Lilyhammer (2011) s03e01 Episode Script

Tiger Boy

Cheers! Cheers! - Isn't Alex joining us? - She said she was too tired.
You have a Brazilian girlfriend! - It's insane.
- What are the odds? - I know.
Me, of all people.
- They're nothing like our local girls.
I know.
Norway.
I want all of this shit.
Go on and give it to him.
Is that all? Nothing more? Give it back.
Give it back! What the fuck are you doing? Shit, it's Oscarito.
He owns Morro da Babilônia.
Okay.
Everything is all right.
No worries.
With my sincerest gratitude, this New Year's Eve, I wish to share some reflections I have made so far in life, related to us as individuals, and as a nation.
No one can live an entire life without love.
getting there.
Guess what? We almost got mugged last night.
We were out walking when suddenly two guys came along and one of them pulled a gun on us.
I was sure that it was all over.
For me, at least.
But then Oscarito, Roar's future brother-in-law, comes up.
And he looks at the robbers and says, "Habla, habla, habla"-- Two hundred years ago, a group of men gathered at Eidsvoll to create what we today know as our constitution Our constitution has evolved over time We're closed.
You want more? Momma! Morn, what are you waiting for? Shoot.
Prep him for surgery.
A man in his 50s has been shot.
- Ready? - I'm ready.
- What's going on? - You need to wait here.
Is he alive? He's not stable.
We're losing him.
- Did he say anything to you? - He was out of it.
He said something about a cheerleader and a one-armed lady.
Blood pressure is dropping.
He's not stable.
He's going into shock.
Get him out of here! Prepare to defibrillate.
Dear family dear friends, we live in stormy times.
We were overjoyed when we got broadband, thanks to the Olympic development plan in Rio.
But a few hours in a chat room, and presto, my daughter a beautiful and talented economics student is now engaged to a simple truck driver from Norway.
Please, Dad, not now.
And who am I to speak of your future destiny? Oops, that's my phone.
- Just turn it off.
- But it's for me.
Don't answer it.
Hi, Roy.
Don't answer it! What did you just say'? But when? How? Who did this? I'm leaving.
- Really? - Yeah.
Right before your brother's wedding? Nice.
Johnny has been shot.
He needs me.
He could die.
I understand that.
But maybe someone else needs a certain someone on an important day in his life.
How would you feel if you got shot? Not everything is about you.
Who the hell is going to be my best man now? Sorry.
Hi.
This is Dag Solstad.
I'd like to report an accident.
The thing is, I was driving down the highway.
And the road was really slippery.
The truck started skidding, and And I drove straight out onto the ice.
COUNTY HOSPITAL We found out that Mesna Chess Club had ordered a cheerleader striptease.
The stripper didn't show, but they were from the Baltics.
So we're talking Lithuania or Estragonia? Once we find those Stalinist pigs, I'll disembowel every one of-- Want to give these to Daddy'? I told them that Daddy had appendicitis.
Good to see you up, Johnny.
That isn't funny, Johnny.
What kind of ward have they put you in? Right, how can I help you? Regarding the room situation for Henriksen - Yes? - The gun victim.
Yes? Henriksen is a celebrated nightclub entrepreneur.
It isn't appropriate for him to be in a ward full of vegetables.
Vegetables? The demented, if that's what you call them.
Yes, that's what we say.
Doesn't Henriksen have a single room? Yes, but-- Then he has no reason to complain.
There's nothing more I can do.
I can tell that you're stressed.
A busy lady.
In which case, there could be nothing better than winding down with a lovely cigar.
I scratch your back, you scratch mine.
Are you trying to bribe me with carcinogenic contraband? Correct.
Hi.
How sure are we that these are the guys that shot Johnny? They were at the diner on New Year's Eve, and they spoke Baltic.
- And their clothes were bloodied.
- I'll bet that was Johnny's blood! - Yes.
- It has to be his blood.
- Exactly.
Okay.
