Lost In Space (1965) s02e25 Episode Script

The Colonists

[ Man Narrating .]
Last week, as you recall, we left our family of space pioneers trying to set up a network of radio relay stations unaware that even at that moment their peaceful planet was the target of an incredible army of alien invaders.
[ Sighs .]
Relay Station One to Station Two.
We should be set up and operating within a few minutes.
We're almost done too.
Boy, once we get all these stations set up we'll be able to send a signal just about anywhere.
You have fulfilled your mission with efficiency and dispatch, Will Robinson.
Thanks, Robot.
Now if Judy and Penny can only handle their job at their relay station.
They are intelligent and highly trained.
I know, but you know girls.
Well, if they're as good as you say, we ought to be getting a signal from them any minute.
Then I can relay it on to Don and Dr.
- Okay? - Yeah.
- Ah.
- Oh, good.
- [ High-pitched Tone .]
- Hey, something's wrong.
Seriously wrong, Will Robinson.
We are receiving some kind of alien sound wave.
I can't turn it off.
- [ High-pitched Tone .]
- Stop it! Stop it! It's destroying my eardrums! Disconnect the battery! [ Both Screaming .]
- John, what's wrong? - It won't respond.
Well, can I help? I'll try to control it from the master system.
I sure wish I knew what knocked it out, Robot.
I'll bet those girls goofed it somehow.
Do not sell your sisters short, Will Robinson.
They are not necessarily to blame.
Yeah, well, somebody overloaded our transmitter.
Maybe it was Dad at the Jupiter.
Come in, Jupiter 2.
Your radio circuits are destroyed beyond hope of repair, Will Robinson.
- The hypersonic blast waves have destroyed all communication.
- What could have caused it? Who could have caused it would be a better question, Will Robinson.
Charred medium-well.
And by a chef who knew exactly what he was doing.
You certainly can't blame me this time.
I had absolutely nothing to do with it.
Outraged innocence will get you nowhere, Smith.
All right, how did you do it? How did you do it? This is insufferable! I refuse to listen to another word! All right, Smith.
Calm down.
I was only testing.
- I don't think you had anything to do with it.
- I should hope not.
You don't have the mentality.
Well, it'll take a lotta work, but I guess it can be fixed.
You're not planning to work on it today, I hope? As a matter of fact, I am.
As soon as I can get in touch with the Jupiter 2 and have them send out some spare parts.
Jupiter 2, come in.
Come in, Jupiter 2! Melted like lava.
I'm beginning to feel very warm.
Major, do you see an erupting volcano anywhere? If I did, we wouldn't be alive to talk about it, Smith.
I'm gonna find out what happened to the others.
- Station three's the nearest.
Let's get over there.
- On foot? Unless you've sprouted wings in the last few seconds.
Come on.
Sheer madness.
Hiking, in the midday sun.
[ Electronic Tone .]
John, what's wrong with these things? I wish I knew.
Every circuit in our communication system's burned out.
You mean you can't get in touch with the others? No.
We might as well be on a desert island.
Well, we are on sort of a desert-- a deserted planet.
I'm not so sure about that.
What do you mean? Well, systems like this don't burn out or fuse simultaneously without our back-up systems taking over.
- You know something? Our back-up system's burned out! - Meaning what? - This is all a deliberate plan of destruction.
- Deliberate? If you're asking me what's behind it, I'm as much in the dark about that as you are.
Well, then, I think we'd better go and get the children.
They must realize by now that they can't reach us by radio.
The sensible thing for them to do would be head right back here.
No, we'd better wait.
All right.
They are sensible I hope.
It is my considered opinion, Will Robinson that the sensible thing to do is return at once to the Jupiter.
Well, I think it's just as sensible to try and find out what caused all this.
I know what caused it, Will Robinson.
- You do? Well, why didn't you say so? - You did not ask me.
"You did not ask me.
" Well, I'm asking you now! An electronic catastrophe such as we experienced can only be produced by hypersonic wave emissions from a source far more powerful than I am equipped to compute.
That source is very close.
- Good.
We'll find it and knock it out.
- Wait! - Well? - The source I have mentioned may be "unknockable.
