Lost In Space (1965) s02e27 Episode Script

The Phantom Family

[ Man Narrating ] Last week, as you recall, we left our space pioneers under bombardment by alien missiles unaware that they were all doomed to an incredible, frozen fate.
- [ Electrical Whirring ] - Well, it seems to be okay.
At least it'll keep whoever they are from getting too close to us.
They're much too close for comfort now.
- In fact, I-- - You what? Nothing.
It's nothing.
[ Whirring ] [ Whirring Continues ] - [ Dr.
Smith Screams ] - Smith! Smith, you all right? [ Sighs ] Looks like you're an extra target of opportunity for that barrage that's been hitting us.
- Was Dr.
Smith hurt? - No, I don't think so.
Oh, poor Dr.
Smith.
He's the first one they softened up, I guess.
[ Sighs ] Yeah.
Well, whatever it is they're softening us up for we're letting them know it isn't going to work.
First thing tomorrow we start straightening things up around here.
Well, I hope they get the message.
Hey, Robot, how'd you like to help me with the laundry? - Do I have a choice? - Oh, come on.
Give a little girl a big hand.
[ Beeping ] Dad, this is Will.
Come in, Dad.
[ Sighs ] They must have left the Chariot.
Well, I'd better lock in to their tape recorder.
Dad, when you play this back, I think you'd better return to camp.
Everyone's okay so far, but for the last three nights we've been hit by some kind of electronic barrage.
Don's taking good care of us, but I kind of feel that we need you and Mom here too.
I'm transmitting this from station number two.
Over and out.
- [ Whirring ] - [ Thunderclap ] - [ Screams ] - Back to the ship! [ Whirring ] [ Sighs ] I've gotta get back to the Jupiter.
Gosh, everything's okay.
Hey, Penny did you hear that explosion? Well, you must have heard it.
It was loud enough to wake the dead.
[ Whirring ] You know, Don, I was sure that the barrage hit in this area but before I could do anything, I got knocked out.
Hey, you're not even listening to me, just like Penny.
Oh, I know what it is.
I shouldn't have gone to the transmission station without asking permission.
Well, I'm sorry.
I guess I do deserve the silent treatment for a little while.
[ Sighs ] [ Whirring ] It is their force field energizer.
Hi.
Hi.
I guess you're giving me the silent treatment too.
Oh, please, say something to me, Judy.
Gosh, you're acting like you don't even know who I am.
I told Don I was sorry.
Let's forget it.
I'm hungry.
What's for dinner? Smells like chicken.
Ow! It's hot! Holy cow.
Didn't that burn your fingers? I hope you don't expect me to eat this.
When food is prepared, it must be eaten.
This must be some kind of a joke.
Sure, that's what it is, a joke.
Yeah.
Penny acting kooky, then Don giving me the business, and now you.
Well, I didn't do anything that bad.
Anyway, nothing's bad enough to deserve this.
You talk a great deal for one so young.
Yeah? Well, if you don't like it maybe I just won't talk at all till you're ready to come around.
Oh, Dr.
Smith maybe you can tell me what this is all about.
[ Clicks Tongue ] I've had enough of this.
I'll come back when the joke's over.
My name is-- What is my name? Your name is Dr.
Smith.
My name is Dr.
Smith.
I amJudy Robinson.
I have a sister.
Her name is Penny.
- My name is Penny.
- You are Dr.
Smith.
You must learn.
We all must learn.
We all must learn.
My name is-- Tell me my name.
You are Dr.
Smith.
Do not forget that.
Yes.
I cannot open it.
You have learned well.
Thank you, Dr.
Smith.
I am Judy Robinson.
You are Dr.
Smith.
I am Dr.
Smith.
He is defective.
He must be replaced.
[ Judy's Voice ] He must be replaced.
He must be replaced.
He can't be replaced.
There's no time.
Now go back and learn.
Learn.
Learn.
Learn.
- Turn and walk.
