Justice League Unlimited s01e05 Episode Script
This Little Piggy
Patience, princess.
Intergang moves in mysterious ways.
Tell me about it.
What use could they possibly have for the Rosetta stone? We'll find out soon enough.
And in the meantime-- I know, patience.
Don't you ever wish you were down there? I'm down there all I need to be.
Yes, but it's just a job to you.
I'm talking about going down there and having some fun.
Maybe Maybe with someone special.
No.
No dating for the Batman.
It might cut into your brooding time.
One, dating within the team always leads to disaster.
Two, you're a princess from a society of immortal warriors.
I'm a rich kid with issues.
Lots of issues.
And three, if my enemies knew I had someone special, they wouldn't rest until they'd gotten to me through her.
Next.
There.
Saved by the bell.
Just a common thief.
What happened to Intergang? J'onn must have gotten a bad tip.
It happens.
I'll take the crowbar.
Whatever you say.
That trick always went over big in Egypt.
Circe.
Be careful.
She's-- Yeah, I've read the Odyssey.
That it for you? What are you doing here, witch? You were banished.
They needed more space down below, so they paroled me.
Of course, I had to promise to leave your mommy dearest alone before they'd let me out.
Mother sent her to the Pits of Tartarus.
Circe had a nasty habit of turning innocent people into animals.
I'm real good at it too.
So I've read.
Let's not give her another chance.
I promised to leave your mother alone, little princess, but nobody said anything about you.
Rest assured, after I get done with you, Hippolyta won't want you for a daughter, and your pointy-eared boyfriend here won't want you for anything.
My poor assistant.
He's fallen all to pieces.
Let's see if I can help him pull himself together.
Oops.
Whoa.
Thank you.
You've been a wonderful audience.
And for my final illusion, I'd like to pull a rabbit out of my hat.
Trust me.
It isn't as easy as everybody thinks.
Come on, Bugs.
Where are you? Well, you're not as furry, but you're just as cute.
Cab ot lamron.
Hm.
A little slow on the switch.
Gotta watch that.
What was it? Some kind of hologram? Or was it the real thing? It's called sorcery, Bruce.
Usually, I play it straight, but for the big closer, I throw in a little dazzle.
But enough about my secrets.
What have you been up to? I haven't seen you in so long.
Can we discuss that later? Someone's in trouble.
Who? What kind of trouble? Well Ew.
Circe, huh? It was all over the Mystic Ethernet that she made parole.
I'll see what I can do.
Leks eeb nekorb.
Anyad bokeb namu.
WellI've given it my best shots.
I guess my powers run a distant second to those of a goddess.
We could call in one of the other lead magicians.
Dr.
Fate, maybe.
No.
I mean, let's keep this between us.
But why? If there's a chance to help Diana, shouldn't we tell everyone in the--? Oh.
Wait, wait.
You and her.
Are you two? Just good friends.
No.
You and I are just good friends.
There's something more between you and Diana.
Well, maybe there was.
Don't worry, Bruce.
I'll find a way out of this for her.
And you.
But I'm beginning to think that only Circe can turn our chubby friend here back into Wonder Woman.
And Lord only knows where she is right now.
Gotta get Your own tuxedo pressed Gotta sew a button On your vest 'Cause tonight You've got to look your best Lulu's back in town Gotta get A half a buck somewhere Gotta shine your shoes And slick your hair Gotta get this guy A boutonniere Lulu's back in town You can tell the mailman Not to call You ain't coming home Until the fall And you may not Get back home at all Lulu's back in town Come on, Sid, are you gonna sell me the chimera scale or not? You know the rules.
The elements of magic always come at a price.
And I don't take cash or plastic.
So, what do you want? Hey, is that thing housebroken? I'll take care of her.
Now about that final ingredient I need for my locator spell It's all yours for one silver good-luck fin.
Mid-Qing Dynasty, if you please.
What? That is robbery! What robbery? I'm giving it to you at cost.
It's a total rip.
I could conjure it up for nothing.
Try it.
Chimera scale is all but impossible to get, by magic or not.
I'm this dimension's only supplier.
Okay.
You win.
Surrup rippah.
Thank you.
We'll be done here soon.
I call upon the spirits of earth and air to reveal our enemy and make her whereabouts known.
This invocation works better frontwards than backwards.
Whatever.
Circe, show yourself.
Well, that was a lot of nothing.
Circe's pretty powerful.
If she doesn't want to be found, there's not much anyone can do.
Then what was the point of all this? Give me my coin back.
Sorry, kid.
No refunds.
