McMillan & Wife (1971) s01e04 Episode Script

Husbands, Wives, and Killers

[police siren wailing] (female dispatcher) Code 2, Code 2, Sgt.
Proceed to Cable Car Barn.
Warning: Suspect is armed.
Code 2.
Code 2.
[siren wailing] [grunts] (Enright) Watch out, Commissioner.
[grunts] One back there.
Commissioner, next time you should stake out the corner and I should cover the exit.
Yes, Enright, we'll have to work that out.
All right, buddy, let's go.
It's the end of the line for you.
[laughing] (worker) Charlie, better start cutting that bed board.
We'll have this out to the house in an hour for you, Mrs.
I know what it's like to have a backache.
I really appreciate it.
Oh, I've been sleeping on the floor for the last two nights and my husband really hates it.
Hates to sleep alone.
He hates sleeping on the floor.
Why does your husband sleep on the [screams] It's okay, lady.
I'm a friend of the Commissioner's.
What are you doing here? I--l--I followed you.
You beat me.
Well, l--I came in the window.
You shouldn't leave them open.
I don't think I caught your name.
I'm Soup Metzgar.
I got a message for-- Soup? Yeah, Soup.
[slurps] Soup, like you drink.
Most people say you eat soup, but you don't.
You drink it.
[slurps] Uh, I got a message for the Commissioner.
Well, he should be home shortly.
Would you like to come in? I--I can't.
Then may I come in? Oh, yeah, sure.
Thank you.
[car horn honking] Commissioner, what do you think would happen if I turned on the siren? We'll get a headache.
Where? Where? Where? Where is he? I--I got to get back to the Ark.
The Ark? I wouldn't have taken a chance like this, but it was the Commissioner who saved my life.
Any other lawyer, innocent or not, I get the gas chamber.
I owe him.
Would a drink help? No, l--I don't drink the hard stuff.
Soft stuff? No stuff.
Some soup, Soup? Well No, l--I can't.
I--I got to go.
Tell the Commissioner to meet me at the old place.
Where are you going? We have a front door, you know.
They might be out there.
Mildred! I realize that this is your day off, but do you think that you could give me a hand with this? (Mildred) Wait a minute, there's somebody at the door.
[exclaims] Evening, Commissioner.
Good evening, Mildred.
I quit.
Again? Not again.
You can't quit today.
(Mildred) Why not? It's your day off.
Okay, then I quit as of yesterday.
All right.
Tell me.
Well, you won't believe it.
I was sleeping in my own bed, it's my day off, and a strange man comes in the kitchen window.
A very shifty guy, the eyes, nose to one side.
He walked like that.
How tall was he? I don't know.
I didn't get a good look at him.
It's okay, Mildred.
He was a friend.
Friends come in through doors, not through windows.
What about family? Do they get to come through doors? Oh, yeah.
Hi, darling.
Now, about this friend, who was he? His name was Soup Metzgar.
Soup! What did he want? Well, he had a message for you.
It was very important.
Well, what was it? Oh, he didn't leave it.
He wanted to talk to you.
He was afraid to wait.
When will he be back? Oh, he's not coming back.
He said for you to meet him "at the old place.
" What old place? What old place? I assumed you knew.
I mean if somebody says "the old place", I assume it's some old place that you know.
Sally, if some old friend out of your distant past said, "Meet me at the old place," would you know what he meant? Mmm-hmm.
Girls' john, third floor, across from the Chemistry lab.
I get it.
You're gonna meet him at the girls' john? [chuckling] No.
He used to work in the cable car power plant.
Oh, no.
What's wrong with cable car power plant? Nothing.
You're not going, are you? I have to go.
If Soup says it's important, it's important.
Mac! [machines humming] Soup! [gun fires] [gun fires] [gun fires] [grunts] [Mac grunts] (Mac) "Commissioner, sorry, I was followed by Big Shoes.
Your house is going to be robbed tonight.
" Robbed? Shh.
Mildred will hear you.
Robbed? Mildred heard you.
There's nothing to worry about, Mildred.
There's a policeman stationed outside.
We're going to be home tonight.
Oh, no, we're not.
No, we're not.
Where are we going? We're going to Alex and Connie's for dessert and coffee, but first we're all meeting at the costume company.
Mac, I'm the Co-Chairman.
You can't just-- I am not wearing a costume.
I hate the idea.
Well, at least you could wear something simple, Iike a pirate's costume.
I'll wear a business suit.
That's a now pirate costume.
Some soup, Sally? Oh, I'd be delighted.
(Sally) Well, I didn't think it was that funny.
(Mac) Oh, I loved it.
That was the best one I ever heard.
I like that one myself.
Listen, what time will you be coming home? Long before your movie is over with.
We'll drop you off, Mildred.
Oh, I'm meeting Agnes.
Agnes? Hmm.
Who's Agnes? Agnes, the DuSeine's new maid.
Oh, it's on the way.
We'll pick her up.
Can I talk to you a minute? Yes.
Excuse me.
Nobody knows that we're checking out everything.
I wish I knew what they were saying.
I don't think Mr.
McMillan told us everything about his meeting with Soup.
The policeman is telling the Commissioner about a bullet.
It was a.
38 caliber.
What bullet? The Commissioner was shot at by a Size 15 shoe today.
They found billiard chalk on a footprint.
They've got leads on a couple of suspects.
I knew he was keeping something from us.
The policeman says they're getting nowhere locating Soup.
Mildred, how do you do it? At this distance, and with them mumbling like that, how do you hear everything? I'm a maid.
Nobody tells us anything, but we're expected to know everything.
Oh, who expects you to know everything? Other maids.
[in Transylvanian accent] Welcome.
