Mike Tyson Mysteries (2014) s01e07 Episode Script
Kidnapped!
1
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
TOUR GUIDE:
Miami University of Ohio
is so excited
to have you here.
Just over there is the stadium
where you'll be giving
your commencement address.
Oh boy, I just gotta say
this is a remarkable honor.
You didn't think
you were going
to Miami, Florida, did you?
Now why would
I think that, huh?
I'd have to be a moron
to think that.
You school is called
Miami of Ohio.
My plane ticket
was to Oxford, Ohio.
Did you think I would
just get on a plane
without even having any idea
where I was going?
ANNOUNCER:
This is the final call
for flight 1760
Ohio?
Well, some people
get confused.
Man, those people are morons,
and I feel sorry for them.
MARQUESS: What are you doing?
Mike said we could
solve a mystery
while he's gone.
Well, shouldn't we wait
for Yung?
Uh, she's trying to
thaw a piece of chicken.
She said to start with
Without her.
She said,
"I should run point."
She said,
"Run point on this one."
Her words!
I can't tell
if you're being serious
but for some reason,
I believe you, you're
selling it. Read the note.
"You made bet, you lose bet,
"you don't pay money,
I take girl."
That sounds less
like a mystery
and more like a threat.
Oh, it is a threat.
You know my friend Gregor?
Umm Should I?
Certainly.
He's a famous gangster.
Like, he does
serious horrible stuff.
-Murder, human trafficking
-(GASPS)
But, also stuff
that shouldn't even
be illegal.
Like gambling and drugs.
So, a flawed human being,
just like the rest of us.
I think he wrote that note.
So is that note for you?
Did he take Yung?
Huh? Oh, well,
I hadn't considered that.
Uh, well, you know,
that, that, that might be
what this is about.
Now that I think about it,
I, uh, I remember I put
20 grand on the Sugar Bowl
and then some freshman kicker
misses a
three-yard field goal.
(LAUGHS)
College kids,
they're so stupid.
And now a human trafficker
has Yung?
We have to call the police.
Oh, no, no, no.
He just wants his money.
We can do this on our own.
No, we should call Michael.
Oh, no way. Mike trusted us
to take care of his daughter,
and you failed.
What? How did I fail?
I didn't do anything.
Oh, well, come on now,
this is just a bunch
of he said, she said.
The point is,
we can get her back
without involving Mike.
Okay, fine!
Just call Gregor
and let's get
this thing settled.
You think the kids
at Miami of Ohio ever get mad
that the other
Miami University
doesn't have to,
have to say "Miami of Florida"
in their school name?
-I don't care, focus!
-No, no, I should.
And I'm not gonna pretend
that "he said, she said" thing
wasn't offensive.
(LAUGHING)
No, it was pretty offensive.
Gregor, it's me.
Do you have Yung Hee?
This is your fault
as much as mine.
I have a gambling problem,
you're an enabler.
Who are the Spurs
playing tonight, by the way?
Really, I'll take them
and the points.
-Pigeon!
-Huh?
Listen, Gregor, we need
Yung Hee back.
Great!
-He's gonna give her back?
-Absolutely!
On an unrelated note, uh,
do you have $20,000?
MIKE: Red leather,
yellow leather,
red leather, yellow leather,
red yellow leather
(STAMMERS)
Red Oh God.
MAN: Excuse me, Mr. Tyson,
can I get a copy
of your speech
to put in the teleprompter?
I didn't write a speech,
I'm gonna speak
extemporaneously
from my heart.
Peter pepper
picked the pepper, piper
Peter Oh, God.
PIGEON: What about his
championship belt?
It's gotta be worth 20 grand.
He wears sweat pants,
he doesn't need a belt.
No! He worked
his whole life for that.
Oh, wow. I don't understand
why you don't
wanna get Yung back.
Why are you so anti-Yung?
No, I'm not
doing this with you.
Here, we'll take
one of his Rolexes.
He has eight,
maybe he won't notice.
-PIGEON: Is it because
you hate Asians?
-Stop it.
