McMillan & Wife (1971) s01e03 Episode Script

The Easy Sunday Murder Case

(Enright) Hold it.
Police.
[gun firing] [tires screeching] Quick, into the car.
There's no way to turn around, sir.
Reverse.
Hurry up.
Yes, sir.
Use my gun, sir.
904, 904, Code 2, Code 2.
Marina Drive.
[tires screeching] [police siren wailing] All right, out of the car.
Come on, let's go.
(Enright) Beautiful shot, sir.
Right in the tire.
(Mac) I was aiming for the windshield.
There's just one thing I've got to know, sir.
How did you know it was the Mulaney brothers? Well, the important thing is we caught 'em.
Oh, no, sir, the important thing is you've made my weekend.
The Chief said if we cracked this case, I was invited to his houseboat.
Two days in sun.
Closed eyes, open beer, and you're welcome, too, sir.
No, I've got something far more exciting to do.
(Mac) Saturday brunch at my mother-in-law's.
I think it's very sweet of my mother to have us over for brunch today.
It's very sweet of your mother to have us over for brunch today.
Why are you acting this way? What way? As though you had to go to the dentist.
Every time you have a dental appointment, you get that look.
And don't ask me what look.
You know what look.
As if I'd rather be going anyplace else on earth.
Exactly.
Anyplace, that is, except my mother-in-law's for Saturday brunch.
You like my mother.
I adore your mother.
Everybody knows I only married you to be next to your mother.
She's a warm, charming, delightful woman, and I love her desperately.
But she's the world's worst cook.
If she weren't my mother-in-law, I'd have her arrested for what she does in the kitchen.
She could get 1 to 1 0 for her tuna fish casserole.
[chuckling] You're exaggerating.
[doorbell ringing] [both moaning] You've still got it.
I have? Mmm-hmm.
Imagine an old married lady like me and I still hear bells when you kiss me.
What's even more amazing, I hear bells when he kisses you.
Hello, Mother.
Hello.
Hi, Mom.
Hi.
Come on in.
You're just in time, I just took the muffins out of the oven.
And it's such a lovely day.
I thought we'd eat on the terrace.
Oh, what a nice idea.
It'll be like a picnic.
9-to-5 even the ants don't show up.
You wanna bet? Did you say something? Oh, Mother, it was nothing important.
It was just Mac making another one of his indecent propositions.
Man's terribly over-sexed.
How delightful.
How about we have a toast? May we all be in heaven 30 minutes before the Devil knows we're dead.
Skoal.
Here's mud in your eye.
I thought it was a wonderful toast.
Enright taught it to me.
It's lrish.
He taught me a curse.
You want to hear it? It's a corker.
What's a brunch without a curse? May you die and be reincarnated as a chandelier.
A chandelier? To hang by day and burn by night.
[chuckling] That's lrish? Jewish.
Oh? Enright gets around.
Thanks, Mother.
Now I know who you leveled that curse at.
I heard that, Mac.
You haven't even given my eggs a chance.
That makes both of us.
You'll like them.
I put in something new.
[laughs] The shells? Doesn't everyone? Ah, my favorite, shoelaces and eggs.
Half right.
Try again.
Okay.
Shoelaces and I give up.
Shall we? Must we? [sighs] You certainly raised him properly.
It wasn't easy.
Time was you couldn't take him anywhere.
Must've been terrible for you, dear.
How is it that all women have a capacity for making a full-grown, mature male feel as though he's only eight-and-a-half years old? Oh, did you see, we got our pictures in the Daily Post? At the charity ball.
It looks like I have a double chin.
(Emily) Nonsense, it's just a shadow.
Doesn't Mac look nice in his tuxedo? Oh, I almost forgot.
The editorial's about Mac.
(Sally) What does it say? They were commending Mac for his speech the other night at the Chamber of Commerce.
(Emily) Something about, um Uh, no, thank you.
cracking down on police corruption.
What police corruption? Leave it to the Daily Post.
It came to my attention that off-duty cops never get traffic tickets.
And I'm against that kind of favoritism.
I don't care who it is behind the wheel, a moving violation is a moving violation.
If anything, we've got to be tougher on ourselves and each other.
Because we're supposed to be setting an example, thank you very much.
Bravo.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Don't be.
He loved it.
It had nothing to do with police corruption.
The Post just burns me up.
[doorbell ringing] Who's that? Excuse me.
It really is pretty awful, isn't it? If the chickens knew about your mother, they wouldn't even bother laying the things.
I didn't know that Betty Crocker married Attila the Hun.
Did you? (Emily) Oh, Francesca, that's awful, dear.
(Francesca) I'm just beside myself, Emily.
Of course you are.
Wait.
Uh, this is my friend, Francesca Fairborn.
She lives downstairs, in 9A.
It seems Francesca's dog has been kidnapped.
Kidnapped? Dognapped? Is that a word? How do you know your dog just didn't get lost? I mean, have you checked with the pound? I don't need to.
I received a ransom note.
That's why I brought my troubles to my friend Emily, here.
I don't keep that kind of money in the apartment.
Francesca, this is my daughter, Sally, and her husband, Stewart McMillan.
Yes, yes.
How much are they asking? A hundred.
Yeah, it's become a real problem.
A lot of drug addicts have been stealing dogs and then selling them back for $100, $200.
$100,000.
$100,000? For a dog? Not just a dog.
It is the Princess Anastasia.
Why, even the Queen of England doesn't have a lineage like hers.
$100,000.
Can you describe her? Oh, she Her breed is Pekinese.
Her coat is cinnamon.
With just a touch of fawn.
You mean brown? It has the luster of silk.
Oh, and the way she walked, so dainty.
So [sobbing] A true princess.
From your description, Mrs.
