Mike Tyson Mysteries (2014) s01e04 Episode Script
Is Magic Real?
1
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
MIKE: Come on, guys.
We got a new message.
Hey, what the hell?
We got a new message.
"Is Magic real?"
Signed, an Old Wizard.
PIGEON: Hmm.
A wizard who's lost
his faith in magic.
That's ironic.
Ironic and sad.
You guys believe in
magic, right?
PIGEON: No.
MARQUESS: No, not really.
But you're a ghost.
I think you're kind of magic.
Mmm
No, sorry, I just don't.
I've always been a
man of reason.
Come on, man, what about you?
You were turned into a pigeon
by a witch.
Well, slow down, there.
Sandra said she was gonna
turn me into a pigeon if I
cheated on her one more time.
I, of course, immediately
cheated on her.
But then, you know what?
I think I would have just,
uh, transformed
into a pigeon on my own.
Like, I think it would, uh
You know.
What's gonna happen's
gonna happen.
Nope, there's no magic in
this world, my friend.
Yung, you believe
in magic, right?
I believe in the magic
of hard work.
The magic of hard work?
That's the most depressing
thing I've ever heard.
Are the only ones left
that believe in magic me
and this Old Wizard?
Well, you can't include him.
Clearly he's not sure,
or he wouldn't be asking
the question.
(GASPS)
All of you cold-hearted
skepticalities is causing
a flight or
-fight feeling in my body.
-What?
All of you cold-hearted
skepticalities
is causing a fight or
flight feeling in my body.
Oh, uh still what.
To the Mystery Mobile!
PIGEON: No. No.
No, no, no!
Don't close the blinds.
YUNG: Dad!
MARQUESS: Michael!
MARQUESS: Slow down!
MIKE: It's fight or flight,
Marquess, and I'm flighty.
We gotta find out
once and for all, is there
magic in this world,
and then find the Old Wizard
and tell him.
And then, and only then,
will this fight or flight
feeling leave.
And go away.
PIGEON: Why do you care
about magic so much?
I have been through
some real hard times,
and to get through them,
I believe that there
is something out there.
Like, um, someone
had a plan for me.
That my life had a purpose.
-You mean, like, God?
-No, not that fairytale
stuff, honey.
I'm talking about leprechauns.
-Oh, my.
-That's right.
I once saw a real live
leprechaun, while visiting
the Emerald Isles.
If he exists, then
that proves that magic exists.
To the Mystery Mobile!
We're in the
Mystery Mobile, Dad.
Are we really going
to Ireland?
No.
The Emerald Isle Bar and Grill
inside the Camelot Hotel.
You can't drive to Ireland,
Marquess.
Where's the Emerald Isle at?
Wait! Why don't you ask him?
Isn't he a magician?
No way.
He doesn't do magic.
He does illusions.
Like, I got your nose
or something.
It's okay, Marquess.
It's okay.
I don't have your nose.
It's just my thumb tip.
MIKE: It's just an illusion.
MARQUESS:
Yeah, I wasn't worried.
It's just a mean thing to
do to kids, okay?
MARQUESS: Michael. Michael!
YUNG: Dad,
where are you going?
-Stop abusing kids!
-(CROWD GASPING)
-Oh, my Michael!
-YUNG: Dad!
-The Emerald Isle!
-Michael, stop running away.
I was here one time,
and the whole place was
decorated in green.
And everyone here was
wearing green.
And the beer was green.
And it was crazy how
everything was green.
I think it was Valentine's Day
or something.
And you were here.
And you were a leprechaun.
Saint Patrick's Day.
They make me put on costume.
For joke.
It was a costume?
You're not a leprechaun?
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
There's no such thing.
MAN:
You want some rose?
MIKE: I guess since
that guy wasn't a leprechaun,
there really isn't no magic
in this world, huh?
I don't know how we're
gonna ever break this to the
Old Wizard who sent the note.
I don't know how we're ever
gonna find the Old Wizard
who sent the note.
PIGEON: Well, you know
what I don't know?
Is why we're doing any of it.
Ever.
Lost ticket pay's max,
lords and ladies.
-You're the Old Wizard!
-You got my note!
No way! The chances
that we run into you, man
Aw, it gots to be magic.
