Lilyhammer (2011) s01e05 Episode Script

My Kind of Town

Well, I'm the boss now.
Don't worry about my people.
But you better worry about yours.
FRANK: It ain't safe around here no more.
AGENT: From now on, you're Giovanni Henriksen.
(IN NORWEGIAN) There's something fishy about that guy.
JULIUS: I'm the project manager for Sjusjøen Belleview.
Thomas, you must meet our new partner properly.
Oh! - (IN NORWEGIAN) Why, hello.
- We go way back.
(THOMAS SCREAMING) (IN NORWEGIAN) We want to treat you to a trip to Graceland.
So at least you'll be using your suspension time on something enjoyable.
I've converted to Islam.
MAN: No.
He's gone to seed since his son ran away.
SVEIN: Congratulations.
We're having twins? Fuck me.
DOUBLE HAPPINESS - Hi, baby.
- SIGRID: Hi.
(IN NORWEGIAN) Listen, I'm sitting here looking at carriages, and I was wondering, do you think we should have one of those where they sit one after the other, or should we go for the wide type of carriage? Tomorrow we're going - to shop for the baby carriage, you know.
- Oh, yeah.
I wouldn't miss that for the world.
And then, I'm just wondering, because, you know, in this one thing, (IN NORWEGIAN) when the children sit one after the other, I've read that that's good, the usual type.
(IN NORWEGIAN) But the child that sits behind (IN NORWEGIAN) It can feel a bit neglected.
So, I think this is so hard.
I can't really concentrate right now.
Can we do this tonight? Okay.
Then we talk about it later.
Yeah.
Love you, too.
So, where is this party by the way? (IN NORWEGIAN) At some cabin Thomas Aune has rented at Hafjell.
That's where he's hiding out? (IN NORWEGIAN) Didn't you hear? He got a conviction for some kind of insider-deal, has to wear one of those ankle monitor things.
- No.
(IN NORWEGIAN) He can't move more than 20 meters.
(LAUGHING) - That sounds like our Tommy boy, all right.
- Yeah.
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE) (MUSIC STOPS) (IN NORWEGIAN) Oh, Jesus! I thought it was my parole officer.
(IN NORWEGIAN) False alarm! - (PEOPLE CHEERING) - (MUSIC RESUMES) (IN NORWEGIAN) Good atmosphere in this cell of yours.
It's getting better.
(IN NORWEGIAN) What are you doing? That happens to be a Bård Breivik.
Cost me 40 grand.
Are you an idiot or something? That sculpture is probably worth around 80 now, so I don't know who's the idiot here.
This art thing, the value tends to appreciate pretty good, huh? If it's the right art.
Club's been doing better.
We could use a little investment.
- Under the radar, so to speak.
- Yeah.
Money laundering.
(IN NORWEGIAN) If you've heard of that.
with my art dealer in Oslo.
My man, Max.
Good.
Go talk to him.
Hmm? But I (IN NORWEGIAN) What the hell do I know about art? What's there to know? Buy stuff that costs more when you sell it.
First time in The Big Apple? - How did you guess? - The fanny pack's a giveaway.
Yeah, right.
So, what'd they book you for? Oh, no, no, no.
You see, I'm a policeman, you know, from Norway.
- Oh, okay.
- Yeah.
DETECTIVE: Okay.
Yeah, well, that's me.
Well, have fun.
Hello.
Thank you for taking time to see me.
It's not every day I get calls from European colleagues.
- I brought donuts.
- No, thanks.
I'm on a low-carb diet.
Yeah, I see.
What's this case you wanna talk about? A couple of months ago, a stranger shows up in my hometown.
A white, Caucasian male.
My gut says that he is kind of fishy, you know.
First I think, terrorist.
But now, mafia.
Maybe you guys have a file on him.
Nope, never seen the guy before.
I'm sorry I couldn't help you.
Well, okay.
But do you know where I can find this mafia type, where they hang out and stuff? If you want to do street work in our jurisdiction, your department needs to send a formal request.
(CELL PHONE RINGING) Yeah.
