Lip Sync Battle (2015) s03e05 Episode Script

Rob Riggle vs. Jeff Dye

1 - Oh! - (rock music playing) Friends say it's fine, friends say it's good Everybody says It's just like Robin Hood Well, it's plain to see You were meant for me, yeah I'm your boy Your 20th century toy (thuds) - (feedback) - (cheering) He's killing the game and taking names.
Give it up for your Lip Sync Battle master on the mic: LL Cool J! Hands in the air! Let me hear you say, "Yeah!" Yeah! Say, "Hell yeah!" - Hell yeah! - Now scream! (audience screaming) Welcome to Lip Sync Battle! Now this show is one big party where the starts let their hair down.
I don't, you know.
- But - (laughs) before we get into that.
I have to bring my LSB rah-de-da to the stage.
- Woo! - She's the color commentator, the scrumptious, the ever so voluptuous - Woo! - Chrissy Teigen! Everywhere I go, go, go, go, go All they do is stare and stare All they do is stare and stare All they do is stare and stare And stare and stare (cheering) I like that, I like that, I like that! Thank you for that kind intro.
It's my pleasure.
It really is my pleasure, I'm a kind person.
Um - Chrissy? - Yes.
What do we got for the people tonight? What can they expect to see? The two gentlemen we have tonight, they've been talking ish, and it's on tonight.
Because these two are so funny and so ridiculous, I cannot wait to see how weird it gets tonight.
It's gonna get weird.
- Well, let's get to it! - I'm out.
- Let's get to it.
- Here we go.
If you're ready for a lip sync battle, make some noise! He cracked you up in movies like Step Brothers, The Hangover, and The Other Guys.
Put your hands together for Rob Riggle! (cheering) And he's a hilarious, stand-up comedian.
He stars in Better Late Than Never on NBC.
He hosts That Awkward Game Show, right here on Spike.
It's Jeff Dye! (cheering) Woo! (screams) Yes! Woo! Getting those votes, getting those votes.
(indistinct dialog) I already blew it.
Nah, it's all good.
No, it's great, it's great.
Rob, you're up first.
Jeff, have a seat for a minute.
- Good luck, my friend.
- Oh, snap, good luck.
We get right into it.
- So, Rob - Yes.
What song did you choose? Can I tell them? Ah, you yeah, yeah, you can tell them.
Why not? Sure.
Express Yourself, N.
W.
A.
(cheering) Ladies and gentlemen, Rob Riggle! (cheering) Yo, man, there's a lot of brothers out there flaking and perpetrating, but scared to kick reality.
Man, you been doing all this dope producing, you ain't had a chance to show 'em what time it is.
So what you want me to do? Express yourself! I'm expressing with my full capabilities And now I'm living in correctional facilities 'Cause some don't agree with how I do this I get straight and meditate like a Buddhist I'm dropping flavor, my behavior is hereditary But my technique is very necessary Blame it on Ice Cube Because he said it gets funky When you got a subject and a predicate Add it on a dope beat, and it'll make you think Some suckers just tickle me pink to my stomach 'Cause they don't flow like this one You know what? I won't hesitate to diss one Or two before I'm through So don't try to sing this Some drop science, while I'm dropping English Even if Yella Makes it a-capella I still express, yo, I don't smoke weed or sess - Go! - 'Cause it's known to give a brother brain damage And brain damage on the mic don't manage nothing But making a sucker and you equal Don't be another sequel Express yourself! Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah Express yourself! Man, get over here, get over here Express yourself! Express yourself! (cheering) Chrissy: Oh! Oh, so gentle.
Whoa.
Oh, and then you (bleep) it.
Can we see that white girl shuffle one more time? Which one? Which one? The - Chrissy: Oh.
- The hot foot? Oh, yes, girl! (laughing) Oh! Oh! - Too much.
- Hey, man, that don't count! He can't dance afterwards.
That don't count toward the votes.
Too much sex appeal.
So, Rob, straight out of the stage to the VIP.
- Right here, please.
- All right.
Peace! - Chrissy: Yes! - Rob Riggle! Rob Riggle, mofos! Jeff, it's your turn.
Come on down.
Chrissy: Look at these shoes.
- That's kind of cool.
Okay.
- That's right, man.
Jeff what song did you choose? Ah, I'm going to be singing This Is How We Do It by Montell "Don't Call Me Michael" Jordan.
I like it.
- I like it.
I like it.
- Yeah! - Ladies and gentlemen - Yes.
Jeff Dye! (cheering) This is how we do it This is how we do it La ra ra ra ra ra Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
This is how we do it It's Friday night And I feel alright The party is here on the West side So I reach for my 40 and I turn it up Designated driver take the keys to my truck Hit the shore 'cause I'm faded Honeys in the street say, "Monty, yo we made it!" It feels so good in my hood tonight The summertime skirts and the guys in Kani All the gang bangers forgot about the drive-by You gotta get your groove on Before you go get paid So tip up your cup and throw your hands up And let me hear the party say I'm kinda buzzed and it's all because This is how we do it South Central does it like nobody does This is how we do it To all my neighbors, you got much flavor This is how we do it Let's flip the track, bring the old school back This is how we do it Once upon a time in '94 Montell made no money and life sure was slow All they said was 6'8" he stood And people thought the music that he made was good There lived a D.
