Krapopolis (2023) s01e02 Episode Script

The Stuperbowl

[grunts, screams]
[breathing heavily]
The city of Corinth
has received their invitation
to the First Ever
Worldwide Inter-City Games
and says
[inhales deeply]
That's great news!
Is he dead?
That's obviously bad news
and his life shouldn't
be trivialized,
but put him in the "yes" pile!
So we've got how many cities
- Four.
- Amazing!
The Games are happening!
You don't have to take out
the people, son.
We have people for that.
- I'm taking it to my lab.
I've been getting into
dead bodies lately.
Where is it scientific to
study dead people, Egypt?
Oh, they get up to stuff
down there.
You love killing people!
Yeah, and then I leave 'em
alone like a normal person.
I'll do what I want
and nobody can stop me!
Can I get a servant to help me
not be stopped?
[upbeat music]

It is exciting that
our city will be hosting
all these other cities.
I know a recipe for an orgy
when I hear one.
You hear recipes for orgies
every day.
- It's a pretty simple recipe.
- Prove it.
Can you guys not be gross
while I'm eating?
I gotta build my strength
so I can rip out some spines
in these Games.
These aren't those kind of
Games, Stupendous.
Everyone's spine is staying
right inside their backs.
Then what are we gonna count
to know who won?
The whole point of this event
is to show that
cities can coexist peacefully.
- OK, I'm out.
do as your brother says.
These Games are a great idea.
Wow, Mum.
Your support is confusing.
They've truly earned
the name "The Deliria Games."
And some kind of banner.
Just riffing here.
No longer confusing.
I suppose if they're named
after me,
I'll have to make an appearance
at the closing ceremonies.
Can't do that without a song.
Songs need choreography.
I guess me descending
from the heavens
on a giant golden swing?
My hands are tied.
Mum, do you have to take over
everything I do?
No, I can take over
a lot of things.
The weather for instance.
Hope there's not a tornado
coming of scorpions.
"Deliria Games" it is.
I'll enslave some dancers!
There he is!
Welcome to the Games, neighbor!
I came to keep you from
getting killed.
Do you know who you've invited
to your city?
Zika the Brutal?
Papatonis the Destroyer?
These titles never mean
what they sound like.
Maybe Zika is brutally honest.
Maybe Papatonis destroyed poverty.
Petra, the Biter-Off-er
of Penises?
That could be
her married name?
Anyway, don't forget something:
you and I were enemies,
then I invited you in,
and now we're friends.
Fair point.
As a friend,
can I ask you a favor?
- Anything.
Pretend you don't know me
when the other guys get here.
If they all attack at once,
I don't want to get
my ass kicked.
Hey! Look who's here!
Did you see how poorly defended
this nerd's walls are?
I'm Tyrannis, the host.
I'm Papatonis.
Let's shake hands.
Guess I'm fixing
my hair instead.
I invented that.
- Don't let him bully you.
I'm Zika. Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
- I'm kidding.
Why would it be nice
to meet anyone?
The world is merciless, stupid.
- I agree.
But I believe we can
change that together. Drinks?
Nice try.
[whip cracks]
We know how poison works.
Crack that whip
next to my son again
and I'll turn your face
inside out,
which would be an improvement.
Uh, you live
with your mother?
She lives with me.
Listen, I've set up a very nice
luxury skybox in the arena,
where we can all watch
the Games together.
In the meantime,
make yourselves at home.
Uh, we've never met.
I'm Asskill.
[all laugh]
I'm so sorry.
Mum, please don't make me
look like a kid
in front of the other kings.
I'm about to pitch them
my big thing.
You know, my thing?
The world's first empire?
A centralized network of
multiple cities
and a mutually beneficial
Can't you just do
some push-ups?
You never get me!
Just don't get assassinated
before my closing number.
All right, failures!
Let's actually try this time.
A-five, six, seven, eight!
No, stop, stop.
How can you be this bad?
Shouldn't someone tell us
what the moves are?
Oh, is that? All right.
Full disclosure,
first time choreographing.
Right, here's what I want.
Five, six, seven, eight.
[magical chime]
Come on, like you want it.
Like you're controlling
your own bodies.
Isn't it nice to take a break
from your dark,
corpse-filled lab
and get outside, see the sun,
have fun with the people?
I have plenty of fun
with the people.
I mean the living people.
Son, as monsters,
we have to be careful
about our messaging.
Bad monsters kill people,
good monsters have sex
with people.
Trust me,
that's where the action is.
Dad, my outer membrane
is reproductive jelly.
I'm technically having sex
all the time.
And just because
I'm not like you
doesn't mean I'm a bad monster.
Someone's been murdered!
[citizens gasp]
Ooh, a freshie!
That's super rare.
Let's go!
[crowd gasping]
Dear god, who does this?
