Lodge 49 (2018) s01e07 Episode Script

The Solemn Duty of the Squire

1 [BIRD CAWS] [GROANS] [BIRD CAWS] [PANTING] Captain This is who we are! This is what we Lynx do! We all get together and celebrate this beautiful bitch called life.
[LAUGHTER] And that's why we all thought this was the best way to honor our great friend and Sovereign Protector, Larry Loomis.
[CROWD CHEERING] Larry had a great ride, and he would be thrilled to see all of you here.
I also want to thank the Signal Hill Mud Men for agreeing on short notice to participate in a non-league scrimmage honoring one of their greatest rivals.
[CHUCKLES] Larry loved to kick your ass.
[CHEERS AND LAUGHTER] Okay let's get a buzz on, and play ball! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] SCOTT: Ernie the guy's crowding the plate.
Give him a little chin music.
You want me to brushback Hector? We I'm sorry.
I just thought it might be nice to win this game.
You know, for Larry.
Here he comes.
The messenger.
Wait for your pitch, serpent boy.
True Lodge.
True Lodge.
[LAUGHTER] Hey, why'd you have to tell them everything, man? God.
ANITA: Yeah, get 'em, Connie! You got this! BIG BEN: Let's go! Hustle, baby, hustle! Go, go, go! Slide! Slide! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Yeah! Yeah, baby! Whoo! MAN: All right, baby! High five! So, Dud really got bit my a snake? He's lucky to be alive.
I have him on a new spagyric regimen.
All circles vanish What? [INDISTINCT SHOUTING] CROWD: Oh! [GROANS] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [CAR ENGINE STARTS] [PAPER RUSTLING] [INHALES SHARPLY] [SNIFFLES] [CAR ENGINE STARTS] Shadow [SNIFFS] Strange souvenirs gather in dust So many years, so little fuss Counting on time, Heaven's in place Given the chance, shadows we face Mountains fly by, car window springs Feathers and leaves are all that we've seen Fill in the void with all that we can As shadows can't fill the soul of a man Shadows Shadows [CLATTERING] [POSSUM HISSING] Aah! [KNOCK ON DOOR] Got you a number 3.
So, there's lodges in all these places? Prague.
You got Jakarta.
Gainesville, Florida.
[CHUCKLES] All right, so Grand Tour, you finish in London and you pick up your Sovereign Protector robes.
- Yeah.
- [CHUCKLES] I don't want to keep you.
Thanks for dinner.
I figured you'd want some company.
How's Connie? Have you seen her? No.
And stop asking me about her.
Okay, I just You know, that's what I'm doing here.
You know, Larry's gone, and you and Connie Look, all I'm saying is, you know, it's my duty, as your Squire, to make sure you're all right.
[CHUCKLING] Your duty as a Squire.
[LAUGHS] I just I remember after my dad and, uh and it was just I don't know.
Lonely.
I appreciate that.
But listen.
I'm good.
Larry I-it's not a tragedy.
Dude lived a full life.
Okay? It is what it is.
And I've been through worse.
And, you know, actually, um later tonight, uh, I got my graveyard shift, so I was wondering if afterwards I could maybe just, like, crash here for a day.
Maybe two, tops.
You know So that's why you came around.
You need something.
No! No, no.
I-It's not that.
It's just, you know, I can't stay with Liz.
And there's a possum infestation in the trailer.
And Avery's in the Sentinel Suite with Blaise.
- Sleep in the library.
- The mummy cot? Key's under the mat.
Oh, my God.
Thank you.
Hey, you know, I was thinking maybe we should try to find El Confidente, you know, tell him what happened with Larry, see what's up.
[SIGHS DEEPLY] Don't you want to know? You know, just to be sure? MAN ON TV: That's to short.
Looking to turn two.
Not in time.
At first [DOOR OPENS, BUZZER RINGS] DUD: Hey, Burt.
[DOOR CLOSES] Paying off your car-title loan? Nope.
That's not enough for the watch.
Well, I want that TV.
'Cause it's Ernie's.
$900.
W-What? N That's highway robbery! Okay, fine, let's negotiate.
Um, I can give you half.
Or half of half No.
[SIGHS] Listen.
