Men in Kilts: A Roadtrip with Sam and Graham (2021) s01e04 Episode Script

Witchcraft & Superstition

[laughing] Oh, fuck.
What the fuck?
I'm going to kill him.
He's dead. He's--
I'm gonna get you.
[upbeat music]

[Graha Scotland is a land
of many superstitions.
[Sam] That's quite true.
There's a superstition
about the direction
-you stir your porridge.
You wanna stir your porridge
is it clockwise
or anticlockwise?
It's pretty important you know.
Basically to ward off
the devil.
-I feel like I didn't--
haven't been getting it right.
Have you been turning it
in the wrong direction?
-I think I have.
-Yeah, you are basically
Satan's little helper.
Whenever I make porridge, yeah.
They say Satan's clever.
He'd hardly catch
many unsuspecting souls
if he laid his traps
in bogs and tunnels.
Do you have superstitions?
I bet you do.
-The only one I really have
-I bet you do.
to be honest,
is when I run a marathon.
I'll always have a new pair
of socks for each marathon.
Well, I mean,
that's-that's not superstition.
That's just hygiene.
Do you have any superstitions?
Yeah, I kind of do.
I have these sort of weird--
Black cat!
Wow. Uh I used--
-C-can I continue?
I don't want this episode to be
just one near heart attack
after another for me,
if that's okay.
-Aye, okay.
Oh, my God! What's that?
Oh, shoot, it was just a
Ho-ho! Oh. Oh.
[Sam] I'm going to have
such a good day.
[Graham] Yeah,
you're gonna get it so--oh.
[Sam] Scotland's landscape
is littered
with castles,
cemeteries, and ruins.
The past is ever present,
and the barrier between
the world of the living
and the world of the dead
is especially thin.
[Graham] In years past,
Highlanders would summon
ancestral spirits
to stand alongside them
in battle.
Now Scots invoke
the memory of the dead
through quaint superstitions
and terrifying ghost stories.
[Sam] And it's not just ghosts
that haunt the Scottish mind.
The devil himself lurks
around every corner
and in every shadow.
[Graham] It was
this ever-present specter
of the devil
that led to the passage
of 1563's Witchcraft Act.
[Sam] Still, the old ways are
neither gone nor forgotten.
[Graham] Many modern Scots keep
the ancient flame of paganism
burning brightly
like the bonfires of Beltane.
[Sam] With all this
as backdrop, is it any wonder
that Diana Gabaldon said
of Scotland
"There's no place on Earth
"with more of the old
superstitions and magic
mixed into its daily life."
Here we are
in Greyfriars Kirkyard.
[Sam] Part church, part prison,
and part graveyard.
[Graham] Yeah.
It's the final resting place
of the Covenanters,
Scotland's most famous
religious dissidents.
-[Graham] Yes.
-[Sam] And this is a woman
that proclaims
that as a child,
she would draw skulls.
your job title is
-Death historian.
-[Graham] A death historian.
A death historian.
And this is, as you said,
one of your-your favorite
It is a remarkably
spooky place
and in fact, actually, I think,
possibly one of the most
populated places in Edinburgh
under the ground.
-By far.
-[Graham] Really?
-[Sam] Yes.
-By far.
We are talking
fingers and everything
-Coming out of the ground.
-coming out of the ground.
-Up here
-[Charlotte] Mm-hmm.
-there was a prison where
-[Charlotte] Yes. Yes.
[Graham] Oh, yeah, there's--
oh, yeah.
[Sam] hundreds of people
were-were buried.
Do you wanna go in a prison?
-I thi--[laughs] I do.
-[laughs] You do?
Can we go and have a look
in a prison?
There's so much to see here.
I think we should start
wandering along.
Are you gonna get naked
in the prison?
-Um that--well--
Well, you've done that already,
haven't you, Sam?
You-you never know.
It did happen in Outlander.
[Graham] Yes, you did.
I seem to remember that, yeah.
[Sam] It is a remarkable place.
Is it--dare I ask,
is it haunted as the bells
-Well, does it feel haunted?
-go off?
Well, by tradition,
every single burial ground
is haunted
because the last person
to be buried
in a graveyard
or a burial ground
is meant to look after
the rest of the bodies.
[Graham] Tell us a little bit
about the Covenanters.
[Sam] Who were Presbyterian
religious dissidents.
[Charlotte] Yes, Charles I,
who was the last monarch
to be born in Scotland,
he was under
the Episcopalian faith
rather than
the Presbyterian faith.
He brought in
the new prayer book
and the whole of Edinburgh
rioted about this.
They did not want
this new prayer book.
Here at Greyfriars,
there was a riot of women
who chased the minister
out of the building
because they were not gonna
have this new prayer book.
This man here,
we have Alexander Henderson.
He was one
of the founding people
who wrote up
the-the National Covenant.
[Graham] Oh. Hence Covenanters.
This was signed
inside Greyfriars Kirk itself.
And basically they were saying,
"We are loyal subjects
to the king."
"We're quite happy to do
whatever the king wishes.
"Just take the Episcopalianism
out of Scotland
and we'll all be fine."
[Sam] King Charles clearly
didn't agree.
[Charlotte] We're going towards
the Covenanters' prison now.
The Covenanters
were rounded up.
There was over a thousand
of them.
-And they were brought here.
-[Graham] A thousand?
-[Charlotte] Over a thousand.
-[Graham] In here?
[Sam] Wow.
But basically
just an open piece of ground.
[Charlotte] Open to the damp,
the cold.
They got one penny loaf a day.
That was their ration each.
So a lot of people died
of starvation
while they were here.
What it came down to is
380 people left.
They stuck by their guns.
The Covenanters believed
they were God's people.
-They were not gonna back down.
-May we go in?
[Charlotte] I'm quite happy
to take you into the prison.
-[Graham] Please.
-[Sam] Thank you, then.
After you.
No, really, I insist.
After you.
[sighs] Oh, God.
[eerie music plays]