It is good to see you.
Forgive me, I do not remember your face, but your blood is familiar.
Tom, you look sensational.
Doesn't he? How did she recognize me in this makeup? What makeup? Where's Janet? Just you wait.
It's a divine surprise.
How's your back? Oh, it hurts.
How did you know? The way you're moving.
You really should do something for that.
Like sleeping in a coffin with a stake through my heart? I got that bed board you advised, Doctor.
It's pretty painful, Tom.
Isn't there something she could take? Yes.
Fencing, for instance.
I recommend it strongly.
(Sally) Janet, you look fabulous.
Doesn't she? I've done the whole Pooh series.
You should see my Eeyore.
Hello, Mac.
Hi, Janet.
(Janet) You know, you should really ask Alex to teach you how to fence because he's really a terrific teacher.
He didn't take a penny for the lessons.
Uh, would you like to try on your costumes? I'm not wearing any.
Then you should be the smash of the party.
Oh, I'd like to try mine on.
Alex, got a new pupil for you.
My price for ladies is very unreasonable but very pleasant.
How are you, Sally? Fine, Alex.
(Alex) Hi, Mac.
Hey! Hey, you think I look like a dog? Whatever it is, you're the next size.
Where's Mac? Hi, Mac.
Is Chuck here? No.
I don't know where he is.
He's supposed to meet me half an hour ago.
Maybe he is at work.
Stockbrokers never work, and at that, they quit in the middle of the afternoon.
Come along, Mrs.
Let's get you suited up.
Hey, Alex, where's Connie? Behind you.
Marie Antoinette.
My queen.
(Connie) You.
You in the suit.
Meet me in the buttery at the stroke of midnight.
Let us eat cake.
Hi, everybody.
(all) Hi, Chuck.
I'm sorry I'm late, honey.
Well, where were you? Oh, honey, you've got something on your jacket.
Is it blood? It looks like blood.
A cat was run over.
I stopped and took it to the SPCA.
Vet says he's going to be all right.
That was very nice of you.
You better get into your costume.
And you better get into yours.
What are you going to be, Chuck? Casanova, of course.
Then you don't have to change.
Hello, Connie.
Hi, Chuck.
Hey, Alex, let's get out of these things and go home and get everything ready.
See you later.
I'm ready.
Aren't you going to try on any costume? [hisses] Alex, the door.
The lights! We've been robbed.
(Connie) The jewelry, the The necklace is still there.
////[humming] [phone ringing] Hello.
Oh, hi, Commissioner.
No, you didn't disturb me.
Where? When? What? Okay, I'll get a robbery detail right on it.
Yeah, I'll be there in a couple of minutes myself, sir.
No, it's just a few blocks from me.
Good night.
Why would they go to all the trouble of opening the safe and not steal the jewelry? It is a paradox.
It is a paradox.
Yes, a paradox.
// A paradox, a paradox, a most unusual paradox // // Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho // // A paradox // // What's going on? I used to study singing.
I thought I might go into it as a profession.
You made the right choice.
I'm finished, Commissioner.
It's all yours.
Thank you.
I wonder if this is a replacement.
A fake? Wouldn't they close the door of the safe? That way no one would know that the original had been taken.
They might have heard the maid coming home and they had to got off.
The maid didn't come home.
She went to the movies with Mildred.
Well, something must have scared them off.
Who sold you this necklace? Alex bought it for me.
It's from Rochemont, an original design.
Why? I'd like to have it authenticated.
Oh, sure, I'll take it in tomorrow and have it checked.
Would you like some coffee? Oh, you must be exhausted, unless, uh No, we'll go.
Nothing more we can do here.
Mac, thank you very much.
Sorry it had to happen, Alex.
Adieu, Sergeant.
Good night.
I hate to mention it, but there is one more thing you can do for me.
Name it.
Let me have my necklace back.
Keep it in a safe place.
(Sally) It's Mildred, Mac.
(Mac) What is? Mildred, are you all right? (Mildred) Yeah, I'm fine.
I just didn't want to go in the house till somebody came home.
How much? That's all right, Mildred.
I'll get it.
No, thanks, it's my fare.
I'll pay it.
No, I'll get it.
Really, I insist.
I'll do it, Mildred.
How much, driver? (driver) $9.
70? $9.
It wasn't a very long movie.
Can't handle that, Mac.
Why not? That's $20.
Company policy.
We're not supposed to carry a lot of dough.
Sally, do you have any cash? Sorry, darling, no.
Mildred, can I borrow some money? I don't have any.
You don't have any? You just offered to pay the taxi.
In fact you insisted on it.
Yeah, but I knew you wouldn't let me.
All right, give me what change you've got.
It might help to write to City Hall.
Why? We could carry more change if we had better protection.
Believe me, if there's anything that needs changing in this town, it's that police commissioner.
Thanks, Mac.
[engine starts] [taxi driving away] I hope it doesn't get in the papers, Sally.
What? W-What happened? Oh, well, the, uh, the DuSeine house was broken into.
Well, now, Mildred, take it easy.
No one was hurt.
Nothing was stolen.
It was just broken into.
That's all.
Boy, that Minestrone was right.
He said there was going to be a robbery.
Only he had the wrong address.
How did you like the movie? Did you and Agnes like it? Oh, uh, well, uh, yeah.
It was fine.
It was a Danish mystery.
Lot of naked murderers.
Now, Mildred, as I told you before, no burglar's going to break into this house.
We don't have anything of great value, other than you.
You know, Commissioner, for a Scotsman, you've got a lot of blarney in you.
Now you just relax and you get a good night's rest.
It's easy for you to talk.
You got a cop to sleep with.