Fairborn, I'm sorry, but all I seem to be able to understand is that unless you really knew your dog, it would look pretty much like your everyday, uh, cinnamon Pekinese.
Perhaps, it would help if I described my husband George.
He is 6 feet tall, he has curly hair and blue eyes.
You've lost me.
I mean, why would it help us find your dog if we knew what your husband looked like? Oh, they took him, too.
[Mac reading] When did you receive this? I found it in my mailbox shortly before I went up to Emily's.
How long has Mr.
Fairborn been missing? Well, George was taking Anastasia to see Dr.
Carmichael, for a checkup this morning.
But actually, the last time I saw either of them was about 8:00 last night.
I wasn't feeling well and l--I took a sleeping powder.
Anastasia-- Um, Mrs.
Fairborn, about your husband Come.
Where did I put Oh, yes.
Here is the Princess.
And I have others, too.
What a lovely bed you have here.
We enjoy it.
Oh, the poor, sensitive darling.
I know she won't sleep a wink till I get her home again.
Mrs.
Fairborn, you don't seem to realize that your husband's life is in danger.
Here is a picture of the Princess, when she was just three months old.
Would you by any chance, have a photograph of [sneezes] (Sally) Gesundheit.
Iying around? [sneezes] Of whom? Your husband.
Oh, of course not.
Well, now, wait, just a moment.
I think I may have one in the living room.
Please, might we adjourn? I would like to adjourn.
I don't want the Princess to return to a germ-laden boudoir.
She is so susceptible.
Please.
Do come.
[continues sneezing] (Francesca) Do hurry, please.
There he is.
Holding Anastasia.
It has been a great comfort for me to share the Princess at this time of anguish.
It's almost like having her here with me.
Thank you, Mrs.
McKenzie.
Thank you, Mr.
McKenzie.
The name, Mrs.
Fairborn, is not McKenzie, it's McMillan.
Stewart McMillan.
How nice.
I'm the Commissioner of Police.
Police? Oh, well, I assume you will treat this matter with confidence.
It is a police matter, you understand.
You are in my home because you are Emily's son-in-law.
You are privy to certain confidences because of that relationship, not because you are a Police Commissar.
Uh, Commissioner.
Whatever.
Not being a member of the criminal element, it is of no interest to me who is on the police force.
Good day.
A kidnapping, Mrs.
Fairborn, is police business.
Now if you don't mind, I would like to take this ransom note down to police headquarters for laboratory analysis.
I most certainly do mind.
I can assure you that the police will do nothing to interfere with-- The police are already interfering.
Now if you will excuse me.
Where are we going? To see Yeakel, I hate to ruin his weekend.
Watch your fingers.
Why? This isn't my day.
Why? Why isn't it my day or why do I hate to ruin his weekend? The latter.
Why are we dashing off to see him? Well, granted, he's not much to look at, but he is my chief of police.
Yes, but why're we going to see him now? Because it's Saturday and it's a perfect time to discuss a kidnapping.
Uh-uh, Mrs.
Fairborn doesn't want the police involved.
I heard her, Sally.
With these ears of mine I heard her.
It just so happens that these ears are attached to the Commissioner of Police.
I know, darling.
Very nicely, too.
But they also belong to Emily's son-in-law and that's who Mrs.
Fairborn was confiding in.
It's the kidnappers who don't want the police involved.
Bank robbers and murderers feel exactly the same way.
They think we're a real nuisance, too.
It's just, Mac, that morally No, l--l--I think I mean ethically Oh, you know what I mean.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
You know what I mean? I know what you mean.
But Mrs.
Fairborn wasn't talking to the police.
She was talking to you.
Stewart McMillan.
Wrong again.
She was talking to some guy named McKenzie.
You have a very unfair way of winning an argument.
Thank you.
Mac, you said it yourself, she was talking to a man named McKenzie.
So, in a sense you were wiretapping, only without the wire.
We'll argue the ethics of plain old wiretapping later.
That is, you and Mr.
McKenzie can argue about it, and the Commissar will be busy trying to earn his salary.
I don't want to discuss it anymore.
That's because you know I'm right.
Sally.
I should worry.
I have a clear conscience.
I can sleep at night.
Uh, wait here.
Pardon me.
Yes, sir.
Did you happen to see Mr.
Fairborn this morning? Yes, I believe it was around 9:00 or 9:30.
And did he have his dog with him? Let's see, he checked his mailbox, then he went down to the garage to get his Jaguar.
And as I remember, yes, he did have that thing with him.
What thing? The dog, if you can call that thing a dog.
Me, I got a German shepherd that eats more than that for breakfast.
You can't call that scroungy little thing a dog.
It's more like a pet rat, if you know what I mean? Now, you take my German shepherd.
There's a dog that a man doesn't mind being seen in public with.
I-lf you get what I mean? I believe I do.
A-and his name is Duke.
That's a very nice name.
That's what all his friends called John Wayne, you know.
Duke.
I've--I've heard that.
What time is the mail delivered? About 9:00 or 1 0:00.
But, Duke, that's a name that a man isn't ashamed to acknowledge.
"Hey, Duke.
Roll over, Duke.
Move, Duke.
Kill, Duke.
" If you get my drift.
It would be well nigh impossible not to see what you mean or to get your drift.
If you see what I mean? Thank you.
Nice fellow.
I think he gets what I mean.
You're not heeling.
Oh, very funny.
[car engine starting] Where're we going? Yeakel's houseboat.
Mrs.
Fairborn said that-- Sally, I thought we had that all settled.
I will not be party to a breach of ethics.
Are you telling me you won't drive me to Yeakel's? I will not drive the Police Commissioner to Yeakel's.
I will not be party to a-- Okay.
