Krapopolis (2023) s01e04 Episode Script


- Each year at this time,
we remember prometheus,
The only god I truly admire.
- Isn't your mom a god?
- Yep.
Prometheus, as everyone knows,
gave fire to humans
In total defiance
of mount olympus.
How cool is that?
- Pretty cool.
- This isn't
an interactive event.
You want to take it, hippo?
- Thanks, bro.
In keeping with the themes of
inspiration and technology
That prometheus represents
to me,
I'm going to light
this year's promethean flame
Using as much technology
as possible.
[flame whooshes]
[machinery clacking]
You get the idea.
[flames whoosh]
[crowd cheers]
- Behold! Your--
Ooh, whoops-a-doodle.
There you are!
Oh, what a wonderful surprise.
I don't know what to say.
- Mother, this isn't for you.
We're honoring prometheus.
- In that case,
I do know what to say.
Suck it!
- Ok, mum, sleep it off.
- No, no. Hey, let's--
It's a celebration of
I can celebrate prometheus.
[stone cracking, thuds]
[crowd screaming]
[flames whooshing]
- Ah, fire!
- My livestock is on fire!
- Hey, somebody
call prometheus.
See if he'll take that stuff
back, am I right?
[crowd screaming]
[cattle mooing]
Too soon?
[upbeat mystical music]

- Don't remember
a lot of last night.
- Must be nice.
- Ugh,
you're still boohooing
About me supposedly ruining
Your un-ruinable circle jerk
to prometheus.
- Eh, turned out
pretty ruinable.
- "ooh, prometheus,
you're so awesome.
Thanks for stealing fire."
I steal stuff all the time.
I took all the water.
Where's my holiday?
You know what happened to
Immediately after
that fire stunt, don't you?
Zeus chained him to a rock
And made an eagle
eat his liver forever.
- Course we know that.
That's the best part.
- You're trying to make us
be less into prometheus
And your big point is that
he suffered for us?
- My big point is that
there's going to be an eagle
Eating his liver
for all eternity
And his reward is you lighting
a candle once a year,
Is my big point.
- Yeah, yeah. No, that follows.
- Guess what today is?
- Everyone guesses
what every day is.
We have no calendar.
- It's the day mom promised
she'd tell me
Where my birth father is
so I can go beat him up!
- Whoa, that doesn't
sound like me.
Why would I promise to
do anything for anyone
Without any leverage?
- Remember I asked
where my real dad was
Because I wanted to
go beat him up,
And you said,
"I'm not telling you,"
And I said, "why?"
And you said,
"because you're three."
And I said,
"so when will you tell me?"
And you said,
"the day you could swallow
An entire baby pig"?
Welp, I've been practicing
and that day has come!
- No, no, no, no!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
[piglet squealing]
we'll take your word for it.
And we really need a calendar.
- Sweetie, I was clearly just
blowing you off at the time.
I don't know or care
where your father is.
- He's a cyclops, right?
Wouldn't he just be on
that island
Where all the cyclops live?
- There's a cyclops island?
Who's taking me there?
- That would be the flying
monster that ran his mouth.
- Oh, I don't think
I should get involved
In your daughter's--
- and yet you did.
Have fun. Bye, now.
Flap, flap, fun, fun.
No, don't finish your food.
Leave hungry.
Learn your lesson.
- Which is?
- Stay out of it.
- Got it.
- [giggling]
- If you need me,
I'll be finishing my nectar
In the clouds
because I'm amazing.
Amazing animal exit!
Ugh, I'm hungover and
I have nothing to prove.
Half ostrich exit.
- I say, nothing like fresh
ocean air on the nethers.
Can I ask why you want to
beat up your father?
Do you feel abandoned?
- What? No.
Stay out of it!
I don't know why.
It's just a feeling I have,
Like there's some guy
that made me
And I need to let him know
That doesn't make him better
than me by punching him.
- Sounds to me like your cyclop
instincts coming through.
I have to warn you, they have
a very aggressive culture.