This is one of those inside-out, upside-down cases that my father would have loved.
Nothing fits.
Well, I'll tell you one thing that fits.
Me and this bed.
I'm exhausted.
Sally, what did you do to this bed? I put a bed board in it, makes my back feel better.
You're supposed to put it under the mattress.
How was l supposed to know? It didn't come with instructions.
The floor is softer than this.
Why don't you just get down to what's really bothering you? Agnes.
Mildred said she went to the theatre with Agnes.
What's bothering you about that? What she didn't say.
Mildred, the great worrier of all time, not one question about her friend.
But you said right off the bat, nearly the minute that we walked in the door that nothing was taken, that everyone was okay.
T rue.
But not one word like: "How is she? Is she upset? Where is she? Why isn't she home?" How do you know she's not home? I left instructions with the policeman there to call me when she gets in.
[sighs] Everyone's missing.
Agnes is missing.
Soup is missing.
The man that shot at you-- sh-shot at you is missing.
How did you know that? Would you grab the sheet? Well, Mildred happened to overhear you when you were talking to the policeman.
Happened to overhear? Well, Mac, I don't like the idea of you getting shot at.
On that particular subject, you can take second place behind me.
But right now, I like having you very much in front of me.
Hey, what about your back? You shouldn't have been lifting all that.
Feels pretty good.
Yeah? Yeah.
[phone ringing] Hello? But who? Who's going to be there? No, wait a minute.
Don't hang up.
I want to talk What's wrong? That was Soup.
He's trying to help but he's frightened.
Where are you going? Out.
I could've figured out that you're going out.
He says I'll meet somebody interesting if I go to Hammond Building, Room 1 201.
Do you think it could be Big Shoes? I don't know.
But I'll soon find out.
Take care, Mac.
It's company policy.
What's that for? I don't want to lose my place.
[phone ringing] Enright here.
Yes, Commissioner, I'll be right there.
No, sir, uh, I wasn't doing anything.
Just relaxing and reading.
Catching up on last week's newspaper.
Wait up for me.
He's alive.
(Enright) I'll call an ambulance.
(Mac) I'm going up to the twelfth floor.
Enright here.
Send an ambulance right over to the, uh, Hammond Building right away, please.
[elevator bell dings] [gun fires] Take--Take anything you want but don't take my life.
It's all yours.
How do I call downstairs? Dial four.
[sighs] Enright? It's Big Shoes.
He's on his way downstairs.
Be careful.
But, sir, next time I should be the one to go upstairs alone and you should be the one to do the phoning.
Yes, we'll have to work that out.
You're Corlino? Yes, sir.
I'm Commissioner of Police.
What are you doing here at 2:30 in the morning? Working.
The man in the hallway.
What was his name and what was he doing here? I haven't got the faintest idea.
Maybe he came to rob me.
Maybe you had a prearranged meeting with him.
No, no, sir.
No, no, no, no.
You had no meeting with anyone? Hello, Chuck.
How did you know I was here? If you're gonna have a secret meeting, you'd have to be a little bit more careful.
I saw your name in the log downstairs.
A secret meeting with my name on the log? Isn't that what an honest man would do? You're probably wondering why I'm here.
You can eliminate "probably.
" Well, Mr.
Corlino's a very good client of mine.
He works late and he sleeps late.
He wanted me to buy stocks for his account first thing in the morning when the market opened.
Why didn't you handle it by phone? Um It was, uh, a rather large, private transaction in the amount of, uh, $45,000 in cash.
In cash? I have this problem with my wife.
I don't like checks clearing through the account.
Where's the $45,000? Right here.
Excuse me, sir, but Big Shoes got away.
The guard okay? Yes.
He's on his way to the hospital.
This is a friend of mine.
Chuck Forrest.
(Mac) Enright, count this, will you? Undoubtedly, this explains the presence of the man you were chasing, the robber.
He must have known my habits.
Neat, but not gaudy.
You can't blame me for going after a nice commission, now, can you, Mac? Well, if you don't need me any longer, stockbrokers have to get up and do work at 5:00, remember? Sometimes 2:1 5.
Corlino, I'll send a bonded messenger over for the money.
That's--that's fine.
(Chuck) Good night, Mac.
Good night, Chuck.
Corlino, [door closes] Iet me ask you something.
You're a jeweler.
Are you by any chance familiar with the DuSeine necklace? Commissioner, you're a policeman.
Do you really expect me to answer this without the benefit of an attorney? No.
But perhaps you'd better alert him.
[chiming] Hi.
Good book? Oh.
What are you doing up? Oh, I was just going to, um Oh, I can't think of a good lie.
I was worried about you.
You have to learn not to worry.
That's what this book is about.
What's worrying you? The more involved I get in this case, the more it involves our friends.
Alex and Connie were robbed, Soup is hiding someplace.
Probably in danger.
And I just met Chuck in an all-night jeweler's.
Sally, women talk to one another.
Do you know if any of our friends are having money problems? No.
Let's go to bed.
Wait a minute.
That "let's go to bed," was not a "let's go to bed," it was a: "Let's not talk about it.
Let's go to bed.
" You're so smart, I don't know why I worry about you.
Let's go to bed.
It's Alex.
Alex? Oh, I shouldn't have said that.
Forget it.
I can't forget something like, "It's Alex.
" I know, I know.
I'm sorry.
It's all right, it's my fault.
I shouldn't have brought it up.
I can't say any more about it.
Yes, you can.
What about Alex? I promised Connie that I wouldn't tell anybody.
I'm your husband.
Yeah, I know, I know, you're my husband to me.
But to Connie, you're anybody.
Sally, you know that anything you tell me, I'll hold in confidence.
I know, Mac but I was told to hold what I was told in confidence.