Saint Sally of Assisi, I'll drive.
Ha! [engine starting] If you were kidnapped, I wouldn't involve the police.
I'd just pay the money.
All that would matter to me would be your safety.
You, of all people, Sally, should know better.
The police would never do anything to jeopardize the victim's safety.
It's police policy to stay in the background until the victim is safe.
Mac? I don't want to discuss it anymore.
I know, darling, but I think he would like to discuss something with you.
He who? He him, that's who.
Oh.
He says to go there, Mac.
Did you bring your license? Yes, I have my license.
I'm afraid you missed the turnoff for the lndianapolis a couple of blocks back, fellow.
Is that so? Yeah.
Boy, the way you were zippin' down that highway Uh, you're the Commissioner, aren't you? Sure is a nice day, isn't it? Very nice.
Nice day for a drive.
I mean, on a day like this, I guess anybody would just like to go zipping along the highway.
Was I speeding? Well, we don't want to make a federal case out of it.
Have a nice day, Commissioner.
Officer? Uh, yes, sir.
Aren't you gonna write me up? Write you up? You're aware of my recent edicts? Oh, yes.
You mean, about no favoritism, uh, when it comes to, uh, traffic violations.
Yeah, that's the one.
Oh, yes, l--l-- I'm quite aware of it, sir.
Uh, I've read it several times.
Didn't you think I meant it? Oh, yes, sir, of course you did, sir.
Well, then write me up.
Sure you won't have any afterthoughts? I mean, people do change their mind.
No, I won't change my mind.
It's human nature to change your mind.
Officer, you were doing your duty.
Oh, yes, sir.
If you say so, sir.
I'll put you down as being very cooperative.
Oh, thank you.
My pleasure, uh--uh, I mean, i-it's an honor I mean, you're welcome.
Your license will be returned to you at the hearing.
That's part of--of your new system.
Yes, l--I remember.
Well, see you.
Officer? Huh? Oh, the ticket.
Thank you.
I'm so proud of you, you stuck to your guns even when they were aimed at you.
[footsteps approaching] Without a license, you're not allowed to drive.
And, if you recall, I got your license.
I'll drive, Officer.
You got a license, ma'am? Yes, Officer.
Fine.
Well, I'll see you.
I could take a cab.
I'd rather you paid me than some strange cab driver.
I hear the fares have gone up.
We rely on tips.
Please don't fool with the meter while our cab is in motion.
(Enright) Hi, Commissioner.
Hi.
Hi, Mac, Sally.
Hey, come on aboard and have a beer.
Sorry, it's not a social visit.
Oh, what's up? Francesca Fairborn, you heard of her? Oh, sure.
Kidnapping.
Her husband.
They're demanding $1 00,000.
[whistles] The ransom note warned her not to call the police.
That's the way she wants to play it.
That's the way the kidnappers want her to play it, too.
Doesn't she realize the risk she's taking not letting us in on it.
Somebody's got to convince her there are lives at stake here.
Sally, why don't you convince Francesca Fairborn? How can I convince her when I'm not convinced myself? What aren't you convinced of? That the police should be involved.
Oh, Sally, this is a serious crime.
It's just that Mrs.
Fairborn wants to handle this herself.
It seems to me that-- (Yeakel) If Mrs.
Fairborn wants to handle it herself, that lets the kidnappers free to kidnap someone else.
Or to take her money and not return her husband.
Or to just raise the ante.
Does Mrs.
Fairborn want to handle that? He's absolutely right.
Well, he is.
You know, Sally, Your father taught me never to play high-stakes poker with a stranger.
I think the high stake here is a man's life.
I'll talk to my mother.
Maybe she'll swing more weight with Mrs.
Fairborn.
Atta, slugger.
Why don't you do it now? Come on, Enright.
You and me have to see a man about a dog.
Yeah, well, there goes the weekend.
Are you shopping or just looking, sir? Doorman said Fairborn drove a Jag.
This is his.
Have it impounded.
Yes, sir.
(Belinsky) What do you want? Mr.
McMillan is here to see you.
He says it's a police matter.
This is Belinsky.
Dr.
Carmichael's busy.
So am l.
Has Mr.
Fairborn been in today? No, I don't believe so.
The men are on their way to pick up Fairborn's car, sir.
I told them to check out everything completely.
A real thorough check.
You know, fingerprints, carpet stains, ashtrays, tire treads, glove compartment, the whole works.
You know, these guys usually don't leave anything, gesundheit, sir, behind, but it never hurts to give a complete check.
[sneezes] Like the Commissioner's told me many times, police work is merely, gesundheit, sir, the putting together of a thousand little clues into one great big fact.
In fact-- Thank you, Sergeant.
[sneezes] Charles Enright, Sergeant.
(receptionist) How do you do, Enright? You McMillan? I am.
Commissioner of Police.
[sneezes] Well, I'm Dr.
Langston Carmichael.
Whatever it is you have to say, it better be pretty important.
I've got one sick bunny in there.
Has George Fairbunny Fairborn been in here today? No.
He hasn't.
He was supposed to be, that is, the Princess was supposed to come in for her checkup.
But they haven't arrived.
Never even phoned to cancel.
His car is in your parking lot.
Oh, fascinating.
Yes, it is.
Now, if your curiosity is satisfied, we have work to do.
[sneezes] Mr.
McMillan, we're here to cure illness, not to inflict it.
Come, Bernie, we've a bunny to save.
[continues sneezing] Well, it must be a nice business.
How do you mean? Well, even if you lose the patient, you still have the makings of a good stew.
[laughing] Sayonara.
Hello, this is Dr.
Carmichael.
Yes.
The police were just here.
How's it coming? Almost ready, sir.
Make it soon.
Right.
Sally, Mother.