- [ Whirring ] Prepare the bed.
The bed.
The bed.
You are defective.
You've been miswired.
Come back.
However, it is too late to replace you.
Now, prepare the bed and lie down.
No.
No.
No! Start again.
Robot? I hope they didn't banish him just because he's a friend of mine.
Robot? Robot! Gosh, what happened to you? - Who did this? - Uh-- They practically wrecked you.
Why didn't they tell me about it? Can you talk now? Try and tell me what happened.
We were attacked by a barrage of-- of-- I know.
I heard it.
But when I got back to the Jupiter, everything seemed okay.
Except everybody was acting kind of peculiar, unless there's something wrong with me.
There is nothing wrong with you, Will Robinson.
But there is much wrong with the others.
They are kind of overdoing it.
They are doing what they were instructed to do, Will Robinson.
Instructed? What are you talking about? By whom? I do not have sufficient data to answer your questions.
However, you must be prepared for a shock.
- Are you prepared? - Yeah, I guess so.
You and I are the only survivors.
Survivors? No, the others are at the ship.
- There's Don, Dr.
Smith, Judy-- - Correction.
The others are not members of your family.
- What? - They are impostors.
Impostors? They are mechanical facsimiles.
Their appearance is human, but their components are humanoid.
So, that's what was wrong with them.
Your sister Penny is a humanoid a mechanical counterpart of the real Penny just like all the others.
W-What happened to the real ones? Where are they? I do not know, Will Robinson.
Well, they couldn't have just disappeared into thin air.
We've gotta go find them.
All right.
You can lean on me if you don't think you can make it.
[ Groaning, Panting ] [ Groaning ] Thank you, Will.
I will try not to be too much of a burden.
All right, never mind about that.
Now let's go.
[ Groans ] Robot, help me! Looks like we're trapped.
[ Alien ] Trapped.
Trapped.
Trapped.
Robot, Who said that? That was the echo of your voice.
[ Will ] What is that? [ Robot ] That is a question which I cannot answer.
[ Alien ] Cannot answer.
Cannot answer.
The voice is coming from over there.
Let's go.
I think it's some kind of a control system.
Or attack system.
It is both.
It controls and attacks.
Where are you? Show yourself, whoever you are.
I am here.
You must wait.
I just want to find my family.
What have you done to them? Have you not seen the occupants of the Jupiter 2? Sure, I have.
But that's not my family.
They're fakes.
[ Thunderclap ] Robot, are you all right? [ Groaning ] I am fading fast, Will Robinson.
[ Voice Slowing Down ] Fading.
Fading.
You wrecked him again.
Looks like I'm the only survivor now.
Boy, you really got clobbered this time.
Maybe if I could find some way out of here I could make my way back to the ship and get some spare parts.
[ Alien ] Will Robinson.
There is no way out.
Unless I choose to provide it.
Then you'd better provide it.
And if you know what's happened to my sisters Major West and Dr.
Smith, you'd better tell me about that too! They are here.
Come.
I think you'd better stop playing games and tell me what this is all about.
They're not my family.
I know they're not.
They're some kind of mechanical facsimiles or something.
Just because you can see them on your screen doesn't make them real.
I do more than see them-- I control them.
I don't care what you do with them.
I want to know what you've done with my real family.
They have been duplicated.
My duplicates are doing very well under my guidance, as you will see.
Here is the lazy one.
[ Whirring ] Converse with them, Smith.
You have learned to grow things? We have learned to grow food.
I will learn to eat the food you grow.
It has no taste.
This is tastier.
Very appetizing.
I will analyze it to see whether it has the correct proportion of vitamins and minerals.
They are good for health.
I am interested in good health.
Is anyone in bad health today? Broken bones, anyone? Cuts and bruises, anyone? That is good.
Good health is good.
[ Whirring ] If you're controlling them from here, well, I think it's pretty mediocre.
Judy would never talk like that.
And as for Dr.
Smith, he's just a laugh.
Do not mock my work.
