- Ok, buddy. I got
some lives to save.
To the dino coaster! Hyah!
- Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
- [whistling]
- Finally!
- I'm coming for you,
flintstone! Hold on!
Here i--no, here
Hold on. Now, here
Oh, man, can't you do
anything right?
- You know,
i have feelings, too.
- Ooh!
- [screaming]
- Now, what kind of a dodo brain
would go on a ride like that?
- [screaming]
- Hold on, daddy. I'll save you.
- [cheering]
- Wow. Now i owe you my life,
my bone-haired little beauty.
Can i start paying it off
by taking you to dinner?
- Look here, bravo,
you can save your life and mine
By getting out of town
right now!
- But--but--
- [whistling]
Dino! Get him, boy!
- [barking]
- Oh, daddy.
- Prehistoric johnny:
Ironic or just plain duh?
I'd say yabba dabba duh!
Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
Captioned by the national
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