Mrs.
Fairborn, I'm glad you decided to cooperate.
Well, I already rue that decision.
All these strangers milling about everything topsy-turvy.
I only did it for dear Emily.
Have you raised the ransom? Yes, well, nearly.
My attorney, Rudolph Dimrose, is bringing by the final $20,000.
The wiretap's all ready, sir.
It starts automatically.
Oh, good.
Oh, what do we do next? We wait for the phone to ring.
Then we let it ring twice? Then you must keep them talking as long as you can.
Do you understand? Yes.
But don't let them get suspicious.
Play it cool.
Certainly.
Cool.
[phone ringing] [screams] Yes? No, l Oh, for heaven's sake, Lucille, really I can't But No.
I didn't know.
Oh, well, I really had no hope for that marriage in the first place, dear.
Mrs.
Fairborn.
Dear, could you please call me back later? Ciao.
That is Lucille Shorley.
She's the most horrible gossip in the whole world.
My dear, you just should have [phone ringing] seen her going on at Biarritz.
These two people, they absolutely were impossible.
I never talk about-- Mrs.
Fairborn, quickly.
But I told her to call back later.
Yes? (man) Mrs.
Fairborn? Yes.
You got the money? No, I haven't raised the money yet.
Did you call the police? It is Saturday, after all No, I have not contacted the police.
Please, how is my dog? [clicking] He hung up.
Did the voice sound familiar to you? It was a man's voice.
I didn't recognize it.
(Emily) Why don't I make some coffee? I'm sure we could all use some.
Come, show me where you keep everything.
(Francesca) Yes.
I think it's beginning to hit her.
Yes.
Getting the note is one thing.
It's impersonal, Iike something you read about happening to someone else.
And she thought she wanted to handle it herself.
It's hitting me, too.
Knowing there's somebody out there playing a cat-and-mouse game like that.
Maybe we should take you home.
[doorbell rings] (Enright) Who are you? Rudolph Dimrose.
I'm here to see Mrs.
Fairborn.
Oh, Rudolph.
Francesca.
Oh, how dear of you to come.
Rudolf, I'd like you to meet Mr.
and Mrs.
Carlton McKenzie.
For you.
So thoughtful.
And the money.
So difficult to raise on a Saturday.
Made me nervous just carrying such an amount on my person.
The streets have become a virtual jungle.
A virtual jungle.
Come on, Jane, it's time to go back to our tree house.
(Mac) I'll take her home, and I'll be right back.
[door closes] Who does he think he is? Who does he think he is, making a remark like that about our city? What's his name? Dim What's his name? Dim Rose.
Mac? Dimrose! Mac.
Get in-- Get in the car, Sally.
[Sally scatting] He called our city a virtual jungle.
I've checked the other cities, he thinks he's been around all over the place.
He doesn't know what he is talking about.
Mac.
You've forgotten.
You've been grounded, Commissar.
Uh [grunts] I feel so sorry for Mrs.
Fairborn.
It's so cruel, somebody just taking over somebody like that.
I know.
She doesn't care a thing about her husband.
Mac! What? Look! It's that dog, the Princess, and there's a man chasing her.
No, Sally, go after the dog, not the man.
[Princess yipping] You, hold it.
[barking] Princess, heel.
Oh, my heel.
Wait a minute.
Princess, wait a minute.
Princess! Princess, pretty Princess.
Princess.
[barking] Oh, Princess! [gun firing] [gun clicking] Princess.
Princess.
Come here.
Princess! Wait! (Sally) Princess! [barking] Oh, please.
[Sally exclaiming] Hey, Princess.
Hey, Princess.
Come here, Princess.
Come here, Princess.
Princess, little champion, champion, where are you, little champion? Princess.
Princess.
Ooh, ooh, Princess.
Princess.
Hi.
Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Come here.
I got you.
I got you, Princess.
I got you.
(Sally) Mac.
Ah, Sally.
Where's the dog you were chasing? Home, where she belongs.
(Sally) Mac.
Oh, yeah.
Mugged by a Pekinese.
(all) She's a jolly good fellow, she's a jolly good fellow She's a jolly good fellow which nobody can deny [doorbell rings] [continue singing] Hi, Commissioner.
Wait till you get a load of this.
(all) She's a jolly good fellow, she's a jolly good fellow I suppose you know that Her Highness has returned.
What do you make of it, sir? She must have escaped somehow.
Those chasing her got away.
I didn't get a good look at them.
Which nobody can deny Deny, deny, deny Ah, Mr.
McKenzie, champagne? The Princess is back.
[ringing] She's a jolly good fellow which nobody can deny Which nobody can deny // Which nobody can deny // Mrs.
Fairborn, answer the telephone.
Oh, boring.
// Which nobody can deny // // nobody can deny //// [continues ringing] Yes? (man) Mrs.
Fairborn? This is Francesca Fairborn.
$100, 000? Yes, I have collected the entire amount.
You'll get instructions-- No--no, I wouldn't be the slightest bit interested in your instructions.
The one I love is safe, thank heavens.
Say something, darling.
[barks] If you think that philandering fortune-hunter you're holding is worth $100,000, I suggest you keep him.
Ciao.
You wished to handle this case? Well, your wish is granted.
All that matters is the Princess is back.
That and getting her groomed in time for the dog show Sunday.
We were talking about a human being, your own husband.
He was my indulgence.
A momentary lapse in judgment on my part.
Let's say, a cream puff one allows oneself in the middle of an otherwise very, very strict diet.
I'm certain that you understand, don't you, dear? I certainly do, Francesca.
But your husband is in danger.
Never fear.
George is the kind of man who will die in bed.
Shot to death by an irate husband, no doubt.
