Lilyhammer (2011) s01e06 Episode Script

Pack Your Lederhosen

FRANK: It ain't safe around here no more.
I'm gonna give you the cocksucker, but I got some demands.
I'm thinking Lilyhammer.
AGENT: Here's the file to your new identity.
From now on, you're Giovanni Henriksen.
I had a very successful bar in New York, you know.
Is this blackmail? I just need you to make a few moves so I can get a local license.
MAN: Yeah, it seems like Tagliano is maybe not so "disappeared" after all.
Here we are.
That place? Where's that piece of shit Frank Tagliano hiding, huh? (GUNSHOT) Pack your lederhosen, boys.
You're going to Norway.
I can't believe they booked us on economy fucking class.
- We're here now.
Get over it.
- Couldn't even stretch my legs out.
My pants are all creased for fuck's sake.
- Walk around like everybody else does.
- Put your sign there.
- Is this your first time in Norway, or - Yep, first and last.
You're on holiday? Yeah, you could say that.
We're visiting an old friend who doesn't even know we're coming yet.
Won't he be surprised? Yeah, he'll be surprised all right.
Thanks.
- Let's go.
Let's get out of here.
- Take it easy.
- Shit.
- What're you doing? How the fuck do you get heat out of this thing? What? You're cold? Yeah, I thought it was supposed to be spring here.
Well, why don't you put on a sweater like I did? They itch.
- They itch? - Yeah, they fucking itch.
(IN NORWEGIAN) So all you have to do is sign here, and the place is yours.
EINAR: Hello? - Hello.
Hi, sir.
- Hi.
Hi, there.
Thought I'd just remind you about the resident clean-up tomorrow.
Well, now, it's like this, Henriksen here is taking over today.
Oh? Then you're just in time for the "dugnad.
" It's when the neighbors, they come together, and they clean the yard, and wash the stairs, and stuff like that.
We have no cleaning people? (IN NORWEGIAN) In this co-ownership we do it all ourselves.
(BELL TOLLING) MAN: (IN NORWEGIAN) The world is a place full of danger, and that is something Geir knew better than anyone.
He chose to dedicate his life to making Lillehammer a safe place to live in, and it is therefore especially tragic that he should be a victim of blind violence while he was on holiday in his beloved U.
S.
A.
May peace be with the memory of Geir Tvedt.
My condolences, Laila.
Good to see you, Hans.
Let me know if you need some extra help down at the station.
I'll let you know.
Excuse me.
Østli? I'm sorry to disturb you, Østli, but Did you contact the American police? Oh, yes, sort of There's something that's not right.
I'm wondering whether Geir was conducting some kind of investigation over there.
Call it what you like.
Detective Anderson, with whom I spoke, said it was a "drug-related incident.
" Drug-related? But Geir hadn't anything to do with drugs? Geir was located in a known trouble-spot, accompanied by a prostitute.
A lady-boy, to boot.
Everything indicates that he was trying to buy drugs, and things went wrong.
- I know - So, out of consideration to Geir's standing and not least the reputation of the force, I think we should let this lie.
I knew the lad had problems, but not that it was this bad.
It'll only be worse if you start digging, Laila.
Okay? (IN NORWEGIAN) Yeah, this should be the right address.
We need Arnie's muscle to get this thing up into the apartment.
So why couldn't your brother help us out? (IN NORWEGIAN) He's gonna drive some liquor over the border.
(IN NORWEGIAN) What is it with you and my brother? but everything your brother touches turns to shit, okay? And it flows down on me.
Relax.
My brother ain't no idiot.
He's okay.
Hey, hey, hey, look at this.
Jesus, that's a foxy lady.
- Geez, that's not bad.
- She's hot.
Hey, what do you say, kid? - Hey, that's some wife you got there.
- Wife? (IN NORWEGIAN) That there was Mom.
(IN NORWEGIAN) So you're still living with your mom? We don't I've got my own ground-floor apartment with its own entrance.
Can you believe this kid? (IN NORWEGIAN) Fucking hell.
(LAUGHING) Look, do you want help or don't you? Please don't tell Mommy we were making fun of you.
Paying for number one.
Yeah, that's 570 kroners, please.
To fill up that tiny thing? That's, like, 100 fucking bucks! Yes.
Kid, I'm from New York, all right? I'm used to punks like you trying to rip me off.
Come on, what's the real price? That's what it costs.
570 kroners.
All right, kid.
I'm not paying at all.