It's barbaric.
They didn't even eat
a single piece.
Of course they didn't.
They were having too much fun.
That's why they didn't stop.
I need to get this body
back to my lab.
Son, no.
The humans are watching.
Yeah, they're watching me
invent forensic science.
To catch this killer,
I need to get inside his head,
by running my fingers through
his victim's guts.
Support me!
- All right.
My son and I are
taking this body.
But we're good monsters.
Our motivations are
quite sexual.
Nice save, Dad.
[crowd cheering]
So you see,
we trade olives for leather,
leather for spices,
spices for cattle,
use the cattle for milk,
which we then trade for,
wait for it, olives!
And Krapopolis will be the city
that started it all.
Seems complicated, but,
hey, I'm just the guy you pay
to reassure you.
And you're doing
a bang up job.
Too bad you're not the guy
I pay to get sarcasm, huh?
People from all over
have gathered to watch
whatever this is going to be.
Maybe it's because our lives
only consist of work,
suffering and death,
but I for one
am excited to be here!
Are you guys gonna talk
like that the whole time?
Not sure what you mean.
It's just how we talk.
Here come the athletes!
[crowd cheering]
Players from each city
are now holding rocks.
[players grunt]
Players, stack!
Peace. Peace. Peace.
[hesitant applause]
What kind of idiot thinks
stacking a bunch of rocks
counts as a game?
- My idiot brother, that's who.
Sounds like a real idiot.
Except you don't
get to say that about him.
Only I do.
Stack your rock,
little muscle man.
I'll "stack a rock" you!
[crowd cheers]
- Some kind of rock check.
- Getting interesting.
[crowd cheering loudly]
Hey, check it out.
I didn't know these Games
would involve violence.
- [screams]
Official Deliria Games Wine!
[magical chime]
Collectible goblets!
Enjoying your own Games?
I am but
a humble wine vendor.
Relax, Deliria. No shame.
I once caught Athena
pretending to be the bull
at her own sacrifice.
- Ha! Loser.
Popping in to tell you
that your event
has drawn some impressives.
Over my shoulder,
peregrine falcon, don't look,
falcon perched on the--
don't look!
That's Aphrodite, baby.
- You're kidding.
I thought that was
a weirdly hot falcon.
And, front row,
you can look
because he loves it,
Poseidon's nephew, Broseidon.
Ay, let's see some cool crap!
Famous for being famous.
Nobody likes him but he goes
where the heat is, so
So the heat is here!
That's tremendous.
Here's hoping you can keep it
on your side.
Super speed!
It's as if this event has
gone from a peaceful,
somewhat anticlimactic
stacking of rocks
to some kind of battle over
collecting rocks!
[crowd cheering]
It doesn't really seem like
your royal friends--
They'll be here.
They're probably
just entranced by
the peaceful majesty
of my Games.
I don't think the Games are
very peaceful anymore.
- What?
- Yeah.
Your sister kind of invented
more of a competitive
violence-driven thing.
It's kind of a hit.
Well, not kind of.
It's actually mostly hitting.
[players shouting]
She's undermining
world peace.
And she must die!
Krapopolis has possession!
[crowd cheering]
Yeah! She came out of me!
Oh, good, Mum.
I need you to stop Stupendous.
Stop her?
The Games are a hit, dear.
Look at that.
- [screeches]
I don't know
what the hell that is.
Isn't it obvious? Everyone
loves watching your sister
beat other people's brains out
and it's all thanks to me
in a roundabout sort of way.
That was never the point
of this.
And what was the point again?
To get the other kings to
listen to
my inter-city peace whatever,
so I'm putting a stop to this.
Where did you inherit
your love of failure from?
- Help me or get out of my way.
- I'll help.
It's the kind of help
where you thank me later.
How much more can you learn
from this?
I'm inventing something new.
This is called profiling.
We're looking for
a smart but weak man,
a skilled craftsman,
lonely, frustrated,
works indoors,
socially awkward,
just wants to be loved
But they won't admit it.
They're saying with these
murders, "screw you, everybody.
"You think you're so great
"because you make out with
each other
"and laugh together
and mock me behind my back?
"But guess what, man?
Guess what?
"You won't be so sexy
if I fix you,
if I make you look like
I feel!"
Anyway, um
[clears throat]
That's who we're looking for.
What do you think?
I think this killer sounds
like a nice boy
who's just misunderstood.
- Well, I think he's garbage.
- Don't say that.
- We need to catch him!
Maybe he needs to be
caught in a hug.
What is wrong with you?
I think I know where the killer
will strike next!
That's good.
That's the first step to stopping.
- Yeah, I know.
- I know you know.
I think I'm gonna do
this part alone.
You can feel the energy
in Krapopolis
as the Deliria Games enters
whatever comes after
the beginning.