" Well, we'll see.
Let's go.
You are the boss, Will Robinson.
- Judy? - Penny? - Penny? - Judy? What are you, Smith, some kind of offbeat echo? I am merely trying to do my share of the work, Major.
Boy, this one really got clobbered.
I hope the girls weren't too close when it blew.
[ Gasps .]
What is this? Oh, the poor dears.
Aw, Smith, don't be so morbid.
My guess is they high-tailed it back to the Jupiter when this thing happened.
- I hope so.
I sincerely hope so.
- Yeah, well, let's get over to Will's station.
Can't we assume that the same thing happened there and make our way back to the Jupiter 2? My feet are a disaster area.
I feel for you, Smith.
Why don't you try walking barefoot? Barefoot, indeed.
Looks like Will and the Robot headed back to camp too.
We could have saved ourselves the journey if you'd listened to me.
This baby makes three.
They probably blew simultaneously.
But why? And how? All right, Smith, let's get back to the Jupiter.
- [ Female Voice .]
Wait where you are.
- Wait for what? - I didn't say anything.
- Come on, Smith, stop playing games with me.
I am not playing games.
I think it-it came from there.
Oh, forget it, Smith.
This equipment is hopelessly wrecked.
[ Female Voice .]
As far as you are concerned, that is true.
Major, I think we should go.
It's only a voice.
It-It can't hurt us.
Of course I cannot.
Any more than I can hurt that stone behind you.
Whoa! That voice has a sting to it, eh, Smith? Now harken to this.
You will now return to your flight ship and rejoin your fellow voyagers.
You will hear from me again when you are there.
You will.
- Now, look, what's this all about? - Prisoners may not ask questions.
- Prisoners? - Surrender your weapons.
- No, thanks.
- [ High-pitched Tone .]
Whoa! Return to your ship and await orders.
Yes, sir-- Uh, yes, ma'am.
Now don't be in such a hurry, Smith.
There are a few things I'd like explained.
Your orders, when you receive them, will be self-explanatory.
Ask no further questions if you wish to live.
Return to your ship at once.
[ High-pitched Tone .]
- We're going.
We're going! - We were just about on our way back there anyway.
[ Tone Stops .]
We're going.
Yes, we are.
We're going.
Anything happen to the equipment at your station? It blew just like stations two and three.
I guess Will and Penny told you, huh? The children aren't back yet.
- They're not? - No.
All I know is a voice bounced off that wrecked master system and said something about your getting back to the ship and surrendering your guns.
It was addressed to the major and me.
A female voice, I believe, much more deadly than the male.
We are her prisoners.
Well, I'm not.
Neither are you or any of us, for that matter.
- But I'm very much afraid the children are.
- Well, let's go find them.
- [ High-pitched Tone .]
- [ Female Voice .]
Stand fast! [ Tone Stops .]
- Surrender your weapons.
- Well, there it goes again.
Look at this thing! Not one circuit that isn't blown! And yet that voice bounces through loud and clear! Well, it may be transmitted by a high-energy radio mirage, not that it helps us.
- [ Footsteps Approaching .]
- What are you doing? We don't have too much time.
I'll stack the weapons out here.
Stop dreaming, Smith, and put the guns away.
Mark my words, we shall rue this day.
[ Sighs .]
John, what are we going to do? Well, until we know about the children, we better pretend to play it her way.
This looks like it could be a landing pad.
It's been used recently.
Maybe this blew our transmitter.
I can neither affirm nor deny, Will Robinson.
Gosh, these posts go all the way around.
It must be some kind of generator posts for a force field.
- [ Beeping .]
- What's that? It may be the source of the radio wave emissions.
- It's coming from that cave.
- Warning! Warning! Look, I know it's "unknockable," but I'm gonna try and knock it out anyway.
[ Whistles .]
You're right, Robot.
It does look kind of "unknockable.
" But if I can just change the frequencies so they don't interfere with ours-- That is a dangerous step, Will Robinson.
I caution against it.
Well, you're always cautioning or warning against something.
I must repeat my warning.
This is a hostile, alien campsite.
We must return to the Jupiter 2 immediately.
You don't understand.