-Huh? What's the matter
with Asians?
-No!
-I'm seriously asking
the question. Why?
-Well, I'm not answering!
-Why do you hate
Asian people?
-Stop it!
Come on now!
GREGOR: Ah, yes!
You will be big hit
at tonight's party!
You won't be needing
these anymore.
The second my dad finds out
where I am, you're dead.
(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)
You make me laugh.
Thank you for that.
(CONTINUES LAUGHING)
YUNG: Dad!
TV ANNOUNCER:
Welcome to our live coverage
of the Miami University
commencement address
given tonight by Mike Tyson.
I hope he's not nervous.
ANNOUNCER:
And thanks for tuning in
to the Commencement Channel.
Seriously. We didn't think
anybody would ever watch.
PIGEON: Now listen.
Gregor may get spooked by you,
so just hang by the bar
and let me handle this.
Gimme the Rolex.
What do you want drink?
Hmm? Oh.
No, thank you, I'm fine.
Just waiting for a friend.
Four drink minimum.
Four? My God!
Okay, I'll take four waters.
No deal.
Ah, come on, Gregor.
I can't leave here
without the girl.
No deal!
Well, that's an ugly side
I didn't think he had.
What happened? Where's Yung?
Oh. Okay, listen.
Yung Hee?
Um, well, she's dead.
-Oh my God! What?
-I know.
-In many ways, it's a tragedy.
-(GASPING)
-We have to call Michael.
-No!
No, a phone call's
too impersonal.
Let's go home,
and we'll Skype him.
Hello graduates
of Ohio University in Miami.
(CHEERING ON TV)
-Looks like your friend
cannot afford you.
-Shh!
I bet you guys think
I'm gonna talk to you
about getting back up
after getting knocked down
in life.
But I'm not.
I'm gonna talk to you
about hats.
Not those square hats
like the one
you guys are wearing,
which, by the way,
I can't believe you're all
wearing the same hat.
(CHUCKLES)
That is tripping
me out, man.
Does everybody here
wear the same hat in Miami?
It's like a square hat
with a string.
I never, ever in my life
seen a hat like that.
Are you all wearing
the same clothes too?
Is this some kind
of religious school?
What the (BLEEP)
is going on here?
I love Mike Tyson.
I'll be her guide.
I'll find her
in the spirit world
and guide her.
Oh, she must be so scared!
Yes, yes.
But don't rush that though.
You have to give her
some time to adjust
to the spirit world.
You know, maybe we should
hold off telling Mike
for a bit too.
What? No!
He has to know
as soon as possible.
Ah! God! I have to pee.
I drank four waters
in two minutes.
-Well, why'd you drink that?
-What do mean why?
I paid for them.
Oh my god, you're so cheap.
-What, are you gonna run out
of ghost dollars?
-Oh, stop it.
I have to go to the bathroom.
I'm gonna explode!
Let's go in here.
MARQUESS:
Oh, that's not predictable.
Okay, Tingle, how much
for a lap dance?
Where's your lap?
Ha ha ha!
Trust me, we'll figure it out!
-Thirty.
-Oh, yeah?
How much for you
to come live with me
and my ghost friend,
and pretend to be Mike Tyson's
18-year-old daughter?
For how long?
The rest of your life.
It's 10,000
for a lifetime move-in.
Can I have a dollar?
They have
a bathroom attendant.
I'm out of "ghost dollars."
Hang on,
I think Tingle can help us.
Tingle? Her name is Tingle?
PIGEON: But it could be
Yung Hee!
That is if you think
this watch is worth $10,000.
The hat I wanna speak of today
are invisible hats.
I'm wearing one right now.
You see, I used to wear
a fighting hat.
All my life I had it on.
And I was always fighting
because of my fighting hat.
And so everyone thinks,
"Mike Tyson,
he's just a fighter."
But one day I decided
to take that hat off
and now I wear my new hat.
Can you see it?
It's a mystery solving hat.
Like the kind
Sherlock Holmes wears,
but it's invisible.