Look, this cop from overseas just stopped by with some interesting information about our friend, the Fixer.
Oh, yeah? Yeah, it seems like Tagliano is maybe not so disappeared after all.
Motherfucker.
(CELL PHONE RINGING) Hello? (IN NORWEGIAN) I was just wondering where you'd got to.
I'm sorry.
The new inventory came in, and I'm stuck here at work.
But when will you get back? You know how it is.
These things can take all night.
Okay.
Don't wait up, huh? - All right? - Okay.
- I'll see you tomorrow.
- Bye.
If it isn't Mr.
Fanny Pack.
Looks good.
You know what? I'm not interested in any soliciting if that's your plan.
What? A girl can't ask a guy for a donut anymore? - You want a donut? Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
So, how did your meeting go? - That bad, huh? - Yeah.
You know, I have a suspect who I think is in the mafia, but the police, they won't give me any clues.
- Oh, maybe I can help you.
- How? I know a couple of places these wise guys hang out.
If you buy me dinner, I'll take you there.
- I don't know.
- What? You got any other leads? No.
MAIN ENTRANCE (IN NORWEGIAN) I haven't seen liver values like this I've probably been overdoing things a bit lately, yes.
But otherwise it all seems good.
That's good to hear.
Was sure that there was something seriously wrong with me.
Breathe in.
Yes.
That mole there.
Where? - The contours are a bit diffused.
- Which one? I think we should remove it and send it to be analyzed.
Fuck.
I knew it.
I knew something wasn't right.
Well, we do these all the time.
Better to check it out once too often rather than once too few.
So it's cancer? How long do I have left? I really think you're jumping to conclusions much too quickly.
You don't have to try to put this gently.
Some things you just know.
- It's not certain that anything's wrong.
- Fuck.
There's There's no easy way to say this, my girl.
You're not going to take away my MasterCard? No, no.
Your dad has most probably been diagnosed with cancer.
I'm going to sell out of Belleview.
Carpe diem, as they say, and I want to dedicate myself to my little family.
It's just such a shame Olav isn't here.
SIGRID: (IN NORWEGIAN) There's a strange smell here.
- Is it from you or - It's the new inventory.
You know, I just had a taste of it.
It's probably your condition making your nose more sensitive.
(IN NORWEGIAN) Well, it certainly is strong.
How's that pregnant yoga thing going? (IN NORWEGIAN) Next week it's birth exercises.
to give birth, so then you have to come.
- What? - Yeah? (IN NORWEGIAN) You must come with me.
- Me? - Yes.
Look, there's a limit to what a man can do and still be a man.
And I'm not crossing that line.
(IN NORWEGIAN) You're coming, I'm telling you.
- (IN NORWEGIAN) Hi.
- Hi.
How can I be of assistance? We're looking for a baby carriage for twins.
Well, we can sure help you with that! If I had to choose I'd go for this one, the TK Twinner Twist.
SIGRID: Yes, I've read about that one.
Yes, indeed, it wins every test, and it's very easy to fold and open again.
and it's got very good reviews.
(IN NORWEGIAN) Well, it is rather expensive, but this is like the Rolls Royce of the range.
How much? It comes to about 12,000, plus tax.
Yes.
We got a little misunderstanding here, my friend.
You see, we already have the babies.
We just need the carriage.
We do have simpler models.
- But I like this one.
- Yes? - This one? - Yes.
Don't you? - You're not going to regret this.
- Hey, I'm fine.
We just got to keep an eye on these kids being spoiled too soon, that's all.
(IN NORWEGIAN) Yeah, yeah.
Yes, but don't you think you should Just (IN NORWEGIAN) You have to sort of lift it over.
It's just a little tight, 'cause it's new.
No! Shit.
Have you broken it? Motherfucker.
Let me see.
Can't you be a little careful? Take it easy.
You broke off the whole part.
It's okay.
It's okay.
Just take it easy.
Take it easy.
You didn't try to put it together without the folder-lever, did you? Look, I'll cover the repair, all right? Just give me a new one.
I'm sorry, that's not possible.
This was the last one.
What are you talking about? There's one right there.