They could wreck all our equipment with this.
Very true, Will Robinson.
This looks like it must be their frequency transformer.
Well, here goes.
[ High-pitched Tone .]
You're right, Robot.
We'd better get back to the Jupiter.
I would recommend extreme speed! [ Tone Continues .]
[ Tone Ends .]
[ Female Voice .]
Stand fast! Bring the male child here.
And bring that too.
Male children who attempt acts of aggression against us rarely live to reach maturity.
- What are you? - I am a Robot of the Class M-3 programmed to provide information and support to all Jupiter personnel.
You sound much too masculine.
Is that bad? It is ridiculous that they would create a machine in a man's image.
Look, ma'am, what I was doing wasn't an act of aggression.
That machine busted our radio network.
It was I who "busted it," if that is your expression for destruction.
- But why, ma'am? - My name is Niolani.
Nobly born of the Kondor Nation of female warriors.
You will address me accordingly.
Okay, Noble Niolani.
But you still haven't answered my question.
Male children should be seen and not heard, much less permitted to ask questions.
I don't see why you have to be a female warrior when there's so many men around.
Their numbers grow less and less, thanks to us.
They are a useless lot, fit only for simple guard duty.
I wish I could help, Will Robinson but the radio wave emissions have paralyzed my attack system.
What are you gonna do with us? You'd better let me go, 'cause when my father hears about this-- His father a mere mortal male.
John, I'm sure that that voice or-or that woman or whatever she is has the children.
John, I'm sure that that voice or-or that woman or whatever she is has the children.
- Yes, I'm afraid you're right.
- I know you're right, madam.
- Well, Major, now may I stack the weapons? - No! - Very well, but you're asking for trouble.
- [ Niolani .]
Indeed, he is! Forward! Halt! Where are your weapons? You were ordered to surrender them.
- What about our children? - They have been taken captive along with that repulsive creature, Class M-3.
- They've got the Robot.
- What are you going to do with them? Surrender your weapons.
Well, they've got the children.
- Don, deliver the guns.
- Come on, Smith.
She's very beautiful, even if she is deadly.
Yeah, so's a tigress.
- Get going.
- Aren't you coming with me? Get going! There is a weapon missing.
You have the vulgar cunning of all members of your sex.
If there are any further attempts at escape or violence by any of you, your end will be swift, I promise you.
Move out! March! Halt! Stand guard.
Any woman who acts like a barbarian is gonna be treated like one.
From now on, she's interplanetary enemy number one.
- We'll do nothing until we know about the children.
- Will seems safe enough.
- Will.
- Mom! Oh, Will.
The male child is a captive.
Let him be.
- Yes, but he's my son! - The women of my nation have had many sons.
They are of little worth to us.
Fall in! You have no doubt all wondered why you were taken prisoner.
You have no doubt all wondered why you were taken prisoner.
Yes, I've been more than wondering.
- And if I had half the chance-- - Not now, Don.
Your moral courage is not what is needed here.
What we need is your male animal strength.
That is all.
- Does that include the strength of children? - Only male children.
You will not interrupt me again.
Now, harken to this.
"This planet has been chosen as a settlement "for a pioneer colony of female warriors of the Kondor Nation.
"You have been taken captive in order that you may prepare the landing pad "and an electronic purifying arch "through which all our warrior colonists will have to pass - before breathing the air of their new home.
" - Bully for them.
You said something? Do you expect to do all this work with our bare hands? To clear the pad, bare hands will do.
For the arch, the necessary sections will be provided.
Since they are due to arrive shortly you will be expected to work night and day, with only brief periods for food and rest.
Laggards, I must warn you, will be severely punished.
It will be futile for you to attempt escape, as you will now see.
That is a force-field barrier.
Do not attempt to pass through it.
Doesn't look like much of a barrier to me.
Go on, try it.
You are the arrogant one.
Put them to work! You, come with me! - No, I want to stay here.
- You will now fulfill your true destiny.
Ohh! I can't! My delicate back will break.
That seems to be the general intention around here, for all of us.
Judy, are you all right? Uh-huh.
Penny's all right too.
She's with Mother.
Oh, good.