[both laughing] You were willing to pay $100,000 for this little pile of hair, but not for your own husband? This little piece of hair is worth 100,000 George Fairborns.
[sneezes] Gesundheit.
Gesundheit.
Gesundheit, Mac.
Dear Rudolph, please, would you keep the ransom money until Monday? I don't have a safe.
I wouldn't sleep a wink knowing there was that much money in the apartment.
Francesca, would it be awful of me not to? I don't have a safe at home either, and there have been so many burglaries in my area.
We have a safe.
Uh, don't we, Mac? Yes.
We have a safe.
I'll keep it until Monday.
Under the circumstances, this is indeed very kind of you, Mr.
McKenzie.
McMillan.
Oh.
This belongs to you, I believe.
Would you mind terribly keeping it for me, too? (Dimrose) It isn't all mine, and I would feel better if I knew it was safe.
Until Monday morning, Mrs.
Fairborn.
Thank you.
Mr.
McMillan, we'd appreciate a receipt.
It is $100,000.
And even police commissioners, after all, are only human and therefore subject to temptation.
I know what you mean.
Like right now I'm really tempted to-- Mac.
Give you a receipt.
I presume the count is accurate.
Mrs.
Fairborn, won't you reconsider? The kidnappers might call back, this money could mean the difference.
Now, however you feel about your husband, surely you wouldn't want to be responsible for his death? Well, perhaps, I was a bit hasty, I just [sighs] We are exhausted.
If I could just If we could just lie down, we All right, I'm going to the office.
If they call back, call me right away.
Day or night, please.
Please, will you excuse us? Of course, darling.
Come on, Sally.
Good night, Mom.
Good night, darling.
(Mac) Ann.
Ann.
Mac, it's Saturday.
They're closed.
There is no Ann.
Sure there is, you.
Now, look, do me a favor, Ann? Help me make a lot of calls, will you? Right, Commissioner.
I don't understand.
That woman, would your mother have such a friend? What does she mean, "I'll have to think about it.
" What's there to think about? Doesn't she realize her husband could Could be what? Could be killed, Mac? Of course he could be killed.
Now let's do everything we can.
You know how to use a call directory? No, but it doesn't look too complicated.
Okay, then get me Enright, file room and police garage.
It's getting complicated.
Find all the numbers in the Rolodex.
Mac, where's the Rolodex? Uh, under the typewriter table.
When you get a number, buzz me.
Mac, what's your number? It's in the Rolodex.
Mac, you're impossible.
That's possible.
Mac, another light went on.
What does that mean? What? Oh, it's you.
Hi.
Hi.
Are you getting me a number or not? Yes, I got you Enright, I think.
2-0-0-7.
Hello, Enright? Hello? You disconnected me.
Sally.
Sally.
Sally! Yes? You disconnected me.
I did? Why didn't you answer the buzzer? Nothing buzzed.
Nothing buzzed? It always buzzes.
Why don't you sit here and I'll go in there and try the buzzer, and we will see whether or not it works or not, okay? Okay.
It's a good way to find out.
Are you buzzing me? Yes, dear.
Okay.
You win.
Would you like me to get Enright now? Yes, please.
What's his number? 5-5-3.
I'll get it.
He's not in.
Give me the police garage.
It says the file room.
Okay, the file room.
Here's the file room.
Sammy? Yes, of course I'm in the office.
I want an immediate rundown on Francesca Fairborn George Fairborn, her husband, Rudolph Dimrose, her attorney, and Langston Carmichael, he's a veterinarian, and his assistant, uh, uh, something-sky, Bel-- B-Belinsky, Bernie Belinsky.
Right.
Oh, yes, good.
Send him up.
Enright's here.
Now get me the-- Police garage.
Okay.
Hello? Hey, you're getting good.
Thank you.
But not perfect.
Who am I talking to? Oh, Geoffreys, good.
This is Mac.
By any remote chance, is there an M.
O.
on kidnappers who take dogs [knocking on door] or raise dogs or use dogs or own Pekineses or Pekinei.
(Mac) Find out everything as soon as you can.
I was working on the background checks when you called, sir.
Here they are.
How are you doing, Sergeant? Fine.
Names, addresses, birthplaces, birth dates.
There is something strange about the ransom note, sir.
It read, "We have the one you love.
" I would have written, "We have your husband.
" Well, maybe they thought that she loved him.
Some women love their husbands.
It's been known to happen.
You think they could have known they were going to kidnap him at the dog kennel parking lot, sir? More than likely.
It's a good choice.
Saturday morning, the whole area is deserted.
Someone must have told them.
I will have to run a check on all of Fairborn's friends.
(Mac) Right.
Call me the minute you find anything.
We'll be home all evening.
(Sally) Mildred, Mr.
McMillan might receive an urgent telephone call in the middle of the night.
So, don't be frightened.
We'll take it.
Okay, if that's what you want.
Mac, Mmm? what do you think is gonna happen to him now? He'd be lucky to be run over by a car.
Fairborn? No, Dimrose.
I'm talking about Fairborn.
Oh, well, it's hard to say.
You don't think they'll kill him, do you? Wouldn't that be awful? Mac, you've got to convince Mrs.
Fairborn in the morning.
How could somebody do such a thing to their own husband? Who did what to whose husband? It's nothing, Mildred.
Oh, sure.
And I was born yesterday.
The missus sits here like the guest of honor at a wake talking about some grisly business, and the Police Commissioner tells me it's nothing.
Don't stand on ceremony, Mildred.
Pour yourself a drink and join us.
Uh, no, thanks.
I already have one.
Well, what is it, homicide? Kidnapping.
Oh, yeah? I just finished a kidnapping.
I prefer a good homicide.
Mildred, how can you read those books? Don't they give you nightmares? No, but the newspapers do.