Measurements of time are
not really a thing yet.
And we're giving you
the play by play,
made possible by
Yanni's sound cones,
cones of wood
that make you loud!
You've got to be kidding me.
[players grunting]
Smart defense.
You gotta spend rocks
to gain rocks
and this is a game of rocks.
Stupendous is going for
the point!
Rock, Krapopolis!
[crowd cheering]
You gotta think
King Tyrannis is awful proud
of his big sister right now.
Hey, are you
Stupendous' brother?
No, she's my sister.
My sister!
- Hi, son. I bought snacks.
- What do you want, Dad?
To see how things were
progressing with your "case."
- Why did you say it like that?
- No reason.
So based on your understanding
of the killer,
you feel this might be a place
they might--
I don't think
he'd kill anyone here
but I do think he'll be
revealing himself very soon.
That's good, son.
Take your time.
Actually, don't take your time.
You're safe here.
You can just say it.
I wanted it to be a surprise.
I don't think at this point
it will be.
Oh, really?
So you know who it is?
- Yes, I do.
- Tell me.
I think it's important
you say it.
Say it on three.
One, two
the blacksmith.
- My beautiful son!
Wait, what?
Why would Tyrannis kill people?
He's already king.
- My other son.
Stupendous is a guy?
Me? Dad, what the hell?
It's the blacksmith, you knob!
Son, you don't have to be ashamed.
I support you.
- As a murderer?
As whatever you are.
Then you can support me as
a scholar of anatomy
on the trail of a killer!
Well, no,
because that's crazy.
Just admit you're a horrific
ghoul man from the deep
and let's get
the hell out of town.
- You are the worst father.
- And you are a great murderer.
I love you! Don't get caught!
[players grunting]
[crowd cheering]
[chanting] Stupendous!
Stupendous! Stupendous!
Excuse me, coming through.
Sorry, but we're about to do
a thing where
we all take turns standing up
in kind of a wave.
It's gonna really give meaning
to being a crowd at an event.
Do you know who I am?
I don't care if
you're the king of Krapopolis!
I am the king of Krapopolis!
What an excellent way for me
to illustrate my point.
Put it down, please.
Thank you.
Put the rock down.
for once in your life,
stop sabotaging me!
- I never sabotaged--
- You're doing it now!
Put it down.
Hi. Thank you, everybody.
I'm Tyrannis.
These are my Games.
But there's been
some confusion.
They've gotten a little violent
and a little too competitive.
But here's the good news.
Before that happened, we've
proved something important:
that we can all get together
in peace and have fun.
So what I'd like to do is
invite my fellow kings up to
the luxury skybox and have an
exciting talk about the future
while these folks go back to
playing nicely.
What do you think?
[crowd roaring]
- Whoopsie.
[citizens shouting]
It's not a secret
riot shelter.
Nobody's ever said that about
a place that wasn't
a secret riot shelter.
It's a royal reading nook.
There's no written language
so there are no books.
I'm waiting for them.
That's why the shelves are
filled with food, supplies,
and one dose of fatal poison.
you're all grown up now.
You can't just hide under
your blanky-wanky.
Why are you pretending we had
cute names for me or blankets?
I don't even think I had
a blanket.
Because I raised you
to be strong.
You barely raised me.
Right, you're talking in
circles, booby-nooby.
Your city is being invaded and
you're sitting here sulking.
I'm not sulking!
Maybe they deserve to be invaded.
You don't mean that.
Krapopolis needs you.
Mumma's ass-kicking
closing number needs you.
this is all about you.
- Oh, like it's not about you.
- Huh, yeah.
I mean, I've been
convincing myself that
I put on these Games for
a noble purpose
but the truth is, I only wanted
to prove that my way is right
and I wanted it so badly
I risked everything
just to keep my sister from
getting the glory.
I'm no better than you!
Oh, please. You're barely
scratching the surface.
Thank you, Mother.
Thank you for your shining,
terrible example.
Now take me to Stupendous.
You know you're very lucky
I'm doing a lot of
magic hour dependent light work
in my number.
Hop onto Mumma's shoulders.
And if anyone sees us,
I'm an ordinary ostrich.
You're gonna want thumbs
for this.
I'm so happy
you invited me in.
These are amazing.
What do you call them again?
It's a little outside the box
but as a blacksmith,
it's my job to think different.
My son is the same way.
I just wish he was
more sociable, like you.
Do you have kids?
- No, I'm pretty isolated.
I only talk to people
when I've got work to do.
Other hoof.
- The similarities continue.
Yes, you both work alone,
you're both skilled craftsmen.
Distinctive nails you use.
I feel I've seen them
around town.
Yes, they hold up
quite a bit of weight.
But I guess
you already know that.
You're the killer!
That's wonderful.
It's not supposed to be.
No, you don't understand.
