Love, Victor (2020) s01e03 Episode Script

Battle of the Bands

1
VICTOR: Well, Simon, I
don't know what's going on,
because I thought I might be like you,
but lately I've been
hanging out with Mia,
and I really like her,
which is confusing,
so I've been doing research.

Like, a lot of research.

And sexuality is a spectrum.

Some guys like guys,
some guys like girls,
some guys like both,
and some guys like feet?
I'm not even sure what I like,
but it's definitely not feet.

So, I think I'm gonna give
things with Mia a chance.

I feel really connected
to her, and who knows?
I didn't think I was gonna like the
Impossible Burger until I had one,
and it was actually pretty good.

So, maybe Mia's my Impossible Burger.

Mia?
- [CLANGING.]

- Oh! Victor.

You really shouldn't sneak up on people
who are holding tools that
can melt your face off.

I mean, unless you're in the market
for a cool, intimidating scar.

- Ah.
Maybe I am.

- [CHUCKLES.]

So, you weld?
Uh, more like fail to weld.
This
is my dad's crème brûlée torch.

Well, um, it's cool, whatever it is.

A sculpture.

Something big enough to make a shadow.

I like that.

I actually stole that line
from this old lady sculptor
named Gertrude Barnstone.

She wanted to create things that
were big enough to make shadows,
and I don't know, take
up space in the world.

You know? Uh, sorry.

I get really worked up
about artists I like.

- I know it's lame.

- No.
It's not.

I love old lady sculptors.

- I actually have all the trading cards.

- Oh.
Oh, yeah?
Hey, Mia, would you wanna go on a date?
There's this Battle of the Bands
thing at the coffee shop I work at.

That's perfect.

Uh, yeah.
'Cause, well, Lake
and I were were gonna
were gonna go, but she'll understand.

Great.

Well, I'll let you get back to it.

Please don't melt your
face off before our hang.

It's, uh, it's a really good face.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING.]

Yeah ♪
Waiting for the time ♪
Waiting for the place ♪
And I, I, I ♪
I, I need ♪
Somebody to tell
me it'll be all right ♪
Somebody to tell
me it'll be just fine ♪
If someone has been there
before, say it right now ♪
'Cause I just need to hear it ♪
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING.]

Good morning.

Bebita.
Wow, you are lookin' good.

Good?
This is two hours of
makeup and a full blowout.

The only adjectives I want
to hear are stunning,
gorgeous, and [GASPS.]

I'm making Mom a Facebook profile
so she can keep in contact
with everyone back in Texas.

Oh, Pilar.
That is so nice of you.

- She's paying her.

- And there it is.

- Yeah.

- ARMANDO: Where's Victor?
Basketball practice.

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING.]

You know, maybe we should, uh,
take this new look out on the town.

Show it off.

- Yeah?
- You went through all this trouble.

- Take you to dinner.

- All right.

Pilar, can you watch your brother?
Or do you have other plans?
I was gonna watch Scream
on FaceTime with Eric,
but then he brutally dumped me,
and destroyed my ability to love
another human, so, no.
No plans.

- Can someone else watch me?
- [LAUGHS.]
No.

Hey, Diane.
Love the bangs.

ANDREW: What you in for?
Oh.
Andrew.
Uh,
I gave the frog I was
dissecting a smoky eye.
You?
I pantsed Coach Ford in practice.

Turns out he doesn't wear underwear.

We saw everything.

[SCOFFS.]

GEORGINA [OVER TV.]
: Tonight,
on the five o'clock news,
would you shop at a haunted supermarket?
I'm Georgina Meriwether.

Stay peachy, Atlanta.

Is it, like, weird seeing
your mom on TV?
Uh, the TV part you get used to,
but not the randos coming up
to us in public, and being like,
"Will you say it?" And she's
all, like [CHUCKLES.]

"No, no, no.
I, I couldn't
possibly.
Stay peachy, Atlanta".

Hey, are you going to
Battle of the Bands?
Yeah.
Teddy and Kieran are performing.