Now if I tell you, I'll be violating that confidence in the belief that you will keep the confidence.
But what's to prevent you from revealing that confidence to someone you feel equally confident will, uh, will keep the confidence? Sally, you're withholding evidence.
Mac, I'm going to trust you.
Now, a couple of weeks ago, Connie indicated that she and Alex were having a little rough go of it financially.
Now, about a week ago, when we were all at the theatre, I think, no, I'm not sure, but I think that Connie was trying to sell the necklace.
If you're right, Connie's desperate.
You don't think she arranged to have the necklace stolen so she could claim the insurance, do you? What a terrible thing to say! It's also meaningless, 'cause the necklace wasn't stolen.
Let's go to bed.
Ha! Sure, you can sleep.
You're not guilty.
You didn't violate a confidence.
I wasn't withholding evidence.
I was withholding nothing.
She was confident that I'd keep her confidence, but you said that it was evidence.
And evidently, you think that evidence justifies violating a confidence.
Where are we going? To bed.
I had that feeling.
Good morning, Mildred.
Good morning, Commissioner.
Who left me this note? Mrs.
It's in your handwriting.
Oh, I know, I know.
She was in a hurry.
She asked me to write it down.
Well, what does it say? I don't know, I can't read it.
Do you remember what she said to write down? Uh, yeah.
She said to tell you she didn't want to waken you, she was in a hurry and she'll be at the club decorating the ballroom all day.
Doesn't seem to be what I wrote down here.
It's good enough.
What would you like this morning, Commissioner? Oh, just a cup of coffee.
What are you nervous about? Nervous? Yeah.
Your hands are shaking.
Uh, yeah, I noticed that.
Don't you feel well? I'm feeling guilty.
That's what I'm feeling.
Commissioner, I'm an accessory.
I violated the trust you put in me.
What did you do? Well, uh, Commissioner Commissioner, Agnes never went to the movie.
What? Well, she got a headache just before we went in.
I said I'd go home with her but, uh, she insisted I stay.
And then, when you came home and told me her place had been ransacked, and you didn't even mention Agnes, I didn't know what to say.
I didn't want to incriminate her.
I called there early this morning, and she never came home.
Commissioner, I've withheld evidence.
But I didn't want to violate a confidence, but evidently the evidence I didn't want to violate was a violation of the confidence that you placed in me.
Mildred, are you secretly the mother of that woman I married? Hi, Mac, good morning.
Good morning.
Uh, Sally, this is urgent.
I got to find Soup.
Now try to put it together.
Where did he say he lived? He said Ark, Mac.
You sure he said Ark? Not park? Oh, no, I'm sure, Mac, 'cause when he said Ark, I thought of two by two, twins.
Wouldn't it be nice to have twins? Yeah, we'll have to get together on that.
Bye, Mac.
The machine's malfunctioning, sir.
How long will it be before we get a report on Agnes? It shouldn't be very long.
I'm supposed to meet the Mayor in 20 minutes, that is, if the elevator strike is settled.
I didn't know the man was negotiating the elevator strike.
He's not.
He's stranded on the 38th floor [fax machine beeps] of the Equitable Building.
Oh, that must be Dallas now, sir.
[fax machine printing] What does it say? It says, "The machine is working.
Is working, is working.
" Here it is, "Dallas, Texas.
"Agnes Willoughby.
Domestic servant.
Charged and convicted, 1 951.
Theft of ring.
" Put out an APB on her.
What about Big Shoes? Anything on him? Nothing as yet, sir, but I have two men checking every shoe store in town.
If you find a pair of tan loafers my size, Iet me know.
What about my friend, Chuck Forrest? Well, the lab reports that it was animal blood on the coat and everything else checks out.
He did take an injured cat to the SPCA at the time he stated.
What about our friendly, round-the-clock jeweler, Corlino? Anything on him? Negative.
Anything on Soup? Negative.
This whole case is negative.
We gotta find out where Soup lives.
We don't wanna lose him.
Sir, Mrs.
McMillan was the last one to spend any time with Soup.
Do you remember if she remembers his saying anything that'll help us? Well, I remember asking her, but she didn't remember anything, remember? Great lunch.
How'd you ever find that place? A friend of Mac's, who's a soup freak, told me they have the best chowder in town.
Thanks for picking up the check.
Forget it.
Next time it'll be your turn.
I hope so.
May I tell you something in confidence? Absolutely not.
Sally, please, I just got to talk to someone, and you are my best friend.
Chuck's business is really doing terribly.
Please don't tell me.
My husband is the Commissioner of Police.
Before that, he was the best criminal attorney in town.
He gets everything out of me.
He even knows my age, so don't tell me.
(Sally) Noah's Ark.
That's it, the Ark! The Ark? That's where he lives! I've got to find a phone.
There must be a phone around here.
There! Okay, I'll check back in an hour.
Ah! Don't close this.
I have to call my husband.
Lady, this is the police call box.
Business only.
Well, this is a business call.
My husband's the Commissioner of Police.
Oh, sure he is.
He is.
Call him up and ask him.
This is an emergency.
I am Mrs.
Tell him I have the Soup information that he needs.
The soup information? I'm not gonna say another word.
Just call him.
Plug me through to the Commissioner's office, please.
Sir, this is Patrolman Dumbowsky.
There's a young lady here who says she's your wife.
Dark? Yes, sir.
That, too, sir.
Well, yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
You're the one.
Hi, Mac.
Mac, I found the Ark.
It's a boat.
Where? (Sally) At the Bay Marina, near the entrance.
Bay Marina.
Sally, you're a credit to my profession.
I'll keep an eye out till you get here.
No, you go on home.