- Hey, is that cyclopia there,
The island is shaped like
one eye?
- That is it, but all islands
are basically shaped like--
- What are you doing?
Don't fly me all the way there.
It's embarrassing!
Drop me off further away.
[heavy thud]
[indistinct chatter]
- Which one of you ass-hats
knocked up my mom?
- Who wants to know?
- Who's asking?
- You and what army?
- My ass and your face!
- Hey, you better watch
yourself, two-eyes!
- I'm not a two-eyes.
[all gasp]
- Hey, that's donny's eye.
- You're right!
That's donny's frickin' eye.
Donny! This your kid?
- Ah, crap. Probably.
Why are you being a jagoff?
- Maybe 'cause I'm half jagoff.
[laughter and chatter]
- So what, you come here to
cry about your feelings
And blame me for your life?
- I came to knock your teeth
down your throat!
[laughter and chatter]
- I like that.
- You do?
- Yeah, I get it.
Guy knocks up your mom.
It's like, what, does this guy
think he's better than me?
We all beat up our dads
around here.
[all agreeing]
- hey, you want a beer?
We drink it out of barrels
instead of cups.
- Maybe.
But I did come here to fight.
- Yeah, what do you think beer
is for, to make people happy?
[crowd laughing and cheering]
- [gulping]
- What if I told you
I wanted to free prometheus?
- I'd say go outside.
And if that's your new phrase
for it,
I don't think it beats
"release the kraken."
- I'm serious.
We have a hero that we know is
Chained to a rock somewhere
with an eagle eating his liver
And we're just letting
that happen? Why?
- We don't want to piss off
And we aren't motivated by
the dream of
Proving your mother wrong?
- Come on,
you're the scientist.
If prometheus is
chained to a rock,
It's not with normal chains.
- Ok?
- So you could maybe
come up with
A way to detect that metal
And we could find prometheus
and set him free.
- And really stick it
to your mom.
- You're obsessed with my mum.
- If that makes you feel
Ok, I think you're describing
a magnet.
- What's a magnet?
- A way to stick it to
your mom.
- Then I love it.
And by me, I mean you.
You must love magnets.
I just love freeing prometheus.
Let's do this!
Brains and heart.
- Is this--
Are we coming up with
a special--
- It's our brother handshake.
Yeah, just with the--and then--
Ugh, we'll finesse it later.
- We should be close now.
- That thing is
actually working?
- [sighs] ok, no,
it's not doing anything.
It's stupid. I was stupid!
I don't know what
I was thinking.
- Hey, you're being kind of
hard on yourself.
- No, shut up. Look at me.
My body is disgusting
And I try to compensate
with intelligence
But I'm not even
really that smart.
I just--
holy crap! I'm a genius.
Go that way and
never underestimate me.
I was testing your faith
in science and you failed.
- God, oh, god, not again!
Oh, god, it hurts every time.
Ok, now it's healing.
That's a little better.
[eagle screeches]
oh, god, not again!
- You think that's our guy?
- [whispers] prometheus!
- Huh?
Hey, you don't want
any part of this.
There's an eagle here
that eats--
Oh, god, livers!
Oh, it hurts every time!
- Prometheus, I'm tyrannis,
king of krapopolis.
This is my brother,
- Big fan.
- Oh, hi, guys.
I'd say nice to meet you
But there's an eagle
eating my liver.
- If we were to free you,
would you be willing to
Tell my mother
she's full of crap?
- Gee, let me think about it.
[eagle screeches]
oh, god, not the liver again!
Oh, so specific!
Such a specific pain.
- Let me get a look at
these chains.
- It's not something
you think about
As a sensitive area, you know?
- The liver, you mean?
- Yes, the liver. It hurts.
When you're a kid and
you go out to play,
Your mother never says,
"cover your liver,"
But wow, I've spent centuries
begging this eagle to try
A testicle, an eyeball.
Anything would be a vacation.
How are you doing on
those chains, little man?
We close?