I I wrote on the note
exactly where to find me.
"You can find me
in the parking garage of
the Camelot Hotel."
Damn.
-Not magic.
-(CAR HONKING)
Why Why don't we
go somewhere else and hear
this wizard's story?
(GASPING)
I know his story.
MIKE: He's not a wizard.
He's a professional gambler.
His nickname was the Wizard
because of his beard.
They also call him
"That ZZ Top Guy,"
but the Wizard was
more appropriate, because
he was like magic.
How he always seemed to know
what card was next.
Hit me.
MIKE: The Wizard got
the second greatest
hot streak of all time.
The first was by another guy
that we're not gonna
talk about right now.
Then, out of nowhere,
the casino lights shut down.
What are you assholes doing?
MIKE: They said
the Wizard was cheating,
and banned him forever,
and forced him to pay back
his winnings by working
here for $5 an hour.
-(CARS HONKING)
-How could I possibly
know all that?
-It's magic!
-No. That was also
on the note.
-Flip it open there.
-(HONKING CONTINUES)
MARQUESS:
Michael, they're honking.
It's like a comic book.
It got a bunch of
drawings and stuff.
OLD WIZARD:
Well, I was worried
you might be illiterate.
I wasn't cheating and
it wasn't luck.
I felt it.
It was magic.
There is no other explanation.
But then they banned me
and I haven't felt it since.
Gang, we gotta get the Wizard
gambling again to prove,
once and for all,
that magic is real!
Well, if he's banned
from the casino,
how can he gamble again?
I know a game,
a little more private.
MARQUESS: Okay, if we're
gonna keep talking,
we should get out of line.
-The one at the Sahara?
-Oh, no, I'm banned
from that one.
-The one at Imperial?
-MARQUESS:
This is just insensitive.
PIGEON: No. A bunch of guys
got stabbed at that one.
-(HONKING CONTINUES)
-The one at the Mandalay Bay?
PIGEON: There isn't one
at Mandalay Bay.
And
stop guessing!
-I could have told you
where it was 45 minutes ago.
-(HONKING CONTINUES)
Just pay the ticket and pull
out of here, and we can come
back and talk to this man.
-The one at Camelot?
-(HONKING CONTINUES)
-Stop honking!
-Mike, Mike, Mike!
-Dad, where are you going?
-MARQUESS: It's our fault!
-MARQUESS: This is insanity.
-WOMAN:
Get your car out of there!
I gotta take him to
the hospital!
How was I supposed
to know you had to go to
the hospital, you idiot?
Why the hell does it
take you an hour to get out
of the parking garage?
MIKE: Cause I was
having a conversation
with a wizard!
MARQUESS:
Oh, just get back in
the car, Michael.
-(WOMAN YELLING)
-Michael, just get back
in the car!
Hey, Oleg.
Got a late add.
What's the buy-in?
PIGEON: A million.
Mike'll stake you.
What? I don't have a
million dollars.
In fact, I don't even think
I can afford to keep solving
mysteries, you guys.
Huh.
Man, I gotta get a real job.
-Not tonight, you don't.
-MARQUESS:
What are you talking about?
-YUNG: (GROANING) Oh, God.
-MARQUESS:
Who is he talking to?
MARQUESS:
Who is that?
OLD WIZARD:
Is that Robert Redford?
You're in.
How the hell did you do that?
Robert Redford's always
hanging out at these hotels
offering people
a million dollars to sleep
with their wives.
I told him he could
sleep with mine.
I think I saw a movie about
that one time.
It starred Paul Newman.
Wait a minute.
You're divorced.
-I told him Yung Hee
was my wife.
-What?
Yeah, relax, she's 18.
She needs the experience.
(CHUCKLING)
Oh, no, I got that
fight or flight feeling again
and I'm flighty!
MAN: Ow!
MIKE: Sorry, sir.
Come on, come on.
(BLEEP) it.
Excuse me, fight or flight,
coming through.
MIKE: Excuse me!
Fight or flight is on his way!
(WOMAN SCREAMS)
Excuse me, ma'am.
Fight or flight.
Fight or flight!
ROBERT: What?
MIKE: Stop abusing kids!
-Dad!