How do you like that, huh, smart ass? You like that? Yeah? Go fuck yourself, all right? Hey! Hey! (RADIO STATIONS CHANGING RAPIDLY) (BANGING) (SHOPKEEPER GROANING) (SIGHS) You call that laying low? (IN NORWEGIAN) There! Put it there.
Nice.
Thanks.
Well, if you're here for the clean-up, then you're too late.
I'm sorry I missed all the action.
Let me contribute to the cause, all right? (IN NORWEGIAN) Hey, hey! What is that? (IN NORWEGIAN) The walls are pretty thin here.
Don't worry about a thing.
It's gonna be like milk and honey in your ears.
Come on, boys.
Let me get those bags there.
My legs are still sore, man.
Fucking Hi.
We have a reservation.
Somewhere here.
Thank you.
- That will be your room.
216.
- 216.
Good.
Where's my room? You booked a double room.
JERRY: What What the This must be a misunderstanding.
- Could you check the book again, please? - Yeah, sure.
No.
JERRY: Does he think I wanna sleep with you? - ROBERT: Relax.
- No, no, you booked a double room, and because of a conference, we're completely full.
Sorry.
You're sorry.
You're fucking pissing me off, is what you're doing.
Jerry, relax.
We'll straighten it out.
- 216.
- Yeah.
Thank you.
You can sleep on the sofa.
Come on.
- (IN NORWEGIAN) That's a big fucking oven.
- Yeah, it's huge.
- To new beginnings.
- Cheers.
(IN NORWEGIAN) Cheers.
Better be getting off home now.
Mommy got you on a leash? (IN NORWEGIAN) I'd happily buy my own pad, too, if I had the dough.
Talk to you later.
- You're leaving? - Yeah.
Gotta get home and fix some stuff.
What about my place? (IN NORWEGIAN) What do you mean? It's leased for a long time.
I'm not using it.
(IN NORWEGIAN) But how much rent are you asking? (IN NORWEGIAN) Are you serious? Fuck, are you the man, or what? Torgeir, he's lending me his place! Yeah! (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) Let's party.
(LOUD MUSIC PLAYING) (FEET STOMPING) (IN NORWEGIAN) It was an American, you said? No.
Two.
There was one waiting in the car, too.
- Two Americans, now - Yeah.
start looking without me, all right? What do you mean start looking without you? My body's fucked.
You don't call in sick in this line of work, Jerry.
Sorry.
Look at me, for fuck sake.
Just call me or something if you find anything, all right? (MOANS) Fuck it.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR) (IN NORWEGIAN) Did I wake you up? of the fucking night for me.
(IN NORWEGIAN) It's just I found these in the paper trash container.
So? Well, we need to get it sorted out before the garbage collectors turn up.
- That one.
- That one? (IN NORWEGIAN) There, that wasn't so hard, was it? I brought the house rules with me, too.
We don't play music after 11:00 in this building.
Hmm.
(IN NORWEGIAN) The paper bin? There.
Why? That's what I think of your fucking rules.
(SNEEZES) (COUGHS) (CROWD APPLAUDING) MAN: (IN NORWEGIAN) Thank you, everyone.
Are immigrants a resource, we may ask.
Yes is my answer.
This is Johnny Henriksen.
Johnny came to me with two empty hands.
Two empty hands and a lot of vitality.
I gave him some advice, put him through the Fresh Start scheme, and very shortly after, he was running the most popular place in town.
Don't change it until I Now you can change.
Stories like this don't grow on trees.
They don't.
But they are out there.
They are out there, and that's why we do this.
(CROWD APPLAUDING) Check this out, Mom.
It's even got one of those PlayBox things.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) You know, for the kid.
Yeah, and look at this.
What do you think? (GUNSHOTS ON TV) (IN NORWEGIAN) Is that a violent game? a normal healthy boy stuff.
(GUNSHOTS AND SCREAMING) - I haven't shown you the best thing, yet.
- Okay, and what's that? Jacuzzi.
The perfect bathtub for the kids.
(IN NORWEGIAN) You can't put small babies into such a big bathtub.
is good for the circulation.
No? Jesus.
Okay, look.
How about you and Jonas stay tonight, help me break the place in? - Okay.
- That's my girl.
(IN NORWEGIAN) What's "orange marmalade"? (BOTH SPEAKING SPANISH) (LAUGHS) - No, it isn't - Come on, try.
(SPEAKING SPANISH) I was really intrigued by your speech.