- Gods, obsessed with
Lazy with mechanics.
[eagle screeches]
- Did you like it?
Was my liver delicious?
- Are you going to kill
the eagle?
- Why would I do that?
[neck snaps]
Oh, yeah, because it ate
my liver forever.
That's why.
- No problem.
- You earned it!
- Thank you for freeing me,
hippocampus and tyrannis.
- Ah!
- Stop stinging yourself.
Why you stinging yourself?
- I've answered your question
several times.
I'm not stinging myself.
- Beat it, guys.
[all grumble]
- ok, whatever.
- How's it going?
- It's not a place
I'd choose to be.
- Why are you even still here?
- Well, I can't tell your
mother I just left you here.
- Why not?
You're not my dad.
And I don't have to
explain myself to you.
You'd never get it.
You're a two-eyes.
- Hey, moron, you coming?
- [grunts] you're not
the boss of me, jagoff!
We're going to the beach
to throw rocks at
The island of the giants.
- Does he not know that
that's impossible?
Oh, they don't have
depth perception.
- Ugh, bye!
- [grunts]
Ah, I've never been able
to hit those jagoffs
But I like trying.
Giants are just
extra-eyed cyclops!
- [grunts]
[loud impact]
- holy crap.
I think you hit a giant!
It might have been a baby,
but still, a giant baby.
- I did! I did it!
- Ah, so, look.
You know, it's been fun, but--
- But it gets funner?
- Don't make this hard
on yourself.
You're huge
and you're a badass,
But deep down, you're like,
"I want my daddy!"
That's not the cyclops way.
We're not, like,
masking intimacy with violence.
We're truly violent.
- Gee, I'm not sure
I can understand!
- [grunts]
- how's that?
- [laughs, spits]
You know, it's better than
trying to hug me,
But I can still tell
you want to hug me.
- How about I hug your skull
with a rock?
- I guess I'd die
being proven wrong.
But if I'm right,
you could never kill me.
I mean, look, you got one eye,
but you're kind of a giant.
- [grunts]
- see? That alone right there,
That should've got me killed.
Good luck out there, ya mook.
- I bet the last time
you were free,
Mortals still lived in caves.
- And now you make your own
tiny personal caves.
Not how I would've done it.
But, uh, ooh,
what are those round things?
- Wheels.
- Cute.
Ooh, hey, look at this.
Ah? Huh?
You're welcome.
Uh, turned out pretty useful.
- We use it every day.
So, uh, as discussed,
My mum kind of tried to
high road us about
Being supportive fans
of yours, and--
- Oh, yeah, of course.
Let's blow a bitch's mind.
Where's she at?
- Ok, loosen up.
Don't overthink it.
Random animal!
Oh, that's rubbish.
That's not random.
It's an ostrich.
You're trying too hard.
Random animal,
for real this time.
Don't think, just go.
Ugh, damn it.
- Deliria?
You haven't changed.
- I'm immortal.
- So am I.
[romantic music]
[both moaning]

- How's it going in here?
- Pretty well.
- [moans]
- Should we leave and
come back louder?
- Ok, ok. I'm married now.
- Your husband would
- Oh, he'd more than
He'd want to watch
and then it's a whole thing.
How are you free?
- We freed him.
How do you two know each other?
- Well, we walked in
on that answer.
I mean, they clearly
at one point banged.
- Your mother was my hero.
- Stop.
- It was her idea
to steal fire!
Both: Stop!
- Whatever.
All the gods had that idea.
The idea was to piss zeus off.
What happens when
he tries to find you?
- I don't know. Maybe I'll have
to find him first.
- So cool.
- Badass!
- Hippocampus, I'd like to see
your workshop.
- Holy!
Uh, yeah, it's right this way.
It's a little messy right now
'cause I've been
working with bronze,
Which you'll probably think
is dumb,
But I think
it's the fire of metals.
- Why would you keep this
a secret?
You brag about breathing.
- I don't have to breathe.
- See?
You wanted me to admire
my hero less.