Well, I hope they haven't been working you the way they've been working us.
Women have their privileges in this community, Don.
- Really? Like what? - Oh, like being waited on by men while Niolani tells us all about the estimable virtues of the female and the not-so-estimable vices of the male.
I hope you haven't been swallowing any of that.
Judy, you shouldn't be here with Don like this.
You know it's against the rules.
Yeah, well, you can tell Niolani for me, Penny, that it's not against human nature.
- And there's nothing she's going to do about that.
- I'd better go.
Haven't you any conscience whatsoever, Smith? Of course I do.
But you and the Professor are so much stronger than I am.
I know you wouldn't want me to tear a ligament.
- Hey, how about a hand? - [ Yells .]
Right in there.
That's it! One more! There! I think it's beginning to look rather magnificent now that it's up.
No thanks to you.
The spirit was willing, Professor, but the flesh, that's quite a different story.
I'm afraid I'm not as young as I used to be.
But surely the Noble Niolani understands that.
The only thing the Noble Niolani understands is that men are nothing compared to women.
She may have a point, you know.
A society of female warriors, female leaders, it might be very interesting.
I think we should discuss it with her and perhaps contribute to this great society.
Come on, Smith, get back to work, huh? The only chance we have of breaking out of here is getting through that force field.
Well, what about Maureen and the girls? We'll be back for them.
Niolani thinks all women are allies.
She won't hurt them.
But tell the Robot to get Will.
Hurry! Open the force field so we can get these rocks out.
Force field, open! - When it's open, we make our move.
- Right.
Ohh! I shall never be the same.
I can feel something tearing inside.
It is always the seat of your pants, Dr.
Smith! Stand up straight! [ Electronic Tone Lowering .]
Here, catch! Oh, you clumsy clod! [ High-pitched Tone .]
Stop it! Stop it! I can't bear it! Poor, sensitive creatures.
Everything is too much for you.
From now on, your rest periods will be much shorter.
The colonists are due to arrive soon.
If you have not finished the landing pad by then you will die! Dr.
Smith, I don't see why you have to do all this fancy stuff.
I mean, it's not gonna help us one bit.
Blank spaces offend my sense of completeness, William.
Did I ever tell you that had I not taken to medicine I would have become a great muralist and sculptor? It occurs to me that Michelangelo should have been known as the Zachary Smith of his time.
William, assist the master.
There and there.
Ah! Oooh! Oh, dear! Ohh! The agony I endure for the ecstasy of my art.
Ah! It is beginning to look rather intriguing, don't you think? It is beginning to look rather nauseating.
I do not recall asking for your opinion, you misshapen mummy.
Work! Work! Back to work! Yes, Noble Niolani.
To work, to work, to work, to work.
Forward! Halt! How dare you waste precious time.
I was just adding a final little artistic embellishment, milady.
- What final embellishment? - My signature.
You have not worked very hard.
But indeed I have, on this.
It demands great artistic genius, not mere muscle.
- Artistic genius? - It runs in the family, milady.
All the Smiths have very definite artistic flair.
Come, Smith.
Come with me.
Proceed! At once, mighty maiden.
I sure hope she isn't gonna punish Dr.
Smith for messin' up the arch.
I do not think so, Will Robinson.
The female of the species always has a soft spot for artists.
How come you know so much about the female of the species? I have been around, Will Robinson.
I have been around.
The guards better not catch you two loafing.
Oh, they're stupid.
We can fool 'em.
That's what the conditioning machine says about all men.
- I sure hope you don't believe it.
- And why shouldn't I? After all, you don't think much of girls.
They are kind of scatterbrained, I guess.
Oh, is that so? Well, let me tell you something, William Robinson.
The male is nothing.
The female is everything.
Everything! So there.
Boy, are you confused.
- Pick it up.
- Pick it up? Maybe you didn't hear me.
I said, pick it up.
Put it back on my wrist.
At once! What's gotten into her? I have a strange suspicion Penny has acquired some of the characteristics of the female warrior nation.
[ Both Giggling .]
What a nice, agreeable male you are, Smith.
Come closer.
Let me see your teeth.
Open your mouth! - Wider! Say "ahh.