You slimy little-- Zatanna, she's gone.
Do not fear.
Hey! Whoa! Well, that's it.
From mudhole to sty, we've looked everywhere.
Obviously we haven't, because we haven't found her yet.
Don't get snippy with me.
How many other girls would go this far out of their way for a cold, insensitive-- Yo, Bats.
Relax.
He's one of us.
B'wana Beast.
How ya doing? My legs are fine, as is the rest of me.
Up here.
Whoa.
She's got the fire of the cheetah in her.
Why are you doing this to me? Apart from being an expert tracker, he can communicate with animals.
I called him in to help search.
We're looking for a lost pig, pink, about 60 pounds, wearing two silver bracelets.
Used to be Wonder Woman.
Right on.
I'll yank in some of the other guys.
Let's keep the circle small.
Very small.
Soo-eee! Excuse me, sir.
I'm looking for a pig.
Gladys.
It's for you.
Yo, Wonder Pig! Bat, Beast.
Got a fix on your girl.
Good work.
I'll have her ready for pickup in-- Yeah, look, Bats.
I think I might have jumped the gun when I said I found the pig.
Keep looking.
Zatanna and I are going after Circe.
How? The locator spell didn't work.
It's time for one of my tricks.
We need a snitch.
Thank you for setting this up.
Please.
Your League has done much good in my name.
When you summoned me, how could I refuse? Here comes our stoolie.
Don't look at her directly.
Medusa, you have a chance to earn leniency if you help our visitors.
You were Circe's cellmate, weren't you? Sea girl and me did some time together back in the Pit of Eternal Torment.
That's where they hang you by your ankles, and weasels come each night to eat your fingers.
They grow back the next day, but trust me, it gets old real quick.
Did she ever mention Hippolyta? Are you kidding? "Hippolyta! Hippolyta!" All the time Hippolyta.
"When I get my hands on her.
" Yadda yadda yadda.
That much we know.
We're wasting our time.
Wait.
Wait.
Uh, there was one other thing.
Circe was always saying she wanted to headline at the amphitheater.
The amphitheater.
On Mykonos.
Duh.
It seems Circe was wicked jealous of her cousins, the Sirens, and swore she'd someday get her turn on the bandstand.
Sophocles got his start there.
Aristophanes.
All the big names.
You know those statues at the entrance? Mine.
Thank you, Medusa.
And know that you have earned off your sentence.
Freedom in 4010.
Ring-a-ding-ding! Uh.
There's a small service charge.
When you see Circe, tell her I want my curling iron back.
Come on, guys.
Help me out here.
Newcomer, silver bracelets, kind of stuck-up.
Hey! Get back here! Gotcha! That's it.
Soo-eee.
Here, piggy, piggy, piggy.
Have to admit, Medusa does good work.
Too good.
Thank you, thank you.
You've all been so kind to me tonight.
You know, my cousins, the Sirens, never thought I could sing.
Really.
They thought they were all that with their charm-the-sailors routine.
But I'm showing them, aren't I? Heh.
Oh, thank you.
I love you all! Are there any requests? Sege bukita atrice.
I'm not sure I know that one.
Insolent trickster.
You dare to strike--? Ow! You dare to strike--? Ow! You dare to strike--? Quit it! Oh, no.
Well? Defend your mistress.
Here, piggy, piggy.
Soo-eee.
Say good night, pork chop.
Wow.
Loose meat.
That'll do, pig.
Good job, boys.
Side of bacon coming up.
Abate mot jake.
You're both beginning to remind me of Sisyphus after a hard day pushing his boulder up a mountain.
But me, I could keep this up all night.
Wait.
It seems that magic always has a price.
And your point is? What would I have to give to make you lift your spell on Diana? Well, now you're getting interesting.
I want something from you that's very precious.
Something you've worked very hard to conceal.
Something, when gone, you can never regain.
Something so shattering Am I blue? Am I blue? Ain't these tears In my eyes tellin' you? Am I blue? You'd be too If each plan That you had done fell through There was a time I was Your only one But now I'm the sad And lonely one Beautiful.
And you'll keep your part of the bargain? A deal's a deal.
He can stop now.
Not on your life.
I should say Circe.
Remember when Penguin tried to kidnap that singer? Ricky what's-his-name? So? I spent a month on stakeout.
Must've heard that song a hundred times.
Is there anything you can't do? There's one thing I've never been very good at.
Saying "thank you.
" And, truthfully, it's all still pretty much of a blur to me.
Did I miss anything? Not really.
The important thing is you're safe.