We' ll take care of it.
[phone ringing] I'll be right there, sir.
Where am I going? Yes, sir.
(Enright) There's Big Shoes and Soup! Hold it! Police! I'm all right.
Yeah, I'm all right.
[gun firing] [boat engine starting] [gun firing] Hello, Tom.
Hello, Mac.
I didn't know I hit him.
You didn't.
I did.
Abel Kleinschmidt, do you know him? Patient of mine.
I treated him off and on.
Was he heading for your boat for a reason? He's been on the boat before.
Probably looking for the keys, he was probably going to steal it.
Why did you shoot him? Working on my gun, he jumped aboard.
I fired.
That's all that happened.
How did you happen to have him as a patient? Somebody recommended him.
I don't remember who.
Look, I'm going to the hospital to see how he is.
I'll need a report from you later.
[siren wailing] [people chattering] How are you doing? Well, I feel lucky to be alive.
That close, huh? Yeah, you know what? What? My sandwich saved me.
What? See.
The bullet got stuck in the Polish sausage.
Soup will be all right in a couple of days, sir.
Wasn't that Big Shoes, Commissioner? Yeah.
His name is Abel Kleinschmidt.
Abel Kleinschmidt.
[engine starting] That registers.
What are you doing? Oh, I'm, uh, programming myself for Kleinschmidt.
Would you mind programming yourself in my office? I have work to do.
Sure, but, uh, can we stop and pick up a sandwich on the way? Sure.
My sandwich got wounded.
I'll recommend it for a pension.
What do you think of this case, En? Ah, ah, ah, ah.
I'm sorry, sir, but I needed that.
Commissioner, that--that doctor, he's a-- he's a friend of yours, isn't he? Yes, I have ubiquitous friends.
[exclaims] Ah, something's coming back.
(Mac) Enright.
Kleinschmidt, Abel.
Armed robbery '59, assault '63.
He served five years in prison.
But he's no innovator.
Somebody has to do his thinking for him.
I figured, but who is it? Soup would have the answer.
[door opens] But it'll be a couple of days before we can talk to him.
(officer) Sergeant Enright, we found this.
It fell out of Kleinschmidt's pocket.
Thank you.
Oh, boy.
If I could whistle, I'd whistle.
You can't whistle? Huh-huh.
Only breathing in.
Not breathing out.
[whistles] See? [Mac whistles] That's for you.
Hey, maybe Kleinschmidt was planning to go to that costume ball.
I doubt if he was on the guest list.
Well, he could have been planning to, uh, to crash the party, take a second crack at the necklace.
But why? The necklace we found has to be a fake, otherwise it wouldn't have been left in the safe.
Have you heard from Mrs.
DuSeine? Has she been to the jeweler's yet? She said she'd be there about, uh, about 20 minutes from now.
Let's go down.
If you're lucky, maybe he'll bronze your sandwich for you.
What's the matter, Mr.
Rochemont? Uh, I am sorry.
It isn't this.
It's an unbelievable smell.
[sniffs] Cheese or sausage.
Pardon me, but it really is most distracting and unexplainable.
What about the necklace? Oh, there's no question.
No question whatsoever.
That it's real? Yes.
Yes? You're sure? I created it.
I know my own work.
It is genuine.
Thank you.
Feel a lot better.
Would you like us to see you home, Connie? Oh, thank you, Mac, but the insurance company insisted I go with their driver.
See you tomorrow night.
So long, Connie.
And, uh, thank you, Mr.
It's a pleasure, Commissioner.
Follow her.
Why, you have a suspicion? Nothing that good.
But when in doubt, follow her.
[belches] No, sir, no one named Kleinschmidt reserved or rented a costume.
All right, if you hear anything, let me know.
I'll certainly keep in touch.
Thank you.
Well, it doesn't make any sense at all, but we've got to cover that party.
I can't go on hunches.
You've got no tip, no proof, no nothing.
We've got a $250,000 necklace at a costume ball and over 1 00 guests in disguise.
It's impossible to cover the in and outs of a place like that without the detail of at least 20 men.
Look, Commissioner.
Look, look at all these doors, corridors, back, side, front entrances.
How many men can we spare? Two.
Two? All right, three.
Okay, okay, five.
But five's not enough.
Make it six.
I've got a solution.
Call the party off.
Maybe I can talk Connie DuSeine out of wearing the necklace.
You do that and I'll kiss you.
Don't discourage me.
I'll call you and let you know.
Connie, do yourself a favor, will you? Don't wear the necklace to that party.
Are you telling us that you cannot protect her, Mac? [Mac laughs] Alex, maybe he's right.
Oh, come on, Connie, you're going to wear it.
Uh, sit down, Mac.
Are you sure you don't want a drink? No, I'll just stay a minute.
This isn't fun and games, Alex.
There're ruthless people out there who are after that necklace.
And I don't want to see anybody else get hurt.
It's my duty to warn you the risk.
I know about the risk, Mac.
A man doesn't buy his wife a necklace worth a fortune without being aware of the risk.
What good is a necklace if the woman can't wear it? That's true and I can't stop you.
I can only tell you, you're asking for trouble.
Alex, maybe I shouldn't wear it, as a favor to Mac.
Connie, he's not worried about your necklace.
He's worried about the possible embarrassment to his department.
[chuckles] Have it your way.
I'm supposed to take care of people and you do fall into the category of people.
Then take care of us.
That's your job.
(Alex) But Connie's going to wear the necklace.
Mac, I refuse to live in an atmosphere of terror.
(Mac) Good afternoon.
Bye, Mac.
[door closes] (Sally) You did it again.
I did it again.
Oh, that's right, say it like you didn't do it again.