" - Ahhhh! Very healthy.
Stand up! Throw out your chest! Out! Out! I said, out! - It's out as far as it'll go.
- Ohh.
All right, bend your elbow and clench your fist.
[ Giggling .]
[ Sighs .]
What a pitiful specimen you are, Smith.
But you'll do, for a while.
You will do.
As what, Noble Niolani? As my consort, what else? You know, if there was some way of sabotaging her hypersonic transmitter we might be able to alter their flight path.
- Yeah, except she lives right in there with it, she never sleeps.
- Yeah.
- Well, maybe we could do something about the arch.
- How would that help, Son? Well, she said that they had to pass through it to breathe in this atmosphere, remember? - Yeah.
- Split! The goons! All right, you yardbirds, shape up and get back to work! Oh, please, gentlemen.
You simply must cooperate.
Niolani will be terribly annoyed at me if you don't.
Well, that's just too, too, too bad, isn't it, Smith? What are you anyway, some kind of a teacher's pet? Niolani has graciously consented to let me be her consort.
How did you manage that? - I guess she fell for his artistic genius or something.
- She appreciates it, my boy.
I expect to have the honor of artist in residence conferred upon me when the rest of the colonists arrive.
Now, hop to it! Get to work! What a charming symbol of authority.
Such power.
To work! To work, at once! You, sir police up the approach to the arch, pick up every pebble.
Dainty feet are coming.
Dainty feet.
Dainty feet, yuck! Bah! Well, what are you waiting for? Just to see how far you've gone over, Smith.
Spare me your conundrums, Major.
Smith, have you forgotten whose side that you're on? My dear boy, artists are above taking sides.
I prefer not to participate in this dreary masculine protest.
To work! To work! At once! At once! - Well, okay.
Let's go.
- Everybody up! To work, to work! And how is the work coming, Smith? Under my artistic guidance, it's almost complete, Noble Niolani.
- What a nice, comfortable consort you are.
- [ John .]
She's in there.
- What is the meaning of this? - We've done the work you expected of us.
- We've cleared the pad and erected the arch.
- Good.
Under my strict supervision, of course.
We'd have done it without your supervision, and for one reason-- to be free of you and your colonists.
Now I demand our release, as well as the release of my family.
But there are other planets.
And what's that supposed to mean? Colonization is a never-ending task for my nation.
You'll be needed to prepare for their arrival wherever they land.
Are you saying you intend to hold us captives indefinitely? No, not indefinitely.
Just as long as your physical stamina lasts.
After which, you will be like them.
You are inviting death.
Well, it's better than being one of your male slaves.
I could quite easily have destroyed him but he is powerful enough to be useful.
- He'll recover.
- [ Beeping .]
Ah! The colonists arrive with the light of the sun.
I will introduce you to them as my consort as they come through the arch.
I hope they like your arch, Smith.
Oh, they'll love it, Noble Niolani.
They will simply love it.
Now tell me, dear lady, where do you and I go after the arrival of the colonists? To seek another habitable planet, of course.
I know an excellent planet.
It happens to be in a neighboring solar system.
It's called Earth.
I would simply adore to show you around.
[ Growls .]
Males never show females around, Smith.
You go where I go and never vice versa.
Of course, dear lady, never vice versa.
[ Growls .]
Now drink some of this.
How do you feel? Like I've been over Niagara Falls in a paper cup, three times.
But I'll be all right, I guess.
Look, if we're not out of here before those colonists arrive, we've had it.
Now, we've got some guns stashed at the drill site.
We've gotta find an opening in that force field.
Well, it can be operated through the transmitter and that antenna there.
I saw the controls before I got clobbered.
- You think you can get to it? - Well, I'll try.
All right, here's what you do.
- Well, what do you think of it, milady? - It is beautiful.
[ Niolani .]
We will take it with us wherever we go.
Your former friends will do the work of dismantling and reassembling.
And could they also form a guard of honor at our betrothal? [ Electronic Tone Lowering .]
Carry on, Smith.
Where do you think you're going? Back to work at once, do you hear? To the rear, march! - Smith, call off these goons! We're gonna get the guns! - And you're going with us.