So it doesn't itch,
or look like I'm wearing
a (BLEEP) costume.
And so now,
instead of getting into fights
because of my fighting hat,
I solve mysteries,
because I'm wearing
the same kinda hat
that Sherlock Holmes wears.
My point is that
you can wear a hat
for a very long time
and everyone think
that's who you are.
But it's just a hat
you're wearing,
you can take it off.
In fact, hats are the easiest
items of clothing to take off.
You have been students
your whole life.
It's time to take
those hats off.
Take 'em off, throw 'em away,
because you're not
students anymore,
you graduated!
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
Damn, I didn't mean
literally take them off.
College kids are so stupid!
-(CHEERING ON TV)
-(TV TURNS OFF)
-You are free, you can leave.
-What?
No more human trafficking,
it's time for me
to wear a new hat.
What hat will I wear?
The sky is the limit!
GREGOR:
I've never been so happy
in my life!
YUNG:
I knew my dad would save me.
This is ridiculous!
It won't work!
She's not a goldfish.
Well, maybe he won't
ask for her.
And if he does,
we can have her stand
far away.
-(SKYPE CHIMES)
-Oh, we're up!
Hey, fellas.
My commencement speech
was great. Did you see it?
Ah, man, we missed it.
Yeah, turns out,
you don't have the
Commencement Channel here.
Man that seems ludicrous.
I'll call the cable company
in the morning.
Where's Yung Hee?
I can't be party to this.
Michael, your daughter is
-Hi, Dad!
-Hi, Yung!
What are you wearing?
Huh? What's that, Mike?
What? We can barely hear you.
Thank God you're alive!
Who told you I was dead?
Well, Gregor
strongly implied it,
and we had to start
the healing process
for ourselves.
Ugh.
Ahh!
Jesus (BLEEP) Christ!
Um, who's the woman
in my bedroom?
That's That's Tingle.
Who's Tingle?
Why, she is the newest member
of the
Mike Tyson Mystery Team!
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
Red leather, yellow leather,
red leather, yellow leather.
(SCATTING)
(END THEME PLAYING)
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
TOUR GUIDE:
Miami University of Ohio
is so excited
to have you here.
Just over there is the stadium
where you'll be giving
your commencement address.
Oh boy, I just gotta say
this is a remarkable honor.
You didn't think
you were going
to Miami, Florida, did you?
Now why would
I think that, huh?
I'd have to be a moron
to think that.
You school is called
Miami of Ohio.
My plane ticket
was to Oxford, Ohio.
Did you think I would
just get on a plane
without even having any idea
where I was going?
ANNOUNCER:
This is the final call
for flight 1760
Ohio?
Well, some people
get confused.
Man, those people are morons,
and I feel sorry for them.
MARQUESS: What are you doing?
Mike said we could
solve a mystery
while he's gone.
Well, shouldn't we wait
for Yung?
Uh, she's trying to
thaw a piece of chicken.
She said to start with
Without her.
She said,
"I should run point."
She said,
"Run point on this one."
Her words!
I can't tell
if you're being serious
but for some reason,
I believe you, you're
selling it. Read the note.
"You made bet, you lose bet,
"you don't pay money,
I take girl."
That sounds less
like a mystery
and more like a threat.
Oh, it is a threat.
You know my friend Gregor?
Umm Should I?
Certainly.
He's a famous gangster.
Like, he does
serious horrible stuff.
-Murder, human trafficking
-(GASPS)
But, also stuff
that shouldn't even
be illegal.
Like gambling and drugs.
So, a flawed human being,
just like the rest of us.
I think he wrote that note.
So is that note for you?
Did he take Yung?
Huh? Oh, well,
I hadn't considered that.
Uh, well, you know,
that, that, that might be
what this is about.
Now that I think about it,
I, uh, I remember I put
20 grand on the Sugar Bowl
and then some freshman kicker
misses a
three-yard field goal.
(LAUGHS)
College kids,
they're so stupid.
And now a human trafficker
has Yung?
We have to call the police.
Oh, no, no, no.