All those unsolved crimes.
Doesn't happen that way in my book.
They always get the guilty party.
No matter how clever they are, they always slip up.
As lnspector Girard always says I love you.
the criminal is a flawed individual.
The problem is simply in discovering that flaw.
There's too much vermouth in that.
Inspector Girard is a wonderful man.
You'd like him.
He lives all alone, except for his faithful housekeeper, Agnes.
Oh, he was married, but his wife was killed in the war.
They were in the Resistance together.
I don't think there's anything going on between him and Agnes, but then, you never know.
I mean, they're both French, you know what I mean? [chiming] Two, five Mac, suppose Mrs.
Fairborn won't change her mind? 1 0, 1 6, 20 I think she will.
I'm worried that the kidnappers might not call back.
25.
Oh, they have to.
I hope you're right.
Strange.
What? You always take your left shoe off first.
Were you aware of that? No.
I will not turn into a creature of habit.
Habits aren't so bad.
Like lying about one's pushups? You've got a bunch of nifty ones, I wouldn't change for the world.
(Mac) You've got some nifty habits, too.
[Sally laughing] Don't you think the kidnappers would try one more time to make a deal? I mean, maybe come down in price? I would.
Would what? Try again.
I mean, they are going to a lot of trouble just to take one "no" for an answer.
Don't you agree? Well, it's hard to say.
Well, the first rule of salesmanship is never take no for an-- Mrs.
Fairborn.
Shut the door, Sally.
Don't touch anything.
Mrs.
Fairborn.
Stay here, Sally.
Sally.
Mrs.
Fairborn.
[whimpering] What's happened? She's dead.
Mac! She's dead.
Oh, Mac.
[phone ringing] Sally, answer the telephone.
Why? If it's the kidnapper, tell him we have the money, and we are ready to go through with the payoff.
Okay, are you ready? Yeah.
Hello.
(man) Mrs.
Fairborn.
No, this isn't Mrs.
Fairborn.
I'm a friend of hers, but don't hang up.
I have the money.
She's had, uh, an accident, but she wants to ransom her husband.
$100, 000? $100,000, that's right.
You'll get your instructions.
When? We'll call you back.
When will you call back? We'll call you back.
No, I'll be here.
He hung up.
Mac, I'm so frightened.
You're doing fine, honey.
Sergeant Enright, please.
What'll I say when they call back? You'll be just fine.
Enright, Francesca Fairborn has been murdered.
Get over here, right away.
[siren wailing] [siren wailing] [sneezes] (Sally) Gesundheit.
Get out of here.
[blowing nose] Sally, that voice on the telephone, did it sound familiar to you? No, I don't think so.
Did it sound like he was talking through a handkerchief or something? Maybe, there was something about it.
I can swear I heard that voice before.
Oh, God bless you, Mac.
Sounds like you are coming down with something.
You've been sneezing like that for two days.
I feel fine.
I must be allergic to that dog.
Hope you're not allergic to me.
[chuckling] It's got to be that dog.
You're not allergic to dogs.
No, I'm not.
Must be that perfumey stuff the vet sprayed on.
You think I sneeze here? You should hear how I sneezed in Carmichael's office.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
That voice on the telephone.
Dr.
Carmichael.
No, no, no, no, his assistant, a guy named [doorbell rings] something-sky.
Prolisky, Berlinsky.
Uh, uh What's the name of the vet's assistant? Bernie Belinsky.
Where is she? She's in the bedroom.
Belinsky is about the same size of the guy I chased.
Enright! Yes, sir.
Sally, could you stay here in case the kidnappers should call? Of course.
Okay.
Enright and I are gonna visit Carmichael.
Okay, maybe I'll call Mother to come and stay with me.
Good idea.
It will be all right.
Just stay out of that bedroom.
You think they'll be open on Sundays? Of course.
A sick bunny doesn't care what day it is.
The question is, sir, why would anyone want to kill Mrs.
Fairborn? It's a good question.
Well, it could have been someone who wanted the $1 00,000 or it could have been the kidnappers.
No, it couldn't have been the kidnappers.
They called after she was dead.
Well, then it must've been someone who was after the money.
That's why that apartment was such a mess.
They didn't know you'd already taken it.
Maybe.
Maybe? That's not a very definite answer.
(Mac) No, but it's a definite maybe.
Belinsky.
Now, just what's going on here? He's dead.
Who would want to do such a thing? I was gonna ask you the same thing.
[growls] (Mac) Did he have any enemies? [sneezes] (Mac) Any friends? I knew little about his personal life.
I can't believe he had any enemies.
Well, he had one.
Yeah.
I see you've already heard.
The animals adored him.
Animals, you know, have a sixth sense.
[grunts] The bugger bit me.
It seems such a long time ago poor Francesca was ringing my bell.
It seems years ago, and it was only yesterday morning.
She had her faults, but she was a friend.
Mother, you shouldn't dwell on it.
How she loved that animal.
I know.
She was so proud, the ribbons, the trophies.
You know what? I am going to enter Anastasia in that dog show.
Oh, Mother.
It was so important to Francesca.
For months that's all she talked about.
You don't know the first thing about dog shows.
I know it's the Nob Hill Dog Show, and I know it's taking place tomorrow afternoon at Civic Hall.
I assume that's all I have to know.
After all, they won't be judging me.
Lucky for Anastasia, you would be best in show, hands down.
Oh, what a daughter.
[ringing] All right, everybody freeze.
Are you okay, Mrs.
McMillan? I'm okay.
Here we go.
Hello? (man) Mrs.
Fairborn.
It's him.
What about the money? Yes, I have the money.
$100, 000? No, I don't have it on me.
But I can get it, though.
When? Tomorrow.
I'll pick it up.
