Less Than Kind (2008) s03e03 Episode Script

I'm Still Me

- Ah! - Ah! DANNY: Previously on Less Than Kind What are you doing out here? I'm so, so, so sorry.
Forgive you.
I'm over here.
MAN: I'm worried about Anne.
She just lost her husband.
You look good.
You're holding up well.
I'm devastated, Gabor.
I'm devastated.
Great.
I mean, I don't mean "Great.
" I mean it's good that you're devastated.
Thank you.
SHELDON: I'm sorry I missed you at the airport.
I was waiting for you when I got the call that my dad died.
Hey, Uzzie.
All right, how much? Fuck you.
What? Fuck you.
Your money's no good in this car.
Make sure you tell your mother Sam's tab is clear.
Okay.
Thanks.
You're a good kid, Sheldon.
See you in hell.
Wow, this is definitely not my grandmother's shiva.
Yeah, we don't have a DJ yet but it's trending non-traditional.
Is your mom really cool with this? She's driving it.
My mom's never lost a husband before.
I think she's trying to figure out how.
Where you been? My God, you smell like liquorice.
And a bit like puke.
Well, ding ding ding, we have a winner.
I puked sambuca.
You guys are frickin' geniuses.
Mmm! Thank you, honey.
Yeah, we're in business.
Anne, I should be going.
Oh, thank you for coming, Rabbi.
What time do we do prayers tomorrow? 10:00 A.
M.
Oh, that's so early.
How about noon? do you think that you're getting enough solace from this shiva? Oh, God, yes.
My house is just full of family and caring people.
Oh, it's been good.
Well, not to be dogmatic, but I support the idea that we should remain focussed on the memory of Mr.
Blecher.
That is so sweet.
He's totally right.
Everybody, pipe the fuck down! Rabbi wants us all to remember why we're here.
Please, raise a glass.
To Stan! To Stan! To Stan! (Laughing) It's Sam.
And up above us all Leaning into sky Our golden business boy Will watch the north end die And sing "I love this town" Then let his arching wrecking ball proclaim: "I hate Winnipeg" You were missed.
Was I? Oh yeah.
(Speaking French) Hmm, who missed you? Let me think.
Well, there's Danny.
He missed you a lot while you were gone.
I thought about him a lot too.
You did? Of course.
It's not like I went to France and forgot about my life here.
So, how was France? Who'd you hang out with? Some of the kids from the school.
Oh yeah? Were the French guys all over you? No.
But flirting is the national sport.
Okay.
I don't see any sausages.
That's 'cause you're not looking in my pants.
Josh, don't! You're like a sex junkie.
Just a quick handy, please! We did it five times already today! One more time before you go! No! What is with you? It keeps the sad away.
Oh, good lord.
Yeah.
Ah.
Ow.
Ow! Oh! Get out! You're worse than dogs! What are you doing in here? I need to talk to Danny.
Well, he's not in here.
Yes, I am.
Ah! (Groaning) The kid's a pervert.
Hey, type in your password.
Why are you on my Facebook page? I want to see Miriam's photos from France but she hasn't re-friended me yet.
That's a bad idea.
Danny, just Just do it.
I shouldn't have done that.
I feel sick.
Thanks.
Just stay! Josh, I want to be here for you but I have to work.
I have a gig in Brandon.
I'm begging you.
I can't.
But I love you.
Look, I know this is hard.
This'll pass.
You'll see.
You'll be fine.
Who's that? That's Leslie, my old babysitter.
She's a real person? I thought she was just a role play that we did.
No.
Do you see why I wanted you to play her hotter? Okay, wait, I can leave you here, right? What? Shandra, I was eight, she was 15.
She's got to be, like, 60 now.
Oh.
Don't go.
I'll be back tomorrow night before the shiva walk.
No, I need you.
Please don't go.
You can take a break for 24 hours, Josh.
You think so? You'll be fine.
Ow, ow, ow! FRENCH GUY: I think I have the space for this.
MIRIAM: No, come on.
FRENCH GUY I want to introduce all France to the most beautiful girl from Canada.
Her name is Miriam.
Okay, hang on a sec.
I want to look less like the house cleaning staff and more like your friend.
As you can see, I get much better than I deserve.
Oui, cheri, oui, oui.
I can't even remember how we started.
Do you want to tell them our first dance story? Oh yeah.
Miriam's favourite signature break dancing move.
Oh, very good.
Oh yeah.
(Speaking French) (Smashing) (Panting) Okay, we're out of red and white wine.
Oh, did you see all those people last night? The house had life.
Don't you think Sam would have loved it? Yes, he would have danced.
We need more vermouth.
Can I talk to you about something? Sure, honey.
I'm sorry.
I know there's no business during Shiva.