Ernie can't watch the ball game on a 14-inch-screen TV.
It's a travesty, okay? He deserves better.
I'm sorry.
I can't give you - an advance on your paycheck.
- DUD: Yeah, I get it.
You know, the bureaucratic bureaucracy of things, but how about another assignment? You know? Love graveyard love it but, uh, I was thinking maybe I could get something, like, in the daytime, too.
Diversify my portfolio.
Okay.
Um, there's one really crappy temp assignment I've been having trouble filling, but, actually, something way better came in this morning.
- Hmm.
- Um You're not the first person I thought of, but Gloria at Orbis gave you a strong recommendation, so Clerical, small software company.
Three month temp-to-hire.
They want to fill the position, so for you, this could actually be a career opportunity.
Oh, no, I don't need a career.
I just, uh I need the cash, so What was the other thing? Uh answering phones.
A local company we contract with needs help with their satellite office.
Pays okay.
The commute's brutal.
I'll take it.
- [SILVER APPLES' "OSCILLATIONS" - [ALARM BEEPING] [CRASH] - Oscillations, oscillations - Oh! Electronic evocations of sound's reality - [CHEERING] - Spinning, magnetic fluctuations Waves of wave configurations That dance between the poles of sound And bind my world to soul New record! That's a new record! [CROWD CHEERING] [DRILL WHIRRING] Who is that again? That's Gerson.
Don't worry.
I vetted him.
He's got full clearance.
[DRILL WHIRRING] - I s I still can't find it.
- What? The subbasement or whatever it was I found the other night.
I keep walking down all these corridors, but I just end up going in circles.
Dud this is the basement.
I know.
We're as low as we can go, trust me.
Hey, maybe he found the Parabola Group.
[LAUGHTER] That'd be funny.
That's funny.
What's that? It's an Orbis legend from the '60s.
Engineers doing crazy experiments in secret labs.
The old joke is whenever somebody got laid off, we say they were transferred to the Parabola Group.
[CHUCKLING] Yeah.
Oh.
If you can get the filing done this week, it would a huge help.
I'll be gone the next few days, but Gary will be in and out.
Did you get all that? Huh? Yeah.
Absolutely.
- Ready for action.
- All right.
- Okay.
- Bye.
[TELEPHONE RINGING] Uh, you can go up now.
[TELEPHONE RINGS IN DISTANCE] Nice view.
- [CLEARS THROAT] - [LAUGHS] Are you okay? [LAUGHS] No, but I will carry on.
Bravely.
That's what men do.
Welcome.
A little light reading? Yeah.
Janet assigned it.
Oh.
"Me? Yes, You!" Janet? Yeah.
She plays all the angles.
I don't mind.
It makes me sound like a complex and interesting person, which obviously I am not.
Obviously.
[CHUCKLES] Lot of exciting stuff in there.
Yeah.
Come on.
There's an aptitude test, an essay, some basic paperwork, and then you'll meet Tara.
She's the gatekeeper for our training program.
This is all a formality.
Seriously, just have fun with it.
Fun? Oh, yeah.
I'm all about fun.
I'm really glad you're here.
Well, lead the way, comrade.
Tell me again about What was the name of that place where you grew up? Ah, yes.
[CLEARS THROAT] It was Heathshire on The Fens in lower Yorkingham.
Sounds magical.
There's a mouse in here.
More vermin.
Great.
Last year, it was cockroaches.
Larry really let some things go.
But you thought he was a good Sovereign Protector.
Well, admin was never really his strong suit.
- Hmm.
- And he didn't believe in the alchemical tenets of the order until the end, but when I got here, my life was a mess.
And Larry was really good to me.
I don't know where I'd be without the Lodge.
What do you think London is gonna say about all this? About what? All this The The library, Wallace Smith, Larry and his scrolls, the True Lodge.
I don't care what London thinks.
I only care what you think.
Me? Why? Because you're the only one here with true vision.
I Larry lost it.
I mean, you laughed when Ernie told you everything he said.
Every We all laughed.
But I don't know.
The The legend of Harwood Fritz Merrill, the years he spent wandering.
The lost decade.
I know that the the story of Merrill finding ancient scrolls in Egypt is a myth, but there's historical precedent for that kind of thing.