Where? Meet me at the docks.
The docks? No, I'm afraid that would be entirely unsuitable.
The dog show.
The dog show at Civic Hall, 2:00.
Take it or leave it.
Okay, what about the money? What do you look like? Yes, I'll have the money in a paper bag.
What do I look like? What do I look like? Well, I'm a girl.
Oh, well, I am about 5'8" tall.
I have long, brown hair.
Actually, it's not long.
It's long in the back, but kind of shaggy in the front.
I have that new cut.
Looks kind of good.
Question is, sir, was Belinsky-- was Belinsky killed because he was involved in the kidnapping of Mr.
Fairborn or because he was involved with the murder of Mrs.
Fairborn? The answer's probably yes to both.
He was killed because he was involved in the kidnapping and knew about the murder.
(man) Commissioner, your wife is on the phone.
Near the judge's stand? Okay.
Sally.
Mac.
That was just the kidnappers that called.
They wanted me to deliver the money to the docks tomorrow.
Good.
It's isolated.
Yeakel will like that.
(Sally) He will? Makes it easier to maintain surveillance.
Oh.
"Oh?" What do you mean, oh? Oh, I mean, l--I told you what he said.
I didn't tell you what I said.
Oh.
[sighs] I told him that I'd deliver it to the dog show.
Oh.
Well, you're not delivering it.
We'll have a policewoman do it.
Oh, no.
I have to do it.
You see, I described myself.
I even told him about my picture in the paper.
If some other woman shows up, he'll know it's a trap.
It's got to be me.
(Mac) All that confusion, Sally.
All those people, it's too dangerous.
No.
We can't just let Mr.
Fairborn die.
I really don't care what arrangements have been made.
You have no right to use that money, Commissioner.
I think I have.
And I have every confidence that Mr.
Fairborn would back me up in this matter.
I'm certain that he would.
But speaking as executor of Mrs.
Fairborn's estate, I can assure you that he is not one of the heirs and would be in no position to make restitution, should the ransom not be recovered.
When I last spoke with Mrs.
Fairborn, she indicated a change of heart.
I got the impression that she'd decided to ransom her husband.
I disagree.
But morally-- I am not a priest, Mrs.
McMillan.
I'm a lawyer.
And, legally, I'm saying that your husband will be held responsible if anything should happen to that money.
Are you prepared for that contingency? Tell me, if the kidnappers decide to kill Fairborn, are you prepared to accept the responsibility for his death? Come on, Sally.
[door closes] [dogs barking] Now, don't be nervous.
I won't.
Just be cool.
You'll be under surveillance at all times.
I know.
Don't be scared.
There's nothing to worry about.
If you tell me one more time there's nothing to worry about, I'm going to begin to worry.
It's nearly 2:00.
Mrs.
McMillan, now, you be very, very careful, there's nothing to worry about.
Thank you, Sergeant.
Here I go.
Thanks, Mac.
She's quite a girl.
She's got the moxie of a Marine.
Yeah, but some legs on that Marine.
Well, I mean, even without the moxie, she'd still be quite a Marinegirl.
[dogs barking] (man on PA system) Francis, please report to the Superintendent's office.
[all chattering] Albert McTaggart report to Silky Terrier Ring Number Two.
Collie dogs to be judged next in Ring Number four.
Margaret Wells, last call for German shepherd Number 52.
H i, Mom.
[exclaiming] Act casual.
Good luck, Anastasia.
Be careful, dear.
Judge John Dillon, Ring Number seven.
Calling old English sheepdog Number 24 to Ring Number three.
Francis, please report to the Superintendent's office.
Hello, Doc.
How's your bunny? Oh, very well, thank you.
Come, Shirley.
Albert McTaggart to report to Silky Terrier Ring Number Two.
What's the matter, sir? I think Carmichael uses dog spray for cologne.
Look, I'm gonna go around that way again.
[exclaims] Excuse me.
Yes.
Mrs.
McMillan? Yes.
Collie dogs to be judged next in Ring Number Four.
Fellow told me there's a phone call for you in the lobby.
Oh, thank you.
You're welcome.
Margaret Wells, last call for German shepherd Number 52.
Obedience dogs Number 81, 95 and 27, Ring Number Five.
[dogs barking] Judge John Dillon, Ring Number Seven.
[all screaming] Sally.
Stop that man! Stop that man! Stop that dog! Dog! Dog! Hey, you're one of ours! Stop that man! Sally, you all right? He got the money, Mac, there he is! (Sally) There he goes, Mac.
The man in the red coat.
Hey, you! Stop! Somebody stop that man! [dogs barking] On your feet.
You're under arrest.
Hey, what's going on here? We'll ask the questions here.
Commissioner.
What is it? That's our lunch.
Fifi's and mine.
Why were you running? Because you were chasing me.
Why were you chasing me? Oh, the bag.
You thought I swiped your lunch? Would you care for half? It's only tuna fish.
No, thanks.
What happened back there? Oh, well, it seems our friend came up with a very unique distraction.
A couple of lady dogs in the mood for love, you know what I mean? I-ls it all right if I go now? Oh, yeah, yeah.
I'm very sorry.
I hope you find your lunch.
He's a good-natured fellow.
Yeah, considering you just mugged him.
(Mac) You know what? (Sally) What? The human race neglects its real heroes, you know that? I'll buy that.
Any hero in particular? Well, the man who invented the martini, for one.
Every park has a statue.
Every statue is some guy sitting on a horse, with his sword at his side.
But where, oh, where, is a statue of the man who first rode into battle armed with only six parts gin and a squidge of vermouth? Hear, hear.
I'm with you.
I couldn't have said it better myself.
[phone ringing] I'll get it.
Okay.
Hello? Yes.
Right.