They do heavy metal covers of
prescription drug side effects.

They're called "Pharmaceutakill".

[CHUCKLES.]
That's random.
Uh,
well, I was supposed to go with Mia,
but now she's going on a date
with Victor, or whatever.

What? She is?
Uh, yeah.
Why are you
so pressed about it?
No, I'm not.
I just don't know
what she sees in that kid.

Well, he's hot,
he's kind, he's smart,
he's good at sports,
great skin, his eyes
twinkle, he smells good,
and I bet he's nice to animals.

I'm nice to animals.

What kind of psychopath
isn't nice to animals?
Well, regardless, tonight's the
night it all begins for them.

Next thing you know, they'll
fall in love and get married,
and have a slew of
gorgeous, bilingual babies.

Well, maybe we should double.

We go together.
They go together.

- Really?
- Yeah.
Why not?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'd, I'd love to.
Humph.

I knew this would be my year.

I didn't mean to say that out loud.

I have the ultimate plan to
win Lake's heart, and brain,
and if I'm lucky, all of
her other organs, too.

Check it out.
Battle of
the Bands.
I'm performing.

- You're in a band?
- No, no, I'm a DJ,
which is even better, because a
DJ makes music into more music.

I didn't know you were a DJ.

Well, there's a lot of things you
don't know about me, Victor.

I sponsor a manatee named
Jessica, I'm a meme in Japan,
I make my own shampoos.

Damn it.
I just spoiled
your birthday gift.

[VICTOR CHUCKLES.]

Have you ever performed before?
Not in front of people
who aren't my mom, no.

But I've been practicing for
months, and I'm definitely ready.

All that's left to do is
to figure out my look.

You're getting a haircut?
No, I just got one.
My DJ disguise.

Like Daft Punk,
or, uh, Deadmau5, or Mrs.
Doubtfire.

- Mrs.
Doubtfire wasn't
- Not a DJ, but such a good disguise.

Well, I can't wait to
see what you land on.

I'll be there with Mia.

On a date.
[CHUCKLES.]

[LAUGHS.]
Yes! All right! Well,
you can't spell "stud" without
- you.

- [BELL RINGS.]

- Never do that again.

- Understood.

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING.]

Hey, good work today.

- You caught on fast.

- Thanks.

I had fun.
Except for this music.

Five hours of nonstop
easy listening is actually
not so easy to listen to.

Ugh, I know.

If I hear one more gentle song
about a girl forgiving her dad,
I will lose my mind.

I know, right.
It's like, people
drink coffee to wake up.

Yeah.
Well, Sarah's not here,
so if you have your phone,
I could connect it to the
speakers and play something.

Um, yeah.
Yeah, sure.

[SNICKERS.]

"Baby Shark" is your
most listened to song?
I play it for my little brother.

And I may also find its
predictability soothing.

[BOTH LAUGH SOFTLY.]

["CALL ME MAYBE" BY CARLY
RAE JEPSEN PLAYING ON PHONE.]

And this is crazy ♪
But here's my number ♪
[SINGING ALONG.]
So call
me maybe [LAUGHING.]

Okay, you're making fun of me right now.

"Call Me Maybe" was my
jam when I was little.

I made up this whole dance
just to crack my mom up.

[LAUGHS.]
Okay.
Let's see.

- See what?
- Your dance.
Come on.

All I remember is it involved
a lot of spinning, and
- rump shaking.

- Mm.

Oh, like, like, like this?
I didn't know I would feel it ♪
No, no, no, no.
No.

Like this.
You gotta put more
rump in it.
You gotta go
- Oh.
I have to put more Okay.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- [LAUGHING.]

- Where you think you're going baby? ♪
Hey I just met you ♪
- VICTOR: Whoa! [LAUGHS.]

- And this is crazy ♪
But here's my number ♪
- [PHONE DINGS.]

- Oh.

Your Ferris wheel boo is texting you.

Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]

- [PHONE BLOOPS.]

- What's the deal with you two, anyway?
I don't know.
She's cool.