It is a magnificent effort.
It was vital to my people that it be tried.
- Why? - My people are dying out for lack of the will to survive.
My observations have shown me how your family has learned to survive.
My duplicates will inspire our people to survive not to perish.
Well, your duplicates will have to do a lot better than that.
Why couldn't you have waited until my father returned? He would have given you all the advice you needed.
I prefer to use methods of my own.
I do not trust others.
I waited for your father to be absent.
He is no more to be trusted than the rest of the members of your family.
What have you done with them? Where are they? Perhaps the daisy will tell.
[ Chuckles ] Take it.
Immerse it.
Why don't you answer me? [ Shatters ] - Gosh, it was frozen.
- Come.
[ Wind Gusting ] [ Air Hissing ] Penny! Penny! Don.
Don! Judy, can't you hear me? Judy! Dr.
Smith.
They can neither hear you nor answer you.
- [ Air Hissing ] - Please, let them out.
They'll help you.
They'll do anything you ask.
But, please, let them out.
It is impossible.
If I were to release them, their duplicates would be destroyed.
When duplicates are confronted by their real identities they return to the cosmic dust from which they were formed.
But your duplicates will never be able to do what you want them to.
They just don't have what it takes.
But you do.
But I'm not one of your duplicates! I'm real! Precisely.
Your family will be returned to you on one condition: You will teach my duplicates to be exactly like your family within 24 hours.
But that's impossible.
It's not enough time.
[ Air Hissing ] They cannot survive after that time.
- You mean they'll die? - Unfortunate, but true.
However, at the moment, they are completely safe and well.
Well, I'll do the best I can.
But how do I know I can trust you? If you release my family, your duplicates will be destroyed.
I shall see to it that there is no direct confrontation between your originals and my duplicates.
Mmm.
Well, I don't know.
Lemnoc would not betray one who helps restore his people's will to survive.
All right.
But I'll need the Robot, and it'll take me a while to repair him.
I have already repaired him for you.
Remember, I shall be watching you from my control station.
I guess that means you don't trust me.
You are wasting their time.
Go.
[ Air Hisses ] Come on, Robot.
[ Air Hissing ] How you managed this and why isn't important now.
- Just let them out.
- According to my information you are the pilot of the Jupiter.
- Correct? - Yeah.
What about it? If you are interested in your survival, I have a proposal for you.
Brief my people on its operation and you will go free.
- What about them? - I am not interested in them - only in you.
- No deal.
Strange that you should have no desire to survive.
Oh, I have but not on your terms.
- [ Hissing ] - [ Whirring ] Fool.
Return to your cell.
[ Hissing ] Report barometric pressure.
Barometric pressure: That is correct.
Report weather conditions.
Oh, dear.
Bad weather for colds and coughs is on the way.
You must wear warm clothes, keep your feet dry and drink plenty of liquids.
That is not a meteorological forecast.
I am not a meteorologist.
My name is Dr.
Smith.
Let him be the meteorologist.
There is an intense storm front moving at high velocity within the angle of vectors "D" and "F.
" That means it may be heading this way.
We must get ready for it.
I must prepare blankets, first-aid equipment and shelter for the victims.
Correction.
To prepare for a storm, everything must be tied down.
Everything must be tied down.
Everything must be tied down.
That includes you.
I am burned.
I have sustained shock.
I must give myself first-aid treatment.
It will not be necessary.
You are not human.
Had you been human, you would have died.
I must be ready to help.
Dr.
Smith never helps anyone but himself.
Is that so? What else does Dr.
Smith do? The real Dr.
Smith never wants to do anything except cause trouble.
Then I will cause trouble.
How does Dr.
Smith cause trouble? By ducking his share of work.
I would like to meet him.
Can you introduce him to me? It is not possible.
Very well.
Then I will do the best I can on my own.
Like the real Dr.
Smith.
That is precisely what we need.