[Graham] Are-are you
locking us in?
[Charlotte] I am locking us in.
-[Graham] Yeah, fine.
-[Sam] Is there a reason?
It's best to have people
unable to get in.
A homeless man broke in
on a really dark
and stormy night.
[Graham] Uh-huh.
He saw this grate
at the bottom.
And through the grate,
he saw some stairs.
Yes. Now, let me guess.
-He went down the stairs.
-He went down the stairs.
-Why? Why?
-Don't go down the stairs?
He went down the stairs.
If you're in a graveyard,
it's simple.
-Don't go down the stairs.
-Rule 101 of horror movies.
He's homeless. He's cold.
Meanwhile, in the graveyard,
Graeme the caretaker
and his little pooch
were walking around.
Ah, Graeme the caretaker.
Not sure if it's Graham
with a H.
It's another Graeme.
Don't worry.
[Graham] Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Graeme hears a noise
coming from
George Mackenzie's tomb,
which is meant to be haunted
because George Mackenzie,
atrocities against the people,
it was said
that his spirit would
never be allowed to rest.
We have
the homeless man downstairs,
and he sees three wooden boxes.
[Graham] He doesn't open them.
What's inside the wooden box?
No, he does not.
-He opens
-Oh, for goodness' sake.
the wooden box
and steps back,
and as he steps back,
the wooden flooring gives way
and he falls
into another burial pit.
Graeme sees
this horrendous face
coming up towards him.
-Covered in gunk.
-Covered in gunk.
Graeme and the dog go running
one way out of the graveyard,
and this homeless man
goes off elsewhere.
We don't know what happened
to the homeless man.
He's probably still in shock,
I think.
Graeme's not
a caretaker anymore.
Should imagine not.
But this is
where it goes sinister.
-Oh, there's more.
-There's more.
Oh, sorry.
Shall we continue walking?
No, we don't need
to continue walking.
Oh, we're here, are we?
-[Charlotte] We are here.
-[Graham] Oh, God!
[Sam] Oh.
On that fateful night,
something was released
from George Mackenzie's tomb.
Whatever was meant to torment
George Mackenzie forevermore
was released out of that coffin
that night,
and for some reason,
it has taken its leave
in the Covenanters' prison.
Après vous.
I just--I'm really scared!
I'm really scared.
Listen, I'm not
normally somebody
who is scared
about this sort of thing, but--
No, you're not.
You know--okay, let's just
take in the view, okay?
-A black hole
-with an iron gate.
In you go, gentlemen.
After you.
[Graham] Holy shit.
It's horrible.
It is.
All right, you'll just notice
some of the area
in the ceiling up here,
-the discoloration.
-[Graham] Yes.
[Sam] Wait. Oh, don't.
-[Graham] Is that your--
[Charlotte] I have to tell you
what happens in here
and I have to keep you
locked in.
-Is that your idea?
-Wasn't my idea.
Now we are locked
into the Black Mausoleum.
I'm gonna pass you
these photographs.
Oh, yes. Photographs. Great.
[Sam] Oh, God, no.
These are photographs
that people have sent in
of things that have happened
to them
while they've been standing
within the Black Mausoleum.
They get burns,
bite marks, bruises,
and then there's the knockouts.
-The what?
-The what?
The knockouts.
People have been knocked out
in here?
If you're standing in there
and you feel an intense cold
building up inside you,
you can take a step
to the side.
Why-why-why-why-why-why would
we take a step to the side?
Because a few seconds later,
you will be on the ground.
Oh, I see. Right. Okay.
Now, I've seen big, burly men
end up on that floor.
-[Graham] Have you really?
-I have,
and I've had
nothing to do with it.
Why is the ceiling
so discolored?
I don't know.
This is one
of the weirdest places
I've ever been to in my life.
I think we should move on.
[upbeat music plays]
[Graham] I'm looking forward
to Wormiston House.
[Sam] Mm.
I'm looking forward to hearing
some of the stories
of the witch trials,
of the persecution, of--
well, of course, the thing is,
you know, they-they talked
about witchcraft,
but really, in-in fact, it was
just about persecuting people
who weren't doing
anything wrong.
That's the reality of it.
Well, I mean,
they were witches, right?
- They were witches, though.
I mean, if you're a witch
Geillis Duncan,
you're under arrest
for witchcraft.
-[glass shatters]
-Under whose orders?
Well, lookee here.
The other sorceress.
Would you have burnt me
as a witch?
-Really? No hesitation.
You would have gone
and reported
-to the witchfinder general
and said
-Yes. I'd say-
[with high-pitched voice]
"There's a man down the road.
He looks a bit witchy to me."
"There's definitely a stench
of witch coming off him."
"Yes, I saw him--I saw him
dancing with Satan
in his garden."
"He does funny voices too.
He speaks like the devil."
[normally] Right.
Well, that's good to know.
Weren't actors burnt,
um, or at least mistrusted?
-Oh, actors? Oh, my goodness.
They used to bury actors
at crossroads,
I think sometimes with a stake
through their heart,
because they-they were
so terrified
of them, um, coming back,
because they didn't trust them
because they could pretend
to be other people.
It was a very terrifying time
to live.
Pretty much like right now
with you.
[dramatic music plays]