20 minutes.
What's the matter? It was Yeakel.
Fairborn's turned up.
Commissioner.
What's the story? A patrolman over at North Beach spotted him when he was grazed by a car.
He thought he was drunk.
He was staggering around.
His clothes were a mess.
But when he questioned him, he found out it was Fairborn.
How is he? He's all right.
Cuts and bruises.
Doctor says he was drugged, but he'll be okay by tonight or tomorrow.
Was he any help at all? According to the officer who found him, Fairborn wasn't very much help at all.
He remembered parking his car at the vet's and that's it.
Maybe when he wakes up, he'll remember some more.
Yeah, that's a maybe, but there's one thing for sure.
When he wakes up, somebody's got to tell him that his wife's been murdered.
Who could Who could do such a thing? We don't know yet.
We'd like to ask you.
Who'd do such a thing? I--I don't know.
[sighs] [sobbing] She could-- She could be outrageous.
It was just her way.
But she never [sniffles] But she never hurt anyone.
No one could hold a grudge against Francesca.
Could it have been a robbery? Could have.
Your apartment was ransacked.
But until you check things over, we won't know if anything's missing.
(Fairborn) The doctor says I can go home.
Later today I'll--I'll--I'll check things out and let you know.
We'd appreciate that.
Look, thanks for, for coming here like this.
I--I know it couldn't have been an easy thing for you to do.
Thank you.
How many times do you brush your hair? 1 00 strokes.
Every night? Mmm-hmm.
Okay.
You have your habits, I have mine.
Are you trying to gaslight me? What? Drop it already, before I go bananas.
What? The other shoe.
Oh.
What's on your mind? Something about habits.
Oh, Mac, I really don't mean to make you self-conscious.
Oh, no, it's not that.
It's just something to do with this case, and I don't know what.
It's really gnawing at me.
Why don't you sleep on it, it'll come to you in the morning.
[both moaning] Wait a minute.
You sure know how to make a girl feel wanted.
The ransom note.
Francesca wouldn't let me take the ransom note on Saturday, and yet, yesterday it was gone.
Whoever ransacked the apartment took the note.
Left a lot of jewelry on Francesca, but took the note.
Why? Maybe the kidnappers put his return address on the letter.
Maybe he did.
He did what? Well, not a return address necessarily, but some sort of giveaway.
Maybe he was afraid the police could trace the typewriter.
It wasn't typed.
It was put together with letters cut from a newspaper.
I know.
It had an out-of-town postmark.
It wasn't mailed.
If it had been, Fairborn would have received his own ransom note when he checked the mail on Saturday morning.
Then someone must have slipped it into Francesca's mailbox later that morning.
Or Or what? Or I don't know what.
Here, this is about the right size.
The right size for what? Why are you getting dressed? To conduct an experiment.
Where are you going? With you.
You know you can't get a cab at this time of night.
A cab? Oh, you keep forgetting.
You've been grounded.
It's habit.
Too late, Pavlov.
Clues, wrap the clues.
Doesn't fit.
Oh, here, you could fold it.
The envelope wasn't folded.
That's the point.
You need a key.
George Fairborn has a key.
Where's the phone? [ringing] Hello? Hmm? No, no, it's nothing important, Commissioner.
You didn't disturb me.
What? Yeah, I'm on my way.
Oh, nobody makes house calls anymore.
No one but cops and crooks.
You see? No way.
Fairborn wasn't checking the mail.
He was delivering it.
(Enright) We'll go upstairs and get him.
You better get Mrs.
McMillan out of the way.
(Mac) Right.
I'll take her home.
I'll call you as soon as I get him.
Yeah.
Be careful, Mac.
[tires screech] Sally, that's Fairborn! (Mac) Sally! Stop, get out and call the police.
I'll follow him.
Watch this, Mac.
I can get him when we go around the corner.
If you wait for the police, we'll never get him.
Faster, Sally, faster.
Maybe we can get nabbed for speeding.
I know.
I can catch him.
Sally! Stay down! It's not safe.
Don't worry about them.
Worry about Fairborn! I'll worry about him.
I'll worry about the traffic, too.
I don't want to get you killed.
I really can make it, Mac.
I'm a good driver.
I think we're gaining on him.
[tires screeching] No, I'm going to find a squad car, Sally, and you've got to be careful.
Yes, sir.
Uh, that was pretty close.
You're telling me? We've got him now, Mac.
[car horn honking] He's turning into the garage.
Sally, uh [tires screeching] [tires screeching] (Mac) Sally! (Sally) We got him now, Mac.
Mac! Sally, get back! There's gas leaking.
Come on.
Down! Mac, are you all right? (Mac) Sally.
Yes, I'm fine.
The ransom money.
Over here! You all right, Mac? Yeah, I am fine.
Get him out of here! I'll get the fire.
Well, it all seems to be here, sir.
I guess it was Fairborn who killed Belinsky, right, Commissioner? They were probably partners in the deal, weren't they? Fairborn figured I might recognize Belinsky's voice on the phone.
He killed him, right? Some guy to go into business with, huh? Yeah.
Mac, now can we get back what we were doing? Oh, you mean you were asleep, too? Sergeant, you're so sweet.
Well, I think I'll take my tuna fish sandwich back to the station.
Good night.
Now, you figured that Fairborn came back to steal the letter.
And then he killed Francesca when she found him in the apartment, right? Right.
Almost.
He came back to steal the money and murdered his wife deliberately.
Saw the letter and realized his mistake.
Yes, but when the police found him, he was drugged.
Sedatives.
Self-administered.
You're amazing.
Let's get something to eat.
I've got an idea.
Come here.
On a full stomach? Aren't you supposed to wait 1 5 minutes? That's swimming.
Oh, okay.