J.
and Paul was his name He came up to Monty, this is what he said "You and OG are gonna make some cash Sell a million records and we'll make in a dash" Oh, I'm buzzing because This is how we do it South Central does it like nobody does This is how we do it (cheering) (Chrissy laughing) Woo! - (feedback whines) - LL: Chrissy! - Oh! - LL: Chrissy! - Oh my God! - Chrissy, did Jeff do it for you? Oh my God, your legs are so long that anything looks awkward.
Yeah.
Oh.
(Laughs) Hey, don't body shame me! Chrissy: No, I like it! - We do not body shame here.
- I'm a human being with body issues.
I don't need to be taunted by a supermodel.
(laughs) So good.
- So, Rob - Yo.
- Guess Jeff wasn't afraid to express himself.
- Wow.
- So what's what? What? - Wow.
I think I think Montell was 6'8.
And he's like 6'4.
So I think it was a good choice of song, I mean, not bad.
- Thank you very much, thank you.
- It's a I think you guys match up pretty well.
That's good feedback.
That is good feedback, it's very good feedback.
As a matter of fact you can go on and have a seat, Jeff, get some more feedback.
This is how we do it Round one was unexpected.
I can't wait to see what they put together for round two.
There's no telling where this goes.
It's Lip Sync Battle.
Let's ride.
And it's all because This is how we do it South Central does it like nobody does This is LSB is back! And in round one, Jeff Dye and Rob Riggle have proved they're all about winning the Lip Sync Battle belt.
Now onto round two, where we let the contenders turn up the volume.
Let's take a look at how Jeff Dye put in the work to come out on top.
- How's it going, good looking men and women? - Group: Hey! Thank you.
Hello there, are you going to do my hair next? - (laughs) - Thank you.
Got a date with the hair lady.
(chattering) I feel a little dishonest.
I told my girlfriend that all the models would be ugly.
(laughs) So this is, uh this is a little this is going to - He straight lied.
- I might get in trouble.
If she shows up, guys, just put your hair in front of your faces.
Riggle thinks he can beat me just 'cause he's been on movies.
But not me.
I'm on YouTube, baby.
(laughs) Woman: These are your shoes.
- When you go to stage - Okay.
you might want to rehearse in these.
- Okay, yeah, sure.
- You know what I mean? - Just to see how they feel.
- I'm really excited.
I don't think anyone has done anything weird like this.
Not like this.
(indistinct chatter on P.
A.
) Is this the actual rehearsal? It's not my strong strong suit, so we'll see how this goes.
No, it's going to be your strong suit in about an hour.
- It's good to see you again.
- Good to see you.
- Thank you.
- Yeah, thanks for having me.
What's up, my man? How are you? Great to see you.
- Good to see you, man.
- What's going on? - Everything is good, man.
- Are you excited? - Yeah, yeah.
- I'm super pumped though, man.
Here we go.
- (laughs) - Good.
Very good.
Very good.
Good work out there, brother.
You did real nice.
Those are after market.
He wasn't born like that.
Woman on P.
A.
: Here we go.
Stand by.
Man: All right, here we go.
All right, Lynn, you ready? We are going to walk him.
Here he comes.
(screams) Jeff: Don't worry, man, I'll get the championship belt.
Are you ready, buddy? Let's do it.
Let's go.
(music playing) (screaming) And I don't want you And I don't need you Don't bother to resist, or I'll beat you It's not your fault that you're always wrong The weak ones are there to justify the strong The beautiful people, the beautiful people It's all relative to the size of your steeple You can't see the forest for the trees And you can't smell your own on your knees There's no time to discriminate Hate every mother (bleep) that's in your way Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! The beautiful people, the beautiful people The beautiful people, the beautiful people The beautiful people, the beautiful people The beautiful people, the beautiful people Hey, you, are you trying to be mean? If you live with apes, man, it's hard to be clean Hey, you, are you trying to be mean? If you live with apes, man, it's hard to be clean The beautiful people, the beautiful people The beautiful people, the beautiful people The beautiful people, the beautiful people The beautiful people, the beautiful people (cheering) Jeff.
Yo No! No way.
- Chrissy.
- Chrissy: I That was an interesting circ Wait a minute, hold up.
- I'm just going to throw up.
- Can we hold up, hold up.
I have never been so scared in my entire life.
Excellent song choice, first of all.
- I we haven't had anyone come up - Thank you.
I'm not the best dancer, I'm not I can't sing good.
I'm not even really good with lyrics, but I said, - "I'm going to go big and give them the best show.
" - You killed it.
Rob.
Rob.
I got to tell you, this dude scared me when I was young and he still scares me.
All right? That was a pretty terrifying performance, man.
Well, Jeff, head on over to the VIP.
Come on.
Come on! Jeff flexed his chest muscles.
What's Rob willing to do to get the belt? Find out soon, it's LSB.
The beautiful people, the beautiful people The beautiful people, the beautiful people We're back at Lip Sync Battle where Jeff Dye just dipped into some darkness.