- Thank you.
- Look, can I ask you a few questions? - Sure, sure.
- Yeah, thanks.
Hey, do you mind if you just give me a moment? Thanks.
(IN NORWEGIAN) I'll be there soon.
that story about that Johnny is very intriguing.
The nightclub you were talking about, now, is it around here somewhere? Yes, it's just downtown in Elvegata.
- Elve - Elvegata.
- Elvegata.
- The Flamingo bar.
If I answered your questions, maybe I could just Yeah.
No problem.
You've been more than helpful.
- Goodbye.
- Take care of yourself.
(MAN SPEAKING ON TV) (LAUGHING) Hey, rough day? - So how you doing with the search? - No leads on our guy.
Here, take a look at this.
- What's this? - Directions to The Flamingo.
It's run by one Johnny Henriksen, some Italian-American dude who just got here.
You're shitting me.
How the fuck did you find out about this? It's no biggie.
Just did some research at the bar, that's all.
So I'm busting my ass, breaking my balls, and you stumble into this over drinks? What can I say? I'm a class act.
Can't help myself.
(ALARM RINGING) SIGRID: (IN NORWEGIAN) What's that? - Fire.
- (IN NORWEGIAN) Oh, my God! Jonas.
So, that's the last lot accounted for.
What did it come to? Seven minutes and 43 seconds.
It's just the loft unit that wasn't up to scratch.
(IN NORWEGIAN) As you've been notified in the mailbox, we're having our twice-yearly fire drill here tonight.
The kid was scared half to death.
(IN NORWEGIAN) Smoke makes it much more realistic, don't you think? You can go and turn off the smoke machine now.
Jesus.
Well, thanks for taking part, folks.
And to most of you, well done! I'd remember.
(IN NORWEGIAN) I may have overlooked one of the mailboxes.
(IN NORWEGIAN) If it had been a real fire, you would have all been dead.
You should be thanking me.
out of my face.
(HUMMING) (IN NORWEGIAN) What do you think you're doing? Well, I I'm just the driver.
I don't I'm just driving this for a friend of mine.
I've no idea what's in the back.
I think we're actually talking about urinating in a public area.
Oh, right, that.
That's not good.
But maybe we should take a look in the back, too? - Do you have to do that? You do.
- I'm afraid we do.
So, here we are then, Roar Lien.
Yes.
Just a short question.
Are you I mean, who are Terje and I work for Catch, special unit against organized crime.
I'm not I'm not very organized, let's just say that.
It's I don't But I don't know anything about anything, you know.
Really? Your truck was full of illegal alcohol.
It says on some of the pallets that they're to be delivered to a bar in Lillehammer called Flamingo.
It said that, did it? Um I was just wondering, how is it If I say something here, will others know of it? People won't have to know? - No, they don't.
- No.
in the back.
Seemed a little light.
Anything missing? (IN NORWEGIAN) Seems it got confiscated.
My brother had an unlucky trip.
- Did they get him? - No, he got away.
But the car was (IN NORWEGIAN) It was left there.
That's nice.
- The stupid fuck.
- Yeah.
(CELL PHONE RINGING) Yeah, Arnie.
(IN NORWEGIAN) Hey, it's me.
You wouldn't happen to have an extra key? (IN NORWEGIAN) I've locked myself out, with a pizza in the oven.
(SIGHS) (IN NORWEGIAN) Thanks.
Bye.
Should have let me just whack him in front of his stupid club.
Your uncle told us not to make any fuss.
You think blowing his brains out here on the main street is what he had in mind? It's just those fucking snitches, you know? Make my index finger twitch.
That's right.
Stay with him.
Stay with him.
Laila Hovland? Terje Hansen.
(IN NORWEGIAN) It concerns a liquor-smuggling outfit.
Here in Lillehammer? Do you know a Giovanni Henriksen? you know that? You're unbelievable.
Get in here.
JERRY: This is where Tagliano lives? He should be grateful we're putting him out of his misery.
(SNEEZES) Shit.
The cops.
- They been following us? - Come on.
Let's go.
Giovanni Henriksen? Yeah.
(IN NORWEGIAN) I must ask you to come down to the station with us.
down at the station right now.
Let's go, Don Johnson.
First I'm al-Qaeda, and now I'm some kind of prohibition rum runner? What are you guys smoking over here? Al-Qaeda? (IN NORWEGIAN) Long story.
Good day.