Frère Jacques Frère Jacques - # Dormez vous, dormez vous # - # Frère Jacques, Frère Jacques # - Sonnez le matine, sonnez le matine - Dormez vous, dormez vous - # Din, din, don, din, din, don # - # Sonnez le matine, sonnez le matine # - # Frère Jacques, Frère Jacques ## - [ Will ] Robot! Robot, what's this all about? You're supposed to be helping me, and we've only got a few hours left.
I am helping you, Will Robinson.
I am teaching them how to keep up their morale in times of extreme danger.
[ Judy ] In times of extreme danger, we will sing; we will not be afraid.
Good.
Good.
That is what we need.
I hope it satisfies Lemnoc.
There's one thing you should know-- sometimes it's good to be afraid.
- Otherwise-- - [ Explosion ] Cosmic storm! Cut all power! - Hang on! - Hang on, Will Robinson! Get inside! Come out of the storm! Oh, no.
Now he'll never let them go.
I failed.
I failed! It's all over.
You don't have to hang on anymore.
What is all over? How can I tell you if you went through all that without knowing what it was? - I'm willing to learn.
- You can't learn what you can't feel.
Even if you could, it would take too much time.
I've only got a few hours left.
[ Sighs ] Well, Robot, let's go see what happened to them.
Affirmative.
Do you think they're dead, Robot? They are duplicates, Will Robinson which means they have never actually lived.
Therefore, they cannot die.
However, it is possible that their mechanisms can be repaired.
I wouldn't know where to start.
As a robot, I have a certain affinity with mechanisms.
I will instruct you.
First, straighten their arms and legs.
- Now what do I do? - Complicated mechanisms frequently become jammed after a sudden shock.
This can often be rectified by a moderate thump as one does to start a stubborn watch which has been wound too tightly.
- You mean I gotta sock 'em? - Thump them, but not too hard.
Here goes.
I believe I have an aching back.
I have learned my lesson well.
If you really do have an aching back, then you have, Dr.
Smith.
Do you have more things to teach us? Do I? Especially when you don't know enough to come in out of the rain.
- Rain? - Okay, cosmic storm.
It's the same difference.
[ Sighs ] If I'm ever gonna see my real family again I'm gonna have to give you fellas a crash course.
- Crash course? - Yeah.
Let's go.
Now, the most important thing you have to learn is not to sit around like a bunch of dummies.
What I mean is, you can't act helpless.
When you're attacked, you have to protect yourself.
You have to fight back.
[ Grunting ] Is it correct? For the others, yes.
For you, no.
You have to stand around moaning and groaning like it's the end of the world.
Moan and groan.
Yes.
Oh, dear, what's to become of me? Oh, dear, what's to become of me? That's pretty good.
Sit.
Now, do you think you can remember what I've taught you? All right.
Let's have a practical demonstration.
When I say that we're being attacked by hostile aliens and monsters you'll do what I told you.
Now, do you think you can do it? All right.
We're being attacked.
- Judy, take Penny below.
- Come, Penny.
I will break out the guns.
It is the end of the world.
Oh, dear, what's to become of me? Activate the force field.
Must I? I am afraid.
Activate the force field.
Now we are ready for them.
That was very good.
Thank you.
What is the next lesson? Well, I've taught you just about everything I know.
I sure hope it satisfies Lemnoc.
- Lemnoc? - Your boss.
- Boss? - Lemnoc, the one who put you here.
I do not know him.
I know only you.
- Warning! Warning! - What is it? It is Lemnoc.
He is here.
All right.
Stand guard, Robot.
I guess you've come to check up on me.
From the little that I was able to observe you did quite well.
But there was some interference which prevented me from seeing more.
Well, that must have been the cosmic storm.
They didn't do too good on that.
But they'll do better if there's ever one on your planet.
Are my sisters, Major West and Dr.
Smith okay? Their condition is good.
Now, I would like to see my duplicates to see what progress you have made.
You see, Mr.
Lemnoc, I've done the best I could with them but they still need a little bit of practice.