- Sure, sure, sure.
The The - The The Dead Sea Scrolls.
- Right.
- T-The Nag Hammadi Library.
Exactly, and look where we're standing.
Uh, uh, we found a secret library in Long Beach.
I know I'm the alchemy weirdo around here.
I believe every word Larry said.
- You do? - Yes.
And I'm pretty sure Ernie and Dud know a lot more than they're letting on.
I don't I don't know about that.
The Ernie's a straight shooter, and I think Dud knows less than he lets on.
- Mm.
- I didn't tell you, but Wallace Smith had a diary.
- [CHUCKLES] - I found it in his robes.
- Uh, what's in it? - I don't know.
It's in code.
I couldn't figure it out.
Bring it to me and we'll decipher it together.
Hmm? Your résumé is interesting.
[CHUCKLES] Uh, you mean shitty? I just mean nontraditional.
So shitty.
Most of our applicants have college degrees, at least.
I could have gone to college.
I just decided that I wanted to learn how things work in the real world.
What did you learn? I learned that the real world is, well, a nightmare.
[LAUGHS] You know? It's full of death and happy hours and and men who order appetizers for dinner and then just, like, stare at you with the frozen eyes of a gargoyle.
But, uh, it's also kind of a fun challenge.
And if nothing else, I've learned that I can handle myself.
I can handle anything.
- So, if I - I learned I learned that I like work.
I like pressure.
I like the grind.
I like the feeling of figuring something out.
But I also learned that I haven't found my calling yet.
I haven't found the right place, but when I do, I'm going to make that place a million times better, and it's just a matter Sorry.
Am I rambling? I think I might be rambling.
Okay.
I'd like you to meet a couple more people on my team.
- Uh, when will I know if I'm in? - This week.
We'll go over your materials and your test scores, and there's a background check.
Uh, sorry, I-I need to use the restroom.
It's right there.
We'll be in the mezzanine.
You can't go back There's nothing left to fear Yeah, I did everything that you said, and still no change.
- Nothing.
- Strange.
I've been adhering to the Doctrine of Signatures.
Hmm.
Remember what Paracelsus said.
"What wounds a man heals him.
" Oh, yeah, Paracelsus.
I read about him.
Greatest mind of his generation.
Yeah, died in a tavern brawl.
[CHUCKLES] Have you considered that your injury might be all in your head? Am I Uh, g See this? Not in my head.
Right? I'm talking about correspondence the body and spirit.
As above, so below.
Our earthly medicines obey the will of the stars, b-because your wound isn't just your wound.
It belongs to all of us.
The universe is broken.
Can you fix it? Uh, oh, sorry.
What? Alchemic healing takes patience and repetition.
- Mm-hmm.
- Then the moment comes.
A spark sets everything into motion, and the constellation clicks into place.
That's exactly what happened with my parasite.
Oh.
We never know quite what the spark will be.
But sometimes we must take drastic measures in order to set it off.
Huh.
I got your message.
What the hell happened? We don't know.
A trucker found him on the side of the road.
This is on you, Ernie.
You have blood on your hands.
What?! You talked me into this whole Captain nonsense.
You got greedy, and now Beautiful Jeff's gonna die.
He's just very badly dehydrated.
If you had sent me, I would have closed the deal, but you didn't, so it's not my problem.
I'm done with Captain.
- [DOOR OPENS] - Look at him.
So young, so much promise.
He was gonna light up the whole industry.
[DOOR CLOSES] Jesus.
This is the stuff poets write poems about.
Any of you guys know how to write a poem? I don't want to see Beautiful Jeff alone for a minute.
We're gonna take shifts, okay? And if you don't have time for a shift, you can quit.
[MONITOR BEEPING] [KNOCK ON DOOR] Oh.
Sorry for the ambush, but I've been calling you for hours.
Come in.
This is nice.
No, it isn't.
- [DOOR CLOSES] - What do you want? Why'd you take off today? Tara was gushing about you.
Your test scores were great.
Your essay was amazing.
I don't understand.
I-I was saving everybody the trouble.
What? The background check it's cost me jobs before.
What did you do? Well, a felony is a felony.
Oh, if it makes you feel any better, I have also run afoul of the law.