Well, I may have done it again and then again, I may not have done it again.
What are we talking about, Sally? I call you with Soup information.
You go after him.
Then what happens? Nothing happens.
We don't hear a word.
We've been nervous wrecks all day long.
You should've called the office.
I did call the office.
Ann didn't know where you were.
You didn't call her.
She's very worried.
You know, she wants me to call you if I heard anything.
There's nothing to worry about.
Nothing to worry about? The last time you went after Soup, you got shot at.
Ah, we caught him.
You did? Thank God.
Why couldn't you have called and told us? On Tom's boat? Maybe he wanted to buy it.
Tom wants to sell that boat, you know.
He wasn't shopping.
I was chasing him.
How do you know Tom wants to sell his boat? Janet told me.
In confidence.
Would you like a drink? Yeah.
I could use one, or two or, uh, three.
I'm sorry I made you worry.
I must have.
You don't drink solo.
Mmm, I'm not drinking solo.
I'm keeping Mildred company.
You know, when--when you didn't call, she got very nervous.
I had to give her a drink to calm her down.
To cheer her up, make her feel better.
(Mac) How is she feeling? Better.
I was looking for some gin to make you martini, but I think somebody drank it all.
I wonder who that could be.
I'll make myself a scotch, Mildred.
Thank you for your concern.
You really should have called.
It wasn't very kind.
I'm gonna go make dinner.
I think.
[sighs] Sally, that necklace isn't a fake.
I don't like it.
I know why I don't like it.
Why do I feel the sudden urge to say why? I don't like it because I've that feeling that every one of our friends knows what's going on, except me.
Maybe it's money, Mac.
All of our friends seem to be having financial troubles.
All of them? Uh Don't tell me.
Let me guess.
Let's see, now, we've covered Alex and Connie, Tom and Janet, so Laurie told you in confidence that Chuck needs money, too.
I'm not saying a word.
But you're not saying no.
I'm not saying.
Everybody's not saying.
Kleinschmidt's alive, but no help.
Soup is alive, no help.
Agnes is missing, no help.
Corlino isn't talking.
Chuck isn't talking, Tom isn't talking.
Mildred's the one who's doing some talking, and she isn't making any sense.
Cheers! [phone ringing] Yoo-hoo.
Commissioner, it's for you.
What is? (Mildred) The phone.
Well, I'll take it in here.
I already took it in there.
It's Chief Yeakel.
Yeah, Chief.
Oh, yeah? Listen, I forgot to say Right.
if you were in or out.
I'm in, I'm in, I'm in.
Well, l--I suppose it would be a good idea, but Oh, you did? I didn't tell him I see.
it was the McMillan residence.
I'll tell him, for you.
Okay, Chief.
I guess that is the only thing we can do.
All right.
Thank you.
(Mac) Mildred.
(Sally) What did Chief Yeakel want? I'm wearing a costume tonight.
Oh, Mac, I knew you'd come around.
Thank you.
That kiss was under false pretenses.
It's business, Sally.
Connie's going to wear her necklace, and we don't want it stolen.
The Chief is going to augment the force and he feels the costume would be an excellent cover.
Well, you could've lied to me.
No, I couldn't.
Well, can I lie to me? You didn't want me to feel bad, so you decided to wear a costume.
Connie's necklace is just a good excuse to do it.
Yes, Sally.
I knew you'd do it, for me.
Mac, are you ready? Mac, are you ready? (Mac) Yeah.
Oh, you look so cute.
I'm not going.
Mac, you've got to.
Besides, that was the only thing they had left.
Now here, I made this finishing touch just for you.
I feel like a horse's behind in this.
You don't look like one.
Besides, you'd be a bunny's behind.
Turn around.
[phone ringing] Hello.
Okay, I'll tell him.
Thank you.
That was Chief Yeakel.
He's getting very nervous.
The DuSeines arrived early.
He wants us to hurry.
You know, I always wanted to ask-- No jokes.
Remember now, no jokes.
No, let's not hurry.
You know what happened [siren wailing] Do you know how fast you were? Okay, Peter Rabbit, let's see your license.
Well, I don't have my license, but-- Okay, Bugs Bunny, do you want to step out of the car, please and take a little test? Uh, I'm Commissioner McMillan.
Now, every rabbit I stop tells me that.
But you were driving over the speed limit and you don't have your license.
Now do you want to step out of the car, please, and take a little test or I'm gonna haul you downtown.
He is Commissioner McMillan.
Yes, ma'am.
Mister, don't do anything we'll both be sorry for.
I am Commissioner McMillan and there's a robbery.
A robbery.
Now that's funny, because I haven't heard about a robbery.
I am Commissioner McMillan and the robbery hasn't happened yet.
The robbery hasn't happened yet.
Then you've got time to take a little test, all right? I want you to walk this line to about Want to walk that, please? Good luck, Mac.
Vehicle checks out, belongs to McMillan.
Uh, thank you, that was excellent, Commissioner.
Bye, promotion.
[chuckles] (Sally) Come on, Mac.
We better hurry.
[all chattering] ////[music playing] McDonagle, everything okay? Good, the Commissioner will be here soon.
[ticking] Excuse me.
[chimes tinkering] Watch out for the steps, Mac.
One, two Good evening, Sergeant.
Don't you say a word.
Yes, sir.
Evening, Mrs.
Hi, Sgt.
Where have you got your gun? How's everything going? We got devils surrounded at every entrance there.
I mean, we got them at the archway over there.
We've got a devil at the front door, devil at backdoor, devil at the bandstand, and a devil at the punch bowl.
Good, where's the chief? Oh, he's over there by the punch bowl, sir talking to McDonagle.
He's gone out on a limb for us and put on three extra men.