And if they're not exactly what you expected them to be I still hope you keep your end of the bargain.
We shall see.
We shall see.
[ Whirring ] Put the gun away.
This is your boss, Mr.
Lemnoc.
No.
He is a hostile alien.
- Seize him.
- Seize him.
[ Chuckles ] You have taught them how to be aggressive.
Excellent.
- Release me.
- You are under arrest.
- But I am Lemnoc.
- You are a hostile alien.
You are the enemy.
You must die.
But I created you.
Without me, you are nothing but dust.
- Order them to release me.
- I thought you controlled them.
Temporarily, they are attuned to you.
If you do not order them to let me go you will not see your sisters and friends again.
[ Duplicate Don ] We are his friends.
[ Duplicate Dr.
Smith ] Yes, indeed, we are his sisters and his friends.
- Boo! - [ Yelps ] You have not taught this one to be anything but a coward.
That's Dr.
Smith all over.
I have learned the lesson well.
I am the bravest coward that ever was.
- Am I not? - Just about.
Mr.
Lemnoc, I'd like to order them to release you but as you can see, I don't trust you any more than you trusted me.
Now, if you want to go free, you're gonna have to release my family right now.
They will be released.
You will find them waiting for you at my control station.
All right.
To make sure of that, you'll stay under arrest till I get back.
Make sure he doesn't get away.
We will make sure he does not get away.
Good.
We have learned everything, master.
- What is your wish? - Get the others.
- Boo! - [ Yelps ] You are not much use to me in your present condition.
But I am just like Dr.
Smith.
I have backaches.
I have colds.
I even know how to get off the hook.
Have you been taught how to navigate their ship? But that is hard work.
Dr.
Smith would never do that except under pressure.
You may be useful to us after all.
I may be useful to us after all.
Yes, master.
Yes, master.
Yes, master.
Yes, mas-- Don! Judy! I knew I shouldn't have trusted him.
[ Don ] Will! - You're all for real, I guess.
- Why should you doubt that? I'll tell you about that on the way to the ship.
Well, at least they don't seem to have done any damage.
- Say, you look like you've seen a ghost.
- You're not too wrong.
That's not Dr.
Smith.
That's his duplicate.
- Are you sure? - I'm positive.
I don't know, Will.
It looks like our Dr.
Smith to me-- sleeping, as usual.
Well, if you're doubtful, Don, just ask the Robot.
It was he who alerted me to the other duplicates in the first place.
Well, if that's the case then our Dr.
Smith is still in a state of suspended animation, right? You know, come to think of it, that's not such a bad idea.
Don, you don't understand.
If he's not revived in a couple of hours, he'll be dead.
Now we've gotta get him out of there.
- [ Vehicle Approaching ] - It's Mom and Dad.
They're back! - [ Chuckles ] - Boy, are we glad you're back.
- [ Chuckles ] - Oh, so are we, at the clip we were traveling.
We started back as soon as we got your message.
Is everything all right? Well, sort of.
Say, uh, what about that barrage? The barrage was only for openers.
Let's go inside the ship-- I'll tell you about the rest of it.
Wait a minute.
What's Smith doing here? Well, that's part of what I have to tell you about.
Shh.
He is catching 80 winks Right, Robot.
We'll tell you, Dad, but not in front of Dr.
Smith.
- [ Sighs ] Okay.
- [ Chuckles ] I could take you with me as a living specimen but, on the other hand one of you is quite enough.
Your hours are numbered, I'm afraid.
[ Whirring ] Deactivate that robot.
Pull his power pack.
[ Groans ] Now go.
Learn all that you can about their ship.
We've got to find a way of blasting through to the control chamber without any-- I see you are all busy with your work.
Work is such a healthful pursuit for those who like work.
I do not, as I'm sure you know, you know, you know, you know, you know-- He deactivated the Robot.
Correct me if I am wrong, but these, I believe, are your thruster controls your linear accelerator, astrogator, gyro.