Rob Riggle has a hard act to follow.
Now let's take a look at how he prepared not to be upstaged.
(cheering) Uh-oh.
Oh, here he comes.
Be cool, be cool, be cool, be cool.
'Sup, Jeff.
- It's going to be real good out there.
- Are those for the show? Are those for the show? - You know they're for the show, Riggle.
- Whoa.
You've been eating your steroid burgers? You all ready for this? Good luck, good luck to you, son.
- We'll see what happens.
Get ready.
- Yeah, we'll see.
- It's Lip Sync Battle, fool.
- Rascal.
No a single friend.
Meanwhile, pan around, look at my crew, look at my crew.
Jeff alone, me with friends.
So I think we already know who the winner is before we even step on stage.
(chattering) I was just bombing.
I just wanted to bomb.
- Just Rob Riggle right here, what the? - (Rob screaming) Are you nervous? - Ah no.
- Really? Woman: All right guys, here we go, tip-top right away, please.
Welcome to the show.
This is exciting.
- This is really fun.
- It's super fun.
So you want to try it from the top? I need as many laps at this as I can get.
- Yeah, I hear you my friend.
- So, I will - All right, so let's get you backstage.
- I'll jump in whenever I can.
You can play it for comedy, you can play it for whatever you want.
- Perfect.
- But I would just like - I'll play to be sexy.
- own it.
- And it will come out as comedy.
- You're gonna bring You're gonna to bring sexy back.
All right, guys, here we go.
We're going to try it again.
All right, moving on.
Anything you do outside your comfort zone is good.
- Yeah, yeah.
I agree.
- You should do it.
You got to scare yourself every now and then.
I want that belt, I want to hold it over my head.
Drink it in.
Drink it all in.
Oh yeah.
Woman: In three, two, one.
Hey, hey, you, you I don't like your girlfriend No way, no way I think you need a new one Hey, hey, you, you I could be your girlfriend You're so fine, I want you mine, you're so delicious I think about you all the time, you're so addictive Don't you know what I can do To make you feel all right? Don't pretend, I think you know I'm damn precious And, hell yeah, I'm the mother princess I can tell you like me too, and you know I'm right She's like so, whatever And you could do so much better I think we should get together now And that's what everyone's talkin' about Hey, hey, you, you I don't like your girlfriend No way, no way I think you need a new one Hey, hey, you, you I could be your girlfriend Hey, hey, you, you I know that you like me No way, no way No, it's not a secret Hey, hey, you, you I want to be your girlfriend In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger 'Cause I can, 'cause I can do it better There's no other, so when's it gonna sink in? She's so stupid, what the hell were you thinkin'? Hey, hey, you, you I don't like your girlfriend No way, no way I think you need a new one Hey, hey, you, you I want to be your girlfriend No way, no way Hey, hey! (cheering) (both mouth) Chrissy, so (lisping) So okay, first of all, you look amazing.
(laughs) - Thank you.
- Number one, but number two it brought up like really horrific memories of my dance.
And how I had no one to dance with me, ever.
- Aw.
- Chrissy: No one.
- Aww.
- (speaks indistinctly) Want to dance? I think he'll dance with you.
Oh! Oh! Oh God! - Oh God! - Oh yes! - Hey, man.
- I love you.
John Legend everybody.
Chrissy: Oh my God! He's cute.
- Isn't he cute? - Rob: Yeah.
- You should go see him.
- I like him.
He's like super cute.
Jeff, is any of this shocking to you? Is it? Well Hey, man, I thought the whole performance was weird.
I would never dress up like a lady.
(laughs) Although, this would make a great prom picture Hey, me and you baby.
I think this is two different high schools.
Honestly.
I think it's the same high school, just different parts of the parking lot.
Nah, that girl would've picked on me in school, and I don't need it.
Okay.
Rob, you have a seat in the VIP.
Who gets the belt? Rob or Jeff? This is a tough decision.
Find out next on Lip Sync Battle.
Hey, hey, you, you I know that you like me Welcome back to "Lip Sync Battle"! The show is all about the match ups.
And Jeff Dye and Rob Riggle definitely brought it.
Who's going to be the Lip Sync Battle champion? - Chrissy? - Let's do this! Is the champ Jeff Dye? (cheering) Whatever.
Or Take a deep breath, deep.
Is the champ Rob Riggle? (cheering loudly) The winner is Rob Riggle.
(screams) Woo! This is ridiculous! I smell rematch.
All right, Rob Rob are you in there? How do you feel? You won.
This is the greatest day of my life! (Yakety Sax playing) Look, Rob Riggle is the champ.
Jeff just stole the belt.
They are both part of our "Lip Sync Battle" crew.
We love you! And to our fans all around the world, one love from me, LL Cool J, and Chrissy Teigen.
And remember, even if they steal your belt, knock 'em out the box, L.
Knock 'em out, L.
Hey, hey, you, you I don't like your girlfriend No way, no way I think you need a new one Hey, hey, you, you I could be your girlfriend Hey, hey, you, you LL: Thank you everybody.
No way, no way No, it's not a secret Hey, hey, you, you I want to be your girlfriend
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