Oh, yeah? Dressed as waiters, right? Right.
Good evening, Chief.
Oh, oh, good evening.
Good evening.
Nice party, you know.
I see they took away your name and gave you a number.
Yeah, well, I was lucky to get anything the last minute.
All they had left was this and some stupid Easter bunny outfit.
McDonagle, uh, let's check those, uh What was that? That's a red herring.
I don't see any of our friends.
Oh, well, here's Tom and Janet Benton dancing and there's Laurie Forrest.
Where are the DuSeines? Oh, uh, they're in the anteroom.
Let's go say hello to Alex and Connie.
I'll go look for Mr.
(Connie) I hate it when you're like this.
I mean I just, I hate it.
I don't want to talk about it.
Keep him away from me.
Just a little show of royal temper.
Shall we turn to our subjects, dear? Wow! Now I believe in the Easter bunny.
Hey, Sally, you have done a fantastic job of converting this mausoleum.
I mean, it--it sparkles.
(Sally) Not nearly as much as your necklace.
(Mac) I can see some of the breaths it's taking, including my own.
Oh, Mac, relax.
I will, in about four hours.
(man on microphone) Dr.
Tom Benton, please.
Will Dr.
Tom Benton please go to the phone in the main lobby? That's the penalty for being a good doctor.
Always on duty.
Hi, people.
Be back in a minute, I hope.
[people clapping] If it is, I'd like to see the patient's face when he arrives in that outfit and suggests a transfusion.
Shall we, dear? Excuse us.
Hey, mister, you haven't complimented me on the decorations or anything.
What? You could get closer if we danced.
Okay, let's see.
Well, you could get closer.
You mean, to the necklace? For one thing.
May I have your tail, Miss Pussy Cat? It would be my pleasure.
(Sally) Y-You're kidding, those feet.
Well, I think, uh, beauty contests are a vital part of our society.
Oh, honey, where have you been? I've been looking all over for you.
Of course you have.
She's cute for such a big girl.
I've got to tell Connie discreetly to stay where we can watch her.
(Sally) Oh, Mac, you were never so graceful.
Mac, are you holding something back? Do you have a tip that that necklace is going to be stolen tonight? (Mac) Yes.
I got a tip, from me to me.
Well, when Alex asks me to dance, you can dance with her and tell her.
Ha, ha.
What makes you think he's gonna do that? Oh, come on.
A woman knows those things.
Hey, Alex, would you like to dance with me? My pleasure.
See? Yeah, here's your tail.
Well, let's see, hmm.
Okay, here we go.
This is a super party.
I mean I've had a dozen invitations to dance.
I wonder what they're after.
I hope it isn't the necklace.
Yeah, me, too.
Connie, do me a favor, will you? Stay where we can watch you.
Um, how many "you" are watching me? Ooh, half a squad.
Hey, I've always wondered, how much is half a squad? And which ones are they? I don't know, you should have bought a program.
Oh, you! [all clapping] Sally is the most graceful panther I've danced with in years.
You are very gallant.
That's because I'm Louis ll, and I try harder.
[both laughing] There you are.
See you later.
Everything all right? Yes.
How is Kleinschmidt? Still in a coma.
Frankly, Mac, I'm not sure he's gonna make it.
Is that good for our side, or bad for our side? Mac.
[gun fires] [all screaming] Tom.
[woman screaming] (Sally) Is he all right? Is he all right? (Tom) He's alive.
Adams, call an ambulance.
Enright, have the rest of the men cover the exits.
Attention, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm Chief of Police, Yeakel.
[screams] They're gone.
All right, Connie, tell me exactly what happened.
Excuse me.
When--when it got dark, they--they just disappeared.
I think-- I think I felt a scissors, I think they--they were just snipped off.
Mac, look.
Out of my way! [tires screeching] Call an ambulance.
It's Gregorian.
You know, the costumer.
Did you find the necklace? Not on the body.
We checked all along the escape route, we couldn't find it, either.
(Sally) Mac.
I can't sleep.
I can.
Oh, Mac, my back.
I've got tension knots all up and down it.
What happened to the fencing lessons? Alex call it off? Oh, no, he said it would be good to keep our date tomorrow.
Keep our minds off things.
That's a good idea.
[groaning] I can't sleep until I get everything straight.
Now, Kleinschmidt was working for Gregorian.
And Gregorian masterminded the whole thing, right? I think that there were two people after the necklace.
Gregorian and someone else.
And the other one got it.
And now, good night.
You can't say good night after you said someone else got it.
How do you know two people were involved? Because there were two plans to blow the lights.
Maybe one of them was a backup plan for the other one.
I don't think so.
Good night.
Good night, Mac.
Mac, who do you think was after the necklace? If I answer that, will you let me get some sleep? Yes.
I don't know.
Mac, you must have some idea who was after it.
Hmm, well, it was whoever fired the gun.
How do you know it wasn't Gregorian who fired the gun? There would be nitrate residue on his sleeve.
The gun wasn't traceable, but whoever fired it will have traces of nitrate on his sleeve.
I know that.
I used to do the gun powder test for my dad.
And now, let's get some sleep.
Mac, do you think that one of the people that we've known for a real long time could have been pressured into doing something like this? [water running] What? Do you think one of our friends did it? Well, if you're asking me if one of our friends is an attempted murderer, the answer is, yes.
I can't hear a word you're saying.
I said yes, it's possible.
Commissioner, you'll never guess (Mildred) Oh, I didn't knock.
I always knock.
I mean, I knock even when there's no reason to knock.
I should have knocked.
Come in, Mildred.
Commissioner, Agnes is downstairs.
She feels very badly that she didn't go to the police.