He just wants his money.
We can do this on our own.
No, we should call Michael.
Oh, no way. Mike trusted us
to take care of his daughter,
and you failed.
What? How did I fail?
I didn't do anything.
Oh, well, come on now,
this is just a bunch
of he said, she said.
The point is,
we can get her back
without involving Mike.
Okay, fine!
Just call Gregor
and let's get
this thing settled.
You think the kids
at Miami of Ohio ever get mad
that the other
Miami University
doesn't have to,
have to say "Miami of Florida"
in their school name?
-I don't care, focus!
-No, no, I should.
And I'm not gonna pretend
that "he said, she said" thing
wasn't offensive.
(LAUGHING)
No, it was pretty offensive.
Gregor, it's me.
Do you have Yung Hee?
This is your fault
as much as mine.
I have a gambling problem,
you're an enabler.
Who are the Spurs
playing tonight, by the way?
Really, I'll take them
and the points.
-Pigeon!
-Huh?
Listen, Gregor, we need
Yung Hee back.
Great!
-He's gonna give her back?
-Absolutely!
On an unrelated note, uh,
do you have $20,000?
MIKE: Red leather,
yellow leather,
red leather, yellow leather,
red yellow leather
(STAMMERS)
Red Oh God.
MAN: Excuse me, Mr. Tyson,
can I get a copy
of your speech
to put in the teleprompter?
I didn't write a speech,
I'm gonna speak
extemporaneously
from my heart.
Peter pepper
picked the pepper, piper
Peter Oh, God.
PIGEON: What about his
championship belt?
It's gotta be worth 20 grand.
He wears sweat pants,
he doesn't need a belt.
No! He worked
his whole life for that.
Oh, wow. I don't understand
why you don't
wanna get Yung back.
Why are you so anti-Yung?
No, I'm not
doing this with you.
Here, we'll take
one of his Rolexes.
He has eight,
maybe he won't notice.
-PIGEON: Is it because
you hate Asians?
-Stop it.
-Huh? What's the matter
with Asians?
-No!
-I'm seriously asking
the question. Why?
-Well, I'm not answering!
-Why do you hate
Asian people?
-Stop it!
Come on now!
GREGOR: Ah, yes!
You will be big hit
at tonight's party!
You won't be needing
these anymore.
The second my dad finds out
where I am, you're dead.
(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)
You make me laugh.
Thank you for that.
(CONTINUES LAUGHING)
YUNG: Dad!
TV ANNOUNCER:
Welcome to our live coverage
of the Miami University
commencement address
given tonight by Mike Tyson.
I hope he's not nervous.
ANNOUNCER:
And thanks for tuning in
to the Commencement Channel.
Seriously. We didn't think
anybody would ever watch.
PIGEON: Now listen.
Gregor may get spooked by you,
so just hang by the bar
and let me handle this.
Gimme the Rolex.
What do you want drink?
Hmm? Oh.
No, thank you, I'm fine.
Just waiting for a friend.
Four drink minimum.
Four? My God!
Okay, I'll take four waters.
No deal.
Ah, come on, Gregor.
I can't leave here
without the girl.
No deal!
Well, that's an ugly side
I didn't think he had.
What happened? Where's Yung?
Oh. Okay, listen.
Yung Hee?
Um, well, she's dead.
-Oh my God! What?
-I know.
-In many ways, it's a tragedy.
-(GASPING)
-We have to call Michael.
-No!
No, a phone call's
too impersonal.
Let's go home,
and we'll Skype him.
Hello graduates
of Ohio University in Miami.
(CHEERING ON TV)
-Looks like your friend
cannot afford you.
-Shh!
I bet you guys think
I'm gonna talk to you
about getting back up
after getting knocked down
in life.
But I'm not.
I'm gonna talk to you
about hats.
Not those square hats
like the one
you guys are wearing,
which, by the way,
I can't believe you're all
wearing the same hat.
(CHUCKLES)
That is tripping
me out, man.
Does everybody here
wear the same hat in Miami?
It's like a square hat
with a string.