Yeah.
Of course, that's not the only important thing.
Intergang moves in mysterious ways.
Tell me about it.
What use could they possibly have for the Rosetta stone? We'll find out soon enough.
And in the meantime-- I know, patience.
Don't you ever wish you were down there? I'm down there all I need to be.
Yes, but it's just a job to you.
I'm talking about going down there and having some fun.
Maybe Maybe with someone special.
No.
No dating for the Batman.
It might cut into your brooding time.
One, dating within the team always leads to disaster.
Two, you're a princess from a society of immortal warriors.
I'm a rich kid with issues.
Lots of issues.
And three, if my enemies knew I had someone special, they wouldn't rest until they'd gotten to me through her.
Next.
There.
Saved by the bell.
Just a common thief.
What happened to Intergang? J'onn must have gotten a bad tip.
It happens.
I'll take the crowbar.
Whatever you say.
That trick always went over big in Egypt.
Circe.
Be careful.
She's-- Yeah, I've read the Odyssey.
That it for you? What are you doing here, witch? You were banished.
They needed more space down below, so they paroled me.
Of course, I had to promise to leave your mommy dearest alone before they'd let me out.
Mother sent her to the Pits of Tartarus.
Circe had a nasty habit of turning innocent people into animals.
I'm real good at it too.
So I've read.
Let's not give her another chance.
I promised to leave your mother alone, little princess, but nobody said anything about you.
Rest assured, after I get done with you, Hippolyta won't want you for a daughter, and your pointy-eared boyfriend here won't want you for anything.
My poor assistant.
He's fallen all to pieces.
Let's see if I can help him pull himself together.
Oops.
Whoa.
Thank you.
You've been a wonderful audience.
And for my final illusion, I'd like to pull a rabbit out of my hat.
Trust me.
It isn't as easy as everybody thinks.
Come on, Bugs.
Where are you? Well, you're not as furry, but you're just as cute.
Cab ot lamron.
Hm.
A little slow on the switch.
Gotta watch that.
What was it? Some kind of hologram? Or was it the real thing? It's called sorcery, Bruce.
Usually, I play it straight, but for the big closer, I throw in a little dazzle.
But enough about my secrets.
What have you been up to? I haven't seen you in so long.
Can we discuss that later? Someone's in trouble.
Who? What kind of trouble? Well Ew.
Circe, huh? It was all over the Mystic Ethernet that she made parole.
I'll see what I can do.
Leks eeb nekorb.
Anyad bokeb namu.
WellI've given it my best shots.
I guess my powers run a distant second to those of a goddess.
We could call in one of the other lead magicians.
Dr.
Fate, maybe.
No.
I mean, let's keep this between us.
But why? If there's a chance to help Diana, shouldn't we tell everyone in the--? Oh.
Wait, wait.
You and her.
Are you two? Just good friends.
No.
You and I are just good friends.
There's something more between you and Diana.
Well, maybe there was.
Don't worry, Bruce.
I'll find a way out of this for her.
And you.
But I'm beginning to think that only Circe can turn our chubby friend here back into Wonder Woman.
And Lord only knows where she is right now.
Gotta get Your own tuxedo pressed Gotta sew a button On your vest 'Cause tonight You've got to look your best Lulu's back in town Gotta get A half a buck somewhere Gotta shine your shoes And slick your hair Gotta get this guy A boutonniere Lulu's back in town You can tell the mailman Not to call You ain't coming home Until the fall And you may not Get back home at all Lulu's back in town Come on, Sid, are you gonna sell me the chimera scale or not? You know the rules.
The elements of magic always come at a price.
And I don't take cash or plastic.
So, what do you want? Hey, is that thing housebroken? I'll take care of her.
Now about that final ingredient I need for my locator spell It's all yours for one silver good-luck fin.
Mid-Qing Dynasty, if you please.
What? That is robbery! What robbery? I'm giving it to you at cost.
It's a total rip.
I could conjure it up for nothing.
Try it.
Chimera scale is all but impossible to get, by magic or not.
I'm this dimension's only supplier.
Okay.
You win.
Surrup rippah.
Thank you.
We'll be done here soon.
I call upon the spirits of earth and air to reveal our enemy and make her whereabouts known.
This invocation works better frontwards than backwards.
Whatever.
Circe, show yourself.
Well, that was a lot of nothing.
Circe's pretty powerful.
If she doesn't want to be found, there's not much anyone can do.
Then what was the point of all this? Give me my coin back.
Sorry, kid.
No refunds.
You slimy little-- Zatanna, she's gone.