But I am having trouble making decisions.
Okay.
With what? Thanks.
Blumenfeld's got a car for us.
Now, I know we don't have the money.
But I've been looking into financing costs.
And the bank'll give us 5.
5.
And Sam Stop! I'm sorry.
I just I can't do this yet.
Talk to Josh.
You want me to discuss business with Josh? No.
Really, I do not want you to discuss business at all.
Okay, fine.
Sorry.
Oh, could you count the beers? Yeah, yeah.
(Mumbling) Josh! Oh! Go do that in the fucking bathroom! Fine! How come I never catch you whacking it? 'Cause I do it when I'm alone.
Ow! Fuck! There's glass all over the floor.
Right, broke a lamp.
Well, clean it up.
I'm trapped.
What is with you? You're whacking off constantly.
I'm doing it for Dad.
Shut up! Do you ever hear yourself, speak? Shut it and hurry up.
I got a bullet in the chamber.
How'd you break the lamp anyway? Did you do Miriam up here? Please don't say her name.
Oh, trouble in Fatsville? Miriam had a thing with a French guy.
What? Last night? They owe us a fucking lamp then! No, douche! While she was away in France.
Oh, shit.
Sorry, wait.
You guys weren't together then.
Yeah, I made sure of that.
Why you all drama? 'Cause it burns, okay? I got to talk this out with her.
"Talk"? You're such a fat girl.
Man up.
Thanks, bro.
Listen It's none of your business.
So, I just got to wear it? I'm afraid so.
Was I drinking out of the toilet last night? No, but you were heading that way when I left.
Gross.
Wait, what were you saying about Sheldon? Is everything good? I had the chance to tell him about Denis, but I chickened out.
Tell him? Why? Well, I need to get this out in the open, don't I? Great idea.
Yeah.
"Hey, Sheldon, I know you feel terrible about your dead father, but, umm, here's something that might cheer you up.
" So, I shouldn't tell him? Hang on.
Gum me.
Gum me.
Thanks.
(Vomiting) Nice.
What we talking about? What's the warranty? Three years, extendable to five on the powertrain.
It's got GPS.
Five down and it's yours.
Oh, come on.
Sam never gave you more than two.
It's five.
I'll give you 2.
5, right here, right now.
Maybe I'm not being clear.
I keep saying "Five" but you keep saying a different number.
It's five.
What happened to negotiating? I don't need to negotiate.
If you don't want it, I know Killigans will.
Killigans? The driving school? Yep.
They're coming to Winnipeg? And they need cars.
So, five.
Are you bluffing? Killigans is faxing buy-out offers to driving schools across the city: take-it-or-leave-it deadlines, big money.
How big is big? If you're thinking of cashing out, now'd be the time.
We don't have a minyan.
Oh.
Uzzie and Gabor are on a liquor run.
They should be back any minute.
And Clara? She knows that we need 14 people for a minyan.
10, actually.
She went to Blumenfeld's and she is talking business, which I specifically asked her not to do during shiva.
Well, I just think it's one of the many observances that we should try to honour.
A shiva is a quiet time to grieve and mourn the passing of a loved one.
Yes! That's what I'm saying! Excuse me.
You're late.
I'm sorry.
We're here.
We have a minyan! Josh, quit staring at her.
It's getting creepy.
As a kid, I would just stand right here and watch her watching television for hours.
Isn't that like stalking? She was the only one I ever dreamed about.
She was the one.
Whoa, hello, what about Shandra? I know! But there's this voice inside of me that just keeps saying, "Don't die without fucking your old babysitter.
" You know what? You need to see a professional.
Hooker? No, a therapist.
You're a s a addict.
I need her.
I feel so sad.
(Dance music playing inside) Wow, is someone playing music at the shiva? Yes.
Man, good thing the rabbi's not here.
Don't you think there should be dancing? Uhh Sam loved dancing.
(Beeping) (Gasping) Josh, Josh, you have to see this.
Oh, we have a huge decision to make as a family here.
Killigans is buying up driving schools in Winnipeg.
And they've made us an offer.
It looks good, really good.
Yeah.
This could solve all of our problems.
But selling the business That's good.
You should buy it.
Huh? Hi, Leslie.
Oh, hey.
It's TV's Josh Blair.
Hey, it's my old babysitter Leslie.
Sorry about your dad.
Thank you.
Are there any new batteries for this remote? Oh, yeah, sure.
Let me help.
So, what have you been up to? Still babysitting? Yes, yes I am.
Oh, cool.
I've seen every episode of Thunder Bay O.
P.
P.
You were in that.
Spread 'em.
(Chuckling) Thank you for fixing this.
It was nothing.
So How have you been? Hey, now that Miriam's home, we should put the band back together.
Uhh, yeah, maybe.