-You shouldn't sleep with
somebody for money.
He didn't want to
sleep with me.
He wants me to come to
the Sundance Institute and
study filmmaking.
Then why are you
wearing that dress?
This is the Sundance
Film Institute school uniform.
They used to have
those varsity jackets,
but Robert found out
the leather sleeves
weren't vegan leather,
and so now everyone
at Sundance wears this.
Then why would he give
the Pigeon a million dollars?
Because there are
so few Asian American
female directors.
He's desperate for us
to have our voices heard.
MIKE: Paul Newman
is kind of like an angel, huh?
-YUNG: Robert Redford.
-What about him?
Oh, good. The Wizard's
still in the game!
MARQUESS:
Oh, look at you!
That's cute.
-I'm all in.
-(CROWD EXCLAIMING)
-(CROWD GASPING)
-OLD WIZARD: What?
-(MAN GIGGLING)
-I saw your cards!
OLD WIZARD:
How could this happen?
Was I always just imagining
seeing their cards?
Was I seeing?
Somebody answer me.
Is there really
no magic in the world?
(MAN SPUTTERING)
YUNG:
What's wrong with him?
-OLD WIZARD: Jesus.
-(MAN GURGLING)
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
-(MARQUESS YELPING)
-(YUNG SCREAMING)
(MUTTERING IN SPANISH)
(MUTTERING CONTINUES)
-(MARQUESS GASPING)
-Soy leprechaun!
I'm a leprechaun.
(LEPRECHAUN GIGGLING)
Do we all have leprechauns
inside of us?
Probably.
And that's that magic
that we
That we sense in the world.
And when they rip out of us
we'll die.
But are we really alive
if leprechauns
are controlling us?
Well, maybe that's a film
you could make at Sundance,
Yung Hee.
Explore the question of
what it's like for an
Asian American woman
to have a leprechaun
inside of her.
(PIGEON LAUGHING)
Ah.
I'm sorry.
I just
Please, make that film.
Because I think there
are a lot of people who want
to see what it's like
for an Asian American
woman to have a
leprechaun inside of her.
(LAUGHING)
(CHUCKLING)
Is this your card?
All right.
I told you, magic do exist.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
MIKE: Come on, guys.
We got a new message.
Hey, what the hell?
We got a new message.
"Is Magic real?"
Signed, an Old Wizard.
PIGEON: Hmm.
A wizard who's lost
his faith in magic.
That's ironic.
Ironic and sad.
You guys believe in
magic, right?
PIGEON: No.
MARQUESS: No, not really.
But you're a ghost.
I think you're kind of magic.
Mmm
No, sorry, I just don't.
I've always been a
man of reason.
Come on, man, what about you?
You were turned into a pigeon
by a witch.
Well, slow down, there.
Sandra said she was gonna
turn me into a pigeon if I
cheated on her one more time.
I, of course, immediately
cheated on her.
But then, you know what?
I think I would have just,
uh, transformed
into a pigeon on my own.
Like, I think it would, uh
You know.
What's gonna happen's
gonna happen.
Nope, there's no magic in
this world, my friend.
Yung, you believe
in magic, right?
I believe in the magic
of hard work.
The magic of hard work?
That's the most depressing
thing I've ever heard.
Are the only ones left
that believe in magic me
and this Old Wizard?
Well, you can't include him.
Clearly he's not sure,
or he wouldn't be asking
the question.
(GASPS)
All of you cold-hearted
skepticalities is causing
a flight or
-fight feeling in my body.
-What?
All of you cold-hearted
skepticalities
is causing a fight or
flight feeling in my body.
Oh, uh still what.
To the Mystery Mobile!
PIGEON: No. No.
No, no, no!
Don't close the blinds.
YUNG: Dad!
MARQUESS: Michael!
MARQUESS: Slow down!
MIKE: It's fight or flight,
Marquess, and I'm flighty.
We gotta find out
once and for all, is there
magic in this world,
and then find the Old Wizard
and tell him.
And then, and only then,
will this fight or flight
feeling leave.
And go away.
PIGEON: Why do you care
about magic so much?
I have been through
some real hard times,
and to get through them,
I believe that there
is something out there.
Like, um, someone
had a plan for me.
That my life had a purpose.