No, I am not.
You can't make me a party to your scheme.
Niolani will never forgive me.
She'll divorce me before she marries me! Smith, you don't mean any more to her than we do.
You've gotta let us go! Now! - Smith, come on! - [ Yelling .]
Let me go! Let me go! Sergeant of the guard! Well, now, Smith, you are becoming as brave as our female warriors.
I shall recommend you for a decoration-- the Kondor Merit Badge.
The Kondor Merit Badge.
Oh, thank you, milady.
As you were.
Fall in! Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil.
If you wish to obtain my full cooperation, Will Robinson you must tell me your plans.
We're gonna try and blow up the arch before her warriors get there.
If it works, they won't be able to land and Niolani will be in the doghouse with her nation.
Here, you take the detonator.
[ Grunts .]
And I'll carry the plastic explosives.
Oh, dear! It is frightfully heavy.
- What's gotten into you? - Nothing.
Really, nothing.
For a minute, I thought you were gonna get all artistic, like Dr.
Now all we have to do is figure out some way to put it in the arch so they don't see it.
I have programmed my computers to be sly, devious and sneaky and have come up with a Dr.
Smith solution.
I will tell you about it on the way.
Well, what do you think of it, Robot? That is probably the most beautiful piece of work ever to have been made out of plastic explosives.
Well, I'm not as good as Dr.
Smith at making statues but mine's got more of a kick to it, I hope.
Well, here, you stay here with the detonator.
I'll be back.
Will do, Will Robinson.
Stay here and hold the fort, Robot.
It will be a lonely vigil for me, Will Robinson but I realize that he also serves who only stands and pulsates.
- Well, just stand guard.
- Affirmative.
- Will's got the detonator hidden among the rocks.
- Good for Will.
I don't know whether to pat him on the back - or take him over my knee for takin' a chance like that.
- What's the strategy now? All right, when we break out of here, you pick the guard you're gonna tackle.
I'll take the other one out and head for the detonator.
It'll be Will's job to clear the family out of the area.
What about Smith? Will did say he kept quiet when he saw them escape.
- Well, he'll be given fair warning.
- All right.
Well, there's nothing left for us to do now but wait for the dawn.
Well, Smith, how do I look? Ravishing, Noble Niolani.
Simply ravishing.
I look rather ravishing myself, don't you think? [ Beeping .]
Harken! Our first spaceship has sighted the planet.
Call out the honor guard.
- Fall in! - Yes, sir! Yes, madam.
Rise and shine! Rise and shine! This is an historic occasion! Come on, Smith, you don't really expect us to shine, do you? Now you heard what the man said, didn't you? He said, "rise and shine.
" Silence in the ranks! Attention! To the arch! March! Hup, two, hup, two.
Stay in step! Hup, two, hup, two.
Halt! Fall in over here.
Splendid! Oh, dear.
Something's happened to one of my lovely little statues.
But it'll only take a jiffy to give it a little touch-up.
- But, Dr.
Smith-- - Yes? Nothing.
Halt! Where is Smith? The colonists are due to arrive in a matter of minutes.
I'll get him for you, Noble Niolani.
Smith! Don't hit it! What is the meaning of this, William? You should be standing at attention at the arch.
I know, but that statue, it's-it's-it's-- - "It's-It's" what? Speak up, my boy.
- It's-- It's explosive! Ahh! Explosive? Dr.
Smith, it's not one of the statues you made.
I made it to blow up the arch.
But, William, that's vandalism.
My magnificent arch.
I know how you feel about it, Dr.
Smith but it's the only way we've got to get out of here and away from that female and other females like her.
They'd make life just about unbearable for us men, Dr.
But think of the wonders of their civilization think of the blessings they confer on mankind.
They just confer those blessings on womankind.
To them, mankind is just something to kick around.
And I'm not gonna let you do this to Dad and Don.
And if you think Niolani's gonna give you any extra privileges, well, you're wrong.
To her, you're just another man or-- or a mouse, like those guards of hers.
- I shall never be a mouse! - For a minute you sounded like the Dr.
Smith I used to know before you got all involved with her.
But I'm just kidding myself.
You're not the old Dr.