I don't know.
Why not? Did she say something to you? About what? About anything? Like? Can I talk to Sheldon for a second? Yes, please.
Honey, what would you think if we sold the school? Why would we do that? To pay off our debt.
I guess that would be good for Mom.
So, you think we should? Uhh, sell? No, that's a terrible idea.
Hey.
Uhh, so, what's up with you? Honestly? I love honestly.
I prefer honestly.
But I'm not married to the concept.
But it's your call.
You can tell me anything and we'd still be cool.
Let's dance.
(Cheering) This looks really nice, Mom.
Thanks, honey.
What's going on? Josh, put your suit on.
People will be here soon.
(Sighing) (Doorbell ringing) Hey, hey, hey! Whoa, it's quiet.
Who died? My husband.
You were married to Stan Blecher? Thanks for coming by.
I'm not kidding.
This place was almost a riot last night.
Danny, why would you lie about something like a party? I wasn't lying.
This place was hopping.
Oh, was it really? Uhh, can I talk to Danny? Can anyone? I know.
You know? What? About Miriam and the French guy.
I saw the video with Denis.
I will curb stomp that fuck-stein who told you.
Who was it? It was you.
You gave me your Facebook password.
Oh, shit.
Figures.
I'm such an asshole.
So, uhh, are you two cooked? And the three of us together? Is it over? No, we'll be fine.
Just I wanted you to know that I know.
It's going to be okay.
How? Miriam and I, we just we need to get this out in the open, then we can all move on.
You'll see.
Hey, guys.
You're going to be okay.
No, she's not.
She told me she was.
She's just saying that.
I want them out of here.
Hey, Leslie.
Oh, hey, Josh-y.
I found a TV that worked.
Oh.
Cool.
Do you want to come and sit with me for a bit? Yes.
Yes, I do.
Can I confess something to you? Yes.
I had the biggest crush on you.
I thought you looked like a movie star.
You're a TV star.
You could have been in this one.
I can't believe this is happening.
Oh Fuck Leslie.
Josh-y.
Oh, wow.
If you saw what I saw out there When I was eight, I used to finger my pillow and pretend it was you.
Oh yeah? Ow! Fuck! What you do that for? I haven't seen this episode.
There are five that I haven't seen, and I haven't seen this one.
Oh, it's over.
Shandra! Josh-y.
So happy to see you.
Josh, I wasn't gone for that long.
And I really can't get just one more day? Is that business? Oh, Annie, we just got No, I don't want to hear it, Clara.
Do what you have to do, okay? And fast.
We're about to start the prayers.
Okay, everyone gather for prayers now.
Oh, God.
Just tell me.
You want me to tell you what? I know, okay? I know.
But I need you to say the words.
I can take it.
It happened after we broke up.
So, you can tell me and then we'll be cool again.
I promise.
Okay.
Thank you.
Umm There was a guy in France.
Fnuh! Sheldon.
You fucked him, didn't you? Hey! I'm sorry.
Don't answer that.
That is none of my business.
I am so sorry.
Hey, are we cool? Yeah, we're cool.
But you fucked him! Sheldon! Sorry.
I'm sorry.
I said I mean, look, you don't deserve this.
This is my fault.
All right.
Slut.
We're starting.
Uhh (WHISPERING) For one day, why can't I trust you Uhh, should I begin? Yes, of course.
JOSH: It's my roof! Let he who makes peace in the heavens grant peace to all of us and to all Israel.
Let us say, "Amen.
" Amen.
Amen.
(Groaning) Go on.
Well, uhh, now that shiva is ended, uhh, it is customary that the family takes a walk around the block to symbolize their return to society after this period of mourning.
And the Blechers have invited you to join them.
I did shiva all wrong, except for today.
You did the best you could.
I'm not ready for life again.
I am shaky and exhausted.
All I want to do is just crawl back into bed.
Well, you'll be all right tomorrow.
How do you know? Because what you just described was a hangover.
What happens now? I have no idea.
Anne? Annie, I really need to talk to you.
In a minute.
I need to talk to the boys.
I know that something's going on with you two.
What? Maybe.
I know your dad left a pretty big hole in this family.
And I promise I promise you I'm going to make sure you don't fall in.
Oh, you're my beautiful boys.
I love you, Mom.
I love you, Mom.
I'm so lucky.
Good night, new year Good night, still air Annie, I need to talk to you.
Okay, Clara, we can now officially talk business.
Umm, what is it? I had to make a decision and I think I made a bad one.
And you wouldn't talk to (Fax machine whirring) Oh, fuck! No, no, no, no, no! Fuck! No! No! Ah! We need a new fax machine.
Good night, new year Good night, still air Good night to the people in the parties That I passed on my way walking here Good night, new year