-You mean, like, God?
-No, not that fairytale
stuff, honey.
I'm talking about leprechauns.
-Oh, my.
-That's right.
I once saw a real live
leprechaun, while visiting
the Emerald Isles.
If he exists, then
that proves that magic exists.
To the Mystery Mobile!
We're in the
Mystery Mobile, Dad.
Are we really going
to Ireland?
No.
The Emerald Isle Bar and Grill
inside the Camelot Hotel.
You can't drive to Ireland,
Marquess.
Where's the Emerald Isle at?
Wait! Why don't you ask him?
Isn't he a magician?
No way.
He doesn't do magic.
He does illusions.
Like, I got your nose
or something.
It's okay, Marquess.
It's okay.
I don't have your nose.
It's just my thumb tip.
MIKE: It's just an illusion.
MARQUESS:
Yeah, I wasn't worried.
It's just a mean thing to
do to kids, okay?
MARQUESS: Michael. Michael!
YUNG: Dad,
where are you going?
-Stop abusing kids!
-(CROWD GASPING)
-Oh, my Michael!
-YUNG: Dad!
-The Emerald Isle!
-Michael, stop running away.
I was here one time,
and the whole place was
decorated in green.
And everyone here was
wearing green.
And the beer was green.
And it was crazy how
everything was green.
I think it was Valentine's Day
or something.
And you were here.
And you were a leprechaun.
Saint Patrick's Day.
They make me put on costume.
For joke.
It was a costume?
You're not a leprechaun?
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
There's no such thing.
MAN:
You want some rose?
MIKE: I guess since
that guy wasn't a leprechaun,
there really isn't no magic
in this world, huh?
I don't know how we're
gonna ever break this to the
Old Wizard who sent the note.
I don't know how we're ever
gonna find the Old Wizard
who sent the note.
PIGEON: Well, you know
what I don't know?
Is why we're doing any of it.
Ever.
Lost ticket pay's max,
lords and ladies.
-You're the Old Wizard!
-You got my note!
No way! The chances
that we run into you, man
Aw, it gots to be magic.
I I wrote on the note
exactly where to find me.
"You can find me
in the parking garage of
the Camelot Hotel."
Damn.
-Not magic.
-(CAR HONKING)
Why Why don't we
go somewhere else and hear
this wizard's story?
(GASPING)
I know his story.
MIKE: He's not a wizard.
He's a professional gambler.
His nickname was the Wizard
because of his beard.
They also call him
"That ZZ Top Guy,"
but the Wizard was
more appropriate, because
he was like magic.
How he always seemed to know
what card was next.
Hit me.
MIKE: The Wizard got
the second greatest
hot streak of all time.
The first was by another guy
that we're not gonna
talk about right now.
Then, out of nowhere,
the casino lights shut down.
What are you assholes doing?
MIKE: They said
the Wizard was cheating,
and banned him forever,
and forced him to pay back
his winnings by working
here for $5 an hour.
-(CARS HONKING)
-How could I possibly
know all that?
-It's magic!
-No. That was also
on the note.
-Flip it open there.
-(HONKING CONTINUES)
MARQUESS:
Michael, they're honking.
It's like a comic book.
It got a bunch of
drawings and stuff.
OLD WIZARD:
Well, I was worried
you might be illiterate.
I wasn't cheating and
it wasn't luck.
I felt it.
It was magic.
There is no other explanation.
But then they banned me
and I haven't felt it since.
Gang, we gotta get the Wizard
gambling again to prove,
once and for all,
that magic is real!
Well, if he's banned
from the casino,
how can he gamble again?
I know a game,
a little more private.
MARQUESS: Okay, if we're
gonna keep talking,
we should get out of line.
-The one at the Sahara?
-Oh, no, I'm banned
from that one.
-The one at Imperial?
-MARQUESS:
This is just insensitive.
PIGEON: No. A bunch of guys
got stabbed at that one.
-(HONKING CONTINUES)
-The one at the Mandalay Bay?
PIGEON: There isn't one
at Mandalay Bay.
And
stop guessing!
-I could have told you
where it was 45 minutes ago.
-(HONKING CONTINUES)
Just pay the ticket and pull
out of here, and we can come
back and talk to this man.