Um, we're going out tomorrow to hang.

Nice.
You should bring her here tomorrow
for the Battle of the Bands.

And then cheer for my band.

Loudly.
I'm, uh, very insecure.

You're in a band?
Yeah.
Lead singer.

[SILVERWARE CLATTERS.]

You and Mia can come hang backstage
after the show.
If you want to.

And by backstage, I mean
the parking lot next door.

[LAUGHS SOFTLY.]

VICTOR: See, Simon, I want tomorrow
night to be about me and Mia.

But I can't do that if Benji's there
with his tight T-shirts,
and his dumb smile.

Uh, we're doing something
else tomorrow.
Sorry.

Oh.
Well, maybe next time.

[SIGHS.]

[EXHALES.]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]

You brought me to an art show.

Yeah.
I saw this ad for an
"Art of the Future" exhibit,
and you're an artist of the
future, so, I just thought
- If you think this is totally lame
- No.
I think this is totally sweet.

You can touch this.

Wow, it's so weird.
It's like,
soft but rough at the same time.

It's like, also kind of wet.

This sculpture is an
undigested ball of trash,
pulled from a whale's rectum.

I'm sorry.

I thought this was more
about up-and-coming artists,
and less about the destruction
of life as we know it.
[CHUCKLES.]

Well, this whole gallery
can't be about that, right?
Mm.
This is actually really
- powerful.

- POLAR BEAR: Roar!
Oh, my God!
POLAR BEAR: I swallowed
trash, and now I am dead.

[THUDS.]

Is this entire exhibit animals
who swallowed trash?
- [CROWD CLAPPING.]

- SARAH: Thank you.
Thank you.

Now, a short break while we change sets.

[ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING.]

Lake, I'm so glad you came.

You look amazing.
You,
I You look good.

Thanks.
Um
You [CHUCKLES.]

- Felix.
Yeah.

- Oh.

Yeah.
Yeah, I knew.

Can't wait for you to hear my
fire beats.
Waka-waka.
[LAUGHS.]

Cool.
Good luck with that.

- Bye.

- Uh
Hey.
I got us a table.

Huh? Oh.
Yeah.
No.

I just love sitting.

- [BOTH LAUGH.]

- That is so funny.

- You should do stand-up.

- [LAUGHS.]

Hey, where are Mia and Victor?
Oh, uh, yeah, they're,
they're not coming.

They decided to go to
some art gallery instead.

They're not coming? Thought
we were all supposed to hang.

Well, they bailed, but we don't
need them to have fun, right?
Right.
Right.
Hey, have
fun at your fart gallery.

[LAUGHS.]
Oh, my God.

Is this an open mic?
You are killing me.


- [GULPING.]

- ISABEL: Mm.

- Ooh!
- [ISABEL LAUGHS.]

Yeah.
I like dropping little drinks
into bigger drinks and
then drinking them.

- Who knew?
- Ah, this is really nice.

- Thank you for taking me out, Armando.

- Oh, it's my pleasure.

And glad we're getting to
see a little bit of Atlanta.

Yeah.
I'm really
starting to like it here.

Ooh, here we go.

- Thank you.

- Mm.

- [LAUGHS.]

- [ARMANDO CHUCKLES.]

You sure we can't ask them
to cook it just a little?
No! Then it wouldn't be sushi.

- Mm.

- Okay.

Okay, I'm gonna fix you a bite.

- Ready?
- All right.

- Hmm.

- Well?
Actually, that yeah,
that's delicious.

- You see? Told you.

- [LAUGHS.]

I can't believe I got you
to a sushi restaurant.

[LAUGHS.]
Well, I like it.

- It's a new city
- Mm-hmm.

New food.

It's a brand new start.

- [CRUNCHES.]

- Mm.

May cause drowsiness, dermatitis ♪
- Headache ♪
- Sore throat ♪
- Fever ♪
- Acid reflux ♪
- Trouble sleeping ♪
- Dizziness, diarrhea ♪
That one is called "Cyclobenzaprine".