(IN NORWEGIAN) We've made a substantial liquor seizure that implicates your client.
this marking? You don't have to answer this.
(IN NORWEGIAN) If you don't have anything more conclusive Well, we also have a witness who has indicated your client as being one of the people behind this.
A witness? (IN NORWEGIAN) The witness testimony is confidential.
(IN NORWEGIAN) With both physical evidence and a witness testimony, the judge will probably assent to custody.
I'll have a word with Ås and the guys and come up with a solution.
and then you're out again.
I can handle a couple days in the can, but you got to fix this.
(IN NORWEGIAN) Hi, hi.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- How are you? - I'm fine.
Have you seen Johnny? I tried to call, but I can't get a hold of him.
He had to go on a business trip.
But surely he's got his phone with him? There's probably not a signal.
He's gone abroad.
Abroad? Where? He had to go to The Baltics.
- Okay? - There were some equipment suppliers for the pub who wanted to talk to him, so he just had to go.
There are tons of e-mails, so I'll have to get back to But could you tell him to call me if you hear from him? - Will do.
- Good.
- Okay.
Bye.
- Bye.
- This is my cell? - Yes.
- What? No minibar? - (LAUGHS) No.
(IN NORWEGIAN) Our philosophy here is that if people have nice surroundings, they'll feel nicer inside, too.
I understand I should have been arrested a lot sooner.
Yeah.
(IN NORWEGIAN) That's right.
Tomorrow I've put you up for both music and the carpentry group.
- And carpentry.
- Carpentry.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
(IN NORWEGIAN) I'm afraid I shall have to lock up now.
Goodnight Okay.
Music is one of the things we can use to counter negative feelings that may arise during the imprisonment experience.
Today we're going to explore a useful tool we can use for this, playing the recorder.
We're going to start with Lisa Went to School, and we all know that one.
(ALL PLAYING) (IN NORWEGIAN) Didn't turn out too bad, eh? (IN NORWEGIAN) Thanks.
Look.
Help yourself if you want.
(IN NORWEGIAN) Now, have you been pilfering in the kitchen again? The protein cold cuts are for us bodybuilders.
that was my sandwich.
(IN NORWEGIAN) You need a little introduction to how things work around here.
(MAN SCREAMING) Anybody else wanna tell me how things work around here? (GROANING) GUARD: (IN NORWEGIAN) What's going on? Place is unsafe.
It's not such a good idea with this Don't touch it.
Don't touch it.
You'll hurt yourself.
Hey, call somebody.
(IN NORWEGIAN) You have, do you? Two American chaps? (ON PHONE) They've been here since Thursday.
Then I think I'd better come over and say hello.
I feel so claustrophobic.
He'll be here soon.
Hello.
There you go.
You have 30 minutes.
I said he was a legal assistant.
You're a lawyer now? Who's your last client? Joan of Arc? (LAUGHING) So how's prison? It's great.
It's like fucking Christian summer camp.
You gotta get me out of here.
(IN NORWEGIAN) We're working on it.
Let me see.
We've got some help from a wine importer with receipts that explain the liquor turnover.
And the cops didn't find a thing when they came to the Flamingo.
As I see it, there's only one problem that remains Well, I hate to think it, and I hate to say it.
But it's gotta be your brother.
My brother? He was the only one there.
(IN NORWEGIAN) I've discussed it with Roy Ås.
There's no other possibility.
You can't let Ås loose on my brother.
Please? it was important you came in today.
You know, we're hoping you can fix this before it gets ugly.
(DOOR OPENING) (IN NORWEGIAN) We're sitting with our client here.
Sorry, didn't mean to disturb you.
Just had some roll cake left over from the baking group.
- Thanks there, Vidar.
- You are welcome.
Let's have a go, eh? - This shit's good.
Yeah.
- It's very good.
(IN NORWEGIAN) How did you come up with this idea, then? When you lost that load of booze, did you talk to the cops? Give it a rest, Torgeir.
I've already told you.
I've told you I got away before the cops made their move.
- You know this.
- You did, didn't you? What the fuck are they doing here? You went and called the biker guys? Everybody knows it's you.
If you don't come clean with me, I can't protect you anymore.
But they said I'd have to do eight years inside.
That's the sort of crap they always say.
You won't be inside for a year even.
Yeah, but that's still a long time, ain't it? You remember in eighth grade when you set fire to the girls' washroom, and I got expelled because everyone thought it was me? I never let on who it was.