Oh, no.
That's just a display model.
It's not for sale.
But this one is also nice.
You sell me the Rolls, and now the Volkswagen is suddenly okay? I'll cover the repair, that weenie-twister is coming with me! (IN NORWEGIAN) Hey.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
Let go of that weenie-twister! Chris! Call security.
Give me that thing! Call security.
No! I'm warning you! (ALARM BLARING) Give me whatever you got.
What a day.
You know, maybe I'll go to that yoga class after all.
Okay.
That make you happy? (IN NORWEGIAN) A little.
Here's your coffee.
Oh, sorry, I was so involved in the art.
Those are wallpaper samples.
Right.
They're very nice anyway.
So what type of art is it you are after? I'm after the type that's worth more when you sell it than when you buy it.
I see.
So you don't have any esthetic preferences? No.
The important thing is that the financing is done outside the box, sort of.
Yes, I understood that on the phone.
But don't you have a particular artist in mind? No inclinations? No, just so long as it's around 300 grand.
Three-hundred Three-hundred thousand.
Okay.
Just to start somewhere, we have a Melgaard painting in at the moment.
Never heard of him.
- No? - Who is that? Bjarne Melgaard is one of Norway's most renowned contemporary artists.
Doesn't really ring a bell.
How's he when it comes to price and increase in value and stuff? The picture costs 280,000.
You can probably sell for twice that in about five years.
Perfect.
I'll take that one.
I'll buy it.
Okay? You don't want to see the picture? - I'm leaving this to you professionals.
- Certainly.
Just pack it up, and I'll take it with me.
Are you going out, Olympia? - Olav? - Hi, Dad.
Hi.
What does this mean? Are you home again for good now? I've spoken to Olympia.
She told me about your condition.
Maybe there's some meaning to this after all.
If you could just grab the back Hey, boss, take a look.
I got no time.
We got an emergency with the Belleview project.
That you bought.
What is it? I don't know.
ARNE: (IN NORWEGIAN) Looks like the monkey's getting a blowjob.
See? Jesus Christ, did you spend my money on a monkey getting a blowjob? (IN NORWEGIAN) The guy in the gallery said this was the hottest art around.
Take it back! I'm not sure about what kind of return policy they My return policy is, get it the fuck out of here and get my money back! But how am I supposed to - Did you like working at the NAV? - I got it, boss.
- Thank you.
(IN NORWEGIAN) Sit.
Where's Julius, is he coming? (IN NORWEGIAN) I haven't heard from him at all.
We'd better just begin.
Hi there, guys.
That was a pretty wild party, eh? Stop dwelling on the past, jailbird.
(IN NORWEGIAN) You were so secretive on the phone, what is this about? (IN NORWEGIAN) Well, first I want to welcome you to this board meeting in Sjusjøen Belleview.
What board meeting? You left the board when I joined, remember? Yeah, yeah, but the way it is now, Julius Backe had to pull out for personal reasons.
What? Julius can't sell without talking to us.
But relax.
It's in the best of hands.
(IN NORWEGIAN) Has Julius sold his share to you? (IN NORWEGIAN) An investment group comprised of local business people, with yours truly as a kind of front man.
The team up here have a slightly different vision, and they want more focus on family-friendly activities like skiing and a water park.
"Sjusjøen Belleview, El Dorado for kids.
" I got a penthouse in this thing.
I don't plan on living in Disneyland.
We happen to be the majority shareholder.
That's what makes business so exciting.
Sometimes you have to compromise.
Hello? Excuse me.
Hey there.
Hang it over there.
Yes? I've got some art here I want to get rid of.
Indeed? What are we talking about? Is it a print, photograph, painting? It's some kind of drawing.
Quite.
Let's see.
But this is a Melgaard.
Yeah, it's fuckin' exclusive.
This is something we'd be most interested in.
That's great.
But let's put a price down on the table, I ain't selling this to anybody for any price.
I shall get our expert on modern art to give you a valuation.
Sounds good.
Be careful.
Yes.
What the fuck are you up to with the Belleview project? (IN NORWEGIAN) I've had to sell out in order to deal with some family problems.