"Light thickens
"and the crow makes wing
to the rooky wood.
"Good things of day
begin to droop and drowse,
"and night's black agents
to their preys do rouse.
"Ere the bat hath flown
his cloistered flight
"and the shard-borne beetle
with his drowsy hums
"has rung night's yawning peal,
there shall be done
a deed of dreadful note."

-[Leonard] Hello, sir.
Leonard Low.
Pleasure to meet you.
I'm not sure I'm gonna shake
your hand, Mr. Low.
I see your T-shirt
with a cauldron
with skeletons being burnt
by the devil
as the crow makes its way
towards the wicked wood.
-Rooky wood. Rooky wood.
-Rooky wood.
I love it when you quote
Shakespeare; it's great.
Can't mention witches
without mentioning Shakespeare.
He learnt the story
of the three witches of Forres
and incorporated it
into Macbeth,you see?
That's a true story.
And the Spence family
that built Wormiston Castle,
they're related
to the MacDuffs of-of Macbeth.
I dare-daren't ask,
but this magnificent house,
castle, Wormiston,
what happened here?
The Lindsay family took
this house over in 1621.
They were the sheriffs
of Crail.
Crail's a little village
just around the coast.
Recently, I was speaking
to Sir James Lindsay.
"James, your ancestors
were the sheriff.
"And they would've stood
in jurisdiction
over my ancestor, Bessie Mason,
who was burnt for a witch."
-Your ancestor was burnt
as a witch?
-Yes, aye.
Aye, burnt as a witch,
and it was the owner
of this castle,
his ancestors that did it.
[Graham] And Scotland
was particularly zealous
in its persecution of witches,
wasn't it
-compared to anywhere else.
Well, in England,
it was treated as a crime,
a crime that you could-
you could be hanged for.
Right, right.
But in Scotland,
it was treated as heresy,
and heresy, you have to be
burned. Every bit of you.
Oh, of course.
You have to be burnt.
Burn the witch! Burn them both!
[crowd shouting]
Conduct the prisoners
to the pyre, if you please.
I think it's about time
we went and saw
where all the action took place
in the dungeon.
Oh, great.
Yes, let's go to the dungeon.
-Fantastic. I can't wait.
Let's go to the scary place.
Let's go to the big scary place
where there's no exit.
Jail cells in Scotland
weren't that secure,
but this one is a beauty.
If you come here--I've got-
I've got a bowl of food.
[Sam] I don't really know
if I want
to follow you anywhere.
This is a bowl of lovely stones
and a bit of, uh, fresh, uh,
whatever that is,
and-and what-what you'd do
as, um, the jailer,
you'd feed your witches
by pushing that through there
to feed 'em.
So if you could push that
through there
-you'll get an idea--
-Oh! No! No!
-Oh, God! Oh, God!
-Not again!
-Oh, damn you!
-I knew it!
-I'm gonna get you for that.
-I knew it.
-Was it you?
-I knew you couldn't trust him.
It's a hungry witch.
So we're going in, are we?
-[both] Yeah.
Oh, God, I don't know
if I wanna go in there.
Well, yeah, after you.
Definitely after you.
-[Sam] Go on!
-[thumps door]
[Leonard] Are you gonna
come out, though?
There's no one there.
-Oh, my God.
-[Leonard laughs]
[Graham] Oh, God. Oh.
It's very cramped.
-[Sam] Yeah, no.
-You're going next.
-[Graham] Wow.
We need-we need a light.
-Come on in, Sam. Don't be shy.
-[Sam] Oh, God.