No matter how much Dad thrashed me.
I said nothing.
Do you know why? Why I didn't tell? 'Cause we Lien boys, we don't snitch.
No.
No, we don't do that.
(SIGHS) (BARKING) You got to see this.
You got to see this shit.
Next time, we're gonna plan it better.
- (KNOCKING ON DOOR) - Damn right, we're gonna (IN NORWEGIAN) Hello? Could you open up? (WHISPERING) It's the cops.
Stop! (GROANS) Ah.
- So, we're in the clear, huh? - (IN NORWEGIAN) Sure thing.
The whole case collapsed when Lien changed his story.
- Hey.
- There he is.
Man of the hour.
Good job.
(IN NORWEGIAN) My brother realized that he'd fucked up.
He ain't like that, really.
Here's the last horse.
Hey, listen.
I'll be seeing you again, hopefully, never.
- Okay.
Thank you, sir.
- All right.
(IN NORWEGIAN) You clear the whole place out or what? You don't think I'd leave Disneyland without some souvenirs, do you? Come on.
(IN NORWEGIAN) Come on, Torgeir.
- What the fuck? - Bad news? It's got to be from my lunatic neighbor.
- What? - Take a look.
(IN NORWEGIAN) That you have behaved Threatening and violent in the fire drill.
What? That's bullshit.
It was a little heated discussion.
(IN NORWEGIAN) Well, he's threatening to throw you out.
(IN NORWEGIAN) I don't know.
I'm not a lawyer.
Better give this to Julie.
It's time to make some moves on this fat fuck.
- Go ahead.
- Geez.
I didn't know wood was so heavy.
Hello.
- Hey, babe.
- Hi.
- How you doing? - Hello.
- So? - So, listen, I'm sorry I didn't return your call sooner.
I got slightly detained.
Yeah, I heard but how was Baltikum? - Baltikum? - Yeah.
Torgeir told me that you were going to Baltikum, or did I misunderstand? - Baltikum? - Yeah.
It was great.
Terrific.
- Yeah, I brought back some souvenirs.
- You did? - Wanna see 'em? - Yeah.
(IN NORWEGIAN) Oh, my God, they're so lovely.
They're handmade by Baltic craftspeople.
(IN NORWEGIAN) Yes, I can see that.
what do you say we stick up some bunny-type wallpaper? You think this could make a good nursery? Absolutely.
Come here.
FRANK: What's "cameo video detector" mean? What? (SOUNDING OUT WORDS) (IN NORWEGIAN) Co-ownership bylaws? It's laws for the building.
(IN NORWEGIAN) When did you take an interest in co-owner matters? with that dickhead from the fire drill.
Julie gave me a tip on how to deal with the fuck.
(IN NORWEGIAN) Extraordinary general meeting? "Flamingo?" What in God's name were you thinking? Jumping out of a window at your age? You doing all right? This is nothing.
I'll be back in a few days.
We've already lost one, we can't afford to lose any more.
There, there, Laila.
What about the Americans? Had any more reports in about them? You know what? I think for now we should let crooks be crooks.
Close your eyes.
- Smell.
- No - Is it? - Yes.
- There you go.
- Oh.
- Just a little bite.
- Take a big bite, Hans.
They're better than ever, Laila.
(BOTH LAUGH) (PLAYING ROCK MUSIC) - Go to the back.
It's a little loud here.
- What? (IN NORWEGIAN) Who's paying for this then? That'll be us, no doubt.
The reason I called the meeting today, is I'm worried about something in our sameie.
I'd like to know if you folks all feel the same way.
According to my calculations, we have a problem with the gardening expenses.
(IN NORWEGIAN) We've signed up for Norway's Nicest Yard.
There are obligations.
It is a lot, now, isn't it, Einar? We spend that money more wisely, hire help, get rid of the dugnads.
(IN NORWEGIAN) That sounds rather nice.
Cancel the clean-up? It'll be without me on the board if that's the case.
Maybe it would be a good idea to get in some fresh blood? Henriksen, here, seems like a natural leader type.
Wakey, wakey, Frankie-boy! Shit! It's not him.
Wait.
Hey! - Hey, hey! Calm down! - Cocksucker! - Fuck off.
- Calm down, calm down, you fuck! Fucking asshole! Fucking cocksucking son of a bitch! I'm gonna fucking kill him.
(IN NORWEGIAN) So, a toast to the new chairman.
- Cheers.
- Cheers, Henriksen.