I think I could fly this vehicle all alone.
Isn't that nice? You'll never fly it.
Nor will anyone else but ourselves.
[ Maureen ] We know you're not one of us.
So, you can go back to Lemnoc and tell him that we're on to his game.
Go back? I cannot go back.
I have my orders.
I must carry them out.
I cannot leave without permission.
- In that case, we'll take you by force.
- No.
Oh, no.
[ Grunting ] Oh, dear.
Why wasn't I taught to act aggressive like the others? I am so frightened.
Lemnoc told me that duplicates can't live in the presence of those they copy.
You call that living? The Robot and I taught him to act like Dr.
Smith.
It's my fault he's the way he is, I guess.
Let's get some blasting equipment and go up there.
Here.
Activate the Robot.
Bring him in here in case he gives you any trouble.
- All right.
- I'll help you get ready.
Now, cut that out.
Now, go stand in that corner.
I am only trying to complete my assignment.
You're so much like Dr.
Smith, I could almost like you.
But you'd better do as I say.
Now move! Do as you say.
I must do as you say.
Do as you say.
Do as you say.
Do as you say.
Come in.
Come in.
Ah, Professor.
Major, welcome back.
- You had no trouble getting in? - None at all.
Visitors are always welcome.
We've come for Dr.
Smith.
Where is he? Quite comfortable, I believe, in his cryogenous abode.
We want him back, and we want him back now-- before it's too late.
Why would you want so ineffectual an individual among you? - He is utterly useless.
- That would be our problem, wouldn't it? - And you still want him back? - [ John ] We do.
[ Chuckling ] I was counting on that.
And what's that supposed to mean? You have been of much help to my people.
I have already sent the duplicates on their way to help my people survive.
But a symbol of survival would help them even more.
- What do you mean, "symbol"? - Your vehicle.
The Jupiter.
I can see it now with the duplicate Smith at the controls arriving at our planet.
What a stimulus it will be to our creativity! To our future as a people! Do you have any idea how long we'd last without our ship? You have a magnificent instinct for survival.
You would manage.
- The answer is no.
- And we still want Smith back.
Only in exchange for your ship.
[ Wind Gusting ] - Stand away! - Release him! [ Gusting Continues ] [ Grunting ] [ Whirring ] It would have been quite simple to have put you both alongside your precious Dr.
Smith but I prefer to give you both a chance to think things over.
You have a little less than one hour, I believe.
I believe you heard me quite clearly-- a little less than one hour if you wish to save him.
He wouldn't let him go.
I know.
Yes, he said he'd release him on just one condition.
- What was that? - That we let him have the Jupiter 2.
So, you see, son, it was a question of our survival or Smith's.
There was nothing we could do.
Come on.
Let's turn in.
I think I'll stay out here for a while, Dad.
All right.
Don't be too long though.
Have you no sympathy for my aching back? None.
I feel a cold coming on.
Try not to sneeze.
Your mechanism might come loose.
- You're excused, Robot.
- Affirmative.
Thank you.
He was very obstinate.
He even refused to let me sit down.
Duplicates don't get tired.
Perhaps not.
But I like to act as if I were.
Now, let me see.
I still have to learn a little about the propulsion unit.
You're not gonna learn anything around here anymore.
But what about my orders? Your orders are canceled.
- By the master? - By me! Oh, dear.
Lemnoc will be very angry with me.
He will probably want to do away with me.
Oh, the pain, the pain, the pain, the pain, the pain.
Stop acting like Dr.
Smith! You're not Dr.
Smith.
You never were, and you never will be.
I'm sorry I ever taught you anything.
You're just a bunch of cosmic dust! Cosmic dust-- After all I have learned.
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have called you that.
You are pretty smart.
I guess I could have taught you to be just like my dad instead of Dr.
Smith-- except you don't look like my dad.
But I love being like Dr.
Smith.
Well, if it's any satisfaction to you you'll be happy to know that there won't be a Dr.