Do not fear.
Hey! Whoa! Well, that's it.
From mudhole to sty, we've looked everywhere.
Obviously we haven't, because we haven't found her yet.
Don't get snippy with me.
How many other girls would go this far out of their way for a cold, insensitive-- Yo, Bats.
Relax.
He's one of us.
B'wana Beast.
How ya doing? My legs are fine, as is the rest of me.
Up here.
Whoa.
She's got the fire of the cheetah in her.
Why are you doing this to me? Apart from being an expert tracker, he can communicate with animals.
I called him in to help search.
We're looking for a lost pig, pink, about 60 pounds, wearing two silver bracelets.
Used to be Wonder Woman.
Right on.
I'll yank in some of the other guys.
Let's keep the circle small.
Very small.
Soo-eee! Excuse me, sir.
I'm looking for a pig.
Gladys.
It's for you.
Yo, Wonder Pig! Bat, Beast.
Got a fix on your girl.
Good work.
I'll have her ready for pickup in-- Yeah, look, Bats.
I think I might have jumped the gun when I said I found the pig.
Keep looking.
Zatanna and I are going after Circe.
How? The locator spell didn't work.
It's time for one of my tricks.
We need a snitch.
Thank you for setting this up.
Please.
Your League has done much good in my name.
When you summoned me, how could I refuse? Here comes our stoolie.
Don't look at her directly.
Medusa, you have a chance to earn leniency if you help our visitors.
You were Circe's cellmate, weren't you? Sea girl and me did some time together back in the Pit of Eternal Torment.
That's where they hang you by your ankles, and weasels come each night to eat your fingers.
They grow back the next day, but trust me, it gets old real quick.
Did she ever mention Hippolyta? Are you kidding? "Hippolyta! Hippolyta!" All the time Hippolyta.
"When I get my hands on her.
" Yadda yadda yadda.
That much we know.
We're wasting our time.
Wait.
Wait.
Uh, there was one other thing.
Circe was always saying she wanted to headline at the amphitheater.
The amphitheater.
On Mykonos.
Duh.
It seems Circe was wicked jealous of her cousins, the Sirens, and swore she'd someday get her turn on the bandstand.
Sophocles got his start there.
Aristophanes.
All the big names.
You know those statues at the entrance? Mine.
Thank you, Medusa.
And know that you have earned off your sentence.
Freedom in 4010.
Ring-a-ding-ding! Uh.
There's a small service charge.
When you see Circe, tell her I want my curling iron back.
Come on, guys.
Help me out here.
Newcomer, silver bracelets, kind of stuck-up.
Hey! Get back here! Gotcha! That's it.
Soo-eee.
Here, piggy, piggy, piggy.
Have to admit, Medusa does good work.
Too good.
Thank you, thank you.
You've all been so kind to me tonight.
You know, my cousins, the Sirens, never thought I could sing.
Really.
They thought they were all that with their charm-the-sailors routine.
But I'm showing them, aren't I? Heh.
Oh, thank you.
I love you all! Are there any requests? Sege bukita atrice.
I'm not sure I know that one.
Insolent trickster.
You dare to strike--? Ow! You dare to strike--? Ow! You dare to strike--? Quit it! Oh, no.
Well? Defend your mistress.
Here, piggy, piggy.
Soo-eee.
Say good night, pork chop.
Wow.
Loose meat.
That'll do, pig.
Good job, boys.
Side of bacon coming up.
Abate mot jake.
You're both beginning to remind me of Sisyphus after a hard day pushing his boulder up a mountain.
But me, I could keep this up all night.
Wait.
It seems that magic always has a price.
And your point is? What would I have to give to make you lift your spell on Diana? Well, now you're getting interesting.
I want something from you that's very precious.
Something you've worked very hard to conceal.
Something, when gone, you can never regain.
Something so shattering Am I blue? Am I blue? Ain't these tears In my eyes tellin' you? Am I blue? You'd be too If each plan That you had done fell through There was a time I was Your only one But now I'm the sad And lonely one Beautiful.
And you'll keep your part of the bargain? A deal's a deal.
He can stop now.
Not on your life.
I should say Circe.
Remember when Penguin tried to kidnap that singer? Ricky what's-his-name? So? I spent a month on stakeout.
Must've heard that song a hundred times.
Is there anything you can't do? There's one thing I've never been very good at.
Saying "thank you.
" And, truthfully, it's all still pretty much of a blur to me.
Did I miss anything? Not really.
The important thing is you're safe.
Yeah.
Of course, that's not the only important thing.