This is
a truly terrifying collection
of ironmongery
that you have here.
[Leonard] A witch is to confess
to her sins.
Normally, they would deny all
accusations of witchcraft
the-the-the end result
doesn't look too good for them.
[Graham] Mm.
[Leonard] But they had
these methods
to get a confession
through torture.
What we have here is, uh,
16th-century, uh, thumb screws.
-Ah, the thumb screw. Okay.
-The dreaded thumb screw.
Now, if I lift, uh,
this up here
and you stick a couple
of thumbs in there
-[Sam] "I'm not a witch."
-[Sam] "I'm not a witch."
-Oh, immediately
But see, we-we've got
this device here
to twist it down to nothing.
Okay, you can stop now, Sam.
And-and it got--
That's actually getting
quite sore.
This would crush your bones.
I can't take my thumbs out now.
[Leonard] I'd have a confession
in front of you now.
-"Sign it."
-So they'd be standing--
-"Sign it."
And of course, you go "No."
I would just tighten it more.
-And then keep going and--
-Yeah. Yeah.
When it came
to making their mark,
many couldn't make their mark
because they'd had
their fingers destroyed
in the torture process.
[Sam] If he was deemed a witch,
then maybe I might use
one of these.
You wouldn't believe it,
but this is one
of the lighter punishments.
Before the Witchcraft Act
came into being,
many witches were found
and they-they were simply tried
in the courts
and banished,
and to be banished,
you had to be branded.
-You'd be branded a witch.
-Where would you be branded?
You'd be branded in the face,
on the cheek.
-On the forehead, or
-Around the cheek.
Is this your own personal item?
Uh, no.
Uh, y-yes, I collect these--
You can loosen them now.
I-I collect these-these items.
Oh, let me help you with that.
These-these are-these are
actually real.
-Yes, I'll take one of these.
-Thank you.
-This is a pricker.
Oh, look. It's just a little
It's like a needle--
needle or something.
It-it's a brass bodkin needle.
Um, now, this would be thrust
into his body
um, inch by inch,
arm, back, face.
-Anywhere I want?
[Leonard] If you're one
of the devil's creatures
and he's given you
his baptism rites of his own
and he's taken away
your Christian baptism rites,
he's left a mark on your body
that is insensible to pain.
So I need to prick you
with this thing
until I get a spot on your body
which you're not gonna go--
-Which it doesn't hurt.
When you don't--where it--
that's so diabolically awful.
[Sam] What's this, Leonard?
[Leonard] Oh, this is-this is
another device.
[Leonard] See, you-you've-
you've entered the jail.
You need to be restrained,
you see?
-Well, we'd--
Hold on. Hold on.
Hold on. Hold on.
-What's going on here?
-We'd unscrew this, you see.
Well, you're-you're clearly
a witch,
so we need to lock you up.
How did I become the witch?
Just shh--see, witches--
you're talking too much.
-You would've totally--
-Keep talking, you.
-If there was anybody-anybody--
-Yes, come on.
Let me just-let me just
help you with this
so that I don't actually cut
my own--
And then his hands
through here, is it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just put his hands in there.
One of his little witchy wrists
and your other
witchy one there.
Hold on. Hold on.
All right, mate. Calm down.
-There we go.
-We're all having fun now.
-You just tighten that up now.
-Yeah, we tighten it up there.
Yes, not so clever now,
are you, witch?
That's actually
really quite solid.
-Did you--listen.
-[Sam] Ah.
Can I--hold on one second.
Hold on one second.
-What the--holy shit.
-Let's just get that on there.
-Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.
-What-what are you doing?
-Come on, witch.
-He's making an awful noise.
[groans] Oh.
-Now, this is a witch's branks.
This'd be your first initial
walk through the village.
You'd go for a walk with this,
and, uh,
everyone would be like,
"Oh, look, there's a witch."
'Cause why else would you be
wearing it?
[Sam] Then we could
throw things at him.
[Graham] They'd throw things
at me as well?
They'd be thinking, um,
"That ship that sunk
last week,
the crops that failed,
the-the child that died"
[Graham] Basically anything
that had gone wrong
in the village
or in the community
they would blame
on the poor soul
that was walking along
with all this clobber on.
[Leonard] You would get it.
Are you gonna confess?
-Could you--
-Are you gonna confess?
I-I'm gonna confess something
in a minute, yeah.
Are you gonna confess?
C-could you do me
a favor, Leonard,
and, uh, actually remove this
from my arms?
-What do you reckon?
The problem is,
we don't have the key.
We don't know
if he's a witch yet.
I'll tell you what, Leonard.
Why don't we go have
a cup of tea
and-and we'll come back and see
if he'll confess later on?
You just stay there.
I think it's probably gonna
fall off eventually.
Pints time, is it?
Oh. Okay.
[light buzzing]
[upbeat music plays]