Bullshit! I made the deal with you! Not some hillbillies trying to turn the place into fucking Aqualand! Well, the deal is done.
I'm sorry.
Not half as sorry as you're gonna be, you whining, fucking cocksucker! You really wanna fuck with me? (IN NORWEGIAN) You can't talk like that to my father! it's between me and your father.
(IN NORWEGIAN) Do you have no respect? The man is sick! Come on! What are you saying? He's got cancer.
Jesus.
Why didn't you say something? (PHONE RINGING) (IN NORWEGIAN) I don't like to be a burden to people.
Fuck.
OLAV: Dad, it's for you.
Then tell them that I'm out, then.
Dr.
Utsi.
I'm ready.
What's the prognosis? - DR.
UTSl: Prognosis? - Yes, how long have I got left? No, listen, the tests are completely fine.
What? I don't understand.
Is the cancer less aggressive than first assumed? What I'm saying is that you don't have cancer.
But what about the diffused contours? What about my father's medical record? Yes, all that was a cause of concern.
But now it's all been checked.
Jesus.
What the fuck do I do now, then? Look, this is good news, Julius.
Good news Oh, yes.
OLAV: What did he say? Hmm? What did Dr.
Utsi say? No, he What should I say It's pretty much what we had expected.
We're going to do some more tests, then we'll see.
This Dr.
Tutsy Dr.
Utsi? - Lapland, huh? FRANK: He's good, huh? - JULIUS: Yeah, he's good.
- Well If there's anything I can do, okay, don't hesitate to call.
Thank you, Johnny.
Thank you for being so generous.
All right.
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) (IN NORWEGIAN) About time.
- Well, what's the price? - We have a problem.
We've checked the register, and it appears that this picture was stolen last year.
- What? - Yes, so we've had to alert the authorities.
This This is just stupid.
Get the painting, and I'll go to another shop.
It's not that simple.
The police are on their way to collect the painting and return it to its rightful owner.
Rightful owner? But I bought that from Gallery Air for several hundred thousand.
Then it's just a matter of presenting the papers.
What do you mean "papers"? Which papers? You surely must have documents relating to a purchase of this magnitude? Otherwise, I rather think the police will be wanting to have a word with you, too.
But of course I've got papers.
Good.
- FRANK: Yeah, Torgeir.
- Yeah.
- Talk to me.
- Yeah.
(IN NORWEGIAN) The monkey picture was stolen.
They stole my monkey? No, it was stolen when we bought it.
Motherfucker! I've been talking to the people here, and the guy that sold it to us is gonna be back in a couple of hours.
So You stay there, you hear me? I'm coming.
You do me a favor tonight - Hi.
- Hi, baby.
(IN NORWEGIAN) Are you ready? - Yeah.
- Yeah? - Yeah, I was really ready.
- Yeah - I was looking forward to this - (IN NORWEGIAN) Good.
Torgeir just called.
I got an emergency.
I gotta run.
The good news is Arnie's gonna take you.
Okay? He's taking me to yoga class? - Yeah, he's gonna take you to yoga - Oh, come on.
And he's gonna buy you dinner first, okay? On me, okay? I gotta go.
You can't just leave! It's gonna be great.
I can't go to yoga class with Arne! - Excuse me? You the European cop who was looking for some wise guy.
Yeah, maybe.
I got a pal who runs a joint a couple of blocks from here, who can help you out.
How do you know what my friend's looking for? What the fuck do you care? Take a hike, sister.
Come on, man.
I'm getting bad vibes.
Let's get out of here.
You're not going anywhere.
(MUFFLED MUSIC PLAYING) (MUSIC STOPS) TORGEIR: (IN NORWEGIAN) Fucking Oslo prick.
FRANK: You owe me money.
You con me into buying a pervo-picture and on top of that it turns out to be stolen.
(STAMMERING) Please.
I'm just a middleman.
We need you to tell us who hired you to sell that painting.
ART DEALER: (IN NORWEGIAN) I can't remember.
I'm gonna mention a name now.
Van Gogh.