-The one at Camelot?
-(HONKING CONTINUES)
-Stop honking!
-Mike, Mike, Mike!
-Dad, where are you going?
-MARQUESS: It's our fault!
-MARQUESS: This is insanity.
-WOMAN:
Get your car out of there!
I gotta take him to
the hospital!
How was I supposed
to know you had to go to
the hospital, you idiot?
Why the hell does it
take you an hour to get out
of the parking garage?
MIKE: Cause I was
having a conversation
with a wizard!
MARQUESS:
Oh, just get back in
the car, Michael.
-(WOMAN YELLING)
-Michael, just get back
in the car!
Hey, Oleg.
Got a late add.
What's the buy-in?
PIGEON: A million.
Mike'll stake you.
What? I don't have a
million dollars.
In fact, I don't even think
I can afford to keep solving
mysteries, you guys.
Huh.
Man, I gotta get a real job.
-Not tonight, you don't.
-MARQUESS:
What are you talking about?
-YUNG: (GROANING) Oh, God.
-MARQUESS:
Who is he talking to?
MARQUESS:
Who is that?
OLD WIZARD:
Is that Robert Redford?
You're in.
How the hell did you do that?
Robert Redford's always
hanging out at these hotels
offering people
a million dollars to sleep
with their wives.
I told him he could
sleep with mine.
I think I saw a movie about
that one time.
It starred Paul Newman.
Wait a minute.
You're divorced.
-I told him Yung Hee
was my wife.
-What?
Yeah, relax, she's 18.
She needs the experience.
(CHUCKLING)
Oh, no, I got that
fight or flight feeling again
and I'm flighty!
MAN: Ow!
MIKE: Sorry, sir.
Come on, come on.
(BLEEP) it.
Excuse me, fight or flight,
coming through.
MIKE: Excuse me!
Fight or flight is on his way!
(WOMAN SCREAMS)
Excuse me, ma'am.
Fight or flight.
Fight or flight!
ROBERT: What?
MIKE: Stop abusing kids!
-Dad!
-You shouldn't sleep with
somebody for money.
He didn't want to
sleep with me.
He wants me to come to
the Sundance Institute and
study filmmaking.
Then why are you
wearing that dress?
This is the Sundance
Film Institute school uniform.
They used to have
those varsity jackets,
but Robert found out
the leather sleeves
weren't vegan leather,
and so now everyone
at Sundance wears this.
Then why would he give
the Pigeon a million dollars?
Because there are
so few Asian American
female directors.
He's desperate for us
to have our voices heard.
MIKE: Paul Newman
is kind of like an angel, huh?
-YUNG: Robert Redford.
-What about him?
Oh, good. The Wizard's
still in the game!
MARQUESS:
Oh, look at you!
That's cute.
-I'm all in.
-(CROWD EXCLAIMING)
-(CROWD GASPING)
-OLD WIZARD: What?
-(MAN GIGGLING)
-I saw your cards!
OLD WIZARD:
How could this happen?
Was I always just imagining
seeing their cards?
Was I seeing?
Somebody answer me.
Is there really
no magic in the world?
(MAN SPUTTERING)
YUNG:
What's wrong with him?
-OLD WIZARD: Jesus.
-(MAN GURGLING)
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
-(MARQUESS YELPING)
-(YUNG SCREAMING)
(MUTTERING IN SPANISH)
(MUTTERING CONTINUES)
-(MARQUESS GASPING)
-Soy leprechaun!
I'm a leprechaun.
(LEPRECHAUN GIGGLING)
Do we all have leprechauns
inside of us?
Probably.
And that's that magic
that we
That we sense in the world.
And when they rip out of us
we'll die.
But are we really alive
if leprechauns
are controlling us?
Well, maybe that's a film
you could make at Sundance,
Yung Hee.
Explore the question of
what it's like for an
Asian American woman
to have a leprechaun
inside of her.
(PIGEON LAUGHING)
Ah.
I'm sorry.
I just
Please, make that film.
Because I think there
are a lot of people who want
to see what it's like
for an Asian American
woman to have a
leprechaun inside of her.
(LAUGHING)
(CHUCKLING)
Is this your card?
All right.
I told you, magic do exist.