We're in the Outer Hebrides,
the Isle of Lewis,
a beautiful, beautiful island.
[Sam] This is one
of the most iconic locations
[mysterious rumbling]
-After me?
-After you.
Thank you.
-There you go.
-Oh! Ooh.
-[speaking indistinctly]
So here we are.
We're in Callanish Stones.
[Sam] Feels like
I'm coming home a little bit.
[soft music plays]
[Graham] Just look at them.
I mean,
they're like works of art.
They're truly beautiful.
[Sam] SoOutlander took casts
of some of these stones.
[Graham] Did they?
They came up here--
[Sam] T hey came up here
and took a cast of it.
But they're in the studio,
and these get moved around
and we put them
in different locations.
But it's amazing to actually
be here and see them.
When you come over
the-the brow of the hill here
you see them standing
on-on the landscape,
they are-they're really
quite something.
They are-they are amazing,
and this is one of the--
I think, the most impressive
stone circles in Britain,
if not Europe.
I mean, there's--
I've been to a few.
Avebury's great.
Obviously, Stonehenge.
[Sam] Stonehenge, obviously.
[Graham] This is
the Stonehenge of the north.
[Sam laughing] It-it is.
-[Graham] It is.
-[Sam] It is.
And is this the stone
in the show
-This is the one.
-that Claire touches?
This is the one, and actually,
there was a point
where we did a shoot
for one of the seasons
where we had the stone
in a studio
surrounded by, I think,
a hundred cameras,
-so we did
this amazing sequence
-Oh wow.
where it spins around
and I'm on one side
and Caitriona
was on the other.
Um yeah, so we just need
to get a hundred cameras
and we could
re-create it here.
Whatev-whatever reason they had
for bringing these things here,
-they had a reason,
and it was-it was-it was
a reason that was enough
for them to drag these
a mile and a half.
Can you imagine?
What was it--
when were these built?
Two thousand nine hundred B.C.
Right, so 4--
nearly 5,000 years ago,
they did that.
I don't know
how they would have done it.
I don't know how they did it.
There's loads of myths
about these stones.
They may have been giants
that were frozen,
the ones that didn't convert
to Christianity.
They don't--as they say,
don't know
what they were used for,
some sort of pagan ritual,
maybe a gathering spot.
Some people think
they were used
for the cycles of the moon.
[Graham] Yeah.
-Um, different times
of the year,
every sort of 18 years,
I think,
there's-there's a point where
the sun hits a certain point.
[Graham] Yeah.
Do you think that the people
who put these here
could ever have imagined
that they would've been used
for a television show
about time traveling
back to the Highlands
of Scotland?
I think they'd be-be
pretty happy about it.
-Would they?
Maybe they'd be--
Maybe that's why
they were built.
One thing's for certain,
they would've known things
-that have been lost
the people
that brought these here.
And, uh--but that's
kind of wonderful in a way,
that we'll--we don't know.
Sometimes it's good to--
for-for mystery in life,
don't you think?
I would love to have gone back
into that time
and seen-seen
what went on here
and felt the excitement
of being at this site
and the-the-the-the awe
and seeing the sun set
or the-the moon rise and--
it-it must have been--for them,
it must have been so magical.
Forgive me,
but I have to do this.
Do what?
No one's here really,
and, um, it's my only chance.
I mean, I see
every other tourist do it.
Can we-can we just do it
Yes, yes, yes.
-I'm-I'm sorry, mate.
I-I'm gonna break it
to you gently.
It's not gonna work.
The magic of television?
It's fiction.
-It's fiction.
-What, going through the stone?
You seem to have really
have gone into this weird place
where you actually think
that you're really a Highlander
living in the 18th-centu--
Just touch the stones.
You're telling me
if I touch this,
I won't go through the stone?
Touch the stones.
-You wanna make a bet?
-I'm prepared to be surprised.
[mysterious rumbling]
Yep. Go on.
Here he goes.
Still here.
-There you go.
-Feel better now?
Okay, which way is it now?
That way? Which way?
[soft music plays]