- Let's get those bastards! - Come on, boys! Let's rock and roll.
- Yeah! Come on! We'll show them blood! Come on, faster.
They need that meat.
Christ, what kind of sick operation is this? Come on.
This is just like Dexter.
Okay, guys.
Come on! For Johnny! Come on, guys! We must get moving.
Hurry up.
Salami? What the fuck? What the hell's going on here? We're from the Food Safety Authority.
My Poles are legal.
Yes.
Everything looks okay here.
Let's move on, guys.
Have a nice day.
CHILDREN'S PSYCHIATRIC UNIT AUTISTIC - NONCOMMUNICATIVE TRAUMATIZED AFTER SHOOTING How did you do that? He never speaks to strangers.
Yeah, yeah Henriksen, what are you doing here? We have to redress your wound.
No.
We prefer NRK.
There's so much violence on the other channels.
We need you to stay in your room so we can find you.
Got a light? Yes, of course.
- Sell many Christmas trees this year? - Christmas trees? - I'm kind of in a hurry.
- Let me get to the point.
What happened to your truck? My truck? What do you care? You aren't a cop anymore.
True, but now I work for an insurance company.
- You know what this is about, right? - I really am in a hurry.
Either you talk to me, or I talk to my ex-colleagues.
Okay, fine.
I'll talk to you.
Oh, I see.
Well done on your new office.
Just to make myself clear I don't usually take jobs like this.
Bye, honey.
No one in there had heard of a one-armed Baltic woman.
Fine, then we'll keep looking.
Let's see Are those all massage parlors? - I got the list from a friend in Vice.
- We can't visit all those.
Welcome to the private eye business.
It might go more quickly if you didn't have a hand job at every place we visit.
What are you talking about? The whole car reeks of almond oil.
It's like a miniature version of Lillehammer.
Look.
It's a car.
Hi.
You're all alone in here again.
You're obsessed with those blue shoe covers.
If you let the little things slide, everything slides.
Rationalistic puritans like you need counterparts, like Henriksen.
You are exceptionally lucid today.
My frontal lobe must have been stimulated by having a roommate.
I should probably inform you that I urinated on that.
On this? Thanks for telling me.
- I can't reach her.
- I told you so.
You chased away our best girl with your temper.
Mom, don't be like that.
Your father would never have let this happen.
My father, my father When will you let that go? Just wait on the bed.
I'll be out in a minute.
Dad, what the hell are you doing here? Sorry, I I didn't know how else to find you.
Put some clothes on.
You don't work in a nail salon.
No.
Why not come home with me? - How long are we expected to do this? - Be patient.
That license number Johnny gave us has had tons of parking tickets in this area.
Read that number again.
BN 97748.
Yes! That's it.
I haven't had a chance to clean up.
Things have been busy.
Hey, pay attention.
Pay attention! Nobody but me hits my girls! She's crazy! We should check with Johnny before we approach her.
Seems wise.
There's a guy in your office who says he knows you.
He says his name is Muhammad Ali.
Peace be upon you, Johnny.
Come on, Rodrigo.
This fool is clueless.
- You're still here? - We have an insurance fraud case.
This video shows the driver in a dry suit went through the ice.
That seems suspicious.
Come on, let's go have a glass of sherry.
- Sherry? - Yes.
After 30 years on the force, nothing beats ending the day with sherry.
Okay.
You're the "sherry-iff.
" Excuse me for interrupting.
My name is Muhammad Abdul Aziz Ali.
I am-- This is not a great time.
Could you come back tomorrow? Couldn't you work a little overtime? I'm here to confess a murder.
And you acted alone? No one else knew? Yes, absolutely.
Only me.
And - Are you sure you don't want a lawyer? - No.
No.
What good would that do me? Read through this one more time before you sign.
- Are you sure you don't want coffee? - No, thanks.
Maybe some chai? - Chai? - Yes.
Fine.
I'll see what I can do.
My God.
Amen.
Cheers! Police!