Telling me you nailed him is
exactly your kind of move,
And by the way,
would've worked.
So why is this your first
experiment with modesty?
Did you love him?
- A lot of gods loved him.
We loved him because
he antagonized zeus,
And that was always fun.
Until it wasn't.
- Until he got punished
and you all fell in line.
- You're out of line.
You'll regret freeing him.
He's dangerous.
- You never mentioned it
because you're ashamed.
- Ugh, if I admit that,
will you get him to go away?
- I'm your son, mum.
But first,
you have to admit it.
- I'm ashamed
I turned my back on him.
- You should be.
Gotcha! Ha!
You tried to make me feel bad
but I proved I was good!
And now, you have to admit
you're bad
Because I'm better than you.
[in low voice]
and you admitted it.
[normally] I said,
I'm better than you. Ha!
- Leave my temple!
- Gladly. Dancing out.
Dance of pride,
temple of shame.
Too proud to stay here.
I might melt or explode.
My mother has shame!
Someone draw this on a vase!
- [coughing]
What happened?
- Were you trying to
walk across
The bottom of the ocean?
- I was ready to go home and
I don't know how to swim.
- I think that's called
- Call it what you want.
It got me home.
- No, it didn't.
We're still on cyclopia.
If you needed a ride home, I--
- I don't need anything!
But since you're still
You might as well
give me a ride.
- You wanna tell me
what happened?
Did you get your feelings hurt?
- If you ever
ask me that again,
I'm gonna pull out
your intestines
And wrap 'em around your throat
until your eyes pop out.
And then I'm gonna put
your eyes up your butt,
And there's gonna be
plenty of room--
- Because I won't have
And because eyeballs
are small, yeah.
You rest here.
I'm gonna get you some water.
From a lake.
- [gulping]
Who the hell are you?
- I'm your ex-lover's
current lover
And your daughter'sRide.
- If you're here
to give me
The "you should love
your kids" lecture,
I've heard it.
- So have I.
We're both monsters.
We spread our seed
far and wide.
Monsters are going extinct
So we need to get that stuff
I couldn't tell you
half my children's names,
But that daughter of yours
gives so much
And needs so little.
The dream of one punch
Got her through
20 years of baby pigs.
- I don't know what that means,
But like I told her,
cyclops don't do this.
- But she's not a cyclops
because it turns out
Your wiener can try
all kinds of new things.
Maybe your heart could follow.
- Maybe you should make
my heart follow my wiener.
- Look, I'm not good at
this fighting business.
- Oh, what a surprise.
Guess you'll just have to
stand there and get your ass
- [grunts]
- [choking] kicked.
- I tried to tell you,
I'm really bad at this.
Are you alive?
Just get rid of this.
Uh, yeah, ok, that's--
I was told to stay out of this.
This is on me.
[blade sharpening]
[magical shearing]
- So cool!
- It needs to be sharper.
- That's sharper than
anyone else could ever--
- Hey, hippocampus, look at me.
You know whose job it is
to be like anyone else?
Everyone else.
I need you to be better.
- Got it.
- I thought you'd be in
the workshop.
- Prometheus had me melt
his chains down
So we could forge things with
their supernatural metal.
- What kind of things?
- Uh, just a blade that can
cut a god's throat.
- Oh, hey!
I shouldn't hold that
as a politician.
- Are you still here?
- Yep, right.
[quietly] he's nuts.
- [quietly] oh, good.
- Have fun!
- There's no politics
to revolution.
You're a warrior now.
we lay siege to olympus.
- That doesn't sound like me.
Never been a siege-layer.
My big move is sarcasm.
Like, if I really hate someone
and they do something stupid,
I'll say, "good one,"
but they know I don't mean it.
- I gave you people fire
To get things done,
to set things right!
I come back and you've invented
something called pie?
- Those are the words of a man
that has never tried pie.
- Put him down.
- And what if I don't?
Don't tell me you'll actually
Fight for something
you care about.
- I don't care about him.