You know that name? Vincent van Gogh.
FRANK: That's the one.
You're gonna cooperate, or you're gonna look just like him.
(WAILING) Okay, okay, okay.
It's a guy from Lillehammer.
Thomas Aune.
TORGEIR: That fucker.
Motherfucker.
TORGEIR: Motherfucker.
Motherfucker! What's that? It's an installation about how society treats animals.
No, no, no, no.
What's the carriage? Is that a weenie-twister? I don't know.
I don't know.
That goes with us.
Lose the meat.
You can't just take it.
Sorry.
You don't mind if that goes with us, do you? Please, be my guest.
Yeah, I didn't think so.
(IN NORWEGIAN) And when a labor contraction occurs, we do doggy-breathing.
Off we go.
(PARTICIPANTS IMITATE PANTING) Dads, too.
(MOANING) Hey! First of all, what kind of a putz takes a Jacuzzi in this kind of weather? Get the fuck down! And second, where's my monkey? You know what? He called me.
He called me, the gallerist from Oslo.
And they told me it was a misunderstanding with the painting.
Oh, really? I promise you, I didn't plan to sell it.
But then the Belleview project come up.
And you know how that works.
So you fucked me over with the painting, so you could fuck me over with the Belleview project.
Is that about it, Tommy boy? No, no, no, no.
It's Max.
The idiot, Max.
He never should have sold it to you guys.
You're my friends.
But that's what happened.
Where's his monkey, bitch? (IN NORWEGIAN) I don't have that painting.
Don't give me that! (IN NORWEGIAN) The gallery-people said they were gonna hand it back.
So, I'm sorry, guys.
I think it's time for a little walk.
(IN NORWEGIAN) No! If I go out any longer, I go to jail.
I want my monkey.
Not any further.
Johnny wants his monkey! Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
Okay, what? (IN NORWEGIAN) It's behind the oven in the sauna.
- That's the truth? - Yeah.
Let him go.
No! (IN NORWEGIAN) Fuck it! JERRY: Where's that piece of shit Frank Tagliano hiding, huh? You were dying to talk about him a little while ago, and now you fucking clam up? (DESHAWNA MOANING) Fuck! (MOANING) Shut her up.
ROBERT: Easy, Jerry.
Easy there You're gonna fucking pay for that, bitch.
- Put the gun down! - JERRY: You fucking perv! Put the gun down.
- Easy, easy, easy, easy.
Put the - JERRY: Fucking perv.
ROBERT: Put the gun down! (YELLING) - (GUN SHOT) - (GASPS) DESHAWNA: Fuck! (IN NORWEGIAN) Welcome to Sinatra Night here at Flamingo.
I can see that everybody's got something to drink.
That made me think of a quote that an old friend of Blue Eyes Sorry, buddy, there's a dress code here tonight.
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
The point is this is a theme night.
And this isn't exactly the theme.
He said, who doesn't drink "because every time they wake up in the morning, "that's the best they ever gonna feel that day.
" - (DRUMMER PLAYS) - Ha ha! This decorative sweater is worth more Is there a problem here? I wonder why.
You look like Halloween.
I'm wearing traditional summer clothing.
Well, you might be the king of the Eskimos, but we have a dress code here.
(IN NORWEGIAN) I've been honored for my work as a doctor in this town, and now I'm being refused entry because I'm from Lapland.
Yeah, well, I don't really care Did you say you were a doctor from Lapland? (IN NORWEGIAN) Yes.
By any chance, would you happen to be the doctor of Mr.
Julius Backe? Yes, indeed.
You're all right.
Arnie, he's all right.
You're in.
Let me buy you a drink.
Now you say you are a friend of Julius.
Try that.
Is that a genuine Melgaard painting? - You like his stuff? Well, you know, for a price, it could be back on the market.
I don't have that kind of money.
Shame about Julie, huh? (IN NORWEGIAN) What do you mean? You know, I guess he didn't catch it fast enough.
Fine? The guy got the big C.
I mean, terminal, no? (IN NORWEGIAN) Well I am bound to professional secrecy.
Son of a bitch.