[Sam] Do you have
any pagan tendencies?
[Graham] I do, yes.
I was actually a druid
in a past life.
[Sam] Oh.
I ask because our next stop
is a Beltane celebration.
Beltane falls on my birthday,
and it--
Right. Okay.
For many years growing up,
there used to be
this big Beltane festival
-in Edinburgh.
-Your mum used to come in
covered in paint,
whirling fire?
[with high-pitched voice]
[with high-pitched voice]
"Happy birthday, Sam."
"Happy birthday, Sam."
"I'm going to swallow fire
for you."
"I'm now going to burn you
at the stake."
[normally] I never quite know
whether these people
really believe
in the pagan festival
or they just like
a good old party
where they sort of
throw fire around.
Yeah, I think-I think there's
definitely a mix of people,
people that take it
really seriously
and those that are there
just for a really good time.
[ethereal music plays]

I'm so excited.
-[Graham laughs]
-[Sam] Can you tell?
We decided
to-to re-create Beltane here,
which is, uh, a pagan festival
which celebrates--
Justina, you can
maybe help us here.
-Beltane is the celebration
of fertility
-when everything comes
to full-full-blown life.
-Fertility stuff.
-It feels very positive, right?
-It is.
So what are we, uh--
what are we to expect?
[Sam] Or experience tonight?
[Justina] Well, we are going
to light this fire.
Fire has always been
the element
which drew people together.
And we are going to sing
and dance around it
and celebrate being alive,
being here,
celebrate our ancestors
who were here before us,
and just open up for whatever-
whatever may happen.
Let's be open
to whatever may happen.
Whatever may happen.
Goodness me.
I-I've certainly
discovered that
in the last several weeks.
Whatever may happen, yes.
Let's get the fire started.
Let's get this fire started,
[drum beating]

[people whooping and cheering]
[mysterious flute music plays]

[screams echo]

-Come on!
[Graham] Oh, yeah!
[bagpipe dance music plays]

-[cheers and applause]
-[Graham] Yeah!

Oh, mate. Wow.
It's been insane, hasn't it?
And--sorry to bring it up,
but, uh, you did seem
to attempt
to, uh, scare me to death.
But I-I wanted to take
this moment to just say
-I remember that.
there were a couple
other things we wanted to try,
You needed me
for the rest of the show.
Yeah, unfortunately.
But anyway,
here's to paganism, eh?
To paganism.

Oh, God.
Oh, God, you're not
getting naked again, are you?
Come on, mate!
-Oh, all right.
-Let's go.
All right, all right,
all right.
-He's like a child.

-I don't want to go, Jamie.
-Come on, Claire.
-You gotta go back.
-I don't--no.
There's no place for you here.
Jamie, no.
But you're so wonderful.
Stop it. Stop. Stop.
Leave me alone, Claire.
-You're so pretty.
-You're leaning--what--
No, I've not touched it yet.
I'm not touching it.
Oh, you're not touching it?
Sorry, we're-we're completely
losing our minds now.

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