For what? Screw you.
It's none of your business.
Oh.
Okay, well, um Well, maybe, uh, sometime we can get some food and reveal our disgusting crimes.
Yes, let's do that.
Well, give me a hint, at least.
Uh, it involves Homeland Security.
Oh, shit.
Oh! [LAUGHS] Okay, here we go.
Parabola Group meets at midnight.
Death from above.
Okay.
What was that about? Um, nothing.
Nothing's happening at midnight.
[PINBALL MACHINE DINGING] Is there something happening at Orbis? There Yeah.
Yeah, and it's awesome.
But it's a secret.
I can't tell you.
But you got to talk to Gil, 'cause he'll give you the clearance.
I don't have the authority.
Yeah.
Okay.
But don't tell him I-I said anything.
Okay.
But don't you see? Smith used several alphabets, as well as multiple species of decknamen here in the margins.
Of course.
Of course.
Sorry to interrupt the party.
Avery, man, can we talk? Of course.
I am at your service.
I was just wondering how things are going timetable-wise.
Don't worry.
I have everything I need.
I'll make my report to London tomorrow.
Ernie, my luminous friend, you can start packing your bags for the Grand Tour.
[SIGHS] Yes.
Yes.
Bring it in, yeah.
Oh.
Oh, I-I really needed to hear that.
So, what kind of training did you get? Uh, they gave me a flashlight.
Oh, Jesus.
Yeah, you and me, man.
We are the thin blue line, right? - Mm-hmm.
- Oh.
So, uh, how'd you get the Harbor Patrol gig anyway? Well, hey, it's it's not a gig.
It's a calling.
And Larry had a guy at the harbor.
[CHUCKLES] Larry Larry had a guy everywhere.
You ever needed, I don't know, bricks, they had a brick guy and a carburetor guy and on and on, all over town.
I want to be a guy with guys, you know? [SIGHS] Yeah, well, Larry and my dad were pals.
That's the only reason they helped.
Larry never really liked me.
BLAISE: Attention! Att I advise everyone to hit up Ernie for as many drinks as they can tonight, because, soon, he'll be going on his Grand Tour! - All right! - Yay! Uh, excuse me.
Excuse me.
Uh, I'm I'm sorry for the delay.
I would have called when I landed, but I have just been through the most humiliating ordeal of my life.
On the flight, a deranged child stole my wallet and my phone, and upon arrival, I was detained for three days by Customs.
And anyway, anyway, uh, that's my tale of woe.
I'm finally here.
Um, I'm supposed to speak to somebody called Larry Loomis.
Is he available? Well, I didn't expect a parade when I arrived, but a simple hello would be nice.
- Who are you? - Uh, Jocelyn Pugh.
I'm the emissary from London.
- Aah! - Oh! Ugh.
[GROANS, GRUNTS] Sorry.
I thought we had some clean sheets.
Oh, no, no, no, it will be fine.
So, uh, Scott's gonna see what he can find out about Avery, and, uh, Blaise went home - 'cause he's kind of a mess.
- Yeah, it's my fault.
I should have been here days ago.
No, man.
This is nobody's fault.
I-I just have no idea what's going on.
I'll I'll I'll I'll sort it out in the morning.
I just need a good night's sleep.
Did you tell him about the library and the corpse? - What? - Long story.
We'll fill you in tomorrow.
Okay well welcome to Lodge 49.
- Thanks.
- All right.
Hey, I always thought that Jocelyn was a girl's name.
[GRUNTS] - A giant trebuchet? - It's French.
This thing's gonna be a monster.
Yeah, we're welding the final pieces now over in "J" wing, and we're confident that we'll be able to launch that fridge there into the harbor.
Oh.
[LAUGHS] If you tell anyone, Parabola Group will hunt you down and kill you.
[LAUGHTER] - Isn't it great? - Yeah.
I want to get Ernie down here.
I think it might help get his mind off things.
How is Ernie? Hard to tell.
Oh, his stoic bullshit.
I don't mean Ernie.
I just mean men in general.
What's gonna happen to these people when all this goes away for good? The Lodge.
That's what they need.
That's what we need to do, me and Ernie.
What? Fill the Lodge again.