And it goes out to all you lovely
ladies in the audience tonight.

- TEDDY: Thank you.

- KIERAN: Thank you!
Well, that was
distressing.
Next up is
DJ F-Bomb.

GIRL: Woo!
FELIX: All righty.

Oh, there's the keyboard.

This one goes out to
a very special lady.

["BUTTER" BY TIA P.
PLAYING.]

Ah ♪
Yo, I got that formula that make
you wanna dance, dance, dance ♪
[ALL CHEERING.]

[SONGS OVERLAPPING.]

FELIX: Damn it!
[SONGS MIXING, CLASHING.]

FELIX: Um, oh! Oh! Oh!
- [FELIX MUTTERING.]

- [HORN BLARES.]

Sorry, um, technical difficulties.

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]

Who is that?
I'm not sure, but the bomb is bombing.

- [CHUCKLES.]

- FELIX: Ugh!
[SPEAKERS DRONING, SQUEALING.]

- [FEEDBACK.]

- Uh
- Yeah!
- [AUDIENCE BOOING QUIETLY.]

- [LAUGHS SOFTLY.]

- SARAH: Thank you, DJ F-Bomb.

- [CROWD CHATTERING SOFTLY.]

- So, has, has Mia texted?
No.
Why would she?
I mean, I already told you,
she's on a date with Victor.

What's your deal?
Are you, like [SCOFFS.]

in love with her or something?
[SNICKERS.]

Did you invite me here tonight
just so you could be around Mia?
'Course not.

Wow.
You're lying.

I actually thought you
wanted to hang out with me.

Lake, I think you're overreacting
No, do you know, I've spent basically
my whole life being known as
Georgina Meriwether's daughter?
But tonight, I thought I
was finally hanging out
with a guy who was interested
in spending time with me.

You know what? I get it.

I get why you like Mia.
Mia is awesome.

But I'm awesome, too.

And I'm just so tired of waiting
for someone to finally realize that.

Also, you're really not that funny.

I'm just a good actress.

Another awesome thing about me.

Okay.

Oh.
I don't mind this.

Maybe this is where you come to
reflect on all the bad art you've seen.

[CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.

Yeah, this art might be brutal, but
at least these artists are like, brave
enough to show it.
[CHUCKLES.]

I'd pick your cool metal sculpture thing
over any of the stuff we saw tonight.

[BOTH CHUCKLE.]

So, um, what do you think?
Worst first date you've ever been on?
Well, um,
actually I can't compare it, because
this is the only first
date I've ever been on.

Come on.
Guys must
ask you out all the time.

No.
Not like this.

I mean, I've hung out
with guys at parties,
but this is the most
date-date I've ever been on.

[BOTH LAUGH SOFTLY.]

Me, too.


[BOTH LAUGH SOFTLY.]

VICTOR: Well, Simon, I kissed Mia,
and it was great.

I even got those little
butterflies in my stomach
people are always talking about.

Okay, can we go to
Battle of the Bands now?
Yeah, we probably should have just done
- that in the first place.

- [BOTH LAUGH.]

God, Mom's friends are all so lame.

No one cares about your kid's
soccer game, Ruth Lapidus.

Can I watch an unboxing video?
No.
I have to finish
making Mom's profile.

Plus, unboxing videos are stupid.

Why do you like watching a stranger's
hands take a toy out of a box?
I pretend the hands are my hands.

[PHONE DINGS.]

- Who's Roger R.
?
- Looks like a pit bull.

- [TAPS.]

- [DINGS.]

Holy shit.

- You said
- I know what I said.

Go to your room and put on "Baby Shark".

Victor makes me listen to
that song.
I don't even like it!

[KEYS CLICKING.]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]

ISABEL: This was really, really nice.

We needed this.

- Yeah, we did.

- Mm-hmm.

We can, uh, try a
different spot next time.

Are you asking me out on a second date?
I am.
[LAUGHS.]

Oh, maybe we can try that,
um, Asian spaghetti spot.