I never, ever in my life
seen a hat like that.
Are you all wearing
the same clothes too?
Is this some kind
of religious school?
What the (BLEEP)
is going on here?
I love Mike Tyson.
I'll be her guide.
I'll find her
in the spirit world
and guide her.
Oh, she must be so scared!
Yes, yes.
But don't rush that though.
You have to give her
some time to adjust
to the spirit world.
You know, maybe we should
hold off telling Mike
for a bit too.
What? No!
He has to know
as soon as possible.
Ah! God! I have to pee.
I drank four waters
in two minutes.
-Well, why'd you drink that?
-What do mean why?
I paid for them.
Oh my god, you're so cheap.
-What, are you gonna run out
of ghost dollars?
-Oh, stop it.
I have to go to the bathroom.
I'm gonna explode!
Let's go in here.
MARQUESS:
Oh, that's not predictable.
Okay, Tingle, how much
for a lap dance?
Where's your lap?
Ha ha ha!
Trust me, we'll figure it out!
-Thirty.
-Oh, yeah?
How much for you
to come live with me
and my ghost friend,
and pretend to be Mike Tyson's
18-year-old daughter?
For how long?
The rest of your life.
It's 10,000
for a lifetime move-in.
Can I have a dollar?
They have
a bathroom attendant.
I'm out of "ghost dollars."
Hang on,
I think Tingle can help us.
Tingle? Her name is Tingle?
PIGEON: But it could be
Yung Hee!
That is if you think
this watch is worth $10,000.
The hat I wanna speak of today
are invisible hats.
I'm wearing one right now.
You see, I used to wear
a fighting hat.
All my life I had it on.
And I was always fighting
because of my fighting hat.
And so everyone thinks,
"Mike Tyson,
he's just a fighter."
But one day I decided
to take that hat off
and now I wear my new hat.
Can you see it?
It's a mystery solving hat.
Like the kind
Sherlock Holmes wears,
but it's invisible.
So it doesn't itch,
or look like I'm wearing
a (BLEEP) costume.
And so now,
instead of getting into fights
because of my fighting hat,
I solve mysteries,
because I'm wearing
the same kinda hat
that Sherlock Holmes wears.
My point is that
you can wear a hat
for a very long time
and everyone think
that's who you are.
But it's just a hat
you're wearing,
you can take it off.
In fact, hats are the easiest
items of clothing to take off.
You have been students
your whole life.
It's time to take
those hats off.
Take 'em off, throw 'em away,
because you're not
students anymore,
you graduated!
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
Damn, I didn't mean
literally take them off.
College kids are so stupid!
-(CHEERING ON TV)
-(TV TURNS OFF)
-You are free, you can leave.
-What?
No more human trafficking,
it's time for me
to wear a new hat.
What hat will I wear?
The sky is the limit!
GREGOR:
I've never been so happy
in my life!
YUNG:
I knew my dad would save me.
This is ridiculous!
It won't work!
She's not a goldfish.
Well, maybe he won't
ask for her.
And if he does,
we can have her stand
far away.
-(SKYPE CHIMES)
-Oh, we're up!
Hey, fellas.
My commencement speech
was great. Did you see it?
Ah, man, we missed it.
Yeah, turns out,
you don't have the
Commencement Channel here.
Man that seems ludicrous.
I'll call the cable company
in the morning.
Where's Yung Hee?
I can't be party to this.
Michael, your daughter is
-Hi, Dad!
-Hi, Yung!
What are you wearing?
Huh? What's that, Mike?
What? We can barely hear you.
Thank God you're alive!
Who told you I was dead?
Well, Gregor
strongly implied it,
and we had to start
the healing process
for ourselves.
Ugh.
Ahh!
Jesus (BLEEP) Christ!
Um, who's the woman
in my bedroom?
That's That's Tingle.
Who's Tingle?
Why, she is the newest member
of the
Mike Tyson Mystery Team!
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
Red leather, yellow leather,
red leather, yellow leather.
(SCATTING)
(END THEME PLAYING)