Smith around here much longer.
You'll be the only one, and you're not gonna be here very long! But while I am here can't I be like the real Dr.
Smith to you? Can't I be your friend? No.
Cosmic dust.
Cosmic dust, cosmic dust, cosmic dust, cosmic dust.
[ Lemnoc ] What are you doing here? I gave you no order.
True, master.
I came here of my own free will.
Ridiculous.
In my presence you have no free will.
Have you learned all there is to learn about their vehicle? No, master.
Actually, I have forgotten all that I did learn.
What? I could send you back to the dust you came from for this.
- Go ahead.
- What did you say? I said, go ahead.
Let's be reasonable about this, Smith.
Maybe I have been a little too hard on you.
Would you like a little more time? A few special privileges? Special privileges? Will you let the real Dr.
Smith go? Are you out of your mind? No, master, I am out of your mind.
Will you let him go? No! In a few minutes, it will be too late.
He will be gone.
Come back here at once! [ Air Hissing ] Do you hear? - [ Whirring ] - Dust! You will turn to dust! [ Electronic Surging ] Go back to your little friend, Dr.
Smith.
Much as I would like to take your place I know it could never be.
[ Screaming ] Come back, I say! [ Air Hissing ] [ Wind Gusting ] I should have listened to the boy.
More can be achieved through friendship than by fear.
Now it is too late.
I don't know where he is, Dad.
We had a quarrel, and I insulted him.
It really doesn't matter, does it? [ Dr.
Smith ] # I'm a-workin' on the railroad ## Ah, my dear friends, how glad I am to see you.
Now, please excuse me, I must be off about my business.
Wait a minute.
What are you doing? - It's Dr.
Smith, all right.
- Are you sure? Of course, I'm Dr.
Smith.
Who did you think I was, some sort of unreasonable facsimile? [ Maureen ] Well, it could happen.
Yes, but for once, I must say, we're all delighted to see you.
Indeed, and so you should be.
There have been moments when I prefer the other Dr.
Smith.
He was nice and polite.
Other Dr.
Smith? Well, that's impossible, you ludicrous lump.
There can only be one Dr.
Zachary Smith, and I am he.
Oh, dear, I'm not getting any reaction.
Hand me the X-Y-Z formula please.
Well, don't just stand there, you nickel-plated nincompoop.
- Get a move on.
- It is impossible to do as you ask because I do not understand what you want.
This is the X-Y-Z formula.
It is? Strange, I thought it was the N-Q-W formula.
A fat lot of help you are.
How's your experiment coming along, Dr.
Smith? Quite nicely, my dear.
Success is almost within my grasp.
What are you trying to make here, Doctor a new kind of chicken soup? Spare me the feeble jokes, Major.
They are typical of your crude humor.
However, if you must know I have invented a new type of rocket fuel for the Jupiter 2.
Really? Well, we could sure use it, but without deutronium it can't work.
And we don't have any.
There is enough deutronium here to get us to Earth and back, if necessary.
I've never seen it in liquid form before.
A scientific breakthrough of my own, Professor.
Discovered with the help of his brilliant assistant.
Silence, you bungler.
Yes, I have accomplished the impossible.
I have discovered a way to get us off this unhappy and unhealthy planet.
Dr.
Smith, uh, before we go placing a laurel wreath upon your noble brow - I've got a question.
- You always have, Major.
Well, we've been trying for months to get off of this planet.
Why didn't you dream up this rocket fuel before? The answer is quite simple.
I had not yet reached the depths of despair.
When a man is driven to the limits of his endurance he must act or perish.
When will your experiment be completed, Dr.
Smith? One final, simple step, and I am ready.
This I've got to see.
Now then, we are ready to test our new fuel formula.
I will add the liquid deutronium to this engine.
Well, it seems that your experiment isn't working, Doctor.
- Look! - [ Robot ] Warning! Extreme danger! Explosion imminent! - No, it can't be! - Everybody, run!