- William? - Well, what is it? Can't you think of a safer way to effect your escape? It's the only way we've got.
Very well, then take it.
- And good luck.
- You have to take it.
- It's supposed to be a part of your artistic genius.
- Me? - I can't! - [ Niolani .]
Smith, report at once! Yes, sir-- I mean, ma'am! Oh, William.
What shall I do? Tell me what to do.
Now listen carefully.
Pick it up and take it to where you got it.
Then call for me like you need my help and I'll come and I'll reconnect the blasting wires.
But remember, whatever you do, don't drop it.
[ Niolani .]
Report at once, Smith! Coming, N-N-N-Noble N-N-N-Niolani! - Don't drop it! - [ Yells .]
[ Yells .]
It's explosive.
Forgive the delay, oh mighty maiden but an artist's work is never done.
Another moment, Smith, and I would have done away with you.
I just wanted the arch to be perfectly adorned for the arrival of the colonists.
But I'm afraid I shall need some help.
William! Coming, Dr.
Ah, they have arrived! - Back to your place, male child.
- Yes, ma'am.
Now! - Run for your lives! - Stand fast! Stand fast, I say! Mission accomplished.
[ Beeping .]
Yes, my queen, I shall return at once.
Hail to thee, blithe spirit cherub thou never wert.
Ah me, the last relic of my creative genius.
That is not a product of your creative genius.
- That was made by Will Robinson out of plastic explosive.
- [ Yells .]
[ Laughing .]
I never said I was perfect.
Just you wait, you misguided, mechanical misery.
[ Sighs .]
Defeated by mere males.
Oh, I shall be court-martialed.
Sentenced to a lifetime of degrading drudgery-- cooking, cleaning, laundry squalling, sniveling children.
[ Sobbing .]
You have defeated me.
You are free now.
It is I who am captive.
Well, it isn't a defeat to acknowledge that men are just as good as women.
Why, equality of the sexes has advantages you may have overlooked.
I must tell my people about that.
Perhaps they will listen.
Your scepter, Noble Niolani.
Thank you, male child.
Well, do you still think the male is nothing and the female is everything? I never said any such thing.
- Oh, yes, you did! - No, I didn't.
Oh, come on now.
Isn't it time that you two were tired of the battle? Well, we've replaced all the transistoroids.
All that remains now is to lay in the relays.
And make sure we get back to full power gradually.
Well, that'll be Smith's job.
Do you understand what you're to do? - Of course I do, Professor.
It's a very simple procedure.
- Good.
All right, Smith, let's hear you repeat it.
I am fully aware of my responsibilities, Major.
As I have said many times in the past-- Never fear, Smith is here.
Oh, I know this is a mistake.
All right, let's go over it once more.
When you see the yellow light go on, hit the blue button then wait two seconds and hit the black button then wait three seconds and hit the green.
- Child's play.
- Well, that's why we picked you to do it.
Bah! Huh.
Nothing to it at all.
The yellow light, the black button, the blue button and the green button.
- Would you like some coffee? - Thank you very much, dear lady.
Black, if you don't mind.
- Right.
- Now, let me see, what was it? Uh, green, blue, black, yes.
- Blue, yellow, uh, green, uh, black-- - Is something wrong? - Nothing at all, madam.
Just solving a simple problem.
- [ Beeping .]
- What's that for? - A signal from your husband.
Now, let me see.
Well, whatever it is John wants you to do, I think you better do it.
By all means.
Now which button was it? Ah! The green button, of course! There.
[ Explosion .]
- Oh, John! - Something appears to be wrong.
I'd better press the blue button.
[ Explosion .]
Smith! Dr.
Smith! Oh! I'm innocent! The professor probably got his wires crossed.
I did everything perfectly.
- Look, Don and John are in there! We've got to get to them! - You should go without me.
In the event of a further disaster, I will care for the children.
- No, you're coming with me.
- I don't see any reason why we should both risk our lives! - Come on, now.
They may be badly injured.
- Oh! - [ John .]
Maureen, stay back! - Ohh! I knew this was a mistake! - There's a high-voltage cable moving in the room! - We're all going to be killed! [ Explosion .]