Look at his hair!
I'm just saying the mortals
can't help you fight zeus.
Mortals die.
They're famous for it.
It's right there in the name.
- What god would
I ever trust again?
- Me.
- Really?
Ok! Good to hear.
We leave at dawn.
- What are we gonna do
about this guy?
- I'll do as he says.
I owe him that much.
- You'll end up on
a rock with him!
And you can't possibly have
any liver to spare.
- If he fails, which he will,
that's what he does,
Zeus is going to know
Who freed, sheltered,
and armed him,
And your entire city
will be a hole
The shape of
a giant zeus penis.
- So you're doing this
to protect me?
- How's that feel?
- Bad.
- Good. You deserve it.
[slurps, sighs]
- [as donny]
hey, stupendous!
I heard you're leaving
And I wanted to say I'm sorry
And I love you very much.
- Shlub, did you kill my dad?
- UhYes.
- Thank you.
You didn't have to do that.
- It really wasn't my goal.
I just wanted him to stop--
Look, you came a long way.
I didn't want your trip
to be a waste.
- It wasn't. I found a dad.
- Yeah?
Oh! Aw, that's sweet.
We should get going.
Now I come to think about it,
I killed a lot of these chaps.
- [grunting]
- Practicing for
your big mission?
- What do you care?
Can't believe I got chained
to a rock for you people.
- I can't believe
I unchained you
Just to feel superior to
my mother.
- You sure blew that one.
- Yeah, turns out she'll go
Way further than me
to feel superior.
- You really can't fathom
The idea of genuine sacrifice,
can you?
- Can you?
- Excuse me?
- I mean, sacrifice is when
you don't care about yourself.
And I haven't
known you too long,
But wow, it's just
all about you,
Which I think is actually
what made you my hero.
- What is this?
- Recognize it?
I'm pretty sure
it's sharp enough now
But I'd love a reason
to test it.
- I'm calling it insurance,
Something I'll be giving to
With no strings attached.
- You're gonna kill me to
prove yourself to your mommy?
- It's more like I'd rather die
than owe her my life,
Since I'd never hear
the end of it.
- You're all so selfish!
And the mortals are no better
than the gods.
- Kind of makes you want to
stop helping,
Live free for yourself.
It would serve us right, right?
- Let me ask you something.
That wheel thing,
Is that a human invention?
- Yeah.
- And so squirrels don't have
the wheel?
- Squirrels don't need wheels.
They wouldn't know how to--
- they wouldn't know how.
Isn't that a convenient way
of looking at it?
- Are you gonna steal the wheel
from man
And give it to squirrels?
- [chuckling] what? No.
I'd never do that.

So long, mortals.
I hope you can live with
the shame of letting me down.
- Would you like a bigger bag
for all those wheels?
- [chuckling]
are these wheels?
I don't know how those
got in my bag.
I'll bring them back later.
But first, I'd like to steal
a moment with your mother.
- Yep.
- Come with me. I'm gonna give
the wheel to squirrels.
- We've resolved this.
I never believed in
your causes.
I just liked being angry.
- But the sex was amazing.
- All sex with me is amazing.
And whether you see it or not,
this civilization thing,
It is the mortals doing
the best they can
With what you gave them.
You did do something good
for them
And it's worth protecting.
- You couldn't have planned
this speech more ironically.
There's a guy collecting
pig feces over your shoulder.
- They call it agriculture.
- Ok.
From fire to collecting poop.
You live and you learn.
One last kiss?
- We had our last one.
The next is for my husband.
- Prometheus?
- Shlub?
What are you doing here?
- I live here.
- Ah.
Any interest in helping lead
a revolution of squirrels?
- No, not really.
But if you're unchained now,
will you still want handies?
- Is that hercules?
- It's heracles.
Hi! On a quest!
[metallic creaking]
I hereby free prometheus!
Next quest!
[metallic creaking]
[chains clinking]
[wheels creaking]
[metallic creaking]
- Did you get any of that?
- Bento.
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