But she was afraid the police would think she'd done it.
Because of her record, and then she'd get fired.
Agnes, what happened Wednesday night? She came home with a terrible headache.
And she saw that big man open the safe and take out the necklace.
She was terrified.
Go on, Agnes.
He looked at the necklace and put it back in the safe and then turned around and saw her watching him.
Well, she ran.
Agnes, now, this is important.
If you had a headache, why didn't you stay home? Because Mr.
and Mrs.
DuSeine insisted that she go out.
Agnes, is that true? Thank you, Agnes.
You've been very helpful.
Commissioner, you've made Agnes very happy today.
[whispering] I don't think Alex and Connie are going to say the same.
(Connie) Mac, it wasn't a fake.
(Mac) Kleinschmidt and Gregorian knew it was a fake.
That's why they left it in the safe.
It was not a fake.
You had a copy made, didn't you, Connie? Why would I put a copy in the safe? Because of your husband.
You didn't want him to know you'd allowed the real necklace to be pawned.
Mac, you were there when the jeweler authenticated my necklace.
The authentication was what created the problem.
You made Chuck go down to Corlino's and borrow the real necklace.
Chuck? Oh, come on, Mac.
You were followed when you left the jeweler's.
The detective saw you and Chuck exchanging packages.
You obviously switched back to the phony necklace to wear at the ball.
Boy! I feel safe in a city with a police commissioner as perceptive as you are.
Connie, if Chuck dies, you could be an accessory to murder.
Do you understand that? Now, for the last time, was that necklace a fake? Yes.
[sighs] All right.
Now I need to know who stole the necklace at the ball.
Why don't you just go on? You seem to have theorized it beautifully.
I think you stole your own necklace to cover up the deception.
Which is not a crime, Connie, unless you file an insurance claim.
The only thing you're guilty of, so far, is a lover's indiscretion.
[pouring water] I stole the necklace myself.
I needed money.
For Chuck? Yes.
So he could cover stock manipulations.
I love him.
So you did it for Chuck? And Alex did it for you.
Alex? He didn't want you to know he needed the money.
He was afraid he'd lose you.
So he set up the first robbery with Gregorian to get the insurance money.
For me? There's a bitter irony in it, Connie.
If Alex hadn't stolen for you, he never would have found out about your infidelity.
Alex shot Chuck? Yes.
(Enright) Yes, sir.
Get on down to Gregorian's and check Alex's costume before it's dry-cleaned.
There's a possibility it might have nitrate on the sleeve.
I'll pick up Alex.
Yes, sir.
Do you want to stay here awhile? Can l? Sure.
I need a minute or two to catch my breath, sort out my life.
Stay as long as you like.
Very reasonable rates.
You're--you're a very special man, Mac.
I hope Sally realizes that.
I remind her of it every night.
If you need anything, ask my secretary, huh? [bell ringing] [birds chirping] You know, I'm really looking forward to this, Alex.
But I've got to warn you, I only know two things about fencing.
A Douglas and Fairbanks.
Don't worry, Sally.
I'll teach you.
Pick a foil.
One that feels good to you.
Try this.
Good? Follow me.
Oh, Alex, here's your costume.
I'll return it for you.
I've got to take ours back, too.
Oh, no, thank you, Sally.
I'll bring it back myself on Monday.
50 a day? Not to mention the weekend.
You'll be losing.
I'm glad to do it, Alex.
No, thank you, Sally.
Listen, I'm going there anyway.
Why not? Anyway, this one needs cleaning.
It's got, uh Looks like nitrate, um, on the sleeve.
You're a very bright girl, Sally.
But that was very stupid.
What do you know? Well, I don't know if I know what I know.
I mean, I probably don't know half as much as I know, you know? Why don't we start fencing? We are fencing, Sally.
Oh, maybe we better quit.
You've put yourself in a very unfortunate situation.
Alex, if you've got something to hide, w-w-why don't you just go to Mac and tell him? I'm sure he'll do everything he can to help you.
Now, that's not my nature, Sally.
You don't know me.
Alex, you broke the tip off your foil.
I regret to say that there's going to be a terrible fencing accident.
[screams] I can't kill you outright, Sally.
I'll have to make it look like an accident.
Kill me? You're not kidding? I'm afraid not.
[groans] Alex, stop this.
You don't want to kill me.
That's true.
But I have to.
Fight back! How can l? Alex, stop this.
Alex, stop this.
Alex! I'm leaving, Mac, and she's leaving with me.
Don't be foolish.
Hold it.
One more step, Commissioner, and you will be a widower.
Come on! Oh! Oh, Mac, here.
(Sally) Go on.
Go on.
(Sally) Mac, watch it! I'll call the cops! (Mac) Do that.
Get me the police.
Right! [electric saw whirring] (Sally) Mac! Book him.
Yes, sir.
(Mac) Burglary, attempted murder.
Listen, Commissioner, next time, you should pick up the clothing and I should pick up the suspect.
Yes, Enright, we'll have to work that out.
[inhales] [sighing] I'm glad it's over.
Guess what? My back is fine.
I think it was the fencing.
Now we can take the board out of the bed.
It'll be my pleasure.
[phone rings] Hello.
Yes, this is he.
Right, good.
What was that? Good news.
Soup is gonna be okay.
Oh, good.
Mildred, I thought you might be interested in knowing you can rest easy.
The man who comes through windows is going to be just fine.
And from now on will come through the front door.
And don't disturb us, Mildred.
Yeah, we will.
Thank you.
Good night.
That was sweet of you to need an excuse to call Mildred so that she wouldn't disturb us.
Well, now that the board's coming out of the bed Sally? Sally.
I got to like it on the floor, Mac.