You know, the one we always pass?
Hey, if it's anything like Cup
O'Noodle, I bet I'll love it.

Armando, we have had ramen.

No, we haven't.

Yes! We went to that place
together.
You know, the, um
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Um
Never mind.
I, um, I think
I went with my sister.

But we should try something new.

You love trying new things.

[STRUMMING CHORDS.]

[CHEERING, CLAPPING.]

Hey, Lake.

Asking you here was, um
You know, I shouldn't have
I think the word you're
looking for is "sorry".

Yes.
That.

Um, I
You know what, I just I don't get it.

If you liked Mia, why
didn't you just ask her out
sometime in the 15 years you've
known her, and she was single?
It's complicated.

You won't tell her, right?
No.
She's too happy right now.

She doesn't need your drama.

Thanks.

And you were right
by the way, about what you said.

You are awesome.
And
one day, there's gonna be a
guy who doesn't need to be
told how awesome you are.

And whoever he is, uh, he's very lucky.

Hey.
Uh, I'm sorry you had to see that.

Oh.
Uh, I don't even
think I saw you perform,
but, um, I'm sure you're better
than that DJ with the bowling ball head.

[BOTH CHUCKLE.]

No, yeah, of course
I was better than him.

- He, uh, he sucked.

- Oh, sucked,
which is a total bummer,
because I actually love DJs.

They make music into more music.

I always say that.

Well, great minds, Felix.
Great minds.

- You know my name.

- Mm, yeah, I do.

Hey, man.

Hey.
You made it.

I'm sorry we missed your set, man.

Did we miss everything, or
Oh, I think the winner
gets to play an encore,
so at least we'll get to see
whoever was least terrible.

- [BOTH CHUCKLING.]

- [MICROPHONE FEEDBACK.]

SARAH: All right, hello.

And the winner is
not a big shocker, since they were
the only ones who were halfway decent:
The Sticky Beaks.
Come
on out here, guys.

[CHEERING, CLAPPING.]

Woo! Benji, take your shirt off!
What? We're all thinking it.

BENJI: Uh, thanks guys.

This is a cover that we
just started working on.

[PLAYING ACOUSTIC VERSION OF "CALL
ME MAYBE" BY CARLY RAE JEPSEN.]

I threw my wish in the well ♪
Don't ask me, I'll never tell ♪
I looked at you as it fell ♪
And now you're in my way ♪
I beg and borrow and steal ♪
At first sight and it's real ♪
I didn't know I would
feel it, but it's in my way ♪
Your stare was holding ♪
Ripped jeans, skin was showin' ♪
Hot night, wind was blowin' ♪
Where you think you're going, baby? ♪
Hey, I just met you ♪
And this is crazy ♪
But here's my number,
so call me maybe ♪
It's hard to look right ♪
At you baby ♪
But here's my number ♪
So call me maybe ♪
ISABEL: Oh.
Hey.

How'd it go here?
Great.

I didn't finish setting up your account.

There were some problems.

Oh.
Okay.

BENJI: It's hard to look right ♪
At you, baby ♪
SIMON: Well, Victor,
I'm really glad to hear
that you liked kissing Mia.

Maybe she is your Impossible Burger.

So call me maybe ♪
SIMON: And you're right.

Kissing is pretty great.

But for me, it's more
than just butterflies.


It's like those jet fighters
that fly over the Super Bowl.

- [JET ENGINES ROARING.]

- [HEARTBEAT PULSING.]

Hey.

SIMON: Or like, getting
hit by a huge wave.

Uh, hey.
You guys ready to go?
- LAKE: Yes.

- Uh, yeah.
Yeah.

["ATHLETE" BY GREYSON CHANCE PLAYING.]

You are, you are, you are ♪
I hope your heart is on a timer ♪
'Cause when it's runnin'
then it's runnin' me ♪
Even when you just call ♪
You reach through the phone, and
you wrap your soft hands around me ♪
You are an athlete ♪
And I need you the most,
and I want you on my team ♪
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