See, I thought it was my son.
- [grunting]
- Oh! OK, ouch!
But still, such a relief.
- [laughs]
Blacksmith! I've caught you.
Hippo, I'm slain.
But guess who by? Not you.
I'm so proud that you're only
into corpses
other people killed.
Hold on. I've studied enough
to know that
if I push down on
this squirty thing
- [cries out]
- That's good.
If you were dying,
that wouldn't hurt.
So you really were learning
and are not just
a creepy death perv.
It can be both things.
I love you, son.
After I'm gone,
I want you to go ahead
and dig around inside of me.
Just go nuts in there.
You're not going anywhere!
But if you do,
thank you, I will do that.
That's very exciting.
[screams, grunts]
Mummy's on a schedule!
So what's the strong person
equivalent of "I'm sorry"?
Do I jab a sharp stick in
my eye or are words enough?
For the apology you owe me,
that stick will need to get
shoved way further south.
I get it. I'm always acting
like I'm evolved and
you're a regressive barbarian,
which you are,
and I keep trying to
convince myself that
I can force people into
a future I want,
one where I get to feel safe.
But the truth is,
this is your world,
and you deserve to be celebrated.
Can't really argue with that.
But in a million years,
weak sissies like you will
probably be running things.
That's why I came to
help you build this city.
Great. We both agree that
in a million years, I win.
So now can we go finish
the Games and save the city?
Oh, OK.
But if we pass a sharp stick,
you still owe me an apology.
Mum, can you help us get
everyone back in the stands?
Finally. It's about time.
You can only rehearse so much.
I think one of my backup
dancers is about to give birth.
Hail, bitches!
It's hailing everywhere but
over the amphitheater!
What an oddly specific
weather pattern!
OK, glad to see everyone is
safe and sound.
A hailstone killed my kid!
but most kids die.
That's why we have a lot.
[crowd booing]
Right now all that matters is
the rock ball game is back on!
Perhaps I wasn't clear that
stopping the Games was
just a diversion,
not the whiny baby tantrum
it seemed like.
In the future,
we will call it a halftime.
Now, go kick some ass.
- [chuckles]
[crowd cheering]
- Room for one more?
- [groans]
Are you gonna ruin this
by talking?
The only thing
I'll be talking is trash
because my sister is going to
wipe the floor with your guys.
[players grunting]
[crowd cheering]
With time winding down,
this could be the last play.
It would take a miracle for
Stupendous to pull this off.
But we do live in
an era of gods
and often irrational magic,
so literally anything
is possible.
Come on, Stupe,
you can do it!
Krapopolis wins!
[crowd cheering loudly]
That's my sister!
- All right!
- Ah, yeah!
Well, these games were a lot
more fun than I had expected.
And at this point,
I'm probably drunk enough
to listen to whatever boring
stuff you might want to say.
Wow. OK, this is fantastic.
You're gonna love
my presentation.
Just need to get my model.
One sec.
You all stay right here!
[all groaning and choking]
Wait, before you die,
would you have been amenable
to a long-term
multi-city alliance?
- [groans]
You would not believe
the line at the kebab stand.
What did I miss?
Tyrannis, you'll never guess
who the killer is.
- The blacksmith?
- How did you--oh.
The good news is that
I've learned enough about
human anatomy to make this
all look like an accident.
Closing number time!
Remember the new combination.
"Kick ball change, pop.
Booty, booty, booty, booty."
Hello, Krapopolis!
And what are you--you are not
having that baby now!
[baby crying]
Suck it back in!
I'm proud of you, Stupendous.
For being amazing?
Kind of comes natural.
Well, yes, for that.
But also because you did
the one thing I never could,
made these games about
something other than Mum.
Oh, for the love of--
just dance around--
dance around it!
Better than that!
Sup? Sup? How you doing?
- Broseidon!
- Oh, what's up?
- Who is that?
- Broseidon.
- Am I supposed to care?
- I don't know.
He's just one of those guys,
famous for being famous.
There's no "there" there.
- Hey, who said that?
Ay, who's talking smack?
Who's judging me?
You don't know me.
- Who're you talking to?
- Who are you talking to?
- Why are you upset?
- Why are you upset?
You wanna dance with Broseidon?
I don't understand
what's going on.
That's right, you don't.
None of you do. Come on.
Man, Broseidon's a dick.
Ay, who said that?
You people don't know me!
I'm sorry I'm popular!
Doesn't mean
I'm here for your abuse!
I'm a human being.
I'm Poseidon's nephew
but I'm human!
I have a story,
I have feelings!
I had a messed up childhood!
- Ah, boo-hoo!
Nobody knows my pain!
And nobody would know
Broseidon's pain.
And his pain continued forever.
And that is why
we have four seasons.
Did you get any of that?
[dramatic whoosh]
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