You know, make it like it was in the golden age.
And if I heal the universe I'll heal my foot.
ERNIE: Are you ready yet? It's Bunco night, and everybody's getting restless.
Uh, yeah, yeah.
Um sit down.
I-I-I think it's gonna be better if you sit down.
Um, Scott couldn't find anything on Avery.
I know.
I doubt if they would.
That That's not his real name.
I made some calls.
London knows all about this Avery character.
He's a crackpot and a thief.
There have been calls from other Lodges.
He shows up, ingratiates himself, and robs the place.
He fooled us.
He really fooled Blaise, but I don't think he stole anything.
Ernie, this Avery business is really a small matter.
Good.
Now, I'm ready to talk succession for real this time.
No, no, I mean, it's a small matter compared to the vast well, conspiracy there's no other word the vast conspiracy that surrounds Larry.
You mean the scrolls and the True Lodge and You said that was nonsense.
No, no, no, I'm not talking about that.
I'm talking about the books here.
Larry committed some rather major crimes.
Listen, 10 years ago, after the financial crash, the Order's endowment took a big hit, and we closed dozens of derelict Lodges and sold off the properties, and that's what was gonna happen to Lodge 49.
The membership was way down.
Larry hadn't paid the tithe for years.
Not long after London sent the notice, Larry sent London a huge check and a long list of new members, and London was happy.
But now I-I see See what? There's been a massive fraud.
It's complicated.
I don't know how he pulled it off, but he forged some documents in our name and managed to take out a giant mortgage from a Chinese bank on this place.
He must have pocketed a big chunk of cash, but the money's been running out, and as far as I can tell, he's been living off bar receipts and membership dues the last few years.
He's He's been living off all of you.
What? There's a huge balloon payment due in a couple of months.
It was all coming down on him.
He He didn't have the money.
He knew London would find out.
I think that little story he told you about the the scrolls and the True Lodge I think he told you those things to get you to drive him down to Mexico.
He would have been facing some serious charges.
He was trying to escape.
So, what happens now? [EXHALES DEEPLY] I don't know.
Um, London's on the hook for almost $300,000.
I assume they'll just let the bank foreclose.
I'm sorry.
That lying sack of shit.
Just because Larry stole a bunch of money doesn't mean that he was lying about the scrolls.
The night he had a heart attack, he said it.
"It It's all a forgery.
We're not the True Lodge.
" He was talking about himself, man.
He's nothing but a con man! - Whoa! - A con man! - Stop.
Hey.
- [GRUNTS] - Wait.
- I trusted him! Ernie, calm calm calm down.
[GRUNTING] Shit! [BREATHING HEAVILY] Please don't be mad.
I should call the police, you fraud.
Go ahead.
I won't stop you.
Are you here to return the diary? No.
I'm here because I want you to join me.
There is a way to make real gold, but it's not how you think.
I've been looking for the True Lodge for a long time, and I'm convinced Lodge 49 is our way in.
Somehow the diary's our key.
Come with me and we'll find the True Lodge together.
I don't care about gold.
I'm a doctor, a healer, and besides, I made a copy of the diary, so I have as good a chance to solve it as you do.
You're right.
I am a fraud.
But that means I can spot the genuine article.
You are on your way to becoming a true alchemist maybe the first I've ever met.
But you have to be willing to go further.
Take chances.
we'll meet again in that place where all circles vanish.
[NORMAL VOICE] Or you can e-mail me, either way.
Payday loan.
You know how these work? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Herm, be gentle with it, all right? Just put it in the backseat of the Thing.
Okay.
All right, well sorry, Burt.
Justice has been served.
Yeah, so you can suck it.
[CHUCKLES] Hmm.
Okay.
- [ELECTRICITY CRACKLES] - Ow.
Okay.
[SIGHS] Ahh.
MAN ON TV: Ryan he's gonna try for 2.
Here's the throw! [CRASHES] Oh! Aah! [GRUNTS] Hey, uh Uh Hey.
I'm sor Ernie, I was trying to do a nice thing, man.
- I'm your Squire.
- You're no Squire.
You're a curse! Since you showed up at the Lodge, everything in my life has gone to hell! N-No, you're just seeing it wrong.
Our fates are intertwined.