Before you go, I got a little business proposition for you.
DESHAWNA: Are you hurt? GEIR: Yes.
Geir? Laila? (IN NORWEGIAN) Is that you, Laila? Geir? DESHAWNA: It was two guys.
Italian-American.
One short, gray hair.
The other one, younger.
Dark hair.
I can come to the station, help you do the drawing.
No, no.
You've been more than helpful.
Now go get yourself a warm beverage.
Hey, Lieutenant.
Yeah, I'm at the crime scene now.
Yeah, some hillbilly tourist who was here visiting one of the regulars, Deshawna.
Yeah, probably buying drugs.
Yeah.
As per usual, nobody's seen or heard anything.
I'm afraid this is gonna end up right in the pile of unsolved cases.
(IN NORWEGIAN) He's fucking crazy.
(DOORBELL RINGS) It's not really a good time for a call tonight, Johnny.
Well, I figured you might be gone tomorrow.
- So we better talk now.
- Okay.
I got a solution to the Belleview project.
You're gonna buy me out.
But I already just sold my share because of, you know what.
Yeah, you're gonna take that money you got from Tommy boy and give it to me for my piece.
But my share was four times the size of yours.
that doesn't make sense.
A lot of things don't make sense, you know.
Like your medical records for instance.
Where the fuck did you get this one? It's not important where I got it, Julie.
What's important is what your kids are gonna say when I show it to them.
No, no.
Come on, please.
(IN NORWEGIAN) You've got to understand, Johnny, at first I thought I was ill Then Olav came home, and I was given a fresh start with my kids.
Julie, you're mixing me up with somebody who gives a fuck.
Just sign over the money.
What a fucking idiot, I You really don't want your kids knowing the truth about their father, do you? - DR.
UTSl: Yeah.
- We're ready for you now.
Sorry to disturb you guys.
But I ran into the doc, and he has some news that just won't wait.
(IN NORWEGIAN) Well, as we all know Julius has been diagnosed with cancer.
We've done some new tests, it seems the cancer is in the process of receding.
- Receding? - Yes.
It looks as if he is going to make a complete recovery.
(CHUCKLES) This is almost like a miracle.
It must be all the care from you.
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) TORGEIR: Yeah! (IN NORWEGIAN) I've got a boss who loves Sinatra, who's a big Sinatra fan.
And because of that, the band has prepared a tune that we thought we'd hear if - Take the challenge? - What? Me? - Yeah.
- No.
Oh, come on.
- No, I can't.
No - Johnny.
Johnny! ALL: (CHANTING) Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny! Johnny, Johnny, Johnny! All right.
All right.
(AUDIENCE CHEERING) Let's hear it! Let's hear it! Let's hear it! Let's hear it! How did all these people get in my room? Maestro, one of your finest chords, please.
Now this could only happen to a guy like me And only happen in a town like this (AUDIENCE CHEERS) Am I right? So may I say to each of you most gratefully As I throw each one of you a kiss This is my kind of town Lillehammer is My kind of town Lillehammer is My kind of people, too People who smile at you And each time I sneeze, Lillehammer is It must be that Lillehammer freeze Lillehammer is Majestic mountain views all around It's my kind of town Am I right or am I right, huh? How am I doing so far? Sit down.
I'm not finished yet.
My kind of town Lillehammer is My kind of town Lillehammer is Reindeer and moose, hello And you know, all that snow And each time I run Lillehammer is Busting my buns, Lillehammer is So, no clues as to where this guy is from? I'm telling you, that's where Tagliano was hiding out.
No passport, no plane ticket, no driver's license, no nothing.
Well, didn't it occur to you to just ask the guy? We were gonna.
But then Mr.
Trigger Happy here decided to shoot him instead.
Hey, look, he attacked me.
I mean, fuck this, huh? Now, look at this.
Pack your lederhosen, boys.
You're going to Norway.
FRANK: It's my kind of Town Yeah! - MAN: Yeah! - It's my kind of town, baby.
- FRANK: That's still the tune.
- (AUDIENCE CHEERING) MAN: Bull's eye! Yeah!