You know, you can't get away from me.
The constellations are falling into place.
It's you and me, man.
We're gonna save the Lodge! The Lodge is gone! And there's no you and me! You're just another spoiled white kid who thinks everything revolves around him! You know what? At least I'm not screwing my friend's wife.
- Go.
- Hmm.
- Now.
- Yeah.
Before I light your ass up.
- No way.
Unh-unh.
- Okay.
All right.
Not before I get my 2 grand back that you stole from me! - Okay.
- Yeah, you're the con man, man.
Okay, what are you gonna do? Shoot me in the Ow! Jesus! Ernie! Ernie, come on! - Uh-huh.
- Ow! Come on! Stop! Ernie! Uh Aah! Ow! God! Drugs.
It was just drugs.
Possession with the intent to sell.
I was a sophomore at Fresno State, and I got probation.
- That's it? - Yeah, I know.
Pretty boring like everything else about me.
- [LAUGHS] - Your turn.
Okay, uh Summer after my senior year, I was out celebrating with some friends.
Um, we ended up at this party in Rossmoor, and things got a little out of hand.
One thing led to another, and then, sometime around dawn, I found myself driving a forklift down the runway at the Long Beach Airport.
Wow.
That That is the stuff of legend.
[CHUCKLES] Thanks.
And what were you celebrating? Um, I don't remember really.
- Janet is nuts - [CHUCKLES] but she keeps things interesting.
And I have embraced the Omni West Circus, plus the money.
- You'll see.
- Oh, and a corporate apartment.
I don't understand why you work at Shamroxx.
- I told you cash.
- Yeah, I get that, but what do you dream about? Zero.
What? All I think about all day long is paying off my debt.
Every night, I check the balance online, and I just sit there and dream about the day it says "zero.
" So, you pay off your debt, and then what? Well, I read somewhere that debt isn't the worst thing.
It binds people together.
It's an excuse for a relationship.
That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
[SIGHS] Hmm.
You know, I, um I got into a couple schools.
That's what I was celebrating the night I got arrested.
My dad wanted me to go to college so bad.
You know, he didn't want me stuck at the pool shop with my brother.
Like, it was good enough for Dud, but not for me.
I was supposed to go off and do great things, but no.
I wasn't gonna let something good happen.
I never thought I'd end up here.
Here we are.
It's not so bad.
[THE SOUNDCARRIERS' "LET IT RIDE" PLAYS] It's the first rays of dawn [YAWNS] In my mind In my mind All the numbers have changed And the echoes remain I don't mind I don't mind Oh, let it ride Oh, let it ride [Crows [CAWING CONTINUES] [CAWING CONTINUES] [CROW SHRIEKS] [THUDS] Ah.
[CHUCKLES] Okay.
[SQUAWKS WEAKLY] [SQUAWKING CONTINUES] [SIGHS] Ernie.
I'm glad you're here.
I took a shot at the poem.
"Your many hairs make a single head of hair, the way many mountains make a range.
To see you void of light is strange.
But we know you will tower again like a noble tulip, above the lawn of the possible.
" Jesus, Bob.
I know, but it's a first draft.
I'm gonna get some coffee.
- Is he gone? - What? - When did you - I found Captain.
What? Really? Grab my pants.
There's a brochure in the pocket.
This? I found him there.
He's like a god, Ernie, truly.
He snaps his fingers, and the world is born.
I was so close to him.
We were swimming in a in a giant pool.
What the hell happened to you? Captain has all the answers, Ernie.
You need to go to the desert.
You need to find him.
MAN: "Stone did another line and looked out the window.
The square was empty, but he knew he'd been followed.
It was a trap, and soon he would die.
But even in that terrible moment, he felt something beautiful in the scene below.
The moonlight was soft and welcoming like the legs of a Silesian whore.
" What the hell? Ah.
I can't believe you came all this way just to apologize.
- That's really - Dud, man, um, I don't know what you're doing out here, but I'm looking for Captain.
- Captain? - Right.
Captain.
Captain, man, Captain.
- Cap Right.
- Yeah.
Uh, oh, oh, oh, I think, um, you mean Gary.
- Gary? - Yeah.
Gary.
- That's Captain? - Huh.